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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28109868">0204’s Day Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSpian0/pseuds/SSpian0'>SSpian0</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>pause mode: one day off in two parts plus a one shot. [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aggressively Corny Flirting, Beverages, Bird Math, Bit Commitment, Borld's West, Boys Being Boys, Bread Intention, COVID Compliant, Canon Compliant, Crimes of fashion, Crying, Cute notes, Day Off, Deep Inside Jokes, Developing Relationship, Eavesdropping, Emotional Support, Emotionally Repressed, Fabric Analogies, Failed Subtext, Fancy Lads, Fatal Smirks, Flirtatious Bullshit, Fluff and Crack, Friendship, Gay Panic, Gen Z AF, Gossip, Guilt Gift Shopping, Hamilton References, Let Yang Jungwon Live, M/M, Making Out, Mask Life, Memes, Minutes be like Months, Park Jongseong | Jay Being Expensive, Questionable Pop Psychology, Quotes from VLIVE, Random Song Quotes, Screaming, Self-Reflection, Sensory memories, Slow Burn, Spa Day 2020, Sunghoon's Shampoo, TIME IS PATRIARCHY, Task Life, Technically Crimes, The Knife is a Family Legacy, Thirst as a Lifestyle, Typography Jokes, Underage Drinking, Unnecessary Brand Name Drops, Vehicular Conversation, Violent Wordplay, Walking and talking, Weird dreams, Whisper Screams, Wholesome Morals, jAySMR, toJay's Fashion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:34:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>163,413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28109868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SSpian0/pseuds/SSpian0</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A hazy outdoor fic about self-reflection, self-expression, rules, rebellion, isolation, camaraderie, discovery, and discretion. </p><p>a.k.a. Park Jongseong wakes up on his day off.</p><p>A parallel story to Spa Day 2020.</p><p>_______________</p><p>[completed: 04/12/2021]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Sunoo &amp; Park Jongseong | Jay, Kim Sunoo/Nishimura Riki | Ni-ki, Lee Heeseung &amp; Park Jongseong | Jay, Lee Heeseung &amp; Park Jongseong | Jay &amp; Park Sunghoon &amp; Yang Jungwon, Lee Heeseung/Park Sunghoon, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Nishimura Riki | Ni-ki &amp; Yang Jungwon, Park Jongseong | Jay &amp; Park Sunghoon, Park Jongseong | Jay/Yang Jungwon, Shim Jaeyoon | Jake/Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>pause mode: one day off in two parts plus a one shot. [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>409</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>136</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. An Eagle, A Cat.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/consistently_inconsistent/gifts">consistently_inconsistent</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ftaephoria/gifts">ftaephoria</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/iuwui/gifts">iuwui</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyFandomsToBeSane/gifts">TooManyFandomsToBeSane</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Alternate Title if this was an Anime Spinoff Series: [ spa day: øther ]</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon is behind schedule. Jay doesn't have a schedule.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you ended up here through Spa Day, thank you so much for following this tangled thread! Thank you for your patronage.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The bathroom door bursts open, Jungwon is late. He’s shower fresh, not paying attention to anything other than the phone in his hand. Hurried, he looks up and is immediately met with “Jay hyung! Jesus Christ, you scared me!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes are small, tinted blonde hair tied in a ridiculous top knot and he’s swaying, a bit unsteady on his feet. For a second Jungwon wonders if his hyung is sleep walking again.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie. Move. Nature calls.” he shuffles past and shuts the door behind him.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy shrugs and heads to the closet. His head is about three minutes into the future. He’s just checked the weather and he’s planning an outfit based on that data. Mentally he flips a coin to decide if he bothers to straighten his hair before he leaves or does a quick blast of the hair dryer to save time to make himself a coffee. Option two wins. He takes undergarments from the dresser, runs out to the kitchen to fire up the Keureig and slips into the vanity to do his hair and finish dressing.</p><p> </p><p>Inside the bathroom Jay sits on the tile with his face in a towel, muffling a groan. He tries so hard to stop but even in forced silence he can’t keep himself from screaming internally.</p><p> </p><p>It’s too early to be this flustered.</p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p>Jay finally emerges from the bathroom to the smell of coffee and the sound of a hair dryer. He decides if he should go back to sleep but knows that’s not happening easily.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, fuck!” he hears from inside the makeup room, “Ugh! I don’t have time for this!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay isn’t sure what troubles the young boy faces hours before sunrise but he resolves to do what he can. He takes a travel mug from the cub board, scoops in three sugars and takes a carton of milk from the fridge. He makes a coffee the way his favorite dongsaeng likes it, screws on the lid and reaches for a post-it and a pen.</p><p> </p><p>He draws an eagle, a heart, a cat and the word “FIGHTING!” in English. After sticking the note to the mug he waddles to the living room to lie face down on the couch with his arms outstretched and continues to breakdown mentally.</p><p> </p><p>Unsurprisingly, he drifts back to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p>“Pppfff! What the hell, hyung?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay snaps into consciousness with a jolt, “Bwuh!” He rises to see Sunoo sat on the floor level to where his head was, phone in hand, toothbrush in mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning to you too!” Sunoo takes the toothbrush out of his mouth, walking away to the kitchen sink. “I should thank you for gifting me with something SO interesting to film so early in the day.” he follows with a gargle and a spit.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell Sunoo? Delete that shit!” Jay sits up, setting his hand on something wet. “What the hell?” Jesus Christ, he just set his hand on his own drool. “Ugh this day just keeps getting worse...” he wipes his hand on his pajama pants.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what you’ve got to complain about hyung, the day’s barely begun.” Sunoo, ever the morning person says matter-of-factly, “You seemed to be having a pretty nice dream too from what I gathered.</p><p> </p><p>“YA! Seriously, delete that shit!” Jay would be lying if he said he remembered what he was dreaming. “I’ll delete it myself if I have to!” he runs to the kitchen, suddenly alert.</p><p> </p><p>“Make me!” Sunoo teases with his tongue out, bolting to the vanity, slamming the door behind him.</p><p> </p><p>Jay barely gets to the door and starts banging with the side of his fist, “Ya! Kim Sunoo, you get your peachy butt out here before I break down this door!”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you dare vandalize my office!” a response shrieked from behind wood panel.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Jongseong! You’re awake.” Heeseung emerges from the bathroom in an oversized shirt and a towel draped over a head of damp rust red, obviously just having showered himself. “Were you sleepwalking again?”</p><p> </p><p>“Heeseungie hyung! No, I—”</p><p> </p><p>The door to the vanity opens. Jay wonders why he assumed the door was locked, surprised at the lack of a click at the turn of its handle. He’s faced with a boy about the same height as himself, a mop of ash blonde hangs over barely open eyes. Its Niki, half awake but fully dressed in one of Jungkook’s gifted hanboks.</p><p> </p><p>“Morning Jay hyung,” He practically yawns in his face, scratching the back of his head, “Hyung, I’m gonna go lay back down,” he says walking past Heeseung, “Wake me up when you guys are ready to leave?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I will. Go make sure Jake’s awake before dozing off,” Heeseung pats Niki’s back twice, walking over to a dazed Jay. “Hey buddy, you mind moving aside? I gotta start getting dressed for work.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Yeah, sure.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay forgets what he was in the middle of doing and walks over to the kitchen counter, “Do any of you guys want a coffee before you go?” he calls out to whomever is listening.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take a cup, if you don’t mind.” Jake saunters over, his chestnut hair a lopsided mane, wiping the sleep from his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I got you, Jakey. You should hop in the shower if you’re taking the same ride to work.” Jay has shifted completely into dorm mother mode.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, I’m good. I have a short shift today, I’ll just take one when I get back,” he says, leaning his head on Jay’s shoulder. “You have the day off, right? Got plans?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay hasn’t given that much thought. In that moment, Jay realizes hasn’t given a great many things much thought. Maybe it’s time. “I... might go for a long walk in the city and probably go do some shopping. I don’t know. I just got up too.” he says feeding water into the coffee maker.</p><p> </p><p>He looks down and notices a post-it on the counter where he set Jungwon’s travel mug. After a quick double take he realizes that it wasn’t his note. On the slip of paper, a familiar message structure done in the same pen. A drawing of a cat, a heart, an eagle and a heart exclamation point.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <span class="Apple-converted-space">Same but different.</span> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Awww! That’s fucking adorable!” Jake catches where Jay’s eyes landed. “Bro, what the hell? It’s too early in the morning for things to get this cute.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay snatches the post it and shoves it in his pajama pocket, “Shut up Shim Jake, you keep your damn mouth shut about this or I scald you with a cup of Sumatra.”</p><p> </p><p>Jake mimes a zipped mouth, giggling.</p><p> </p><p>The older blonde’s eyes narrow and he lifts his hand with fingers spread out to push Jake’s entire face away. “Well if you’re not taking a shower, I’m gonna hop in. I’m gonna get out of here for a few hours.” Jay takes the elastic off his head and shakes his hair down.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, for real?” Sunoo emerges from the vanity to the sound of a hair dryer, presumably Heeseung’s. “Are you not hanging out with Sunghoon and I today?”</p><p> </p><p>“Let me live.” Jay walks passed Sunoo into the closet to grab a change of clothes, “I don’t want to spend the first three hours of the day watching Sunghoon stalled out in pause mode while you chatter away about god knows what.”</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo’s mouth hangs in offense, “I will have you know, I have a <em>very</em> fun day planned ahead, thank you very much!”</p><p> </p><p>Change of clothes in hand, Jay walks to Sunoo, sets a hand on his shoulder and declares, “I won’t be back till after dark. Please don’t wait up.”</p><p> </p><p>In the kitchen, Jake laughs and Sunoo shrieks the word “Rude!” as Jay excuses himself to the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It’s unusually quiet at the ENHYPEN dorm save for an upbeat tune playing at a low volume from a smartphone. Heeseung, Jake and Niki have left for work. Sunghoon hasn’t stirred from his bunk despite the commotion of the minutes past. On days off he sleeps hard.</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>In the makeup room Sunoo waits for his flat iron to heat up. With a playlist on shuffle at a low volume, he digs through a banker’s box. A large drawing of a sun with long, curled eyelashes decorating a side panel. In a speech bubble emanating from one of its rays is a foreboding “NO!” in thick marker felt in a speech balloon. The exclamation point is a hastily doodled knife pointed at a heart.</p><p> </p><p>This is Kim Sunoo’s box of precious things. <em>(Things that can always make him sing, of the moon, the stars and wind.)</em> This moment aside, it’s mostly unseen. Its presence is known to everyone, as for sure there has to be a home for his personal stash of extra special, questionably priced beauty products and miscellaneous self-care accoutrements. Up until the next few minutes it’s been a sight for Sunoo and Sunoo alone. Not even Niki’s seen this box.</p><p> </p><p>He sets out a tin of tea printed with a delicate pattern: roses and chamomile in a distinctly Victorian aesthetic. A few containers of fragrant candles follow, then a little basket holding far too many little bottles of nail varnish.</p><p> </p><p>Shower-fresh Jay walks in the room, noticing Sunoo sat on the floor like a manga heroine, humming a cheerful melody. Sunoo nods in acknowledgement of his hyung’s presence, pulling out an accordion file folder (stuffed with face mask sheets) from the bin.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly Jay perks up. He knows this song. It’s a bop. It’s not his type of music, but for some reason he knows the lyrics and it is 100% a danceable tune. He walks toward one of the vanity tables, reaches for a bottle of serum and starts grooving, patting his face down with a pump of liquid beauty to the sound of the beat.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo, delighted at the recognition, cranks up the volume, taking a hairbrush to start singing phonetically:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>            Something tells me that I'm dreamin'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            I can see us there</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            Waving unaware</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He flips the microphone (boar bristle hair brush) over to Jay who picks up on the suggestion, singing in his native English.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>            Of problems that have a tendency to keep</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            Keep the truth confined</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            Far from our minds</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Together, they begin belting out a chorus:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>            Listen Baby</em>
</p><p>
  <em>            Your wish is my command—</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“BE QUIET!” a voice booms from another room, the tone cracking, deep and yet inexplicably high pitched.</p><p> </p><p>The older blonde falls into the younger black haired boy in a fit of giggles, high-fiving like they did something to be proud of.</p><p> </p><p>“Aaah!” Sunoo stumbles back into a chair, reaching for his flat iron, “You sure you’re not up for hanging out with us today, hyung? I know you’d have fun, even if you and I aren’t cut out of the same cloth, we’re a similar shade of crackhead.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay takes a seat on an opposing chair, chuckling still as he reaches for a jar of pomade and smooths down his hair. “I know Sunoo-ya. I know I’d love whatever madness you have planned judging from the stuff you’ve pulled out of that <em>Tardis</em> of a box,” he sighs, glancing over at Sunoo who’s sleeking down his bangs. “But... I kind of need some time to myself today. I’ve got some stuff to sort out before it piles up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m not going to hide my disappointment but I accept your rejection with grace,” he finishes his hair with a few sweeps of the iron, reaching for a setting spray. Sunoo’s tone switches to a lower, quieter register, “Although honestly, I’m a little glad. I sort of have the same hurdle to face too with—” he points to the sleeping person behind the makeup room wall.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” Jay remarks, a single syllable conveyinga depth of understanding. “Capture time.”</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo wears a guilty grimace, “Was I that obvious?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay makes eye contact, flashing a knowing smirk. “Sunoo-ssi, when are you not?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fair point.” a sigh in defeat. “I wish I could talk to you more about it, hyung. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference between what I’d feel in his shoes versus what he actually does feel.”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean...” Jay shakes his hair out, plugging a hairdryer in. “I don’t blame you for not finding it easy to read someone who’s constantly dead behind the eyes, but I dig that feel. Took me years to figure that one out... my one and only unit...” reaching for a rounded brush he continues, “but he’s a lot simpler than he looks. His feelings aren’t as elegant as they come across. Our Ice Prince has a warmer heart than we’ll ever know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung, tell me something.” Sunoo returns to the floor by his treasure chest, “He’s in love with him, isn’t he?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yuh.” Jay nods, “A hundred percent.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what the fuck is Jake?”</p><p> </p><p>“His best friend.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what the fuck are you?”</p><p> </p><p>“His one-and-only best <em>actual</em> friend.”</p><p> </p><p>“How? How does that even work?”</p><p> </p><p>“The puppy’s his soulmate, but I know him best as a person who isn’t attracted to him whatsoever.” Jay says matter-of-factly, “You’re at a disadvantage coz you’re whipped for him too. You and Jake and Heeseungie hyung could never see him the way I do.”</p><p> </p><p>Astonished by this statement of clarity, Sunoo furrows his brows and nods. Silently he closes the lid of the bankers box and gets up to return it to its proper place.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a lot wiser than you seem, Jay hyung.” an awed remark.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” Jay flashes yet another knowing smirk, “Keep your damn mouth shut about it though, I don’t need you outing my super powers.” he waves Sunoo away, brush and hair dryer in hand, “Now leave. I gotta get pretty and I don’t need you in the background judging my technique.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aye, m’lord.” Sunoo tips an imaginary fedora, taking himself and his box out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>Jay switches on the dryer, studying his own face in the mirror as he brushes strands of blonde into submission with heat. He digests the moments past slowly, making a note of the nuance in Sunoo’s voice, the thoughts shared between them. He recalls seeing the inside of his fancy dongsaeng’s cardboard apothecary, catching logos of high-fashion brands, makeup and potions whose total cost might rival Jay’s stash of men’s accessories. Game recognizes game. Jay knows he and Sunoo sit on opposing sides of the <em>Fancy Lad</em> spectrum.</p><p> </p><p>The hair dryer hums off, he shakes his head, takes a comb to gently refine the line of his parted hair. He reaches into his pajama pocket, unfolding the post-it he unceremoniously crumpled to hide minutes before.</p><p> </p><p>A cat, a heart, an eagle and a heart exclamation point.</p><p> </p><p>He smiles for a little too long. Suddenly he remembers what else piqued his interest from Sunoo’s bin of secrets. A small bedazzled box clearly reading <em>N-R</em>. Jay smiles to himself. He’ll never admit it to anyone, but he’s got his own version of that bedazzled box. He makes his way to the walk-in closet to dress.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, I’m out!” Sunoo calls from the end of the hallway, “I’ve got an errand to run before Sunghoonie hyung wakes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ait, I’ll lock the door.” Jay responds is muffled behind walls of hung clothing.</p><p> </p><p>On an unrelated note, he decides on impulse to commit to wearing glasses the whole day. He needs to take a break from contact lenses whenever he can. He laments the struggle of life as someone handsome and visually impaired. Maybe today he tries out a pair of thick tortoise shell frames he hasn’t had much confidence wearing. It’s not a style others have seen him in, but he knows he could do something with this look if he tried.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, he thinks, today’s the day he tries.</p><p> </p><p>Hurried sneakered steps echo on laminate flooring to the closet. It’s Sunoo again. To no one’s surprise, he’s got something more to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Jay hyung!” Sunoo creeps up from behind the closet doorway.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh shit, I thought you were gone.” Jay spins around from his accessory drawer, “What’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>“Promise me that whatever you end up getting into today, that you make it an adventure. It’s the only way I’ll forgive you from missing Spa Day 2020.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus, Sunoo!” Jay sputters a laugh at the day’s moniker, “I will. I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not kidding! You’re gonna come back home to a slew of epic stories, and I swear to god you’re going to regret not having been a part of it if you don’t weave a legend of your own.”</p><p> </p><p>“I will! I get it!”</p><p> </p><p>“I swear to god hyung, you better have a day to rival my plans.”</p><p> </p><p>“God, I said I get it!”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you?” Sunoo grips the wooden doorframe, shaking in dramatic intent, “Lo key, I’m pissed I don’t get to show you my cards, but you better try your best to compete!”</p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit! You are a NAG!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU MISTER!” Crazed, the younger boy points a finger and administers a series of demands, “Dress weird! Buy something crazy! Do something insane! Eat some weird shit you might not like! Drop in unannounced on Jungwon’s Leadership Training Seminar and scare him with sweetness! Keep a mask on at all times! Wash your damn hands frequently and bring me back a souvenir!” with each order Sunoo steps closer and closer to Jay until his finger jabs his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my GOD, OKAY!” Jay is terrified, but most definitely a mix of bewildered joy, “Affirmative!”</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo huffs an exhale, completely serious in his delivery. “Make me regret not insisting you take me with you. Promise me that, hyung.” He throws one last aggressive point on the older boy’s chest but the energy fades upon contact.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Ddeonu.” Jay softens, wraps Sunoo in a warm bear hug. “I promise to make my day off without you so legendary you end up hating me for it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good. You better.” Sunoo breathes out into his chest and reciprocates the embrace. For a few exchanges it’s a battle to see who’s got more arm strength to squeeze the life out of the other. He pulls back and finally notices an unfamiliar pair of frames on Jay’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Damn hyung. That’s a good look. Do something with that.” he pats the older boy twice on his arm as he walks away.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, right?” Jay waggles his eyebrows, shifting his frames with an open hand for dramatic effect. He bites his lip, scrunches his nose and shoots Sunoo a pompous killing pose. “Yeah, this’ll be the charm point of <em>ToJay’s Fashion.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Christ. Be glad you’re not my type.” Sunoo turns on his heel and skips out the door, “take a selfie for ENGENEs before the day’s done, they’ll love it!” he calls out from the hallway.</p><p> </p><p>Until the two boys are completely out of earshot, the rest of the conversation is just a series of long distance taunts spoken at too loud a volume.</p><p> </p><p>“Have fun, okay? Don’t try something I could pull off and get away with! You’re not that smart!”</p><p> </p><p>“You have fun today too, you RUDE CHILD! Don’t ride the line too hard of what you can get away with! Jungwon is smarter everyone!”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’tcome back unless you’ve spent good money on my souvenir!” the front door opens. “BYE!”</p><p> </p><p>“And don’t you fucking touch my fancy cheese! My father gave me that cheese!” Jay screams back, then he hears the door slam shut. “Bye…you strange... pixie of a weirdo...” the last words barely make it out of his mouth as he loses studying his clothes.</p><p> </p><p>His hair’s in check, got an outfit planned, no real plans just a promise to make the day a legend. Clothes laid out on a separate rack, he turns back to his drawer of accessories and picks out a few key items. A tastefully mismatched set of earrings, a chic necklace, his father’s watch. He pulls out an unassuming CD travel case shoved behind small boxes of cuff links, watches and jewelry. In anyone else’s accessory drawer this case would <em>not</em> be considered unassuming, but because it’s Jay, son of a CEO Park Jongseong, so rich he could buy you Park Jongseong, it’s barely noticeable.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a strange thing for a Gen Z kid to have, a plain black leather CD case— a worn <em>Yves Saint Laurent</em> CD folio with a simple logo embroidered in obsidian silk. Strangely, a small DIY plush charm in the shape of a cat hangs from its platinum zipper, a discordant juxtaposition for an item as expensive as it sounds. He rummages the post it from his pocket and carefully unfolds it flat, slipping the paper in a CD sleeve already overstuffed with small notes.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, zipping the case back up. He remembers Sunoo’s bedazzled <em>N-R</em> box. He knows what that is.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo loves Niki, everyone knows it. Sunoo owns it. Here Jay is, holding his version of that bedazzled box. He thinks back to when he started this secret collection of artifacts. He wonders, surprisingly for the first time, why it seemed so natural for him to do it. He imagines Sunghoon must have his own version of this too. Maybe Jake. Definitely Niki. Without a doubt, Heeseung must have his own version under lock and key. Maybe Jungwon has one too?</p><p> </p><p>But why?</p><p> </p><p>Before he can jump to conclusions and explore that thought further, he asks himself why the <em>Yves Saint Laurent</em> CD folio. He won’t assume it’s for the same reason Sunoo’s bedazzled container exists. Jay is not one to ever assume. He tosses the case back in his drawer and slides it shut.</p><p> </p><p>The gears move slow in Jay’s mind. Today he’s resolved to grease the wheels and figure out the what to his why.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was a pretty short chapter. Just wanted to set the table to introduce how this all weaves into the Spa Day universe and how I see JayWon.</p><p>I have no idea why I have such an affinity for Breakbot's Baby I'm Yours.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Huh. That’s nice.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon has a weird start to his day. Jay makes his day a little bit okay.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For my Spa Day alumni, first of all, welcome! I hope you liked how that ended. This'll be more of the same but different. </p><p>Please and kindly ENjoy Spa Day 2020's counterpart, 0204's Day Out.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Today has been a series of small misfortunes for Yang Jungwon. He woke up later than he should’ve. Not enough to actually make him late but enough to make everything leading up to this moment to have been an absolute hassle. Losing ten minutes has never felt like so much time.</p><p> </p><p>He wakes up laughing for some reason. He doesn’t remember his dream yet but he wakes up laughing to the sound of his teammates’ snores. He has two alarms, one to wake: the sound of a single sheep bleat on repeat and one to move out of bed and get going: the horse. He doesn’t remember hearing the sheep or shutting it off, he woke to the horse. This set him off on the wrong foot. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal. It’s not like he does anything with those first ten minutes other than lay in bed, scroll through his phone and think. So he gets up and he jumps straight into bathroom to get started.</p><p> </p><p>Ten minutes is not a big deal until it is.</p><p> </p><p>Things go down hill the minute he steps in the shower. He’s gotten started washing when he realizes he’s forgotten to grab a brand new bottle of <em>his</em> shampoo. Not a big deal until it is a big deal but it will be. Instead of hopping out wet, making a few puddles and doing what someone who had ten minutes to think would do, he decides fuck it. <em>Let’s use Sunghoon’s shampoo.</em> The one he won’t let anyone touch for some reason. The shampoo that’s good for your hair. Just shampoo that prevents hair from damage. Sunghoon uses that kind of shampoo and it’s there so he uses it. He doesn’t take time to read the label, he doesn’t have time period. It probably doesn’t matter. Sunghoon has good hair. What could go wrong?</p><p> </p><p>Wrapped in a series of towels in the form of turban, shawl and sarong he brushes his teeth while scrolling through his phone. He checks his schedule, he checks the weather, he checks WeVerse. He’s about to hop into his email to dig into the specifics of his day when he realizes he’s forgotten to take a change of clothes with him. Not a big deal. No one’s awake and no one should care. He gargles, he spits, hangs the towel on his head and he picks up his phone to dig into emails.</p><p> </p><p>This day promises something different, something he has to experience alone. Something not too fun that probably won’t be that memorable but it’s something he’d gladly do for the team. A leadership training seminar. It’s why he has to get up at the ass crack of dawn before everyone else does. He doesn’t think much of it, he knows whatever the day holds is going to be mildly amusing at best or a tedious bore at worst. Either way, he sets his expectations of this solo mission with an open mind.</p><p> </p><p>He’s gone through the orientation email once before, sure it was a speed read but he’s smart and he retains a lot of information but he wasn’t a nerd about it. He scrolls through diligently to review. It’s a classic corporate form email, well designed and coded to made to look artificially personal to catered to maximize engagement with the typical demographic of people that take leadership training courses. Jungwon however is Gen Z AF and the youngest in the class of kpop idol group leaders. These ancient marketing tactics don’t work on his species, it just makes him scroll through with less fucks to give. He meant to look through it closer during those ten minutes he robbed himself of but that’s okay. He does remember that lunchtime’s catered meal was a gourmet curry, probably the most important detail of them all. He looks forward to lunchtime.</p><p> </p><p>Thoughts linger and he loses more time scrolling, just bored by the tedium of the seminar content. He reads through but the words don’t register. He has a deficit of fucks to give. None of this is unusual for Jungwon though, stalled out in pause mode scrolling on his phone after he’s cleaned his teeth but today something’s off. More time than necessary slips away, his sense of it disoriented with every endless droning word he scrolls through. Absentmindedly he hangs the towel from his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>The AC comes on and just a sudden shift of airflow reminds him that he doesn’t have a change of clothes and in these hours before sunrise at this time in Korea, even after a hot shower it gets cold quick. Attention darts to the top of the screen and he realizes how close he is to running down the clock.</p><p> </p><p>With his full attention on his smartphone he bursts out of the bathroom aching, freezing, eager to get clean, dry clothes on his body ASAP and almost immediately walks into an entire sleepy boy Park Jongseong.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung! Jesus Christ, you scared me!”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie. Move. Nature calls.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s not clear to Jungwon if Jay was or wasn’t sleep waking. To begin with, he consistently looks ridiculous first thing in the morning with his hair tied up. It’s amazing no one thought to put him in a pineapple costume for Chamber 5, but that’s not the kind of Jay that shows up when stylists are around.</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, he plays it smooth like he’s not running late in a wet towel freezing and walks to the closet. The second he hears the door shut that pace ramps up to a frantic bolt.</p><p> </p><p>“Goddamnit I’m so cold!” in a frustrated whisper he curses passionately as if that helps to induce some warmth, “Fuck me! Where is my— where the fuck is my everything?”</p><p> </p><p>Yang Leader Jungwon, voted by a majority to be the most calm in a crisis, the most emotionally mature, the most put together under pressure is having a moment. Waking up laughing to snores, losing ten minutes, using not his shampoo, mind-wiping on a scroll of corporate jargon, freezing now in just a wet towel and almost walking right into a pineapple sunrise — he’s kinda losing his shit.</p><p> </p><p>A thick haze mind fog stets in and he’s thrown off further. He’s taken from his limited stock of fucks and decided to half-ass how he does his hair. Now he’s half naked, frustrated and blanking on which one of these dresser drawers has his clothing. This is a relatively new set up for him, sharing a closet with six other boys who for the most part could fit into each other’s clothes. Everyone’s been gifted with so many since the group formed, not to mention the redundancy of clothing articles from I-LAND. It’s a lot. He’s tempted to throw open every single drawer to find his specific undergarments but it is bitingly cold, he’s blue screened and getting pissed of with himself for not snapping into gear fast enough.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon with ten minutes probably could have figured this out by now. Maybe. But then again Jungwon with ten minutes would’ve have been calm and had the presence of mind to grab clothes before hitting the shower.</p><p> </p><p>Already he’s wasted so much time and he’s only getting colder. He says fuck it. He’s gotta get going and he needs to make himself a coffee to take and he needs to dry his hair so, fuck it. He opens the first drawer he can find, takes a set of undergarments and forces himself not to think about whose this ends up being. No one is awake and no one will ever know. He takes a picture of the open drawer in relation to the space so he knows where to sneak back what he borrowed when he eventually does laundry.</p><p> </p><p>He dresses for warmth, grabs a few articles of hung clothing that’s obviously just Jungwon’s property (thank god he likes powder blue so much or he’d be lost finding what’s his while brain fried), fires up the Keureig and heads to the vanity quick as lightning, eager to feel a blast of heat.</p><p> </p><p>No one knows how stressed out he really is from how he looks and how he acts. Yang Jungwon has learned to hide this side of himself so well. He just looks hurried, maybe a bit pissed but inside he’s screaming and is white knuckle grasping at the pittance of fucks he has left to give.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon looks up, “Ah, fuck!” he sees his reflection in the mirror. His hair is fluffy. “Ugh! I don’t have time for this!” It’s huge.</p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p>He’s finally in the car now, driven in a van by a noona to take him to Belift Labs for the aforementioned seminar. Jungwon is a sleepy boy in the back seat, he’s dozy, carefully nursing a coffee <em>Made by Jay</em> in his tumbler. His thumb goes over the post-it still attached to to the travel mug. The drawing makes him smile. They’re so Gen Z, they’ve resorted to drawing emojis on paper with pen. It’s funny and it says enough.</p><p> </p><p>He takes another sip of brew. It recharges him with just a few more fucks to give. Just enough he thinks to make it through this low grade bad start to his day.</p><p> </p><p><em>Sweet</em>, he thinks about the coffee, <em>just the way I like it.</em></p><p> </p><p>He knows with the way things have already gone that day that if he made this himself, he’d be stuck in a car with a noona he’s been side-eyeing with a bad cup of coffee. Actually, he was thinking of ditching coffee altogether and running out the door as soon as he got dressed. The way he likes his coffee is specific, it’s a bit of a pain to make right. He likes his coffee strong, really strong yet he wants precise amount of cream so it goes down mild and he wants it sweet to cut through the bitter but not too sweet or he’ll gag. Yeah, he didn’t really have time to deal with his own bullshit so early in the AMs.</p><p> </p><p>On his way out the door after a struggle to tame his fluffy head with hair essence, he passes by the counter to leave a note. Tell the rest of the boys he’s abandoned a carafe. Let them have it, they have time. It’ll make someone else’s morning better, then he notices.</p><p> </p><p>On his tumbler, stuck to the side a post-it. An eagle, a heart, a cat and a message in English— well drawn, neatly written, clear in its intent to show Jungwon that someone has taken the initiative to fill his cup.</p><p> </p><p>That someone is definitely the person laying face down on the couch, mumbling, snoring, sleeping and definitely drooling. It’s cute but it’s gross, but it’s cute. Without tasting, he knows the coffee’s done just right. Just the way he likes it.</p><p> </p><p>He’s running late, but he takes the time to write a response. Something he could’ve easily texted, a message in fluent emoji but with pen and paper. Jungwon is always so polite, but more than that at this moment especially he is grateful and he feels like he just found a few more fucks to give.</p><p> </p><p>So he makes an effort to reciprocate. With so little time to spare before meeting his ride to work, he takes from his stash of fucks for the day and gives it to someone he cares about. With pen and paper he draws a cat, a heart, an eagle and a heart exclamation point. That’s exactly how he feels and it’s exactly what he wants to say.</p><p> </p><p>He makes it to the lobby as the company van rolls up. The elevator was down for temporary maintenance and he ends up having to fly down the stairs, backpack jostling, to-go cup in hand. Winded, pissed off, but outwardly serene and put together he enters the car, slides open the van and sees it her. He doesn’t like her. At all. Not that she or anyone for that matter would know because Yang Jungwon is a pleasant, polite, rule-abiding young man.</p><p> </p><p>"Good morning noona!" His smile is large and toothy. It's fake but he executes it perfectly.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing’s gone his way since waking and the day seems to keep rolling downhill at a steady, incremental pace with these small misfortunes. Not enough to freak out about but enough to make every passing second irritatingly difficult to live through. Death from a thousand paper cuts, so to speak</p><p> </p><p>But that’s okay. It’s okay now. For a little bit, at least at 6:00 in the morning, three hours from sunrise at backseat of a van driven by this person he wishes he wasn’t around. It should’ve been harder to keeping up this docile, wholesome, obedient facade he’s spent years to cultivate after all that, but it’s not. Not right now. He’s okay.</p><p> </p><p>The coffee in his hand makes it okay. This note makes everything feel like everything is essentially Okay. He has a few more fucks left to give than he did since losing ten minutes of the day.</p><p> </p><p>For a second he remembers his dream. His mouth flies open has a laugh. A big open laugh he reflexively puts a hand over his mouth to cover. He bursts into a laugh seemingly at nothing by himself. The noona driving looks back through the rear view mirror, confused. That’s okay. For her, he has no fucks to give.</p><p> </p><p>The memory is so random and so vivid that it makes him laugh.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When he finds himself in front of this scene, he knows it’s a dream.</p><p> </p><p>Before him is an endless azure sky, rolling hills on the edge of the horizon and a distant sea of teal. The view is from a great height. No details, just a wash of color. No gradients, no clear shapes, no features. Above him, a cloudless, birdless sky. Around him, nothing he can see, just the scene and a lack of any sound. Still, the sight is beautiful. He looks at the ground below him, a smooth texture with no shadows. He never casts a shadow. Always he stands upon the edge of a cliff looking down upon the precipice overlooking a distant nothing with no sound or shadows.</p><p> </p><p>Each time he’s here he knows it’s always is just a dream. It’s pleasant, it’s pretty but it’s droning predictability, persistent nothingness, mindful awareness and slowly increasing frequency grows infuriating. Still, he’d rather have this than dreamless sleep.</p><p> </p><p>This time he’ll do something different. Something crazy, because why not? He edges closer. He has no fear of stepping off the edge.He wants this and he has no fear of death. He knows this is a dream and in dream there is no death.</p><p> </p><p>He walks ahead, to the ledge, to the edge with the intention of falling. This might wake him up or maybe it doesn’t. Maybe this challenges his mind to fill in the scenery, give it detail or change the game. At the very least, something unpredictable if only for a moment. There is no gamble, only change.</p><p> </p><p>He’s one step away from nothingness and he feels nothing of it. The action induces no meaning until he hears a familiar something. Two arms pull him back, wrapped across his shoulders. He knows this sound, he knows this feeling. To his surprise, this feels warm. Finally! A touch of color to his dream.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, Jay hyung,” he bothers to speak for the first time since entering this stock photo scenery, “Nice.”</p><p> </p><p>The words out of his mouth come casually as if he wasn’t just about to jump off a cliff because what of it? This is a dream and he knows it. He knows the arms around him are Jay’s because this is a dream, and if he said someone else’s name of course it would be that person too. It could have easily been Heeseung or Sunghoon or Niki or Jake or Sunoo or shit, it could’ve been Rain. This is <em>his</em> dream and no matter the guess, he’s right. It’s that name was because it feels right for it to be Jay’s. This is what he does everyday. Hold him in this exact way for no real reason, just Jay hyung being Jay. Maybe his mind also wants it to be Jay.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck are you doing? Why the fuck would you jump?!” his voice is a mix of aggressive concern and sorrow.</p><p> </p><p>Jay holds him like this is real, like the real Jay would if this was really happening. There’s a weighted feeling on the space where his hyung’s head normally sits with his chin hooked atop his shoulder. On his periphery, that unmistakable blonde with a light gradient of lilac. His arms feel like the real thing and he smells just like the real Jay.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Huh. That’s nice.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck? What do you mean ‘that’s nice’?! Jesus Christ! Jungwonie, what the fuck? Why?” Jungwon feels him shake.</p><p> </p><p>He’s amazed. He thinks he should have tried to jump earlier if this was where the dream was going. Lord knows he stared out into nothing for so long wondering, waiting if something else was going to happen. Or maybe he should’ve turned around. They probably could’ve gotten into some dream shenanigans. Get silly, be stupid and maybe he’d come away with a story to share when he inevitably wakes.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? You heard that?” Jungwon turns to face his hyung. He’s amused, of course he heard that. There is no line between thought and speech in dreams. He probably doesn’t have to open his mouth to speak. He’s a little surprised he bothered asking the question. He should know this. It is his dream. He is pretty impressed with himself though, this isn’t a bad representation of Jay. The shape of his eyes, the angle of his jaw line, his nose, his ears, his mouth. This is definitely Jay. Good job, Yang Jungwon’s brain. “Good to see you, hyung!”</p><p> </p><p>“What?! Why are you being so cavalier about this?” Dream Jay is freaking out and Jungwon can only smile at the response, “Why are you smiling? Wonie, what happened? Are you okay?” His eyes well up in tears, so concerned and so afraid. His face distorts with so much pain. Still holding Jungwon by the shoulders he pulls him in hard. It’s a desperate, clinging, sorrowful embrace.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon almost feels bad, but knows that everything’s alright. It’s a dream and he knows it. “Huh. Just like the real deal. Okay.” he smiles and reciprocates the embrace. This is pretty okay. A little dramatic, but what the hey.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie,” the voice starts crying, the arms wrapped around his body keep pulling him closer, the hands grip desperately at his side and on the back of his head, “Wonie, please. Talk to me. Why are you being like this?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay pulls away, tears streaming down his face. His hands come up to both sides of the younger boy’s face and his eyes are searching for an answer, pleading for a reason why the face in his hands is slowly breaking into an increasingly larger smile, “Oh my god. They broke you. You finally broke,” his voice comes out a horrified whisper. Jay starts weeping.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon starts laughing. It starts with a snort then a bright sound, like a melody, a beautiful dissonance against the grim scenario. There’s nothing about what’s happening that’s funny. It’s what he sees and he genuinely thinks it’s hilarious.</p><p> </p><p>“Holy shit! Your cry face! That’s too real! Holy fucking shit, I love my brain.” Jungwon’s eyes dart around, he notices its still the same scene. This one hundred percent is still just a dream and he is floored by how accurately his brain has recreated Park Jay’s infamous, memeable crying face.</p><p> </p><p>A look of utter despair washes over the older boy’s face, he is mortified by this reaction. He is so confused and so terribly upset by what he’s seeing. He does what the real Jay would do if this were real and just throws Jungwon back in his arms and holds him, a clutching hold behind his head, on his neck, on his hair, in a complete state of mourning, calling him by that nick name over and over, rocking back and forth in grief.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly this stops being funny to Jungwon. Even if this is a dream, this is sad. This is too much. He starts feeling terrible for Dream Jay.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah, hyung…” Jungwon pulls himself back now expressing appropriate emotion in response to the energy before him. Pulled apart Jay doesn’t let go of him. His hands stay by his waist, still with that same anguish. Jungwon swears he starts to feel his sorrow through that touch. “Hyung…”</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t like this at all. This isn’t funny. Even if this is a dream, it hurts to see Jay this way and he can’t let this keep going on because it hurts his heart like it’s real. Must be pulling from memories, things he knows he’s felt seeing that face in times past.</p><p> </p><p>He wipes the tears from Jay’s eyes and it feels real. He looks at his hyung’s face, caresses his cheeks. He strokes the hair from his face. This is Jay.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon feels so terrible for Dream Jay. He wants his mind to make that pain go away.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie?” a whisper. A confused, mournful, deeply concerned whisper. Still the same searching look on his face.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon shakes his head. He feels awful but knows this is his dream and he knows its not his fault this Jay feels bad. So Jungwon does something spontaneous for the same reason why he resolved to casually walk off a cliff in his dream. He does something to change the scene, to make Jay hyung in dream not be so sad. He tries something he’s curious about. Why not? This is a dream.</p><p> </p><p>He cradles Jay’s face in his hands, focuses on the warmth radiating from his skin on his palms, takes the liquid sensation of his tears hot on his fingertips, he scans his features. He takes his time because this is a dream and what is time? Jay’s hands come up to hold his wrists, the look in his eyes shift from sorrow to wonder. Jungwon curls his lip in a smirk and leans forward, upward and carefully wipes a tear hyung’s cheek with his thumb. Then he licks his thumb and tastes that tear.</p><p> </p><p>He’s never tried that before. Just take the time to explore his senses other than sight in a dream. Touch and taste, earlier smell. He’s lucid enough to attempt it and he knows what the real thing’s like. He thinks to himself that he did this for science.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. Salty.” he pulls back amused and he notices the face in front of him change into wide-eyed wonder. The hands stay in his wrists but the grip softens and they move down by his elbows.</p><p> </p><p>Again, Jungwon finds this amusing. Jay’s reaction is pretty funny. He’s not crying, he’s just in a state of shock. What the hell, this <em>is</em> a dream anyway. No consequences. He leans into that thought and gives himself permission to conduct another experiment. Moving his hands from Jay’s face to the space between his shoulders and his neck, he gets on his toes, lifts up again, puts some weight in his hands leaning Jay forward and buried his nose in his hair. He clearly smells like Jay, just like that whiff from earlier, like the memory of the smell of Jay. Maybe he lingers. It’s a dream who knows? Because what is time even in a dream. This is not bad for a dream.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. That’s crazy, but okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Dream Jay looks like he’s reaching for words to say. He even more confused than before and his hands move from elbows to waist.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s mouth flies open just so terribly amused. He laughs, just quiet a breathy open-mouthed laugh that devolves into a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>He looks over this Jay with that bemused expression, still in awe of his own imagination. He studies him like he’s his creation, because that’s what he is in this dream. He made this with his mind. A detail he finds most intriguing, something so small he can’t help but obsess over. Distinctly, a birthmark on his neck. How’s he end up with something so thorough?</p><p> </p><p>At that he decides to lean into this opportunity. A chance to mess with Jay, maybe in a way he’s thought of before. For what, who cares? There are no consequences to this dream, just a curiosity to satiate and it sort of makes sense with all the times he’s had to film team member after team member biting his neck.</p><p> </p><p>He does the biting today. Perhaps this is an act of revenge against that fate. He delights at the thought and without hesitation he goes for it. He remembers the eyes that go wide at the sight of him lunge. Like a scene in a movie, like scenes he’s filmed, Jungwon in this dream moves to bite Dream Jay right on that birthmark.</p><p> </p><p>The dream ends to the sound of a single horse neigh on repeat.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Haaah.” he sighs, recovering from that spontaneous spike of seratonin, body now buzzing with caffeine and maybe something else, “That was nice,” he’s not entirely sure why he said that but he won’t bother to process a dream that random, “but so messed up.” he says to himself.</p><p> </p><p>
<em>Yikes. I’ve got issues... but now is not the time. Deal with this day first. I’m ready. Letchugo.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>That’s what he wants for himself, what he says to himself but he’s not ready for what this day becomes.</p><p> </p><p>Setting his tumbler on the cupholder armrest he reaches into his backpack and pulls out an unassuming container. A light blue plastic accordion file folder on the small side, like a sheet of paper folded in half lengthwise, the kind of document organizer that would hold checks and receipts, but it’s full with something else. It’s labeled with a single sticker, a small one. A tiny eagle no larger than his pinky nail. The label is for no one other than himself to understand. It holds small notes, hand written letters, a few Polaroids. Jungwon peels off the post it from his cup and he places it flat inside a sleeve, already over capacity. What’s one more sheet?</p><p> </p><p>There’s a lot of these types of messages, little pieces of encouragement. Jay is his own personal ENGENE, and he treasures these memories. It started with a few short notes exchanged as trainees, a few pictures with friends, then letters. The more experiences they shared together, more tokens appeared in this file. Tickets, stickers, actual receipts, evidence of a life shared with someone who means something special. He could never bear to throw any of these away, with the amount of care and effort clearly put into each artifact, so he keeps them. All of them. He just means that much to him.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes a stray letter will find its way out of the folio, on days like these when it seems like the thread holding him together threatens to fray. He’ll pull one out at random to read because at times when he’s low, when he needs to be reminded that even on bad days, there’s someone looking out for him who sees him for the struggling, stressed-out, mischievous kid he really is behind this well-crafted veneer. These words make him feel better because he feels SEEN. Jay makes him feel okay about being this messed up kid, this cunning bad boy who makes an effort to do good things to protect what he loves, his team and their dream. He can be this person, himself, and he’s allowed. Someone likes him for who he is, someone he trusts enough to lean on.</p><p> </p><p>To him, Jay is that someone else to be strong when he can’t do more than feel the weight of being himself.</p><p> </p><p>This unassuming half-sized accordion folder is evidence that Park Jongseong has always been right behind him at all times, even when he physically isn’t.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>At one point in my life all my timers and alarms were single animal noises on repeat. </p><p>_________</p><p>We're going at a slightly different pace here, we're working with a different energy but it'll get there to that familiar speed soon enough. This time I'm not going to try to figure out how many chapters this'll be in advance.</p><p>Please let me know what you think so far. This is my mothership and fr I just want to do it justice. Wish me luck.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Oh wow. Okay?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon knows he has issues. Jay steps back his issues.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jay walks into a bar, dressed to the nines, leaned so far left into fancy lad mode that he looks almost like a completely different person. Today he isn’t ENHYPEN’s Jay. He walks into an exclusive private club, the kind only accessible to the elite class. Stepping through a heavy unmarked door at 9:30 in the morning, he enters this familiar establishment as his father’s son.</p><p> </p><p>He almost wears his father’s fedora but at the last minute he remembers that no one in his generation looks good in a fedora, so he leaves this piece on his dresser drawer.</p><p> </p><p>Let’s start off with a review of toJay’s fashion: A long brown coat over a sleek-cut navy pinstriped suit. A silk dress shirt with a distressed collar, the first three buttons undone over a fitted turtleneck in the finest cashmere. Sharp yet rugged combat leather boots. He accessorizes with a few simple, yet high quality platinum pieces. A slab lapel pin with a thin line of ebony inlaid, bullet cufflinks by <em>Yves Saint Laurent</em>, a fine chain around his neck, the mismatched earrings he set aside earlier— one stud, one dangling, a <em>Cartier</em> ring on his thumb and his father’s watch on his wrist. Around his waist, a leather belt with a distinctly <em>Balenciaga</em> buckle. He ties the look together with another cashmere piece, a wide scarf draped over his shoulders. His hair is strategically fluffy and he wears a hint of cologne. True to his previous commitment to himself, he wears his glasses, the tortoise shell frames he hasn’t worn out.</p><p> </p><p>No brand names show on this coordinate ensemble, he is classy like that, and this look isn’t flashy its an all caps CLEAN. The vibe and the swagger are enough to intimidate. It sends a message. That message is that this boy Park Jongseong is distinctly expensive.</p><p> </p><p>Some of this he blames on Sunoo and the promise he made, to make this day a legend. He was about to go out looking like himself, but with the absence of his usual peanut gallery of team mates’ incessant teasing, he decides to go all out. It starts with him reassessing what to wear after that talk in the closet. The next step was restyling his hair. Wavy, fancy. Everything else fell into place after that. Maybe his comment about Sunoo’s box being a Tardis and these tortoise shell frames helped guide this look. Maybe. Except that maybe is a <em>definitely</em> because Jay’s basically put together a tie-less, turtleneck version of the tenth Doctor’s iconic outfit but with a black COVID mask.</p><p> </p><p>Today he reaches into a part of himself he doesn’t access often — his not so humble beginnings. A part of this was his way of disassociating with the person he is everyday, not necessarily wanting to deal with the thoughts that have haunted him since waking. His dream. This terrifying dream. He recognizes the gravity of that dream, what his mind may be working out because the feelings linger and they’re strong.</p><p> </p><p>Everyday Jay has struggled with these thoughts, and so that boy takes a seat to make way for Fancy Lad Jongseong. He kind of hates this guy but today he needs that face to get away, take a break, work things out, gain some distance from his issues and recalibrate his perspective. Sometimes he’s just too close to the problem to see things clearly.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, young master Park. It’s been a while. Congratulations on your recent success,” a bespectacled older gentleman behind a mahogany counter greets him with salt and pepper hair, a sleek, black surgical mask in a white rolled up button-down shirt and a tweed vest. You know that behind that mask has to be some sort of handlebar mustache. It’s implied. This is the kind of guy who could pull off a monocle and no one would blink. “To what do we owe this pleasure this morning?”</p><p> </p><p>This is a place his father would frequent for a liquid lunch or just any time of day for a cigar. This place is known to a few powerful people and its open round the clock. It’s old decor says it’s been around a while. A few times he’d hang around here when he’d tag along with his father or they’d meet here. Eat a sandwich, chill on a leather couch while he plays a handheld game, do his homework or read a book.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, good to see you too.” Jay’s never bothered to know this barman’s name. He doesn’t have to. No matter how many times he’s changed his look, this man knows who he is even if he is only showing a fraction of his face. He’s practically a family friend. “I’m here to hang out for a bit. Wrap my brain around some things.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can I get you anything?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay takes a seat at a stool. He’s the only customer at this hour. He thinks about how he’d like to begin his day and what he wants to get out of starting it right here of all places. Maybe something wholesome, this oppa makes a great cup of coffee and the pastries here are exquisite.</p><p> </p><p>Then he feels a buzz from his coat. He reaches to grab his phone, a text from Jungwon.</p><p> </p><p><em>                   me rn </em>😑</p><p> </p><p>It’s followed immediately by a picture. A selca of him with his eyes closed and his little tongue out looking cute but absolutely done.</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes his head, smiling. He changes his mind about his order and where this day is going, “An Irish coffee,” he says nonchalant, slipping his phone back in his pocket.</p><p> </p><p>The barman doesn’t even blink at this order. He knows Jay’s underaged, but he’s also an elite and no one is here to see him serve alcohol, not that anyone who has access to this place would care. “<em>Jameson</em> alright? Or would you prefer another type of whiskey?” He just has to clarify the order to make sure he heard right.</p><p> </p><p>He rubs his chin to think, “That works,” to pretend he has an opinion before he answers.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you want that hot or iced?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Cream and sugar?”</p><p> </p><p>“Both.”</p><p> </p><p>“Milk or dark chocolate?</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>If the barman didn’t have a mask on you’d see the corners of his mouth turned up in a smile, “I serve my Irish coffee with a few shavings of chocolate,” but his response is matter-of-fact.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I thought you were messing with me,” this boy ordering an alcoholic beverage runs his hand through his wavy blonde, “Make it dark.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you want a bendy straw with that?” Behind his mask this old man is actually openly grinning at this point, “I’ve got a sparkly one that does a loop-de-loop if you fancy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damnit, now you are messing with me.” Jay’s eyes narrow, appalled and a little embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Yes I am,” the answer comes with a clear unapologetic nod, “Anything solid to go with breakfast?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s head droops, “Ugh… can I get a chocolate croissant?” He wishes he had a more mature request but he really wants that chocolate croissant.</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely. Toasted or—“</p><p> </p><p>“I DON’T CARE.”</p><p> </p><p>The old man stifles a laugh, “Right away then.” He leans his forearms on the bar counter, “Although, Jongseong-ah… you <em>are</em> severely underaged and it is so early in the day to start drinking. You good, kid?”</p><p> </p><p>“A few times I’ve seen you give my dad pineapple and tequila before sunrise. Are you really going to give me a hard time about this?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, of course not. You’re getting your order. I worry, as a person. It’s bartender code not to get in customer’s business, but I’ve seen you grow up. You’re concerned over something. I ask because I care...” This actually sounds like a warm sentiment but barman has no morals, “about pairing a compatible beverage best suited to your problem, not about the underage alcohol consumption itself because I do this all the time. I serve children much younger than you mimosas on Sunday morning easy. Not a big deal. You just don’t know what you’re ordering yet and I like you, kid. And I want a good tip.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay does a deep blink and rests his palms on the counter to lean in, “You’re not getting a tip if you keep prying, ahjussi,” he’s not being rude, he just knows this guy with no morals should step off his case.</p><p> </p><p>“Understood,” the barman leans off the mahogany and begins to walk off.</p><p> </p><p>“Just… keep this to yourself. You know what I am now. Let me live. I am in my head about something and I want just one before I go on a walk.”</p><p> </p><p>“Say no more. I’ve got you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll use my own card,” he slides a heavy black card across the polished mahogany, “Don’t put this on my dad’s tab.”</p><p> </p><p>Old man takes the card with his gloved hand, “That was assumed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay well, I’m gonna go hang my coat, chill out on a couch and think. Thanks ahjussi.”</p><p> </p><p>“My pleasure.”</p><p> </p><p>Expensive Jongseong strolls off toward a familiar couch, one rich with memories. He slips off his mask, takes off his coat, grabs his phone and proceeds to craft an appropriate text response.</p><p> </p><p><em>                   aww </em>🥺</p><p> </p><p>He waits for his order, takes a picture of his croissant with a finger heart in the foreground and presses send. He hopes Jungwon has a better day.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He’s not drunk. He’s buzzed. That’s what Jay tells himself at 10:00 when he steps back out on the street. He tells himself he did that, day drink for no reason to ease himself into thinking about what his dream could mean. Except he did everything but think. He fucked around on his phone, playing games, looking through look books for the shops nearby, watched a few fancy videos. By the end of his cup and his croissant he’s done no thinking. On purpose he’d forgotten about dealing. He decides fuck it, let’s do some retail therapy. Shops just opened. He ducks into an alley to cut through the block when he sees something he probably shouldn’t have witnessed.</p><p> </p><p>A young boy in a light blue surgical mask delivering a flying roundhouse kick to the side of a shabby looking man’s face. The glint of a shiv flies from the shabby man’s hands.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What the fuck?!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jay freezes in his tracks, shocked into (semi) sobriety. He finds the nearest thing to crouch behind, a dumpster and looks on in horror. He should’ve run, but he’s only semi sober. No, he’s drunk because at this moment, he thinks its a good idea to watch.</p><p> </p><p>It looks like a kid in a big puffy coat with a large fur trimmed hood, lean denim pants and a light blue sweater. He’s a good distance away, he can’t make out features but from where he’s hiding, that’s definitely a kid. The backpack’s a hint as are those big child-like eyes, ablaze with canned rage. The old man is down, he looks homeless. Jay’s brain puts together that this kid was probably about to get mugged. He reaches into his pocket to reach for his phone, about to call the police to help this kid out and then… he sees… this kid proceed to beat the shit out of the man on the ground. The old man is down. The knife is so far away and he’s no longer a threat.</p><p> </p><p>“AH! OWW!! FUCK!!!” the old man yells in a fetal position, “FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE BITCH!” He keeps yelling, it’s aggressive but he never actually relents, he just curses as he’s railed on.</p><p> </p><p>The kid won’t stop kicking. No words are said, he hasn’t made a sound. With eyebrows in a delicate knot and eyes glinting with so much anger, he just keeps kicking.</p><p> </p><p>Jay watches from the sidelines, frozen at the sight of this brutality. He chalks it up to his state of inebriation when he finds himself thinking, <em>Oh wow. Okay? That kid’s eyes are kinda pretty.</em></p><p> </p><p>Suddenly he sees something he wasn’t ready for. Its at this point he decides he’s not buzzed. He’s drunk. He’s wasted. He must have blacked out from that one cup of Irish coffee and passed out at the bar, still sitting on that leather couch.</p><p> </p><p>The old man’s stopped yelling, he isn’t moving. He must be out. Finally the kid finally stops kicking. He rips off his mask and with so much venom, spits at the person he’s been assaulting.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s right. I am pretty AND little bitch. Never forget that a pretty little bitch just beat the hell outta you,” the kid says this with so much ire and he grits his teeth. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, slips his mask back on, throws his hood up and runs.</p><p> </p><p>Jay is stunned.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Was that Jungwonie?</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jay finds himself wandering the city sidewalk in a daze. He’s forgotten about shopping, his dream and the fact that he drank so early in the day. He’s just shook.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The fuck did I just see?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Picking up his phone, he looks back at the text Jungwon sent to examine the selca. He finds himself disappointed to see the picture was taken from the neck up. No defining details of the outfit Jungwon wore the day and he was asleep when he left.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>No way that was him. He’s at the leadership seminar. Its only 10:30. He’s not out. There’s no way.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>If there was only just some way he could be sure he’d find a little peace to move on with his day. Sure, he’d have to process the trauma of having witnessed a violent crime but that’s nothing compared to the cloud of disturbing assumptions currently plaguing him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Think. What should I do? Should I just text him, ask if he’s okay? Should I ask about the seminar? Should I ask him what he’s wearing? Should I ask him if he just beat up a dude in the alleyway half to death??</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He knows he’s worried about nothing. He just got that selca barely an hour ago. Jungwon is indoors somewhere, that is the rational truth. Jungwon is busy and he shouldn’t be bothered with unnecessary thoughts. Plus that kid had fluffy hair, that’s not how Jungwon would’ve worn his hair today. Today it would’ve been straight, that’s the look he knows he would’ve gone with knowing his dongsaeng. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wait. He but he DID have fluffy hair today.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jay doesn’t want him to worry or to come across as being needy or to give away the fact that he might not be a hundred percent in a lucid state of mind but he feels the need to contact the younger boy. He has to know. He has to know for sure, in no uncertain terms that the kid in the alley wasn’t Jungwon.</p><p> </p><p>Realizing where he is, stood still in front of a boutique he finds himself blinking heavily, breathing hard, choking on his own nervous energy. He looks up and sees his reflection on a storefront window and an idea hits him. A selca. He takes a picture of himself. It’ll look like he’s just showing off his outfit. Just Jay showing off toJay’s fashion. He’ll probably get a response with a similar picture around when Wonie has his lunch break. This thought brings him some relief. Finally, a feasible, actionable plan.</p><p> </p><p>Ruffling his hair for volume and adjusting his glasses, he readies himself for that selca. He takes the shot, writes a little something and sends.</p><p> </p><p><em>                   toJays fashion </em>😎✨</p><p> </p><p>Satisfied with himself he continues his stroll. He’ll walk this energy off. At the very least, he’s back to thinking about what he needed a day off outside the dorm to think about.</p><p> </p><p>At a crosswalk with a crowd of people waiting for the signal to move, Jay’s pocket buzzes again.</p><p> </p><p>                   😳</p><p> </p><p>One emoji response from Jungwon.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh. Wow. Okay. I guess I look that good?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s glad he’s got a mask on, he doesn’t have to hide the fact that he’s smiling and maybe blushing. He doesn’t know, he’s drunk and his cheeks are already flushed from that to begin with. His heart starts to race again. This is the feeling he has to process. This reaction he gets from one emoji from this specific dongsaeng, what this means and what his dreams are trying to tell him. It’s a lot. It’s complicated.</p><p> </p><p>The light signaling the crowd to cross comes on and he starts to make his way to the other side of the busy street. He’s lost in his mind and his chest swells with emotion he tries to understand. If he got this exact emoji from Sunghoon he knows he wouldn’t feel this way. He probably would’ve sent it off with a message like <em>‘damn right i better than u rn.’</em> If it was Heeseung he’d send the smiley with little hearts. If it was Sunoo he’d just say thanks and too many heart emojis. If it was Jake he’d send a knife and if it was Niki he’d check if he left his fly down or something in the selca.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t know how to respond because he doesn’t know exactly what he wants to say. It makes him feel good to get that reaction, but what is that reaction saying?</p><p> </p><p>On the other side of the street he picks his phone back up and looks at the message and he looks at his picture again. Did he really look that good in it? He took it without really paying as much attention as he usually does.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck?!” Jay’s blood runs cold.</p><p> </p><p>Behind him in the photo he sees unmistakably that kid from earlier. Not up close, but a few people away. Its blurry in the background and you can’t see his face but the outfit. That’s him. Outfit recollection is a latent skill Jay’s developed through out the years of being so fashion-forward. He wishes he didn’t see that. He almost drops his phone. This kid has begun to haunt him like a ghost.</p><p> </p><p>In real time he sees another response from Jungwon come in. The selca he’s been waiting for, the one that should’ve eased his mind confuses him even further. He almost drops his phone.</p><p> </p><p>“THE FUCK?!” Jay says this at full volume on the sidewalk, startling passers by.</p><p> </p><p>In his ear a familiar voice says, “Boo.”</p><p> </p><p>With his eyes wide open in shock and a death grip on his phone he turns around slowly. He can’t breathe or won’t breathe. He doesn’t know. Jay is afraid, so very afraid of what he knows he’s about to see.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung! I can’t believe that was you in front of me at the crosswalk,” its Yang Jungwon, all smiles with his fingers on his backpack straps, “How’d you know I was back there? That was clever. Getting just a bit of me in that selca. I didn’t realize that was you ahead of me. Not gonna lie, I got spooked for a sec but that was cute of you to notice. Appreciate you letting me know.”</p><p> </p><p>His hands are cold. Now he knows. He know what he saw. He knows that was him all along.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s my hug? Don’t be weird, hyung. That wasn’t even that good a scare.”</p><p> </p><p>On his phone, the image that scared him so was Jungwon. In his big puffy coat with a fuzzy trim, his light blue sweater, his big back pack and his denim jeans taking a selca right behind a taller man in a sharp brown coat with a sleek scarf and tossed blonde hair. A selca of Jungwon right behind himself at the crosswalk.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie. Hi.” Jay’s words come out stiff and he struggles to gulp.</p><p> </p><p>The boy gives him a heartfelt hug. The boy who beat up that old man senseless in the alley. Without a shadow of a doubt Jay knows now that boy in the alley with the pretty eyes was Yang Jungwon.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>These last two chapters are a lot more atmospheric and maybe a bit more serious than I'm used to writing, having come off the heels of Brush Your Teeth and Spa Day. I just have to set up the stage for a bit before we get back to our regularly scheduled programming of mostly conversational pieces. </p><p>Obviously this Jay is a gross exaggeration of wealth and privilege. Like lol idk who lives like this but this is my kdrama so 💅🏻✨</p><p>Hope this was okay. Let me know what you think?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. You got it, boss!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon wears a light blue mask. Jay wears a black mask.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This entire chapter is a conversation taking place on a city street behind masks, something I insist on writing about because this fic is COVID compliant. 😷✨</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is surprisingly easy for Jay and Jungwon to get lost in conversation. It’s part of why they get along so well. No matter what’s happened in the periphery of their lives, be it jarring or frustratingly mundane, once they have each other in full view, everything else just fades away. They’ve got the kind of friendship that is always just so present, as if nothing else takes priority over the this active connection.</p><p> </p><p>Always, there’s a lot to say. It comes out eventually, but not without this dance— a mix of appreciation of each other’s lives in their space and a bit of psychological hide and go seek.</p><p> </p><p>Individually their mornings have been loaded with incidents that take so much brain power to process, but when you have a friend like Jay is to Jungwon and Jungwon is to Jay, you just want to talk about the now. Be present and shoot the shit.</p><p> </p><p>They find themselves walking down the sidewalk with no real destination with nothing more than the intention to engage. The concerns in Jay’s heart and the stress built up in Jungwon’s shoulders fade away.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” the younger boy in a light blue mask starts the conversation, “thanks for the coffee this morning.”</p><p> </p><p>Beneath his black mask the older boy smiles, “Thanks for the doodle,” his eyes relay that message, “you didn’t have to. It was cute.”</p><p> </p><p>Bouncing on his heels as he walks he responds, “Same.” he makes a point to be broad but specific about his compliments, “For the coffee AND your doodle.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, your notes ALWAYS make me smile.”</p><p> </p><p>It’s that enthusiasm and gratitude make the effort worthwhile for both of them</p><p> </p><p>“Good.” Jungwon nods, gripping his backpack straps just a little tighter, “I wanted that. I tried.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes, a little bashful, dart to his lower right, a little curious to see what that face looked like when he said ‘he tried.’</p><p> </p><p>“Did it taste okay?” he asks knowing he did good but still wanting to be praised.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly how I like it,” the response to that question is clear acknowledgment with a head tilt to his upper left to make eye contact, “It’s been the only good thing to happen to me today, until running into you.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon wants him to know he’s smiling because he knows Jay wants to know. It’s an extra effort to express that feeling because mask life.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie you’re gonna make me blush,” he already is, pretty much.</p><p> </p><p>“Go for it,” he poses the unnecessary dare to segue into a rational observation, “You kinda need the color right now. Jay hyung, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” the younger boy’s tone changes. “Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean,” Jay stalls to answer honestly, “Seeing you out in the street is shocking. What’re you doing here? What happened to the seminar?”</p><p> </p><p>“Cancelled. Leadership trainer had a last minute COVID scare. Was stuck in a waiting room forever before they called it off. Dullest three hours of my life,” Jungwon sighs, a little disappointed with his day and something else, “They offered to van me back home but I figured I’d go walk off some steam. I’ve been out for hours, just wandering around the city.”</p><p> </p><p>“That sucks… but wait,” for a second Jay thinks that makes sense, but no actually that doesn’t make sense. “Didn’t you just send me a text from the building like an hour ago? The selca indoors.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you just get that?” Jungwon’s eyebrows go up and quickly furrow, “I sent that at around 7-ish while they kept me on pause mode. They room that was a signal dead zone for some reason.” he pads the rest of this thought with bullshit, “I think it was near where they keep the servers? Must be a faraday cage thingie, eh.” He’s has no idea what he’s talking about but doesn’t care to try to make sense.</p><p> </p><p>Blonde hair whips around, “The what?” requesting clarification.</p><p> </p><p>“I sent the text earlier, said message failed. I’m not sure why you got that message hours later.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” he stops at another crosswalk, signaling to the younger the change in direction with a wave of his hand, “Then where have you been?”</p><p> </p><p>“Around,” his black hair shakes with a fluffy <em>‘no,’ </em>not wanting to take that direction. Tugging on the older boy’s sleeve, he wordlessly suggests they keep walking straight. “What’re you up to now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wandering, walking, maybe shopping? Just winging it. Pretty much this,” the older boy follows, “I… had breakfast at a place me and my dad used to go to,” he lets himself get lead further down this path.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon walks just a little bit ahead. He asks, “Is that why you smell weird?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Jay’s eyebrows go up, dragging a little behind.</p><p> </p><p>“Generally, you smell weird today,” the boy ahead turns around with his hands again on his backpack straps, “but mostly weird in the mouth.” He keeps stepping forward, walking backwards.</p><p> </p><p><em>Did he just raise his eyebrow at me? </em>“Excuse me?”</p><p> </p><p>He turns back around to walk normally. With a hint of suspicion he asks, “What did you have other than a croissant?”</p><p> </p><p>They stop at another intersection, waiting to cross the street.</p><p> </p><p>“Uhhh…” Jay thinks about lying, “a coffee?” but to Jungwon he can only tell half truths.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon rolls his eyes, “Don’t bullshit me mate,” he pulls out some second-hand English from his back pocket.</p><p> </p><p>“What!?” Jay’s a little weirded out by that, “Did you get that line from Jake?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Trying to add a few English phrases to up my <em>charisma</em>,” with learned pronunciation Yang Leader says the word in English.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, don’t use that. It doesn’t work for you.” Insightful observation as usual from this hyung, “Plus its got a curse word and the gap between your face and the curse and the very Australian term for friend doesn’t make any sense.”</p><p> </p><p>“Noted.” Dongsaeng nods, actually taking that advice to heart. He knows that’s a fair point, “Your mouth still smells weird,” but he’s not about to let this other point go.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jay throws his hands up with his fingers together in front of his chest, “When did you smell my mouth?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mask, bro.” Jungwon points at his own mask and lifts his eyebrows in a knowing raise, “We hugged. The mask smell was weird.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Okay,” relieved for reasons he has yet to process, his hand goes over his chest. “That makes sense.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon gives him a look, “Did you drink?” he folds his arms over his chest, “Don’t lie. I’ve been around adults.”</p><p> </p><p>“… Yes?” Jay couldn’t lie if he wanted to, “Are you disappointed?” and right now he wants to.</p><p> </p><p>The pedestrian light goes on with permission to walk. They stay still for a while, unsure of how to move.</p><p> </p><p>Over his shoulder the younger boy says flatly, “I’m disappointed that I have to hang out with someone who’s not on my level.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, I felt that.” a guilty grimace, “I’m sorry Wonie.” That hurt Jay’s heart.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon walks ahead, Jay trails behind but not by much. They reach the other side of the street, quiet. A lot of silent thinking happens between point A of the crosswalk to point B.</p><p> </p><p>On the other side of the street young Yang begins again. “Buy me a drink then,” he lifts his head to look his hyung in the eye, “Take me with you. Down to that level.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Jay knows what he heard, he’s just not sure why he’s hearing this from his dongsaeng, “What did you say?</p><p> </p><p>“I said, buy me a drink Jay hyung. That way I’ll be inebriated too and we can hang out on the same level.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jungwonie, that’s not how it works,” the boy in the black mask knows he’s a hypocrite for saying this, “You’re not even close to the legal age of drinking.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah, hyung, I want to try. Plus you’re also underage,” little boy blue is getting a little frustrated with black mask’s hypocrisy.</p><p> </p><p>“Fair point.” Jay’s not sure what to do but something calls him to act, he sees a plea in Jungwon’s eyes but he can’t read it. He doesn’t know exactly what he’s looking at, but it feels a little sad.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you not want to hang?” he’s not whining or being a brat. Something’s not right about everything today. “It’s no problem if you need your space.”</p><p> </p><p>“No!” Jay protests practically yelling, again disturbing passers-by.</p><p> </p><p>“Cool,” seemingly unsurprised Jungwon just nods and turns on his heel to walk away, “See you at home then,” he gives a weak wave, not bothering to stay for a response.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, no!” Panicked at the reaction, Jay grabs Jungwon’s sleeve. He knows he would’ve taken him in a hug by the shoulders if not for that bag in the way, “I meant that ‘no’ to giving me space and in that ‘No, I do not <em>NOT</em> want to hang out’ kinda way”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon stumbles back, “That is a confusing way of phrasing things,” He takes a breath to collect himself. Thank god he’s got a great poker face. “So, did you wanna hang out?” For a minute he’s glad for the mask, at least he only has to control how much he shows in his eyes, “because I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, let’s. I always want to hang out with you.” Jay catches himself the second after the words leave his mouth. It felt like the right thing to say, It’s what he felt, but he can’t wrap his head around what that feeling is so he tries this angle, “Its always fun hanging out with my favorite dongsaeng.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon nods in acceptance, “Good,” the answer should have made him feel better, but it doesn’t. “Thank you Jay hyung,” he takes his arm back and gives two solid pats on his hyung’s back. Two solid, platonic pats. “Now let’s go get me day drunk.” he says this like he has a reason to drink because maybe he does.</p><p> </p><p>Somehow Jay knows what he said offered no comfort. “Wait, you’re serious about that?” He should’ve said something else, maybe less or something more?</p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung, I’ve had a really bad day,” the younger boy breathes a deep sigh, “I just want to hang with my hyung and be on the same plane of sobriety. I want to be in the same headspace as you because I don’t like where mine’s at. I need this connection so much right now,” he closes his eyes and it stays closed as he delivers the next few lines, “Please, just let me live. I’m so frustrated and I feel like I’m gonna fucking cry,” he balls his fists up into his long sleeves, holding onto so many pent up emotions.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, it’s not even noon yet,” Jay wants to give him a hug, but they’re on the street. He realizes again that he’s being a hypocrite, that he drank before the day’s hours hit double digits. He eases up with a kinder tone, “Are you sure?”</p><p> </p><p>The response is another sigh, a deeper and heavier sigh. Jungwon opens his eyes. They’re red, tired and so sad. Jay sees it, the fatigue. Poor Jungwon looks like he’s already been through so much. He wants to know more about his bad day and how he can make it better. He hates seeing that face on <em>that face</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Jay resolves to do something, what he can and try. They’re in the middle of a sidewalk, in masks with people passing by. He takes Jungwon’s hand and relents, “I’ve got a place we can go to get you something, but you can’t tell anyone and you’ve got to behave.”</p><p> </p><p>His hand is cold and there’s something else. Jay feels it in that touch, like he might cry too. He doesn’t know why, so he does what feels right. He puts Jungwon’s hand in his coat pocket and he leads him to continue their walk. Maybe they can go back to that private club, duck in there in the safety and anonymity of this establishment under the watch of an Ahjussi with no morals like his father and other elites have, as he did this morning. That’ll be nice. Safe. Familiar. Jungwon will be safe with him there.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon however, has his own ideas. “Can we go drink outdoors?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wh—? Wonie?!” Jay almost gets mad, he HAD a plan. Saying yes to this throws all that security out the window. All the privilege and advantages Jay can lean on fall away if he strays from that direction.</p><p> </p><p>He’s about to scold the younger boy but then he sees him look up. Suddenly he can’t help himself. Nothing kills him more than that face, that tired, pleading face. He can only see part of it, but it’s enough to break his heart. Jay will do anything to make that sadness go away. Jungwon wins. He’ll get his way.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. I’ll pull some strings. You pick where to hang but it has to be somewhere discreet. We can’t be found like this, our faces are everywhere in this city.”</p><p> </p><p>At this Jungwon flips a switch. His eyes light up with a new intensity, he takes his hands and grips his backpack straps again, “I’ve got just the place,” he starts off excitedly, “There’s a condemned high rise I scoped out nearby.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Security’s lax to none and I have a plan,” he relays his message with his thumbs remaining under the straps, but talking animatedly with his hands, “We can probably set up base up the stairs to the rooftop, be dumb and unbothered," he says all of this too quickly, nodding his head like this is the most logical thing to do.“</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wasn’t he just about to cry?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“It’s about fifteen stories up, we should scale that without issue. We’re dancers, we have the advantage of leg strength and stamina to scale it on foot,” his hands ball up, raised to illustrate the word ‘strength.’</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fifteen stories? ON FOOT??</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“and we’re probably not going to get too wasted because between going up and down the steps we’d burn so many calories that we metabolize the wasted before we get home.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Or we could die?!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve got a loose cover story to get us in or out if we get caught, I’ll fill you in on the main points to remember” despite almost being emotional just a minute ago, this boy’s eyes are ablaze with mischief, “You can act, right? We’ll improvise, but we need to be on the same page,” the young boy’s hands come completely off his straps and he grabs Jay by his shoulders, absolutely determined to get every point across.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What have I enabled?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Follow my lead and we’ll pull this off just fine. You in?” he ends the thought wide-eyed and twinkling with one big clap of his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie. First of all, that’s a lot of work for trespassing. Secondly, why have you thought so much about this?”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you Jay hyung for the summation. One, yeah, I fucking know. Two, I think about a lot of things a lot.”</p><p> </p><p>Against COVID best practices Jay finds himself rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses. “I don’t know why I can’t say no to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I do.” two fingers hover right above Jungwon’s right eye, his version of a wink. “Try catching up someday.”</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck does that mean?” Jay doesn’t get it, he wants to know.</p><p> </p><p>“We can get away with this if you play it cool,” Yang Leader skips over the last question on purpose and decides to focus on something more important, “Also, don’t do that. It isn’t safe for you to touch your eyes. Not in this economy. When was the last time you washed your hands?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re proposing criminal activity! That’s not even the worst part, it’s dangerous AND needlessly exhausting criminal activity!” Jay takes off his glasses, he has to blink a few times to understand everything he just heard. He’s also floored by the fact that despite a manic burst outlining a scheme, Jungwon still has the wherewithal to consider pandemic health and safety measures, “I think I just realized how lucid you are right now and I’m scared.”</p><p> </p><p>“I want to do crimes! Let me. I have a few under my belt already...”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie!” Jay grabs Jungwon by the shoulders, wide-eyed and bewildered.</p><p> </p><p>“—since this morning.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why, Wonie?!?” Jay starts to shake Jungwon by his shoulders. The younger boy just starts laughing. At least, he seems happy now.</p><p> </p><p>Jay thinks about the scene in the alley and has realized he’s forgotten that he’s seen Jungwon beat the shit out of a homeless man earlier in the say. He might need to have a drink to bring that up.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Now is not the time to ask but…</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Its at this point that something changes about Jay. Something snaps. He’s had enough of getting lead around by his fears and feelings that he won’t name. He’s also had enough of trying to read the situation through the prism of assumptions based on literally one-third of Jungwon’s facial expressions, the discordant changes in his manner of speaking, his strategically confusing body language and now this, the laughter— the very detail that disturbed him the most about this morning’s dream.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon is laughing and he looks happy because he wants you to think he is, but his eyes —despite the laughter, the silliness of his plan, the words coming out of his mouth— his eyes betray him. Deep sorrow, confusion and a brimming frustration come through this twinkling eye smile.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s had enough. ENHYPEN’s Jay’s had enough. Fancy Lad, Expensive Jongseong’s had enough of this bullshit. Yang Jungwon’s bullshit, his own bullshit and tired of having a hushed conversation in public wearing these fucking masks. Now’s the time he gets back on schedule, to set out what he planned to do today. Takes the time to think and sort through things, but he’ll do it his way.</p><p> </p><p>He’ll use his cards and play this game with all the advantages he has at his disposal, the parts of him that can translate this mess and the parts of him he’d like to forget. This is the moment he decides to stop being reactive playing by Jungwon’s intentionally convoluted set of rules and picks up a strategy from his book <em>Made by Jay.</em></p><p> </p><p>“Yang Jungwon. Stop laughing,” the older boy speaks in hyung mode, holding his dongsaeng still by the shoulders, “and look me in the eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>Thrown back by this abrupt order, the younger boy concedes. “Jay hyung?” He’s confused yes, but a little relieved.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut the fuck up for a minute and let me talk, okay?” Jay hyung speaks slowly and deliberately with his eyes fully open and his eyebrows slightly raised. The eyes are the only way they can really communicate, “You’ve said a lot of crazy things since running into each other. I think I’ve seen you do something unspeakable, something I never thought my precious dongsaeng Jungwonie could do. You’ve had a bad day. You’re acting out. You want to drink. You want crimes — <em>MORE</em> crimes to commit. AND you’re sad. You’re very sad. Tell me, have I gotten anything wrong so far?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon gulps, “No Jay hyung. You’re right but—”</p><p> </p><p>“Shh. My turn. Listen,” he takes a deep breath and licks his lips beneath his mask as a way of subconsciously instilling confidence in himself. Look it up. That’s real. The older boy continues, “The only thing you’ve said that makes any sense is that seeing me today makes you feel better and that you want to spend time with me. I can do that for you. We’ll do that.”</p><p> </p><p>Under his light blue mask forms a little pout, trembling as it moves to a melancholy smirk, “Its hard. I can’t keep it together today Jay hyung. I just want a little bit of comfort. Help me,” his eyes, once bright start glossing over with tears, “please.” His hands, half covered by sleeves, come up to touch the older boy’s wrists.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, I will. I’m here,” Jay takes his hands from his shoulders and moves to hold those hands, “I’ll help you, I promise but you’ve asked for a lot. Whatever you want or need today I’ve got you. Lunch, a hug, day drinking, crimes — just say the word. I’ll be there, right behind you.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon squeezes the hands holding his, they feel much warmer than they have been all day. He nods, looking down at their hands. In the middle of a sidewalk with so many people passing by, made anonymous by masks, he feels SEEN by the only person he wishes to see him for who he really is.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, what do you really feel? What do you actually need? What can I do for you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah. Hyung, I… I’m not ready to go home. I’m not strong enough to wear that face right now.” He’s trying not to cry, he almost fails. He’s trying to measure his words, but the truth comes pouring out. He’s having trouble making eye contact, but he tries and he fails but he tries again as he speaks the rest of his request. “I need — I want just a little bit time with you.” Finally, he succeeds. He looks Jay in his eyes, “Just you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Understood.” Jay leans back, letting go of one hand, “Let’s go,” he cocks his head to the side, signaling where he’d like to continue this stroll. His eyes are kind.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” Jungwon follows, keeping his grip on the older boy holding his left hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Jungwonie, do you trust me?”</p><p> </p><p>Without hesitation he replies, “Implicitly,” with a squeeze of his fingers.</p><p> </p><p>Jay smiles at that, “We’re going across the street,” he points out a building with his left hand, “—there. It’s pretty cool, you’d like it.” With a swagger he shoots a wink, “You can watch me be expensive.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes go wild. A part of him wants to call it out but he doesn’t. He decides to freak out in private, screaming internally, giddy maybe, excited definitely. No one can see it because Mask Life, but the younger boy is smiling ear to ear. He’ll let this happen. He’ll allow this, just today but he has one more request of Jay.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” at the crosswalk waiting with yet another crowd he tiptoes to whisper, “Let’s <em>jaywalk</em> there.” says the name of the crime in English.</p><p> </p><p>This catches the taller boy off guard, “There are crosswalks?” He points out the obvious with a hint of amusement.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah I don’t care,” with this he’s resolute, he wants this crime. “I want to <em>jaywalk</em> while walking with Jay,” that same mischievous gleam from earlier returns, “because it’s funny.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay starts to in laugh, “That IS funny,” blonde strands falling to his face as he shakes his head no, “It’s also a crime,” but exudes the energy of a yes.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly,” notice of that detail seems to satisfy Jungwon, “That’s what makes this worthwhile. Let’s go at a diagonal from this end of the intersection to that end”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s dangerous!” Jay says in mock shock, keenly aware of what he’s encouraging.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re dancers!" Yang Leader balls up his right fist, shakes it to emphasize the word 'dancers' and the pride he feels to own that title, "Our reflexes are sharp and we’re quick. Plus it might be funny to confuse drivers if somewhere in the middle of the road we do a 10 Months jump.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay bends sharp by the waist in a spontaneous snort of laughter, “That’s malicious jaywalking! I'm kinda into it, but this an actual cry for help, isn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Yes it is, but I also want to <em>jaywalk</em> while walking with Jay-ah hyung for the memes,” with that mischievous glint still very much alive he asks, eyebrows waggling, “Jay hyung will you help me make this dream a meme?”</p><p> </p><p>Shaking his head once again he answers the question with a question of his own, “You like fucking with people a lot, don’t you?” An obvious smile that reaches his eyes as he shakes his head a 'no' that really means 'yes.'</p><p> </p><p>The answer comes mimicking and old man's voice, “Hi, I’m Yang Jungwon. Have we met?" Little boy blue holds out his right hand as if in a handshake, "Of fucking course I do!” he says in his normal tone.</p><p> </p><p>Black mask blonde reciprocates the shake gesture with a fist bump with his left hand, “Ah fuck it. I’ll give you this crime,” he sputters a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“We have to time this right so we don’t die,” the younger boy's eyebrows dance up and down, looking ahead at the traffic intersection they're about to cross.</p><p> </p><p>The older boy feigns a scandalized response. “I would hope that was assumed!”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure about this? This makes us co-conspirators.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like everyday then? Not a problem.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon snorts a chuckle out his nose, “Yeah, I guess so.” He's amused at how easy it is to get Jay to help him make his day better. </p><p> </p><p>Jay appreciates how Jungwon makes him feel light enough to open up honestly, “Wonie, actually… I’m not doing well today either.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, hyung. I saw." the younger boy's thumb moves a bit over the back of Jay's hand. "You don’t look too good." With his eyes focused on the traffic ahead he speaks what he's wanted to say from the start, "I mean, you look <em>really</em> good but your eyes aren’t saying that you feel right. Maybe we’re having a similar kind of day.”</p><p> </p><p>“Same but different, as usual huh?" the older boy's head leans to give Jungwon a soft casual head bump, "We’re kinda hair twins today too." He studies the patch of road ahead, grateful that his forlorn expression was read even if he set out to hide it. "Wonie, I’m also glad we ran into each other and... thank you for the compliment.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just facts. No big.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not our normal look, doing not our normal things, not feeling right. We’re like evil versions of ourselves, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh. Evil versions of us? Like JayWon but villains because poor mental health day, criminal mischief and mask life?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! That's exactly right.” Jay's a little surprised to hear their ship name in casual conversation. He likes it. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon's a little embarrassed he just used their ship name so offhandedly, “I like that.” Too late to regret that now. He figures he may as well add something with that same vibe, “By the way, I meant that emoji.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?”</p><p> </p><p>“I meant it in a you really look nice kinda way.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?”</p><p> </p><p>“This was my reaction to Expensive Jay,” he makes an exaggerated face then realizes, “Oh right! I forgot you can't see my whole face!" he laughs, feeling silly so he just describes that expression, "Big eyes, tiny mouth, blush. Looking sharp with the glasses too. Bling bling. Nice," he ends the thought with an okay hand gesture.</p><p> </p><p>Jay openly laughs. That was cute. “Thanks! That makes me feel good. I worked hard to put this together." he flips a length of scarf around his neck dramatically, "Well... I meant that emoji too. It wasn’t a reaction to me feeling sorry for your bad day.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfff." Jungwon rolls his eyes, "Gee, thanks?”</p><p> </p><p>“You looked really cute. Cute, sleepy boy Jungwonie face made me feel aww,” reflexively his head tilts at the expression 'aww.'</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not a compliment! That’s you everyday." just dongsaeng fact, "Also it’s a cop out because ‘aww’ is not a real word.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but you made me feel ‘aww’ like right here,” Jay puts his hand on his chest while his head tilts again, “just a big, doe eyed ’aww!'" and again, "My heart went ‘Aww Wonie aww,’" it tilts every time he says it. With a sincere nod he adds, "I feel like I'm giving a compliment.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, it isn’t! Think about that. Give me an actual compliment when we get to the other side.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, you got it.”</p><p> </p><p>”Make it a physical compliment,” zero eye contact with this request.</p><p> </p><p>”Oh wow. Okay?!”</p><p> </p><p>”Match my energy, none of that aww crap.” all the eye contact with this request.</p><p> </p><p>”Pffft! I can do that now if you want”</p><p> </p><p>“No! Give me something to look forward to on the other side.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay. You got it”</p><p> </p><p>”And it’s got to be about me Today, specifically. I don’t want to hear something I get everyday.”</p><p> </p><p>”Damn! Okay. I think this is our window."</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah it is. You ready?" Jungwon inhales deep, bouncing on his heels again. In tiny he eeks out, "I’m nervous!"</p><p> </p><p>“Me too." Jay bounces too, he's not too sure about this but he doesn't care. He lifts both their hands with a firm grip. "Keep holding my hand though. Don’t let go.”</p><p> </p><p>“I won’t." the younger boy nods, eyebrows creased with determination, "Now, time to <em>jaywalk </em>with malice. LETCHUGO!”</p><p> </p><p>They charge out into the intersection at said diagonal trajectory, hand in hand when the traffic's light, few vehicles but still a dangerous call. Around the middle of the asphalt they both do a coordinated 10 Months jump, a few cars screech to a halt with a honk but no one gets hurt. They land and laugh as they dash to the other side of the intersection. By the time they hit the sidewalk to the stares of a few onlookers and confused drivers they're breathless with excitement, hands on their knees gasping in laughter. </p><p> </p><p>Recovering from that giggle fit, the older boy tosses his head back and throws an arm over his dongsaeng's shoulders. Dongsaeng reaches up over his hyung's in return and they continue walking to their destination.</p><p> </p><p>As promised, Jay gives his well-thought out compliments, “I think you did a really good job with your hair. You pull it off really well. Very cute fluffy reminds me of sheep like your name. Makes you look a little naughty," however he can't help but point out what bothers him the most about this look, "I really don't like you smell like Sunghoon right now. I don't like that at all," with that out of the way he pulls the trigger on praise he knows will agitate, "You also looked extremely cool doing that flying roundhouse kick. That was the most badass slash terrifying shit I’ve ever seen in real life.”</p><p> </p><p>It takes a beat for all that to sink in with Jungwon, ”I said I wanted an actual compliment. That was a compliment sandwich. That's a fail," of course, he's got to give him some guff for sneaking Sunghoon into this conversation, "Still, thanks. I’m flattered by all of that." He is relieved to have a suspicion he's held onto validated, "I knew that was you. Did you want to talk about it?”</p><p> </p><p>"Nah. Not right now." Jay's not surprised. He saw his eyes in the alley. That kid, Jungwon, had to see his too. "We'll go talk at the hotel. Baby steps, baby!"</p><p> </p><p>"No. Don’t call me that, that’s not what we are." Jungwon has a great poker face but its breaking a bit, trying not to register where they're headed. He keeps talking to ease some of that nervous energy, "That’s a terrible pet name for me. Pick something else!"</p><p> </p><p>Entertained by this break in composure, Jay gives a glib, "You got it, boss!" and a left handed salute.</p><p> </p><p>"What the hell?" Jungwon freezes, shooting an incredulous look, "How did you get that SO right so quickly?" despite the mask, he begins to visibly blush.</p><p> </p><p>Expensive Jay stops in his tracks too, tilts his head to take a pause and figure out what he said to get that reaction. <em>Oh my god, I didn't even mean it that way, but that makes sense! That's adorable!</em> He starts laughing, a breathless open-mouthed laugh. </p><p> </p><p>"Damnit Jay-ah. When you get it right, you get it right." Jungwon's poker face breaks completely and is now openly flustered. For the first time he finds himself for mask life, "Why are you so perfect sometimes?" He resists the urge to cover his face with his hands, painfully reminded that's bad because COVID and its been a while since he's washed his hands.</p><p> </p><p>"No you!" Jay's still chuckling, walking a little quicker flooded with a spontaneous spike of seratonin, body now buzzing with adrenaline and maybe something else.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've always had a bit of a bug about wanting to keep my fics grounded in reality even if things appear to come from left field. (LOL I mean, except for the flow of time) </p><p>Even if it is a little sad that most people can't just walk and talk in public in a city like we used to, I think there's still something funny about this new strain of misunderstandings mask life brings into casual life. Makes me wonder if we'll come out of this time being more expressive people at least for a little bit.</p><p>Like, it must be hella weird for an idol group to debut at around this time. ENHYPEN's never had a real meet and greet, a live concert with a packed audience or exposed jaws in public, not in that trendy "I don't have make-up on yet" sorta way but in the 2020 "omg I need this mask because the world! the world!!!" kinda way. What is that life, even? I hope one day we ENGENE get to squeeze into each other's personal spaces to scream in the general direction of our favorite boys at a live venue. They deserve that. We deserve that.</p><p>I'm also a little with the idea that everyone at the ENHYPEN dorm, like most people who live together or just folks who're around each other a lot, sort of have a similar vocabulary. </p><p>ANYWAY. Hope that was okayyyyyy.<br/>Wash your hands frequently, but don't forget to moisturize.</p><p>p.s. it’s my birfdaaaaaay irl 🔪🎂✨</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Right now, I feel special.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon tests a theory. Jay delivers experiment results.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy 2021 ENGENE yeoreobun!!! 🎉 We are back on the bullshit with this short chapter. I'm glad. No, I'm not going to explain that. I will not make subtext text.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There are so many ways to get what you want in life but at the end of the day there really are only two paths: hard work and money. Some paths are more accessible to certain people, Expensive Park Jongseong knows this. He has access to both and purposely picks the noble route, perseverance through hard work. Today however, he leans into a side of himself he doesn’t particularly like but he does this to save someone special, one young Yang Jungwon from himself.</p><p> </p><p>Also, he’s not eager to break into a condemned high-rise building, trespass onto private property, climb fifteen flights of stairs to help a friend who clearly has issues day drink on dangerous rooftop while severely underaged. Jay’s there for Jungwon, he’ll help him with the crimes he so desires, but there’s a way of doing things that only people like him can get away with.</p><p> </p><p>With money.</p><p> </p><p>This is how Expensive Park Jongseong and young Yang Jungwon find themselves hanging out in a private suite of high-rise luxury hotel. Having gotten away with malicious jaywalking they proceed with their day with the intention of committing yet another crime: underage alcohol possession and consumption.</p><p> </p><p>The time is 11:30 in the morning. Elsewhere in the city Park Sunghoon and Kim Sunoo are opening up sachets of anti-oxidant brightening facial sheet masks preparing for a day of aggressive relaxation (debatable.)  Jungwon and Jay, finally maskless, have just had lunch —curry and a sandwich, respectively— courtesy of room service. They ate out on hardwood floor of the private balcony with glass railing overlooking a breathtaking view of the city.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon stands with his arms outstretched to his sides holding the railing, feeling the soft blow of wind in his hair under the midday sun.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel like I’ve been a huge brat and you’ve spoiled me rotten for no reason,” smiling, he turns from the view to look at the older boy sitting behind him on the floor, finishing up the last bite of his sandwich. “Right now, I feel special.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay looks up from his plate and returns the smile. “Yeah. That little fit you had scared me a bit. I wish we could’ve run into each other earlier,” wiping his mouth with a cloth napkin he pauses, remembering what happened in the alley before they spoke. He wishes he could’ve done this sooner. “I’m glad you feel that because <em>I am</em> spoiling you. Right now this is me spoiling you. You deserve this because you <em>are</em> special.”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy tries to fight a smile, “This is exactly what I wanted,” then he realizes that’s not going to happen so he just turns back to the view, leaning closer to the edge of the railing, “A view from above, this breeze, some sun and time alone with you,” closing his eyes, he feels the heat of the sun on his face and the heat on his cheeks rise, “How did you know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” the older boy begins, stacking plates on a tray, “you kind of described a dangerous and tedious scenario with one striking feature and a specific end goal: heights and chilling.” He gets up and bends to pick up the tray, “If I have the power to get you the same results safely and without the hassle then I think I’ve done good.” Tray in hand, he shrugs a shoulder up, feeling a sense of satisfaction.</p><p> </p><p>“Done <em>well</em>,” he corrects his grammar to tease. “You’ve done well,” he reiterates because he means it, looking back at the older boy having regained composure. “The curry was great too. I was bummed I didn’t get that gourmet curry lunch from the seminar. That was the only part of the schedule I looked forward to,” he leans back on the railing on his elbows with a smirk, “Jay hyung, sometimes I forget that you’re made of money.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good!!” He says this with his eyes huge to make a point, nodding with such enthusiasm that it makes the plates on the tray clatter, “That’s exactly how I want to keep it! I don’t like leaning on Expensive Jongseong too often. That guy’s a prick.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you don’t need that gilded veneer. ENHYPEN’s Park Jay is better. He’s a classy, solid, down-to-earth character, who’s hard working and is cool without trying.” Jungwon gives the compliment with a cheesy grin.</p><p> </p><p>Still with tray Jay tilts his head at an angle and starts rapping a familiar line, “I’m honest, I'm modest, so marvelous, get on this,” the swagger of that delivery mirrors the energy he had on that stage, except blonde and wavy.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” leaning hard into YOLO and the glass railing, Jungwon extends a hand delicately, “Come here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft!” Failing to read that sincerity, Jay shakes his head snickering and changes the subject “Do you actually want to drink or were you just acting up?”</p><p> </p><p>With his tongue in his teeth Jungwon just shakes his head with displeasure and takes his arm back to lean on the railing, “Why not?” He starts a breathy laugh, “We’re here. You’re still inebriated,” he seems amused but disappointed about something Jay doesn’t catch.</p><p> </p><p>“Kind of? I’ve never done that before, I just was in a mood,” Jay still talks with tray arms, he gets so lost in small talk with his dongsaeng that he tends to forget these things sometimes, “I don’t really know why, but I reached for something I’ve heard my dad order before.”</p><p> </p><p>“What was it? Not the croissant. I know what French pastry is.”</p><p> </p><p>“An Irish coffee,” he tilts his head up trying to remember, “coffee, cream and whiskey I think. Oh and a single shaving of dark chocolate, coz that matters I guess,” he rolls his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft! So extra! How boujee and unnecessarily European,” that deserved a suppressed chuckle. “Was it good?” Young Yang asks this with a tilt, his chin resting on a loaded finger gun.</p><p> </p><p>Domestic Jay responds with a, “I like how I make my coffee better,” he crinkles his nose.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” young Yang adjusts the energy of his question adding a raised eyebrow, “but was it <em>GOOD?”</em></p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, kinda?” 18 year old (Earth years) teenager Jay answers honestly adding a small-eyed grin to his crinkled nose, “Could’ve been better, but it did the job.”</p><p> </p><p>“Should I get that?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’d like my coffee better,” dorm mother Jay insists, “Let’s have something else. Was there anything you wanted to try?”</p><p> </p><p>“Eh. I don’t really know,” this recently spoiled dongsaeng is not really in the mood to look at a menu right now. Something about it being a long list of unfamiliar text turns him off to the idea so he pivots, “You wanna go sit on that couch?” He points to a plush white outdoor lounger by the corner of the balcony.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay? Sure,” expensive, doting hyung nods still with tray.</p><p> </p><p>“Then let me sit on you.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay caws a flustered “WHAT?!” Suddenly he remembers he has a tray on his hands because it almost drops.</p><p> </p><p>“Hug me. Hold me close. Gimme a seated human cape hug. Sit on a chair and be my chair while I look at the view and pretend I’m okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay laughs, “Wonie, we might need to have a talk about your phrasing in general because you’re confusing me,” he’s relieved to not have dropped hotel property, “Mixed signals maybe?“</p><p> </p><p>“Nah. I send signals and I wait for you to find out. I know what I’m saying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure about that?”</p><p> </p><p>“You feel it. You just don’t want to hear it that way, so you choose to hear <em>what</em> I say. Trust me. I know things,” Jungwon folds his arms and conducts an experiment, “Case in point: I want you. Now. Also I want my Jay hyung hugs,” with no vocal tells.</p><p> </p><p>Predictably, Jay reacts to the words that stick to him, “Aww Wonie! You’ll get your cuddles in a minute, let me just put these plates away,” he says tilting his head while his aura projects an imaginary apron.</p><p> </p><p>Closing his eyes in resignation, he sums up the result. “Why. Why did I do that. That was an old theory I had. I held the knife and I cut me deep. Really deep,” with an exasperated sigh Jungwon trudges to the couch and drops face-down, longways.</p><p> </p><p>He yells into the cushion, “Come back with my hug ASAP or I’ll kick your ass!” with a finger pointed in Jay’s general direction.</p><p> </p><p>Jay just thinks Wonie’s being silly. “Young man, you are <em>aggressive</em> today!” and moody for some reason he can’t understand but he says this playfully because he knows that threat can happen. He’s seen it.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve had a weird day and my weird thoughts keep stacking,” he warbles, face down on the seat unmoving, then he screams at a higher register these words into the plush, “I NEED A BIG LONG HUG AND I WANT IT THE WAY I LIKE IT!” This is him trying to actively cope with repressed aggression.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay okay,” turning to go through sliding glass doors with their tray, hyung says unaffected “just chill on that sofa, I’ll be right there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung?”</p><p> </p><p>He steps back from the door to listen, “What is it, Wonie?</p><p> </p><p>“Can we order more room service?” Speaking clearly, the younger boy crawls up the the armrest looking calmer.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay? Shoot.”</p><p> </p><p>“I want tall watermelon juice. Like a cold, frozen watermelon juice,” he gives the order with the point of his fingers accentuate the adverbs, “Get yourself a short mango juice too while you’re at it. Don’t fuck it up. I want what I want specifically.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay openly laughs, “Who are you being right now? You’re like half a Sunoo-ya on a bad morning and maknae mode Heeseungie with a concussion!” Wonie is being sassy and silly. That’s funny. </p><p> </p><p>Narrowing his eyes, he throws his face into the plush backrest of the couch to emote, “I am a young male dancer having a tantrum! And a child with a cartoonishly oversized crown down to my neck! And I guess a failure at flirting!?”</p><p> </p><p>"Aren't you supposed to be our level-headed, clear-minded, emotionally-stable leader?"</p><p> </p><p>He tosses his head back to breathe and resume speaking in a normal tone, “Jay hyung, I wish I could be calm, collected Yang-deo all the time. I can take this everyday. I can. I do and I want to but I just need a short break. I'm just a person too and I'm 17 literally only in Korea, which is 16 everywhere else on Earth," he sighs, leaning back on the headboard with his eyes distant to the sky, "and I'm off the clock from my two full time jobs as a student and an idol. I have to take seminars that corporate professionals put together so I can lead my friends, my crazy chaotic friends who I also live with and I—"</p><p> </p><p>"Hey. I was just teasing," Jay sets down the tray on the ground to give his dongsaeng a few pats on the head, "You don't have to justify your freak out. You're okay, Jungwonie. Act up. I got you."</p><p> </p><p>"Hyung..." Jungwon closes his eyes, leaning into the hand stroking his hair, "I just need my hugs and my juice and my Jay. Just pat my head once in a while and tell me everything will be okay so I can go back to having my shit together for work ASAP so I can sing and dance and be normal again. And do well in school. And prepare myself for leader shit,” to no one in particular he says in a whine, “Somebody just take care of me for one day. I’m so tired, emotionally. I want my fucking grandma.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Jungwonie!” This hyung feels so much for him, “This wholesome mental breakdown could’ve taken a very dark turn if we broke into that high-rise, easy.” he shudders imagining a few quick cut scenes with shaky camera footage, “but now I’m here for you! Lemme take care of you, baby boy. I’ll be your grandma today!” Jay's maternal instincts have kicked into high gear.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow! I never want to hear you say anything like that ever EVER again. I’m sorry I lead us down that road... with my words.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay does a sweet old granny voice and hunches, “You just wait here Wonie boy, I’ll go fetch you your juice!” He picks the tray back up from that ground and walks back inside the suite to make another service call.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon mutters to himself with a dead voice, “I can’t laugh at that. Laughter strengthens a memory.” With a sudden change of heart he jumps off the seat to yell through the glass door, “Jay hyung! I changed my mind! Get us bottle of soju too!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay's away from view behind an unseen corner, presumably to grab the room service menu. As usual, in full volume he screams, "OKAY!" he pops his head out, fluffy blonde hair bouncing with the leather folio, "What kind?!"</p><p> </p><p>"Surprise me!" Jungwon’s sincere about this desire.</p><p> </p><p>Scanning the menu Jay asks, “Do you want a fruit flavor?! OR A PLAIN?"</p><p> </p><p>"Make it a PLAIN!” It only makes sense to get plain soju to mix, “WE'RE ALREADY DRINKING FRUIT!"</p><p> </p><p>“Ya!” There’s a lot to choose from, “Did you WANT TO SEE THE MENU?" He’s a little intimidated by the variety and would rather not make this call himself.</p><p> </p><p>"NO!” the shift from spontaneity to planning grates at the younger boy, “Just PICK ONE!" Sincerely, he wishes he didn’t see these patterns so clearly.</p><p> </p><p>"How much alcohol content should we get?” Jay says to himself, adjusting his glasses to read the fine print, “HEY, HOW MUCH ALCOHOL CONTEN—" he's stopped by Jungwon who's made his way back in side the suite, now standing in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“I DONT CARE.” the younger boy with a small scowl says with an all caps calm, but then his eye catches a glimpse of the menu folio in Jay's hand and he leans closer to read, “Wait actually, I think I care. Let me see that,” he takes the menu from Jay, “Huh. These alcohol values really fluctuate, don't they? This could get dicy— dicier if we went in blind. Let’s not be dumb about the dumb thing we’re about to do. We’ll do this right. Gimme a sec... Lemme do a little math, gauge our free time versus our BMIs.”</p><p> </p><p>This gets a spontaneous full-physical laugh from Jay, remembering his own alcohol-related ‘I DON’T CARE’ moment with the Ahjussi from earlier and at the thought that Jungwon in a fit with no fucks to give still remains a genius incapable of not caring.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon too starts laughing, caught up in Jay's infectious joy. He doesn't really have to know what his hyung is laughing at, he just rides that feeling. To him Jay’s just funny that way and that always makes everything okay.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I kinda love my Wonie. No regrets. Tell me what you think? And maybe a few New Year's resolutions because that's topical. </p><p>A longer chapter is coming up in a few hours. Just gotta do a few tweaks, but moving forward we get a lot more conversational than the first few chapters.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Fucking Fabulous vs. Sunghoon’s Shampoo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon has a problem with how Jay smells today. Jay also has a problem with how Jungwon smells today.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Minutes later, the Day Out Duo find themselves back on their hotel balcony with their wholesome beverages. A green glass bottle of not at all wholesome adult juice chills by the nearby side table. Presently it is unopened. Jungwon gets his hug the way he wants it, finally, on the outdoor couch with the added luxury of a large fuzzy throw blanket courtesy of Expensive Jay now without his suit jacket.</p><p> </p><p>The wavy blonde takes a sip of mango and sets his cup on the side table, “You feeling better now?” he asks while readjusting his arms in the hug.</p><p> </p><p>“Mmm,” fluffy young Yang takes a long sip of watermelon through a straw, “I do.” He holds his cup with both sweater paws.</p><p> </p><p>“Good. You looked like you were really struggling just a bit ago and I didn’t like that.” Jay leans his cheek into Jungwon’s hair, “I’m not sure why this works for you but I’m glad it does.”</p><p> </p><p>“Its just you,” the answer comes as he leans further back into distressed silk, “Just a bit of you calms me down. You know sometimes,” he sings a familiar line, “all I wanna do-oo-ooo is kick it with you-oo-ooo oh,” he exhales, slightly embarrassed he just sung Jay Park to Park Jay.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, Wonie!” His head tilts in reflex, moving the younger boy’s head to the same angle in the process, “but I’m just being me!”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s what you do,” he shrugs his shoulders, “Again, I feel special,” he sings those lines so casually that TWICE just completely fits into the moment. This young boy is 100% Lee Heeseung’s spiritual son.</p><p> </p><p>Jay breaks into a laugh, “Oh, if you didn’t have such a nice voice you wouldn’t get away half the silly shit you say.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup.” Jungwon says with a short laugh through his nose, setting his cup down. Leaning further back to the crook of Jay’s neck moves on, “Face aside, you still smell different.” Every conversation he has is a fact-finding mission, “Is it cologne?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah. It’s new.” Jay nods, pleased with this observation. There’s a very short story behind that detail, “Its <em>Tom Ford</em>, called <em>Fucking Fabulous</em>,” he drops the brand and the name because it explains everything. “I saw the name and said: 'That's mine! Add that shit to cart'!” That’s the entire story. Very short.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, that’s brilliant!” Leaning out from his human cape hug Jungwon turns to give an airy open hand slap onto Jay’s chest, impressed by that reasoning, “Did you get it for the memes?”</p><p> </p><p>“You know it!” Jay, still with an arm around the younger shoots a quick finger gun with his right hand to underscore that accurate observation. “Turns out I like it. Makes me feel <em>flawless,</em>” he tugs on his the collar of his turtleneck undershirt, cocking his head with a swagger.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Marvelous!”</em> he exclaims in English, moved by how extra Jay just admitted to being, “You leaned SO hard into fancy today! I’m proud of you,” he can only keep shaking is head, grinning in appreciation, “Points, man. Points!”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks!” Jay accepts the compliment and his left arm goes down from around that shoulder to around Jungwon’s waist, because logistically it makes sense. “So, what’d you think?”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nice,” the younger boy adjusts himself to place his right arm over his hyung’s shoulder. With his left hand he gives a hearty thumbs up, “Visuals get hella points,” he can’t stress enough how into this look he is, however, “The cologne I dig the logic of but I prefer everyday Jay,” he leans his head on the back board of the sofa, “I would’ve liked that today.”</p><p> </p><p>“Guess that makes sense,” slowly he tries to piece together that thought, “we ARE around each other a lot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Everyday Jay smells like <em>my</em> Jay hyung. Fucking Fabulous Expensive Jongseong does smell nice but he’s still not my Everyday Jay.”</p><p> </p><p>“You say that but you sound so disappointed! Damn it!” the blonde throws his head back in self-loathing, “Ugh… I’ll try pawning this off to Sunoo then. He might pull this off better. Probably doesn’t fit my vibe anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I said it smells nice!” Jungwon isn't happy that Jay chose to focus on a negative, “You pull it off well but its a bit much for daily. I can see that working better on special occasions. Or use it more often. Whatever you do just keep it consistent.” he gets a little flustered relaying the full message, “Either way I’ll get used to it and it’ll register as you eventually.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” A touch of worry lifts, “Wait so, it smells okay on me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you not listen? I’m saying that right now you don’t smell like you, the guy I’m used to hanging around me. On me. It’s a little weird to have a smell on my body that I’m not familiar with.”</p><p> </p><p>“I— okay? I think I get it but…” That’s a lie. He doesn’t get it.</p><p> </p><p>“Do I really need to spell this out?” Yang Garden’s eyes narrow, appalled at the density of his hyung, “I mean, I want to smell <em>you</em> when I get a hug and not some stranger named <em>Tom Ford</em> who I don’t know, but that's a personal preference. Objectively the cologne smells good. That clear enough?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” he’s not picking up what’s been put down.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eye twitches at that response. He can't believe he has to explain this a sixth time. “You hug me all the time. It’s great when you smell like <em>Eau du Jay hyung</em> but there’s just a touch of confusion when you walk off and I, Yang Jungwon, am left with a smell on me, my corporeal being, that I don't immediately recognize as you yet.” Patiently he explains, understanding there’s a learning curve he’s got to account for, “So keep using that cologne if you like it so much. Give my brain a minute to learn to associate that scent with you. Or don't! Do you, hyung. I don't care either way.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a lot to process,” not really, “It makes sense,” it does, “your points are valid however,” he’s almost there, “—I need a drink.” but at the border of understanding Jay, like a bird, chickens out and reaches for the bottle of soju.</p><p> </p><p>“Do that.” the younger boy turns to make eye contact with a cloud, “Think on it.” He’s gotta be calm, “Don’t make the subtext text.” but he has to be clear.</p><p> </p><p>“Is it like…” Jay tries again, “a new candle in the house kinda deal?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! My point exactly,” Jungwon is happy with this comparison. He can use that allegory to his advantage, “It’s like Sunoo’s Fresh Baked Bread candle and how that instantly makes sense. Intellectually weird but bread smell belongs at home. Bring back anything else like something that smells like say, Rain’s cologne and I guarantee everyone at the dorm is suddenly going to feel just a little bit on edge. Sensory memories are a beast.”</p><p> </p><p>“That is sound,” the older boy processes this, but takes a tangent to address a troubling detail, “but also, what the fuck is up with that candle? I like it but <em>Fresh Baked Bread??”</em> There have been a few times that candle’s triggered Jay, “Who goes out of their way to buy that? Buy bread. Get to a bakery early and buy it hot or put it in the toaster. Or buy dough and bake? Or make bread from scratch. Make an effort! Someone else needs to learn how to cook at home,” the last two lines are definitely the heart of his issue with the candle. “I get gaslit every time! I'm excited I might have some fresh hot bread waiting in the kitchen for me—but NO! There’s never bread. It's never REAL bread.” he emotes bitterly.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Sunoo can cook and he’s fancy enough to bake bread but he won't go for the real thing.” The younger boy senses deflective measures but plays along, “The candle’s because he <em>wants</em> bread but always insists he's on a diet. Then he goes and inhales five cups of dessert jelly for recreational purposes.” It is important that his hyung understands their housemate’s internal conflict and his motivations however, this dongsaeng does not withhold his judgement. “Pffft. Like dessert is a hobby or competitive sport. Some kids these days...”</p><p> </p><p>“Bread is great, but bread is the white space of baked goods. Be remarkable, don’t settle for ordinary.” Jay’s assumption is ignorant.</p><p> </p><p>It’s ignorant for reasons Jungwon is about to state, “He’s got others. Fun ones. Fancy bakery smell fun ones.” It matters to him that he defends his teammate’s honor as an established fancy lad to another distinguished fancy lad, “Those are nice but then he has weird kitchen staples like honey,” but again he also has his own issues that bother him, “Like why honey? When do you smell honey in bulk and how does that make you feel?”</p><p> </p><p>“A beekeeper who loves his job too much would have that candle.” Jay imagines something light and logical.</p><p> </p><p>“Or a beekeeper who hates his job and doesn’t feel like he deserves happiness would also have that candle,” while Jungwon imagines something dark and <em>real</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Jay empathically laments, “That beekeeper needs a shrink!”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon says grimly, “That beekeeper has to learn to love himself.”</p><p> </p><p>That exchange gives the older boy a little room to reflect, “Wonie. I don’t want to assume anything—”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy interrupts with an honest, “I wish.”</p><p> </p><p>“—but are you saying I smell like home?” He’s on the right track, he’s getting there.</p><p> </p><p>He won’t give just a yes, “We live together and you ARE my human cape 24/7. Your smell is on me more than you think, more than bread ever will.” He wants his hyung to put the pieces together himself. “You’re like a security blanket,” so he keeps giving him pieces, “or home cooking,” so many pieces, “or a boyfriend’s t-shirt you keep around for comfort when they’re away.”</p><p> </p><p>This whole time Jay’s been holding a bottle of soju unopened with his hand on the cap and all he has to do is twist but he doesn’t because his mind’s been everywhere but it. It’s cold outside, still the chilled bottle’s starts to warm in his hand and the condensation forms into a sloppy sweat.</p><p> </p><p>Jay wears a face of a child struggling to do <em>simple</em> math, “The what now?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon is a teacher fighting the urge to backhand the math into a student. This is literally two plus two. So he snaps just a little.</p><p> </p><p>“Are purposely being an idiot?” Yang yells, hands flying up to his hair, “Don’t fuck with me!” <em>The answer is four! </em>“I’m off the clock!” <em>The answer is FOUR! </em>“Don’t make me work too hard to have a conversation!” <em>ITS FUCKING FOUR!!</em></p><p> </p><p>Amused yet again at the sight of a freak out hyung tilts his head, transparently not getting it, “To be fair,” he still hasn’t moved his hands from the bottle, “you are making me work to figure out what you’re really saying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I know,” dongsaeng nods with his eyebrows up, “Do some work.”</p><p> </p><p>Hyung hesitates, “I don’t want to get it wrong.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’d have to <em>try</em> to know if you’re wrong,” dongsaeng still nodding tries to stay smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t make me assume things”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Wow.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s smile breaks and he snaps again, but this time he REALLY snaps. In half and in a ‘Z’ formation. Kneeling on the couch he lunges at Jay —still holding this now warm, wet bottle of unopened alcohol— and he shakes him by the shoulders with fingers digging into distressed silk.</p><p> </p><p>This is a familiar scene. The mango doesn’t fall far from its beautiful tree.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?!” Sweet faced Jungwonie starts screaming into that handsome clueless face, “You’re as BAD as SCHOOL is to me when I’ve got a FULL-TIME JOB that I’m basically <em>MARRIED</em> to! And mind you, I am the YOUNGEST leader of a group of CHAOTIC dudes who are so transparently whipped for each other! That’s herding cats— FERAL cats!! <em>IN HEAT!!” </em>at that statement he bunny hops to straddle a knee and get his face closer to scream. For emphasis and reasons.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes are fully open with a small grin he’s unaware is <em>the</em> key accessory to his face. He looks up at this screaming face only registering a low grade fear and a touch of amusement but he’s attentive and he’s listening. Without looking he puts the glass bottle back down on the side table.</p><p> </p><p>Yang Leader reads that energy and lets down his guard. <em>Jay’s here, its okay. Just let it out. Its okay.</em> With that thought he allows his complex concerns to free-fall out of his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>At a frantic pace his words pile on and his tone goes from incredulity, “Do you know the MENTAL GYMNASTICS I have to go through to JUSTIFY how EVERYONE acts when people <em>ASK??</em> Coz I get asked and I have to do it with a straight face,” to resentment, “They think I’m an obedient child, that I’ll just say the naked truth, BUT I’M NO DUMMY,” to compassion, “That is <em>my family</em> whom I share a career with. They are my LIFE! I love them,” to defensive, “and it is my DUTY to PROTECT them because goddamnit<em>, </em>MY DADS <em>DESERVE</em> TO LIVE.” and it’s altogether overwhelming.</p><p> </p><p>Felling that strain in the younger boy’s voice, Jay lifts his arms pulls him in to his chest. Wonie can scream into his silk shirt if he needs to, he doesn’t mind. That’s why he’s here. He pulls the fuzzy blanket around his dongsaeng’s shoulders and his own chest if only to make him feel safer in their space.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s thoughts linger on a moment where the pressure falls, on a specific event still undiscussed from earlier in the day. He’ll tell Jay-ah later, but for now he needs to let loose the thoughts and feelings it brings. Its a lot but he doesn’t cry, not yet. He knows without this hug he might’ve cried sooner.</p><p> </p><p>With a quiet voice and his fingers balled up into his hyung’s chest he shares this burden. “Heeseungie hyung is <em>made for this life</em> and for him to get set back just because he’s lucky enough to debut with someone he was <em>meant to be with</em> is wrong,” he closes his eyes and frowns bitterly as he shares a thought in fondness, “It’s not his fault he’s as soft he is amazing,” he breathes out a melancholy laugh.</p><p> </p><p>That gets a quiet laugh out of Jay too. With his eyes to the distant sky, he threads his fingers into his dongsaeng’s hair giving reassuring strokes to let him know he’s actively listening.</p><p> </p><p>“Sunghoonie hyung’s not much better though he has a lot more restraint but he can’t help but be this gorgeous bag of stray knives that dad prime’s drawn to.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes a little with another quiet laugh, “… bag of stray knives?” He catches Sunghoon’s influence, his garbage imagination in that metaphor.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s just who they are,” Jungwon nuzzles into the hug in response, finally smiling a little but still contemplative, “I can’t control those moments or keep them apart. I won’t do that and even if I could, it wouldn’t be me to try. I won’t let the wrong people catch them. I won’t let that happen,” the frustration kicks in again, “but oh my god it is SO MUCH WORK. They’re so intense and dumb and it’s stressing me out! I have a spreadsheet of excuses I have to keep updating to keep my story straight.”</p><p> </p><p>The both laugh in the hug at the absurdity of that realness. Elsewhere, Sunoo sneezes with a dormant psychic awareness of how much he knows that life.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re not the only ones,” dongsaeng continues sedately, “but at least Niki’s smart. His actions are consistent and he’s bold enough that no one really questions it and Sunoo’s a classy, brilliant bitch.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay starts laughing again, a little louder than the last time.</p><p> </p><p>“Classy, sassy AND a brilliant bitch. He's awesome! <em>They're</em> awesome! I never have to look out for SunKi because no one will cross them,” he exits the hug and leans back, “I fucking finger heart those two!” He delivers the line with an animated gesture. “Oh and thank god for Shim Jake!” He breathes appreciation with a wry smile, tugging the fuzzy throw around his shoulders and tucking the edges behind Jay’s back. “He normalizes the weird with his inhuman foreign charm and the velvet Australian smooths over everything easy. Even if he misbehaves, no one's gonna kick that puppy. It feels wrong to even <em>think</em> about kicking that puppy!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes his head and absently starts smoothing down the fabric of his dongsaeng’s sweater. He gets that point but is lo key judging Jake. All of Jake. Especially his relationship with Sunghoon.</p><p> </p><p>Reciprocating the action Jungwon also finds himself absently adjusting Jay’s collar, feeling the intentionally frayed edges of silk, “I haven’t even begun to brung up about what I feel and what haunts me in MY dreams,” his expression changes with a knotted brow and a look to nothing in particular somewhere low and to the left. </p><p> </p><p>This gets Jay to change his expression too. Both eyebrows raise and his mouth grows small.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Same, but different?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Flattening down his hyung’s collar with a shake of the head and another deep sigh he lets go of his deepest frustration, “I’ve already got a full plate hyung… and here you are being an entire fucking idiot.”</p><p> </p><p>With a click of his tongue, a bittersweet smirk and his heartbeat racing he tries to express his thoughts in calm. Hands flat on his Jay’s shirt he holds his gaze steady, determined not to lose his cool, “I just want <em>some</em> validation of what I ALREADY KNOW to be FACT,” but then he immediately fails and bottled up emotion rise.</p><p> </p><p>Metaphors take over and soon he’s talking with an intensity right under the line of scolding with a disturbingly flat affect so close to the older boy’s face while his hands shake. “Please. Add things up,” his eyebrows start to shake as they rise, “These things you could solve if you wanted to,” he starts nodding with a shaky smile, “IF you just TRIED,” he says ‘tried’ through gritted teeth, “I am NOT your calculator and to me THIS,” his smile gets a little scary, “THIS is SCHOOLWORK on my DAY OFF,” and now he’s practically at a decibel reading for yelling, “Do the MATH. READ the room. Connect the FUCKING dots and QUIT MAKING ME WANT TO CURSE!” Now he’s crossed the line to yelling and his hands are now balled up on Jay’s chest, “I can’t get used to thinking like that!”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Thinking like what?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Goddamnit, LET ME LIVE!” Unable to restrain himself any further Jungwon spastically jumps out of his seated position and crawls over Jay to pick up his juice, “I don’t want to work so hard right now!” He snatches the bottle of soju on the way back and starts peeling off the protective seal from the cap, “Seriously!? I can't keep waiting for you to move, you coulda opened this damn thing up SO fucking LONG AGO!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay assumes he’s talking about the bottle. He did dilly dally on opening that up.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon rips off the lid of his watermelon juice and with wide eyes delivers a warning, “I can’t deal with this anymore,” he says shaking, pouring a few glugs into his cup, “and this watermelon’s not cutting it for me right now,” with an unstable smile he shrugs and turns the bottle up into his mouth just a little too long for a casual sip.</p><p> </p><p>“YA! Stop!” Jay snatches the bottle from Jungwon suddenly afraid, but in that moment he does seem to connect a few points, “Fine! I will!”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon looks at him bitterly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. A sight Jay’s seen too recently.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll try to come up with my own synopsis,” Jay says worried. He’s worried he’s not catching up quick enough so he starts with something he knows well, “but you also threw out a great many things I’d like to discuss because I know that. That concern for HeeHoon.”</p><p> </p><p>“If you want to just roll off the first subject, go for it.” Jungwon leans back on the couch lazily stirring his watermelon soju concoction. He’s not even mad, his expectations at this point are so low. “Heeseungie hyung and Sunghoonie hyung are a HUGE subject,” he is not surprised at his challenge being brushed off. “We could kill a whole day talking about that,” he’s just glad he’s feeling this surge of poison right now. “I wouldn’t be mad, I’ve got a clown car of things I could get off my chest about that and a related crime story,” he puts the lid back on his cup and swirls it like a wine glass because why not.</p><p> </p><p>“Crime?” Jay shudders, knowing that’s probably real, “Ugh okay, later. Maybe.” He isn’t that big a coward though, he’s trying but with certain matters of the heart he’s a little slow.</p><p> </p><p>He looks Jungwon who’s clearly liking that quick hit of soju, leaning back on his elbow on the other side of the couch. With a huff he turns the bottle up in his mouth too, taking about the same amount he saw his dongsaeng take. He picks up his mango juice and starts to mix about the same amount in the same way. Together they’ve killed three fourths of the short glass bottle.</p><p> </p><p>“Look,” Jay takes his straw and mixes, “Those two idiots aren’t here and I’m talking to YOU. I can talk about them while we're sobering up, but I’m not done talking to you <em>about you</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Young fluffy Yang waves a hand dismissively and gets cozy with his juice cup on his end of the couch, “Eh. Get on it or get off. I don’t care,” he’s trying hard not to but he does care. So much. “I don’t have the time or the fucks to give right now to play stupid. It’s been a shit a day and the afternoon’s barely begun.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s right. The time is 1:00 in the afternoon.</p><p> </p><p>With the lid back on his mango juice Jay picks up the challenge, “Are you disappointed I don’t smell like me right now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Eyyy. You got it,” Jungwon is amused at this pittance of progress, “Gold star.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re disappointed because you wanted <em>me</em> to smell like <em>me</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“You get an A++,” a lazy finger gun shoot out each 'plus.'</p><p> </p><p>This hyung feels a bit more confident he’s going in the right direction, “Does it have anything to do with having a bad day?”</p><p> </p><p>Drunkish dongsaeng starts to sit up liking where this is going, “Someone give this man a trophy!” he says this with his hands to an imaginary audience.</p><p> </p><p>“It makes you feel better to smell Everyday Jay,” he’s getting there.</p><p> </p><p>“and a cookie!” He’s completely upright now and his eyes are that of a child with a big-ass cookie, “The biggest fucking cookie!</p><p> </p><p>“… because Everyday Jay smells like home?” He’s on his way.</p><p> </p><p>“Congratulations on your success.” Sheep Garden smiles wide and begins to give small bows.</p><p> </p><p>“I smell like home.” He’s almost there!</p><p> </p><p>An ecstatic hand is extended, “Let me shake your hand on this momentous occasion!” Dongsaeng wants to shake that hand.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s sure he’s got it, he’s gotten every answer right. He’s about to take that handshake when he says, “Do I smell like your grandma?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon slaps his hand away with full force. <em>GODDAMNIT.</em></p><p> </p><p>“And you just FAILED THE CLASS! You’re going back to PRESCHOOL!!” Screaming internally and externally, Jungwon throws himself back flat on his side of the couch, “JESUS! You’re always <em>SO CLOSE</em> but you’re like ICARUS!! <b><em>DEAD</em></b><em> FROM GRAVITY!!!”</em></p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, I feel the same way…”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” the screaming child sits back up at that glimmer of hope, “Oh, thank god! Finally! Hyung, I know! I fucking know!”</p><p> </p><p>“…because you smell like Sunghoon today and I don’t like that. I really don’t like that. That’s weird. So many shades of weird.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon closes his eyes and reaches deep for serenity. “How do you keep getting so close and end up instantly so far away. It’s like you fold space time.” He almost throws his juice out the balcony but remembers he needs this right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Your hair,” this tone is accusatory, “Did you use his shampoo?”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t have a choice!” this tone is defensive, “It was that or soap!”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, your hair looks good though! Fluffy.”</p><p> </p><p>“I <em>hate</em> fluffy!” he seethes and then immediately changes his mind, “No, scratch that. I don’t mind it. It does look good. Fluffy’s just not me anymore. Not idol me.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s cute!” hyung crawls over to the other side of the couch to ruffle Yang Garden’s hair, “Come here, lemme touch that.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s hard to control!” he starts to squirm away but then realizes, <em>Hold up, I can work with this.</em></p><p> </p><p>“That’s what makes it cute! It’s part of the look,” Fancy Lad Jay begins to school the younger boy on fashion while tossing his hair to add volume, “Stylists go to the fluffy look a lot for refreshing stage themes. Refreshing means youthful, and youth is adorably wild. Fluffy hair plus a touch blush on the cheeks and the nose,” he boops that little sheep nose at the word ‘nose,’ “tie that vibe together. Trust me, it’s a look you’re suited for. I mean look at me, I do fluffy,” he flips his blonde locks with a flair, “It’s not that hard to tame.” This is true and he doesn’t bullshit about fashion or style.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but you’re fancy,” little sheep’s a little flustered, “Fluffy with fancy and cool face send a different vibe,” he lives for toJay’s Fashion mini-TED Talks, “Well, I don’t like that for me all the time, I don’t want to be typecast in that vibe. It's not realistic and its a lot to live up to. People already project so much innocence on me because of this face,” he touches his cheek with a closed palm mimicking a classic Sunoo move.</p><p> </p><p>“I see that.” Jay mirrors that pose with a wholesome smile, “You made an edgy, vaguely sensual harness look cute and wholesome. That was a feat and mildly disturbing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?? You see that?” Surprised, Jungwon takes a sip drinking that detail down, “Here’s some homework: I want you to think about why that disturbs you. Come back to me in a few years when you get it. I’ll wait,” he points with a straw.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s brow furrows, again choosing his focus, “I still don’t like that you smell like Sunghoon-ah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” the depth of detail has always bothered Yangwon, “Aren’t you two best friends?” It makes sense but the intensity of the reaction doesn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Drunkish Jayseong takes a sip and clarifies, “Best <em>ACTUAL</em> friends,” he points back with a straw.</p><p> </p><p>“What does that meeean??” He’s got a few guesses, but they’re vague. They’re in the right direction, but he has no idea how deep the rabbit hole goes.</p><p> </p><p>“It means I’m Sunghoon-ah’s best friend who isn’t attracted to him. Jake’s the <em>best friend</em> AND he’s <em>hard for Hoon-ah</em> while I’m actually just a friend who knows him best.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know that but,” Yangwon’s starting to formulate a cohesive theory, “Sunghoonie hyung’s my second team mate dad. He's like, my <em>visuals dad,”</em> but he still needs more data.</p><p> </p><p>“I know that.” Jayseong actually catches this concern, “I <em>am</em> a fan of the way he looks. In the face and proportionally. I wouldn’t bother polishing his wardrobe if I didn’t think that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then what is your problem with me smelling like my pretty visuals dad that you dress slash IS your best <em>actual</em> friend that you’re not hard for?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have a problem with Hoon-ah. He is pretty and I love that dude! To death! I just…”</p><p> </p><p>“You smell someone you appreciate aesthetically that you deeply love platonically on me.”</p><p> </p><p>“YEAH! Yeah… yeah, that’s it.” The alcohol starts to kick in at this point but he successfully resists the urge to overshare. He almost does though but it’s too early for that.</p><p> </p><p>“This is good data. Let’s explore that angle,” the cup of adulterated watermelon juice gets placed on the ground and Jungwon decides to channel the spirit of Swiss psychologist Carl Jung, folding his hands in front of his mouth and asks, “Park Jongseong, tell me. Why is it a problem that you smell Park Sunghoon on me, Yang Jungwon? Please be specific. Also think about what I am to you. I think we’re getting somewhere here,” he nods behind his hands, optimistic. Hopeful.</p><p> </p><p>“I— huh,” a fraction of a thought comes together in his mind, “I haven’t really thought about that??” and his brain misfires. Again.</p><p> </p><p>“GOD. DAMNIT!” folded hands turn into claws on his own face and buzzed Yangwon grabs a pillow to scream into. Just screams into a pillow, sitting on a sofa in a fetal position screaming internally and externally with a passion, absolutely drained of hope, drowning in frustration at his hyung, his handsome for what today, offensively whipped for him hyung who just DOESN’T GET IT.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>MY GOD! I LIKE YOU!! AND YOU LIKE ME TOO!!! WHY??! ARE!!! YOU! SO DUMB!!!!???? WHAT THE FUCK?!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jay starts laughing again, a bright, innocent laughter. He sets down his juice wondering why he finds this scene so adorable. Maybe one day he’ll sit down and figure out why. He crawls down the plush seats to where his angry little sheep is bleating and throws the fuzzy blanket over both of them, leaning over that tense, curled up boy to give him the biggest warmest hug.</p><p> </p><p>In that warmth young Yang softens, he feels bad that sometimes he wishes this was more and forgets that despite the lack of those words, already he’s loved plenty. He’s loved luxuriously and is constantly surrounded by an embarrassment of affection.</p><p> </p><p>Lifting up from the pillow, drunk on so many endorphins and chemical inebriation, he raises his head, bleary. His eyebrows are in a knot and he could’ve been crying, he doesn’t know. The canned rage was too strong to tell what else came out other than his voice. He looks up at Jay who can only gaze at him with so much affection it hurts. He feels so bad for wanting more sometimes. Just sometimes, like today when his heart really <em>really</em> hurts.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay now, Wonie?”</p><p> </p><p>Beneath a fuzzy blanket on a plush outdoor lounger in a private balcony at a luxury hotel under the midday sun at the start of a Korean winter, young Yang Jungwon learns to appreciate what he has while resolving to keep giving his deep-seated emotions a voice. This is a safe space, here, wherever and whenever everyday Park Jay is with him.</p><p> </p><p>Jay wipes a tear he didn’t realize he cried. Jungwon gives him a bittersweet smile, his bottom lip trembling, eyebrows still furrowed, agitated by the storm beneath his skin. He hangs his head in resignation and hugs his hyung. They fall back into the couch, still coated in fabric fuzzy. Jay wraps his arms around his dongsaeng and lets everything happen because he wants this too. Sometime later he’ll know that to be true and Jungwon will wait. He’ll keep sending signals until then.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>“What is it Wonie?”</p><p> </p><p>“You make me cry sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m sorry. For the the full-body screaming and other things.</p><p> </p><p>“Its okay. I’m here.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Screaming like that is bad for your heart,” the older boy gives a quiet laugh, “I know that life. I scream a lot at home.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you do,” the younger boy laughs too, “Oh. My poor, poor heart.”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll stay here for as long as you need to. Let me take care of you. Just relax, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon closes his eyes, wrestling with the right thing to do and what feels right for him to say. With himself, he makes a compromise.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mmm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Is it okay for me to ask you to hold me like this for a little while and keep your pretty mouth shut while I adjust to Expensive Jay?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay sputters a laugh and then openly laughs, “Yes, boss! You got it boss!”</p><p> </p><p>This response makes Jungwon very happy. “Thanks, man.”</p><p> </p><p>He really likes 'boss.'</p><p> </p><p>Soon he’ll get it right. Jungwon has to wait but that’s okay. He knows when Jay gets it right, he gets it better than right. He’ll make it perfect. Just like right now. This moment, as it is IS perfect.</p><p> </p><p>Completely covered in a fuzzy blanket, they fall into a cozy nap.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fucking Fabulous by Tom Ford is an actual men's cologne. For real, I wish I was made of money so I could buy it for the memes, and I'm a woman. I have no business with men's cologne and I don't even cologne. Fucking Fabulous is so expensive its ridiculous. Its Long Clawson Dairy White Stilton Gold expensive. Of course, this is perfect IMO for Expensive Jay.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I DON’T KNOW.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon and Jay wake up from a drunk nap.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This is a dream, and we know it. It’s a similar scene, a similar theme. It’s the same thing all over again. Same, but different.</p><p> </p><p>           “Hey, I'm back again.”</p><p> </p><p>           “Oh, good. This looks better now.”</p><p> </p><p>           “Why don’t you ever turn around?”</p><p> </p><p>           “I can’t. Still, I feel you behind me.”</p><p> </p><p>           “Have you always known?”</p><p> </p><p>           “No. I feel, but I can only guess.”</p><p> </p><p>           “You’re right, as usual.”</p><p> </p><p>           “Come forward more often?”</p><p> </p><p>           “I would, but I’m terrified.”</p><p> </p><p>           “Maybe that’s why I try to jump.”</p><p> </p><p>           “What do you mean?”</p><p> </p><p>           “This is <em>always</em> dream and I <em>always</em> know<br/>
             it but there’s only so much I can do.<br/>
             I look ahead and I want to jump.”</p><p> </p><p>           “Please, don’t!”</p><p> </p><p>           “Its okay. I’m not afraid.”</p><p> </p><p>           “Wonie! Please!!”</p><p> </p><p>           “Catch up, Jay-ah.”</p><p> </p><p>           “JUNGWON!! DON’T!!!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He wakes up with a jolt, drenched in cold sweat, startled awake by sound of his own scream having violently torn the fuzzy blanket off himself and the younger boy sleeping on his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Hhn?” Jungwon stirs from their nap, “…hyung, what the hell? Oof!” He lifts up with a shiver looking up at the older boy curiously, “It’s cold! Dude! What happened? You’re freezing! And… wet? Oh… Jay hyung, what happened?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh!” Jay sits up abruptly, suddenly aware of his surroundings, jerking the boy on his chest off him.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung!? Holy shit, are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god,” he looks at the younger boy with a shocked state of relief. “Oh thank god!” He rushes to wrap his arms around him in a clinging hug, “Oh my god, Wonie! Oh god, you’re okay!” It’s an anguished hold on his head and his back. “You’re okay… Wonie, you’re here. I’m here! You’re okay,” he rocks back and forth, unaware that he’s planting kisses on the younger boy’s hair, “You’re okay, please please be okay… please just be okay…”</p><p> </p><p>Its Jungwon’s turn to be disturbed at the sight of a breakdown. Jay’s not okay. He’s shaking and rocking and he won’t stop repeating his wish, for himself— Wonie, to be okay.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah, hyung?” He hugs him back with an equal intensity if only to show him that everything is actually alright. He can feel his hyung’s tears come down his own neck and seeping through his sweater, dress shirt and undershirt to his shoulders. Jay is very not okay.</p><p> </p><p>“Ssh… Calm down. I’m here…” Yang in leader mode closes his eyes, leaning his head onto his teammate in need, setting his own issues aside to help. He stokes that fluffy blonde head and reassures him, “That’s right… I’m okay. I’m here… with you. Just breathe. We’ll get through this better than okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Wonie… I’m not okay,” Jay chokes through tears, trembling in the embrace, “I’m not okay at all… I’m terrified… and I don’t know why?” His voice pitches up at that admission. He really needs to find out soon, very soon why. He’s afraid he might break.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve got you, Jay-ah. I’ve got you,” Yang Leader rubs his back in large circles, “Do you trust me?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay sniffs and nods, eager for someone else to be strong. He also needs someone to care for him today. He sinks further into his leader’s broad shoulders and in a small voice says, “Always.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay. Let’s figure out what’s bothering you, together,” he eases back, with an absent gesture offering solace. A light kiss that lands on a specific spot on Jay’s neck. He didn’t mean to aim anywhere, it just happened.</p><p> </p><p>The older boy jerks back with a shudder and the younger boy gets hit with an abrupt wave of déjà vu. They both pull back from the hug a little disoriented, on the same page of not being sure what just happened. That moment fades as soon as it happens, taking a backseat to more present concerns.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, let’s get you inside,” Jungwon stands up, gathering the fuzzy throw from the floor. “You’re going to get a cold if you stay out here in that shirt. You’re soaked in sweat. I saw a set of terrycloth robes in the closet where we hung our coats earlier. Change into that while your shirts dry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, good thinking,” Jay takes off his glasses to wipe a few tears with the cuffs of his sleeves. He takes a minute to readjust himself, “I don’t want to get sick before we debut.”</p><p> </p><p>He slides his legs off the couch to stand when he notices the younger boy with two cups in his left hand, the bottle and the bunched up fuzzy throw on the crook of one arm extending his free hand. A gesture to help his hyung back up.</p><p> </p><p>“Jungwonie,” he takes this offer without hesitation, “thank you.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, I’m sorry been off today.” Jungwon says pulling out two loaded hangers from the coat rack, “I know that if I had been on my game, drunkish or nah I would’ve set us a fifteen minute timer to keep our nap from going into REM.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?! You’re kidding, right?” Jay pops his head out of the bathroom to shoot a quick eyebrow raise, unbuttoning his shirt to change. “Wonie, don’t you think that’s a little much? First off all, it unrealistic to be so on-point about all these little details in life. Second, you’ll stress yourself out if you keep holding yourself to such high standards in your free time. Plus why would you bother timing a nap on your day off?”</p><p> </p><p>“Life needs structure.” Jungwon says matter-of-fact with terrycloth robes in his arms, “ALL of life needs a structure, on or off the clock,” he hands a few hangers over to Jay in the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>Disapproving, Jay shakes his head. “Says the boy who’s been screaming for a hug all day,” he takes the hangers and closes the bathroom door.</p><p> </p><p>“That is fair criticism,” Jungwon sighs, leaning back on the closed door, “Obviously we all need breaks… but even breaks have to be structured. Things fall into chaos without framework and as chaotic as the last few hours have been there ARE built-in limits to what we can do in this setting with in the time remaining.”</p><p> </p><p>The bathroom door opens and Jungwon almost falls in but he catches himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus Christ.” Jay’s hand comes out of the door with his shirts hung in aforementioned hangers, “That is painful.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon takes the hangers from his disembodied hand, noticing to see a shirtless Jay reflected in the mirror through the crack with a sad look in his eyes. He hands him a robe and walks off to hang those damp shirts.</p><p> </p><p>“Seeing life that way sounds so painful,” the older boy emerges from the bathroom in a robe, still looking expensive. The fine twinkle of a chain on his clavicle, his earrings and that hair keep that vibe going. “I don’t know how you do it. Maybe you need to stop doing that so often.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have a choice, that’s just how I’ve always seen things,” the younger boy raises his shoulders in a shrug, robe and extra hangers in hand, “Then again that’s probably why you guys chose me to be the leader,” he shuts the bathroom door behind him.</p><p> </p><p>“A fifteen minute nap though?” Jay stands by the doorway in anticipation of Jungwon’s hanger hand-off, “What a random number! In your free time too? That’s barely worth taking a nap for… In my humble opinion.”</p><p> </p><p>The door to the bathroom opens again, this time a sweater, a dress shirt and an undershirt in hangers come through courtesy of the younger’s disembodied hand.</p><p> </p><p>“A fifteen to twenty minute nap boosts performance. Keeps you alert. Any more and you risk diving into deeper stages of sleep. Deep sleep equals dreams.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay takes the hangers and catches a glimpse of Jungwon’s face, lost in internal conflict. For a slice of time that seems to last longer than it should he gets lost in that present shirtlessness. He blinks certain thoughts away.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, I could’ve kept you from dreaming.” Jungwon closes the door, “If I had my act together, I could have saved you from crying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, no. Don’t do that. Don’t say that.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon opens the door to exit the bathroom and walks right into Jay’s open arms. He didn’t see that coming.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s nothing you can do about my dreams. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard you say, and you’ve said a LOT of stupid shit today.”</p><p> </p><p>“I appreciate the thought hyung but factu—“</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve said so many really confusing things. You’ve talked crimes. You’ve freaked out. You’ve sung Jay Park <em>and</em> TWICE within minutes of each other. Saying you can save me from a reoccurring dream is the dumbest thing out of ALL the dumb things I’ve heard you say.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon smirks a laugh, pulling back from that terrycloth hug. “You wanna talk about it? Your dream?”</p><p> </p><p>Sighing, Jay says, “In a minute. I just…” he stands back and does a clear once-over of Jungwon. The intensity of his eyes make the younger boy’s heart race just a beat. He grabs him by the arm and takes his shoulders to face a full-length mirror between the closet and the bathroom door, “Wonie… look at us.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh? Okay?” The heat starts to rise again on his cheeks, following instruction and staring at their reflection. Young Yangwon nervously makes eye contact through the mirror with Jayseong, keenly aware that despite taking a nap they are both definitely still very buzzed.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t get over how stupid we look right now.” Jay says flatly.</p><p> </p><p>“What!?” Jungwon bleats.</p><p> </p><p>“These luxe robes and our pants aren’t working for us.” Jay continues, studying their reflection with visible disgust, “You especially look weird with jeans underneath,” he points to the reflection’s pants, “My dress pants and this chain make me look ridiculous and sleazy.” He shakes his head, so offended by their visuals he sneers, “This is NOT a good look. The fabric weights clash and so do the colors.”</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously Jay hyung?!” Jungwon can’t believe the tangent they’re on.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I’m fucking serious. This throws off this whole mood! How are you not seeing this?” He points with an accusatory open hand at the source of his ire —their reflection— with a sweeping motion, “We went from fancy and cute to janky and broke in <em>zero seconds</em> flat!” with a grimace his body does a seizured cringe, tearing his eyes away from the mirror, “Ugh, I can’t keep looking at us, we are DISGUSTING! I could throw up,” he fake gags as he walks away into the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” Jungwon trails behind with his steps dragging, “Hyung, your priorities are SO out of whack.”</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse YOU, I’ve got my priorities on lock! My fancy lad vibe just careened into <em>trashy chad!</em> I feel like I just committed a VIOLENT act of self-harm!! This is not the same vibe of we had just a minute ago, two attractive idols having luxurious day off at a hotel, now we look like we’re about to shoot porn at garbage MOTEL!”</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly at a complete loss of words Jungwon’s mouth flies open. He bends at the waist and starts laughing, falling to the bed to continue laughing straight into a pillow.</p><p> </p><p>“No! This isn’t funny!” Jay plops down on the bed with his head in his hands, “Sunoo would back hand the blonde out of me if he knew this happened!”</p><p> </p><p>“Aaah! Oh my god,” tearing his face from the pillow he asks, still laughing, “Why… Why do you have to tell Sunoo anything?”</p><p> </p><p>“I keep my word! We have a code! A fancy lad code of honor!” Jay’s an honest guy and he did set out to have a day to rival fancy dongsaeng’s as promised.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon jumps out of bed, “Oh my god, fine!” he throws his giggle pillow aside, “Should I take off my pants then? Is that what this is? Another game of gay chicken?” He hastily reaches for his belt buckle, so ready to fuck with Jay once again.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, what?” The older boy’s eyes threaten to pop out of his skull.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t like the visuals of our outside pants with this hotel robe.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” His hands come up to his face, pulling the skin of his cheeks down, “The way we look makes me feel DISGUSTING.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus Christ, this is bizarre,” the younger boy’s head tilts down, unsettled by that terrible face he made, “I feel like you’d do this at home though? You do topknot not fancy you at home, and I’ve seen you in a garbage coordinate. So what is the issue here?”</p><p> </p><p>“That is HOME!” Jay screams and points out to the balcony like that’s the general direction of the dorm, “This is an experience I have PAID for!” He points at the floor to indicate the present moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Our fruit juices aren't fancy.”</p><p> </p><p>“The DISRESPECT.” Jay scoffs in offense. “Like I give a shit about food?!” He jumps off his seat on the bed and takes Jungwon by the collar of his robe, insulted at the comparison, “This is fashion, BOY!!”</p><p> </p><p>“Well,” he nods, now more than ever to have fun at his hyung’s expense, “I guess we’re taking off our pants then.” He goes back to trying to undo his belt buckle, “Deep down, this is what you want anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“NO!” Jay’s hands scramble to yank his dongsaeng’s hands away from that action.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want us back in wet shirts then??” Jungwon shakes his hand back from that grip to slide off part of his robe to unnecessarily illustrate a point, “I literally have a <em>cold shoulde</em>r from YOUR tears!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay pulls his robe back up to decency, losing a war against physical fluster, “I am going place a call to the concierge and order us some pajama bottoms— some FANCY pajama bottoms.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why not just get us whole pajamas while you burn money at the altar of this non-problem?”</p><p> </p><p>“What is the point of these robes if I do that?” Jay talks like his points make sense. To him it does.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we not wear shirts underneath the robes— Wait. I forgetting how I think these concerns are stupid.” Jungwon holds his hands up in surrender, “This is ridiculous. Save your money. I’m taking off my pants,” like the little shit stirrer he is, he goes back to trying to undo his belt buckle.</p><p> </p><p>“No!” Jay grabs Jungwon by the wrists again, scared out of his mind but curiously unaware of the smile on his own face, “NO WONIE NO!”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s the big deal?” Jungwon delivers his words like a dare, but with a giant grin, “I have fucking underwear on?! And we’re boys! This is fine! Same parts.” He ends his thought with a waggle of both eyebrows. He could break into laughter at any minute.</p><p> </p><p>Jay screams, “Those facts are IRRELEVANT to this conversation,” he’s starting to grow conscious of his own smile, still holding the younger boy’s wrists up.</p><p> </p><p>“Take off your pants and we can get this over with.” Jungwon issues the dare, his lip curling up to bare his fangs, delivering a well-practiced fatal sneer.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes widen even further and a blush clearly creeps over his face, “This is already CONCEPTUALLY WEIRD!” He releases those wrists like two scalding, fresh boiled cobs of corn, “And you KEEP SAYING THINGS WEIRD!” His hands go over his face and he falls on his knees, burying his face into the bed.</p><p> </p><p>With his arms folded over his chest, Jungwon just stands and admires his handiwork, “Yeah, NO SHIT,” shaking his head with a self-satisfied smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“Just PLEASE let me call for pajamas, PLEASE.” Jay with his hands still on his own face pleads into the mattress with a weak scream.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you! Although, now that you’ve mentioned it I kind of understand your point. Heavy pants with this luxury terrycloth does feel off. The longer I stay in this get-up the more I notice the uneven way the material hangs on my body.”</p><p> </p><p>Relieved that his points have been validated, Jay resumes his regular tone, “Yeah, see? There’s a method to my madness. I’m not just extra for no reason,” he picks his face up from off the mattress and gets back on his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“No, you’re still extra for no reason,” the younger boy’s arms are still folded and still wears that look of smug amusement. He walks over to Jay and looks him up and down, nods and turns to saunter away, “And now I’m gonna fuck with you because you’re making too big a deal about me taking off my pants.”</p><p> </p><p>“WHAT THE FUCK?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Taking off my pants!” Jungwon yells from the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>Jay freaks out, eyes darting around the room frantic, “Where is my phone?! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY PHONE?!!” He remembers where he left it after calling room service the first time, by the dresser in the hallway. He bolts over and trips on the fuzzy throw, disoriented at how it got there in the first place. He scrambles to his knees and crawls to reach his device, “I need to make this call NOW—“</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly pants come flying onto his face. He is frozen in fear. “Oh. My god.” He is thankful to be blinded by pants but also terrified at whose pants these belong to.</p><p> </p><p>Pants are yanked from Jay’s face. Jungwon stands in front of him. Nothing indecent, I mean, the robe is closed and the robe is cartoonishly large, it comes down to his shins. It is just the implication and the fathomless depths of Jay’s repression that makes this situation so terrifying for the older boy.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon has to fight his urge to laugh. He is SO committed to this bit, and he’ll see this weird comedy routine through with a straight face.</p><p> </p><p>“My threats are never empty,” the younger boy says mischievously waving his own pants in his hands. “Never forget that.” With that he does a long jump onto the California king sized bed and because physics and airtime, his robe flies up for just a millisecond. This playful gesture is enough to change the way Jay sees this whole situation.</p><p> </p><p>With this abrupt shift of energy Jay asks with a touch of suspicion, “I… Did you plan this?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay picks himself up from the ground once again, with his phone gripped in one hand and the fuzzy throw in the other. “You’re smart enough to set me up like this.” His head tilts at an unnatural angle, eyes twitching with an unreadable but disturbed look, “Yang Jungwon, was this whole day an elaborate RUSE??”</p><p> </p><p>This shift catches the younger boy off guard and a look of <em>actual</em> innocence washes over his face, “I wish I knew what specifically you’re freaking out about, but no.” Jungwon lays on the bed sideways with his cheek on his fist, looking technically decent if you take away this teasing implication, “Today, things happened to me and my issues boiled over into a long-form tantrum that you happened to be there for,” he answers truthfully and without malice.</p><p> </p><p>Doubtful, Jay continues to pry, “Did you set this whole day up just for this moment?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” He rolls over to his stomach, laying on the bed crossways with his fists to his cheeks like a school kid at a wholesome slumber party, “Ooh! Eyy… You like what you see?”</p><p> </p><p>“I DON’T KNOW. I’M CONFUSED.” Jay has covered his whole face in the fuzzy throw.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey. Come here.” He motions with his finger miming seduction, “Tell me.” He pats a portion of mattress in from of him, “Specifically why.”</p><p> </p><p>Actually, this looks a lot cuter than it reads. Jungwon does just look like he’s wearing an enormous cozy Snuggie, laying on his stomach. It is 100% visually wholesome, with the obvious exception of the teasing intention behind this scenario. Also Jay doesn’t see any of this because he refuses to look up from the fuzzy throw. It just sounds weird, exactly how Jungwon wants it to come across.</p><p> </p><p>“You smell like Sunghoon-ah—“ Jay warbles weakly into fuzzy.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon rolls up on the bed to sit with a knee to his chest and a knee down, arms resting on both knees, still completely decent because of how large this robe is.</p><p> </p><p>“We covered this already, this is not new,” he’s not sure where this is going. He might’ve made a mistake teasing Jay so much this time.</p><p> </p><p>“AND!!!!” Jay’s face emerges from the throw, completely red. He jumps on the bed and tackles Jungwon back, straddles his knees and rips the young boy’s robe open, rendering him indecent. “YOU ARE WEARING MY UNDERWEAR!!!!” Jay points right at said underwear, shaking, “WHY do you have on my Mac Weldons?!” He screams, unable to take his eyes off his underwear on another human being.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh… PFFFFFT!!!” this was a detail he had completely forgotten about, his frustration from earlier in the day, unable to find his own drawer of drawers, “OH MY GOD! AHAHAH AHAHAHHAHA!” Giving no explanation he descends into a dizzy, breathy laugh and he hides his face behind his hands now completely embarrassed as well.</p><p> </p><p>“You are SO RUDE!” Jay jumps off him and throws the fuzzy throw over ALL of Jungwon “I’m calling for those pajamas. You are NOT allowed out of that blanket until PANTS— THE RIGHT PANTS come knocking on that door. FUCK IT, I’m going outside to the balcony to place this call! STAY IN HERE AND DO NOT FOLLOW ME.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh my god… this day! I was wrong! This day might be the best day ever!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The glass door slides out with an audible force and Jay yells again, “DO NOT FUCKING FOLLOW ME!” The glass door slams shut. “YAAAAA!”</p><p> </p><p>Elsewhere in the hotel, several guests remark on having heard a feint yet distinct sound of an eagle’s caw.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It is so important for me to take tangents that feel essential to my perception of certain character's priorities.</p><p>Also... I've randomly started calling drunkish Jungwon and Jay Yangwon and Jayseong. 🤷</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. —with a knife!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon tells Jay why he beat up a man in the streets.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m starting to feel bad for the rest of the guests at this hotel. There needs to be a support group for them and the ENHYPEN dorm neighbors. I imagine them holding each other and crying en masse.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Now calmer, feeling lighter in a change of matching clothing (brushed cotton, silk blend pajama set under a luxe terrycloth robe) both boys find themselves back on the outdoor couch now with a fuzzy throw each and giant down feather pillows —every single one from the bed, all the throw pillows from inside seating and a few more called up from room service. They sit surrounded by giant puffs of plush on a white couch. From a distance they look like little marzipan figures holding tiny yellow and red gumdropson a pile of fluffy marshmallows. It’s a sweet sight but the vibes are on the sour side.</p><p> </p><p>They still have their cups of unfinished fruit and something other juices, although mostly unfrozen it still tastes good and does the job.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Jay hyung?” Jungwon starts sipping on his watermelon juice, “This is essentially a pillow fort, isn’t it? Like, a pillow fort but couch”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. That’s what this is. Like the Iron Throne but pillow for two. Pretty sweet, right?” Jay says proudly, sipping on his mango juice. “I feel like a king. Like a soft, plush king.”</p><p> </p><p>“I get that. Why out here though? There’s a couch inside.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay clicks his tongue, unnerved that his reasoning doesn’t seem to click with Jungwon’s, “Isn’t it obvious? This setting feels opulent. Private balcony couch pillow throne overlooking the city while we sit in robes and high thread-count pajamas while sipping on juice makes sense to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, the sun’s set a bit now. Kinda looks like clouds might be coming in,” the younger boy takes another sip of juice. “and you look a little cold.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s what the fuzzy blankets are for and all these extra pillows. Insulation.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that what you want me to think about this stack of pillows between us? This pillow wall?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Insulation.” Jay takes a long sip of juice. “We’re… I’m staying out here for a little while. I kind of need this cold— chill vibe for a bit. Maybe an hour.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon breathes an airy open mouth laugh and makes eye contact with a cloud who knows what’s up.</p><p> </p><p>He climbs over the stack of pillows and says to Jay’s face, “I’m not mad but you can be that way if you want. Stay mad. This is funny to me.” he scrunches his nose, placing two fingers to his eye and climbs back down to his side of the couch, plush wall bouncing back in shape. “You’ve got some DEEP issues, hyung!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Oh?” Jay’s mouth hangs open at that absolutely incredulous. “Oh, the audacity! Boy, you’ve got some nerve calling me out on my issues.” He scoffs, “I saw you beat up a dude in an alley! You wanna talk about that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? You wanna start with that?” Jungwon wears a similar look appalled by this energy, “I can talk about that if you’re too COWARD to talk about how you woke up from a dead sleep calling out my name!”</p><p> </p><p>“OH! OH??? OKAY? I… did that? Oh no.” Jay does a few hard blinks trying to process that thought and bails half-way to deflect, “Well! I mean…. I didn’t want to bring it up, but I brought you into a hotel with blood on your shoes!? Explain that!”</p><p> </p><p>“How about you explain how you brought ME to a hotel??” the younger boy can’t help but smile and keep shaking his head at that factual truth, “How <em>are </em>you going to spin that wholesome line to Sunoo when you gossip about this completely NORMAL course of action you took?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Wow. I’m, I… I’ll tell him the truth! That’ll set me free! That… you were sad? And… I wanted to hug you?” a few synapses misfire in the older boy’s mind as he hears the words coming out of his own mouth, “… in a hotel?”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you serious? Oh my god… I can hear you balk hearing yourself talk.” Jungwon wishes he wasn’t perceptive enough to pick that up in his voice, “How are you made of the finest boyfriend material AND NOT KNOW IT? Augh! Such a high thread count too… Wow.”</p><p> </p><p>A few minutes of silence pass. Unknown to each other, hidden from view behind a Great Wall of floof they take a sips of juice at the exact same times.</p><p> </p><p>“… Wonie?” Jay’s arm goes over the pillow wall, depressing a section to reveal part of his face, “Are we fighting?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes grow small at the look on Jay’s face. It’s a frustrating mix of confused innocence and he can’t decide to slap the blonde off of or assault physically in an interesting way.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah dude, we’re good,” Jungwon reaches up to give Jay a sympathetic pat on the blonde, “I have no idea what you took away from the last few minutes with your selective hearing but no, we are not fighting. We’re just… being regular JayWon.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay relaxes into a sigh resting his head on top the stack of pillows, “Good, that’s what I thought.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon releases a heavy sigh, resting his head on the pillow wall too, “Hyung, I’m guessing you’re not ready to talk about your dream yet, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“No,” the older boy gives his admission in a hushed tone, closing his eyes, “not yet. I need a little time. That okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” The young boy looks up to that face stacked above pillows. “That’s just you everyday,” with a smile he gives him a finger heart.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft. Yeah, just Everyday Jay I guess. Sorry, Jungwonie.” Jay folds his arms under his chin and leans with a sad smile, “Do you want a back rub? I’m pretty good.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Oh… kay? Sure?” Jungwon asks puzzled. He wants to ask why, but he won’t. It’s enough to know he wants to be touched and he doesn’t think it’ll do any good to tease Jay further. Clearly, he already feels bad about what is a story for another time. “Why the fuck not. Neck and shoulders? Maybe upper back?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I can do that easy,” the older boy smiles wide, “You seem pent up and stressed. I’ll tear down this wall and get you tender.” Jay tosses a few pillows onto the hardwood in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon starts to laugh, he’s not clear if he’s being teased but he feels a little teased. That’s a good thing. At least Jay’s smiling again. He’ll let his id take a back seat for now, ease up on the dunking, lean into the drunking and be a bro about this.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I’m not sure what your deal is. Whatever it is I guess, take your time figuring out what you want to say,” he throws a hearty back pat on the older boy’s robe, “I just want you to know it goes both ways however you take that to mean and I… appreciate you. You help me out a lot, especially with leadershit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks. That means a lot to me,” he pulls the younger boy in for a quick hug, “I mean, you’re always so strong for us and I don’t want you think that you have to do this alone. I’m here for you, man.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon sighs heavy.</p><p> </p><p>“Aaah, <em>man.</em>” He hugs a pillow and sits in front of Jay to get his back rub, “I know, <em>bro</em>. That’s the way it’s always been between us. You’re always there for me. Just being able to tell you I count on you lifts a burden on me. We don’t need anything further than this. I like this. You don’t have to do anything other than be my everyday, Jay-ah.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay takes a fuzzy throw and wraps it around Jungwon’s shoulders like a barber’s shawl, “No hyung?” He says as he slips the robe off the younger boy’s shoulders under the throw.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes are wide with cognitive dissonance. He wonders if he’s being fucked with on purpose but then he remembers who he’s talking to and far more questions seem to pop up in his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, I should scream in your ear sometime,” he says calmly, almost tossing his pillow off the balcony, but instead resorts to squeezing it like a neck. Like someone’s neck then instantly feels bad. “Ugh… sorry, I’m dealing with my own shit too. We can talk about that if you want. I don’t know if that’ll get you to open up, but if it does I can try. Or not. Maybe I just want to talk to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’d be nice.” Jay cracks his fingers, warming up for the massage, “I like hearing you talk.” He gets started with his fingers on the base of Jungwon’s neck, “Tell me, what’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy exhales deep, “I had a weird dream this morning and it set me off on the wrong foot,” already this feels nice. “Its been downhill since and I’ve been popping off more then I should,” he closes his eyes, beginning to feel calmer, “Like, I’ve been yelling at you a lot today, and I finger heart you to death,” he finds himself thinking that this feels too good and that Jay is the best not boyfriend ever.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, thank you!” Of course, Jay tilts his head at the ‘aww’, “Same,” he says about the finger heart comment, “Also same with dream,” he says this with a darkness.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon thinks, this is probably the best time to bring this up. While he’s vulnerable and relaxed with Jay’s hands soothing him, “…and I guess you saw me beat up a dude?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah!” This is the best time to bring this up, “That was cool… looked cool,” a little bit more honesty comes with this shift of power, “but also that was assault and battery.” Jay nods his head to facts.</p><p> </p><p>It is assault and battery. Facts.</p><p> </p><p>“No regrets,” Yang-deo says serenely. “He deserved it.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay-ah’s eyebrows raise, “Did that make you feel better?” but he has a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Not gonna lie, I liked it.” this boy’s smile speaks to that satisfaction.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought so,” monsieur masseur Park nods,<b> “</b>Did you really have to spit on him after you beat the shit out of him?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon giggles, “That was a gift for myself,” proud of that detail.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn! You’re bad.” Jay’s a little hot for this detail.</p><p> </p><p>This bad boy fights a little smile, “You know it,” he feels that change of pressure.</p><p> </p><p>Jay admits, “I like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know that.” Jungwon does.</p><p> </p><p>“That flying kick was epic,” this masseur feels privileged to have seen that in action.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh dude you should see what I can do. I can take a group down easy.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure.” Jay imagines a scene littered with film grain and a cartoonish amount of blood.</p><p> </p><p>“It feels good to fight again after a while,” this kid with the pretty eyes sighs, “I kinda needed that stress relief after this morning.” Its such a wholesome sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“But here you are, with so much stress left.” M. Park feels that tension in this boy’s muscles. Boy, they’re tight. and… they’re <em>tight.</em></p><p> </p><p>“That’s what makes me feel so disappointed with myself right now. After all that aggression out I need a little more stress relief than I thought,” the younger opens his eyes in reflection, he focuses on a few little rainclouds in the distance, “I’ve been taking it out on you and… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t aware that I’ve been acting <em>extra</em> predatory today.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah!” The older boy’s eyes go wide, “Yeah,” then they soften, “Yeaaaah,” and he sighs, “I appreciate it though,” this is definitely the right time for this particular brand of honesty, “But yeah. I can’t talk about that yet, but I am flattered,” he knows enough to admit he feels this way, “Really flattered.” With a slight smile, he sighs through his nose.</p><p> </p><p>The young boy feels that sigh tickle his neck, “Its good to know you have <em>some</em> measure of self awareness,” he’s not ticklish but he bites his lip to mute a sad smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I have issues but… it is cute.” le monsieur masseur’s thumbs apply pressure to the base of his neck, “You <em>are</em> cute,” he won’t hide the affection in those words. “Anyway,” he keeps it short and moves on, “Back to you, what did he do? I just saw some cute kid with pretty eyes wailing on a homeless guy.” Ah but he can’t stop thinking about those eyes if he tried.</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft. You with the cute.” The boy leans back on that pressure, “Well,” and moves on as well, “he tried to rob me with a knife.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s just self defense.” This much of the story he sussed as fact.</p><p> </p><p>Then the story’s tone goes cold, “… and then he called me pretty.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay gasps, “DUDE!” his fingers stop at that detail.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes open again, “and then he said some shit that I... I mean, Christ,” relaying the rest of his story in deadpanned disgust. “Do you have to be so rude while you’re trying to rob me? The shit he said, fucking hell.” He’s appalled just recalling it, “I know I’m pretty but can you not describe what you want to do to me?” you can hear the grimace in his voice, “Why does that keep happening to me?“ He asks this question to those distant rainclouds.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god! Please don’t expound!” Jay is revolted to hear this, “I get the spit sneer part now,” his hands go over those shoulders in a protective grip, “I just was curious because that was an effort to bother taking off a mask for.” He just wanted to know what would make his dongsaeng willingly break pandemic health and safety measures.</p><p> </p><p>“Right?” Jungwon turns around in his seat to share a look of bewildered disgust, “You get it now, right?” He holds his hyung’s hand over his shoulder to say, ‘yeah dude, I lived that,’ “I already have issues about that… in general,” he grimaces for a second looking like he needed another hug and then his eyes narrow, “That’s how I ended up so pissed off and taking a risk to beat up a degenerate at close range in the middle of COVID.” He goes back to looking off into those rainclouds to dowse the fire in his gaze.</p><p> </p><p>Jay understands now, “I get it,” he also has to stress his priorities, “but we can’t forget that we have to do something about those shoes before you get home.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eye twitches, “My shoes probably have COVID germs!”</p><p> </p><p>“I meant the blood.” Jay also starts staring into those rainclouds with a deadness.</p><p> </p><p>“The disrespect!” he hugs his pillow angrily, “It was worth it. Don’t fuck with me or underestimate me just coz I’m cute,” he seethes with so much anger, “and don’t fucking touch me.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s hands freeze, respecting the order.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon balls up his fists into his oversized robe and twists back to look up at his hyung, “Don’t touch Heeseung’s son!” Then he laughs. Silly.</p><p> </p><p>This gets Jay to laugh too, “You lean into that meme so hard!” He eases back up and shifts dongsaeng’s torso to work on his shoulders, “I think it’s funny.”</p><p> </p><p>He feels a little lighter now, he needed to make that joke for himself, “Actually, that’s how it began. Did you know about that?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Hyung Jay does not know this story.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, of course! That was Heeseungie hyung’s and my secret,” dongsaeng Yang offers to share this token of trust, “It can be our secret too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, spicy.” Jay is intrigued. “Share.”</p><p> </p><p>He expects a fairy tale. He’ll get something akin to pulp fiction.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon starts recalling this event fondly, “A few years ago around when I first met Heeseungie hyung we walk to the station together to commute after training.” This is a secret he’s always wanted to share, “Then some garbage person tries to rob us.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay requests clarification, “Like a trash man?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, a trash man.” Jungwon says what he means.</p><p> </p><p>Jay asks for extra clarification, “Like a government employee sanitation worker?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, like human garbage.” Jungwon says what he means.</p><p> </p><p>“Ohh,” good thing Jay kept asking.</p><p> </p><p>Young Yang remembers he still has a little juice, he leans off for a minute to grab his cup and sip. Monsieur Masseur Park also remembers his juice and he mirrors the same actions from a different elevation. At this point, they both make an unspoken vow to be completely present for this tale with Jungwon as storyteller, with his chin leaning over his arms crossed atop his charmed audience’s knee. Jay reacts to every line with full intensity. They both hold their almost empty cups of juice, sipping occasionally.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon continues his tale, “So, Heeseungie hyung steps in tries to get the guy to back off, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow! Hyung! So brave,” Jay puts his hand to his chest, admiring this chivalry trying to imagine this scene.</p><p> </p><p>A look of revulsion washes over the boy’s face, “Then tells hyung he’s pretty.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow!” The blonde recoils in shock and confusion, “Not wrong, but what?!”</p><p> </p><p>“—with a knife!” he lifts his mostly empty cup of watermelon juice up to Jay’s face, simulating the distance of said knife.</p><p> </p><p>The blonde’s eyes go wide staring at the straw almost caressing his cheek, “GOOD GOD.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rob us if you’re gonna rob us,” Jungwon shakes his head, retracting his cup for a sip, “don’t bother with the visual commentary. That’s insult to injury. That shit triggers me every time! Also robbery?! Thats not fun crimes,” he ends that sentiment puffing up his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s a sucker for those cheeks, “Your feelings are valid.” he uses this moment as an excuse to lightly touch it, “So valid,” maybe he lingers but this is a moment the younger boy fails to appreciate as he’s lost in a triggering memory.</p><p> </p><p>“I had a split second to react,” Yang’s fist and cup fist come up to his chest acting out a stance to fight, “I could tell hyung froze,” he makes eye contact to stress the intensity of that moment.</p><p> </p><p>Park’s mouth flies open with a proud grin, “Jung FUCKING Won! Bold!” He nods, impressed by the balls on this boy.</p><p> </p><p>“So I tell the dude to back off or else,” he waves his cup threateningly.</p><p> </p><p>This hyung is living for this story, “My god! You’re a bad ass!”</p><p> </p><p>Then the ire returns to the young boy’s face, “Then he calls ME pretty,” lower lip going slack with loathing.</p><p> </p><p>“NO.” Jay hyung emotes in full caps.</p><p> </p><p>“and I see the word coming out of his mouth,” the loathing grows larger and his eyes grow smaller, “and I’m like ‘Oh HELL no don’t you dare call me cute’—“ he shakes his cup with a quick tremble, a visual tool to show the rage vibrating within him at that time.</p><p> </p><p>“THAT FOOL!” Jay’s mouth stays completely open.</p><p> </p><p>“—then he tries to touch me??” Jungwon’s free hand smacks into his own chest at the ‘me,’ “in the face!” he touches his face, eyes growing wider, “with his knife??” and he uses his cup again to illustrate how close the knife was to himself.</p><p> </p><p>“OH NO!” Jay’s free hand and cup hand go up to his face, “WOAH NOO!” he is <em>Edvard Munch’s Scream</em> but with a cup.</p><p> </p><p>“So I said to myself ‘fuck it,” Jungwon’s hand goes up into his hair and breaks eye contact, acting out himself lost in thought, “this hyung might not ever see me the same way again but fuck it,’” then he looks straight at Jay and his eyes grow determined in anger. He says this in a monotone and his expression changes, “then I beat the shit out of that dude,” an eyebrow raises and his mouth curls into a smirk. Then he takes the last sip of juice.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s head tilts, “Did he live?” he asks, concerned for the robber.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck if I care!” With a huge grin, Jungwon’s hands fly up like the IDK emoji and the empty cup comes flying out of his hands, “That peasant could bleed in the streets and nothing of value would’ve been lost,” he closes his eyes at the end with a smile, as if recalling a good deed.</p><p> </p><p>“WOW!” Jay covers his mouth and starts an airy laugh into his palm, “That is GRIM.” He’s not sure why he thinks that was funny, but it probably has everything to do with Jungwon’s wholesome delivery.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” The young boy nods, with his eyes large and focused on nothing in particular on the floor. “It looked grim,” Why is he smiling?</p><p> </p><p>“I meant your words!?” Jay’s eyes grow even larger, and so does his smile for some reason then his face falls into something darker once his vivid imagination kicks in, “…but now I’m visualizing this scene and it’s horrific.”</p><p> </p><p>Still staring at a spot on the floor dongsaeng says, “It was.” He smiles sweetly and his tone grows innocent and soft with <em>actual innocence</em>, “Then after it was over, I grabbed Heeseungie hyung by the arm to make a run for it but before we leave he yells to the body,” and he mimes with a point to the spot in the ground from earlier, “‘DON’T TOUCH MY SON!’”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon looks up at Jay with both hands to his chest with the sweetest smile, head tilted at a soft angle, genuinely touched by the recollection of that moment. He sighs in fondness.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s free hand is glued to his mouth and he breathes through his mouth as he says, “Wow.” He threads his cup straw through his fingers and drains the remaining liquid. It was about a fourth of the way full, so this is a pretty sizable last sip. “The origin story of this meme is SO much darker than I thought,” he says this still with his hand in his mouth. Some of his hand might be inside his mouth, who knows. He just drops his cup. It bounces off a pillow and ends up on the floor. Both his hands go to his own chest, mimicking Jungwon, but for different reasons. “I thought that was just you two being wholesome. Also, I can’t gloss over the fact you said ‘body’ like he could be dead.” He hasn’t blinked since saying the word ‘horrific.’</p><p> </p><p>Still looking absolutely cherubic, Jungwon folds both his arms over Jay’s knees and leans his head down over them, “Then hyung took me over to his home and introduced me to his family. They invited me to have dinner with them and have a sleep over.” For him this is a precious, pivotal memory in his life.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww,” Jay tilts his head. “that <em>is</em> SO wholesome.” He ruffles Jungwon’s hair in his lap completely endeared by the scene though his fingers might’ve felt a little numb. From fear.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon sighs and nuzzles further into his hyung’s lap still with his eyes closed, “I called my grandma and told her not to wait up. Then we spent the whole evening talking about that,” his smile grows wide, happy thoughts fill his mind. “It was the first time I fought outside of sparring.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. Wonie, what a story.” Jay is SO whipped for this kid. His fingers are cold to the root of his knuckles but he can’t feel it over the warmth in his heart. His face is rested on his hand with his elbow on an arm rest as he continues to idly pet his sweet little dongsaeng’s fluffy head of hair in his lap, “Action <em>and</em> friendship!”</p><p> </p><p>“We had to burn my shoes in a garbage drum but it’s cool. They were old shoes.” Jungwon’s eyes open before the next line and tone changes to expressionless in both voice and eyes, “It was their time.”</p><p> </p><p>“That bad huh?” Jay’s not reacting like a normal person anymore. He just acts like Jungwon said he has too many crayons and that’s a problem.</p><p> </p><p>Still dead in the voice, with open eyes and zero physical tells with his head down on his hyung’s lap he continues to talk, “There was so much blood. That’s why I said yes to the sleepover even if I didn’t know Heeseungie hyung well yet. I don’t need my grandma to worry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus.” Suddenly Jay remembers his blood ran cold about five minutes ago.</p><p> </p><p>“Like so much more blood than my shoes right now. I went ham —“</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god,” he might be afraid to stop stroking Jungwon’s hair at this point.</p><p> </p><p>“—on his face and it got on my socks,”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a wow,” Jay blinks too many times, he feels his hands go numb.</p><p> </p><p>“—like inside my socks on my toes.” Jungwon’s tone’s completely flatlined.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie,” Jay eeks out a few words in a whisper, “I don’t think he lived.”</p><p> </p><p>That brings the life back into Yang Garden’s voice, his head pops up from Jay’s lap and he sticks his tongue out just barely with a smile, “Like I care!?” He sounds like a normal boy again, “I’d do it again to protect my hyung.” Oh, there’s so much affection in that voice, its a sing-song sort of melody now and his hand go over his heart again with the feeling of so many warm memories, “We got really close after that. It means the world to me that he accepted me and took me in as his son after that.”</p><p> </p><p>This brings Jay back to life too! Now he’s back to being a proud hyung, “Well of course! You saved his life,” with an appreciative smile his curiously cold hand pinches his cute dongsaeng’s cheek.</p><p> </p><p>“Heeseungie hyung swore to never tell anyone about it” Jungwon says matter-of-fact, wondering a little bit how Jay’s hand got so cold.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” Jay says grimly, his fingers shift position to cup that face lovingly, “He was an accessory to a crime. Possibly murder.” This is the point that he decides to be that ride-or-die not boyfriend at all and be there to help cover up whatever wholesome shenanigans his sweet little angel faced boy gets into, “Self-defense yes, but the brutality of the incident disqualifies its eligibility for accidental manslaughter charge.” In his mind he’s crafted part of a legal defense.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not entirely clear what happens between the two of these boys, but something changes and it happens in the blink of an eye. A connection’s strengthened, a bond’s re-soldered and perhaps a few graceful routines of rhythmic mental gymnastics, but an understanding falls between them— a wordless contract. Maybe us in the peasant class might call this implicit trust, but it’s so much more. It’s akin to an agreement between an adorable junior Bond Villian and his generous and loving benefactor slash legal council slash right hand man slash not boyfriend. Maybe it’s a male kpop idol thing. Yeah, I guess that’s what this is?</p><p> </p><p>Although honestly, if one of them just said it was love, we’d totally get it. That’s relatable. People are dumb and weird and maybe kind of evil in love but this is allegedly not what this is. What even is this?</p><p> </p><p>Jay leads Jungwon back to the couch and the boy just does it because this fancy hyung knows how it’s not that hard to tame fluffy. It just takes the right touch. Absolutely no questions are asked when the younger boy finds himself sitting on the older boy’s lap and he sinks between his legs into luxurious human cape hug. This hug is supremely comfortable, it’s a heavy mantle of the lightest suede and smoothest velvet manifested into a hug fit for a king.</p><p> </p><p>Of course because this happens in the Pause Mode universe this action takes no time at all and Jungwon just continues his story summating why this slice of his life means so much to him.</p><p> </p><p>“We were bonded after that. Since then, I’ve loved that dude like a work dad. To be a friend that he admires is a lot to me and that <em>‘Don’t touch my son’</em> part is precious.” Jungwon chuckles softly, leaning into Jay, “That person likes me for who I am and wants to protect me even if he doesn’t have to and isn’t strong enough to but still, I want to be like him. I just like the kind of person he is, like there should be more of him in the world.” His hands touch the arms around him and he says something that his mind sounds like a sweet sentiment, “I would kill a small island nation to protect that guy, my dad hyung, my friend.”</p><p> </p><p>This throws Jay off a bit. Not a lot, just a little bit but he’s decided he’ll help the younger boy polish up in the public relations department. “Wonie. That is very sweet, and I get why you’re whipped for Heeseungie but easy with the killing analogies.” He’ll help him that way because that’s his strong suit, “Ease up on that because I know you could do that no problem,” polishing up someone’s else’s image. “Hits a little too close to home.”</p><p> </p><p>“Noted.” Jungwon listens to this valuable advice. He appreciates that insight. “So yeah, long story short: of fucking course I lean in to that meme,” he smiles and stretches his arms out in the hug, “It works in other ways too, but I am proud to be claimed as the son of someone whom I admire so much.”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy shifts his arms to wrap around his torso, resting his chin on the crook of the young boy’s neck. He’s determined to take his new role seriously.</p><p> </p><p>Starting now, “You got anymore crimes stories you’re holding out on?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm? You mean, from today?” Jungwon asks innocuously.</p><p> </p><p>“What?!” Jay’s new at his job, give him time, “Oh I mean, of course you have others but but let’s just keep it to today.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon purses his lips, looks up and to the left to think, “Well, I stole from a staff member at work,” he says that quick.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay?” Jay’s blinks a few times, that’s not that bad.</p><p> </p><p>“You know that noona I side-eye?” Jungwon expounds, unprompted.</p><p> </p><p>“Her? She’s not bad, she’s nice and she works hard.” Jay genuinely thinks this lady’s alright.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” His tone goes flat, “She’s also dangerous,” he means this, “to us specifically.” He knows things.</p><p> </p><p>“What? What did she do to you?” newly self-appointed PR director Park has to know these things.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy huffs, annoyed. “She made me wait two hours alone in a waiting room with her bag.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s not what he was asking but okay, he gets that. “I meant to get your side-eye, but I can see that being an entire story.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh,” Yang-deo remembers one more thing, “and mail theft that I intend to escalate to mail fraud.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s head tilts. “Wonie that’s a lot,” but he can work with that. He summarizes what he’s heard of so far in the day. “So you’ve got simple theft, mail theft, conspiracy to commit mail fraud, assault and battery, conspiracy to break and enter, conspiracy to trespass, malicious jaywalking, coercion of a minor, underaged possession and consumption of alcohol and I think you just admitted to committing murder. Is that all for today?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon nods, “Yeah, so far. I’m on a spreeee!” He says that in tiny like the expression ‘wheee.’</p><p> </p><p>“Yes you are,” Jay’s just glad he knows. “Cute.” He almost thinks about maybe kissing him on the cheek because that was just cute enough to maybe eek out of the repression, but repression always wins.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I’ll tell you more about them later,” Jungwon politely offers.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, as an accessory to these these crimes I need to be in on the details. We gotta keep our story straight.”</p><p> </p><p>“You?” Seems like Jungwon’s finally caught on to the change of attitude in his voluntary subordinate, “An accessory to MY crimes?” He twists around to look at his hyung in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>“A complicit accessory.” Jay nods, unfaltering in that commitment.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes soften, he’s not really sure what changed. He knows something did, but with the way things have gone today who can blame him for being surprised at this turn of events.</p><p> </p><p>He’ll test out this theory and see what happens.</p><p> </p><p>His lip curls in a smirk, “Jay hyung, you ARE my favorite accessory.” Let’s see what happens.</p><p> </p><p>Jay sits back and his head lists. He puts his hand to his own heart and with a curious grin says, “Wow. I fucking love that.” He looks right at Jungwon like he’s just been given the highest of praise. “My god. That was <em>White Stilton Gold</em>.” Jay whispers a brand name in English like sacred word.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s not sure what he heard, “What’s that?” he’s also not entirely sure he knows what expression Jay’s wearing.</p><p> </p><p>“A cheese,” Jay says with a big smile, a light blush growing on his face, “The <em>fanciest</em> cheese,” he must like this cheese a lot then because his smile’s starting to get goofy, “I have some at home! We should have some later.” Jay is semi-hard cheesing. Fancy cheesing.</p><p> </p><p>The young boy thinks he gets it, but this logic only makes sense exclusively in Jay’s mind, “Is… is this because I compared you to something VAGUELY related to fashion?” He holds back a laugh, this observation must not be tainted by a foreign reaction.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s hand goes delicately over his mouth and he swallows. Then he clears his throat and he obviously blushes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Holy shit. OH MY GOD. What? Oh boy, Jay-ah! I gotcha now, bitch!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jay licks his lips, bites his lips and fights a smile and immediately fails and starts nodding. He’s so fucking happy and it only makes sense in a world <em>Made by Jay</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon is living for this moment and dying because of how hard he’s trying to keep himself from bursting in malevolent laughter.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie! How about we go do a little drunk shoe shopping after this?” Jay leans over to make the most eye contact with Jungwon he’s ever had. His eyes twinkle like a kid on Christmas morning. “Lets get you some new shoes! Knock that out before we forget so we can burn your crime shoes.” his shoulders go up and his nose crinkles in a smile, “Then let go shopping. You can help me pick out for a souvenir for Sunoo-ya!” His tone is so animated, it sounds like a bride planning a dream wedding on an unlimited budget, “Oh! That means I probably have to get something for Niki too! Shit, but then again Sunghoon-ah’s home, oh, but that’s okay! I love that dude.” Both his hands come up to his face, like he’s imagining something limitless and fantastical, “Oh, and sweet sweet Heeseungie hyung needs a present too because of course we have to! We love that man.” His head tilts like he just said ‘aww,’ “I love that man,” his head tilts again like he just said ‘aww,’ “Oh boy!” my god Jay just said oh boy like Mickey Mouse. In English, “I guess that’s that’s everyone then, huh? I guess we’re shopping for gifts for everyone!” He sighs, just a wholesome ahhh of a sigh, “and Jake.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s mouth is so small right now and he’s having trouble controlling his breathing. His lip is trembling and his nose is twitching.He is dying. Suffocating under the weight of so much repressed laughter. </p><p> </p><p>“Sounds… good… hyung.” He says in short bursts of tiny, unable to let out his full voice.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING?!!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, Wonie.” Jay continues to have his hand on his heart, just the most wholesome hand on his wholesome heart, “We are going to have so much fun! I’ll show you a fancy time. I can’t wait to have you try this cheese at home, its just—“ and he does a chef’s kiss complete with hand gesture.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes fly open and his mouth grows tinier. He does the only thing he can do to save himself and this experiment. He rushes in with the shortest tackle of a hug and throws his arms around Jay’s neck, leaning his head so far into the plush of the baseboard. He is shaking with so much laughter, silently, violently into the soft fabric. He holds onto Jay with so much force because oh my god this energy has to go some where because this— whatever this is— is the funniest thing to Jungwon right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww,” Jay tilts his head into Jungwon, “No, Wonie!” he has completely misunderstood the emotion pouring out into the seat cushion from Jungwon’s silent screaming laughter. “Baby, don’t cry”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>WHAT THE FUCK??? BABY?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>That word gets Jungwon to jump out of his skin, out of the hug, out of the seat and almost into the glass railing. Jungwon is a cat suddenly spooked. Lucky for his cover, he’s actually been crying… laughing crying and his face is red. “Um…hyung? I—“ he starts hyperventilating a little bit, “I gotta go… inside?” He’s gotta let this out or he’s gonna blow the fuck up, “Alone?” His head starts to tilt and he’s still shaking. “Give me five. Stay out here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure? Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“ I just…” oh he can’t take this anymore. Jungwon bolts, reflexively singing a familiar line, <em>“Woa-ooa-oah But I gotta go!”</em></p><p> </p><p>The sliding glass door slams open and it slams shut instantly.</p><p> </p><p>From inside he screeches “DON’T FUCKING FOLLOW ME!!!” and he runs straight into the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>Elsewhere in the hotel, several guests remark on having heard a distinct but feint cartoon witch’s cackle ring through the halls from the 15th floor.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><b>CHAPTER TMI:</b>Nobody's asked, but IDK I feel like sharing this detail about this series. I'm a sucker for structural title themes. Whether or not it works, its a framework I enjoyed playing with. Spa Day was always ___&amp;___. 0204's theme is two punctuation marks. Any punctuation marks, coz in a weird way, that's how I see the components of my mothership JayWon. </p><p> </p><p>Ah I have a ghost of a Hamilton reference here that I genuinely love and would like to point out to everyone who missed this. It’s a thing from “Take A Break” the usage of a comma in the middle of a phrase that changes the meaning. It’s sort of inspired the title theme to lean into punctuation but mainly in this chapter he says “be my everyday, Jay-ah” vs. what he’s said before “be my Everyday Jay” — these differences mean something to me, even when characters say “Jay ah” vs. “Jay-ah” says something to me. I don’t really want to explain that in detail, but I mean this group we stan has a concept built around the meaning of a hyphen. As a typographer I’m just oof! Chef’s kiss! No words just wow. So good IMO.</p><p>____________________</p><p> </p><p>P.S. I'd like to solicit an opinion. </p><p>I kind of have a oneshot burning a hole in my blouse that's basically... oh hey, lets HeeHoon just make out. Just that. Its the five to eight minutes after Brush Your Teeth before the Spa Day epilogue where I just said to myself, so... what happens after Jungwon says not so loud and closes the bathroom door on his parent hyungs and all I could think of was immediate assault and loud bang. The idea ate ate me... and one day while I was waiting for water to boil (literally) I just said fuck it. Let's just let's. Free form, no caps, get rid of this poison but... idk I've never put out anything that was basically I mean its not smut but it made me feel like Jakethy would've had a seizure and I live. Is that something you guys would read? I'll put it up if there's a demand, but if not it stays in my notes app with my grocery lists.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Alright, boss.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jay fixes Jungwon’s collar. Jungwon fixes Jay’s collar.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I think I have a thing for writing about knit fabric. Just a little personal insight.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pretty blue knit fabric, fuzzy and plush. This is the moment Jungwon chooses to be in. As much as he can, he choses to stay in the now—every nanosecond of now. This state of mind is a luxury. Inebriation, fluster, raw frustration, open rage, unfiltered honesty, thoughts that choose to linger and this time spent with just Expensive Jay.</p><p> </p><p>Like their shirts have dried, like time passes, he is aware that every moment however hard it hits, however soft the feeling, it fades. It goes away.</p><p> </p><p>No part of happens in his everyday, he won’t let himself be this way. This isn’t the person he’s presented himself to be, but this is himself in the present. This Jungwon exists, though always behind a cage of his making. This Jungwon as he is right now—this vibrant personified id—he has always <em>been</em>. Neglected in the shadows, in the periphery, sat in a corner under the watchful eye of the disciplined, responsible, affable, well-adjusted boy literally named Sheep Garden. Sometimes the id comes out to play with little pranks and harmless teases. Then sometimes he runs away and takes the rest of himself hostage with a knife strapped in for the ride.</p><p> </p><p>It is especially difficult for Jungwon to reconcile that despite his given name, his title, his profession, his reputation, his desire to excel and his innocent face—all things that make up who he is—that this id exists with such a bold presence. The id wants. The id wants to be a kid and that kid wants to be loved. He is and he knows it but the id with the pretty eyes won’t stop wanting more. The gap between who Sheep Garden is and his id—the kid—is enormous, like the height of a the cliff to a teal sea level.</p><p> </p><p>Who can blame this boy for giving into his <em>will to be?</em> He exists. Of course, he wants to BE.</p><p> </p><p>He loses himself in these thoughts, in the gratitude of his id being seen and wrestling with the overbearing weight of his superego. Without a doubt his ego is content with the camaraderie he feels with this someone who sees him as special and thinks his eyes are pretty. If only he could see through those eyes what he sees himself to really be. But this is enough, just this ability to be in this slice of time. With Jay’s permission, he gets to be and now he just is.</p><p> </p><p>However he can’t get used to this luxury. He can’t afford to get used to this luxury. This is a dream and he knows it, but it’s real and it’s happening. Still, he is sad that despite this truth, these last few hours are as fleeting and as consequential as a dream. These are the thoughts he’s lost in.</p><p>
  
</p><p>In this nanosecond when he sees nothing more than his favorite color, surrounded by soft woven threads, he tries to make it last by being present. Self-discipline to instill contentment. He tries so hard, as with everything. He tries so hard to relax. It’s so much effort and he’s literally just putting on a sweater.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s reverie is interrupted when his sweater is pulled down over his head by two hands that aren’t his. Of course, those hands belong to Jay.</p><p> </p><p>“Our clothes dried nicely. Good plan, changing out of these into robes for a little while,” Jay helps him get dressed for no reason other than that it’s just something he wants to do.</p><p> </p><p>“I can do this myself, you know.” Jungwon points out for no reason other than wanting to, “I’m a big boy.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay rolls his eyes, “Just give me this, alright? You know this is fun for me. You’re like a doll, but a boy and yeah, I’m that weirdo who gets off on styling people. I’ll own that hobby proudly.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! I’m not gonna fight that,” he’s not mad he just got called a doll. “Wave that flag high, Jay hyung. Just don’t go calling me that in public.” The younger boy watches their figures reflected back on the full-length mirror. He wonders if this is also how he dresses Sunghoon.</p><p> </p><p>The older boy smirks, his hands adjusting his dongsaeng’s collar over knit, “That’s Heeseungie hyung’s thing. I’m not going to steal that line from him,” he keeps his eyes on collar, “I’ve got my own vocabulary, thank you very much.” He looks up and makes eye contact, with a quick pat over sweater sleeves. “Alright, boss. You’re set!”</p><p> </p><p>Immediately that gets the corners Jungwon’s mouth to curl up in a grin. He takes that word at face value, nothing more. “So I guess we’re going shopping now?” he takes a minute to look himself over in the mirror and starts combing his bangs back in place, “Where are we off to for that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Damnit, I was gonna do that once we got our coats back on,” Jay opens the closet door to retrieve their coats from the rack, “You robbed me of a good thing! How dare you.” He says that playfully, but in sincerity.</p><p> </p><p>“What? My hair?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I meant your eyebrows—Of fucking course I meant your hair! Have you not heard me tell you how into the fluffy look I am today?” Jay shakes his head in feigned disapproval, “Stop stealing these moments from me! Got it?”</p><p> </p><p>The back of Jungwon’s hand comes up to his own face and starts laughing through his nose, “Okay, okay! I had no idea that meant that much to you,” he shakes his head, entertained by his hyung’s specific quirks, “Here, I’ll shake it back out—” he wobbles his entire body side to side like a metronome, just being silly.</p><p> </p><p>“No! Stop! That’s worse! At least let me add volume?! Leave something for me to do, Christ!” Pretending to panic, he grabs Jungwon by the shoulders, “Let me have a few of these simple little pleasures.”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy blinks a few times, resisting the urge to look down and to the left and instead lands his gaze slightly to the right. This is wholesome. That had to be wholesome.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s silly, but okay,” he scrunches his nose up, and nods at Jay smiling. This time is almost over, he’ll dial it down and behave. Time to put the (k)id away. “Oh! Hyung, your collar’s a bit lop-sided. Lemme.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, thanks,” Jay sets his arms down and tilts his neck up while Jungwon fixes his collar, “I can’t really see too well in these glasses today. I haven’t used them out, but I’m pretty sure this is an older prescription. I can see distance okay, but it gets a little tricky at midrange.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah. Makes sense why you didn’t catch this in the mirror then.” Jungwon continues to work on the exposed threads with his fingers and it takes a little while so he makes conversation he knows is right up Jay's alley. “This shirt’s pretty cool, I know its effort to maintain. Distressed edges get a bit tricky when they get damp and dry up. I’ve got one kinda like this in white that I’ve got to iron every time it comes out of the wash.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m glad you get that life,” Jay very much appreciates this conversation, “you just don’t get it until you’ve owned a shirt like this”</p><p> </p><p>“Clean pieces with a few frayed accents are great. Love the look and lo key, the hassle of it is what turns me on to that style,” the younger boy starts to smile, also enjoying this leg of conversation, “See, frayed fabric’s supposed to look unseemly and spontaneous but nah it’s not. Its oxymoronic," he waggles his eyebrows, "Only with the heat of an iron can you pull that off. Forced structure, feigned chaos—that duality kills! It doesn’t look right when a few curled fibers mix in a line of straight thread but its cool if you tease the edges a bit. I'm into the vibe of implied freedom, but it’s the effort I respect,” he ends with a closed mouth smile that brings out his dimples.</p><p> </p><p>“That is… <em>so</em> you,” overflowing with admiration, Jay sighs, completely smitten. “Yang Jungwon, you just described you in couture. I loved that.” he whispers so much affection in those last three words.</p><p> </p><p>It takes a few beats for that to sink in with Jungwon. He thinks about what he just said off-hand, literally just making relatable small talk then he thinks about who he’s been speaking with, about Jay and how this lines up with what he values. A slow smile grows on his face and his lips start to tremble. He gets it. He understands what Jay tries to say even if the words <em>don’t</em> come out of his mouth. The way those eyes see him… that’s him. A special piece, clean with strategically distressed edges. Controlled chaos and effort to maintain. Jay actually sees Jungwon—id, ego and superego.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy’s hand comes back up to his mouth, his lips press on his own knuckles to hide that growing smile. He’s shy for some reason and he knows he’s blushing. He knows himself well enough to know what this looks like to Jay and that he can’t—won’t hide it because<em> this guy</em> gets him.</p><p> </p><p>This makes him feel flustered in a way he hasn’t expected. Knowing this affection, Jay’s affection for him is <em>SO</em> pure.</p><p> </p><p>He looks up at Jay who looks on with those same kind eyes just like everyday, but there’s something else. A closed mouth grin with a bit of his lower lip tucked in, a very slight detail that might mean a massive something. Something soft that’s always been there but it comes across in a different way. Just the <em>same</em> Jay <em>but different</em>.</p><p> </p><p>For some reason, Jungwon can’t stop this timid smiling and its not laughter he’s got his hand over his mouth for. There’s nothing silly about this feeling, there’s no humor to hide behind, no teasing. Just this. Whatever this is.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s hand goes up to his own mouth, mirroring the gesture. He feels it too. He is clearly blushing too. He’s not mimicking the younger boy, not that he ever has. In fact every moment that they happen to act the exact same way at almost the same time has been brought by coinciding triggers of serendipitous emotion.</p><p> </p><p>They’re not talking. They’re just looking at each other. They’re not holding in a laugh, waiting for one of them to break face. They just look with their lips pressed on the back of their own knuckles admiring the congruity of affection in their space. They don’t know what this is or what it looks like outside of themselves, but it feels right.</p><p> </p><p>As the more emotional of the duo, Jay predictably yet jarringly is the first one to break. He sighs into his knuckles, a deep emotion pouring out of his chest. You can see it in the dip of shirt fabric and how a part of him melts into the sharp lines of his tailored suit. His heart beats clear in his ears, it dangles the charm of that single earring, he feels it in his chest, every single beat. He takes his hand from his mouth and he takes the younger boy by his wrist. He needs that space clear.</p><p> </p><p>In the hallway, by a full length mirror, by the closet, by the bathroom in front of the door out of this expensive hotel room on their way outside, Park Jongseong finally gives in and literally takes Yang Jungwon’s breath away. He smooths down his frayed edges with the heat of a blistering kiss. A long, luxurious kiss.</p><p> </p><p>The poor kid never saw this coming. He was about to sigh, huge. He doesn’t know how long he held his breath before that. Breathing just kinda said ‘fuck it, I’m going on break,’ clocked out and left the building, but he takes this. He receives this gift, this kiss, with his lips. With his free hand slipped beneath that suit jacket, over silk, he feels the sentiment in the pounding of Jay's heart. He’s been waiting for this and he’s been so close to giving up. Before he knew it he was hurting for this. This is why he had his dream, why he was so angry at everything, asking himself why he couldn’t bring himself to do this in a dream with no consequences, where he always knows he’s dreaming and <em>still</em> doesn’t let himself completely be.</p><p> </p><p>He needed permission. Now here it is, personally delivered with a slip of a tongue by Expensive Jay.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon could melt, but he doesn’t and he won’t but he wants to. There’s side of him he needs to let loose and now more than ever is the most appropriate time to. However, he’ll allow Jay to take his time because when he finally gets it, he nails it and he gets it more than right. He gets it fucking perfect.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s lips on him are soft and heavy—by no stretch of the imagination is this platonic. His this kiss is bold, italic and strikes through. He gives Jungwon just enough time to breathe with a quick ‘ah.’ That sigh finally comes out and he breathes, dazed. The cognitive dissonance of the last few hours make this moment feel like a one person flash mob. He definitely isn’t sure what’s happening or what to believe. So Jay makes it clear, letting go of his wrist to touch that face, feeling fluffy, black hair with his entire hand. He takes that 'ah' and he drinks it in, this breath, this expression of relief. His arm goes round that waist, clinging to plush blue knit and the skin underneath. He goes for it and lets go of himself. Greedy, expensive, expansive. A kiss and then another kiss then another. He uses all of himself, maximizing his potential. He licks those lips, he feels with his arms, his fingertips and with his whole body shoves the boy up against the wall—sweet revenge, for all the teasing and games and the veiled humor. For all those times when he could’ve but didn’t because he didn’t know how to do this right.</p><p> </p><p>After all, this is Jay’s first kiss. You can’t blame the guy for being nervous and in his head about that sort of thing. Its an overachiever thing.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, since this happens in this world on this day and because Jungwon is who he is, this moment is interrupted by a loud, sharp <em>DING.</em></p><p> </p><p>His body moves reflexively. The sound triggers him like a sleeper agent. That innate sense of responsibility kicks in, this side of him he’s trained and normally so proud of. At this moment, he loathes it because it causes him to pull away. The next thing he knows he’s looking at his phone with a hand on Jay’s chest. He has no recollection of picking it up, where it was was and how it ended up in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>He looks at Jay, horrified at his own out-of-control leadership skills.</p><p> </p><p>Jay staggers back, breathing hard through an open mouthed smile, still with his arms around the boy now in accidental leader-mode, blinking a few times scrunching his nose, lo key high key impressed by the balls on himself and dying over the fact that Yang Jungwon just can’t quit being THIS.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a good thing Jay blinks so much because Jungwon isn’t. He blinks for two now. Yang Leader’s breathing has yet to come back from break, but this boy is seconds away from losing his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“My god, I hate myself,” Jungwon looks at Jay who inadvertently shoots him a peculiar knowing smile that he’s desperately trying to hide by biting his own lower lip, “Why did I do this.” Oh he’s so angry at himself, “Why did I stop.” his eye starts to twitch. “Why did I grab my phone for THIS BULLSHIT?!”</p><p> </p><p>He shoves his phone in the older boy’s face, stopping at a disturbingly close distance. Jay’s eyes close tight, very tight. He lets go of Jungwon and he takes off his glasses to rub his eyes, tilting his head obviously swallowing the energy of so much subdued laughter.</p><p> </p><p>It’s the chore app. Jungwon has alerts on the team chore app. He has to do that, he’s the leader and always wants to know what’s up. Right now, he hates himself for being so on top of things when he’d much rather be on top of something else.</p><p> </p><p>Dad❄️Hoon added:<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span><b>Disinfect Make-up Room </b>😢</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon stands there pouting very hard, watching Jay shaking, glasses in hand with his mouth on his forearm and his other arm bent at the elbow hugging himself.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy goes dead behind the eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You think this is funny? Huh?” Jungwon asks with a flatlined tone. His arms are limp on his sides and his head is bent at a curious angle.</p><p> </p><p>Jay won’t speak, but he nods violently, biting the sleeve of his pinstriped suit jacket. He’s not okay because all he wants to do is break into an obscene amount of laughter.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon drops his phone. It lands with a dull thud on carpet.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, it’s kind of… kind of hilarious?” Jay starts, trying his best to hold composure. He doesn’t need Jungwon popping off anymore than he already has. He worries for that boy’s heart. Medically and emotionally, but right now mostly medically. “I mean… I… oh god, aah oh Wonie,” he wipes tears from his eyes, just a liquid manifestation of sound that should have come out of his mouth in mirth, “My poor, poor Yang Lea—“</p><p> </p><p>“GRRRAAAAAAAAARGGHHH!!!!” In a blur the kid pounces, snapping and glad to be.</p><p> </p><p>The next thing Jay knows he’s down on the ground with his back up against a wall in the closet flanked by hung wool and padded coat material, in the process of being assaulted at close range by a very frustrated, pent-up, self-loathing boy with pretty eyes and a fatal smirk.</p><p> </p><p>Elsewhere in the hotel, several guests remark on having heard a distinct but dull thud that many have assumed to be a heavy piece of luggage dropped somewhere on the 15th floor.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, this young boy is in a position to take what he needs, to get this energy out in a way that frees him the way it should’ve been from the beginning. The weird humor, the random singing, the mood swings, the drinking, the misdirected hostility—it all ends now for at least the immediate future. No more weird dreams, no more cliffs, no more birdless skies. His mind is ablaze with endless possibilities, like someone who can’t decide which of the 32 flavors to try at a Baskin Robbins so they just stand there buying time, making eye contact with every tub of ice cream, holding up the line.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s mind is ABLAZE and has no idea where to begin and how to start consuming his prey.</p><p> </p><p>Jay, pinned underneath this wild-eyed sheep with serious predator energy, finds this all too amusing. Jungwon’s on him, sitting on him with no idea what happens next. He looks like he’s running simulations in his head. He just smiles sweetly. He is absolutely whipped for this kid. His back is probably bruised but it’s okay, the wall’s okay and so is his spine. Probably. This was worth it. He thinks he did well for his first try at an actual romantic gesture. He’s just glad to see his boy with the pretty eyes with deep dimpled cheeks and fluffy hair feel free to act like the person he knows him to be. Jay’s an enabler. His boss’s enabler. He owns that because he choses for whom he bends a knee. He likes this and what used to be deep down rises to the surface, a thought— that <em>this</em> exactly what he wanted.</p><p> </p><p>He’s not always in touch with himself, the depths of his expansive and generous heart, but at the bare minimum Jay knows this about himself: Jay’s got mighty fine taste and he isn’t cheap.</p><p> </p><p>Still, he’s still not ready to talk about it. The words percolate and bloom like a slow steeping brew. Give him time, he’s almost <em>almost</em> there. He will eventually, very very soon but for now we appreciate this leap in progress. When the words come it’ll be perfect, but for now he’ll do the most with skills he’s confident with and he acts.</p><p> </p><p>He wraps his arms around his assailant’s neck and pulls him down to his lips and gives him permission to take him the way he’s been threatening to. Once Jungwon’s comfortable with him, with his mouth, his lips, this rhythm and the warmth growing like a flame from his chest radiating out into their space Jay does something brilliant. Intuition kicks in and maybe an awareness of the inevitable, he takes the younger boy’s hands and laces their fingers together. Palms stay flat on berber carpeting and they move in the moment to whatever and wherever this vibe takes them, making an effort to close the space between without taking with their hands.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, this is still the same universe where most of their team takes a similar left turn, possessed with the spirit of Spa Day. They’re currently eating pizza and Sunoo’s just stomped off to his office to have a moment to quietly explode into a fit of silent but violent squeeing before holding his first meeting of Dongsaeng Line minus. Jungwon never had the wherewithal to turn off his notifications, but lucky for him <em>someone</em> expensive had the foresight to fight his automatic responses to an inevitable barrage of loud, sharp <em>DINGS</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Again this young boy finds himself thinking that this hyung Jay is the best not boyfriend ever. High-thread count, dense as all hell but top-shelf nonetheless and tastes as sweet as he seems.</p><p> </p><p>Emails. So many emails. The building superintendent, the homeowners association, the sweet old lady who lives upstairs, a family with infant children from their floor, a middle aged man who works nights as a security guard, that weird couple with too many dogs, emails from Belift management who might’ve gotten CC’d on those previous messages. Some of the subject lines read like full sentences, some of them just say ‘RED BLOOD???’</p><p> </p><p>Try as he might to ignore this soundtrack of sharp repetitive DINGs, Yang-deo can’t help but be the consummate professional. For the next few exchanges they try to mix business with pleasure.</p><p> </p><p>SPOILER ALERT: They spend the next few minutes failing to resume making out because business always wins with these ambitious career-oriented boys. Also neither of them can shut the fuck up because like the rest of their team, they too are terribly fond of flirtatious bullshit.</p><p> </p><p>His head lilts and those pretty eyes narrow, “I’m gonna murder them. Grr,” for a second he bares his teeth, “We’re gonna debut as a two piece.”</p><p> </p><p>“Easy!” He caws a warning with a raised eyebrow, “NO.” a shake of blonde and an earring dangles, “Get back down here.” the challenge is issued with a smirk and then a crinkle of the nose with a silly smile, “Dive into me.”</p><p> </p><p>“JESUS CHRIST?!” the young boy pretends to balk entertained by the dare in random song lyric. He pouts in tiny, leans back down with a muted, “Okay…” He does try but then his phone won’t shut up and his responsible brain kicks in, “—Damnit, I can’t! These dings!!”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm?” He’s too amused by the war between id and superego to act, “Turn off your phone then.”</p><p> </p><p>“Argh!” His head lifts up in irritation, looks at his puffy coat hanging like it says something meaningful, “I can’t,” his head drops, pouting in huge, “Sad face emoji, single tear…” he rolls his eyes and looks at his hyung, “I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing but,” a sentimental sigh, “it seems like a lot of fun and a lot of work to cover up,” he smiles, proud of his homeboys but then his tone changes when he catches glimpse of that boy’s quick lick of his lips. “What am I saying? What have I become?” Leader-mode’s a beast compared to the id.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” The older boy stifles a laugh once again, “Aww Wonie!” Cue a wholesome head tilt, “You spoke emoji!” His energy’s just too wholesome for a guy with a cute boy on his lap. “Aww,” head tilt again.</p><p> </p><p>Yang Leader wonders about logistics, “Shouldn’t they all be back home by now?”</p><p> </p><p>Blonde Hawk Down looks up at his own coat like child to his father, “Sunoo might be throwing a Spa Day rager or everyone’s snapped,” he nods back at his coat and resumes eye contact, “or both?”</p><p> </p><p>“That checks out,” young Yang nods, absorbing those details, “Blue sky a few ideas later while we’re out? I could use your intel,” he purses his lips, looks slightly to his right, lost already in a few what-if scenarios, then he nods, “I need a plan of action before the day’s done.” He’s got a loose strategy put together.</p><p> </p><p>Again we return to the scene of the blonde, “We’ll talk it out when we shop.” Still with cute boy on lap, “We got this.” Like pearls before swine, “We’ll figure this out.” He’s supportive, like a grandmother.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh!” he throws his head back, loose black curls bouncing, “I gotta work some of this off,” this would be hot if not for the workplace conversation,“I can’t focus,” ...on scheming. “I’m drunk,” this a fact. “and don’t know who I’m more upset with,” Oh, here we go! This boy just remembers what he’s sitting on and his id crawls back out. Mischief coats his lips, turning up the corners of his mouth, “myself for not getting this on sooner or them for waiting until now to pull this shit.” Head tilted in totally not an ‘aww’ he moves further down and his fucks to give have left the building.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, don’t do that!” Jay doesn’t like it when his dongsaeng blames himself for things like that. He tries put that blame on himself, “I should’ve... Actually, no,” but he is aware of his limits. He moves his lip to the side and shrugs, “Honestly, this couldn’t have happened any sooner.” He shrugs, owning that fact. “For me, at least.”</p><p> </p><p>What was about to be a heated kiss turns into a soft fluffy head bump, “Damnit.” Too wholesome. That energy was just too wholesome. Jungwon breathes the heaviest sigh, “Hyung. We have to get out of here soon or I’m not sure what I’ll end up doing to you.” He grimaces a little, worried with a look of <em>actual innocence.</em></p><p> </p><p>Suddenly Jay remembers what they were doing before talking about work. “Are you serious?” I mean, who can blame him. They’re perpetually lost in conversation and he can’t help being such a supportive friend. </p><p> </p><p>“I am so angry right now that my hands are numb,” Jungwon’s hands are numb for different reasons. Namely, Jay having to fight his reflexes to pick up the phone each time it dings. Hyung had to use a good bit of force. Jungwon continues, “Seriously, I was trying to figure out a way I could partake without leaving visible marks.”</p><p> </p><p>“CHEESEdust CRIMES!?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not even kidding,” Jungwon wishes he was, “there’s too much rage in me right now," he has crime shoes and that says something, “I know my strength and my limits.” At least he’s self-aware, “I could try to dial it down some and make an estimation but right now my abilities are compromised,” because this eloquent child is drunk. “Jay-ah I don’t want to hurt you,” he’s so sweet, “too much.” and so spicy.</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft!” Of course Jay thinks that’s funny. He’d vibe with a few of the dudes at home if he could bring himself to talk about this openly.</p><p> </p><p>“Also we just put on our clothes. We’re going to be stuck in a loop if we go any further because now I have a strong sensory memory associated with putting on clothes and that seems like a very unhealthy habit to reinforce. We’ve got to change around each other a lot for work.” The wisdom of this child. What a pro.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, Wonie!” and a head tilt, “Damnit, you’re right. We wear fancy clothes for a living and we can’t do that. That’s not right.” Jay’s priorities are always on point, “Here, let me just give you a hug.” Finally he lets go of those hands—again his wholesome motivations lay waste to romantic potential—to raise his arms up to give a hug.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, thank you!” Jungwon drops to his chest and goes for that hug. He loves them hugs. “Make it big.” He also loves teasing.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” Jay gets the tease, “Ahhh!” This a big ole hyungderful hug. He smiles sweetly, “We’ll kill them all later.”</p><p> </p><p>Looks like a little more of his dongsaeng’s rubbed off on him. There’s a joke in there somewhere.</p><p> </p><p>“Yay!” Jungwonie’s eyes twinkle.</p><p> </p><p>Jay-ah stays wholesome, “…with kindness.”</p><p> </p><p>“Boo.” Jungwonie’s eyes deaden.</p><p> </p><p>Then Jay-ah gets dark. “We’ll shop for shit they’ll <em>really</em> love and guilt them into submission,” he’s a different guy now. “Kill them from the inside on a soul level,” he’s a ride-or-die not boyfriend, “You’ll have their loyalty. Forever.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon pulls up from hyung’s chest, his eyes twinkling once again. “Be careful or I might end up dropping the ‘hyung.’ I might drop on a hyung and I won’t be careful.” The (k)id is lives for this energy.</p><p> </p><p>“Shh.” Jay holds a finger to his not boyfriend’s lips, “I’ll make them ALL feel like pieces of shit.” His head tilts with no ‘aww’ in a way that showcases the sharp angles of his jawline. He raises an eyebrow and with a sneer says, “With guilt AND money.”</p><p> </p><p>Shocked, ever so pleasantly shocked, Jungwon’s mouth flies open in a curious smile, “What business do you have being perfect out of fucking nowhere?” Sitting back up on Jay he takes him by the collar of his suit jacket, “How does that suit you?” He’s on the floor, floored, “You... Wow! How?” And delightfully lost for words, “How are you bias wrecking me?” A top 3 Day Out smile on his face, “I’m in the group?!” He is dying, “I will wreck you!” He is LIVING. Then he goes for the kill with a new weapon in his arsenal, “Across the grain?!! Like the literal definition of a FABRIC bias! I swear to god will wreck your business suit on the bias?!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay lives for this brand of flirtatious bullshit, “Go for it.” He edges upward in a dare, “I want you to <em>and</em> I want you too.”</p><p> </p><p>Good Lord. Guess he <em>really</em> gets off on fashion analogies because his body language just did a Kool Aide man through that thick wall of wholesome.</p><p> </p><p>Sheep Garden reads this clearly. He gulps. “I… am going to the leader of an expensive hyung and five corpses.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” Ah, damnit he just broke back into wholesome. Why do gruesome analogies make him laugh now? “Ah, I know I should be mad at Sunghoon-ah for that chore app shit but for some reason this feels like Jake’s fault.”</p><p> </p><p>Elsewhere, back at the dorm Shim Jake feels a chill come down his spine as he passes out on the floor surrounded by cushions. With a soundless whisper Lee Heeseung breathes a secret pet name onto Park Sunghoon’s lips. Jay’s father’s fedora sits innocently a seat cushion away. In the make-up room behind a closed door Nishimura Riki sneaks a few smooches in while he gets a quick run down of the day’s gossip from the Kim Sunoo on his lap. In the fridge, White Stilton Gold remains safe.</p><p> </p><p>The time is 5:15 pm.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I keep remembering that one of Jungwon's favorite songs is Permission by Ro James. Since knowing that about him I've always kinda been like... aaah this kid. He's got a side. A fun side.</p><p>AH! Honestly folks, this was hard for me because this is my bias AND my mothership. I just want to make this make sense and not just be crack but also I live and love crack... Please tell me how I did, please and thank youuu</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Catch up, hyung!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon uses a blue felt tip marker with a rounded tip. Jay uses a black felt tip marker with a chisel tip.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>We’re trying something new, an experiment if you will. </p><p>This is a VISUAL chapter. </p><p>Also, please please please try not to scroll down so quickly. It’ll be for your benefit, I promise! Trust meeee.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh my god!” Above, Jay pants holding his knees, “Slow down!” He’s winded. “What the fuck?! How the are you running so fast!?” He might bust a lung, “Seriously, wait up! I’ve only made it down to the 14th floor?!”</p><p> </p><p>“This is nothing!” Jungwon yells from below, “You should seen me this morning— THAT was insane!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay yells back down through the stairwell railing to see how far down Jungwon’s gotten. “HOW?” He’s two flights below.</p><p> </p><p>Fluffy black hair pops out in the gap between flights, he looks up, “Catch up, hyung!” He’s flushed, blushed and all dimples, “Meet me at the seventh floor!”</p><p> </p><p>They’ve left the hotel room. Actually, Jungwon bolted as soon as Jay mentioned Jake. Something within him stirred, maybe something paternal and some shade of shame. Either way, that was getting to be too much for him. He most definitely was a little scared of himself. He did not see that moment coming. So to burn off some of that energy Jungwon suggests something Jay thought he didn’t have to deal with that day.</p><p> </p><p>“If I knew you were serious about stairs I wouldn’t have gotten us a room on the fifteenth floor!”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry hyung, but I never back down from my goals!” He yells, doing his best to keep his distance. Even as he flies down these steps, his mind wanders back to that space by and in the closet. He’s buzzing, so he keeps himself busy. He has questions, so many of them, and he wants answers he knows Jay isn’t ready to give. It’s clear by the way the usually talkative Jay hasn’t been speaking much today that now is not the time. So <em>fuck it,</em> he thinks. <em>Let’s go do some crimes.</em></p><p> </p><p>By the time Jay makes it to his level Jungwon’s scoped out the landing. With his eyes he’s scanned the space, checked out corners of the ceiling, measured the out angles where he might best get away with this line item on his list. A bucket list of random crimes, much like <em>‘jaywalking with Jay’</em> was earlier. There’s no written log or electronic trail, Jungwon keeps this list in his mind because he’s smart like that. Jungwon knows how to get away with crimes.</p><p> </p><p>“Ya! What’re you doing now?” Jay takes the last step down with his hand on his heart, trying to catch his breath, “What do you need out of your bag?”</p><p> </p><p>In a strategically chosen spot, Jungwon kneels with his backpack open. He rummages through for a few before pulling out two thick marker pens, zips back up and slings the straps back over his shoulders. It lands on his back with a puff on his padded coat.</p><p> </p><p>Jay walks over next to him with his hands in his pockets waiting for a response but the younger boy’s got his attention on his phone, scrolling through, searching for something specific.</p><p> </p><p>“If you’re up for it, you can help me do something fun,” Jungwon beams, eyebrows dancing.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? I’m down,” Jay signs himself up before knowing what he’s in for, “What kind of fun?”</p><p> </p><p>“More crimes,” he says with another waggle of the brow and a smile, “Nothing big, just something specific I’ve wanted to try.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” The older boy purses his lips, shakes his head and grins, “Goddamnit Jungwonie. Could you elaborate a bit more or should I just let this happen?”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy thinks about how to explain this what and his why. He pouts briefly but then licks his lips quick, “Its not a big deal. Just a little bug in my brain I’ve had since seeing this MV. Figured why not?” He cranks up the volume on his phone, “I’m giving us until the end of this song and then time’s up.”</p><p> </p><p>He looks up to his left at Jay, crinkles his nose, wordlessly presses play and sets his phone on the concrete floor between them. Jungwon will let the music do the talking, he trusts Jay to figure out what’s up. Recognizable voices sing a harmony at the beginning of the track, tickling Jay’s head with a chill.</p><p> </p><p>            <em>Seventeen</em></p><p> </p><p>A wave of recent nostalgia washes over Jay and his mouth flies open in an open smile. A clear set of images flash in his mind: a blue couch, that familiar practice space, that egg behind glass, Sunoo in orange in full shameless aegyo, Jake’s naturally confused face used to its full potential as he opens up a light up book and Jungwon in his white hoodie shooting him a nervous look from across the room.</p><p> </p><p>            할 말이 많은데</p><p>
  <em>           ( Got so much to say )<br/>
</em>
</p><p>            정리가 잘 안 돼</p><p><em>           ( but can’t organize myself )</em> </p><p> </p><p>For the third time in the stairwell, Jungwon wiggles his eyebrows and offers no clear answer. The thick marker pens are presented to Jay. Offering a choice, Jungwon holds one in blue ink on his right and black ink on his left.</p><p> </p><p>            도와줘 SOS</p><p>
  <em>           ( Help me, S.O.S )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Smiling wide, Jay takes the chisel point in black. Jungwon nods in approval and counts with his fingers with the lyrics sung in the next line, starting with his pointer, middle finger, ring finger…</p><p> </p><p>            1, 2, 3, 4</p><p> </p><p>… then switches to a finger gun to shoot.</p><p> </p><p>Excited and all teeth, the two uncap their pens and get to work. They don’t bother to discuss what each of them is about to scribble. Music echoes through out the stairwell, a feint sound outside their bubble, but clear as rain between them.</p><p> </p><p>            어떤 표현법을 써야만 내 맘이 전해질까 </p><p>
  <em>           ( What kind of expression<br/>
            can deliver my heart? )</em>
</p><p>            마음을 꺼내서 너에게 복사해 붙여야 하는 건가</p><p>
  <em>           ( Should I take my heart out to<br/>
            copy and paste on you? )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Focused on his composition, Jay finds himself grooving to the beat. Fluffy blonde hair bouncing, shoulders shimmying, he smiles at the memory of Hanbin bobbing up and down with a tablet to his chest and Jungwon’s frustrated grimace as he misses his cue to move.</p><p> </p><p>            어느 멋진 날에 나에게 짠 하고 나타나선</p><p>
  <em>           ( On one fine day you<br/>
            magically appeared )</em>
</p><p>            내 맘을 취하고 시선을 빼앗고 넌 욕심쟁이</p><p>
  <em>           ( You took my heart and attracted<br/>
            my eyes, you’re greedy )</em>
</p><p>            내가 하고 싶었던 말은</p><p>
  <em>           ( What I wanted to say is )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He sees Daniel’s smooth gliding between fellow trainee force-pushes behind the backboard and the blinding whiteness of Heeseung’s grin. For a split second he scowls recalling Jungwon’s leg rested upon Jake’s thigh. He forgot about that part.</p><p> </p><p>            Don’t take this the wrong way</p><p>            But 너 말곤 안 보여</p><p>
  <em>           ( But I can’t see anything but you )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Fondly he thinks back to a few disjointed moments, brunette Sunghoon’s silly suffering screams at rehearsal and Taki’s effortless expressions charming the functioning knees off their sunbaenims.</p><p> </p><p>            You’re so ice ice baby</p><p>            At the same time 넌 날 녹여</p><p>
  <em>           ( At the same time you melt me down )</em>
</p><p>            Just can’t get enough</p><p> </p><p>Briefly he remembers Niki smiling huge in admiration, Sunoo’s hair bouncing as he mimes playing piano and Kei elbowing him, like Jay should be proud of how Sunghoon killed emoting with his swagger.</p><p> </p><p>            날 너에게 숨김없이 보여 주고 싶어 oh</p><p>
  <em>           ( I want to show you myself<br/>
            without hiding anything )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>For no specific reason, Jay glances over to his right to check on his and his companion’s work. He hasn’t really been listening to the lyrics.</p><p> </p><p>            우린 서로를 선택했고</p><p>
  <em>           ( Oh we chose each other and )</em>
</p><p>            나노 단위로 집중해</p><p>
  <em>           ( focus on by nano unit )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>His companion draws with a focus, determined as always to act deliberately and do things well. To commit this unprovoked act of random vandalism well. Sheep Garden’s fluffy black locks bounce to the beat as well.</p><p> </p><p>            널 볼 때 난 숨이 체할 것 같아</p><p>
  <em>           ( When I see you, it’s breathtaking )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Not missing this cue, Jungwon looks up lifting his pen from the surface of the wall. His eyebrows dance once more, as if to signal an action. He looks over at Jay’s work and gives him a thumbs up.</p><p> </p><p>            평소엔 안 그러는데</p><p>
  <em>           ( Normally I’m not like this )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jay lifts his eyebrows in affirmative, returning the gesture of approval, also appreciating Jungwon’s work.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Automatically, they take a quick dance break at the chorus with their uncapped pens in hand. Even if the older boy wasn’t in that unit, any professional dancing boy worth his salt knows this part of the song at least and we all know Jay’s pure <em>Amethyst Bamboo 9x</em>. They dance like Seventeen’s watching because why not? Drawing and dancing is fun.</p><p> </p><p>            예쁜 말<br/>
            모두 모아서 따다 주고 싶은데</p><p>
  <em>           ( I want to pick and gather all<br/>
            the pretty words for you )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>            너 너 너 너 앞에 서면 자꾸 들어가는 말</p><p>
  <em>           ( They stick in my throat in front of you )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon takes his pen with the nib up and starts singing the next part to Jay because between the two of them, his vocal tone suits the pitch of the original track.</p><p> </p><p>            새벽에 물을 마시면서<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>            혼자 다짐해 나는 너에게</p><p><em>           ( I promise myself, while drinking<br/>
</em> <em>            a glass of water in the morning,<br/>
            to tell you )</em></p><p> </p><p>Nib side up, Jay takes the next part of the verse because between the two of them he’s got a compatible timbre to match the song.</p><p> </p><p>            턱 끝까지 차올랐던 그 말을<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>            내일 꼭 하겠어</p><p><em>           ( I will confess what has been<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span></em> <em>            on the tip of my tongue tomorrow)</em></p><p> </p><p>Both smiling ear to ear and in full aegyo long haired Jeonghan would be proud of they end with a poke on each side of the cheek at the dimples and end with a playful bendy peace sign.</p><p> </p><p>            너 예쁘다</p><p>
  <em>           ( You are pretty )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Black and blonde fluff bounce in a nod at the end of the chorus and they resume drawing, pleased with their performance at that impromptu dance break and that without the benefit of discussion they had a similar idea of what to draw. That being their mascot emojis: an eagle for Jay and a cat for Jungwon.</p><p> </p><p>            감기에는 약 배고프면 밥</p><p>
  <em>         ( Pills for cold, meals for hunger, )</em>
</p><p>            너에는 나</p><p>
  <em>         ( me for you )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon finds himself smiling while drawing. They could’ve easily drawn or written anything else, but this works. He’s not surprised, but still, it’s always pleasant when things happen that prove that he and Jay are on the same wavelength.</p><p> </p><p>            나로 정의됐음 좋겠단 말이야 (좋겠단 말이야)</p><p><em>           ( I want to define you as me<br/>
</em> <em>            like this in the dictionary )</em></p><p> </p><p>Jay draws a wing, the memories of their days on I-LAND take a back seat to the present. The music, the lyrics and his co-conspirator Jungwon. Without a doubt he’s amused with all of this. This IS fun, silly and senseless. He’d do this again if asked.</p><p> </p><p>            근데 오늘은 대체 어떻게 해야 돼</p><p>
  <em>           ( By the way what should I do today? )</em>
</p><p>            인터넷에다 물어볼까</p><p>
  <em>           ( Should I ask the internet? )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>To draw the talons on his eagle the older boy throws a pair of straight lines and a pair of sharp, upward angles. He thinks in pairs, the notes in fluent emoji from this morning, the cups of frozen fun juice, the terrycloth robes, matching pajamas and that pair of underwear, of him and his favorite dongsaeng, of the two years between them, the two years they’ve known each other, of the two of them and what this means.</p><p> </p><p>            어떤 옷 또 어떤 곳</p><p>
  <em>           ( What to wear, where to go )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>To draw whiskers on his cat’s face, Yang-deo throws six straight lines. For no real reason he asks himself why he always draws his cat with six whiskers. He thinks of the number six, of his team mates, his new family, this life. He thinks of what it means to lead, to him and to them. He thinks of what he wants to be, what he wants the team to achieve and what he can do. He thinks about what it means to live. He blinks when he catches himself throw the last line to sound of a piano key.</p><p> </p><p>            공부를 이렇게나 해 볼걸 hey huh</p><p>
  <em>           ( I should have studied hard like this )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They draw in the last details on their caricatures, drawing in eyes, refining lines, adding a few insinuations of shadow. This process is quick and simple. The song’s barely halfway over but they’re pretty much done. Sincerely, they look forward to seeing each other’s work.</p><p> </p><p>            우린 서로를 선택했고</p><p>
  <em>           ( Oh we chose each other and )</em>
</p><p>            나노 단위로 집중해</p><p>
  <em>           ( focus on by nano unit )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>One minute and fifty-seven seconds into this three and a half minute song, Jay and Jungwon finish their drawings supremely ahead of schedule. They cap their pens and step back, ready to show off their tiny doodles, ready for critique.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>            널 볼 때 난 숨이 체할 것 같아</p><p>
  <em>           ( When I see you, it’s breathtaking )</em>
</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh my god, that’s adorable! </em>Jay can’t take his eyes off that little blue cat and it’s charming little slanted eyes. He’s impressed by it, the expression on its face—kinda tired, vaguely hostile and yet soft. He thinks it’s probably the round nib of Jungwon’s pen but then he looks deeper, focusing on the lines that intentionally don’t meet up.</p><p> </p><p>            평소엔 안 그러는데</p><p>
  <em>           ( Normally I’m not like this )</em>
</p><p> </p><p><em>As expected, Jay-ah! So fucking bad-ass. </em>Jungwon stares at that eagle with its sharp lines with so much admiration. He’s amazed at his hyung’s control of line weights and how the slight lines that make up the eye, the detail of the beak and the flourish on the tail feather all vary. He wonders if its just the chisel tip but he knows that’s not it.</p><p> </p><p>The chorus comes back up and unprompted they start dancing once again. Fists clenched and bent at the elbow they start stomping to the rhythm of Pretty U.</p><p> </p><p>           예쁜 말<br/>
            모두 모아서 따다 주고 싶은데</p><p>
  <em>           ( I want to pick and gather all<br/>
            the pretty words for you )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hyung’s gotten into the spirit of this, coz this beat IS a bop and yeah he’ll raise his hand, wave it and bend at the torso with the most amount of aegyo he can muster on demand.</p><p> </p><p>            너 너 너 너 앞에 서면 자꾸 들어가는 말</p><p>
  <em>           ( They stick in my throat in front of you )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Dongsaeng sways his body side to side at this swimming melody. He breaks out of the choreography when he suddenly gets an idea after a quick glance back at Jay’s eagle.</p><p> </p><p>            새벽에 물을 마시면서<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>            혼자 다짐해 나는 너에게</p><p><em>           ( I promise myself, while drinking<br/>
</em> <em>            a glass of water in the morning,<br/>
            to tell you )</em></p><p> </p><p>He uncaps his blue marker and steps in front of Jay’s section of the wall, throwing his fuzz-lined hood up to cover up his work. He’ll add a little something he knows the older boy will like.</p><p> </p><p>            턱 끝까지 차올랐던 그 말을<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>            내일 꼭 하겠어</p><p><em>           ( I will confess what has been<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span></em> <em>            on the tip of my tongue tomorrow)</em></p><p> </p><p>Jay stopped dancing when the younger boy started back drawing. Curious, he tries to peek behind the hood and he thinks of pulling him away from the wall to see but then he decides to trust the process.</p><p> </p><p>            너 예쁘다</p><p>
  <em>           ( You are pretty )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon takes his hood back down and with jazz hands proudly unveils his addition to Jay’s doodle: fancy sparkles. A little something to make this eagle look cooler and sophisticated</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s head tilts in an ‘aww,’ nods his head approvingly and gives a thumbs up in case it wasn’t clear he liked it. He uncaps his marker again and steps in front of Jungwon’s cat. Using his wide scarf, he covers up his work to offer a similar surprise.</p><p> </p><p>            I can’t take it no more</p><p>            할 말은 있는데</p><p>
  <em>           ( I’ve got something to say )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The scarf goes down and Jay steps back with a deep bow to uncover his addition to Jungwon’s doodle: action marks, a little something that make this little blue cat seem like it’s charging with a force.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s mouth flies open, delighted. His hand comes over his mouth to express overwhelmed appreciation. He also sees this as a challenge. This song has a bit more to go. Maybe there’s something he can add to get a fun reaction out of his favorite hyung.<em>Ah! I got it!</em></p><p> </p><p>            I can’t take it no more</p><p>            지금 하려고 해</p><p>
  <em>           ( Right now, I’m gonna try )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He draws one little dot that he doesn’t bother to hide. Without making eye contact he steps back with a small, mischievous smirk. Jay will know what that means, or at least he hopes he does.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Jay blushes, biting his lip. His hand goes over his mouth briefly. He understands this has just turned into a game and he thinks about what he can do to illicit a similar reaction. There’s still a ways to go before this song ends. He looks at his dongsaeng trying to hide his smile. <em>Yeah. That’s it. That’s definitely it.</em></p><p> </p><p>            I can’t take it no more</p><p>            편지를 쓰려다가</p><p>
  <em>           ( I was about to write a letter )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He steps in to draw on Jungwon’s cat. Quickly and but with delicacy he tilts the chisel tip to draw two fine little dots. He knows the intention and the effort cuts through those points. It’s also very him to admire this detail.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon blushes at this most wholesome detail. Remembering the post-it notes from that morning he decides to go with the obvious. Of course, he’s gotta draw in a heart. That’s just how this goes, right?</p><p> </p><p>            I can’t take it no more</p><p> </p><p>He throws that curve in blue ink and stops. For once, he hesitates to continue.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly he realizes what this could be. A window of opportunity and an enormous gamble and this could ruin the mood of the entire day, possibly this whole memory, probably their relationship. He stands back, thinking what to do and he listens.</p><p> </p><p>            못 참겠어</p><p>
  <em>           ( I can’t stand it )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He can’t stand it. He has to take this leap. He has to jump. After the moments by and in the closet, he just cannot move forward without figuring this out. Jungwon changes the game and decides that now is the time.</p><p> </p><p>He adds a single dot and stands back.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>The energy in the stairwell changes. Neither of them move with the music and the air suddenly becomes tense. With the addition of a single dot, this light moment now carries a weight that could change everything. Then again, haven’t things already changed? Hasn’t everyday been leading up to this? What happened between them by the closet, in the closet? Was it ever really possible to go back to the way things used to be? Affectionate and ambiguous with a constant hurt. A dull pain.</p><p> </p><p>Jay, still with his pen uncapped, thinks through so much. Only three lines pass between the dot and his answer, but to both of them it feels like an eternity. This is a loaded question. Without words between them neither written or said, Jungwon has asked the most loaded of all questions.</p><p> </p><p>            Baby you’re my lady</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy sighs. <em>Of course, what did I expect. </em>But then again, he had to know. He could move on, move backward and this day could just be something they agree to keep in their minds as a dream. His heart starts to hurt again. He won’t look to his left and he wears a melancholy smile, ready to fall flat like Icarus. <em>This was a dream. I knew it.</em></p><p> </p><p>He closes his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>            너의 마음속을 달려가는 중인데</p><p>
  <em>           ( I am running to your heart )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The older boy sighs. He closes his eyes and focuses on the beating of his heart. He thinks about his why for so many things he’s done, does and did. He reviews his actions and his logic, remembering why he’s hesitated and why he lost to an urge not resisted. He thinks about every time he’s resisted. He searches for the words. They’re not ready yet and he’s got so much to say but he knows his heart. This day was supposed to be in service of this feeling, to find out for himself what he wanted to do with this feeling because he knows it’s not going to leave him. He doesn’t want this feeling to go away, but he wonders if he’s ready and if he'll ever be.</p><p> </p><p>            Baby 이제 거의 다 왔어</p><p>
  <em>           ( Baby I’m almost there )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ten seconds of hesitation pass. The longest ten seconds of both their lives. Already Jungwon’s readied himself to free fall. On the other hand, Jay has freed himself to fly.</p><p> </p><p>With the chisel tip of black marker Jay pulls the trigger on that loaded question unasked, answering with a complimentary curve on the left side. He looks over to see the younger boy with eyes closed. He taps him on the shoulder twice.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Unafraid to face the truth Jungwon’s eyes open wide. He finds himself blinking several times. His mouth goes slack looking right at Jay completely shocked and absolutely awed.</p><p> </p><p>Jay raises his shoulders, palms up and gives a timid smile that starts small and ends in all teeth.</p><p> </p><p>At that gesture, the younger boy’s pen flies up and draws a hasty circle to reflect how he feels. His mouth begins to tremble and it forms a half-smirking smile.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Jay immediately steps in to draw some more. He pops his coat collar and uses his wide scarf once again, with his face really close to the wall, doing the <em>most</em> to hide what he’s doing. It takes a little while.</p><p> </p><p>            새벽에 물을 마시면서<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>            혼자 다짐해 나는 너에게</p><p><em>           ( I promise myself, while drinking<br/>
</em> <em>            a glass of water in the morning,<br/>
            to tell you )</em></p><p> </p><p>His scarf goes back down and he rubs the back of his neck, shyly, collar still popped. He has trouble looking at his companion directly and he bites his lower lip in a slight pout.</p><p> </p><p>Jay steps back to reveal a diligently shaded heart, leaving no traces of bare white on the inside.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s just… he’s melting. This very Gen Z moment melts his heart until he’s swimming in liquid emotion. This is HUGE. This means something. This means EVERYTHING. Deep down, this is exactly what he wanted but wouldn’t fully admit to. He looks at Jay like might cry. Like, he might really, truly <em>actually</em> cry. He is shook to the core, emotionally.</p><p> </p><p>            영화처럼 달콤하고 예쁜 그 말</p><p>
  <em>           ( Beautiful words like the<br/>
            lines in a movie )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He steps in and without covering carefully traces the outline of the heart in blue. He loves him too. He hears the lyrics and smiles at the irony of it all. This wordless confession, these thousand words condensed into analogue emoji, to him are as beautiful as spoken dialogue in a movie.</p><p> </p><p>            몇 날 며칠 밤새 연습 했던 그 말</p><p>
  <em>           ( The words I’ve prepared<br/>
            overnight for days )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Maybe one day, overnight after so many days he’ll hear it from Jay, but this is perfect as it is. He stops drawing by shading the circle at the bottom, accentuating his surprise</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>The song’s still going, they’re both smiling sort of biting their lips, glancing at each other a little timid to make full eye contact. They think about capping their pens but this is still a game until the song completely ends.</p><p> </p><p>Jay looks over to his right, still very shy but he makes it clear that he sings the following words with his eyes and he means it.</p><p> </p><p>            내일은 꼭 두 주먹을 꽉 쥐고<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/>
</span>            말해 주고 싶어</p><p><em>           ( I want to say them to you tomorrow<br/>
</em> <em>            with my clenched fists )</em></p><p> </p><p>Going back over to his eagle he begins to draw again, a short throw of lines to convey a feeling.</p><p> </p><p>            너 예쁘다</p><p>
  <em>           ( You are pretty )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Four quick lines on the eagle’s cheek. A clear blush.</p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Jay looks over again and smiles in tiny.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon, still in a state of liquid happy has never been more moved by ink in his life before. Those four lines drawn to the words “너 예쁘다” <em>( “You are pretty" ) </em>with the combination of that smile tell him, he likes him the same way. A clear not platonic way. He doesn’t just have an emotional affection for him, shit. This is physical too? I mean, the closet happened but that could still easily be just another game. They are boys, those games happen in their unique profession. This is sweet… and spicy.</p><p> </p><p>This gets a line item dropped off this young boy’s bucket list of crimes in the darker sections at the bottom of the list. That just can’t happen anymore, and he’s extremely glad. That act requires resistance.</p><p> </p><p>He can’t look at Jay but he’s not going to let the song run out with Jay having the last say. He take a little time to think of the best way to end this crime, this confession. Something small, something meaningful, something to bring this point home.</p><p> </p><p>            Does she love me,</p><p>            Does she love me not?</p><p>            하루 종일 세고 있어 꽃잎만</p><p>
  <em>           ( I am counting flower petals all day long )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It clicks in his mind. He chooses raw honesty and hops in front of his cat drawing, throws his hood back up to preserve the secrecy of his work. He’ll cap his pen after this and these will be the last marks he makes on this wall.</p><p> </p><p>            Does she love me,</p><p>            Does she love me not?</p><p>            꽃잎은 내게 어떤 답을 전해 줄까</p><p>
  <em>           ( What will the petals answer to me? )</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He steps back to reveal the two lil baby hearts for eyes, how he feels, a boy in blue in bloom, swimming in a sea of teal liquid emotion.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>A thought appears in his head of what he’d like to do, but he’s embarrassed. He can’t look at Jay or touch him right now, he’s afraid he’ll melt and lose himself. So the nanosecond the song ends, he picks up his phone and runs as fast as he can down the stairs.</p><p> </p><p>Jay stays behind to appreciate their drawing, this exclusive collaboration. He takes a picture with his phone, smiling, blushing and makes a mad dash down the stairs to catch up with Jungwon before he reaches the ground floor. He’s going to catch up no matter what. He is very strongly, inappropriately motivated to catch that Sheep before he breaks through the gates that door.</p><p> </p><p>To get to him before he reaches the ground floor Jay’s got to fly down those steps. Literally. He starts off taking two, three, four stair steps at a time, when that isn’t fast enough he tries to slide down the railing but then he takes that idea further and like a bad ass decides to skip using stairs as steps jumping over the railing between flights. Ladies and gentlemen, that's right. Expensive Park Jongseong is doing parkour. Damn! What a boss.</p><p> </p><p>Jay catches up, quick. He gets to the ground floor, jumping through the last flight, landing with a smooth tumble—a forward roll and right before Jungwon’s hand reaches the emergency exit he does something resourceful. He’s too far away to reach him with his hands so he whips his long luxurious wide knit scarf he’s had draped over his coat and snaps it out with a force that slings over that little sheep, yanking him back as he’s about to push through the stairwell door.</p><p> </p><p>He falls right into Jay, they spill and topple over. Jungwon twists to take the fall because that’s the kind of selfless kid he is even reflexively. He feels like logistically its better for him to take the impact because of his padded coat plus backpack. Lucky for him, Jay’s one of the best dancers in the nation and this boy’s got guns like a lean Willi Ninja, cashmere smooth moves like Fred fucking Astaire and LEG STRENGTH like the Lord of the Dance himself, Micheal Flatley. With nanoseconds before Sheep hits the ground Jay catches Jungwon with an arm around his backpack in a deep dip. This young boy’s back was saved from the indiscriminate clutches of gravity by grace of Dance.</p><p> </p><p>Wide eyed once more, Jungwon struggles to blink. Again not entirely sure how he ended up in a specific physical position. They stay that way for a while, Jay’s smile is effortlessly serene, acting as if this is just a thing that normal people <em>can</em> do, but of course they can’t stay that way. He sets them both upright and standing then adrenaline takes over Jay’s brain. Jungwon bends to pick up the takes the scarf he was lassoed with from the ground and the minute he gets up, he’s grabbed by the fur trim of his hood and gets pulled into a yipes of a kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Time bends yet again because in that split second, Jungwon hears a few people come through the emergency exit door from the floor above and his inhuman reflexes / his innate ability to stay out of trouble kicks in. He wraps the broad scarf around Jay’s head, covering his hair and his face.</p><p> </p><p>Jay, finally caught up, just goes for it and goes feral. Clutching the fur trim of his hood, he monopolizes that space, kisses him deep, with his tongue licking, with his mouth hungry, and whole being wild and wildly in public. For all intents and purposes, OUT. From the outside it just looks like a dude in a brown trench coat making out with a slightly shorter person in a shapeless, oversized coat. With this guaranteed anonymity Jungwon loses to impulse as well, he fights back with that canned aggression, he bites, he reciprocates, somehow he knows what he’s doing and he doesn’t care how or why but he keeps Jay close with that scarf. It might rip. They keep at it even as people walk past them in scandalized hush whispers, AGHAST at this boldness.</p><p> </p><p>Someone in the group walking past them, a dude yells out “Get it, son!” before exiting the stairwell</p><p> </p><p>The door closes and its just them again. They continue for a little more, just until the razor’s edge of dangerous when their rational brains boot back up to remind them ‘<em>What the fuck is wrong with you two. This is happening in public. You had a ROOM.’</em> They both pull back, pushing off with a force, hot as hell, panting hard and grateful for long coats. They make accidental eye contact and spontaneously burst out laughing wickedly, impressed by the balls on each other also because that entire moment was TERRIFYING.</p><p> </p><p>They say nothing as they exit the stairwell to the hotel lobby like everything’s okay. Actually, everything IS okay, and it’s better than okay. It’s fucking <em>great.</em> Jungwon's mask comes back on at the doorframe and Yang Leader calmly takes control of his being once again. They check each other with no words exchanged, smoothing over collars, strategically ruffling hair, making sure nothing looks out of place. Jay slips his mask back on and collects himself before reaching the front desk to check out, slipping a few hundred thousand KR₩ in cash like so much tissue at the front desk. He palms every security guard they pass wads of cash as they leave the hotel lobby arm in arm through the revolving door, walking and laughing behind COVID masks.</p><p> </p><p>The day is far from done, but this already has been a hell of a <em>Day Out</em> for Park Jay and Yang Jungwon. Everyone <em>should</em> watch out for this boss and his expensive accessory, this bad ass blonde, because they’re hot. Visually and for each other. Also emotionally. They’ve chilled, changed and caught up — literally and figuratively. They’re ready to make waves, like their fluffy hair makes waves. They go hard with business, they’re soft on shenanigans, they do crimes—fun crimes— and they’re wholesome until they’re absolutely not. </p><p> </p><p>Peace. JayWon’s out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><span class="u">Random Brand Drop</span>:  Amethyst Bamboo 9x is the MOST expensive salt money can buy, its actually a product out of Korea. Look it up, its fuuuun. Also wtf, its just salt?! We could all season food with our tears if we wanted to.</p><p>Let me know how this chapter went down for you guys. I drew these pictures myself. I've had this chapter idea for the longest time and as much as I described what the images were, I couldn't stop myself from making them visually. IDK, seemed like a cute idea but then again I hope they all load well on whatever devices you guys are reading this from. </p><p>Like, a lot of my descriptions are super visual and I draw for fun anyway? So if you like this let me know, if it's not working, let me know that too! Knowledge is power and I get off on power. Sorry. This chapter. ugh. I'm wholesome. I am wholesome.</p><p>Moving on, this chapter is also really different in that I pretty (u) much used an entire song instead of just quoting it. I'm not too sure about how I feel about that, tbh. I don't like to lean on that as a crutch but for this specifically, I thought it was appropriate. </p><p>When you think about it, this chapter covers the least amount of Earth time, but time stands still for these intense little events. A lot happens in your head, and as silly as we like to get in Pause Mode, it's really all about what clicks in the boy's minds that makes things funny or makes the random make sense.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. dogs CAN’T WRITE.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jay calls for a car service. Jungwon shares evidence.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><span class="u">edit</span>: Originally as “CAN’T WRITE.”</p><p>part A of the ride to the mall.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The time is 5:40 in the evening. Mere minutes into hitting the streets on their feet, the duo upgrade their experience. They get mobile—automobile in the back seat of a custom <em>Mercedes Maybach S 650</em> courtesy of a service called for by Expensive Hyung Jongseong. They’re on a drive from the <em>Park Hyatt</em> to the <em>Galleria Luxury Hall</em> to acquire souvenirs the home team desires. This commute takes forty-five minutes to an hour.</p><p> </p><p>‘We’ have some time to kill.</p><p> </p><p>In the vehicle, the seating plan from left to right: Yang Jungwon, Yang Backpack, Park Jay. They would’ve preferred sitting together but they’ve got baggage. Yang Jungwon specifically has this cartoonishly large backpack he takes everywhere. It’s multipurpose. It’s his school bag, his work bag, his go-bag, sometimes crime spree kit but more importantly it’s where he keeps a few of his most precious secrets close. Baggage gets in between but used right it can bring two <em>things</em> together, like a hyphen.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes have been out the window, passively watching the scenery fly. He thinks about the team, possible gifts, what’s changed, what hasn’t and what will. Words come to him slowly, deliberately arranging them the way he needs for them to fall. Sunghoon knows this well, that Jay takes the time to choose what he says, how he says it but not necessarily when. He leads with his heart and is impulsive about the when. Every part of his choice is significant. Words, actions and gifts—all choices with meaning and reason, even if those reasons evade his grasp. This boy is consistent. Jay is this way with everything. With all people, places and <em>things</em>. </p><p> </p><p>He’s in his head about a lot. As the scenery goes by, he sits in waiting as they travel from point A to point B, watching and noticing. The eagle observes with intent before he strikes.</p><p> </p><p>The cat in blue sitting on the other side of the of his ride watches as well. His eyes stay on the bird. He knows he’ll move but he doesn’t know when. He’ll pounce when he does, but until then he remains reserved. For now he’ll busy himself with his baggage.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy unzips and starts to rummage for the right catalyst to get this regal bird to notice him. He’s not ready for the kill but he still wants to play.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, did you want to see a few spoils from this morning’s…” he pulls down his mask to his chin and covers the side of his face. When Jay looks he mouths the word ‘…CRIMES’ exaggeratedly. Without a sound the word is communicated with all caps energy.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” That gets a laugh out Jay, because that’s him now. “Do I ever!? Yeah, definitely! I—” his eyes dart over to the rearview mirror, checking if driver up front pays them any mind. He’ll ply him later with a few too many bills for some peace of mind, but until the hand-off at the end of this trip, he’ll be cautious. Jay pulls his mask down to his chin and covers the side of his mouth with his scarf to mouth the words, ‘—YES! PLEASE!!’ in a silent blare, his energy all caps and exclamations.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s mouth is an oversized isosceles triangle, an open smile with happy teeth. “Sweet! I have two different bits of show and tell,” he says in a normal conversational tone, “Pick which one I go with first. Do you want to start with good news or bad news?”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus! That’s loaded.” Jay wrinkles his brow and his mouth, weighing his options. He requests clarification, “Is it actually news or is it just a good thing and a bad thing?”</p><p> </p><p>Like the Rorschach conversationalist he is, Jungwon says it how it is. “Depends on how you see it and I don’t know what you know. Could be hot tea to you, could be a cold brew for me or vice versa. Or both. It’s not even all good or bad, but it’s a lot to drink in.” He doesn’t mean to speak in riddles, it’s just the truth.</p><p> </p><p>Since coming across these artifacts he’s wanted to tap into this hyung’s perspective because these jarred him upon impact. He doesn’t know how to take this in and he doesn’t want to taint Jay’s point of view. He needs raw data to gain some distance, measure this angle, reassess how to frame in case he needs to triangulate a plan.</p><p> </p><p>So he tries to express this as best he can, “All I can say without giving away too much is that you’re gonna feel a way when you see these. Positive <em>and</em> negative vibes. Whether it leaves you with the vibe you start with, who knows?” his eyes move from far left to slightly right, focused on thought and intention. “Jay-ah, hyung… These shook me. I need your eyes.” These are burdens this leader does not want to carry alone. “Is that okay?”</p><p> </p><p>That says enough for Jay to feel that weight. “Yeah, for sure. I’ll check them if you need that grounding.” He’ll help shoulder this responsibility.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean… I can’t say if they’re THAT serious? Legit, both are potentially hilarious.” Yang Leader lightens the mood, crinkles his nose with a toothy grin. “They feel heavy? Kinda? I just don’t know enough, but a hundred percent I came by these through…” he pulls up his fur lined hood and mouths the word ‘...CRIMES’ ending with a playful tongue out in tiny.</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes his head, large grin, superfluously adjusts the frame his glasses and scratches four times behind his ear. “Gotcha. Well,” he breathes in with a slurp, “I’ll go with a very Park Jay choice and say start with the bad vibes. We can only go up from there. Potentially?”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, you got it!” The younger boy zips open his backpack further to gather his props. His bag’s a mess, but a clean mess. It’s just got a lot of things in loose order.</p><p> </p><p>From the corner of Jay’s eye he catches a glimpse of a long powder blue folio the width of half a sheet of paper folded lengthwise. He spots a sticker smaller than his pinky nail.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, what’s that?” He points at it, making sure there’s no room for evasive measures. This eagle’s eyes are sharp. Sure, they need corrective lenses, but once they’re focused nothing escapes his gaze. He wants to know what he thinks he already knows.</p><p> </p><p>A little startled, the cat freezes, sweater paws in mid-rummage. He smiles small, “That’s where I keep my receipts.” No eye contact just a sudden splash of color.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s cool,” Jay purses his lips and points at the sticker. “I get that. I have one like this too,” in the bag he gives that unmoving sweater paw a playful fist bump, “Show you mine if you show me yours?” He feels a comfortable heat at the tips of his ears.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a low-grade shock to hear that. His voice carries that feeling, “Oh? Oh. Okay.” Jungwon looks up, his small smile growing with his bottom lip tucked in. “Sure. That would be nice.” He gives a low energy fist bump back in slow motion. He clears his throat. We have priorities. “Later? I need this out of the way first.”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy thinks this is the slowest fist bump he’s ever felt. “Yeah, at home.” He thinks it’s not a bad thing, but there’s probably another word for it, “Meet me in the closet later? I’ve got mine there. But first, this…” he takes his hand back from the bump to pop his overcoat collar by the side of his face, mouthing the word in all caps ‘…EVIDENCE.’</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! Yeah!” The conversation and the energy climbs back up to full-volume, “Oh boy. Hyuuuung,” that elongated vowel sound is a warning, “Wait till you see this shit,” he pulls out a beat up envelope, unopened.</p><p> </p><p>Before Jay can process what he’s seeing he grabs the backpack and sets it on the floorboard, “Ya! Scoot over before you start,” unmoving from his position, he takes his dongsaeng by the arm and pulls him with ease across the slick polished leather backseat, “ugh! There’s no way I can stand having this conversation reading lips. Especially if this is anywhere close to as ‘what the fuck’ as you say this could be. Let’s not be that.” He says and does this so casually, it passes off as just something people do all the time.</p><p> </p><p>Up front, the driver glances up at the his rearview mirror, shaking his head but simultaneously not surprised. He already knows he’s going to end this ride with a great tip. He raises the partition unprompted. His shift just began and he’s got other things he wants to focus on and he’d much rather be singing along with his guilty pleasure, a playlist full of wholesome TWICE bops.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, okay?!” Jungwon starts laughing huge, laid up with his back on Expensive Jay’s chest. He’s not mad at that, he admires this driver’s professionalism. “Hyung, you gotta tip that dude big before we go,” he laughs, popping his crime shoes off to set his feet up on leather, leaning hard into cozy.</p><p> </p><p>Jay snickers with his arms predictably going around Boss Yang’s shoulders, “Was already going to, now for sure he’ll make bank. At least we don’t have to whisper scream coz that already looks like a MESS.” His eyes go wide at having seen a little bit of the envelope Jungwon’s been covering in his coat. “Let’s get to this bad news crime,” he exhales into fluffy hair to brace himself for the reveal, then he grimaces when he recognizes the distinct smell of shampoo.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Goddamnit, SungFUCKINGHoon.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Letchugo,” excited, the younger boy wiggles his shoulders in a wave, keeping the envelope tucked into his coat, “Alright, I know you saw a little bit already, but allow me to set the stage,” he looks up to make a little eye contact, “If you’re up for it—”</p><p> </p><p>“I AM! Come on! ENs get it!” Anticipation is getting the best of this hyung. Small freak outs are also great covers for unnecessary arm movements. Every syllable is an opportunity, like a beat in a dance. Just a pro tip for all you touchy feelies out there. Jay knows. Take notes.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon is focused on his seated presentation, “We have to escalate this crime —my mail theft— to get to the bottom of this,” he waggles his eyebrows. “Jay hyung, let me introduce you to my crime, and the seed of yet another of <em>our</em> crimes…” Clearly, he’s been waiting all day to show this off. With a flourish he presents with both hands the envelope, address side up. “Park Jongseong, you and I —WE— as a subunit are going to open up… Shim Jaeyoon’s mail.”</p><p> </p><p>“WHAT?!” Jay is all eyeballs, he practically screams that what into the boy’s eardrum, “Where’d you get that?” He shakes the shoulders in the seated cape hug, “Holy shit?! Is that Jake’s handwriting?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it is.” Yang Leader says grimly. He knows for sure as evidenced from past experiences seeing numerous writing samples this was written in Jay’s hand, “It says ‘Return to Sender’ and the return address goes to Belift Labs. I know that much English.”</p><p> </p><p>Confused, amused and with so many questions, Jay who does know English very well reads both sets of addresses. “So, we’re opening a letter Jake sent before he had a permanent address that got returned?” He requests clarity with a clear summation, “This seems a little off and kind of pointless,” silently he studies the intended delivery address, “Wait… what the fuck? Are we opening a letter Jake meant for his dog?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay examines the envelope so closely that his face pokes beyond the crook of Jungwon’s neck. When his head tilts in confusion, it tilts both their heads.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course that sentimental idiot would do something corny like this. He’s such a simp for that dog!” Bemused disgust would be the best way to describe the tone of this blonde's delivery, “That dummy probably wrote out his own home address wrong and it got sent back. Idiot! What a sweet fucking idiot!” When he dunks on Jake, he does it out of love. There's a lot of Jay that's a lot like Jake and in a weird way that awareness manifests as outward expression of playful self-deprecation.</p><p> </p><p>Now a part of him really wants to open this up. No, that’s a lie. ALL of him wants to rip open that envelope but Jay won't come out and say it.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, are we really going to bother reading Jake’s weird letter to his dog?” Of course he's got to put up a bit of a fight but from the jump he's transparently into the idea. “Oh my god, bet he drew a hand turkey too. Or a stick figure family… Jesus Christ, this legit could be written in crayon!” He loses his mind imagining those drawings stuck on the dorm fridge with alphabet magnets. “What the fuck Jake?! What a simp! Fucking simp Shim Jake!” Now he's just having fun. Dunking on Jake is fun.“Oh my god! Shimp Jake!?! AHAHAHA fucking SHIMP!! I’ll call him that forever… aaah What a gift.” He’s in tears at his own joke.</p><p> </p><p>Snickering and shaking his head to disagree Jungwon tries to dial down that energy with a questioning “Maybe? Who knows.” He lives for his cackling hyung, however he isn’t convinced by the theory. “You haven’t seen the best part. The most ‘what the fuck’ part.” He’s holding back on something big that he can’t wait to reveal. “Jay-ah, hyung? Give me a drumroll please,” For additional laughs he turns to whisper dead in his cape’s ear, “... do it with your mouth.”</p><p> </p><p>“PPPPFFFFFHHHHHH!!!!” Jay blue screens loudly, “Jung <em>FUCKING</em> WON?! BEHAVE?!!??” Laughing, blushing, Jay’s hand comes flying over his own heart, “… oh my god, please! Please behave, I’m going to have a heart attack?!”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon falls forward in breathless laughter, “I’m sorry hyung! HOW DO I NOT? You’re TOO fun to fuck with! You asked for this! You made me do this!” Not the right attitude to have, but that’s okay. This is behavior is mutual.</p><p> </p><p>He settles back in to Jay, struggling to calm down, “Oh, but for real, I want that drum roll. Trust me, this is worth the dramatics.”</p><p> </p><p>Still shaking his head a ‘no’ but absolutely meaning ‘yes’ he mimics a drum roll sound with his mouth and accompanies it with an imaginary striking of a snare drum under the arms of his requesting party.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, Jungwon turns the envelope to view the other side. When it’s at its thinnest angle he snaps it flat to reveal a word written in all caps and red ink. The handwriting conveys the emotion and intention clearly in the agitated stroke of each letter. If this was written in font it would be You_Murderer_BB.ttf. The ink may as well be RED BLOOD with the way it’s smeared. Handwriting experts would say that those smears point to this being done by someone left handed in haste using several stabbing strokes of a thick gel ink pen on a lightly coated glossy envelope. Laymen would would say that just adds to the visual crazy.</p><p> </p><p>“GASP.” Jay says the word ‘gasp’ in English and then audibly gasps, “WOW. WOW?! Just WOW. That’s... Oh WOW?! I’m intrigued?!”</p><p> </p><p>The back of the envelope spells the word ‘COWARD’. It fills the whole space of the envelope. Undoubtedly this it was written by a hand ENRAGED. A lot of effort was used to write it out this way and a lot of RAGE.</p><p> </p><p>“YEAH.” Jungwon’s voice drops as his heart did when he first saw this word on this envelope early in the morning. He sighs, very deep. “This is some seriously creepy shit. We have to open this and find out why this exists. This is Jake’s handwriting. This was supposed to go to Brisbane but it’s here in Gangam and it’s inked in hate.” He twists in his seat to face Jay and without a trace of humor asks, “I’m doing this. You in or you out?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck yeah. I’m in.” Jay doesn’t let any space get in between that question and his answer. He’s in this with zero reservations and zero hesitation. With his arms around the younger boy’s torso, he threads his fingers together, physically and symbolically strapping him in for whatever this envelope delivers.</p><p> </p><p>Another weighted sigh escapes Yang-deo’s lips. He could be hesitating, but he says to himself he’s just talking through why he needs to do this. “I mean, I’m the leader. You could just say I’m being nosy or that I’m trying to stir up some shit, but I have to know if we’ve got potential sasaeng out for Jake hyung.” He continues, unable to notice that’s begun to breathe heavily. “Maybe this IS just a letter to his dog? Why his dog doesn’t have the last name Shim checks out. Jake hyung is so crazy about her that he WOULD be that kind of dog person. Pets can have dumb names and different surnames from their owners. It’s weird but it’s not THAT weird and I get that logic. Dogs aren’t blood.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay nods, thinking back to how insane Jake can be about that Labrador Retriever of his. He starts feeling his heart beat a little faster, he knows he’s getting anxious. Ever empathetic he catches that change of tempo in the young boy’s breath. He takes a note of it, but he allows him to continue to talk through his process.</p><p> </p><p>“… That said, dogs CAN’T WRITE. This handwriting is a red flag, both Jake’s and the word on the back. This could mean that this might be someone who’s had close access to Jake hyung. This is not friendly, or at least not anymore if it ever began on good terms. That guy is <em>so</em> trusting and if this is someone he knows who turned, who knows things about Jake... I— We have to look out for the dude. Must protect, right?” Yang Leader says that with a determined nod.</p><p> </p><p>Even if Jay can’t see it, he knows those eyebrows are knotted. He leans forward a little closer, and holds a little tighter. Despite being sounding calm, he knows Jungwon’s heart is beating out of his chest, he feels that in the pulse surging through where his chin rests around the jugular vein of the young boy’s neck.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t give this to him and just ask what’s up, but we can’t ignore this. We have to put up measures to keep him safe,” Yang-deo’s thoughts have been on this all day, running in the background of so many layers of already complicated feelings. As he wears his cape, the words come out with a necessary calm. He is now in a better state to take this on with clarity, “Debut date is so soon, the team needs his confidence at a hundred but more importantly, we don’t want him compromised at the starting line.” He holds the envelope with both palms up. It’s heavy, like a loaded gun. “At the end of the day, he might not need to know this exists…”</p><p> </p><p>Jay pulls the letter down from Yang-deo’s hands, examining the outside with his arms still wrapped around the boy’s torso. “Yeah, I see that. Jakey’s a sensitive sweetheart. If this is harmless, he’s still so soft this could leave him shook. I know that because I’m that soft too. Seeing this bothers me a lot and I’m not him,” he holds the envelope sideways and feels the paper with his fingers. He makes an estimation of how many sheets of paper it holds. “Just thinking about this as a rejected letter for his dog is heavy. How he would feel if this was sent back with hostility by someone he used to be close to... I imagine he might end up scarred.”</p><p> </p><p>Without a word Jay concludes that this isn’t a letter to his dog. Even with full-sized paper folded into thirds, there’s too much in here for long form memes. Running his hand through the surface, he feels a multitude of bumps. Too many bumps. A heavy hand in English writing, weighted with emotion. Despite being run through a barrage of mail sorting machines across borders and back, the fact that this texture remains unflattened is an unsettling detail. Jay knows this because Jay knows a lot about writing letters. Jay also knows this because touch is his strong suit.</p><p> </p><p>“He doesn’t need this in his life,” Jay declares, thinking about how he should advise Yang-deo. He’s not ready to present this deduction. “This unopened is stressful as it is. How do you feel about that?” Jungwon probably doesn’t need this in his life either. He’ll weigh the pros and cons as he listens to his leader talk.</p><p> </p><p>Yang Leader talks through his feelings, “I don’t even mind that its sasaeng mail, it’s just the implied intimacy of Jake’s handwriting.” Two theories come to mind, something unsettling but close to reality and something questionable but business savvy.</p><p> </p><p>True to form, he starts with the business angle. “Either we have a soured relationship or a master forger. If its the latter, I need to let the higher ups know ASAP. Collectively our handwriting counts as intellectual property. They have to protect their IP or we’ll have randos out there selling fake Jake letters. There’s probably a market for that already.” This guess reflects the kind of scheme he would pull with with the ability to fake his teammates' handwriting.</p><p> </p><p>Then a pause. Jungwon is more measured speaking about his more probable guess. “I don’t know what to do about the soured relationship." He has less to say about this, less to assume and more questions open up he can't grasp the scope of yet. "We have to piece this together with context clues and see if we need to get others in on this if he’s at risk physical danger." He worries less about keeping his teammate hyung safe from a possible assault. He worries entirely about what he's powerless to protect, Jake's heart. "However we act, the last thing I want to do is compromise Jake hyung mental state with unneeded anxiety.”</p><p> </p><p>All these concerns are valid and regardless of the contents of this envelope, the weight remains. Unopened this letter is Schrödinger's box and this cat in blue wants to tear into it. Jay knows the curiosity, the motivation and the gamble that draws Jungwon to read this. He knows this because he knows this cat so well. He also knows that those protective instincts and automatic reflexes can potentially harm himself and maybe others. Despite his noble innocence and notable intelligence, this cat is not immune to misjudging distance of a jump.</p><p> </p><p>So how should Jay approach his favorite cat, this curious companion? How should they proceed?</p><p> </p><p>Calmly he asks, “Wonie, where did you find this?” he waves the envelope in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s calmed down, slightly distracted, “Mailroom at work. I snuck in,” he notices the ring on Jay’s thumb, a <em><a href="https://www.cartier.com/en-us/collections/jewelry/rings/love/b4084900-love-ring.html">Cartier LOVE</a></em>. He recognizes having seen it worn by other artists. He wonders if it's a classic. “Found it there in a pile labeled ‘SASAENG’.“</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s hand holding up the letter drops with a dead weight on Jungwon’s lap. “I have never been more disappointed with such a straightforward response.” This answer is key.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy continues, “The pile was by a bin of burnable trash. The bin was literally labeled ‘BURNABLE TRASH’ just like the box for sasaeng.” He absently takes Jay’s hand with the ring and starts rotating platinum, “They probably purge periodically. I don’t know.” He thinks it’s interesting how the pattern repeats all the way around. “I recognized Jake’s handwriting and thought it was creepy.” He thinks it looks like little screws on a cylinder.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Huh. That’s nice. This ring is nice.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“That is a little scary.” Jay grimaces, paying attention to his right hand with the letter. He flicks it over edge to edge, absently rotating it like a pen, “Sucks that’s a thing we need labeled piles and bins for.”</p><p> </p><p>Still admiring the ring, Yang-deo says nonchalant, “It’ll happen and that’s okay. That just comes with this life we chose,” he sputters a small chuckle and quotes in English with a borrowed accent, “This long drawn-out line that cuts across this vast land because the world carved us on that line.” He rolls the ring with his forefinger and thumb as he says this wistfully.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” Jay’s attention goes to his left hand, “What the hell? Have you been hanging out with Jake a lot more?”</p><p> </p><p>In English again he says, “He is my son.” Jungwon says glib, “You know I gotta spend quality time with my son.”</p><p> </p><p>“WHAT?!” Jay caws, unclearly mildly offended, “I am NOT that dog’s father.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” The young boy finds the implication amusing and mildly contests this point, “Debatable, but I meant that more in the way that when DadSeung retired as leader I inherited his sons.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, Wonie? That is not how that works!” Jay wraps his right arm across Jungwon’s chest, tucking his hand over his left shoulder, “That’s a little dehumanizing? That’s like considering Jake to be estate collateral… I mean, he <em>is</em> the dog? Wait…” He thinks about that meme and leans into it, “No, I’m wrong. You’re right. That logic works.” The letter makes its way smoothly into Jay’s inner coat pocket without ceremony, “Lo key, you’ve been borrowing a lot from his pool of garbage English. Are you playing favorites?”</p><p> </p><p>This is a tease, an intentional misdirection with roots in real emotion, a slight jealousy. Jay also knows English like that. Goddamnit, he’s an American.</p><p> </p><p>“How dare you suggest that!” Jungwon scoffs, mock offended. He saw that. All of that. “I love my team mates equally.” He appreciates that executive decision. “I have <em>no favorites.</em>” He tosses his head back, slides down in his seat to make upside-down eye contact with a glare.</p><p> </p><p>Expensive Jay shakes his head at this literal lap of luxury, “Yang Jungwon that is a bold-faced lie.” Cute. He thinks about trying something he doesn’t act on.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon licks his lips and smirks, “Yeah, you know it.” Cheeky. His hand goes up perpendicular to his chest with his palm facing Jay.</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes his head, expensively. Blonde curls swaying, heart shaped earring charm dangling, tongue in his teeth, losing the war on fluster. He takes that mid-level high five. He bites his lip but he keeps this a bro moment.</p><p> </p><p>Laying on Jay’s lap, the cat breathes a relieved sigh, “Jay-ah, thanks. Good call.” He closes his eyes and curls up cozy, “Treat me well in the closet later?”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy’s heart jumps to his throat, he tries to hide that sharp intake of air. He gives a soft laugh. With a softer gaze he runs his hand over fluffy black hair, “Of course, I will.” He takes advantage of those pretty eyes closed, unleashing his private freak out with dancing facial gestures. While he’s not watching, he’ll do his best to sound cool.</p><p> </p><p>“Would you like a treat now?” Jay tries hard and succeeds in succeeds in delivering a line with smoothness diametrically opposite to the face he’s making.</p><p> </p><p>“This is fine,” he curls up further into Jay’s lap, still with his eyes closed, “I don’t want to pop off in the backseat of a public vehicle. I’m not cheap,” he immediately fails to hold back a snorting giggle. “Pfft! Ooh boy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft!” That truth tickles Expensive Jay, “Obviously. I’m a man of class and sophistication.”</p><p> </p><p>Living for wordplay, Jungwon laughs into his lap. "Taste." a bit of humor and then a sigh, “I’m also... not fully in control of that part of me. Not yet.” There’s no joke in this line, just facts. “I need boundaries and I can’t mess up.” With a bittersweet smile he holds Jay’s right hand, “So, this <em>is</em> perfect. It does the job. It is enough.”</p><p> </p><p>“Alright.” Jay appreciates this honesty. “Later then.” Jay appreciates this pace. “But... same for me too.” Jay feels safe enough to take his time, be as raw and as honest as well, “That was my first kiss I gave, you know? First kisses of my life.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes fly open and pops upright in shock. A few centimeters closer and he would've knocked the teeth out of Jay's face. “NO. WHAT?!” He really can’t believe Jay just said that, “Are you serious?! Are you FUCKING WITH ME?!” He looks at Jay like a fetus doing calculus, “GET OUT. WHAT THE FUCK?!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay makes eye contact with the crime shoes on the floor board. Hands flat on his lap and a smirking grimace he says, “For real,” nodding his head in tiny with his eyebrows all the way up to his hairline, “I’m not kidding.”</p><p> </p><p>“GET OUT OF THIS CAR?!” Against COVID protocol Jungwon’s hands are over his mouth, touching his face, “ROLL OUT!” he is aghast, “HOW?!” He has now shoved himself all the way over the the far corner of the backseat in a fetal position. “THAT’S NOT RIGHT.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Jay is confused and amused, “Why?! What are you freaking out over?” He leans to his left, resting an elbow on his right leg with a hand behind his neck. He wants answers. He wants to know what worked well. “Come here.” He pats the seat cushion next to him, “Tell me how I did.” How the tables have turned, “Specifically.” Amusing.</p><p> </p><p>“UH.” The younger boy picks up his backpack and hug it for emotional support. He answers googly-eyed in a shaky monotone, “You were too good. End of story.” Slowly he looks at the window to his left and thinks about clawing out his way out. With a deadness and all caps energy he whisper screams to a distant cloud. “I NEED OUT OF THIS VEHICLE. NOW.”</p><p> </p><p>What a pleasant surprise. “I mean… to be fair,” Jay is beaming at this review. It fills him with confidence. “so were you.”</p><p> </p><p>“AAAAAARGH!” young Yang pours a scream in high pitched tiny right into his backpack, “Jay-ah, I cant talk about this right now. I CAN’T.” He throws his hands up, don’t shoot. “Later?” arms go limp and his mind burns, “Oh god, LATER?!” Sweater paws go over his heart, “Oh my god, my heart. I just felt it go yeeeeet,” he leans into the car door, clutching his backpack full of scream, “I think I hear a ringing in my ear. I smell toast. I smell a ringing in my ear?”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww,” cue wholesome head tilt with a not at all wholesome expression, “You dropped the hyung again. Cute.” Jay straightens up in his seat, crosses his arms and his legs left over right looking out the window, “I get that feeling. I feel that right now,” he nods at a dark distant cloud proudly like it just told him ‘ye boyyy.’ Proudly he wears a self-satisfied smile. “Sorry Wonie, I didn’t mean to be too much too soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon wonders how this is legal and why he feels like the victim of a crime. He looks into his bag of scream and sees the little eagle sticker on his folio of receipts.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Goddamnit. I’m acting like a little bitch. Be better.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Some people say wearing a ring on your thumb symbolizes a proclivity to gamble, some people say it means power, some attribute it to archers who use rings on their thumbs as protection, shit I’ve even seen some people say its a sign of the Illuminati lol. tbf I wouldn’t be surprised if Expensive Jongseong’s family was in the Illuminati </p><p>Speaking of Illuminati, dude it was hard not giving into my baser self in the car. I almost used a line from Beyonce’s Partition ugh, songs. Amirite? So tempting. Anyone who went there in your head, congrats, I went there too in my brain.</p><p>You_Murderer_BB.ttf is a real font. Its free! If you want something creepy and you're like me, a hoarder for fonts, check it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. It’s that noona.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon shares his good vibe crime. Jay investigates a crime of fashion.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>part B of the ride to the mall.<br/>I swear they get to the mall.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Outside the car, the view is still. Jungwon looks to the left with eyes out the window, deep in his head yet again. He thinks about himself, what he does and why. He wonders why some things to him are fun. He wonders more about those moments when terror peeks into that fun. It isn’t fear, it’s terror. There’s a difference in those words. While slight, it matters. Regardless, he faces both with his eyes open always. He’s not afraid, but he is terrified. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In this brief moment of pause, sat in the backseat of a luxury vehicle with his favorite luxury—his favorite accessory—at a red light on the city streets at sunset, he learns a little more about himself. It’s not new, not a quick hot tea but a fine cold brew. The way the words come together is the discovery.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Fun is good, although fun with Jay is better. However, things are at their </span> <span class="s2">best</span> <span class="s1"> when it gets TERRIFYINGLY FUN with Jay. When it hits that point, he loses himself. That’s when he feels the need to run. He’s afraid of terrifyingly fun. It’s why he grasps for power to control what factors into that fear.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It’s a paradox of craving. The spontaneity he desires exists in that terrifying fun, but to get there and stay there he has to relinquish control or else he runs.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">An old thought emerges. A foreign line that agitates, that he hears in his mind spoken in a familiar voice in soothing velvet Australian. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">Why do we desire what we cannot acquire? </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’s thought these words before without irony. He gets it now. The unattainable is easy. Hurt from a lack of reciprocation is easy. Pain is passive. Passive is easy. The borders around what you can’t have are well defined. It’s something that’s Not Yours and Not Yours is well defined. Easily you can walk that line. It sucks, it hurts but it’s easy—especially for him. He has no issue taking in what sucks, taking on what hurts, lifting that weight and walking on. That’s what makes him seem so well-adjusted, so even tempered, so emotionally stable. It’s why he was chosen to wield this power in the first place.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">So what’s changed now? Why does he find himself running when he’s finally been let in? When what he’s wanted to take gives back and when what he chose chooses him? Why is that terrifying? Why is it fun? Why does that delicious balance, that combination of both cause him to run? </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The car starts moving. The light is green again. Evening shadows fall and the sun continues to set. The storm beneath his skin subsides. Time moves forward. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We’re almost there, don’t worry,” Jay cuts through the silence with passive assurance, “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable so I’ll stay on my side til the end of the ride,” he says quietly and so kindly like he means it because he does.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon’s eyes veer right to Jay with his legs crossed. Headlights of a passing car from moving traffic throw him a quick halo, stray lumens bouncing off fluffy blonde. Should he keep these questions to himself? Perhaps they’re not for him to answer alone. He catches Jay look down at his father’s watch.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That timepiece means so much to Jay. For some reason Jungwon thinks of his paternal figures. He thinks of one in particular, the one he’s most alike, the one he wants to protect and the one he wants be the most like. The one Jay… and the thought stops there. Suddenly he thinks about the parts of him, of Lee Heeseung his hyung father that frustrates. The part of that runs from what’s already his, this part of his hyung father that hurts everyone. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In that moment, Yang Jungwon learns a life lesson and resolves to be better than his elders.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Closing his eyes, he breathes deep and counts backwards from ten. At the count of one, he opens his eyes, gaze fixed on the gradients of the sky in sunset and he’s back again. He breathes out, rolls his neck, flexes his shoulders back and stretches. At the end of a sharp exhale he extends an invitation.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, don’t do that.” Confident, he talks to the older boy while he takes two slips of paper sandwiched between the pages of a notebook in his bag. “Come scoot over. I still have the good news crime. It’ll be short, promise.” Smiling, he pats the seat cushion next to him on his right.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh?” Jay looks over, pleasantly surprised again. “You sure? What about what you said earlier?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I’m not usually extra but when I’m extra, I’m hella,” the younger boy says with a laugh as he sets his backpack on the floorboard, slipping on his crime shoes, “Sorry it that freaked you out, Jay hyung. I’m not that delicate, but sometimes I’m a mess.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay’s mouth goes small, his head tilts and he hesitates. He hears the ‘hyung’ and reads too deep into what that could mean. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">To Jungwon it means nothing, just a word to honor the two years between them and an acknowledgment that there are things Jay knows much better. With a big, wide closed-lipped grin Jungwon offers active reassurance by throwing his arms out, inviting a hug.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“D’AWW! JUNGWONIE! AWWW!” blonde head tilts left, throws back then tilts right and then tilts left again, “Aww, okay. Yeah! Let me in there.” Jay slides over, diving into Jungwon’s torso with arms outstretched as well, laying forward across the whole seat with his feet up on the leather. He would’ve probably kicked off his shoes but who’s got time to undo combat boot laces?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re silly. I like silly.” Jungwon playfully drapes his right arm over the older blonde’s back, “Sorry if I tease too much.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay looks up to protest, but before he can speak he’s met with a quick peck on the forehead that immediately sets him back down to timidly hide in the younger boy’s chest. That was the fastest he’s gone from riled up to flustered in his life.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You’re just as dumb about this as I am with this stuff, which is better than the global average for rookies but still dumb.” Jungwon leans his head down to set his cheek on that blonde crown. <em>Tom Ford</em> is fading away and Jay smells more like everyday. He likes that. “We’re excellent with everything we do. We’re just great like that. Let keep going. We’ll do well but it’s not fair to either of us if we forget that we’re still rookies.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We are dummies. Rookie dummies. This is true.” Jay sighs gravely into that power blue sweater, “We’d be fired so quick if the wrong people saw us being rookie dummies.” He adjusts his arms to hug beneath that large puffy coat.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Yeah, no shit.” The younger boy scoffs, resting his elbow on his hyung’s back, ruffling his own hair in mild embarrassment, “We were pretty bad though. In a </span> <span class="s2"><em>wholesome</em></span> <span class="s1"> way. Pfft!” </span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, we were WAY way the fuck out there. Like OUT out.” He laughs into sweater fabric and settles on his dongsaeng’s lap, “Good on us, but terrible behavior for professional idols. Or career professionals in general.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon laughs, looking at the two slips of paper in his left hand, “Speaking of other rookie dummies. Ready for my good vibe crime?” He gives two pats on blonde and adjusts his right arm, “Flip over, these props are kinda delicate.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Following instruction, Jay complies and leans into his dongsaeng’s chest, “Letchugo! OH. Oh wow,” he is immediately confronted with two stunning photographs of two of the most stunning people he knows. Its stunning and he’s stunned. As fuck he is stunned, it’s offensive. “Holy shit. Wow. These are fucking gorgeous. And… kinda hot?” He takes both photographs in his hands to examine closer. “I’ve never seen these shots before.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon with his arm still around Jay’s chest takes his hands back and starts cracking his fingers, “You’re looking at crime number one of the day, the thing that got me going,” he cracks his knuckles down, “down this spree and off the deep end, emotionally. I took that from—”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“—the noona you side-eye?” Jay gets it right the first time, again. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The strangest thing happens. Another wave of emotion washes over Jay. The more he looks the more confused he seems to feel, like a slow rising discomfort. Not disgust, he loves these two. Maybe that’s why he feels this. That maybe this scene wasn’t meant for him to see. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How… How are Heeseungie Hyung and Sunghoon-ah doing this? They’re not even touching but…” Unsure of this thoughts, he adjusts his glasses. “Why do I feel like a creep for looking? Like I’m invading their privacy?” He sets the pictures face down on his chest and with a confused look asks, “What is this? Why does the feeling keep growing?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">These photos —outtakes from DAWN and DUSK— are so moving, they imprint a disarming array of emotion. They are incredible, and they are by every definition the highest Art. It’s something ENGENE would appreciate, something they would love to have in their life but it’s different for Jungwon and Jay who already know who these two are in <em>real</em> life. They know this is REAL, that those loaded expressions —longing, hope, fear, appreciation and affection— they know that’s not an act and that they don’t have to practice to show that. Living with them, being on the sidelines watching that relationship grow, caring about them together and individually, knowing how deep those pained looks go. Had they walked into these moments in their daily life, they would back away. Give them space. If they could, close the door. This captured on paper leaves them with a strange taste. That’s their family and this intensity between them on paper feels too intimate for either of them to casually observe. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“YEP.” Jungwon nods with a blank expression, looking straight into the part of Jay’s hair, “I mean they are pretty.” He knows that feeling Jay has right now. “Really really pretty.” He doesn’t want to relive that confusion. “Disturbingly pretty.” Those are his work parents. “On impulse I did crime to override the emotional turmoil it left me with. I didn’t want to feel that anymore. Like legit, I think I looked at those for half an hour and I feel fucked up? It was a domino effect of feeling like… ugh!” He shivers at the thought of his own unease.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“This vibe is wow!” Jay takes off his glasses and turns around to look right at his companion, “They look like they’re seconds away from— but it’s <em>wholesome?</em> I don’t understand how I’m feeling this when its all so above board,” there’s horror in his eyes, but also a mad respect and a smile? He can’t continue the thought, it feels disrespectful especially because it is so beautiful, “Like… why am I thinking about my dad now? And weird memories…? Really heavy but delicate memories?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“YEAH.” Sheep Garden looks right into Jay’s eyes, wide. “I know.” He can’t stop nodding, “Like, they’re gorgeous?” He nods like it’s a nervous tick, “Like </span> <span class="s2">unnervingly</span> <span class="s1"> gorgeous,” he grimaces, trying to smile. “I mean, I’ve heard about these existing, but I…” his head slowly rotates and his eye starts to twitch, “I didn’t think it was that… powerful? Like a psychic photograph?!” He tries to smile but his lips keep wobbling, “I feel like that’s the wrong term? But I feel assaulted and I know that feeling in real life!”</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh my. You okay Wonie?” Hyung sits up straight to give a consoling hug, “Oh no, poor you” he grabs the back of dongsaeng’s head and holds him to his chest, “Don’t look anymore, I still need a few more minutes with them, but you keep your eyes away.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon leans in, unblinking, lips trembling, processing feelings he doesn’t have words for yet.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Jay holds the photos in his right hand a stiff arms length away, “They’re like pictures seconds before a car crash. I don’t want to look, but I can’t look away. </span> <span class="s2">How</span> <span class="s1"> do I look away? Why does it keep feeling disrespectful to look away?” He blinks hard and he searches his mind for a reason for this reaction, “I don’t understand this! On a technical level, I don’t understand this! </span> <span class="s2">How</span> <span class="s1"> are they doing that from so far from each other? These would get an E for Everyone rating and that is SO morally questionable.” These pictures are haunting, “It’s like hard AND soft,” and deliriously fascinating, “like semi-hard cheese?” </span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Like that <em>White Stilton Gold?”</em> Jungwon asks in the hug with a very small voice, not entirely sure what he’s referencing. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“It IS! Wait, is it?” Jay’s grip on Jungwon’s head gets tighter, “but not in a positive or negative way.” He doesn’t notice that his grip is shaking. “It’s SO extra like <em>White Stilton Gold</em>… and its really really good but it feels wrong to have it? It’s like eating <em>White Stilton Gold</em> and thinking about poverty.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay refers to the uncomfortable knowledge of indulging in a cheese, an expensive cheese, that’s made with real gold. It is a very extra and very special experience, emotionally.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How is this even possible?” Inside Jay is a storm of confusion.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I KNOW.” Jungwon looks like he’s been possessed by the photographs too but in a different way, “I mean I’m proud to know them, because that’s fucking SKILL.” with determination in his voice and another eye twitch he says, “I wanna know how to do that. I need that masterclass. I want that lethality. I need that power.” He says that last line with a chill.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Jungwonie, I…” that thought sends a shiver down Jay’s spine. “I can barely hold it together with you being this cute, I cannot imagine the motor skills I’d lose if you had this power.” What he imagines terrifies him. He smiles.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dongsaeng looks up, shoots two finger guns and a knowing glance, “If I learn that power you’d have to take that masterclass along with me, hyung.” He his eyebrows and his shoulders dance up and down, “Those powers need a dual wield.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“My God. We would be NUCLEAR.” Jay gasps, mouth going slack in awe of that potential, “Can you imagine?” he looks up and into the left of the cabin of this Benz. “Oh... I’m already imagining it,” he has to bite his lip and not make eye contact for a while, “It’s pretty hot, not gonna lie.” He nods, already impressed with themselves.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay sets the photos on the seat cushion face down just in case it was capable of seeing into his visualization. One of them is trusted hyung and a former crush, the other is his best <em>actual</em> friend who also happens to be kryptonite to his libido. Both of them are hyung fathers to half of what he imagines. They don’t need to see that. Something must’ve gotten scrambled in his brain looking at those photos because this logic barely adds up, but it makes perfect sense to him.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Like Sunoo, Jay is blessed. He is a creative individual blessed with the curse of a vivid imagination. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Let’s wait til we get a little older to try that because, my god! The social responsibility of that. If we could do that now we’d be kids with guns!?” Jungwon shudders again, now at the weight of that burden, “Do they </span> <span class="s2">know</span> <span class="s1"> that they’re teenage Oppenheimers? Is that even safe? Those looks! Beautiful, yes, but what an emotional bombshell! This is capable of mass annihilation, emotionally!” Just the memory of the photos send another shockwave of feeling through him. The energy in those images are just that explosive. “They’re like a big bag of stray knives. Fascinating, heavy and kinda hurts to carry.”</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“This is the second time today you’ve compared something to a bag of stray knives,” finally, Jay is </span> <em><span class="s2">actually</span></em> <span class="s1"> disturbed by something he’s heard from his dongsaeng, “Jungwonie, did you have an okay childhood? Are these terrible metaphors or life experiences?” He imagines a little aegi Yang Jungwonie playing with a bag of knives.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Defensive, young Yang backs out of the hug to advocate for his childhood, “Hey. Ease up on kid me, hyung. You don’t know! I was young and dumb and full of bright-eyed ambition. Maybe I was a little too optimistic—but that’s that’s all in the past!” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“YOU ARE SIXTEEN IN EARTH YEARS?!” Jay grabs him by the shoulders and wobbles him back and forth.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“Like you knew shit when you were Korean seven?! </span> <span class="s2"><em>(EJS:</em> <em>“WHAT?!”)</em></span> <span class="s1"> Don’t you dare judge my youth.” Jungwon sighs fondly at a memory he won’t share for a few more years. “Oh but what fun…” </span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Hyung grabs the back of Yang Garden’s head again and smashes his face onto to his silk shirt, administering nurturing back rubs, “Wonie bee, we’ll get you in therapy. I promise. Shhh…” he whispers with a smile. A smile?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Confusingly delighted and laughing, Jungwon tears his head away from that grasp to make a point. A serious point, “Look, the photos themselves aren’t what bother me,” but then he takes a quick detour on the way to his conversational point B, “… I mean I am freaked out by how many emotions I go through the more I stare at it. Its EERIE and </span> <span class="s2">maybe</span> <span class="s1"> I’m worried they might be haunted?” at that line he flinches and hugs himself reflexively.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then he gets back on track, “It’s that noona. Side-eye noona freaks me out,” he’s suspected her before for no other reason than not passing his vibe check. “It kinda fucks me up how she has these and how many printed duplicates she has.” To him, this incident is bias confirmation.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whaaaaaaat.” That gets Jay’s attention away from Jungwon’s questionable personal reveals, “How did you get these anyway?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Told you earlier, she left me in the waiting room with her stuff. I was just looking for an outlet to charge my phone and there was one behind the chair where she had her bag. I had to move the seat a bit to get plugged in and the bag it toppled over,” with his hands holding an imaginary sack he mimes the action of said bag falling sideways, “A bunch of these poured out of a paper envelope.” Jungwon takes the photos from the seat next to Jay and slips them back between the pages of his notebook. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">With a huff he continues, “I couldn’t stop looking at first.” He returns the notebook back into his bag and his neutral expression turns to bitter disgust, “Next thing I knew I took them, because why not? Fuck her for having these AND so many. It’s not right!” He shakes his head fluffy, looking low and to the left with furrowed brows, “If you’ve never seen these and I haven’t seen them then I’m sure Heeseungie hyung and Sunghoonie hyung haven’t either. These photos are LETHAL and if anyone should have them, it’s them.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I don’t like them being exploited like that, not when they’re so scared to be real with each other. There’s no benefit to them. They don’t let themselves have what’s already happening. They can’t stop it. It’s all over these photos! You don’t get that vibe unless you’re terribly hard <em>AND</em> ridiculously soft for each other. They suffer and for what? They’re shit at hiding it!” He’s overwhelmed with so much compassion for these people he cares about deeply. It weighs on him, this desire he has for Heeseung and Sunghoon to be happy. “Jay-ah, it’s just not right.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He runs both his hands through his hair, stressed, “Then I thought about that noona. What if she’s a nerd about how many of these she has? What if there were exactly fifty of each or some round number like that and suddenly she’s lost one of each? Would she look at me? Why the hell does she have these even? Why don’t they just put them out as official merch?” Jungwon leans forward in his seat with his head in his hands.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay pats Jungwon’s back hunched over in the cabin. He cares so much for this boy who cares so much about others. Clearly, he’s holding on to too much. He has to help him let some of this baggage go.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">With a series of careful touches he’ll pry those fingers loose from holding what he can’t carry alone. He can show him that it’s alright to things to fall, have a little faith in gravity. Trust the process. He won’t say that things are going to be alright, that caring is enough, that he should let go of the what he sees coming over the horizon. Those traits of this young boy are invaluable, but sometimes they’re too heavy for single person to bear. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay’s role is help Jungwon focus on what he can do <em>in</em> and <em>with</em> his own life. Sometimes the kid needs to give himself permission to live. When Yang Jungwon’s palm start to itch with the urge to grip what he shouldn’t grasp, that’s when Park Jay comes in. He’ll slip his own hand in his before those fingers curl up to seize that burden. Jay offers himself, a hand. To hold, to squeeze, emotionally. Sometimes literally. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Hyung combs through the tension with something light, “What kind of bag was it?” He asks with a lazy tug on dongsaeng’s right sleeve. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon notices that tug, “I don’t know,” he sits up, resting shoulder to shoulder with his hyung, “Maybe a leather tote?” wearing a small pout his head lilts right, disinterested in the topic. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay nods, casually running his left hand through his hair, “Any zippers?” his elbow goes far back still idly combing through blonde, “Buckles?” lowering his arm he looks out the window to his right, “Magnetic snap enclosures?” and his arm ends up hung around Jungwon’s neck. “Anything like that?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He asks these questions so off-hand and with a topic so beyond anything remotely interesting to the younger boy. He pulls his attention away to lead him closer.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It works. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“For real?” Jungwon turns his head if only to make eye contact as he admonishes his hyung, “I get you’re into fashion,” Jay doesn’t look over, he just keeps his eyes out the window. “and those are interesting details to you but,” So he leans his body in to force him to see his displeasure, “if you start asking me what brand it is I’m gonna—” He is really not happy with how far he has to lean to get Jay to see his irritation.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally Jay looks, “Wonie,” he moves a little to the left, “I’m gauging your liability in case you’re caught,” his right hand pats the boy on the chest of his sweater in an supportive way, “You make fun of this all you want,” he leans back into his seat, “but the brand or just details in general would be helpful,” Truthfully, he’s serious about this line of questioning. Jay is invested in these details for more than just fashion.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon sits back down with a huff, “I don’t fucking know?” he’s a little upset with this, but he plays along. He looks out the window to his left, “All I can say was that it was a big slouchy open leather tote.” Before he knows it, he’s laid his cheek Jay’s forearm.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Hyung continues laying this thread. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay sets his left arm down on the seat, “What color was it?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The cat hisses, “Are you serious?” appalled.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay pops his head forward whips his head extremely close but dramatic eye contact, “Am I blonde right now?!” He did that with a force to accentuate that yes, he is blonde right now, “I’m serious,” also a classic act of misdirection, “Feed me details,” his left arm wraps around his the young boy’s waist, “this is important.” and he takes his right arm down from beneath that face, “I know fashion shit.” His tone is that of a man overqualified for his position.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon’s eyes narrow turning to the face next to his, “What is happening to you Jay hyung?!” He’s focused on the excessive amount of passion in that line’s delivery.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay’s right hand comes down with an airy pat, “Now get cozy between my lap and tell me more about this bag,” on Jungwon’s right thigh between his own legs.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dongsaeng yelps a “WHAT?!” That airy pat caught him off guard. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wonie, you’re right here.” Jay nods his head right beside Jungwon’s head, “In my arms,” his arms cross over the boy’s chest, “between my legs,” he taps those crime shoes with the heel of his left boot, “You may as well get cozy.” and he rests his chin on the shoulder in front of him.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wait.” The young boy just realizes how he’s seated, “When did I get here?!” That’s just how at ease they are with each other, “How did this happen?” He doesn’t have a problem with it, he would just like to know <em>WHEN</em> this occurred. “I mean, this is so much more comfortable but—” last thing he remembered was having his head in his hands on the left side of the cabin.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shh.” Jay tilts both their heads left, “Fucking trust me and get back to talking about the bag.” He’s not done sewing these pieces together, “What color was it?” He’s so laidback with these questions.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Okay?” Jungwon looks up trying to remember, “Black. I think?” his head stays rested back, leaning right into his hyung’s head.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hmm.” Jay rolls his eyes. “Basic.” He needs more than that. “How about the inside the bag?” His hands droop down, making contact with the sweater but his thumbs drag. Intentionally?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“</span><em><span class="s2">In</span></em> <span class="s1"> the bag?” Sheep Garden repeats with a puzzled look, “That’s a dumb ask!” He looks down at his crime shoes like they might remember, “How the fuck am I supposed to kno— oh?” suddenly he sees the bag in his mind, “It was red.” He sounds a little disoriented, “Kinda weird that it was red on the inside, but it was red.” He’s fuzzy like his hair, wondering if looking at his crime shoes helped.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay is satisfied with that detail. “Alright, we’re getting somewhere.” That detail is key to narrowing down this line of inquiry, but he anticipates some resistance with the next line, “What about the straps on the tote?” he snuggles a little tighter with his arms, opposing hands on either side of the boy’s waist.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What?!” Jungwon jerks his head around to looking at a loss at the face next to his, “Jay hyung, you’re killing me!” he grips Jay’s knee like a luxurious armrest, “Who cares about straps?” He grits his teeth pissed off and something else.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“I’m fucking serious, Wonie!” Jay caws in his animated indoor scream, gripping by the belt loop to with an exaggerated shake, “I need that data to suss out your liability!” He might be having trouble trying not to laugh right now. Jay feels evil. He’s cool with that.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Frustrated, Jungwon takes a sharp breath out snapping his head forward to look at crime shoes again, “Fine!” That was a scoff. A scoff! He closes his eyes, actually trying to remember, “Um…” he rolls his head further left, because? “They were thin and they kinda had the same red and black theme going?” Oh there it is. There’s that memory.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay has a good guess now, but he needs one more detail to be absolutely sure. He thinks about what he’s been doing and then he decides nah. This is okay. This one’s for Art AND Science. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In the silence of the vehicle his lips part with a sound and he says four words, “Did they have studs?” He enunciates a little too clearly and with too much intention. For no reason. Someone’s been watching ASMR videos. Clearly.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The younger boy squeaks a shaken, “What the—?!” His shoulders go up in a horrified full-body cringe.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Not like earring studs,” Jay says at a regular volume, “like pointy punk clothing studs.” So easygoing, this talk about a fashion accessory.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Poor boy’s eyes are watering, he hasn’t blinked, “Oh my god.” He’s amused and horrified but he talks in such a dead tone that changes to a whisper scream, “I want to scream.” and it changes to a higher pitched whisper scream. “At you!!” He gives up trying to contain his lack of composure with a defeated actual scream, “I DON’T KNOW?!”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay tries so hard not to laugh and he hides it with an equally flat whisper, “Please,” so he comes in closer, “Wonie,” strands of blonde graze the boy’s neck, “Wonie bee?” he pours that in his ear, “Boss?” He’s gotta stop because he might break into a laugh right into this boy’s eardrum. That would be rude.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon’s torso is at a 10 degree angle from the seat. His eyes are so wide right now, “Don’t say that in my ear?!” But he’s smiling, “Yet?” Thank god for core strength. “UuuuugH!” He wants to laugh too, but he actually does remember that detail now, so he leans on his left elbow over Jay’s thigh and answers with his regular voice, “Actually, now that I think about it yes. They did but only at the strap bag part. Like it looped?” With his right hand he draws an upside-down tear drop. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The minute that air drawing is done he freezes in realization, “Wait.” Using his left elbow he props himself up,“Why do I remember that?” and grabs Jay by the overcoat collar with his right hand, “Why are you doing this to me?” He screams, “What ARE you doing to me??!”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">With the toothiest grin and an arm around Jungwon’s waist he gives a knowing look, “Ooooh,”because he knows something for sure now, “I know that bag.” He sets his dongsaeng upright and sits him on his knee.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Boss Yang will not let go of that collar, “Of fucking course you do?! What does this have to do with my crime?!” He grabs the other collar and shakes with a screaming.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Pleased with himself, Jay crinkles his nose, “She’s an idiot and you’re in the clear,” he nods, adjusting his glasses for the flair of the gesture. He’s about to jump into one of his fashion based a mini-TED Talks. Giving a light push on Jungwon’s chest, the kid falls back into plush leather with his legs draped over Jay’s left thigh. He has no idea what’s about to happen.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Jay keeps a hand on the frame of his glasses because its looks cool and he begins with his eyes forward, “I don’t know what kind of human leaves a full-sized </span> <a href="http://us.christianlouboutin.com/us_en/shop/handbags/cabata-tote-bag.html"><em><span class="s2">Christian Louboutin Cabata</span></em></a> <span class="s1"> in a room alone AND expect safety or privacy.” He leans back into his seat, tucking his arm under the elbow still touching his glasses, “Its a pretty bag, but it’s the kind you keep on your person coz that shit’s trigger-snap enclosure is a joke.” His eyebrow lifts at that, and the hand on his glasses move to thumb his chin, “That lady’s gonna get robbed.You could’ve and you probably should’ve robbed her.” He says the last sentence looking right at Jungwon with a loathing in his voice, “Plus, what the fuck is she doing using a </span> <em><span class="s2">Louboutin</span></em> <span class="s1"> as a work bag? The disrespect. I pity that bag.” He clicks his tongue, shaking his head. In his mind this noona has committed a crime of fashion.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">What started as a scandalized look at the beginning of that monologue is now a stupefied smile. Jungwon’s eyebrows still communicate bewilderment but he’s impressed. “I have no clue what you just said, but I chose to take this as a positive.” Despite a lack of understanding of ANY of what he heard, the energy directed him and Jay’s dismay at this bag’s quality of life send across a feeling of relief. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“You’re cool Wonie, I’ve seen side-eye noona’s bag usage habits and I side-eye the shit out of her bag usage habits.” Jay pats him twice on the back to reinforce that positivity, “She stuffs that shit and that poor </span> <em><span class="s2">Cabata’s</span></em> <span class="s1">pretty much just an expensive sack. That’s inappropriate!” He has so much empathy for that carry-all, “She’s an idiot. Everything of value could’ve fallen out of that bag with a slight gust of air. If that envelope wasn’t sealed you can’t be found as prying for seeing what spills out of that. Was the envelope sealed?”</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No, it wasn’t.” Jungwon looks up at Jay, clinging to his arm with so much joy in his eyes. “It was just a regular brown paper envelope cut open with a letter opener.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Huh. That’s curious.” Jay’s hand goes back up to his chin, thinking out loud, “Why and how she has so many copies of this shit is her deal. I’m sure if the big bosses found out she’d be in trouble too.” Casually, he crosses his leg over Jungwon’s legs over his leg and continues, “You know, lo key they <em>live</em> for our flirtatious bullshit. It’s probably some office lady ‘pretty boy’s love photo exchange’ thing at the office. It’s not a big deal, happens all around the globe.” He says this like a fact he’s long since accepted because it IS a fact he’s had to accept not that long ago. Like maybe a few days ago.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“My dad’s caught a few of those going around his work with </span> <em><span class="s2">our</span></em> <span class="s1"> photos.” the vehicle takes a turn a little quickly and they slide in the seat a few centimeters to the left but Jay pays no mind. He just goes on. He tells a story and imitates his father with a lower but still screaming voice and one-handed motions, “He got so livid, he was like, ‘The fuck!? Ladies, that’s MY SON! Right under my nose? In this office? Shame.’” Jay takes a beat to chuckle at his own impression.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Enraptured at this story, Jungwon listens with a giant smile on his face, hugging Jay’s left arm with both limbs. He feels so much better talking this out with Jay. Knowing how much more fucked up people are than he initially thought possible gives him so much peace of mind. He feels normal.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Aah, he almost fired their ring leader, but goddamnit she’s an excellent Human Resources Director. Oh, the irony. We’re severely underaged and sexualized. Not that they’re wrong, but have some decency? I mean, Lady. That’s your boss’s son and your boss’s son’s boss,” Jay looks down at Jungwon with an eye-smile and a wholesome grin and ruffles his hair with his right hand, “I’m literally talking about pictures of me and you.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Whaaaaat?” That disturbing detail flatters Boss Yang. He tilts his head, a silent ‘aww,’ “I mean,” his nose crinkles and he smirks, “Taste.” He throws up the okay gesture, “I’d ship us too.” He nods a lot, smiling ear to ear. “We look good together.” Dimples full-out smiling. So flattered by that.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Expensive Jay is also incredibly flattered by that objectification, “Right?” His head tilts too, another silent ‘aww,’ “You know.” He looks away, inhales deep and touches Jungwon’s hand on his arm, “You live that life,” he can’t look right now, he’s fancy cheesing, “Lo key I kind of live for it too?” He admits this with his tongue in his teeth, “It’s like… aww.” Tilt, “Like they see we like each other and they live. It’s sweet,” he tries to purse his lips to stop from smiling so much, but he can’t, “Still creepy, but also really sweet. But not in the office. Or to our faces.” That detail gets him to grimace. “Do that shit at home or behind a screen on the internet and buy our merch.” Suddenly his entrepreneurial heritage pops up in conversation and he leans into that energy, proud to be a child of commerce, “All the merch. Pay for that. Watch us touch each other and pay for that.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How are you so sheltered and so world-wise at the same time?” Jungwon is so enamored, he practically whispers that back-handed praise, “Jay-ah, you’re amazing.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Fancy Lad Jay dusts off his shoulder and does a sassy hair flip for good measure. He knows he’s amazing. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon is in awe of how much his mood’s changed thanks to his hyung’s insistence on conducting that sketchy interrogation about side-eye noona’s bag. He doesn’t know if he’s right, it doesn’t resolve his issues but he feels better and he gets to keep enjoying his day with his mind in the present with this vibrant yet crazy shade of Jay.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That’s really all he can do, and all that really matters. Its why he loves his time with Jay. He’s pulled into his present, his worries that won’t leave get set aside and he gets to live in his life as it is in the moment, in today.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay’s noticed the car’s stopped. He has a suggestion he’d like to offer. “Wonie, we should give those cursed images to your parent hyungs.” He pokes his the young boy on each dimple. Literally cheeky. “I think they’d like that. We can give them with our guilt gifts.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon gives Jay back his arm and stretches, ready to get out of the vehicle too. “That’s a good idea. I don’t want these in my life.” He picks his backpack up and starts slipping the straps over his padded coat sleeves, “By the way, they’re your parent hyungs too.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Debatable.” Jay says disapprovingly, adjusting the collar of his suit and overcoat, “By marriage, maybe—WOAH!”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The right side passenger door opens courtesy of the driver of the vehicle, just doing his job being polite. They have arrived at point B, the <em>Galleria Luxury Hall</em>. For a second Jay thinks about pulling the door shut and throwing a few more hundred thousand KR₩ at the driver having seen Jungwon turn into a blur for a split second about to rush him again. He looks right at the younger boy, adjusting the straps of his backpack getting ready to walk out too. Those cat-like reflexes stopped right on time right and he just looks slightly pink in the face. Jungwon reads that look on Jay. With his eyebrows up, he smirks and shakes his head, gets up and intentionally elbows Jay when he walks past him seated on his way out the door.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay bites his lip and turns to exit the vehicle, quietly laughing to himself. Ah, they’ll make each other wait. It’s more fun this way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Eyyy... Today's my one month fic-a-versaryyyy. On this day a month ago I started writing Spa Day 2020. Been writing everyday ever since 🥺</p><p>Thanks to everyone who's stopped by to read any of my stories. I love this hobby, feel like its done my mental health wonders, lol believe it or not. Like, I drink water, brush my teeth and floss more often. I'm also hyper aware of COVID mask use now and whenever I touch my face in public. All these healthy WHOLESOME habits.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. ‘thirst’</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jay &amp; Jungwon walk around the mall. They talk about drinking water.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>To anyone with a preference for specific brands of bottled water, I mean no disrespect. I believe that everyone who choses that life should be free to express their opinions. I just thought this would be funny.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The time is 6:45 in the evening.</p><p> </p><p>The boys on their Day Out find themselves strolling the first floor a fancy mall, the <em>Galleria Luxury Hall,</em> to shop for guilt gifts. They knock out their first order of business: Crime Shoe Disposal. Said shoes are somewhere in one of the many non-descript trash bins and have been replaced with a sleek pair of black classic <em>Converse Chuck Taylors</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Jay would’ve preferred something <em>Balmain</em> or <em>Balenciaga</em> or at least shoes that cost more than the cab fare plus tip, but the younger boy refused to budge. To cut this fashion debacle short Jungwon crafted an effective argument to appeal to Jay’s rationale. He presented the moderately priced sneakers as a must-have fashion staple, a fact the older boy could not dispute and leaving him no choice but to relent.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon isn’t as far fashion forward as his hyung, but he’s an idol and knows enough. He chose a brand and a style that was easy to find, not that expensive and does the job. This winning strategy turns this potential point of contention between Fancy Lad and Pragmatic Boss to a smooth ten minutes from pitch to resolution. The mall closes at 8:30, they don’t have time for too much more of their bullshit, especially with the weight of their greater mission.</p><p> </p><p>Boss Yang pieced together this plan throughout the ride in the Benz, running that program in the background beneath layers of cuddles, crime shares, contentious feelings and a photographic concussion. Problem solving is his strong suit and this ability to mentally multi-task with excellence is why he’s the best.</p><p> </p><p>Still, Jay can’t help but get distracted. Lucky that one of them doesn’t back down from goals or they’d never get anywhere shopping for souvenirs.</p><p> </p><p>After failing to convince his dongsaeng to stop at a few stores Jay settles down with a vague, “How’re you feeling now?” leading the conversation somewhere he desperately needs it to go.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m better,” Jungwon says, feeling so much more at peace, “How about you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Better too but,” Jay really needs this conversation to happen, “I’m probably going to feel like garbage in a few,” his discomfort is a wave that manifests as a spontaneous body roll.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up? How so?” Concerned, the younger boy walks closer. He wonders if his hyung means this sentiment emotionally.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh…” a deep sigh behind a Black Mask, “I could be wrong but…” another belabored sigh, “maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have started drinking at 9:45 in the morning.” This sentiment is 100% physical though. On a cellular level sort of physical.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not wrong. That’s just science.” baby Blue Mask’s wears a grimace that reaches his eyes, “You ARE gonna feel like shit. Have you had any water today?”</p><p> </p><p>“HA! Hell no.” Jay has a literally dry laugh, “Aaah and you told me to order myself a short mango juice too,” he blinks with a dryness, “Jungwonie, I really need some water. Please help me look for some.” this boy is parched, like bleached hair with the wrong shampoo. The thirst is real. Actually, factually real.</p><p> </p><p>“Will do. Lets get you hydrated,” he starts walking toward a vending machine. Thinking further, since the hotel stairwell his hyung has come off with a thirstier vibe. He holds in a laugh at this multifaceted truth.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re holding back a joke! I can feel it.” Some part of Jay that <em>used</em> to be unacknowledged really wants to hear that dumb joke, “Say it!”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon stops walking, looks right at the older boy to his right and does his best to convey disappointment in jest, “Well, thats not fun. You know where I’d be going with that pun, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I’m pretty sure. I am pretty and I’m sure.” Jay with his hands in his coat pockets raises his shoulders. He just wants to be told he’s thirsty so he can say ‘pfft’ and move on.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s not make subtext text then,” young Yang gives a leer. He’s not gonna budge. He lives for the joke unsaid. He makes a mental note to not use the word ‘thirsty’ to get a rise out of Jay. “Use that vivid imagination,” he clicks his tongue, “Plus we have to get started guilt gift shopping. We can hang that up for later.”</p><p> </p><p>A game begins, a drought on words with the root word ‘thirst.’ Loser is whoever says ‘thirst’ or ‘thirsty’ first. Winner gets to say ‘HA!’</p><p> </p><p>Sometime later Jungwon will look back on this conversation and feel guilty about it. If he just called Jay thirsty, would they have continued to the vending machine to grab water? Possibly. For this, he’ll suffer consequences as well. He’ll come away with this experience learning to never hold back on a joke, however dumb, ever again. As well, he will develop a newfound appreciation for hydration in general.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s fair,” Jay says, completely forgetting about being physically thirsty and leans into its other meaning like a dummy, “We have a huge closet for that at home.” Also he was just instructed by his boss to use his imagination. He must comply.</p><p> </p><p>SMH. These teens.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d like that,” smart as he is, Jungwon also forgets this is about drinking water because same energy. Feline predator instincts aside, he remains laser (pointer) focused on the task at hand. “I do want make the most of shopping with you though. You’re not talking as much today and… I miss your bullshit,” with his hands on his backpack straps elbows his hyung, “I realized that when you went off on that bag in the car. I’d like more of that today. So… talk shopping and fashion and other random shit like you usually do?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s head tilts, “Aww.” Looking away, he steps closer and elbows him back, hands in his pockets.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! Hyung, what happened to you?” he laughs with his hand over his blue mask, a redundant habit, “Why do you keep doing that with your head today?”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t fucking help it!” Hyung whips his head back around to look at his companion, “It just happens and I don’t like this for myself either!” Expensive Jay gets extra, staggers to his dongsaeng and links an arm, dramatic. “You’re just too cute today! Wonie, ugh!”</p><p> </p><p>Flattered, Jungwon tilts his head. “Aww!” He also tilts his entire torso, yanking Jay’s arm.</p><p> </p><p>Jay lurches left at with the force of the tilt, “You are mocking me!” He caws, mock offended unhooking his arm from his dongsaeng.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Like a bird, I am.” Dongsaeng says cooly, eyes smiling, “Like the bird you are. Mocking.” He enunciates the last word too clearly, eyebrows up, pulling down his mask for a quick second to stick out his tongue through his teeth in teeny tiny.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what?” Jay liked that, but it’s more fun to fight. “Save that shit,” oh but he really liked that, however he must keep protesting. “I’ll get you back.” he touches the back of his own neck and tries to shake a thought. Cooler heads prevail. “Go back to bottling that back up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft! Bet.” Jungwon rolls his eyes, smiling behind his mask. That comment does remind him of Jay’s liquid deficit, “Oh, right. Let’s get you that water.”</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s stop there,” the blonde points at a distant cafe kiosk, “we buy us a fancy water.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whaaaaat?” Sheep Garden reacts to the concept of fancy water. “What, is that like <em>White Stilton Gold </em>water?” He references the brand without knowing what those words really mean.</p><p> </p><p>Jay pretends to gag, “Don’t suggest cheese water when I’m in this state!” He shudders at the thought.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon blinks, “When did I say cheese water?” Sincerely, he thinks Jay’s special cheese brand is just a fuzzy blanket term for fancy.</p><p> </p><p>Jay <em>actually</em> almost gags, “You keep saying it! Stop!” Poor guy’s at the mercy of his cripplingly vibrant imagination. “No, I just meant a <em>Volvic</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow.” Jungwon’s dead voice comes back to life, “You’re so fancy that you have a preference for water. Whee.” This onomatopoeia for fun has never sounded so lifeless.</p><p> </p><p>“Oui oui, Jungwonie!” He takes a bow, doffing an imaginary fedora, “Of course, a man of my sophistication is partial to water that is both powerful <em>and</em> French.” Among all the things he’s said today, he’ll later own up the fact this is the most arbitrary nous he’s had for a preference. For someone who’s already admitted to purchasing a cologne for the memes, to say it gets any shallower than that is terribly <em>deep</em>.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy’s eyebrow and head tilts up slightly, impressed by this level of hyperbolic bullshit. He also imagines Jay with a bottle of whatever <em>Volvic</em> is and uncap a stream of water with the force of a firehose.</p><p> </p><p>“Cool. I’ll just pretend like I’ve never seen you drink straight out the tap then.” He’s got to give him a hard time about it though because that’s how this dynamic works. “Mouth on the spout. A clear stream. That’s not a memory I have. Not at all. Wink.” He says this audible wink without moving his eyelids and he keeps his hands on his backpack straps, unbothered to inconvenience himself.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s head swivels with knit eyebrows, absorbing that comment like a brittle sponge, “What the hell?! You didn’t even try! You just said the word! You said WINK. The disrespect!” He shakes his head to stave off some of this heat, walking ahead. He is simultaneously disappointed by the lack of effort but impressed by this cute kid’s ability to diss and flirt in the same breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? Did I?” Jungwon’s voice simulates innocence, living for this bullshit, skipping forward to link an arm with his hyung, “You know what, Jay-ah? I <em>would</em> like to know more about these French angel tears. Give me an elevator pitch. I’m all ears,” he taunts, making wholesome eye contact while teasingly swaying into Jay as they walk, “Tell me, what makes that wetness special?”</p><p> </p><p>Under his mask Jay frowns hard, giving his best effort not to crack. It is not easy, but thank god for Mask Life. He clears his dry throat, tugs the collar of his turtleneck undershirt and readies himself to spar. With a roll of his neck he sets up a well-worn loom to masterfully weave a tapestry of the finest bullshit.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, Sir.” He looks down to the boy on his right, tugging him to walk closer with his hooked arm, “First of all, it’s an honor to have this opportunity to walk along side you, Mister Jungwonderful, I love the show. Big fan!” A little too eager, he shakes the younger boy’s elbow like a hand, “It is my greatest pleasure to be here on behalf of <em>Volvic Natural Spring Water</em>,” at the mention of the full brand name he does a one-handed Vanna White with a stiff open palm sweeping low and slow from left to right, “I hope I do justice to this fine institution and get you on board with this exceptionally exquisite brand of bottled moist.” This sentence is ended with an exaggerated sound of an air kiss and an okay sign.</p><p> </p><p>Dongsaeng’s eyes widen and shake at the sound of that Gordon Ramsay tier chef’s kiss. He’s not going to break eye contact, but already he’s at a disadvantage having almost lost it at <em>‘Jungwonderful.’</em> He’s not sure what that is other than it sounds like one of the dumbest, most brilliant bastardizations of his name he’s heard to date. He just nods, bracing himself to hear what comes next, thankful for Mask Life.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s affinity for <em>Volvic</em> might be shallow but it’s far from baseless. It’s basic as fuck, but you’d expect no less from this top-tier bullshit textile designer. As usual, he’s got a stock of useless trivia to pull from to champion this bias. “Picture if you will, a view from above,” with his right hand, fingers spread wide, he sweeps from left to right as if painting a sky with a large flat brush, “the scene— a crisp blue sky, a few fluffy swaths of cloud and the melody of exotic birdsong. We glance below at the magestic Parc Naturel des Volcans d'Auvergne.” Legit he goes for it, with this high-thread count bullshit.</p><p> </p><p>Too bad he’s no match for when smart-ass Jungwon decides to play dumb. “So is it water from near the Eiffle Tower?” To be fair, Jay already lost him at the first syllable of French.</p><p> </p><p>“What? No! That water would be gross.” Jay almost gags, thinking of a puddle at the base of the monument. He clarifies with less flourish, “I’m talking about a protected park in a place called Auvergne. Trust me, it’s gorgeous.” he means this, he’s visited. “It’s a forested area with volcanic springs. <em>Volvic Water</em> comes from one of those by the ancient Temple of Mercury, the Puy de Dôme.”</p><p> </p><p>Eyes twinkling, Jungwon asks, “So is it like, Paris with trees?” his voice expresses sincere interest, but he’s actively not trying to understand. At this point Sheep <em>is</em> so lost, but he’s decided he’s not coming back. Plus it’s just more fun this way.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus?! NO. Paris is a city!” Expensive Jay balks, buying this act innocent ignorance, “That’s literally the same place where the Eiffel Tower is <em>AND</em> that water WOULD still be gross.” Fancy hyung’s already close to losing composure in frustration, but he won’t give up. He tries to get back on track with even less refined words, “I’m trying to tell you this is literally pure mineral water from these gorgeous green ancient fucking volcanoes.”</p><p> </p><p>Behind his light blue mask is a mischievous smile, “Oh. Okay then. So it’s volcanic gondola water.” Paired with his sweet tone, it reads like a pure eye smile. He’s grateful for Mask Life.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, Wonie that’s Italy!?” Jay stops walking and pauses to look at the kid incredulously, horrified at the insinuation, graphically imagining a murky container of Venician water straight from the Grand Canal. In his mind’s eye he sees a lipstick-stained cigarette butt suspended in bottle. He grimaces so hard you see it over his mask.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry hyung, I just don’t know Europe like that.” Jungwon shrugs his shoulders off-handedly, playing adorably daft. He knows what he’s saying. “I’m just a simple grandma’s boy from Korea and my school doesn’t teach classes in Advance Aquatic Bourgeois.” He just lives to trigger Jay when he’s passionately fancy but he pulls back with that obvious <em>I’m fucking with you hyung</em> line about water class in school. He even snuck in an entire word in French. Although his pride might be a little wounded by the fact that Jay might not think he knows geography well.</p><p> </p><p>Eh, but he pulled out of that too late. There’s no saving Jay at this point. His fertile imagination gestates with misplaced compassion and his questionable maternal instincts have kicked into high gear. It’ll take some forceful humor to abort the trajectory set by this leg of conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, that’s okay!” Tilting his head, Expensive Jay in the middle of walking the mall has a senior moment, “Oh you sweet boy, of course! I’m so sorry, Wonie.” Jay goes full-tilt into grandma mode. His hands go up to the sides of Jungwon’s hair, smooths down some fluff and they end on his shoulders, wholesome as all hell, “Aww,” and a head tilt, “Don’t worry Wonie, one day I’ll take you there. We’ll visit France, go to Volvic while drinking a <em>Volvic</em> and you know what? Since we’re there, let’s swing by Italy too, get you a gondola ride. Does that sound okay? You and me?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes are WIDE. He’s dazzled by the offer, fully aware that Jay’s just crazy affluent enough to make this happen on a whim, but at the same time he’s disturbed by this. So unsure what to make of this unnerving shift of energy. The glasses, the fluffy hair and this tone of voice went from hot lad to maternal dad at the drop of a fedora. He thinks about therapy. If he needs it, if THEY need it and what this means. “Sure? I— what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s go get that <em>Volvic!”</em> Jay’s nose crinkles, with a bounce of the shoulders and he pulls Wonie in for a quick wholesome hug, “I can’t wait for you to try this water. Its crisp, refreshing and its got such a clean taste. The tagline is <em>Extremely pure and distinctly different.</em>” This also describes Jay’s vibe right now, “Have a sip and you’ll see why. This water’s just—” for the enth time that day, the older boy does an unironic chef’s kiss.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>My god. This has to stop.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Wowiee hyung!” The younger claps his hands to expel the urge to slap a face, “That’s amazing!” His hand flies over his mask, the redundant action insinuating that covers his mouth in awe. More like <em>ugh</em>. He cannot have anymore of grandma Jay today. With so much simulated enthusiasm and sweater paws by his chin he asks with a sweetness, “Does it make you pee sparkle too?”</p><p> </p><p>On impulse Jay blows raspberries, spraying the inside of his mask in a fine mist of spit. Between the two of them Jungwon laughs a little harder, relieved to have torn Jay out of young male grandmotherhood. This earns them a few stares from passers by.</p><p> </p><p>“Goddamnit! You win. Ah! I almost made it to the end with a straight face,” recovering from that burst of laughter with his hands on his knees, Expensive Jay gracefully concedes, “I just like really like saying <em>Volvic</em>. It feels fancy and sounds specific. It’s just fucking water. Aaaah, oh boy,” He waits for Jungwon to get back upright and links their arms back again to start walking, “Also it isn’t that expensive, you just seem like you’ve got a reason to ask for it because its just not everywhere like <em>Evian</em>.” He shrugs, left arm linked, slipping his hands back in his coat pockets. “I don’t know, seems something Expensive Jay would say.”</p><p> </p><p>The irony here is that this extended gag about bottled water steers them so far away from getting <em>any</em> water for Jay. To add to the irony, Jungwon too is severely dehydrated. True to form, he does not express his need and initially does not accept this as a necessity but as a mild discomfort to overcome. To add even further irony, Jungwon will choose to focus on Jay’s emotional well-being in this next topic of discussion, actively compromising the care of (his and) Jay’s physical well-being.</p><p> </p><p>They’ll both learn the hard way that everyone benefits from drinking more water and that some jokes will leave you thirsty in the worst ways.</p><p> </p><p>“So... What IS the deal with Expensive you today?” concerned dongsaeng confronts this disquieting feature of his hyung, “I can’t tell if this is some sort of self-sanctioned brain vacation or—?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nailed it.” Jay interrupts, glib.</p><p> </p><p>Well that was quick. “Oh. Okay? Well... Come back from holiday? We miss you.” A little forlorn, he pats that arm over heavy wool sleeves with his left hand.</p><p> </p><p>Jay shoots a confused look, “Who the fuck is ‘we’?”</p><p> </p><p>“Royal ‘we.’ I mean me,” the moment those words come out of Jungwon’s mouth he catches from the corner of his eye Jay’s head move, the quirk in its inception, and calls it out with jerking of his elbow, “Ya! I see you thinking <em>‘</em>AWW’! That’s such a cop out. Please! Use your words, damnit!”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine!” Jay takes that to mean something more than just the urge to <em>‘aww’</em> and he digs deeper to express something real, “Expensive Jongseong is easy. He’s got no pressure to be. He just is, and for what,” he shrugs, nonchalant. “He buys things no one deserves. He doesn’t have to work so hard or at all. He doesn’t have to talk much, or care to. He just looks good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he does,” he refers to the visual comment, “but he’s not the Jay hyung I know. My hyung’s in there with you, but Everyday Jay’s not the default setting. I don’t think you understand what Expensive Jay does to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Hyung’s quiet after hearing that. With a softness he asks, “Do you?” wondering, guessing that Jungwon has some insight he might need to hear.</p><p> </p><p>Backpacked shoulders shrug, “Fuck me if I know. I’m myself… and I’m <em>not</em> myself today either. I just feel you’re a bit in your head about something.”</p><p> </p><p>“That can happen. Somehow, I think you know,” Jay sneaks in two responses to that expletive. An honest answer and suspected truth. He continues, “and you’re right, there’s something else. I just don’t know what to say.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not talking about us.” Jungwon doesn’t want to cloud the conversation with that topic, “We’re talking about <em>you</em>. Let me help you find your words.” He just wants to return the favor from earlier in the day, “Maybe talk something tangential that gets us into shopping? That’ll bring Everyday Jay back out.” He’ll try to offer a little reciprocal catharsis.</p><p> </p><p>Jay blinks a few times. “Huh?” He understands something new.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, it registers how many times Jungwon’s tried to get him to do that. He’s told him too many times in so many different ways how much he misses him. His dongsaeng’s been trying to reach him and he doesn’t care that it might not be fun, he just wants to get there. To him. To the guy in the back burner, struggling beneath the surface of privileged, Expensive Jay. He’s failed a few times but he keeps trying. Smiling, joking, crying, screaming, touching, trying so hard through consistent rebuffing, trying still to reach the real Everyday Jay.</p><p> </p><p>“Here’s the plan. Loosely. We’ll circle the issue, isolate the problem by the process of elimination.” The younger boy shakes a fist in enthusiasm, “Conversationally.” he drops his arm at that to signify his sincerity.</p><p> </p><p>In Jay’s mind he saw an imaginary knife in that action, “I’m glad you clarified that.” he’ll blame that visualization on HeeHoon’s photos.</p><p> </p><p>“Let’s do the thing successful people do. Run away from hard feelings with task-based goals.” Yang Jungwon IS predisposed for professional success. He’s got that winning attitude. Admirable. Goals.</p><p> </p><p>That makes him smile. Park Jay has seen this potential so clearly in since meeting this young boy, his dearest <em>friend, </em>his chosen companion, the object of his affection. Right now he wishes Jungwon could see how he made him smile.</p><p> </p><p>Jay gets that Jungwon’s not trying to be cute. He doesn’t care to talk about this very real tension between them. He doesn’t care to hear right now what Jay feels for him. He probably doesn’t care how deeply not having those words hurt. That’s not why he wants to help him find his words. He wants to help Jay articulate his troubles. Jungwon gets him, this visual person with a brilliant imagination who struggles to say what he can’t pin down with an image in his mind.</p><p> </p><p>He understands now. <em>It’s okay. Jungwonie’s here. Let it out. It’s okay.</em></p><p> </p><p>It takes a few times to break this bird out of his shell. This sheep nudges carefully until it finally opens.</p><p> </p><p>Jay poses a rhetorical question, “Do you know why we get a long so well?” A shop catches Jay’s eye in the direction of the head cocked left. He points it with a finger and gestures a ‘leggo’ wave of a hand. He starts leading them down that way. “You never have to, but you do. You make an effort to see me and you don’t say dumb shit you can’t back.”</p><p> </p><p>“Dumb shit like?” The younger boy nods affirming he understands the hand signals for where Jay wants to go shop. “Also, I am smart but I live for dumb shit.” He starts following, “Back to the point, dumb shit like what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Smile. Get over it. You’ll be fine.” Jay says those lines with a bitterness, “You don’t say things like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Empty cheer up bullshit.” Jungwon gets that bitter tone, he’s knows that life. However he is honest. He calls out his bullshit too. “To be fair, today I’ve told you things along the lines of ‘you’re okay’ and ‘you’ll get through this.’ Also I’m pretty sure I’ve said ‘you’ll be fine.’” He won’t take credit for not saying those things himself.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s different. When you tell me ‘I’ll be fine,’ that ‘I’m okay,’ that ‘I’ll get through—whatever my this—is,’ I know you mean ‘we’ and you actually mean <em>we</em>. I know you’re not gonna make a promise you can’t keep or won’t die trying to keep.” Jay’s eyes are far away. He looks like he’s reliving a delicate yet heavy memory. In his coat pocket he finds himself carelessly playing with the ring on his thumb.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> It soothes him.</span></p><p> </p><p>Jay continues, still with his eyes ahead. “When you do help me out, you don’t take it against me if I don’t bounce back happy right away. You don’t mind that I allow myself to be motivated by resentment, anger and shame. You let me have those feelings, feel myself and feel it out in a way that makes sense to me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung. That’s real and deep. That’s also really, deeply sweet.” Jungwon slides his hand in Jay’s coat pocket for a quick reassuring squeeze of his hand. “I really try because I really care,” he takes his hand back into his own pocket, still with his arm linked.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s heart weighs heavy with the words he's left unsaid. In time. Give him time. He won't lie. He can't lie. Holding on to this weight hurts but he has to until he’s sure. Then he thinks about the weight of the words he has said, from silly to serious. Today they’ve gotten so silly and so serious.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” Jay chuckles soft, “We don’t say things we’re not sure about unless it’s hyperbolic bullshit.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon remembers a multitude of silly things they’ve said so far just in this day. He thinks they’re both pretty, funny people. “That’s just funny. I don’t get people who don’t like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Truth. I mean, how is hyperbolic bullshit <em>not</em> funny?” Jay recalls how they just memed hard about bottled water. How’d they even start talking about something that random? They are both SO funny.</p><p> </p><p>“Right?” then the younger boy thinks about some of the more wholesome inside jokes they have. “You can’t play like that unless you know someone deep. It’s like playing with knives or fire but words.” He appreciates how he always gets Jay and his close friends to laugh despite his wholesome hostility. “It’s cool with homies. It’s a thrill, but with normies it’s—”</p><p> </p><p>“—kinda verbal assault?” Public Relations Coordinator Park adds technical jargon. “I mean, definitively that is verbal assault.”</p><p> </p><p>Boss Yang considers this information supremely worth noting, “I need more of you in me.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay blinks, tries to stay calm and on topic, “That is a tangent,” he’ll get back to it after he plays with the truth, “but thank you and yes,” but now he’s taken a thought a little too far in mind, “but later also now is not the time”, and now he’s lost in the game and dropped the plot entirely. “Ugh what the hell Wonie, get out of my head?!” <em>What’s happening again?</em></p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” For Jungwon that unravelling was a fun watch in real-time. “I meant that in a lot of ways but specifically because you see the not fun side of what I do and have words that carry moral slash legal guidance. It’s on topic and a tangent not for today.”</p><p> </p><p>“Later. You’re right though,” with a small tug on a puffy sleeve, hyung leads Wonie to enter a shop, “The fun hyperbolic slash flirtatious bullshit we play with each other and everyone back home IS coz we homies.”</p><p> </p><p>“Literal home boys who share a home,” Jungwon holds out a double barreled finger gun sideways like a cartoon gangster. “Our home homieeees.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! More like our homo homies.” Jay smirks with a comedic dusting of a shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Yang-deo shakes his head, pointing that double barreled finger gun right at Jay-ah, “That is presumptuous AND ignorant. Hyung, don’t be like that. We don’t know.” he says in seriousness. Then he takes those two fingers to hover his right eye. He doesn’t touch his face because COVID.</p><p> </p><p>Stopping in mid-walk to laugh again, they high five with a crisp sound of a slap in the middle of the shop, enjoying that casual gay bro moment.</p><p> </p><p>Jay-bird holds his sides, “HAH! Good one!” He says, still laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“Hahah yeaaah…” Yang-deo sighs, “Seriously though, that’s why it’s so tough to justify. I mean, that’s my job now and I want that role but at the same time, is really anyone’s business what weird parts of ourselves we let the guys fool around with?”</p><p> </p><p>“You play with so much long form double entendre constantly and you hide it in the deepest truth. With a straight face too.” Hyung makes a pun that almost flies under the radar, “Pfft!”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” dongsaeng a hundred percent got that pun, “I know. I fucking love that shit, I love talking like this. Confusing people like that and for what. It’s a way I suss out how people take me in.”</p><p> </p><p>“This is a serious conversation but I am flustered.” These are symptoms of physical, spiritual and emotional thirst.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, sometimes it’s just reflex." Jungwon feels a blush he hopes doesn't show, “I don’t mind that you go there because I mean it <em>that</em> way too. With you. It’s just funny with the homeboys, but you specifically get admin privileges.” he clears his throat, ashamed to have been distracted enough to veer off his mission. He'll get back on topic. This isn't about them, not yet.</p><p> </p><p>This mission, this dongsaeng decides is to share his deep weaknesses. He takes this gamble on a whim, with an intuitive, seemingly baseless, hunch that this might help hyung find his words,</p><p> </p><p>“Um... but I digress,” dongsaeng keeps his head on straight with a timid hand behind his own neck. “I don’t like <em>that</em> with randoms but I have to know how they see me,” he looks down to the ground, neither slightly left or right. Just down.</p><p> </p><p>With melancholy and determination, against his greater judgment and intelligence, Yang Jungwon proceeds to disassemble his own logic in real time.</p><p> </p><p>“I choose to talk like a Rorschach test.” With that statement he spells it out clear, making the subtext text. “That’s how I speed read all these people we meet.” He knows how manipulative this sounds, “Figure out who to trust from the jump,” because that's what this is. “I have to.” Those three words expose a fragility, “I know what I look like, I know people want and I know I can’t help but please.” It draws out why he feels so much pressure to appear strong.</p><p> </p><p>Leaning further into this helplessness, more honesty pours out from his lips under that light blue mask, “Effort and commitment are character flaws of mine. If I trust you, I will protect you and I will please. I do things well, I always do so well and people abuse that. They always have.” Despite how those traits compromise, he sees these flaws as precious. He likes these blemishes on himself. They make him who is. Like his dimples that give away his smile, however slight. Like the mole on his left thumb and his proclivity for servitude. True to form, he protects what he finds to be precious, “and so I protect <em>me</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Reflexively Leader Boy Blue’s found himself holding his own hands. His thumbs go over each other, as if consoling. Like holding a hand that isn't his. “I wish I didn’t find it necessary to do this all the time, but I’ve been very burned. That’s why I aim to cut deep with my words.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay mirrors this energy, this honesty. “Me too. Same, but different.” He sighs with a weight he’s always carried, “That’s why I work so hard to look and act abrasive, always with an edge. That’s why I yell and I curse. That’s why rock chic, that’s why black, that’s why a lot of my whys.” He smiles at a thought, at the depth of his own facade.</p><p> </p><p>He stops walking, thinks of his whys and closes his eyes. “I know me,” he thinks of how he’s become a walking contradiction. “I know I’m soft and I like that about me.” Behind his black mask is a self-empathetic smile so bittersweet. “I care so much and I give because I want to. It takes so much from me but that what makes me happy.” This admission and the words found to frame it hurts. He feels like’s cut himself with his own knife.</p><p> </p><p>He looks to find Jungwon’s eyes, to see his truth reflected back, “I need to protect myself too because people do and have taken advantage of that. No one ever gives as much as I do. Even when I don’t have the fucks to give, still I give.” He starts walking again, elbowing his dear <em>friend.</em> </p><p> </p><p>The words in his mind circle back around to how he feels, how he's pulled his mind and his heart so far away from each other to keep each one safe. “I think... that’s why I want you around me all the time. You never take, even if I want you to. Being me as I am without the hard edges feels safe.”</p><p> </p><p>Being with this young boy takes his heart and mind back to the same place, so fast and so often. His body, his actions and his words can barely catch up with that pace, they stagger with the whiplash. His legs choose to walk ahead, walking past and his eyes try to force him to scan around the space. All his heart wants is to keep looking right into those eyes, at that naked face.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon thinks about keeping a distance behind, “I feel that. Same.” He compares what Jay's physically done, walk ahead, with what he's actually said. Jay doesn't say things he doesn't mean. He says what he says how he says it specifically but sometimes a part of him won't take what's already his.</p><p> </p><p>So Jungwon decides to listen to Jay's words and he deduces that he <em>doesn't</em> want that space in between. He catches up and elbows him back, “With you, when I talk in tests it becomes just a game and it’s fun, not something I have to do to survive because I’m scared for myself and of myself. I’m still learning how to be. Like, I’m grown but I’m still just a kid, man.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll be saying the same thing in two years, because same. Grown but a kid is also me.” Jay stops walking, he’ll face him to say this. It’s the closest he’ll get to saying what he needs to say right now. “Jungwonie, I need that too. You. I can’t keep up the front all the time. It’s a lot of effort, it’s exhausting and I get tired. I just want it to be okay to be soft sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon tears up a bit, so he’ll lean into humor to stop that from happening. “Goddamnit I wanna go ‘aww’ but I can’t condone that action,” he looks up at the ceiling, his eyes fix on a recessed light fixture. <em>Too sweet.</em></p><p> </p><p>Jay catches that. He’s moved. “Aw—woah!” he starts but his head tilt gets stopped in mid-motion, “Pfft!”</p><p> </p><p>Shaking his head, Jungwon corrects that tilt with both of his hands to the sides of Jay’s head. His hair specifically, he’s still painfully aware of COVID guidelines but somehow this action seems safe to him. This cat in blue saw this coming at the edge of his periphery and decided on impulse that he HAD to stop this.</p><p> </p><p>“HYUNG NO HEAD TILT!” he screeches, trying not to laugh.</p><p> </p><p>With his eyes closed and glasses slightly askew from the hands on his face Jay laments, “Wonie, You don’t see me pouting but I AM pouting,” he points to his mouth behind the black mask and then just for fun very delicately pulls down Jungwon’s sleeves exposing his wrists. “Hard.”</p><p> </p><p>Yang Garden sees where this is going from a mile away and immediately swats his Fancy Hyung’s hands, “WE ARE IN PUBLIC!” he yelps, panicked.</p><p> </p><p>Jay says calmly, “Well, you ARE screaming at full volume inside a jewelry shop,” he starts to laugh quietly, ruffling his hair back into shape.</p><p> </p><p>“God. Damnit.” Jungwon mumbles with a quiver. He would have covered his eyes with his hands out of embarrassment if not for COVID. <em>Fucking COVID.</em> He seethes, “You suck, Jay hyung.” As soon as he says the words he immediately anticipated the spicy sass he’s about to get flung. With his eyes in a death glare, he throws daggers at his hyung’s face. “NO.” He whisper screams.</p><p> </p><p>“But—”</p><p> </p><p>“Sshhh!”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!”</p><p> </p><p>Zooming out from conversation, Expensive Hyung Jay has lead them both inside a high-end jewelry boutique. They’re flanked with glass cases and displays. It’s been a while since they entered the store, but they’ve been so engrossed in conversation that it didn’t really matter where they were. They could’ve been walking down the aisle at a grocery store and have exchanged the same words at the same volume with the same amount of fucks to give everyone else.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon swivels his head around, “Isn’t this store a bit much for a gift for I don’t know, most human friends?” he surveys the store to get his bearings straight.</p><p> </p><p>“Not at all.” Jay says confidently, fists on hips. “This is the spiritual equivalent of shopping for a gun.” he declares, snapping his coat back like a practiced dance move (it is) for dramatic effect.</p><p> </p><p>“Who are we here to shop for specifically?” he asks, looking around for clues to that answer, still puzzled.</p><p> </p><p>“The head of the snake. Our dear lad, Kim fancy Sunoo.” Expensive Jay strolls ahead, past bracelet, bangle and charm displays with a particular section in mind, “I have a plan and an image of what would be perfect to get him, but like <em>Volvic</em>, it's specific. We have to browse to find it.” This fancy lad’s body language says that he is completely in his element.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t we just ask a sales person?” Jungwon drags a little behind, stopping for a quick glance at a row of watches they pass.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck no!” Jay whips around, in a way that makes the most of his long coat’s movement. On purpose. “Do you wanna get robbed?” He grabs the edge of his coat making a dramatic sound as he turns back around resuming to pace, scoffing. “That’s peasant tier jewelry shopping.”</p><p> </p><p>Laughing to himself, he looks back at the watches like new friends and says to them, “That was oxymoronic. I love that.” he marvels at that wit out loud before walking away, following Jay. “How fucking funny and offensively boujee.” Without thinking, his head turns as he passes a <em>Cartier</em> display by the corner he rounds. “Hyung!” He calls out with his hands to his backpack straps, he skips to catch up. “Fill me in, I have functioning eyes.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s finally stopped, having found the general area of his interest. “Pretty, functioning eyes.” he says unhelpfully, turning to face his dongsaeng, waggling his eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon scowls and jabs an angry pointer finger at that silk shirt, “Save your bullshit and stay on task! However...” he looks at Jay with a completely straight face and makes a light smooching sound out of nowhere with no visual tells.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes go wide, “Fucking Mask Life!” he caws, his hand coming up to his glasses, resisting the urge to throw it to the ground. “I wanted to see that! Now I have feelings of resentment and anger against disposable fabric.” he has a tantrum and takes his anger out by yanking out his pocket square with a snap and aggressively cleaning the lens his glasses.</p><p> </p><p>“Shame,” he snickers at the sincerity of the Jay’s hostility toward his mask, “To be fair, if we had naked face we couldn’t be out like this and I wouldn’t have done that,” he crosses his arms to admonish, “Appreciate Mask Life for what it is and get back on top of Task Life. We have work to do.”</p><p> </p><p>With a huff, Jay folds his arms over his chest saunters behind the young boy presumably to check out a display case behind. It’s a ruse. He’s hasn’t been looking at these display cases well at all. As he passes, in a low voice above a whisper he says, “Oh, I’ll get on top.” and then a clear sound of a bite then switches to a normal speaking voice. “You good with that? Boss.” He says this with so much clarity as he enunciates and punctuates.</p><p> </p><p>The sound send a chills down Sheep Garden’s spine. Without a word he says ‘yes’ by shaking his head ‘no,’ smiles sly and again thanks god for mask life.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay well, moving along to Task Life,” Jay tugs on his dongsaeng’s sleeve to bring his attention to the general direction of a few display cases as if nothing happened. Easy-going as always, but with a focus he gets down to business, “I want what I want the way I describe it, so listen carefully. This will be a one-shot kill if we find this and everything else will be cake. Let’s spend this bread then we can go home to my cheese.” He thinks of <em>White Stilton Gold</em>. He wonders if it’s okay, if it’s resting well. He wonders if cheese dreams. He gets nostalgic. “You have to try it. You’ll get what I mean when you try it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, are you hungry?”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe?" His stomach growls. “Yes.” He answers quickly but as promised, he stays on task. “Anyway. Earrings, in platinum or white gold. Fuck silver, the luster on that is cheap and not worthy of Kim Sunoo’s level of fancy. We’re looking for studs in a specific shape. Let me see your hand.”</p><p> </p><p>Aghast, Yang Garden gasps, “But COVID?” he asks, horrified.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, it’s me. I know where your hands have been all day.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you this in PUBLIC?” the question comes out a confused whine.</p><p> </p><p>“—unless you lovingly caressed your crime shoes by the soles I think you’re good. Also you’ve already touched my hand.” Jay brings up a good point.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, but door handles. There’ve been so many. And railings! Jay hyung you touch your face a lot and glasses... I’ve seen you rub your eyes so much today. I think your brain is taking advantage of the fact that you’re not wearing lenses and it’s giving the rest of you permission to—”</p><p> </p><p>Fancy Hyung grabs him by the shoulders to stop that freak out in its tracks, “That is SO sweet of you, but <em>cheeses fancy crimes</em>, are you always this pandemic panicked?”</p><p> </p><p>Yang-deo regains his composure and recites a line out of a Leadership Training Seminar email, “A good team leader must also be <em>the</em> primary health and safety officer.” he slips his hands in his puffy coat pockets, “Oh! Wait. Hold up, I HAVE hand sanitizer,” he pulls out a small atomizer from his coat, “I have it here for easy access. Here, you sanitize too. Hands please. I care.” he takes the cap off the sanitizer bottle and offers to spray his teammate first.</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, spray type!” excited, Jay presents his hands palms up. “That is fancy. Taste.” he gets a few satisfying spritzes.</p><p> </p><p>“Alcohol gel’s okay but fuck me, I am getting sick of touching so much aloe vera in the day.” The boy in accidental leader mode says matter-of-fact, spraying his own hands. “Alcohol mist just feels clean. I like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I get that. I don’t understand products that try to do too much.” Jay appreciates this fine mist, he makes sure he rubs thoroughly until his hands are dry, “If I wanted sanitary hands and moisture in one product then what the fuck do I carry hand lotion everywhere for?”</p><p> </p><p>“I meant I didn’t care for the residue but now I have more questions. For later.” he shakes a thought and hops back on task, Safety Officer Yang holds presents hands up like a hand model, “Here.”</p><p> </p><p>Mildly insulted, majorly amused, Softy Officer Park gets on a soapbox for approximately ten seconds, “Boy, my love language is TOUCH! It’s a MUST that I take care of my hands. Plus piano but, okay!” he takes a breath to reset and takes Jungwon’s left hand, “There.” he points out a feature, “This finger, the crescent. that’s about the curve I’m looking for. Tip to tail, it can’t be any longer than that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” Shopping Assistant Yang nods.</p><p> </p><p>“Then I want you to imagine writing a pair of apostrophes with a felt tip marker like earlier on A4 paper.” Jay leans so hard into extra describing these earrings he wants for Sunoo, “Do it slow and imagine the ink bleed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like a punctuation mark?” His shopping assistant plays along, “and standard printer paper?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Medium sheet weight.” He’s so deep into extra he’s auxiliary, “The post of the earring has to come from the point where the apostrophe begins, not from the top of where the ink starts but where you set pen to paper.”</p><p> </p><p>“Descriptive,” he mimes writing notes on his palm, “I get that.” He wonders if Jay will notice.</p><p> </p><p>“Minimal taper on the earring curve. They should go in like apostrophes and the shape has to be between a top-heavy crescent moon and a rounded san serif parentheses.” He transitions from auxiliary to subsidiary.</p><p> </p><p>Shopping Assistant Yang adjusts his imaginary glasses, “We talking Arial Rounded or Helvetica Rounded?” His eyes move down to the display case to his left.</p><p> </p><p>“Either works, but more top heavy crescent moon in the form.” Oh but if he only moved his head just five degrees to his right.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait. I think I get it.” Jungwon wonders if there’s something wrong with Jay’s peripheral vision, but he plays along because it’s fun. “Earrings in platinum or white gold that curve in like apostrophes with the piercing post at the point of contact of the pen,” he flips up a page from his imaginary steno pad and mimes writing with a pen, “not the bleed and you want a shape somewhere between a rounded parenthesis,” he draws a pair of sensible parenthesis with both his hands, “and a top heavy crescent moon the size and curve of the moon of this here nail.” Jungwon with his palm facing himself points to the nail Jay singled out with a closed hand like a model presenting a nail polish application for a home shopping program.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly. You got it!” Fancy hyung Jay is elated at how well his specifications have been parroted back to him.</p><p> </p><p>Very slowly and deliberately the young boy curls all but that singled out finger into a fist. He keeps his middle finger up while maintaining eye contact for emphasis.</p><p> </p><p>Jay blinks, disoriented by the gesture. “Did... you want to put that down or?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” Jungwon shakes his head, “Give me a few seconds to relay this sentiment.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ouch.” Softy Officer Park touches his heart. He's hurt.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, fuck! I forgot you can’t see me smiling in tiny!” Dongsaeng starts laughing, grimacing and kinda feeling bad that might've been taken the wrong way but he keeps his middle finger up. “But seriously, right here,” he points his extended finger right at the display case to his left and sings a line, <em>"Sumanh-eun Dal" ( "Countless Moons</em>" / " 수많은 달 " ) Its Jay's line and it's sung as a peace offering.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell?” Jay grateful for that well-timed observation but is also taken back by his lack of peripheral vision, “Wonie! Wow.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we’ve been standing in front of a whole case of it.” Jungwon nods sadly, also worried about Jay's eyes in general.</p><p> </p><p>“I... Hey I mean,” embarrassed, Jay starts to get flustered, “it’s HARD to focus on anything but you when we talk. You consume my attention!” Then he spots a familiar look on the younger boy, “Ahh! You want to say it! I see you!” he points right at his blue masked face.</p><p> </p><p>“No?” Jungwon tries to lie, but he's a little too happy with what he’s heard to keep the truth to himself. So he backtracks, “Yes?” and he shrugs. Then he smirks with an energy that reaches his eyes, he leans in very close with that familiar flat affect in his voice but in a whisper. “Later, I will. Then I’ll make <em>you</em> say it and you won’t have a choice how your head tilts.” He pulls back with a nose scrunch, an eye smile, a playful shrug of his backpacked shoulders then leans hard into Task Life, “But fucking hell! Get with the browsing. There’s like waaay too many of what looks like the exact same thing to me to choose from.” With a smugness he folds his arms, glad to be steering Jay in the right direction “Back to Task Life, Jay hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>Beneath his black mask Jay bites both his lips, smiling very small. “Yeah, lemme wave down a salesperson expensively and see a few of these up close.” he nods, also pleased and looking around for a sales clerk. “Also, that sounded like a threat.” He notes not making looking anywhere close to the younger boy's direction.</p><p> </p><p>Still with his arms folded, he looks over coyly, “Not a threat.” he's smug and he doesn't back down from his goals, “A promise.” and then he catches a glimpse of Jay's face, unable to contain his expression. “Aaah! I see you smiling!” He calls it out with a point of a finger, “You are SO bad at Mask Life!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes his head, with his eyes small, beneath his mask obviously smirking.</p><p> </p><p>Behind the closest display case an unnoticed store clerk hides, crouched down behind an array of platinum and white gold earrings, biting her knuckle through her mask, trying her best not to burst into audible laughter. She didn’t mean to eavesdrop, she just works there and they’ve been talking at full volume since entering the store. She almost lost it at ‘homo homies’ and she’s not about to blow her cover. Lo key she lives for this whole conversation and this energy. High key she thinks these two are the most adorable couple in the world and she hasn’t seen their faces.</p><p> </p><p>She's been texting with her coworkers hidden around the store, relaying little snippets of flirtatious bullshit too far for all of them to hear at once. Similarly, they've been ducking out of sight behind so much jewelry and glass with the exact same idea of just letting this play out. The store's been relatively quiet since the beginning of the pandemic and this has been the most fun they've all had as a team. This has been a bonding experience to rival all team building events for this small crew Jay and Jungwon have blessed with their presence. The group chat is fire. They'll go out for drinks later after hours and talk about this day two really pretty boys dropped so much money on them made this the best day day at work this 2020.</p><p> </p><p>This would've been the perfect window to rob this jewelry store, but no one needs to know.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ah Volvic. My first real introduction to this brand was through Cibo Matto's song Sci Fi Wasabi. The line is literally, <em>"Pass the Volvic, Mika Honda knows her water, It's specific."</em> I think the singer just liked that water, but I ended up with a low grade obsession to find it. When I did... it was just water and I felt like a fool lol. </p><p>Volvic stans, no disrespect, but its just water.</p><p>Also just would like to point out the whole detail about Jay being the son of a guy with a travel agency. Me again with the vaguely grounded details but turned up to 11.</p><p> </p><p>———</p><p> </p><p><span class="u">PERSONAL TMI</span>: We got really shallow but we ended up deep again in this chapter. The last part made me miss office culture as I knew it... that little blurb about the jewelry store clerks sort of hurt me? I got hit by a few memories. Times with my career comrades witnessing uniquely amusing phenomena that left everyone smiling... and then coming together after clocking out to share tea over beer like blind men describing a single elephant, trying to make sense of something huge we all saw from different angles.</p><p>Sigh. I miss that life.</p><p><span class="u">P.P.S. RE</span>: Thumb Moles. I’ve got a mole on my left thumb just like Jungwon, exactly where his is and I kinda lost my shit irl about it literally dying over this random melanin sameness. Not that I believe in it, but like horoscopes and other new agey thingies it can be eerie when it hits close to home ofc depending on how you view these rorschach bits of trivia. In women (that’s-a-me SSpian0) it symbolizes artistic success, in men (Jungwonieeee) it symbolizes a penchant for servitude. In my own life as a creative professional in visual arts, this is sort of true. The fact I get to do what I do for a living is success in itself but idk not about me. Made me wonder a lot about my bias and what a G he is, a natural leader who’s always doing nice things for others and for what. Reminds me of old I-LAND clips where he gets Sunghoon water, makes an effort to hug Daniel after the performance test, how he notices Jay lost in his head after the first test already anticipating Ground Life and he’s like <em>“Jay hyuuung come fuck with us dongsaeng and this iPad cam,”</em> and how he just seems to know Heeseung needs a spiritual Heesehug. IDK, maybe it’s my brain, maybe its Maybeline, but maybe Yang Jungwon IS that guy, a boy with a proclivity for servitude, and he’s got to protect that part of himself that obviously he likes. 🤷🏻 </p><p>PROJECTION MUCH?!?!?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. A royal ‘we’</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jay chooses earrings to reserve. Jungwon might be losing his nerve.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter has visual elements. I recommend not scrolling down too quickly for full effect.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Immediately after Jungwon dunks on Jay for being awful at Mask Life when he reacts to a promise, a clerk appears behind the earring display. There were no questions on how she got there so quickly and Jay doesn’t think twice about how he never got the chance to wave anyone down. This is just great customer service in his opinion. Unobtrusive and anticipatory, exactly how he likes his interactions when he shops. As well, he IS a part of the Elite Class. This just business as usual for someone born in his station.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon on the other hand side-eyes that. The timing, the lack of peripheral approach, the overly friendly tone. All of that. He’s suspects and he’s most likely right. He’ll keep that information in his pocket for later.</p><p> </p><p>Jay points out a few pieces to inspect up close and the clerk obliges, setting out two boxes of disposable gloves in luxe black. Options in powdered and non, both non-latex. Jay takes a pair.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon refuses. This shopping assistant takes a hands-off approach. He waits until she’s six feet away to pick up conversation.</p><p> </p><p>“Why earrings and why start with Sunoo-ya?” Jungwon asks leaning his elbows on the glass case clearly marked ‘Please Do Not Lean On Glass.’</p><p> </p><p>“I promised him a souvenir and I’ve thought about it the longest, plus I like him.” Jay talks as he meticulously inspects stud earrings. “He’s like me but Sunghoon in ways. Me in spirit, Sunghoon in face. He’s fancy, wholesome with sass like I’ve got brass. Good kid. He makes my day with his special shade of crack.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a LOT of shade and a lot of crack.” Shopping Assistant Yang keeps leaning on glass, “I like him. Realness and class. Also aegyo. He is too good at it. He makes cringing feel like winning and that’s skill. Like psychological manipulation.” he’s watching to see if anyone working reacts, “I have to get him to teach me that.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve got your own sort of that, but you should hang out with him more. He’s got that cute face, sharp edge thing going too. Like a cat that won’t stop clawing and biting but you like it because it’s cute.” fancy hyung examines each pair of studs meticulously, intent finding one that meets his <em>exact</em> specifications. “He’s smart as fuck too. Reads well. You’d vibe hard.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm. Noted.” an eyebrow raises over blue mask, “He your type?” Mreow.</p><p> </p><p>He just felt that psychic chill, “I don’t like me that way, I’m not Sunghoon-ah. So that’s a nah,” he hopes that was clear, but he elaborates to be sure, “Sunoo’s just a me in a different life mixed with a well-adjusted pixie or some whimsical elf. He’s a dandy too, that’s where we vibe the most. That brand of dumb shit I say is relevant to his interests. I appreciate that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Noted.” claws retract. To be fair, he was worried for someone else. “Niki really digs him. I get it, they just make sense.”</p><p> </p><p>“SunKi’s cute. Wholesome.” Jay sets aside a pair.</p><p> </p><p>“Give Niki a year, see if you think he’s still wholesome.” Yang-deo says this from experience. He’s a year older and look at him now. Wholesome.</p><p> </p><p>“Sunoo’ll stay that sweet. He’ll be wholesome for life, like me.” he laughs a little inside.<em> Pfff. Wholesome.</em> “Why’d you say that about our giant maknae?”</p><p> </p><p>“We workshop and I see his game. It’s brilliant. He knows his potential, when to strike and hides in plain sight.” young Jungwon explains his dongsaeng’s similar feline predator instincts while focuses his attention on another display case. “Excellent improviser, freestyles like the best. He makes his weaknesses his strength. Niki’s a smooth criminal. Respect.”</p><p> </p><p>“Define workshop?” eyebrows raise under blonde fluffy hair.</p><p> </p><p>He looks through the case, not at it. “Trying looks, lines. Running scenarios. Refining strategy. Discussing theory. Moves sometimes. Research and development, that kind of thing.” he’s trying to suss out how many clerks are working the store. “Practice for if Sunoo-ya likes him the way he likes his Sunoo hyung,”</p><p> </p><p>“Intriguing. Also, what!?” Jay choses to take those words at face value but that’s a lot. For now. “Isn’t it obvious to Niki that Sunoo does?”</p><p> </p><p>Having seen enough, he turns his attention back to Jay. “Nope. Not to Niki.”</p><p> </p><p>“How is that mutuality not obvious to him?” Jay asks this with the utmost sincerity.</p><p> </p><p>“He guesses so, but they’ve been that way since Ground. That’s how it’s always been and thats how it is.” He shares what he shares with his fellow dongsaeng liner, “When Niki’s feelings grew tall as his height, he showed it but they’re already so close that nothing’s changed. His efforts don’t register as anything out of the ordinary. I mean, for crimes sake, they regularly share a bed and they’re <em>just </em>really close <em>friends</em>. Niki doesn’t know if he’s getting anywhere. This could just be how their friendship works. At the same time, he’s not ready to ask yet. We’ve got too much on the line.” He leans in, wondering if his hyung will notice JunKi’s parallels, “Hyung, there’s no such thing as ‘obvious’ in a platonic relationship that starts that physically close.”</p><p> </p><p>“Look, Sunoo <em>adores</em> Niki. He likes him back, I <em>know</em> that.” Jay defends his fancy counterpart, partially defending himself. He reads between the lines and tries to stay within them. “He’s said so. He keeps a hand decorated box of Niki memorabilia he keeps hidden away and its precious. I saw it this morning and I never called it out. He’d tell me if he wanted me to know, and we <em>talk</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought so, but—” Jungwon abandons the thought. He falls back, tries to lighten the mood. “The box says a lot. Who keeps receipts separate unless they really care, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“We know that life.” Jay points to a pair of earrings. “I’m going with this one.” He’s found the perfect pair. He’ll wave down a clerk in a few, put it down for reserve for later. He has a few other tasks to get through before he checks out. “I think this will look really good on Sunoo-ya.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aesthetically, I see that. Very nice.” What a pretty pair. Good choice, Jay hyung.</p><p> </p><p>“More than that, this has meaning.” Jay waxes poetic about his steeped intention, “Sunoo is a pair of apostrophes in the team. He’s a quote worth noting within the main dialogue. He’s says what we think but won’t say, usually after a punctuation. Single, he’s possessive and calls out what’s missing. I want to honor that role with a token.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is he like the hive mind personified?” Jungwon suggests, “Like our voice of reason?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes to the hive mind. Voice of reason, debatable. Define reason? But maybe?” Jay takes a beat to think about it then settles to explain with a shrug. He doesn’t have to justify what just IS. “I don’t know. That’s just how I see him, plus he has nice ears.” He says, peeling off disposable black latex gloves. Without a thought he tosses them on the glass top as refuse.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm. I kinda get that,” without ceremony, he swipes those gloves, “He has functioning ears.” They go in his pocket. No evidence left behind.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, plus he made me promise to have an aggressively great day and I leaned into that spirit.” With a little bit of a grimace Jay rubs his hands together, a little uncomfortable with the glove residue. “I was gonna mope around town in regular clothes but he suggested I YOLO and drink in minutes like months. I owe him for that coz I kinda needed that push.”</p><p> </p><p>Personal shopping assistant Yang adds commentary in melody, “You got pushed,” waving his refreshing spray sanitizer already out.</p><p> </p><p>Jay notices and sings a reply, holding his hands out palms up. ”떠밀려 왔어“("tteomillyeo wasseo") He appreciates this pleasant, unobtrusive and anticipatory act of customer service.</p><p> </p><p>“What a treat,” he breathes an amused chuckle, actively atomizing alcohol. “Please, continue.”</p><p> </p><p>“He does that a lot with all of us. He says and asks things we all wish we could say out loud. He acts in good faith.” Jay is smiling behind his mask, half in his sentimental reverie, half because this spray sanitizer really does make his hands feel nice and clean. Refreshing like a <em>Vovic</em>. “I think those reasons are worth how much I’m about to drop on this gift.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god,” This dongsaeng’s energy’s screams a yipes. “I don’t want to know.” Impulsively, he starts spraying his own hands down too. He hasn’t touched anything but his backpack straps and Jay since the last spray but the thought of how much money’s already gone down the drain today at his expense leaves him feeling a <em>little</em> gross.</p><p> </p><p>Hyung reads this as a sign of jealousy. His head’s already tilted with a thought of an ‘aww,’ and of how to ease this vibe. Then sees an opening to speak in a language he’s more fluent in. His love language.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll spoil you more.” Unprompted, he helps out with the solitary task of personal hand sanitation. He makes sure his dongsaeng’s hands are <em>thoroughly</em> clean. It looks exactly how <em>you</em> imagine it to be. It feels like something you shouldn’t do in mixed company. How can something so simple and so wholesome turn into a this elaborate gesture. Is that what this is? Functional delicacy? Deep tissue cleansing? Is this a massage? How much time has passed? What is happening?</p><p> </p><p>Regardless, people would pay premium prices for this service at the risk of spiritual combustion. It’s the latent entrepreneurial legacy within Park Jongseong, if it’s <em>Made by Jay</em>, there will be guaranteed market readymade.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon glitches a little. This is putting on clothes all over again but in the middle of a jewelry store. At a mall. In public. At least six feet away from the last human person. He’s not mad at that. It’s just, time and place. Also<em> WHAT.</em> Still he lets it happen. Because he is frozen stiff and its just so good it feels bad. He cannot and will not make eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>The jewelry shop group chat explodes when the store manager sends a screenshot of this moment’s security footage. Dibs are called and prices are negotiated to receive copies of said video clip. A few of them have already set this photo as their home screen. Some of the clerks behind glass counters have resorted to laying on the floor, trying to cope quietly with this blessing.</p><p> </p><p>Sanity returns to young Jungwon and he clears his throat, “Jay-ah, I literally meant that reaction to your use of human money,” stiff, he takes his hands and just holds them to his sides while he explains his thought process. “I do NOT want to know how much you spend. I choose not to wrap my head around how much you’ve dropped just today.” He can’t feel his arms, so he’ll bounce on his heels to reintroduce circulation. He had to disassociate from his body for a few MINUTES.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? You’re not jealous then?” Jay is relieved and he speaks like he just did something normal people do. For each other. As <em>friends</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Not the point.” He makes that clear, clearing his throat again, “Don’t worry about me,” Then he gets serious like a protective hyung. “Make sure you buy something as special for Niki-ah. Please, don’t make <em>him</em> jealous, not that I know if he would. I don’t want you or I involved when he finds out if that’s the kind of person he is. He really <em>really</em> likes <em>his</em> Sunoo hyung.” Consistent to his character he protects what he finds to be precious. That’s literally his only dongsaeng. “Lo key I worry about him the longer time passes between them. I don’t want to see the light in his eyes grow dim each time his heart flutters.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d say the same thing to you about Sunoo-ya but I think it’s too late for that.” Jay speaks of a jealousy he’s seen in his fancy dongsaeng. He recalls discussing trigger finger hearts with the Park hyung at length. “Jungwonie, did— Do you feel that way?”</p><p> </p><p>“I am human,” and he needs to be loved. Just like everybody else does. “It’s the only way this feeling grows when things stay unknown. You start to feel possessive over things you don’t own. Just the other day I felt animosity toward a disco ball. That’s not fun, but I can take it. I <em>will</em> take it, but I don’t want that for my friend. He doesn’t need to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sweet that you look out for Niki, but you can’t keep saying you can take more just because you think or know you can.” The older boy recalls seeing this selfless depreciation in someone else he felt similarly for. “You’re strong, I know. I just don’t want you hurting either.” How frustrating that was and is.</p><p> </p><p>“As if. You do the same thing I do.” The young boy calls out the hypocrisy in that, “<em>Still</em> you do, so I’ll <em>have</em> to do that too. Same thing, no difference. Like I believe in you and I don’t like you in pain either, but that’s not on me.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay drinks that in. There’s never a right time, and this most definitely is not the place but he’s got to say something. Very soon he <em>has</em> to do something. Things are coming to a head. For some reason, this is the point he becomes hyper aware of this space they’ve been in this whole time. “Get through it with me?” He asks extending a hand.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ah, this fucked up duality. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Of course!” Jungwon amicably takes that hand and shakes it, “That’s what real <em>friends</em> are for, <em>hyung</em>.” Like a business transaction, he shakes that hand. Task Life awaits. “Niki-ya though, we gotta go BIG with him and it’s got to mean as much.”</p><p> </p><p>Hyung sighs. That wasn’t right but Task Life awaits. “Help me out with that. You two click right hard and I’m pretty sure that kid already owns ALL the Micheal Jackson things.”</p><p> </p><p>“I got you, man.” P.A. Yang chirps with a thumbs up, doing what successful people do. “Trust me, we don’t want to give him the Micheal Jackson things he <em>doesn’t</em> have.”</p><p> </p><p>“This is kinda tough thinking about doing something nice for anyone team without thinking about their... <em>things</em>.” Truth. Compartmentalization only goes so far. Eventually things come together. Already it’s hard to think of one of them without the other.</p><p> </p><p>“Jake gonna be the hardest one to pick something for,” a grimace born of logistic difficulty forms under that light blue mask.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” Black mask agrees with a similar hidden grimace, “Wait, you don’t hyung him?” He will be tough to shop for but thank god for the human conversational distraction that is Shim Jake. The vibe can only get lighter.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s my son so I don’t have to. Also this is a casual conversation between coworkers off the clock? Work mode is on silent right now. Pfft!” Jungwon has to end that bit with a laugh. Sarcastic humor is a casualty of Mask Life, “I mean, I do hyung to his face. For morale and I like him. Respect.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well we gotta put Jake down. We’re going in order of difficulty here. Shopping for him might end up being saved for last.” Like his throat and himself on a cellular level, he is dry of ideas of what to get his fellow hyung liner. Maybe some expensive gold flake Vegemite? Is that a thing? Who knows.</p><p> </p><p>“Solid strategy,” at this point, what to do about that hyung IS a difficult subject. “<em>Things</em> though. Pfft. Funny and appropriate.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’d use soulmate but Jake’s Jaked up that term.” When in doubt, get that Jakethy back out for comedic effect. He’s a great segue and pretty much the Kevin Bacon of the team, you can pivot into talking about everyone else.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm. I see that. Sort of?” This is actually interesting to to him. He wouldn’t mind talking soulmates. “Hyung, do you believe in that?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sort of?” he thinks he shouldn’t have reached for Jake or that word. He regrets. “I don’t know about believing. I see what is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Same,” he thinks of how his friends pose some interesting possibilities. He wouldn’t mind talking this out. Maybe he and Jay are kind of like one of these archetypes. “Like Jakehoon’s different from Sunki—”</p><p> </p><p>“NO.” Jay cuts him off. “No Jake right now,” he needs to pivot. He’s already sidetracked wondering if they sell didgeridoos at the mall, if that’s culturally appropriate to gift to an Australian person and he <em>does not</em> want to talk soulmates right now. Now is not the time. “I’m going to get so distracted talking about him that I’ll veer so far left from Task Life. Shift to someone else, please?” Jay pleads.</p><p> </p><p>“To be fair, YOU brought him back up,” he sighs, disappointed. “We only have two people left to talk about.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good, because that’s who we’re shopping for next, Heeseungie hyung and Sunghoon-ah.” Jay sighs, relieved.</p><p> </p><p>“Cool. Go pay for earrings then,” it’s times like these that he wishes he didn’t see <em>things</em> so clearly. “We’ll hop to it once you’re settled.” He’ll move on. He has to. </p><p> </p><p>“Later. We have to be back here anyway after I pick up the pieces for Hyung Line minus 2Js.” With a confident wave, Jay flags down a clerk, “Set this aside for us, please. We’ll be back later. You do on-site engraving here too, correct? We have a few pieces from another shop we need that done for when we check out.” There was a question there, but he spoke it like an order. He’s in his element and he knows what he’s doing.</p><p> </p><p>“Excellent choice. We’ll have this on reserve for you until closing.” The lady clerk responds, taking the platinum apostrophes from the counter. “And yes we of course, we can take care of personalizing your items. It’ll just be a few minutes wait.” She stores away the rest of the selection back on glass.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s good. Thank you kindly.”</p><p> </p><p>Beaming, the clerk takes out a pen and pad. “What name should we hold these under, Mister—?” She’s been waiting for this moment. They all have. This shop ship needs a name.</p><p> </p><p>“JayWon,” this fancy blonde Mister answers without hesitation, adjusting his glasses for full effect. “Put it under JayWon.”</p><p> </p><p>Puzzled, Jungwon glances at Jay. He just said that like it was his actual name, with authority and certainty. Masked, he smiles in medium but it doesn’t stay. He turns away and starts walking out. “Meet you outside,” he calls out with a casual wave. He needs some time alone, a little space.</p><p> </p><p>She jots down the name, “Perfect.” her heart does a somersault, “We’ll see you back JayWon-ssi,” and she takes a deep bow from the waist, elated.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling satisfied at the task almost done, he turns and heads out the shop. Out there Jungwon leans with his backpack against the glass storefront. Jay walks toward him, stands to his right, he offers his arm like a gentleman and asks with a quick wink, “Ready, boss?”</p><p> </p><p>Boss Yang takes the arm offered, “Letchugo,” he says with a knowing look and a little bit of fatigue. He’s starting to not feel so great. It is dehydration and something else that hurts on a cellular level. He waits until the elevator’s in view to ask, “Hyung, which one of us is JayWon-ssi then? Is it you?”</p><p> </p><p>The reply comes without that look exchanged, just a look ahead. “Both of us. It’s a ‘we’ thing.”</p><p> </p><p>A nod from a blue masked boy, “That works. A royal ‘us’ and a royal ‘we’.” He loosens his grip on the older boy’s arm. No meaning to this action, he just means to do this to resume walking on his own like a normal person.</p><p> </p><p>—but a hand stops that grip from leaving the crook of his elbow, “We <em>are</em> royals. Kings.” Jay squeezes that hand, still with his eyes forward, “You and me.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon shakes his head. “You and I,” he corrects his grammar if only to change his mood a bit and excuse himself to sing that familiar song, “We can flyyy.”</p><p> </p><p>The lift gate opens with a soft ding. They walk in to the sound of Jay quietly humming the next verse.</p><p> </p><p>‘<em>You are another me, I am another you.’</em></p><p> </p><p>Jay chuckles airy, “Not gonna lie, that song is kinda perfect for right now,” he says, selecting a button on the lift panel.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon shrugs, no comment. “Where we off to now?” he asks.</p><p> </p><p>“4th floor to <em>Yves Saint Laurent,</em>” he answers fancy, leaning back on the railing as the elevator door closes with a chime.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, cool. I know that brand, I call it <em>‘Easel’.</em>” Yang boy half-heartedly leans into humor.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh, <em>YSL</em> does read as <em>‘Easel.’</em> Like for painting.” Jay smiles at that. “I’ll call it that from now on.”</p><p> </p><p>“I knew you’d like that,” he laughs softly, then asks, “Can I have my arm back, please?”</p><p> </p><p>A fancy masked smirk, “Why? You gonna try something fun?” He coughs, revealing thirst.</p><p> </p><p>Put off by that call-out, Jungwon gives a casual, “No,” mildly annoyed that he has to swerve out of that energy. Maybe he wanted a spontaneous hug, but now that feels sad. Wanting that feels sad. Acting on it might feel a little worse. He plays it off with a glib, “Business before pleasure,” he smiles with his eyes and runs his hand through his hair. He really tries to keep it light, but he can’t stop himself from that ragged sigh. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe living Mask Life, that’s what he tells himself.</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes his head, disappointed with himself. He reads that vibe. He feels bad, but this can’t happen any sooner. He sighs heavy too and he does what he can right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Then give me back my <em>thing</em>,” he says haughty, snatching Jungwon’s hand from atop his head, “so disrespectful.” His eyes are smiling but he keeps shaking his head, a silent apology.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon doesn’t try to fight, he’ll take that. They take the ride up in silence with Jay holding his hand, but the tension remains. </p><p> </p><p>Jay can’t let things stay this way. He tucks his black mask under his chin, reaches over to lift up those fluffy black bangs and plants a lingering peck on the young boy’s forehead. His mask comes back up and skillfully styles his hair back in place, like a doll he’s dressed and dotes on. He’s upset with himself, the boy won’t look him in the eye. He thinks he’s afraid if he looks at him that <em>they</em> might cry. They might. For now he’ll fix him up until he looks perfect again, before that soft kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Beneath that blue mask Jungwon wears a crooked smile that melts like dark chocolate, bittersweet. He tucks his lip in, allows the himself to blush and looking low and to the left. He leans forward, not caring to look perfect. For now he’ll lean his fluffy head on Jay’s shoulder draped in heavy wool. He mulls over a few disjointed thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>The lift rises to the 4th floor. The elevator doors recede with a sharp <em>DING</em>. </p><p> </p><p>A pavlovian response triggers Yang-deo’s innate responsibility. He’s broken out of musing and jumps, startled. “Oh shit.” He remembers something crucial. “Hyung, we never got you water!” He announces, as they both walk out the lift, mortified at having dropped the ball on that task.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, you’re right!” Jay’s hand goes over his masked mouth, surprised at how difficult it is to swallow with so much moisture deficit, “Oh no. Jungwonie, I am SO fucking <em>thirsty</em> right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes widen, twinkling. Infused with a flood of sudden mirth he freely loses his shit.</p><p> </p><p>“HA!” He points at face, right AT face, obnoxiously triumphant. “HAAA!” Jungwon wins. “You said it!!” Again, like the winner he is, he wins. He feels GREAT. “Suck IT, hyung!” with his fists up he does a celebratory dance, a slow body roll and sings, “Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!”</p><p> </p><p>“God<em>DAMN</em>it! YAA!!” A full caw, full volume, reverberates through the mall. Frustrated at the realization Jay’s hands fly up to his face only to hover over with a with a claw handed shake, now himself hyper aware of COVID by proxy, “GAA! No! NO!! Ugh, I was SO close!” He squawks through gritted teeth.</p><p> </p><p>Still taunting with a bite of his lip that no can see, that slow body roll and his arms out to the side he goes, “Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, <em>BRRAAAH!”</em> He teases hard, “You are ALWAYS so close! But you NEVER take me down!” at he freezes. With a look of horror, and a deadness in his voice he says, “Oh no. Cheeses. The multifaceted truth of that. Now I feel sad again.” He looks skyward, missing his friend that distant raincloud. He cut himself deep. Yikes.</p><p> </p><p>“PFFFTT!!!” It’s Jay’s turn to laugh. That’s so sad its true and he knows it, “YeaAHHh… haHAHAHAH <em>cough cough cough</em> Cheese dust! HAHAH <em>cough</em> ” he bends at the waist, burst open into a laughing, dry coughing fit.</p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p>Before <em>Yves Saint Laurent</em>, they stop at a <em>TOUS les JOURS</em> to get some water and quick bite to eat. They take a few detours, from Task Life because Jay’s ‘pfft’s have begun to sound powdery, and from Mask Life because Jay’s tummy’s been audibly grumbly. Necessity and compassion are decent reasons to choose to set plans back.</p><p> </p><p>Young Yang Jungwon makes eye contact with a sausage roll behind the display case. He thinks about it, how that would be funny watching Jay squirm but then he’s sort of had enough of his bullshit for the next hour or so. While he’d usually make time for his own shenanigans, in truth he benches that visual gag (<em>Pfft</em>) in lieu of something more his style. Boy loves his curry. He’ll say that in tiny until the sheep bleats home.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, you know what you want?” Jay comes back from the washroom with clean hands done the old fashioned way. “I’m getting a water for sure and something technically solid. Semi-hard, but not cheese.”</p><p> </p><p>“The what?” dongsaeng blinks.</p><p> </p><p>Dehydration can lead to mental confusion. “Bread. I meant bread.” This is a fact.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” he’d find this funnier if he didn’t feel so guilty right now, “Oh Jay-ah… poor poor Jay hyung. I’m in a Curry Croquette mood. You?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know yet, but that sounds good. I want savory bread too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever you get don’t get the Frank Roll. We’re not doing that. We have no time for shenanigans.”</p><p> </p><p>“Now why would I do that? I’m not you.” Jay narrows his eyes, he is in no mood for a Frank Roll. “I might get a curry bread also and maybe I need something sweet for my dry brain. I hear sweet is good for brains. I learned that from an anime.” This is a reference to a wholesome anime about a boy with superior intelligence who wrote a lot in his special notebook. It’s Jay’s kind of wholesome. “I’m buying. I’ll get us something sweet for you too, if you want.“</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good, I wouldn’t mind a sweet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sweet!” Jay thinks it might be cute to watch the younger boy eat a flamboyantly adorable pastry. Get a picture of it. Make it a home screen. “Want anything to drink? I’m going hard on water.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mmm?” Jungwon studies the menu, then asks for a beverage in borrowed English, “A taro ball milk tea would be good.” This order is in lieu of getting that laugh via Frank Roll.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes close so tight and all his facial features tingle. “Jungwonie, I want to laugh. That <em>is</em> funny to me,”He starts off speaking softly, “but I’m afraid I’ll break face so hard that I’d cry and I can’t spare the moisture. I will get your curry croquette and your taro milk boba —your <em>BUBBLE </em>tea.” politely, in a shriveled tone he corrects the name of the tea. “Just please, go. Wash your hands.” He won’t even open his eyes. He points to the direction of the washroom and repeats for good measure. “Please. Wash your fucking hands.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, cool. Good call on that.” Health and Safety Officer Yang approves of this message, “I’ll be back with clean hands.”</p><p> </p><p>After a silent prayer for serenity Jay checks out the the display, looking at bread like friends. Having just shopped for Sunoo, he’s got his fancy lad counterpart on the brain. He remembers that candle and thinks about texting over a few seductive photographs of baked goods to get a rise out of him for all those times he’s been blue balled for fresh bread. Then he thinks better of it.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>“You’re gonna come back home to a slew of epic stories, and I swear to god you’re going to regret not having been a part of it if you don’t weave a legend of your own.”</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Sunoo got him started on this adventure, he’s grateful for that. This began with that promise, to make his day rival Sunoo's plans and so legend his fancy dongsaeng ends up hating him for not taking him along. He remembers the checklist me made in his mind, with every detail he promised his fancy dongsaeng he would do.</p><p> </p><p>      ☑︎<em> </em>Dress weird!</p><p>      ☑︎<em> </em>Buy something crazy!</p><p>      ☑︎<em> </em>Do something insane!</p><p>      □Eat some weird shit you might not like!</p><p>      ☒ <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><strike>Drop in unannounced on Jungwon’s</strike><br/><em>          </em><strike>Leadership Training Seminar</strike></p><p>      ☑︎<em> </em>Scare <em>him</em> with sweetness!</p><p>      ☑︎<em> </em>Keep a mask on at all times!</p><p>      ☑︎<em> </em>Wash your damn hands frequently </p><p>      ☑︎<em> </em>Bring me back a souvenir! <br/>[ ↑ pending ]</p><p> </p><p>He could be a little better about washing hands, but he knows where his hands have been. He’s pretty sure the a few hours the hotel room, alcohol and emergency pajamas count as crazy purchases. He has a few ongoing tasks like Mask Life, insanity and sweetness. There’s one more thing left to try.</p><p> </p><p>      □Eat some weird shit you might not like!</p><p> </p><p>Jay steps up to the counter to place his order with a smirk. He’ll get REAL weird but he might like it. He’d rather have something else, but what’s tastier than a memeable moment? Nothing. For good measure he takes a few explicit pictures of display bread in case this goes horribly wrong. At the very least, this’ll <em>actually</em> pick Jungwon back up.</p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon comes out of the washroom with his eyes on his phone, scrolling. Since the closet at the hotel, he’s put his phone on silent but the alerts have kept pouring in. Its a mess. He is stressed.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, that took a while,” he says slipping off his mask and his backpack, sighing. “Hyung, the neighborhood association is PISSED. I keep trying to scroll through all the subject titles, but goddamn they keep pouring in. The fuck are doing at home?”</p><p> </p><p>“Have some of your boba,” naked face Jay pushes a cup of milky lavender across the table, “your BUBBLE tea.” he says factually, hoping that correction sticks with his dongsaeng. God forbid he says something like that on camera.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.” Jungwon takes the cup, takes in a mouthful of balls (← his words, his brain) with a deep sip and continues to scroll. His speed read is interrupted by a fresh alert.</p><p> </p><p>🦊🗯✨🔆🚫✨🔪💕 added: <span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/></span><b><em>Disinfect Bunk Steps ASAP</em></b> 🚨</p><p> </p><p>“Bold AND italics?!” Yang Leader yowls, “What the shit?!” He drops his phone on the cafe table with a clang, “Jay hyung, take that away. I swear to god I will throw my <em>fucking</em> phone at so much innocent bread.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay almost chokes, mouth on spout of his <em>Volvic</em>, “What’d they do now?” He picks up the phone, curious. The sight makes him groan. “Ugh! Wonie, you’ve GOT to stop with these chore app alerts.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t get it. Why do they wait for me to not be there to pull this kinda shit?” angrily, he breathes in more balls through sweet liquid purple. “I would have LOVED to be home for this.”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy’s eyes are wide as he pans through notifications, “What is this? They’re coming in at the speed of a VLIVE chat.” This is grossly hyperbolic, but still an email every 5 seconds is a lot. “And why do these subject lines read like album spoilers?”</p><p> </p><p>“I am SO pissed off about that,” he says completely disregarding the fact that he just danced a key point of choreography for an unreleased song in public to accentuate his desire for his hyung to quote, ‘suck it,’ end quote, “Ugh, fuck me. Give me back my phone, please.”</p><p> </p><p>“You sure? I don’t mind keeping this in my coat. I also don’t think it’s the best time to try to write back. You’re a little—“</p><p> </p><p>“ON <em>EDGE?!</em>” The response is a modulated yelp and he grips the table by the edge rattling drinks and bread, “I KNOW. I’m calm though.” He says calmly, unconvincingly. “I have to make this call. Not a literal phone call, but a call. Cancel on tomorrow’s schedule for everyone, tell no one. I want them to suffer and prepare to wake up early. I’ll email work, get staff started on rearranging bookings. This is gonna suck HARD for a few days, but we— I specifically am gonna need half a day and everyone shutting the fuck up to catch up with these emails.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jeeeesucks. That sucks,” thirsty Hyung sucks it. It is a bottle of water.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to come up with a plan to keep us from homelessness before we debut. Legit this is top priority. We’ve got to smooth things over in with the HOA and whip the boys back into shape. Beat the shit out of them with words and maybe physically with a house meeting crack of fucking dawn.”</p><p> </p><p>“I got you, boss.” Jay actively resists the urge to start eating bread, “We’ll figure it out. Blue sky a few ideas before bed, maybe?”</p><p> </p><p>“Goddamnit, Jay hyung.” Touched, Jungwon breathes a sigh of relief and reaches out to touch Jay’s clean hands. With heavy sincerity he says, “Best of wives and best of women.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you just quote Hamilton on me?”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s a Hamilton?” so smart, yet such an affinity for dumb.</p><p> </p><p>Shaking his head, determined not to get shaken off his game by a nonsequitur Jay moves it right along. “You want some of this bread? I’m starved. Hope you don’t mind what I chose.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks. I am pretty hungry. Emotional distress does burn a lot of calories.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have some bread.” Jay pushes the wooden tray forward. “I got me a curry croquette bread too and another bread each for us. This will be good. For us. This bread.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, what’d you get?” Excited, looking forward to a tasty snack he finally looks down to check on Jay’s purchase. “JAYSUS?!?” he is confounded, he is confused. “Jay, this is <em>SUS.</em> What is this?!”</p><p> </p><p>Once again, Jay blindsides Jungwon with his random acts of boldness. This time he does it with bread.</p><p> </p><p>It’s hyung’s turn to play dumb. “Bread. Everyday Korean French bread,” he answers with the literal definition of <em>TOUS les JOURS</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung.” Jungwon asks the question with an uncomfortable tilt of his head. “Why did you do this?”</p><p> </p><p>When Jay’s in control he has an excellent poker face. “What? Keep my promises? I said I'd get us bread, a savory and a sweet.” Right now, he is absolutely in control.</p><p> </p><p>“Why this sweet bread?”</p><p> </p><p>“People eat this bread.” </p><p> </p><p>“Of all the bread, you choose THIS bread?”</p><p> </p><p>“What are you on about? It’s human food. Do you not like strawberry?” Jay mimics confusion well, “Its just regular-ass dessert bread. There’s literally a basket of them on display,” he points in the general direction of said bread.</p><p> </p><p>The young boy's pitch shifts up “I know?!” then he follows it up with a darkness, “I laughed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well I didn’t.” Hyung shrugs, matter-of-fact. “You're being so rude to this bread. Give it a chance. I’ve never tried this. Have you?”</p><p> </p><p>Quickly he answers with a dead voiced, “NO.” </p><p> </p><p>“Well that’s great then!” Jay tilts his head wholesome, with a scrunch-nosed smile, “Let’s try this bread. We’ll make some memories. Have the same experience. Eat at the same time,” he snaps both his fingers to suggest synchronicity.</p><p> </p><p>Sheep Garden's eyes are bloodshot, “WHY DID YOU GET TWO.” he whisper screams.</p><p> </p><p>Kind hyung Jay folds his hands together, “Because we’re equals, Wonie.” he nods, meaning that.</p><p> </p><p>“My god.” Jungwon's left eye won't stop twitching “<em>Why,</em> god?” he might actually learn to wink today, “This IS an effort,” he tries to find an out, “Maybe this is too much bread for snack?”</p><p> </p><p>“Shh.” Jay won't budge. “It’s not that much, trust.” Buying this for the memes isn't enough. “I can take this bread easy.” He leans back on his chair, draping his arm over the backrest, looking like a cool, expensive bird. “We are having this bread. You and I are going to eat the same bread at the same time. We might like it. Who knows? Maybe we buy a few more? For us and the homies. For later. I feel they’d like this bread,” he suggests, most thoughtful.</p><p> </p><p>“What have I done?” Maybe today he learns to regret teasing so much and so often. “Jay hyung, you used to be so WHOLESOME.”</p><p> </p><p>“How am I not right now? I still am. I just really wanted some of this bread. Just a sweet dessert bread.” He says that, but he won't look at the bread either. He might laugh, hard. “I mean, we’ve got curry bread too. You wanna start with the curry bread? It’s a classic.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I will eat this curry bread because I WANTED this curry bread.” He gnashes his teeth, pointing at the curry bread, claiming it as HIS decision.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, hurry up. We have still tasks to do.”</p><p> </p><p>“You are making life SO HARD right now.”</p><p> </p><p>“That makes no sense with this bread. The word ‘soft’ is literally in the name of this bread and it is SO wholesome. Children love this bread.”</p><p> </p><p>“AAAARGH?!?” Smart-ass Jungwon hits a state of peak confusion. He is being fucked with, he knows this, but this whiplash is jarring. He is experiencing a spiritual concussion, one beyond the damage of those hauntingly beautiful photographs of his parent hyungs.</p><p> </p><p>What is his game? How—? <em>Why</em> is Jay doing this? How is he so wholesome one minute then in a blink, the boldest and the most italic? </p><p> </p><p>This is the guy took him into a hotel room, rebuffed all his painfully obvious advances, exuded shameless grandmotherly energy, ripped off his terrycloth robe only to abscond him on wearing his underwear, purposely stayed outdoors to sit in a cold bath of winter air, hugged him on the razor’s edge of platonic, got him dressed, restyled his hair and the did the <em>most</em> wholesome favors. This is also the same guy who took him breathless in the very last minutes at the private suite, who chased him down a stairwell to violently, delightfully, personally assault him in front of passing strangers and unnecessarily sanitized his hands in a way that felt morally dubious while clerks shook to contain their aura in the periphery. This duality is the <em>MOST</em> amount of cognitive dissonance.</p><p> </p><p>This is not even registering the wasted romantic potential of being in a luxury vehicle with the partition up. He’s not even sure if what happened there was him technically being felt up. What was <em>that</em> even? What is <em>this</em> even? Why Strawberry Soft bread? Why is Jay saying it that way? Why is this is so much worse than if they were both double-fisting Frank Rolls? Eating this bread the way Jay is insisting they eat this bread —again IN PUBLIC— is a concept beyond terrifying. It is mortifying.</p><p> </p><p>Yang Jungwon almost gets up and runs.</p><p> </p><p>ENHYPEN’s Park Jay, this fancy lad, his Jay hyung, this eccentric Mister Expensive Park Jongseong— knocks him out and he falls apart despite being so smart. Jay-ah knocks him right out of the park.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy stares at their tray, bread behind the eyes. </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>With his eye twitching, he stares straight at Jay, the older boy’s face a portrait of inner peace in lavender blonde. They’re quiet. This is a staring match, but hyung won’t play that. He wants to win this, quick. Smug, slowly his lip curls and he flashes the smallest, most obvious smile.</p><p> </p><p>“AAAARGH! DAMNIT HYUNG!” Jungwon breaks face, grabs the table once again and rattles, yelling completely out of his neck.</p><p> </p><p>“Shh.” Jay resumes his cool tone, “Not so loud. People can hear you.” He shakes his head in mock disappointment, picking up a Curry Croquette and a Strawberry Soft with each hand, “Also, I bought you a savory <em>AND</em> a sweet snack?!” He waves each bread by the packaging with dramatic crinkle, “Appreciate that?!” He slowly points a Strawberry Soft right at his dongsaeng’s face and with so much wholesome energy in his voice he coos, “Wonie, I care.”</p><p> </p><p>Wide-eyed the Sheep Garden swats the sweet loaf out of his hyung’s hand with a crisp smack. “YOU!?” he shrieks, grabbing a Curry Croquette and tearing into the wrapper. “Let me crumple this entire thing of curry bread in my mouth—” angrily, he takes too big a bite of his savory bread. He almost chokes, and he grabs his drink only to realize, “Ah shit! I drank my ball tea too quick! DAMNIT,” he instantly makes himself cringe with the words his brain reaches for.</p><p> </p><p>Smug and calm with his chin rested on the back of his hand, Jay passes his <em>Volvic</em>, “I wouldn’t be mad if you ate the other bread that way too,” he holds the tall bottle like a pointer and pokes Jungwon’s cheek with the spout, “There’s no wrong way to eat bread.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon takes the bottle with a claw handed grip, his eyes stare little daggers. In a bread affect, he seethes, “… you bitch.”</p><p> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Speaking of which.” hyung chirps cheerfully, “I have a theory about Jake’s letter. Do you wanna hear it?”</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“NO.” he hisses, “No Jake right now. Let me seethe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, boss.” Jay smiles. It starts with a fine line, a closed-lip grin and grows slow and steady until he shows teeth. Bright as the sun, he smiles. His energy is wholesome, loving and kind. It’s beautiful and its exquisite, although if you factor in the context, this smile is genuinely fucked up. The older boy glows with the satisfaction he feels knowing he’s succeeded in inflicting a reciprocal feeling of illicit discomfort to this person he adores. Assertively, inappropriately and in public.</p><p> </p><p>The smile makes the younger boy swoon, as does the implication. He does everything in his power to keep this reaction to himself so he proceeds to drink water. He continues to pretend to drink water, turning the bottle up spout to mouth for a little too long.</p><p> </p><p>Jay sees that intention so he turns his attention their bread. He unwraps them each, arranges them on the wax paper and starts to stage a photograph. He takes Jungwon’s unattended half-eaten curry bread and sets it in place. Taking out his phone, he switches to camera mode and aims really close.</p><p> </p><p>Superfluously parched, the young boy asks, “What’re you doing now, Jay-ah?”</p><p> </p><p>“Taking too many explicit photographs of this bread.” Jay says with a wickedness, “I’ll spam these to Sunoo the next time he pisses me off at home with that Fresh Bread Candle.” He smirks wide with teeth. It’s beautiful with the brilliance of countless stars. “Check it.” He presents his screen and shows his work, proud of his own artistry.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy puffs out his cheeks and starts trembling with so much canned laughter. This is top-tier, close friendship trolling. It’s a good picture, it’s classy and it’s seductive but not in the way the young boy thought about when Jay teased him with these same Strawberry Soft rolls. This shot still IS designed to troll, but it’s customized to trigger someone else, Kim Sunoo. A view of bread in intimacy, bread he can’t have because it’s in the past. It looks good enough to eat, from up so close that you can almost smell the sweetness of strawberries and a slight warmth of curry, plus bread from the picture. In so many ways it’s uniquely cruel... but it’s just <em>actual</em> BREAD. To Jay, Sunoo has wronged him with that candle in similar ways with the scent of fresh baked bread that isn’t there. He takes these photos for the purpose of inducing a specific feeling of disappointment, a longing breadlessness. With the same bread he taunts both, switching the energy with his delivery, cropping view and adjusting color to perform an effective custom-fit jab at his target audience.</p><p> </p><p>Jay is a superior tease. He is next level. He is an Elite Class troll and Jungwon lives for this complexity. He lives for this humor and it’s wholesome foundation. There’s nothing quite like bending at the waist when Jay makes you laugh. He is so proud to be Jay’s peer, his teammate, his ‘boss,’ but more than that he's happy to call him his closest, most favorite <em>friend</em>. Thinking on that, his heart breaks a little.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Godamnit. I love you more and more everyday, Jay-ah. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><span class="u">Random Brand Notes</span>: <em>TOUS le JOURS</em> is a Korean version of a French bakery chain which thankfully exists in my area. I remember the first time I bought this bread, this strawberry flavored bread legit excited for completely wholesome reasons. At a traffic stop I tore into a package and start eating it next to some drivers at a stop. I saw people laugh and I laughed too, realizing this doesn't look right. (p.s. those were photos I took in the story)</p><p><em>Yves Saint Laurent / YSL</em> - I've been calling this brand Easel forever. Let's all call it Easel. It's cooler that way. Join my cult.</p><p>_________</p><p> <br/>I can't get over the fact Jungwon said 'ball tea' in a friggin official video. I swear, I love what a shit-stirrer my bias is. Whether or not he knows English that way, I DO NOT CARE. It made me laugh and I will take that laugh and pour it into a jar along with the rest of my screams. So precious. So perfect. God could not have made a more perfect creature 🥺🥺🥺</p><p>How’re we doing? Let me know in the comments  please? I’d love to read how this is for you. Let me know how this feels so far and what you think of this bread? Were the pictures a little much? 😬 Thank you kindly. xx</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. mmffph?!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon and Jay split up. Literally.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For a sixth time today Yang Jungwon looks at an image that changes his current trajectory.</p><p> </p><p>The trigger images in order of appearance: a vivid dream, a doodle on a sticky note, an illicit pair of photographs, a fashionable selca and wholesome graffiti. Now the sixth, a fresh picture of questionable bread taken by his expensive benefactor.</p><p> </p><p>What he sees on the top left corner of the screen shakes him. <b>7:58</b></p><p> </p><p>Awareness seeps in like a chill. The mall closes in roughly thirty minutes. He has to think fast. <em>They</em> have to act fast. Bread jokes can wait. Task life awaits. He takes a beat, it’s all he needs to workshop scenarios in his mind. Leader mode goes off standby and he multitasks again. While he questions the wisdom of taking that part of himself offline to lean a hard left into silly, it was worth it to be completely present. These moments were a gift in itself, to himself. No regrets. However, he is kicking and screaming at himself for not clocking the time when he scrolled through the wall of text that was his notification screen earlier.</p><p> </p><p>It was right there but he felt too much to notice, so he says to himself.</p><p> </p><p>When he emerges from his head, he’s in a different place, emotionally. Mostly mentally. He just drank a minute like a month and concocted a strategy to achieve this goal that he will not back down from —purchasing effective guilt gifts for his team.</p><p> </p><p>With his eyebrows in knotted in steely determination, he looks past the screen, past the bread, past the <em>Volvic</em> at the blonde smiling in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung, I think you and I need to split up,” he says, collected. A stark difference from who he was, freaking out over bread innuendo. “We don’t have time for this. You know that, right?”</p><p> </p><p>This takes hyung by surprise. “What? Wonie are you serious?” He nearly drops his phone on bread.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” the answer comes without a second thought.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Jay is crestfallen. Heartbroken.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you <em>breaking up</em> with me?” Tears start welling in his eyes and it’s heard it in his voice, a takeover of liquid emotion. “Over <em>bread?”</em></p><p> </p><p>Yang-deo is thrown off guard, “I’m sorry, break up what?” His head tilts, dispassionate and confused.</p><p> </p><p>A single tear falls from Jay’s face, frozen stoic.</p><p> </p><p>In that moment the implication registers, “Wait, what?!” Jungwon’s eyes go huge, jaw dropping. Against COVID health and safety protocol his hand flies over his mouth in public.</p><p> </p><p>The part of him that’s just a person wants to disassemble that question right NOW, but Leader-nim —leader him knows that now is not the time. In fact, there is NO time left for flirtatious, hyperbolic bullshit. He scrambles to calculate a solution for this misunderstanding and ease into taking care of business as soon as possible.</p><p> </p><p>Two sides of himself wrestle, his over-developed superego and his large yet immature id. On the sidelines his ego lays in a fetal position, slowly feeding himself popcorn, equally amused, afraid and unable to look away.</p><p> </p><p>In a panic, he reaches for the unsettling loaf and slaps Jay across the face with bread intention, leaving a fine dusting of flour on his cheek and his glasses.</p><p> </p><p>Jay reacts the way he should, with narrowed eyes and a stoic ‘what the fuck’ look.</p><p> </p><p>Leader Kid drops the bread, mortified with his impulsive action. Presumably, to try to even the playing field and prove that he isn’t upset, he picks the other Strawberry Soft and slaps himself bread across the face. His brain chose to hold a new loaf to distribute an even brush of flour on his cheek. He drops the bread again, still horrified, worried about the state of his judgment.</p><p> </p><p>He used to love his brain.</p><p> </p><p>Why he didn’t just use his words to say what pours out of his mouth next is anyone’s guess.</p><p> </p><p>“I was talking about shopping! The mall closes in half an hour. We need to split up to cover more ground. Efficiency, that’s all I meant.” Too many syllables in one breath then a nervous ask, “Are we okay?” He tries to end with a smile, but it comes out an odd grimace.</p><p> </p><p>Jay wears a look befitting of this recent experience, flatlined confusion with the smallest facial features. He takes off his glasses, takes his pocket square to wipe down his lenses and his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course we are,” hyung says, nonchalant. “I’m guessing you have a plan in the works?”</p><p> </p><p>Yang Garden breathes a sigh of relief, “Yeah. I do, but we gotta go now.” Hurried, he stands up retrieving a case of <em>Galaxy Buds+</em> from his bag, “I still gotta work some kinks out, but I’ll fill you in soon as I have something actionable.” He starts to sling a strap over his shoulder when he’s stopped by Jay who grabs the strap and his entire backpack away, “Hyung, what the—<em>mmffph?!”</em></p><p> </p><p>Jay now with bag has just shoved a strawberry loaf in the young boy’s mouth. Its a ridiculously soft bread, you can cram a lot in there with the right intention, and this hyung has intention. He almost went through his first serious heartbreak at this boy's expense.</p><p> </p><p>A little shaken, but pleasantly surprised because this bread is bomb, he bites down. This is good bread. As bread it does more than its job. It is pleasant and fruity without tasting artificial. This is a light snack he would reach for had he known what it was when given a choice. Sure, too much bread for one bite, but he will take it because he is a man and always man wins over bread.</p><p> </p><p>Still holding loaf, Jay takes the rest of the bread after Jungwon’s bite. It is approximately half of the whole and he does the same thing, cram it all in one bite. True to his word, he resolves to have the same experience. They look odd, but equally so with cheeks puffed out and lightly dusted, mouths noshing. It's a lot to chew on and for a few moments they have no choice but to shut the fuck up and digest. That’s a good thing sometimes, especially when you’ve got a proclivity for mental multitasking. A lot of self-reflection can happen when all you can do is nom on tasty bread.</p><p> </p><p>While they chew, Jungwon pulls out his phone, diligently continuing to lay the groundwork for his plan. Jay he slips on the younger boy’s bag. He wears the straps now and he does so like it’s just part of his outfit, deliberately.</p><p> </p><p>Finished eating, Jungwon takes the bottle of <em>Volvic</em> and washes it down. While he drinks, Jay while chewing dusts flour off his dongsaeng’s cheek with his pocket square, polite as ever, doting on this doll of a boy. He passes the <em>Volvic</em> to Jay who catches up quick. He can eat fast if he wants to, as most boys do.</p><p> </p><p>Before hyung hydrates he does something quick, something that you’d miss if you blinked. He leans in and licks a spot of strawberry cream from the young boy’s mouth, on the corner on his lower lip with a flick of his tongue. A passing observer would guess that was a secret between friends whispered in haste.</p><p> </p><p>Jay, nonplussed shrugs, “I would’ve used my thumb, but COVID,” he lifts the <em>Volvic</em> in a cheers with his free hand on a backpack strap, “and I’m not getting that kind of food residue on my pocket square,” he walks ahead, unapologetic and spinning obvious bullshit. “That’s not how you treat silk.”</p><p> </p><p>Yang Garden’s neck tilts at an unusual angle, staring at a stack of unused napkins by the tray of abandoned bread. With one last step, Jungwon offers a silent apology to this bread by way of a two finger hearts. He thanks the bread. He’ll never forget.</p><p> </p><p>Slipping on his mask, he thinks of how he wishes he didn’t have to because right now it is a little hard to breathe. He meets up with Jay, stopped at a bin to throw out the empty bottle, also resuming Mask Life. With his eyes to his phone the whole way, Jungwon hangs on to Jay’s arm, relying on him —trusting implicitly to lead the way forward as they walk briskly toward <em>Yves Saint Laurent.</em></p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p>Jay stands in front of another glass case, hailing a clerk. He choses two pieces, a brooch and a pendant necklace. This morning when he was at the private club manned by that familiar Ahjussi with no morals, between sips of Irish coffee and bites of chocolate croissant he browsed through look books —of this brand specifically, intending to drop by in person for sentimental reasons. When he saw these he knew they’d be perfect for those two, rife with potential for assigned meaning. He has his reasons and he will make time to elaborate. All he has to do is have them pulled from behind glass and pay.</p><p> </p><p>Next to him, still on his phone, Yang-deo finally finishes his initial research and emerges with his plan.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, Jay-ah,” Jungwon begins, “I know what to get Niki-ah that’s equally appropriate and meaningful to matches the vibe of Sunoo-ya’s gift.”</p><p> </p><p>This solution is based a few data points: known inside jokes, texts logs, an Amazon Wishlist, the mall floor plan, the shop directory, and known facts on SunKi’s dynamic.</p><p> </p><p>He continues with his conundrum, “Problem is, it’s on the other side of the mall to the west. One of us has to run there. I know I’m the best option because you have to hang east side to get to back the jewelry store with your <em>Easel</em> buys. It’s nuts but it’s feasible. We’ll just meet up outside after closing.” He takes a quick breath, looking up at a light fixture as he thinks with his brows knotted, “That said, I don’t know what to get Jake.”</p><p> </p><p>With a hand on Jay’s shoulder he says, “Jay hyung, I need your strength. We don’t have time to go through Jake’s deal, but you have a theory on his letter.” He proposes an idea and clearly delegates, “Check through the mall directory and scan the list of shops west to hit up for Jake’s present. I don’t know what half these stores are, but you do. Try to piece together your intel while you’re static, waiting for engraving. Call as soon you figure something out,” he points to his ear with his buds in, “but I gotta go like five minutes ago.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds good.” Jay says nodding, also multitasking, sliding his black card on a console to check out, “I can do that.”</p><p> </p><p>“One more thing,” Jungwon’s tone changes a bit, his brows furrow and he frowns a bit, “Without you I can’t pay. These gifts are pricey. How do I make this happen?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, normally I’d hand you a card but,” Jay is unsure of how to say this nicely, taking a shopping bag from across the counter, “I only have this on me today.” He refers to the card he slips in his wallet, “No offense but you don’t pass as someone who’s supposed to have a black card dressed like that. Don’t get me wrong, you are <em>very</em> cute but—”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s fair. I DO look like a human boy who isn’t made of money.” Jungwon is not offended, but he cuts him off not wanting to hear much more, “How do we do this then?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes scan the shop. Quickly, he palms the clerk in front of him a thick wad of cash who responds with a nod, turning away to say a few unintelligible words on a walkie-talkie.</p><p> </p><p>“Come with me,” he says expensively, offering no explanation.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon is curious and confused, even more so when Jay takes him by the hand and starts leading him further into the store. The feeling doubles he notices staff recede when they walk into a spacious dressing room with a heavy floor-to-ceiling curtain closing behind them. When Jay drops his haul, slips off the backpack, starts to undo his overcoat and unbutton his suit jacket, this curious confusion quadruples and is joined by a flustered fear.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! I—” Alarmed, Jungwon takes a few steps back, tripping on his feet. He recalls how he unintentionally rejected Jay. “Jay-ah, please… We have to get on task?” He pleads, not wanting to repeat that wanton hurt and babbles further, “I DO want you too, but we don’t have time for th—”</p><p> </p><p>This is immediately interrupted by the sight of a few fat STACKS —a baller amount of KR₩ that Jay casually pulls out of the inner pockets of his suit jacket.</p><p> </p><p>“I can cash.” Jay says in a monotone with a very slight lift of an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes go SO wide at his gross misread and at this gross obscenity. “Cheese and fucking crimes,” his tone goes from flat to a full whisper scream, “HYUNG, ARE YOU TRYING TO GET <em>ROBBED?</em> WHY do you carry that much cash on you?!” He tears his light blue mask off to show the extent of his displeasure.</p><p> </p><p>Now himself panicked, Jay gets in his personal space to whisper scream back, “NOT SO LOUD. Wonie, you’re gonna get <em>ME</em> robbed?!”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon frowns with a shiver, his eye twitching again. “LOOK AT YOU.” He dead whisper screams, snatching Jay’s mask off, getting in his face, “YOU look <em>expensive</em> as fuck?! This outfit?! What <em>the fuck</em> is up with this outfit? And your <em>HAIR?!”</em> Frustrated and something else he growls through gritted teeth, “I should ask YOU if you’re trying to get robbed. AND LAID?!” The last part just sort of slips out, he’ll blame that on the same part of his brain that used bread to slap face.</p><p> </p><p>Jay barely cocks his head, keeps composure and this intimate proximity. “Thank you for the compliment,” he takes this praise with grace and abruptly unzips Jungwon’s puffy coat, “however we do not have time for this.”</p><p> </p><p>Incredulous but calm Jungwon says puzzled, “I have hugged you SO much today. How did you not feel like a rack of paperback novels in my arms?”</p><p> </p><p>“I have a good coat,” Jay says matter-of-fact, distributing stacks of KR₩ equally into puffy coat inner pockets and zips him back up with a small smile. “All set, boss.” His hands land on the boy’s shoulders with an airy pat.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy’s head lilts, he does a deep blink and breathes out a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You’re</em> a good coat.” He looks up, the corners of his mouth turn up with a timid grin, looking visibly flustered. He looks down at their masks in his hands, idling, frustrated that his sense of responsibility is stronger than his desire to indulge in distraction. “I have to go. Run.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay nods, pats his head fluffy and takes his mask from the boy’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>For a minute, Jungwon lets the bread side of his brain take over. He lifts his head slightly to deliver an apology and warning, “Jay-ah. I’m sorry about earlier, but I’m not sorry for this,” he says, leaning upward just barely. It’s all it takes to close the space. Closing his eyes, he kisses Jay’s lips, sneaking his arms beneath his suit jacket, wrapping around fine distressed fabric. It’s soft and longing but he doesn’t linger, it’s smooth and delicate like silk with the taste of sweet strawberry. He leaves his aggression for another time. With his mouth he treats this Treat like the luxury he is. Jay responds by holding him close, but not too close, by his elbows and he reciprocates. He takes this apology with grace and he’ll own this slice of time just until it’s over. He won’t linger or try get between what this boy feels he needs to do.</p><p> </p><p>The kiss is short, soft and sweet but when you drink in your minutes like months a brief moment weighs a ton. They waste more time trying to part.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy pulls back, smiling and shy. “Call me later? About Jake. Or just call me,” his hands won’t leave silk, though he has to, “but I won’t be able to talk while running coz I’ll be breathing. Hard.” He almost laughs.</p><p> </p><p>With a closed mouth smile, Jay nods an affirmative. He sees that opportunity to lean into silly, but he won’t bite. Not this time. He’ll try to get the boy back on track, but he too wouldn’t mind saying ‘fuck it’ to Task Life. Gently he pries those hands from himself and takes the light blue mask.</p><p> </p><p>“Um,” Jungwon continues a little absently, “I’ll let you know when I get Niki’s gift.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” Jay fits the mask back on the boy’s face, “Be safe,” he could go a faster, but he has to be gentle with those ears. They have buds, “and don’t run too fast,” of course, he can’t let him leave without making sure his hair looks good, “you’ll get appendicitis.” There, now he’s perfect.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, good call,” the boy nods, charmed. “By the way, thanks for taking my bag… and Mask Life.”</p><p> </p><p>“My pleasure,” hyung buttons his suit jacket back in place, “See you later.”</p><p> </p><p>“Same,” dongsaeng finds himself trying to grab at backpack straps that aren’t there.</p><p> </p><p>Jay fixes his outer coat, “Good hunting,” he ties the belt in a fashionable knot.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon turns halfway out of the dressing room, “You too,” he shoots a finger gun and with the other hand grabs a hold of the heavy dressing room curtain.</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes his head, tickled by how much time has passed and how that response didn't make any sense, “I’ll do my best,” he tilts his head an 'aww,' reaching down to wear the backpack once again, “You have to go. Now,” he says with no urgency, smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay?” Jungwon realizes he’s actively stalling and starts smiling wide, “Um, bye?” He waves a hand, pulling the curtain back.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye bye, boss.” Jay’s all teeth, and he covers it up when he affixes his own mask, “Miss you already.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon freezes halfway out the curtain, turns around with a hard pout behind his mask and his eyebrows furrowed deep. At full volume, he yells with a point of a finger, “NO! YOU!!” then he runs away at full speed.</p><p> </p><p>Finally alone in the dressing room, Jay bends at the waist and starts laughing to himself. Before he can get past the curtain he receives a text asking him to buy two more loaves of Strawberry Soft from <em>TOUS le JOURS </em>on his way out the 4th floor. He responds with an age appropriate text to that request.</p><p> </p><p>🤭👌</p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p>Back at the jewelry shop, Jay notices something different. He wonders if there was always this many clerks. As well, he notices that they seem a little gloomy. How he gets that vibe with everyone wearing masks is curious. At the counter he deposits two pieces to engrave from a brand he now pronounces as <em>Easel</em>, a <a href="https://www.ysl.com/en-us/necklaces/cube-pendant-necklace-in-metal-and-enamel-631592Y15218110.html">pendant necklace</a> and a <a href="https://www.ysl.com/en-us/brooches/opyum-ysl-brooch-in-metal-635511Y15008204.html">brooch</a> for Park Sunghoon and Lee Heeseung respectively.</p><p> </p><p>On for the piece for his one-and-only unit, his best <em>actual </em>friend —a square pendant divided into four smaller tiles in black and oxidized silver on a simple long chain— he requests four letters engraved on the reverse. Behind the upper two tiles, an ’S’ and a ‘J’. On the lower tile, a ‘J’ and an ‘H’. The ‘J’s land behind the black, the ’S’ and the ‘H’ on the oxidized metal. It represents how Sunghoon brought the four of them together, a subunit Jungwon affectionately calls his nuclear family within the team. Black for JayWon and oxidized metal —in the light, analogous to white— SungSeung. He hopes that whenever Sunghoon wears this he feels how close to his heart Jay keeps their connection.</p><p> </p><p>For the piece for his beloved hyung, this person he admires who in so many ways helped his heart bloom, he requests two words engraved on the flat side of the brooch. On top stroke of the ‘L’ the word ‘ALWAYS’ and on the tail of the ‘Y’ the word ’TOGETHER.’ The brooch is a classic <em>YSL</em> monogram, designed to look like each letter is tightly wound with innumerable strands of fine rope. It is overtly branded and overtly valuable. It expresses tension and cohesion with delicate complexity. As a whole this is a message to his first love. It is a warning, an encouragement and also the way Jay sees him still. Overtly valuable, tenuously put together and altogether precious.</p><p> </p><p>While Jay waits for this customization, he steps outside to lean on the glass storefront bay. He thinks about Jake, the letter and his own educated guess as a youth who regularly writes paper letters. In so many ways, he wishes that letter wasn’t what he thinks it is. If it could just be a thick envelope full of drawings in crayon for Lyla the dog he wouldn’t feel this much sorrow for his friend.</p><p> </p><p>Jay has a guess of who the letter's Layla could be. He’s not exactly right, but he’s in the ballpark of correct.</p><p> </p><p>Looking through the department store directory he spots a familiar name in the pop-up shop section on the west side. It’s where Jungwon is, conveniently also on the same floor. Curious, as it's not a typical luxury line that graces the <em>Galleria Luxury Hall.</em> This brand might have occupancy because it is Christmas time and people are shopping. When Jay was a child in America, he recalls visiting the flagship store in New York City on holiday with his family. Little Jongseong remembers being floored by all the life-sized plush animals within the store, a unique line exclusive to <em>F.A.O. Schwartz. </em>They had a display with all sorts of domestic animals and safari wild life. He has many fond memories of that day.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Shit. That’s it!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Without a second to waste, he calls Jungwon who answers immediately, breathless and struggling for air. The younger boy just picked up a pair of <em>Sennheiser Momentum</em> earbuds— noise cancelling, expensive and high key pretty with its polished metal accents. That detail along with its superior 28 hour battery life makes it a perfect gift to pair with Sunoo’s apostrophes, a perfect pair of earrings. </p><p> </p><p>On the call, Jay tells Jungwon what to get and where it is on the floorplan. They stay on the line until Jungwon finds it, a life sized Labrador Retriever plush the color of real Lyla.</p><p> </p><p>“THE FUCK?! Jay hyung, you’re a fucking GENIUS!” Jungwon screams into the call so loud that Jay has to pull his phone back from his ear, “You DID IT! With less than ten minutes to spare, you FUCKING DID IT! This is madness!?” The boy is freaking out at how seamlessly their plan fell together, “I’m checking out now. My god, this DOG is fucking PERFECT!”</p><p> </p><p>Shaking in laughter Jay brings his phone back to his ear, “Calm down, Wonie! But thank you, I really tried,” proud of himself and happy to be praised he shyly touches the back of his neck, fancy cheesing in public, “Relax a bit after that, catch your breath. Don’t bother trying to run back here. I’ll call for a car when I get done here and we’ll drive up to meet on the west side exit. Cool?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! Solid, actionable plan.” Jungwon sounds giddy on the call, “Jay-ah, I—I feel like this is the sort of sense of accomplishment a fancy adult would break out cigars for. I’m so stoked this worked out. Thank you so much.” That contained excitement flooded with adrenaline from that long run and the joy of a mission well done comes across completely. “Goddamnit, I’m so happy I could kiss you—EVERYWHERE!”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! Behave yourself?!” Jay laughs, heart jumping to his throat, feeling the energy in his dongsaeng’s voice, “You’re right though, this IS kind of a fancy cigar moment.” On his periphery he spots a kiosk, a rare specialty pop-up shop. It gives him an idea, “I’m gonna let you go. Chill, okay? Maybe buy more water. I kinda feel like shit still, you probably do too.”</p><p> </p><p>“I gotta go too, I just paid for this dog and I think I’m gonna go ham with your leftover money and buy something stupid and fancy for the house. Talk soon,” Looks like Jungwon also got hit with spontaneous inspiration, “—HYUNG?! You still there?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay was about to hang up, but he caught the tail end of that phone yell, “Yeah, what’s up? I’m here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Before you leave the jewelry shop, turn up the charm and tip the shit out of them. <em>ALL</em> of them. You’re using a card, you’ll have a trail and we were kind of… TOO MUCH and they have cameras everywhere.” Jungwon cautions him with facts he’s sussed and kept in his pocket. “When they run your card, they’ll have your full name. Pretty sure when we debut and the world knows you’re blonde EVERYONE in the shop will put two and two together. We don’t want to be outed as four. They kind of enjoyed us a little too much for comfort.”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy blinks a few times and turns to look in the direction of the jewelry store. He notices a few heads snap back, hair flying to hide their obvious stares. “Oh, that’s not a problem,” Jay says, casually waving to a few female clerks from outside, “I haven’t checked out yet so, I won’t use the card. I can cash this whole transaction and tip everyone big easy. Good looking out, Wonie.”</p><p> </p><p>“… Jay hyung, remind me someday to have a serious talk with you about money management.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” Expensive Jay hangs his head in shame, “Yes, boss.”</p><p> </p><p>They hang up. Jay walks to the <em>Pierre Cigar Club </em>to pick up a surprise crime for Jungwon.</p><p> </p><p>///////////////////////</p><p> </p><p>Fur-trimmed hood up, Jungwon waits outside the West entrance of the mall with two luxury shopping bags, a large bottle of water and a full-sized Labrador Retriever plush toy tucked underneath his arm, bouncing on his heels partly to keep warm, partly because he’s absolutely buzzing. He feels victorious.</p><p> </p><p>It is five minutes after closing.</p><p> </p><p>A black <em>Cadillac Escalade</em> with chrome spinners rolls up. He figures this expensive vehicle must to be his ride. A driver comes out to meet him to take his purchases to the trunk and open the passenger door. Jay sits on the far left seat without his outer coat with his legs crossed, a pen to a page on a notebook from Jungwon’s backpack.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We're tying things up, loose ends from Spa Day get braided into 0204. I am buzzing, ngl. </p><p>This chapter got me thinking about trying a new side hustle as a copywriter for brands or specific products. This fic is pretty much me amassing writing samples for that job? I've pimped out SO MANY brands on this fic alone, I have no idea why I'm so hard on that theme but I LIVE.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Go on. Go off.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>JayWon finally talk about Jake.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>part 1 of 4 in the’Scalade.<br/>_____</p><p>Hey guess what? It's this series' one month publishing anniversary! Happy 1 month to this brainchild of mine. I love you so much 0204. You make me proud. 🥳🎂</p><p>_____</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Yo, Wonie!” Jay looks up from writing, twirling a pen in salutation. “Hope you don’t mind, I’m borrowing a page,” he points to the notebook perched on his knee, “I’m writing a letter for Jake to go with his gift.” Naturally, he looks at home hanging out in an <em>Escalade’s</em> luxe leather interiors. “I didn’t read anything in here but I noticed you do a lot of random math.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon steps into the vehicle tosses his mask and takes a seat. “Yeah, I partake in recreational math,” he shrugs, “Go for it, but careful. Heeseungie and Sunghoonie hyung’s photos are in there.”</p><p> </p><p>When he notices the partition preemptively up he raises an eyebrow. With that he sheds his big puffy coat, kicks off his new innocent shoes and plots something fun.</p><p> </p><p>“Cool and noted. This’ll be worth it. I’m taking a wholesome shit <em>inside</em> Jake’s heart.” Jay says, still writing with a cocky grin, “I’m gonna touch him so hard in all his soft places with that he <em>will</em> shake <em>when</em> he cries,” he says proudly.</p><p> </p><p>“I endorse this completely,” Jungwon gives a thumbs up with tongue in his teeth. Water in hand, he dives across the cabin to get closer. “Jay-ah! Check this stupid fancy water I bought us to celebrate. Seems like your style.” Like a wand, he waves a tall glass bottle of <em>VOSS</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Oooh! Artesian Norwegian class in glass. Good job!” Jay nods in approval taking the water to a cupholder, “Thank you! Expensive me is impressed with your bourgeoning boujeeness,” a penned hand comes up to his chest, “I’m so into this! Didn't think you had it in you to get extra with water. Wonie, you touch me right in the sentiment.”</p><p> </p><p>“You packed me stacks I had no emotional attachment to so it was easy to go big. I, too, saw glass and thought ‘huh, class.’ I got it coz it’s perfectly you. Plus I know you’re hard for European water.” Jungwon cheeses with a yawn. Stretching big, his arms fall back over Jay’s lap. “Hyuuung, this car’s HUGE! I can nap like a boss in here. Me likey,” he rolls around on the spacious seat, winds down with a deep exhale and closes his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Jay laughs with a glib, “Good! I went all out to celebrate too.” Finished writing, he tears the page out of the notebook carefully, folds it into fourths and slips the note in his suit pocket. Writing implements get packed away in the backpack on the floorboard.</p><p> </p><p>Turning his attention to the boy in blue knot on his right, he strokes through hair and asks, “You napping?”</p><p> </p><p>Sheep Garden's eyes open drowsy to Jay peering over from above, waves of blonde framing face, “Nope. You’ll get an invite when I do. What’s up?” he rises with his elbows.</p><p> </p><p>When there's enough of an opening, he rushes in with arms around the broadside of his dongsaeng’s shoulders. “Congratulations on beating Task Life, Jungwonie!” he hugs with an exaggerated jostle.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks!” Jungwon smiles all dimples, sticking his tongue out through his teeth, “WE did it!” He hugs back wholesome, leaning his head in with the energy of an ‘aww,’ “This was all you Jay hyung. Your plan and your money. I just chipped in at the end.”</p><p> </p><p>While this was Jay’s brainchild and his mission, to come back home with souvenirs, that’s just not how this works anymore. Like Jungwon’s crimes are his, so is this act of lavish hostility. Guilt gifting is this subunit’s brainchild.</p><p> </p><p>Jay crossed this line into expensive aggression because the Spa Day Trio plus +1s’ shenanigans have soured him puckered. That moment when he finally got over his own sense of shame, they dinged a crucial experience—his first kiss. He resents having suffered at the team’s expense. Is he salty? Of fucking course. The sight of Sunghoon’s name in code was enough to override his own subtext formatting, making null and void his bold italic energy, striking right through his potential to JungONE.</p><p> </p><p>For a few hours he was possessed with the spirit of guilt gifting, weaving a scheme to avenge JayWon. Spiritually, he aims to disinfect their free will by hugging the team into submission. This group smothering will pay off with utmost loyalty.</p><p> </p><p>He’ll never forget this R.A.S. and how it pushed him from an extra option to main accessory. Now he just needs to calm down and drink some honey.</p><p> </p><p>“OUR plan. This was ALL teamwork.” Jay says proudly, patting Jungwon's chest in praise. “They’re gonna feel so awful, I can’t wait. It’ll be great and we did great! Get on my lap, let’s celebrate.”</p><p> </p><p>Cheerful, he pumps fist in the air, “Yay! Teamwork! Oh. No,” then a grimace, “Boo. Team. Work. Ugh!” his head temporarily disconnects from his neck, “Jay-ah, I don’t want to deeeal. I thought I could finally relax,” Sheep-deo throws a fit in monotone, flopping onto Jay’s chest. “Gimme hugs. Hold meeeeh,” he bleats, dramatic.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww,” Jay’s head tilts, closing the hug plus back rub, “Fuck work! Let’s break into this <em>VOSS</em>, boss!”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I thought that’d get a laugh.” He shakes his head, leaning forward to reach for glassed water.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon falls to his lap like a rag doll, his spine bent and twisted at an uncomfortable angle, not bothering to put any effort into holding himself together.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll say fuck work, easy... but fuck team? Can't.” he warbles on a fancy pant thigh.</p><p> </p><p>Jay props him up by the shoulders back onto in the seat next to him and hands him the bottle of <em>VOSS</em>. “Did you forget to email asking tomorrow off?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, that’s set. Did that before water, after shopping,” he looks at glass, half sad.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you leave a shop bag?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I took everything and then some,” he cracks open the cap.</p><p> </p><p>“What else is there to deal with then? Aside from potential homelessness, the home boys being mess, possible assault charges and maybe being outed by randos at a jewelry shop?”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh. Valid, but I’m not bothered by what-ifs yet, except a low grade fear we’ll find the dorm on fire.” Jungwon sighs before he turns up to drink. “Hyung, I don’t want to ask, but I have to know or I’m not gonna be able to nap or sleep well tonight.” He partakes of necessary water.</p><p> </p><p>Jay braces himself, ready to answer this difficult question. With more than enough time to get it together, he’s prepared. He takes a deep breath, “Jungwonie, I—“</p><p> </p><p>Instantly, glass <em>VOSS</em> comes down with an excessive ‘ahh’ and the boy interrupts, “What was your theory on Jake’s letter?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. That?” Jay’s taken aback, but this line of inquiry makes more sense. This kid did buckle skeletally upon hearing himself say the words ’team’ and ‘work.’</p><p> </p><p>Yang hands hyung back the <em>VOSS</em>, “Obviously, you don’t think he’s in danger. I thought you’d suggest an iTaser Pro Max or gold flake pepper spray if you sussed the letter a threat.” He’s in leader mode again, exploring hypotheticals with his second in command. “That or you don’t mind debuting as a six piece. Hyung, all day you’ve been weird when you talk about Jake.” He ends that line, drawing his knees up to the seat to rest his folded arms.</p><p> </p><p>Stalling, Jay inhales a good bit of water knowing there’s a limit to how much he can drink.</p><p> </p><p>The bottle turns down. “Nah, I love our Aussie friend. Seriously. He’s just... a tricky topic,” he says screwing the cap back on.</p><p> </p><p>“Is an English thing?” He asks with a puzzled look, leaning his chin on his arms, “Like an American versus Australian accent thing? Is that a thing?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. That is not a thing!” Hyung shakes blonde with medium violence, placing the water back on the console.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh,” he leans back with an eyebrow raised, “Is this about the entire protected Park Sunghoon between the two of you?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay bites his lower lip displeased, “Yeah. Maybe something else too,” he admits, “I don’t get him. His whole hard for his best friend <em>thing</em> and yet soft for Sunghoon-ah’s very obvious <em>thing</em> with Heeseungie-hyung. Mindfuckingly so, JakeHoon mutually claim to be soulmates. The fuck kind of dissonance is that?” </p><p> </p><p>“Lemme guess, can’t relate?” Jungwon becomes a teenage Carl Jung for the second time that day.</p><p> </p><p>“No shit. Look at us. You’re my <em>favorite</em> best friend and I would fold the globe in half over that.” Jay tries to lead the conversation where he’s ready to go.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww.” Carl Jungwon’s head tilts, “Thanks. You’re my best <em>friend</em> too! My best and favorite <em>friend</em>,” he pats Jay’s arm, wholesome, “but for real, hop off that topic. Later. You’re not dropping the conversation about Jake and Sunghoonie hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>Right when Jay’s finally ready to talk about JayWon, Jungwon won’t have any of it. This cat’s focus is set to laser and he’ll burn through anything that comes between. Jay is annoyed, but he gets it. He’s made <em>him</em> wait for so long that of course <em>he's</em> trained to talk around their <em>thing</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Begrudgingly, Jay resumes with a defeated sigh, “Okay. JakeHoon then. No judgment but YES, judgment. In private, I fucking judge. Not my business but again, what the fuck. That aside, I think he’s a solid sweetheart of a guy. Good heart. Real quick learner. Funny as hell. Props.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. A compliment sandwich with too many condiments. Mess. Very interesting.” Carl Jungwon strokes his imaginary beard, “Please, tell me more.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay leans back into the corner of the cabin with folded arms, “We’re a team but I have my loyalties. How do I not look out for my homie, Hoon-ah and his <em>thing</em>, my hyung? He’s precious.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah,” at that the boy smirks, mirroring the statement. “Hee IS precious. Your crush.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?!” Jay caws, shocked.</p><p> </p><p>“Lee Heeseung, my hyung father,” he clarifies with a heavy-lidded grin, “Someone you crush on.”</p><p> </p><p>“CrushED.” quickly he defends himself with a past participle, “Wait, what makes you say that?”</p><p> </p><p>“You forget I was there with you three. Always, we were four.” Jungwon says with a cunning, “In real time I watched you give up on him,” his feet slide off the leather to a leg cross and folded arms, “but I won’t assume you stopped liking him that way. That’s not being fair to you, that’s not how <em>like</em> works and that’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” This fact does surprise him, “I didn’t think you paid attention to me like that.”</p><p> </p><p>The young boy shrugs, “Jay-ah, you’ve had my eyes for a while. I see you. You have a type. A specific archetype,” he nods, understanding, “Easy-going selfless leaders with high performance aptitudes. You like stable yet gentle people who won’t let you down or take you for granted because you like to give. Hyung, you have hella daddy issues.” Carl Jungwon serves Jay with a quick and dirty psych analysis, “That’s why this <em>thing</em> between us makes sense to me, son.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn.” Jay reels from the steam on this hotplate of truth, “Am I that easy to read?”</p><p> </p><p>“Like a coloring book. An adult coloring book full of <em>Edvard Munch</em> art. A real ‘okay? what the fuck’ but I get it. Still, it’s pretty and I appreciate it.” Pleased to have gotten that confirmation, Jungwon eases up and throws an arm around Jay. “I appreciate you, Park Jongseong. You’re pretty okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay feels SEEN, like someone cracked the password to his soul’s protected pdf and got read in a familiar way, “You ARE Sunghoon-ah’s son,” he reaches over to hold the hand slung around his neck.</p><p> </p><p>“No doubt,” Jungwon says this with pride, “My hyung fathers HeeHoon, you and me. Us four are <em>actual</em> family, emotionally,” he smiles, squeezing Jay’s hand.</p><p> </p><p>“If Heeseungie hyung and Sunghoon-ah are your dads then what am I?”</p><p> </p><p>“Family.” Jungwon answers vaguely, “Part of my OG home away from home. Before Jake, Sunoo and Niki, my three best hyungs were home.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww.” Jay tilts his head into Jungwon’s.</p><p> </p><p>A small smile forms on the boy’s face that slowly grows large. He tries to hide it by tucking in his lip but it's futile, as is his attempt to keep the thought that makes him smile to himself. With that awareness he looks away and leans his head closer into Jay’s.</p><p> </p><p>“… but the honest answer to that is you’re my wife,” he smirks.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” Jay’s left hand goes over his mouth, trying to hold his smile in place, afraid it might run away from his face.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon laughs softly, still looking away. “Yeaaah, I like how you don’t deny that,” he scrunches his nose, and tries to keep himself from smiling too wide too.</p><p> </p><p>They sit in quiet laughter for a bit. Jay doesn’t know what to say, in so many ways it’s true. Called out, he’s lost the nerve to take this chance to talk about their <em>thing</em>. So as he always does, when Jungwon gets side-tracked he steers him back on his self set trajectory.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” Jay clears his throat, and turns to the boy to his right, “Did you want to hear me Jake off or what?”</p><p> </p><p>“PFFFTT!!!” Jungwon bends at the waist, forward, forgetting he still has his arm around Jay, who lurches forward right along with him. Jay won’t let go of his hand, so after a good laugh, they fall back to how they were seated.</p><p> </p><p>Sighing after that spontaneous cackle Jungwon answers, “Aaah, you had me at Jake. Go on. Go off. I can’t wait.” </p><p> </p><p>Proud, Jay gives himself a treat, sliding down his seat to rest his head on the young boy’s shoulder. To him there’s nothing quite like the simple little pleasure of making Yang Jungwon laugh. He lives for that laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Basically, I THINK he’s fine,” he lets Jungwon’s hand go to wrap an arm around his waist, “It sucks for someone and I’m not sure if Jake’s that someone but essentially, everything is okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“What IS the letter then?” the younger boy asks, shifting his legs off the floor to curl up closer.</p><p> </p><p>Jay starts to speak as if giving expert witness testimony in court.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I <em>know</em> letters. I write a lot of them but that’s me and I’m Distinctly Different<em>,”</em> he says, quoting half of the <em>Volvic</em> tagline, “While we’re a lot alike, Jakethy is not that shade of different. A paper letter out of school is a big ask. A paper letter across the sea is a fucking task. Why not text? Why not just turn on capitalization on Notepad app, freeform then copy-paste in email? An ’02 liner sending a paper letter by post has to really care, be chill without an immediate response and trust that the recipient is the kind who paper writes back or be good with not getting anything in return.”</p><p> </p><p>“That checks out. Do go on.” Jungwon is wrapped in this theory but unwraps himself from Jay. He goes about to multitask.</p><p> </p><p>Jay pouts a bit but continues, saying the following lines with certainty, “So Jake writes a letter. Now who did he send this to? For sure, not his dog. Not a Shim, his family.”</p><p> </p><p>Faintly, he registers that Jungwon’s placed his bag to the far right cabin seat. He sits back and lets it happen.</p><p> </p><p>“Here’s what I know based on how it felt in my hand: There’s at least four sheets of paper in there. It’s written by hand in English. I know what a stack of hangul on paper feels like, this isn’t it. Beneath the envelope, the writing’s raised like Braille and that’s serious. That’s a coated gloss envelope. That's thick. As fuck, that is thick.”</p><p> </p><p>He watches Jungwon drape his puffy coat over his bag, fluffing the padded plush.</p><p> </p><p>“I shouldn’t feel handwriting on anything that thick. That’s a feat only a seriously heavy hand makes. That’s the pressure of intention and emotion in pen. That’s not Jake. Adding to that it’s dense as fuck. Too many lines in freehand. He probably killed a whole peasant <em>Bic</em> writing. In my opinion, basically, Jake wrote an emotional Rosetta Stone.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s comes back to Jay’s side of the cabin and politely slips off Jay’s suit jacket off for him.</p><p> </p><p>Jay is appreciative, “Thanks, I was getting kinda warm,” and curious. Even more so when his glasses are put away.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon gives an unobtrusive thumbs up and nods. Absolutely, he hangs on every word but he takes liberties with his level of engagement. He’s set up a makeshift pillow and he moves to recline in the cabin lengthwise with his feet up on the seat by Jay’s lap.</p><p> </p><p>“There are only so many reasons why a busy Gen Z boy, an idol trainee would decide to write a letter that long overseas in so much ink, paper and pressure…”</p><p> </p><p>Jay is briefly distracted when he receives an unspoken order via an open palm and the fluid curl of four fingers, “Oh? Okay, I got you,” tongue in his teeth, he obliges.</p><p> </p><p>Now laying his head on Jungwon’s chest with an arm draped over his back, Jay continues to regale with details of his theory,</p><p> </p><p>“This letter is one of four things,” for this Jay enumerates his points with <em>his</em> fingers— the fingers of Jungwon’s right hand.</p><p> </p><p>“One, a sentimental letter to someone he dearly misses.” Jay lifts up the boy’s pinky finger.</p><p> </p><p>“Two, a letter to someone he’s wronged with a lengthy confession or an apology.” Then he straightens out <em>his</em> ring finger for the second point.</p><p> </p><p>“Three, a love letter to someone for he can’t slash won’t confront in person.” With his thumb he plies a third, the middle, smoothing over the three he’s selected as a visual aid from curling.</p><p> </p><p>“Then there’s fourth option, which is all of the above.” For that he takes Jungwon’s pointer finger by the tip, signifying that this is his most plausible conclusion.</p><p> </p><p>“The person that letter was written for did not want to receive any of that.” Jay says this gravely and the fingers of his visual aid curl around his thumb.</p><p> </p><p>Jay lifts his head up and makes eye contact to explain further, “Return to sender is analogue for block,” he explains in relevant terms for his audience, “Jake got BLOCKED by someone who’s pissed. Red blood ink, too many strokes with a left hand PISSED. Whatever’s in there is something deep between Jake and his Block.” The ends sadly with empathy for whatever it is his teammate deals with alone.</p><p> </p><p>The sadness reaches Jungwon too. He sees how Jay feels for Jake, in turn he feels for Jay.</p><p> </p><p>He asks, “Hyung, how are you sure they won’t try to get to him?” reaching up to tuck a tuft of blonde behind Jay’s ear.</p><p><br/>
“When you’re blocked, someone wants nothing to do with you. Not your face, not your words, not even an apology. Any trace of you hurts them. You’re cut out of their life with a block as a knife.” Jay leans his head into the hand with melancholy. “If she won’t read his letter, then she sure as shit won’t make an effort to see him. Her last effort was to write ‘COWARD’ in a way that says she hates his guts.”</p><p> </p><p>With a sigh Jay leans back into the blue sweater. “Sure, she could have a change of heart, but she’s in Australia and if did it wouldn’t be hostile. I don’t think that’s gonna happen. Too much distance, money and time. This letter was from months ago. Before the show. She had time to creep back into his life or get over it.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay feels a light tug on his hair, fingers twirling lazy ringlets. It calms him and he closes his eyes to continue to talk, “Like the rest of us Jake is public, looking good and doing well. Chosen by literal millions— that’s a shit ton of eyes that love us around the globe. He’s protected by fame, by us, by staff, by ENGENE.” </p><p> </p><p>That weight lifts off himself with his conclusion said out loud. He hadn’t realized he carried this since taking the letter away from Jungwon.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, she’ll see him online one day and feel a way, maybe resentment, anger or shame, but it’d be too late. He’s on another level. That’s why I think Jake is safe. He’s not good at hiding unease, so we’d see it in his face if it comes to that… and if she gets close, there’s you and the whole team would have to hold you back or we film an [EN-TER key] where we learn to hide a body.” Jay starts chuckling softly, beneath him Jungwon’s chest shakes with a bit of laughter too.</p><p> </p><p>“Well damn.” Jungwon gives a few soft claps above Jay’s back. “That was excellent, Jay-ah. I’m curious but that’s too heavy to be funny and that’s Jake’s personal life before we met him. For his sake, I hope you’re right.” He eases to wrap them back around silk.</p><p> </p><p>“What’re you gonna do now?” Jay asks, tucking his arm underneath the younger boy, “It’s your call, boss.”</p><p> </p><p>Yang Leader pauses to think, his eyes focused on a the roof of the vehicle, “We’ll back off. What we know aside, for all intents and purposes, this letter doesn’t exist,” he runs his fingers through Jay’s blonde, diffusing the ringlets he made, “Jay hyung, can I trust you to keep this secret?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” Jay lifts his gaze to that face, “This’ll be one of many secrets between us.”</p><p> </p><p>Meeting his eyes with a serious look he asks again, “You swear you’ll keep this from Jake especially?”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought that was implied?” His brows furrow, a little confused.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm,” he clicks his tongue, still playing with those ringlets, “Sometimes it seems like you doth protest too much when it comes to him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jake?” He recoils a bit with a raised brow.</p><p> </p><p>Another click of a tongue, “Do you like saying his name that much?” the question’s asked with a pursed lip.</p><p> </p><p>Jay blinks, “What the fuck is this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come to think of it, you’ve probably been thinking about him and his letter the whole time we were out shopping,” his eyes narrow slightly.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, what are you saying?” Jay’s eyes slightly widen, “Didn’t I say that I side-eye the guy?</p><p> </p><p>His eyes gradually narrow smaller, “You and I must have a different definition of that term,” and his tone loses color at the same rate.</p><p> </p><p>“Side-eying?!” he balks, gradually backing away.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon eyes are the smallest they’ve been today. “When I side-eye noona I don’t look like I wanna do her,” he seethes in a completely dead whisper.</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft!!” Jay throws his head back in laughter. “Wonie, are you jealous? Aww.” His head tilts forward to try to kiss him but he rolls his head away with a tiny frown.</p><p> </p><p>Jay sits up and tries to hold the boy in blue by the in a hug but it’s not easy as Jungwon’s decided to disconnect all his joints and go limp.</p><p> </p><p>With his head rolled back at an unusual angle he asks in a monotone, “You don’t see his face when he feels up your biceps?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, this is adorable!” Jay is weirdly charmed, struggling to gather this liquid boy into his arms.</p><p> </p><p>That doesn’t get a positive reaction.</p><p> </p><p>He bolts upright, suddenly solid and gets too close to the older boy’s face. With unsettlingly animated sarcasm in his voice and nothing by way of facial expression he says “I think it’s adorable that you two get intimate your left arm during those long practice sessions of literally just that move.”</p><p> </p><p>Biting his upper and lower lips to keep from breaking into a bigger grin, the older boy drinks in the implication. He’s more charmed than ever.</p><p> </p><p>“That move is all about facial expression!” He defends himself with a voice as animated as entire body language, “We have to practice that killing point.” He shakes the boy’s body by the shoulders with every single syllable.</p><p> </p><p>With nothing behind the eyes and a bigger pout he says with that familiar deadness, “I could kill him with one move and a sharp point if he keeps biting his lip that way when you ask him to Please Allow YOU There.” </p><p> </p><p>“EASY now!” He screeches, syllabically shaking still, “They’re just lyrics!?”</p><p> </p><p>Now the pout’s just a frown and it’s sad. “Wouldn’t be so bad if my part wasn’t the world’s most wholesome arm bump,” With a deep shaky breath he makes eye contact with his innocent shoes and slumps forward, arms slack into Jay’s embrace, “Even Niki got a better part. What the hell?”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, Wonie!” Jay tilts his head to nuzzle into his jealous <em>friend’s</em>. “Take all the left arm you want,” he says, tucking his left arm to wrap around the boy’s waist, “You know what, take my right arm too,” he repeats the action for his other limb, “You can take me, all of me, any time. Promise,” he holds him close, so wholesome.</p><p> </p><p>The words, the actions and this dissonant energy make Jungwon’s eye twitch. He knows what he would’ve done hours ago but there’s something sad about acting on that now.</p><p> </p><p>Calmly he wraps his arms around the older boy neck and sighs with a kind warning, “Don’t make promises you don’t understand, hyung. I don’t want to abuse <em>this</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“D’aww, you’d never.” Jay tilts his head a little to the side and back and gifts that kiss he wanted to give earlier. A soft closed lip touch with a bit of a sound, somehow tugging a bit on the plush of the young boy’s mouth. It’s deliberate, fleeting and full of affection. It’s not the action that does, but the memory of it that will linger. It’s just nice.</p><p> </p><p>He pulls back with a small slightly crooked smile, his eyes on where he planted that kiss and watches that sweetness bloom into a meek smile. He’s adorable and he has to admit, “Gotta say Wonie, I didn’t think you’d be a jealous guy.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon does a deep blink and he keeps his eyes closed, head swiveling strange with knotted eyebrows. He has no idea if that statement was naive or sarcastic. “I have admitted to feeling animosity toward a disco ball. I would’ve felt bitterness toward bread if you had your own loaf. I am protective to a fault. What makes you think I wouldn’t be a jealous guy?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay smiles large, all teeth, pleased with himself and this reaction. “Not gonna lie, I live for this energy.” It wasn’t sarcastic or naive, it was a taunt.</p><p> </p><p>Those pretty eyes go tiny again, “Keep at it. Keep fucking with me. See where that goes,” ominously his arms wrap just a little tighter around the older boy’s neck.</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, aggressive and possessive!” Jay acts like he just received the highest compliment. Like a complimentary shit-stirrer, he pokes a little more. “Maybe I’ll try to get closer to Jake if it means more JellyWonie.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you have a death wish for Jake?” he growls.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait. Is this why you don’t hyung Jake outside of his face?”</p><p> </p><p>He ducks behind a meme to keep from feeding into this fire truth stokes, “I told you, he’s my son. I don’t have to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ahh. You’d rather be in a position of power over him. I get that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t question my authority. I’m your boss.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oooh. Am I having an illicit affair with my boss?” While this is not the day and age to say that someone is ‘asking for it,’ Jay is legitimately ‘asking for it’ with this line of conversation. It being assault.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s been doing so well keeping his aggression in check. “Don’t make me fire you,” he warns again calmly.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah like you could,” Oh Jay. “I know you can’t.” No.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes go wide, “With actual FIRE!” the poor boy starts to shake, teeth clenched.</p><p> </p><p>“불타오르네” ( “Bultaoleune” ) Jay delivers that line with much more intensity than he did when he first performed this as center. He’s had time to refine his technique and his facial expression, that lip curl— this smirk is nothing short of superior.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s pupils start to shake and his stare is about 70% the whites of his eyes. He’ll warn him again with a deadness, so much deadness in his voice, but this warning is actually a plea.</p><p> </p><p>“Say that again that way and the next thing you’ll remember will be you singing ‘When I Wo-kUp In My Room—’”</p><p> </p><p>“Room!” RIP this idiot.</p><p> </p><p>“—WONDERING WHY <em>ALL</em> YOUR PARTS HURT!!” The younger boy shrieks, feral.</p><p> </p><p>In a blink he’s a blur and he knocks Jay backward with such a force that slides them across the entire polished leather cabin all the way, crunched right into it's  farthest side. This action should’ve ended in an audible thud, but everything is luxurious and plush. Having had enough of this jealous teasing, the younger boy gets in that face and snarls. When Jay tries to get up off his back, Jungwon shakes his head an <em>actual</em> ‘no’ with a lethal glare and pushes him the fuck down. With an expletive energy and the smack of an open palm to his chest, he pushes him back down beneath his hips.</p><p> </p><p>Terribly amused with a toothy open mouthed grin, the older boy underneath this feline predator can’t help but express how terrifyingly smitten he is at this very moment. “Oh my god! You’re fucking adorable!” He says with the energy of watching a baby’s first steps.</p><p> </p><p>Shaking cellularly, Jungwon snatches Jay by the turtleneck, pulling him up the way no shirt collar should be treated. If those fibers had feelings they would as a collective be screaming. He says to and on his face, that inexplicably cheerful face, framed with fluffy blonde waves shaking to the rhythm of silent laughter, “One day, I’ll have to get fatal with one of our five painfully attractive teammates who isn’t you and its gonna murder everyone, you specifically, and we’ll have to practice over and over and over—” he says that with too comfortable of a rhythm that matches his body language. Spicy.</p><p> </p><p>For some reason, this is the point where Jay acts with some semblance of normalcy. For a second. Then he shifts into his signature shade of weird.</p><p> </p><p>He caws, “The fuck you won’t?! Not if I can help it!” he sits up with his own force, toppling Jungwon over a bit, but he won’t let him get off or away from on top of him as he’s grabbed the boy by the arms with unsettling grip strength.</p><p> </p><p>“Like there’s anything you can do about it.” Jungwon taunts with a well practiced fatal sneer.</p><p> </p><p>Something snaps in Jay. Between the two of them, he is so much worse when it comes to jealousy. This is something anyone with functioning eyes can guess when he constantly hovers by this single boy like right-hand man of a Bond villian. Obvious, right? Chances are that anyone who hasn’t come to that conclusion just hasn’t bothered to judge. That said, this IS the moment Jay figures that out himself.</p><p> </p><p>That’s right. Park Jay has just realized that he is extremely possessive with his <em>things</em>. Over Yang Jungwon specifically. Whoda thunk? Literally everyone, except for himself.</p><p> </p><p>Is he surprised? For a second, then he was like, <em>`Oh. Right. I’m an idiot. That’s definitely me.’</em></p><p> </p><p>Jay comes back to the present moment and realizes how he’s seated and who is seated on himself. He blinks a few and like Jungwon and those ringlets in his hair made earlier, they have diffused. He keeps in this position but shifts his arms, now back around the young boy’s waist.</p><p> </p><p>He smiles softly, benevolent. With so much heartfelt affection and a gentle caress of the boy’s cheek he says, “Wonie, one day… on stage, while the cameras rolling, I WILL have you between my legs holding me by the knees. They will rest on your shoulders while I come at you at a speed you’ll anticipate. In that moment, I will take you down. With the force of my body, I will take you down. Completely. Physically. Literally, off your feet. I will have you flat on your back with a thud and you will feel proud of that moment, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay nods after that statement smiling like he just said something normal and wholesome that an average human being would conceptualize.</p><p> </p><p>With the smallest of mouths and eyebrows at a maximum crest Jungwon nods back, “Vivid. Descriptive. Specific?” he bites his lower lip, originally in confusion but like his voice, it evolves to odd delight, “Pleasant… Actually, I wouldn’t mind that at all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah? I can make that happen,” he can and will.</p><p> </p><p>This is so this young boy’s style. “Don’t tell me I made you jealous of a realistic matter-of-fact scenario?” Jealous Jay is so his style, “I was teasing, but that literally was just idol group choreography logistics.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am blessed with the curse of a vibrant imagination, thank you very much.” Jay gives a self-satisfied shrug, “It’s what makes me a creative individual.”</p><p> </p><p>“Go with blessing.” Jungwon smirks toothy in admiration, “Choose to see it as a positive, Jay-ah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, Wonie!” Jay tilts his head, enamored. “You’re too sweet.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon sticks his tongue out in baby, “Like honey. Buzz.” his nose scrunches, smiling a little, cringing a lot at his own high-fructose corniness.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s mouth flies open with a smile, “Wonie bee!” giddy and whipped for this boy whose legs are wrapped around his waist.</p><p> </p><p>“Metaphorically that works, because you’re my beekeeper.”</p><p> </p><p>Amused, he asks, “I’m your beekeeper?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yup and I’m your bee,” he’s leaning so hard into corn, “You keep me…” he knows Jay loves corn, “sane…izzsh?” The way Jay looks at him right now is worth this criminal amount of cringe.</p><p> </p><p>He would’ve laughed hard if he wasn’t enjoying being throttled by this much cute, “But aren’t you sheep?” He asks with his fingers now absently fiddling with the hem of that blue sweater.</p><p> </p><p>Gladly, he explains his affinity for this analogy. “I look sheep, but my soul is bee. Like a bee, I’m busy always and I sting. Also, you leave me buzzing,” he turns his head a slight right and blushes, buzzed.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, you’re my bee and I’m your beekeeper,” his head is stays tilted, a symptom of his current blood sugar content.</p><p> </p><p>This cringe makes him shy for some reason, but he doesn’t mind. It’s easier to express certain delicate feelings through a soft focus filter, “Don’t be that beekeeper with the honey candle,” he says with some guilt, trying to tend to the fabric of that recently distressed turtleneck collar.</p><p> </p><p>Jay recognizes the callback and appreciates this thread, “Am I the one who loves my job or the one that needs a shrink?” He appreciates something else too, a knit feel on his fingertips and the memories it calls back.</p><p> </p><p>“Both. You deserve happiness,” Jungwon’s timid smile and his inability to make direct eye contact is so charming its disarming, although to him acting in this energy feels a bit like self-harming.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww!” Jay has emotional diabetes, “How do you say that and not break face?”</p><p> </p><p>“Easy. It’s not a joke,” he shrugs glib, knit rising.</p><p> </p><p>He nods, blonde fluffy, “Okay, no honey candle then.” He gets the message.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, you don’t need that,” slowly, the id rises from his nap, “Not when you have me,” and the timid smile turns tenuous smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“My bee?” He plays dumb because its more fun this way but he clocks this fucked up duality. Jay is into it. He wants to. Get into it. Bzz.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah,” tongue in his teeth, he speaks the name like a taunt, “Come get this honey. WOAH—!?”</p><p> </p><p>Poor kid never saw it coming. Jay’s been laying this thread patiently way before he called for the <em>Escalade. </em>It's why he picked an <em>Escalade</em> in first place, why he’s already palmed the driver premium rent money to raise the partition, shut the fuck up and take the long way back to the dorm. This is also why he asked Jungwon to get them water.</p><p> </p><p>The plan was to get to this after discussing what he needed to, but while he takes the time to choose what he says and how, he's never quite figured how to control the when. That got Jaked up. Sure, he had to finish writing that letter but pardon him for being a goal-oriented boy who commits to a course of action all the way through. The talk will have to wait. Later.</p><p> </p><p>Jay doesn’t let Jungwon speak, not for a while. He’s forced up that sweater he’s so fond of, but not completely. Freestyling fashion with excellency, he’s pulled the knit off the young boy’s torso, to above his mouth and he leaves his arms in their sleeves deliberately. The knit binds those limbs and for a moment it blinds. Jungwon, this boy barely in blue is vulnerable and Jay, in distressed silk is a hundred percent in control.</p><p> </p><p>Hungry, he takes him and feasts on his mouth, his hand pries the knit from that face, frees his head and black hair goes fluffier with static charge. At last, bound limbs in knit get to relax and go down if just barely. With his hands, ever gentle he sets the younger boy down, arms around his waist and his back he makes him comfortable on the makeshift puffy jacket pillow. He does so with a look practiced, fatal, greedy and expensive. With a bite of lower lip, a quick run of his fingers over his blonde, his own brand of mischief on perfectly arched brows, he lowers himself once again with a strategic swipe of tongue over upper lip. He comes down for more.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> It’s a fucked up duality once again. He lets him breathe just enough, fight back just enough, he touches, feels up, and teases just enough. Always just enough, never more. This skilled individual plays the long game, his proclivity angles toward delayed gratification. He plays dumb but always, he knows what he’s doing. He mindfucks like the best, just like his boss who is the best.</span></p><p> </p><p>Physically, he’ll make him comfortable. Emotionally, he aims to inflict its furthest antonym. He kisses him silly, using his mouth like he does language, soft but unmistakably rough. Park Jay is consistent. Like his clothes, everything he is matches with the utmost intention. His complicated logic, his attention to detail, his desire to give, his soft affectionate heart, his powerful moves, his mastery of rhythm, his luxurious taste, his deliberate use of his tongue and his proclivity for petty revenge. He is all this, all over this, on top of this, in every way that means.</p><p> </p><p>This scene plays out exactly how <em>you</em> imagine it to be and poor Yang Jungwon never saw it coming— which is exactly what Yang Jungwon wanted. Spontaneity. Genuine surprise.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually Jay has to come up for air. He has to. Breathing is essential for life as is hydration.</p><p> </p><p>Still wrapped up, laying on plush, blinking deeply, gasping ragged, breathlessly weak and terrified out of his mind with a top 3 Day Out smile he remarks in abject awe, “Cheeses. Park Jay… You are a SUPERIOR tease,” he looks at him, drinking from glass with so much class <em>VOSS</em> water. “How are you so fucking perfect?!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay shrugs, deceptively wholesome, “Wonie, we’re equals.” He picks him up by the waist, gets him upright, leaves him sweater bound and tips up the bottle to comfortably drink water. “We do <em>same, but different</em> all the time. I just have my own style and I work on my own time.” He takes the glass back because he’s attentive like that and he knows when his Jungwonie’s had enough.</p><p> </p><p>“My god, you’re creative,” hydrated and dizzy, Jungwon slumps over back into Jay’s embrace, “You’re fucking brilliant, you know that right?”</p><p> </p><p>“I do. You too. I told you, we’re equals in every way,” Jay smirks and delivers ominous warning. “Never forget, you’re not the only one whose threats aren’t empty. I keep ALL my promises and I play the long game.”</p><p> </p><p>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\</p><p> </p><p>True to his word, weeks later Park Jay does good on a vivid, descriptive promise.</p><p> </p><p>As soon as he had an opening, he spoke of a specific scenario in a way that communicated effectively with their choreographers. All his suggestions were feasible courses of action. His detailed visualization and his adherence to specificity lay the groundwork for the choreography of ENHYPEN’s opening dance performance at <em>SBS Gayo Daejun 2020</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Once again, Park Jay, this supremely skilled and creative individual proves that he has the tools to ensure his ideas transcend from inception to reality. As promised, at the end of the performance, Yang Jungwon feels an immense sense of pride. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>😬 sooo. What'd you think? Tell me. I'll beg again later. 😛<br/>______________</p><p><span class="u">AUTHOR CONFESSION</span>: We are no longer ending at 17. That would've been so great for the memes but that can't happen, not with what I've wrote. Trust, the ending is written. I'm just in the cake decorating phase and there is so much fondant to shape into tiny flowers and oml... the frosting. I'm portioning things out to be a better digestive experience but the serving sizes will vary.</p><p>This is Spa Day chapter 10-14 all over again. Oh this day, what a dream.  </p><p>______________<br/> </p><p><b><span class="u">SHAMELESS ASK:</span></b> COMMENTS PLEASE. I would really love to read what you guys think so far, especially my Spa Day alumni. Say anything, what works, what doesn't, what you like to read, what you wish I'd do less off, give me a head pat, slap me breadless, pop off on all caps, mash keys like potatoes with a wholesome KDHFADSKJFA, emojis are welcome too. I like these: 🥭🍉🍍🥐🍞🧀🍕🥪🍨🎂🧋🍶🍻 but fr I love all emojis like sons. especially knife 🔪💕 idk, maybe tell me what you had for lunch?</p><p>I know its sad to beg, BUT LET ME LIVE??? These comments give me perspective and for real, they are the wind beneath these my buffalo wild wings. </p><p>Kudos would be nice too. Feed meee. /begging</p><p>ilysm. thanks for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Jay-aArgH!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jay rebrands. Jungwon reboots.<br/>They’ve rubbed off on each other, emotionally.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>part 2 of 4 in the’Scalade.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ten minutes isn’t a big deal until it is. It’s so much and so little time together. All the same, it’s lost to the past and gained in memory. This was confidence, cowardice and one very blurred line. They’re aware.</p><p> </p><p>We return to the scene in the aftermath of a crime of fashion. Blue troika shell buttons have fled their native silk in distress. They will remain strewn on the seat and floorboard until laid to rest in the belly of a <em>Dyson V7</em>. RIP all but one of those buttons, they did their job until they couldn’t, forced into retirement by a boss. Never Forget.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon, sweaterless in white button up picks up a trophy, a button from the leather interior. He gives it a position of honor in the pocket of his denim. Lazily he scans the cabin for his knit top. He smirks, finding it hung off the head rest of the passengers seat. He thought it was flung much further. He was wrong. He takes both, his sweater and this L.</p><p> </p><p>“You do come off like the jealous type but I thought, ‘meh, maybe not’ when we got talking at the mall,” Jungwon drapes the arms of his light blue sweater over himself like a certain hyung in knit.</p><p> </p><p>Capping a now empty <em>VOSS</em>, Jay replies, “What makes you say that?” pensive, adjusting his glasses.</p><p> </p><p>Mentally, hyung is multitasking fancy. He’s redoing his look to match recent customizations to his outfit while having an active conversation.</p><p> </p><p>Now the fitted turtleneck undershirt feels better on his skin. This look is more his style, less uptight, not quite so snug. The knit is rock chic with its organic form, a slack asymmetric high collar and an uneven hem. Buttonless, his button down becomes a rugged over shirt now vibing more distressed than silk. This makeover he gives himself will be a shade of grunge haute couture. Thematically it goes with his fashionably disheveled hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Eh. You were unbothered about me workshopping with Niki-ah when I mentioned it,” the younger boy pokes in a cross-body shoulder stretch.</p><p> </p><p>Jay animates face, “We had tasks and masks! Those words left me VERY bothered!” he points accusing cute face, “What the <em>actual</em> fuck is WORKSHOP!? Your answer still makes no sense!” He pops off bullet cufflinks by <em>Easel</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Yang Garden’s head lilts in exhale, “Oh good. That makes me feel much better,” like a good stretch.</p><p> </p><p>“Expound? Explain?! Elaborate?!?” this odd bird caws, rolling up silk sleeves, “Workshop definition—Go!”</p><p> </p><p>“Wholesome dongsaeng times with an intentionally vague code name. A word to yell across the room to know what’s up on the low,” he smiles in a literal wrist extension stretch.</p><p> </p><p>“Keep talking. Do fucking go on,” a demand while he bunches up cashmere over silk, “Make this make sense or I swear to god we’re never leaving this <em>Escalade</em>!”</p><p> </p><p>“Talking shop about crush life,” a nose scrunch, “Tips and tricks, boy gossip. Advice. Those vibes,” a casual <em>actual</em> wrist flexion stretch.</p><p> </p><p>“I... Don’t make me ask about tips and tricks,” mess blonde takes out his phone to check himself on front facing camera. He notices his hard pout, “Damnit! I have to ask! Break down tips and tricks?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Drawing diagrams. Charting ships for friends and <em>things</em>. Piecing vision boards when we have time. We talk dreams, what that memes and how,” he cracks his knuckles for full effect, “Then there’s trying out moves based on vids.”</p><p> </p><p>Shook, his imagination sends his eyebrows flying. “MOVES?!” the bird squawks. “VIDS?! Video? Sss?”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly,” dongsaeng nods in a half bicep stretch, “Videos from Jake.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay drops his phone. “Tonight, he dies.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh the chaos a mention of a single Shim Jake brings. What fun. However, Yang Leader needs to get that dog out from underneath the bus before it starts moving. They can’t debut as a six piece.</p><p> </p><p>“Sweet of you, but ease up some,” Jungwon picks up his hyung’s device from the floorboard and hands it back, “Jake sends Niki clips from ancient Hollywood fancams to reference,” The word is musicals. “Once he’s got it down, we do run throughs to check for safety and spacial appropriation since most of these will play out at the dorm.”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy accepts that, his phone, this report and his emotional disorientation. He’ll tuck in his lip and learn to listen.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m the supportive hyung he feels safe with crash testing light acrobatic dance moves for casual flirtation. Glides, lifts, sweeps, minor parkour—that kinda thing. He knows that makes Ddeonu weak so he leans into what he thinks will click. Niki-ah’s cute, putting in that work.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” Jay is speechless, which means he has a lot to say, “Sweet boy, that kid… What a pro to account for safety and go grand. What a gentleman too. What chivalry!” he goes from seeing maknae as sus to stanning in zero seconds flat, “Damn, Ddeonu! Such a lucky brat.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah he is. That shit’s no joke. Gotta safety first,” as primary Safety Officer, Yang Leader takes his job to heart, “Niki-ah’s banged me up a few times but no big. Taekwondo’s got me good with secure falls,” with a peace sign he covers his eye, self satisfied. “Told you, he feels a lot of pressure to go big coz they’re already so close. Once feelings are out, he wants to act with clarity for the next step to feel special.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s the stuff you workshop?” the older boy, like a bird is briefly gets distracted at the sight of something sparkle.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m cerebral,” a casual delivery, a heavy-lidded reply, “I’m all about the mind.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, don’t make me ask—“</p><p> </p><p>“Specifically, fucking with it.” He takes a pause for that weight to sink in, “My target’s either into delayed gratification and/or gets off on being withholding so I chip away at his impulse control.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaybird picks up what he sees in his periphery. “Uh... Oh boy,” he’s not upset or surprised. This is just the cost of conducting business with the boss.</p><p> </p><p>“I build diagrams. R&amp;D Rube-Goldberg machinations to systematically eat at his psyche,” he says, bitter with a sucralose smile, “Niki-ah’s an expert at functional distraction. He’s the perfect foil to bounce schemes off and ground me while checking for continuity issues,” he finger hearts their maknae, his dongsaeng, “I aim to bother but I’d be a shit team leader if I tease you useless. Gotta keep things isometric, above board and career focused.”</p><p> </p><p>While Jungwon laid out his entire strategy he wondered what got through to Jay. He has faith however, past indicators are always the best predictors of future outcomes and words mean things, especially to Jay. He tries not to focus on the blank space and keep reading between blurred lines, wishing he didn’t see these patterns so clearly.</p><p> </p><p>Eyes wide with admiration and equal intimidation he exclaims, “Boy, you are INTENSE. Wow,” He slips that broken platinum chain into the his pocket and gives Wonie gets exactly four head pats. “What a wow you are Wonie. What an honor. Just. Wow?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re welcome Jay-ah,” a thumbs up and a bright smile with dimples and a chance of teeth.</p><p> </p><p>“I admire the effort you put into everything,” hyung makes sure every strand of black is strategically fluffed in ordered chaos, “I hope that pays off.”</p><p> </p><p>“I have goals, Jay hyung. You and I both.” he sighs too deep.</p><p> </p><p>Pretty eyes focus on the hands styling his hair to keep his light from dimming. He doesn’t want to dwell on how that reaction makes him feel. Again, he picks himself up with his favorite crutch, biting humor.</p><p> </p><p>“Also work made me sign a waver to play nice. I had to acknowledge that I’m a registered blackbelt.” A toothy grimace in a ‘boo’, “So, no practice moves for me. I’m liable if I hurt him on accident, plus he’s a foreign national and I care.” How pragmatic and self-aware, “You know how I move. Hard. Bone fractures aren’t cool. Plus I’d rather get practical training. Immersion,” he smiles like he means it. He wants to but he doesn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a yikes. I don’t know what to say, but cheese and rice!” suddenly Jay feels an expensive pain. “I feel terrible for what I just thought about but I’m kinda hurt.” he winces at this phantom pang.</p><p> </p><p>The time is 9:35 in the evening. It is precisely at this moment that Kim Sunoo stirs in the first shreds of <em>White Stilton Gold</em> into a simmering bone broth with cream and rice. The emotional connection is severed between fancy lad and his fancy cheese.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you think we make out?” Jungwon baits with a batting of his lashes.</p><p> </p><p>Jay spills a candid, “Kind of?” with a grungy, guilty grimace.</p><p> </p><p>“JaySUS!?” Hyung Jungwon exclaims in feigned offense, “That’s <em>my</em> dongsaeng! I have morals?!” his expression is somewhere between a scoff and smirk.</p><p> </p><p>A scirk. That’s a thing now.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I MEAN?!” JellyJay Hyung shouts back in a smiling in a ‘sorry not sorry’ energy “YOU’RE <em>my</em> dongsaeng?!”</p><p> </p><p>Dongsaeng scirks, getting in that face, “You’re a terrible hyung and you have disgusted me. Thoroughly.” He mocks this angry bird.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” Hyung narrows his eyes, inching forward, “Yes I am. Yes I have,” he scirks right back. “and the pleasure was all mine.” He raises an eyebrow cocky, no longer just chicken.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon staggers, emotionally. He closes his eyes tight and his eyebrows wobble, unstable. He doesn’t tickle easily but his soul bursts with so much tickled energy.</p><p> </p><p>He loses his mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-aArgH!” He breaks face and slides off the polished leather, dragging his backpack along with him onto the floorboard, hugging it for emotional support again, “I CAN’T?!? Where did my dumb Jay-ah go?! WHO ARE YOU?” he screams into the zipper, “Oh… UGH my heart?! Why am I so OFF MY GAME? I broke face quick!? How can I LEAD NOW that I’m emotionally compromised? And we’re coworkers?! Fuck me! No! Yes?!  So SOON? Too much! Ah shit! MeeEeeEeehH!!” He mocks himself with a bleat.</p><p> </p><p>Jay dusts off his shoulders, proud of himself. He tries to keep a straight face and lean into this smooth hyung energy having just beat this boss level... but he can’t keep his cool. There’s nothing more adorable than seeing this boy lose his mind and the way he feels is no different. Similarly, he is dying on the inside and can barely process ten minutes of their time. His mouth distorts, silently going through all the vowel sounds, scrunching his nose, eyebrows doing so little then suddenly the most.</p><p> </p><p>As well, he breaks face and loses his mind. “UGH, I KNOowW?!?” he caws skyward, sliding off the leather onto the floorboard next to the downed sheep. “Who the fuck was I for ten minutes? Wonieee!! That felt like stage me? IN THE WILD!? In casual life!?? I am DANGEROUS.” Crawling over, he shakes the boy from his backpack syllabically, “What the?! WhAt the HELLp me I— How do I look your hyung fathers in the eye? We’re roommates?! BIRDDAMpt, and Jakethy will smell this from MILES away. HE CAN TELL?! HE ALWAYS does! HE KNOWS THINGS?! I swear he can—but HOW?! Oh no, what do I tell Sunoo? My gossip promise. No! Wait, YES?!? Fuck! Oh, YOU?!! Oh boy, I don’t know how to lie effectively...” he tapers off in a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>With wide eyes he shoves his backpack away, panic gripping Jay by the shoulder, “SAY NOTHING!? Shh… hUSHh?!” he mashes his pointer onto lips, hissing an order. “You keep your pretty bird mouth shut and tell them nothing.” he whispers in a rushed monotone but shakes like he’s talking dramatically. “Let them LIVE?! We take this to our grave!”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww.” Jay tilts his head forty five degrees, “Our grave? I'd like that,” then he makes an attempt to nibble at that finger with too soft an expression.</p><p> </p><p>Cat-like reflexes kick in, snatching back his hand. He resists the urge to slap face, breadless. “What is this. Why would I say that.” he wears a forced pout, shy but indignant. “Why my darkness in this light moment.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s mouth trembles. “Oh boy,” his teeth peek out, unable to hide smile.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Jungwonie animates, shaking shoulders syllabically, “You’re holding in a joke. I see it in your eyes. WHAT IS IT???”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, I— I’m sorry,” he pushes his glasses up to his hair just to cover his face with both hands in shame. “I don’t want to, but I have to? My joke!? It needs an audience!”</p><p> </p><p>“Do it,” he growls, unnecessarily close to his face. “For me.” he almost said ‘to.’</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t if you’re looking?” with an open palm he pushes cute face away, “Don’t look me in the eyes!” that was also an excuse to touch again. “Not with those pretty eyes!”</p><p> </p><p>“The disrespect. I’ll do what I want and I’ll stare until you finish! That joke!” he says with folded arms and a scowl.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop being so cruel?!” Jay pleads entirely in jest because he’s grown to like this.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine! We’ll human cape this.” He turns around in a huff and does a kneeling trust fall into Jay, “Gimme jokes—GO!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay earns that trust, comfortably. “Jungwonie,” he pauses to rub his eye, embarrassed by his own humor, “Right now I—Oh boy,” physically, he cringes. “UgH? I can see myself in you?”</p><p> </p><p>“CRIMEST?!” Sheep recoils with a chuckle, “I asked for this hug!?” he recoils by hiding his face behind a rolled silk sleeve.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just a wholesome thought? A metaphoric fact?” He stands in that shameless joke, seated in a giving hug. “But also... Eyyy?” Amazing how quickly this bird adapts.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon does a deep blink with a flustered grinning cringe, “You’re right though,” he’ll do his best to keep this above board, “I am being SO extra right now like you. Jay-ah, what the fuck have you done to me?”</p><p> </p><p>“I DON’T KNOW.” Jay says in a dead voiced scream, “Theoretically, I’m not sure?” he’s fevered with so much fluster, forcing his face onto fluffy, “Um... let’s not make the subtext text?” As fuck, he embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p>“PFFT!” this boy’s mouth flies open in a small caps ‘o.’ Humor saves his face again, now brave he turns to his cape, “Now I get it. I can see a lot of myself in you too! A LOT!” He waggles his eyebrows, fancy cheesing.</p><p> </p><p>The older boy sputters a “PFFT?! I mean?” with a scrunched nose, a higher pitch and raised shoulders he teases, “That’s feasible? Actionable? I—WHAT.”</p><p> </p><p>A deep frown and an entire palm pushing away that face, Jungwon resumes his regularly scheduled programming, “Seriously Jay-ah. Stop talking like me. Use smaller words. There can only be JungONE and that’s me.”</p><p> </p><p>Playfully appalled by that rudeness Jay too does the same, “Then dial it the fuck down! Use that brain, lean back and leave the extra work to me,” then for no reason he licks his lips. He flies little different now, but is still sort of the same bird.</p><p> </p><p>“AAARGH!” In a blur, Jungwon throws his sweater over Jay’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” Jay wipes that sweater off his face and tosses it right back, sighing into the seat cushion with a breathless laugh. True to himself, he'll treat that sweater right. He slings it around the the younger boy's shoulders, tying the sleeves loosely around his neck.</p><p> </p><p>Sat on the floorboard of this massive vehicle they laugh at the absurdity of all these lines they’ve purposefully blurred. They’re a little dizzy, maybe a bit concussed with how they keep going in and out of character, sort of like earlier. Metaphorically.</p><p> </p><p>So why this freak out? What’s the big deal?</p><p> </p><p>Ten minutes was the deal. No big, but yes big—emotionally. That might've been <em>too</em> real, but that's okay. This has been a dream and this is just a ride. Nothing's changed, right? Right.</p><p> </p><p>They made out a lot, like stupid boys who like each other a stupid lot, a lot. Maybe one of them destroyed some clothing in the process, snapped through platinum like dental floss. Maybe one of them now considers that clothing bespoke and thinks that chain was the admission cost. Maybe one of them made the effort to make sure everything stayed above board. Maybe one of them defined ‘board’ as ‘belts,’ possibly also literally. Who knows?</p><p> </p><p>Ah, this dance. Mental gymnastics, logistics and rules. Weirdness, hand in hand plus mouths. These teens.</p><p> </p><p>Right now every pun is contextual innuendo, every laugh is a diversion away from <em>actual</em> vulnerability and words mean everything but also nothing. They float on the surface of teal liquid emotion, aimless, blown away in the aftermath of those those ten wholesome minutes.</p><p> </p><p>They’re lucky to indulge in what too few know the pleasure of. To fawn over your crush with your crush to your crush to their face, watch them fall apart and lose all their grace. They are each other’s emotional support although their futile attempts to keep their heads on straight fail whenever they tilt with every ‘aww.’ They’re aware.</p><p> </p><p>For all intents and purposes these two are completely ENGENE for each other.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a spectacle. They're a spectacle. Jay specifically keeps forgetting he's wearing spectacles. These two smothered in squee, suffering the loss of their functioning knees, brain matter buzzing like so many honey bees, hearts full of fluff and fluster, bent at the waist in breathless laughter, thirsty despite so much ingested water. </p><p> </p><p>This is cute. It all rhymes and it's real the way it feels but it doesn't pass the simplest of math. None of this really adds up. One of them is aware.</p><p> </p><p>The random screeching and seizured smiles subside with a sigh in two part harmony. They are human people once more. Jay helps Jungwon off the floorboard and they flop back onto their seats. Again, impressed with the balls on themselves and the balls on each other, still terrified, lost for the right words to say after so much exchanged. Foolishly brave and generously coward, this boss and his favorite accessory.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon kneels up over the back seat to reach for a few luxury paper bags from the trunk, deciding that this is when they take the time to make sure there aren’t any receipts or price tags attached to their guilt gifts. No returns, no exchanges. This guilt is for life.</p><p> </p><p>On his way back down Jay reaches for the back of his neck, pulling him into yet another quick yet tasty out of line for a hyung and dongsaeng kiss.</p><p> </p><p>That puts a damper on the Yang Leader's plan to set up an activity and do what successful people do. Break away from a moment with task based chat. To be fair, this can still happen but his OS has to reboot in safe mode. Give him time, he’ll be back shortly.</p><p> </p><p>Jay recalls he was wearing a belt seeing it strewn on the floorboard along where they sat. He picks it up by the buckle, those signature <em>Balenciaga</em> double ‘B’s and his heart starts to flutter all over again. He’s unsure how to get out this vibe, but he has to or else it’s gonna be a long wordless car ride.</p><p> </p><p>Not too far away from where he picked up his, he sees Jungwon’s. He sees this accessory as an opportunity, a way to pass on the fluster to regain the upper hand. For a little bit, he’ll need auxiliary props to talk.</p><p> </p><p>This conversation needs to pick back up. The older boy fears what he’d act out in further silence. Already, he barely keeps himself together and he’s aware that shouldn’t allow himself more without saying what he needs to to say. He needs a tangent to jump off from, an energy to mirror, especially for feelings as delicate as these. With no other way other than what he knows, he starts back up with some flirtatious bullshit. He’ll circle the issue with the intention of getting right into it. Like an idiot, he draws with too large a circumference.</p><p> </p><p>“To be fair, technically we stayed way above board,” he waves the young boy's belt with a showy gesture, a jangling the loop buckles. “Floorboard.”</p><p> </p><p>Fluster is handed off successfully as is belt, “You shut the fuck up or I’ll throw you off board this <em>Escalade</em>,” with the smallest of pouts he hastily threads the belt through denim. “Your jokes leave me BORED! Floor!?” Yang Jungwon buffers at 75%.</p><p> </p><p>Smug and self-satisfied with his success, he mirrors the action but ignores the order. “You wanna hop back into it? Or—”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy’s hands stop in midaction, woven strap and double ‘D’ loops fall with an unceremonious jingle.</p><p> </p><p>In no time he reaches in his pants… pocket for a small weapon the size of his pinky finger.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, buddy?” He says with a smile and a smooth flip of a blade. In his hand is the smallest available size of <em>Swiss Army</em> knife, “Did you wanna keep that pretty mouth shut or—?”</p><p> </p><p>“I meant the guilt gifts.” Jay interrupts, tucking in just the front of his shirt. He’s gotta show that buckle. Clout. “You got the shopping bags out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Jungwon lowers the knife, “You caught on to that. Nice,” this pleases him, this awareness of context clues and this focus on task life. “Jay-ah, grab the dog from the back? We’ll cut off those tags,” he raises his knife back up, “Make it suitable for adoption.”</p><p> </p><p>“Gotcha, boss!” this main accessory complies, crawling over the backseat to retrieve that large lab plush, “I gotta figure out how to tack my letter onto this thing. Stimulate that brain for me, Wonie.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t need to, that’s easy.” He takes a beat to give a deadpanned look. “Check my backpack, I’ve got a stapler,” he grabs his bag from the floorboard and tosses it effortlessly with one hand, “The dog has floppy ears, no feelings and that’s one sheet of paper. One, two—Connect!” he does that familiar hand gesture but with Swiss babie knife.</p><p> </p><p>“Oof!” Jay catches it. He’s a thrown by the weight of it. Jungwon made that one-handed pass look so easy. “Conceptually that’s cruel, but you’re right. This isn’t real and that is a practical solution,” he fiddles with the bag, wondering which compartment to start with, “I just wish there was a better way to do this.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon shrugs. “I mean, do you. Get flamingly Jay about it. Maybe fold up the note, make it pretty? I don’t know,” he points with his babie knife, “Front pocket, take it. Stapler.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay gasps into a wide smile. He had him at ‘fold.’</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, that’s brilliant!” Excited with his creativity fully activated, he shares his plan, “Jong-i jeobgi! I’ll fold my into a ddakji, staple it at an angle and it’ll look like a diamond <em>fucking</em> earring!” He unzips, finding a light blue stapler instantly.</p><p> </p><p>With a snap of a finger and smooth point with babie knife at blonde face, he expresses his unbridled approval. “High class! Full marks for you, Jay-ah! Damn you fancy! So extra and for what. Look at you, doing you. Doing you so well it’s fancy. Keep at it. Keep doing you.” He nods, proud of that ingenuity.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna watch?” blonde with a stapler asks, snapping it open and shut syllabically, “I’m gonna have so much fun doing this.”</p><p> </p><p>Although charmed by this enthusiasm for crafts, he declines, “I know you will, but no. Later maybe, if I have time. Work comes first,” always with his priorities, but he’ll watch from his periphery. He just doesn’t want to come off like he is, even if he is always. “But I’ve got a few color markers in my bag if you wanna get fancy, lad. In the main compartment.”</p><p> </p><p>“GASP.” He says the word and then gasps, “Perfect! Thank you. I forget this is also your school bag.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s my everything bag.” A multifaceted truth, “I’ve got stickers too.”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy’s jaw drops in mid-rummage for markers. Offhanded he declares his appreciation with a, “Marry me?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon deadens in every way, “Ha ha ha. Not cool,” he rolls his eyes, baring his teeth on instinct, shakes that off and gets back to business,“For real, I ganked leftover stickers from that VLIVE we did when we decorated our DAWN shots.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” It’s Jay’s turn to go numb, “Borld’s West?” The pack of markers almost slip from his hand.</p><p> </p><p>Never forget Borld’s West. Try as he might, he can’t.</p><p> </p><p>“Really? Do you have to call it that too? Ugh! I swear, I misspeak one time and now I’m forever haunted by Borld’s West,” the multifaceted truth of that, “I meant World’s Best!”</p><p> </p><p>Crafty lad Jay tries to shake off a mood and he does so by being extra for what.</p><p> </p><p>“Which ones do you have? The party streamers would be on theme for this and the letters. Oh but we ran out of ‘J’s. HA! He’ll be ‘AKE’ but swap the ‘K’ with a ‘C’ and an ‘H.’ Tell him I ran out of ‘K’s and had to improvise. Oh but shit, I’m openly American. That doesn’t work.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, change up that plan because those are at home,” he closes his eyes, literally and emotionally. He resolves to speak and hear at face value, “but I do have that pack with the cherries on me. I take it everywhere… for some reason,” he twirls the open knife between his fingers for some reason.</p><p> </p><p>“NO!” Jaybird caws with a curious agitation, “Not those?! Why the fuck would I use those?” He sounds like he’s offended.</p><p> </p><p>“Because they’re stickers and you wanted stickers?” Yang-deo says facts with a raised eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“Not those,” markers in hand, he zips it back up still with that disjointed energy, “Wonie, that’s a no. Not for Jake. No cherries stickers for Jake. I’ll just use these markers,” he raises the pack and shakes for emphasis. He adapts a new strategy and takes out a few pens, “I’ll draw a few sparkles and hearts,” he singles out a white marker and waves it like a pointer, “then I’ll use this to draw tiny poop emojis inside all of the hearts.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay smiles sweetly, bright like countless stars, proud of himself, entirely <em>wholesome</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s mouth flies all the way open in a smile, impressed and feeling personally attacked. He almost uses the hand with his secret Swiss babie knife to cover his mouth. He is ticked on a soul level.</p><p> </p><p>“My god that’s evil!” the praise is muffled by his palm over his mouth, “Jay-ah, you’re brilliant! I love… your passive aggression.” his heart nearly burst out of his chest, he almost slipped up but he’s good now. Let’s keep this task-based. It’s easier that way. “Keep up the good work, hyung. Oh and you should grab my notebook back out and use that as a solid surface to draw on.”</p><p> </p><p>Proud to have been praised, Jay nods a blonde mess, “Oh good call. Good looking out, Wonie bee. You’re so fucking practical,” he volleys appreciation back the way he reads it, returning to the backpack.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I care,” this little bee is buzzing, “…that you draw well and fold those lines crisp and clear,” he bumbles, unable to speak anymore at face value.</p><p> </p><p>Jay flashes a smile, “I’ll do by best, boss!” and with a flashy twirl of a pen he gets to drawing.</p><p> </p><p>“Do better than that,” he delivers that request like a tease. <em>Please?</em></p><p> </p><p>He clears his throat and takes the plush dog, cuts off the tag with his knife and gets back to his tasks. He’ll take inventory, see what’s what but he won’t do all the work. This responsibility should be shared.</p><p> </p><p>Jay does what he sets out to do, diligently and with intention. He does it his way, being flamingly Jay.</p><p> </p><p>When Jake receives his gift later that night tucked under the covers in his bed, just the sight of it will make him teary. He’ll find the letter, a paper earring stapled onto its ear and he’ll be moved by its execution and the effort. He will hesitate to remove the accessory, but Jay anticipates this reaction. Clear, in all caps and English he writes the words ‘OPEN THIS YOU LITTLE BITCH.’ The message is flanked by countless hearts and sparkles, decorated in a tasteful way. When Jake reads Jay’s words, he does shake. He will take some time for himself to lay in bed and to weep while holding his gift in his arms. Jake will feel deeply loved, profoundly understood and beyond lucky to call Jay his brother.</p><p> </p><p>The next day Jake will spend some time alone. He’ll go on a walk, find a quiet spot in the park under a tree and reread this letter. He will cry again, be rocked by so much emotion and wonder how Jay knows, not exactly what but how he feels. In the sunlight, as he folds the letter back into its shape he’ll notice tiny poops drawn in white ink inside each heart. Obsessively, he’ll go back through the whole letter, scan every single heart to find that not a one is without a little shit inside. Seated, Jake will bend at the waist and in his own unique way, he too falls in love with Jay.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><span class="u"><b>GLOSSARY</b></span>:<br/><b>Jong-i jeobgi / 종이접기</b> - Korean for origami apparently. Thanks Google!<br/><b>Ddak Ji / 딱지</b> - Looks like this → ☒  Basically paper pogs. Google it! But tbh you don't have to because it's just the shape of it that's relevant to this story. </p><p>______________</p><p>I give up on trying to guesstimate how many chapters this will be. I’m just gonna let this ride. LET ME LIVE?! Periodt.</p><p>Again, come hang out in the comments! Invite your friends, hop aboard this Escalade 😎✨</p><p>OMFG. Jungwon tried TIRAMISU for the first time!!! THAT IS MY FAVORITE CAKE. because it’s made with coffee liquor. ugh sorry that came out of nowhere. UGH but his sweater makes him look like a cappuccino BUT BOY?! I can’t look coffee in the eyes anymore, I mean I will but... now I’ll feel a way just like when I see a Mango in the wild. Protective. 😢</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. NO, WONIE NO!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jay has a few regrets.<br/>Jungwon gives a rain check.</p><p>Strap in. As fuck, this ride gets bumpy.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>part 3 of 4 in the’Scalade.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jay brims with confidence. He’s just fashioned a paper earring for a plush dog and stapled a piercing. Years later he will reference this as the first piece of jewelry <em>Made by Jay</em>. As well, he gave himself a style makeover, switching genres completely from high-class dandy to rock chic grunge, spinning fabric tragedy into ready-to-wear opportunity. The multifaceted truth is that, this boy is verse. As fuck, he is multifaceted and verse.</p><p> </p><p>In less than an hour he's made significant personal progress not only on the material front, but slowly, exponentially on another. This progress will last longer than the sturdiest of rugged wear.</p><p> </p><p>After taking a few too many pictures of this plush and it’s earring for portfolio purposes, he shoots it to the back of the trunk like a basketball but dog. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon sputters a “Pfft!” He took a video because memories, also that was effortlessly charming. He scirks and puts away his phone.</p><p> </p><p>Caught off guard, Jay suddenly forgets what to do with his face. He goes from tiny beak mouth to biting his top and bottom lip to a crooked sideways purse. Hand behind his neck, he feels a heat rise up to his ears.</p><p> </p><p>Determined to get past this discomfort, he dribbles and passes the fluster back. He resets with a hand raking through blonde.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie,” Jay starts with a smoothness, “do you know of how you come across these days? Check your current inventory. Just some career advice from a peer hyung,” too clearly he gives him a once over, “You’re not all cute kid anymore. In my opinion, you’ve leveled up some.” It won’t take long for this smooth to crinkle.</p><p> </p><p>Yang Garden’s eyes narrow. “Chill, Peer hyung. I’ve got the vibe of a CGI bunny with a <em>Swiss Army</em> knife,” he shoves a few stray bags onto Jay’s chest. “I've got deceptive maknae energy. My visuals are wholesome.”</p><p> </p><p>Peer hyung disagrees with a passive, “Debatable. You admit you have a mix of Hoon-ah and Heeseungie hyung’s appeal.” Aggressive he shakes a paper bag for emphasis, “On that alone!? —the inherited legacy of those visuals you dual wield you’re guaranteed at least a one-shot double kill per accidental casualty! Know your weapon, Wonie.” </p><p> </p><p>“Hyperbolic <em>AND</em> bullshit.” Yang-deo keeps his eyes on his work, “I’m not Visuals Dad bags of stray knives across multiple parks nationwide fatal,” he folds sheets of decorative tissue from the jewelry bag, “and I don’t wink the knees off the living then lay waste populations with a lick like Hyung Dad Prime.” They stack in a neat pile to be taken home for reuse. “I wish, but I can’t fucking wink!? And god can only make so many miracles.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, your aura is industrial fabric softener grade but you're also Neodymium on a motherboard. Magnetic as fuck and you fry <em>indélébile</em>. You fry in French!” peer hyung grimaces realizing he’s just been shaking a bag of request bread. “Don’t you get that kills?”</p><p> </p><p>“You know who’s like that? Jake the hyung. Luring with harmless charm, then personally asphyxiating with a velvet memory foam pillow,” dongsaeng hyung flinches at the sight of a receipt, “If that’s not enough, he bodies with that lip bite. The audacity.” It goes in his pocket. “Goals though. Props.”</p><p> </p><p>“Listen to me!?” he screams rudely, “You have a fatal duality! You’re cute as a button then in a blink you’re a ‘what the fuck’ lethal!” With the most amount of manners he hands over a luxury bag. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon takes the bag from Jay, lighting up with an open-mouthed smile. He hasn’t had chance to see his hyung dad’s gifts up close.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, like Sunoo-ya? That double edged sword with a <em>Sanrio </em>hilt? He’s leveled the fuck up. Lit a <em>fire</em> under Niki-ah’s ass leveled up. Now he’s something else,” he spits facts, pawing through gilded crepe, “Legit, he’s a gunblade now, bedazzled with too many plush key chains. Effective, extra and a ‘what the fuck.’ Respect.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you not aware of how you move?” Jay holds up a box of noise cancelling ear buds rattling them for dramatic effect, “The way you dance is enough to make people weak and you’re still so fucking young! Also, newsflash—you’ve got swagger. There. I said it. Cute you’s got swagger!”</p><p> </p><p>Focus gets broken for that beat, Jungwon tilts his head with a slight swivel and fails to hold in a smile with a tuck of his lip. Wordless, he takes a jewelry box from the <em>Easel</em> bag.</p><p> </p><p>“Swagger? I don’t mind that,” he makes no eye contact, “but I do mind you taking that away from maknae Niki-ah. HE’S our fetus with long range turret gun shooting from an assault vehicle. Boy mercs crowds that aren’t even watching,” he comments unimpressed, “Also, I’m only two Earth years younger than you? I met you at this age. You’re still the same dude. I’m not that young.”</p><p> </p><p>While this is fun, hitting back every bit of flattery he’s been lobbed, his senses are too sharp. This feels like a trap. And for what? Sheep looks skyward, watching this bird circle above too close to a not so distant raincloud.</p><p> </p><p>Seeing that he’s not getting his point across, the older boy reaches for a similar vocabulary, “Jungwonie, you’re like a harmless lunchbox with rounded edges with a sweet little cartoon character design on the lid. You’ve got a matching thermos too, also with that sweet cartoon print,” he says calmly picking away at the box’s sticker price.</p><p> </p><p>Then Jay reanimates.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what’s inside that sweet little  lunchbox? Just KNIVES. Full sized kitchen knives. Packed to the brim with adult knives. I don’t know how it works but magically that thermos fits snug in there too. God help you if you’re thirsty coz twist the cap and surprise— its a full of loose razor blades! The kind that snaps off!” He keeps picking away at this sticker price with a force that almost tears into the pressed cardboard packaging, “That’s you! You’re a cartoon lunchbox set full of knives and stray blades!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, nice! You too?” Jungwon asks with a gasp, smiling at the engraving on the back of a silver pendant. “Childhood, am I right?” he says fondly. “Wild times. Good times!”</p><p> </p><p>That analogy sticks with Yang Garden but not in the way it was supposed to.</p><p> </p><p>“Glad you get that life,” his heart begins to swell with a tenderness that lingers. “Same but different again... from Seattle to Seoul. Jay-ah, we might be soulmates?” Briefly he indulges in a floating feeling, then he grounds himself in reality once more. “Or that was a generational affliction across the globe. Eh, who cares?” the babie blade comes back out for waved emphasis, “Knife emoji FOR THE WIN!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay choses to ignore that string of comments to not get sidetracked, “Wonie, you don’t understand!” He was being hyperbolic, he had a normal rich boy childhood but he’ll take part of that to heart.</p><p> </p><p>“Clearly, but nice try Jay hyung,” he rests his elbow on the backseat cushion, “I dress baggy, have cute face, work hard and do well. I’m good. Yeah, I’m learning to be lethal but I don’t think I’m there yet.” Grinning, he leans his cheek on his hand with knife.</p><p> </p><p>“You are wrong about that. Just WRONG.” Jaybird superfluously folds a separate paper receipt lengthwise only to use it as a pointer.</p><p> </p><p>He embodies a CGI bunny eye roll with a puff of his cheeks and a scoff, “Something’s wrong if you look at me that way all the time or you’re a child and its age-appropriate. Side note: something IS wrong with you and I question your emotional age, in Korea and on Earth.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon wants off this topic ASAP. This is hitting him in places he doesn’t want to feel.</p><p> </p><p>But Jay won’t back down. “One day you’ll have to take your shirt off and that’s all gonna change. Think of that social responsibility!” he rants with a passion, “People were better prepared for Sunghoon-ah’s shirtlessness and his face is a WARNING. Sure, Hoon-ah knows he’s a killer and he’s cutthroat so he doesn’t care. He’s been slaying since childhood but he was taken, given what 2% of screen estate and not even a full second of airtime did. Globally, he gagged with the loud crash of so many stainless steel spoons.” Jay shudders at a thought, describing a scene he might’ve lived through.</p><p> </p><p>“You act like I’m a junior Wonho with an open mind,” he clicks his tongue in displeasure, “Get it together, bird hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>Cellularly, Jay shakes. He used to love his brain.</p><p> </p><p>“Mankind is not ready for shirtless you. God knows how womankind will cope?! Flocks of birds will fall from the sky like so much rain. No one is ready! No one?! Who would suspect <em>THAT</em> land mine from cute little pretty you?!” Clearly, he feels strongly about this. “YOU will find yourself responsible for a changed globe with a birdless sky!”</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you so into this NOT PROBLEM?! This is pajama pants all over again! What <em>actual</em> topic are you flying the fuck away from?” Boss Yang pulls out his babie <em>Swiss Army</em> knife once more with superfluous purpose, “I didn’t and I won’t ask about your dream again. If <em>anything</em> makes you THIS WEIRD then I don’t want to know.”</p><p> </p><p>Gratuitously he slices off a tag he could’ve just slipped off the brooch.</p><p> </p><p>“How about take your own inventory!? We don’t have to go through how lethal you already are, shirt or nah! Already I know ENGENE will weep when you go publicly blonde. Oh my bird, the CARNAGE you will cause with bleach and HAIR.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay nods. “Wonie, you’re not wrong, but not the point.” He anticipates the death toll. </p><p> </p><p>“Well then, MAYBE GET TO THE POINT?!” a hiss.</p><p> </p><p>Jay said all this to confess, rid himself of a thought he’s been holding onto since waking, “Look, cartoon lunchbox. You killed me this morning. I confess to this weakness. What the fuck were you doing out without a shirt? Don’t do that!? Don’t let other people see that.” This is not what he needs to confess, but it’s the closest thing he can address, “Promise me that you’ll keep your shirt on?!”</p><p> </p><p>That gets the Boss Yang smiling evil tiny, “No promises but I dig that. Stay possessive.” he says, undoing exactly one button of his dress shirt, which is funny because it’s buttoned all the way up to the top of his neck.</p><p> </p><p>With yet another dramatic hand gesture Jay shrieks, “Randomly Shirtless Jungwonie wouldn’t leave me til I breakfast drank!” He waves a sticker price stuck to the end of his pointer finger at unimpressed sheep face, “Still! I walked the streets with that image in my mind and I couldn’t think straight!”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww. You say that like you want me that way.” Sheep doesn’t tilt his head, instead shuts the lid of a jewelry box and throws it back in the paper bag, “Which I guess NOW you do?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s NOT NEWS!” now Jay’s offended.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung.” He paws the bag onto the floorboard like a disinterested cat. “Remember when you had me alone for HOURS in a <em>hotel room</em>? When you took me down, had me on my back, drunk AND willing on an oversized bed, stripped down to just YOUR OWN fancy underwear, pinned underneath yourself? And YOU DID NOTHING. HUH?!” Sheep is a cat with a glare.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, <em>I know!</em>” Jay laments, throwing his hands up to his eyes, forgetting about his glasses.</p><p> </p><p>White fangs out, Jungwon sneers, “Sweet memories. Fun.” thoroughly pissed off.</p><p> </p><p>“I should’ve taken off my pants too!” His hands go down with a remorseful pout and sticker price stays on the corner of his left lens.</p><p> </p><p>That response gets a raised eyebrow, “Well that sucks,” he retracts his claws, “For you. Hyung, we are never going to have TIME or that kind of PRIVACY for a very very long time. We could’ve f—”</p><p> </p><p>“JUNG<em>FUCKING</em>WON!?” this buttonless blonde eagle calls into the wild.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly,” catty bee in a sweater cape has no sympathy. “Like that but with your body, not words,” he smirks.</p><p> </p><p>Jay bites his lip in a deep pout and blinks with a complimentary depth, whispering, “Please don’t make me cry…”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>YOU?</em> Pffff!?” Jungwon is actually offended, “I will if you quit taking a shit on my EGO. Don’t act like you aren’t in charge of your own faculties. You chose to <em>buy pajamas</em> on the phone!? OUTSIDE. We stayed out there chilled and chilling <em>platonic</em> in the energy of a ‘Fuck you? Nope’.” His open hand lands on his own chest with a smack, “You gave me the clearest NO. Accept that. Move on! What’s the point of bringing that up now?”</p><p> </p><p>Today this young boy’s supply of fucks to give keeps getting filled and drained at an unhealthy rate.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck me, I know! Wonie, I KNOW!” Jay rips his glasses off his face and throws them across the cabin feeling it emotionally appropriate, “I <em>wanted</em> to and I wanted <em>too</em> but you still smelled so much like Sunghoon-ah!”</p><p> </p><p>With a visible and audible leer he asks, “What is your DEAL with my Visuals Dad?”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t get it!” Jay sweeps the shopping bag he has in front of him to the floor board with an arm, grabbing the younger boy by the shoulders to shake syllabically, “I don’t fully either!? That guy— that ridiculously ATTRACTIVE guy, my pretty best <em>ACTUAL</em> friend—” he bemoans with his syllables shaky.</p><p> </p><p>“You hard for him?” He asks with one button down and one eyebrow up.</p><p> </p><p>“No! Literally, the COMPLETE OPPOSITE. <em>Biologically!</em>” Jay covers his face in his hands in shame, “I don’t understand it but its like clockwork? Everyone needs a friend like that but today —when he hasn’t been around me at all— I’ve been sideswiped by so many ALS Ice Bucket Challenges for <em>no reason??”</em> he emerges from his hands, looking like he needs a hug, “Fucking <em>Sunghoon’s Shampoo!</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon wears a face of a mathematician trying to solve the Riemann Hypothesis. He goes to reach over the trunk to grab Jake’s gift.</p><p> </p><p>“A lot of things make sense now,” he says now empathetic, handing over the giant plush, “Those ten minutes make much more sense now,” he leaves Jay to hold the plush, giving him two pats on the blonde.</p><p> </p><p>Jay takes the dog in his arms, closing his eyes as he hugs, “We went outside to keep <em>YOU</em> cold.” he admits something he probably wouldn’t have had he not felt so grunge and distressed.</p><p> </p><p>The young boy fights the urge to snatch that plush dog out of his hyung’s arms out of spite.</p><p> </p><p>“Briefly, I imagined patricide for the memes, but the cops won’t understand and this is not pretty Ice Prince hyung father’s fault,” he makes eye contact with the plush and psychically tells it to shut the fuck up and keep this a secret from Jake.</p><p> </p><p>Distant, Sheep-deo finds a silver lining on this rain cloud over Garden.</p><p> </p><p>“I choose to see this as a positive," he says, resolute. “These are good data points,” picking up shopping bags from the floor board he asserts, “The math doesn't work, so let's lean left into science.”</p><p> </p><p>“HOW?” Jay caws, fingers digging into fur plush.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry about it, Bird hyung." Carefully he sets the bags to the trunk, "Stay variable.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am NOT at ease.” Bird hyung gulps in mild anxiety.</p><p> </p><p>“Good. This is a control <em>thing</em>,” condescending, he clicks his tongue, “<em>My</em> control, <em>Thing</em>,” intentionally he talks in fluid test, “Jay hyung, quit getting high on my expense. Go back and study. Catch up with the rest of the class before you experiment, understood?” </p><p> </p><p>Lip askew, Jay nods. “Yes, Sir.” He gets that while he's skipped a few grades, he's not quite at that level.</p><p> </p><p>Originally Yang-deo had the discipline to keep his hard stance but ‘Sir’ just made him soft. And for what.</p><p> </p><p>Falling is fun, its almost worth hitting the ground. To himself he says ‘fuck it,’ deciding it might not be so bad to Icarus hard. Boy's only sixteen on Earth, how mature can he bee? Let him live. Let this cartoon lunchbox with full of knives and his internal thermos of snapped box blades be. He works so hard?! Let Yang Jungwon live. </p><p> </p><p>With intention, he sets himself up for failure, emotionally.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, I say that but,” a raised eyebrow and a wry smile and a sadistic suggestion, “you could’ve just asked me to take a shower?”</p><p> </p><p>“SON OF A BITCH.” bird tilts his head with a sharp swivel, “Why didn’t I think of water?” and the plush dog falls to the floorboard. “And soap?!”</p><p> </p><p>Dismay makes this smile grow fonder, “Maybe hopped in there too?” Radiating innocence, he bludgeons with fatally cute puffy cheeked pout. “Halfway through?”</p><p> </p><p>Puffy cheek pout deals a blow to Jay right in the soft. “BIRDdamnIT!?” Physically, he staggers. Emotionally, he blue screens.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” He lives for this visible grief, “Even better. Maybe we could’ve filled the tub? Ran a bath?”</p><p> </p><p>“SON OF HYUNG?!” His target receives that one-two punch. Upon hitting the ground, emotionally, he is curb stomped by his own flamboyant imagination.</p><p> </p><p>For this cold-blooded taunt Final Boss Yang uses both sides of his fatal duality.</p><p> </p><p>“With bubbles? Hyung, a bubble bath!? Fun!” His smile is absolutely cherubic, washing the filth this whole discussion implies. “Think of the bubbles! On me?”</p><p> </p><p>“NO, WONIE <em>NO!”</em> now hitting peak sorrow Jay buckles over in his seat, folding forward in half, by the waist lengthwise, “Oh the PAIN! The R. in my R.A.S. is regret...”</p><p> </p><p>Amused but confused Yang Garden runs a hand through his hair, “Jay hyung, how checked out were you when we checked in?”</p><p> </p><p>He is unable to decide if this is sad or funny. How much of this is everyday dramatics and how much of this is <em>actual</em> regret?</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t fucking know?!” the older boy throws a muffled tantrum into the leather seat. His frustration is puzzlingly sincere, “Emotionally I was GONE. Shirtless you made lose my <em>mind?!</em> Every thought hit me like so many birds falling from the sky? I tipped silly money because I could not MATH. All day, I’ve been too fucked up to math! I’m not dumb!? I do well in school? You fucked me up!? I needed <em>actual</em> Hoon-ah?! Then you fuck me up again!? Then I wok-up and almost dove in to you first thing!? Then I get <em>SUNGHOON’S SHAMPOOED? </em>Over and over you and <em>SHAMPOO?!!”</em></p><p> </p><p>This catty bee decides this display of cognitive deficiency is funny, “I know honey, I know,” he purrs, ruffling messy blonde messier.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t call me that!?” Jay unfolds his torso with wide-eyed horror, “It’s too close to Hoonie and I don’t want that for myself.”</p><p> </p><p>“Weren’t we just bee-deep in honey analogies earlier?” He smiles with an intentionally crooked half-biting grin.</p><p> </p><p>“That was different! Don’t call <em>ME</em> specifically that and I never called you honey. You’re my Wonie bee! Words mean things and so does grammar.” Like crochet cup, his logic holds no water.</p><p> </p><p>Mathematically, none of that checks out, “What the hell was the making out several times earlier then?” This is why Science.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s different,” this bird talks like he’s just flown in right into a rain cloud. With a darkness, “Nuance… Same energy, <em>different parts</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Conversationally, this is funny but the body language and the energy in the car weighs so heavy. Jay’s falls back, leaning his head so far back into the headrest he might snap his neck. His lip starts to quiver and he throws his arm over his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What. Is Jay about to cry?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“JaaaySUs. Welp…?” the sadness becomes something this young boy cannot ignore.</p><p> </p><p>There’s nothing funny about an actually sad Park Jay. The circumstances ARE hilarious, but watching this unfold is like watching a baby fall down fifteen flights of stairs like a slinky. Sure, its fucking hilarious but my god, it’s been going for minutes. Why does it keep falling at such a steady rate? Why won’t it stop rolling forward? Who left this baby here? Whose baby is this? Why are we watching this happen? Why is this funny? Is this a choice? Is this the baby’s choice? It has to be, it stops at the end of every flight to pivot and roll forward more flights of stairs. Why does it sound like its laughing?</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, Jay-ah. I’m sorry, I guess? For your loss?” Jungwon does feel horrible, but he’s shaking with so much withheld laughter that tears start streaming down his face. “My condolences. I don’t know what to say other than… umm… Rain check?”</p><p>
  
</p><p>“I’d like that.” Jay would be offended if he wasn’t doing the same thing. Laugh tears wet the inner crook of his sleeve, “Rain check, please.”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy takes his arm from his face, chuckling but visibly having cried, smiling with amazing amount of light hearted self-pity.</p><p> </p><p>With a similarly large feeling—cruel compassion— Boss Yang gives another unspoken order, unmoving but with outstretched arms. Inside, he knows he doesn’t have it in him to give comfort through a hug but Jay in any shade of sad triggers this reflexive mode, a generosity that slowly over time keeps crushing this young boy’s heart. Jay looks like he needs it and Jungwon decides he doesn’t need his. Jay can have his.</p><p> </p><p>“Damnit, Wonie. I suck,” the older boy comes in, curls in facing the backrest, legs angled sideways on the seat and sinks into that hug. He rests his head on this young Leader’s chest, above his heart, below his neck in sincere need of comfort. “I’m pathetic.”</p><p> </p><p>“You wish but you didn’t,” the younger boy rolls his eyes, hesitating briefly to close the embrace. “Also yes. You are pathetic… but you’re alright by me.” As always, he’s weak for him, so he gives whatever shreds of strength he has left in this hug.</p><p> </p><p>In his arms right now, Jay feels small. It hurts, but he knows that it’s on him to be the bigger man. With a forlorn smile that Jay won’t see, Jungwon takes a knife to his heart cuts this feeling in his chest in half. He gives his best and <em>favorite </em>friend a warm, melty slice of compassion and to himself he serves cold leftovers, a heartbreaking cruelty.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s worth it, he hopes? <em>He</em> knows. Does he <em>know</em>? Does <em>he</em> know? He <em>hopes</em>.</p><p> </p><p>He needs this sweater after this hug. It’s getting a little chilly and he feels like it. Light and blue. He’ll pull himself together, he’ll make Jay smile again.</p><p> </p><p>With his arms over the older boy’s shoulders he soothes, swaying side to side in a playful, light hearted rhythm.</p><p> </p><p>“Check back next time we’re free. When it’s warmer?” the boy leans his head in on blonde mess, full of this agonizing affection, “Maybe take a walk in the rain before? Tack that on for the memes?” What a shield, those memes.</p><p> </p><p>Jay looks up from the hug with a small smile, “A walk in the rain before rain check?” This pretty bird has a very pretty smile, “That’s funny.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you get the idea.” Jungwon smiles back with a softness, with sincerity behind this joke. “Maybe listen to Rainism on the way?”</p><p> </p><p>“Whaaaat? That’s so extra,” Jay’s smile grows larger, sitting a little straighter, “A walk in the rain before rain check while listening to Rain’s smash hit Rainism? Before we smash?!”</p><p> </p><p>That smile, oh his heart. He’ll keep leaning into humor. Now jokes: “Split a pair of ear buds, be ear buddies?” He’ll look happy, but his heart.</p><p> </p><p>This poor boy. This is hard.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god!” Jay is back a hundred percent, his mouth is an isosceles triangle. He lives for this. This joke, this suggestion, this lack of direct communication, “That sounds amazing! That’s silly levels of extra!”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes start to mist over, his face starts to hurt a little. This forced smile, this performance. Over time it takes on an exponential toll, but it’s okay. Already, they’re so close.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So close. Hold on.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The boy reaches for his nuclear option. He starts to sing.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna be a bad boy,” he’ll dance with his shoulders, still hugging Jay, “I gotta be a bad boy,” he’ll rock his torso in an exaggerated way, “I’m gonna be a bad bad boy,” he’ll keep making him smile now and maybe one day… “I gotta be a bad boy—”</p><p> </p><p>“That is romantic,” Jay sighs, enamored in full. Greatly, he appreciates this act. He wants to show that he does, he feels it too. Naturally, he tries to tell him in a way he’s used to.</p><p> </p><p>The tragedy here is that while they feel similarly, they need differently. One of them needs to tell the other the way he needs to be told, however the one who needs is so down and won’t ask anymore. When his requests went unheard, when it started to feel like begging, he stopped. To be present he began to deny that need, adapting a desire to be strong, forcing himself to be content with what he could acquire. Emotionally, this became another game of gay chicken but this stopped being funny long ago.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, Wonie bee,” predictably, Jay tilts his head. He cuts class again.</p><p> </p><p>He’ll fly past what he sees, that look he won’t read, but he will feel. The back of his hand traces down the side of the boy’s face, a feather light touch. His touch is delicate, that skin is just so soft and this cheek so plush, on the surface he sees a pink pastel, a growing blush. With two fingers to his chin, he tilts him up and leans down to speak his affections through the taste of a kiss.</p><p> </p><p>Too soon, the older boy closes his eyes. He fails to see that those lips, though eager have quivered into a bitter downhearted frown.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy’s mouth, it shakes a bit. He bites himself, on the edge of his lower lip, upset, disappointed in what he permits but he knows that deep down, even if this isn’t exactly it—this is what he wants, maybe just what he can get or perhaps this is all there is. This little bit of pain is nothing compared to the splintering in his chest. He will close his eyes too, he’ll take in this gift and keep in this guilt. No returns, no exchanges. It’s all he has. Before they touch he’ll wet his own lips with his tongue. Science proves this method instills a feeling of self-confidence. It works. Science.</p><p> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Like a boss, he resolves to beat Jay to the point, this kiss. He’ll do it like he wants to, like </span> <em><span class="s2">he’s</span></em> <span class="s1"> his and he’ll multitask, permitting himself a few heavy tears. He sighs into his mouth and he takes him whole, like he’s half of himself. He has a goal. To overpower and to overwhelm, with kindness and maintain control. He makes sure he keeps Jay’s hands occupied, away from the tears on his face. He takes what he’s learned in a public space, practical experience from Jay— he plays with his hands. Fingers fluid tracing lines, on palms squeezing soft, pressing deep with his thumbs, a running through the scales of energy. All this while he pours himself into every brush of his lips, every nip at that mouth, every intentional flick of his tongue. Each time Jay tries to take back the lead he gives a clear ‘no,’ with his everything a clear ‘no.’ </span><span class="s1">He lifts up to deepen the kiss further, only to angle this flood of liquid sad away. He aims to please, desperate to keep this —whatever this is— nothing but sweet. Only he knows this salt from his eyes and this bitter lump in his throat. That he’ll withhold. Like he always does, he delivers a performance that’s nothing short of spectacular. He does well. Full marks.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">It’s not even those big three words. That’s the saddest part. </span> <span class="s1">Jay skipped romance pre-K to 12th. This idiot savant can speed read Altlas Shrugged easy but cannot punctuate for shit and thinks phonics is a mythical bird.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Jungwon pulls away first, he’ll keep that control. He covers his face with his sweater and pretend to only be hiding in embarrassment. Then he shakes it off, like a pro. He smiles at Jay, sweet and corny.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p>Like a bird flown into a glass panel, Jay is a little stunned. He pulls back slow with sentimental smile. Made timid by that display of combative tenderness, he looks away. Overpowered by this growing adoration that pulls at his chest, he pulls away and decides he cannot look directly at that face.</p><p> </p><p>“I just can’t with you,” This bird coos, reaching for the wrongest, most age-appropriate throw away expression to say. It means nothing, just that he’s terribly inarticulate when he’s taken by delicate feelings. “I am very upset with myself.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s smile shakes more than it already has been, his eye twitches just a bit. At this point he’s an expert at holding this particular emotion in, he could teach a masterclass.</p><p> </p><p>“So am I, hyung!” he says with a joke half meant and a heart gutted whole. To save face he makes himself laugh a little too loud, a little too much but he needs this cover for the few tears that squeeze out. Lucky him, he looks good despite crying.</p><p> </p><p>Sighing out of that ‘spontaneous’ ‘laugh’ he makes an offer, “Hey hyung, I took the soju we didn’t finish. Got a quarter of a bottle left if you wanna get semi lit?”</p><p> </p><p>Bird hyung thinks it’s sweet how this cat started pawing for his bag before he had a chance to respond.</p><p> </p><p>“You take such good care of me. I’d like that.” How well he’s treated with this anticipatory service, “Wait, Wonie… do you know what this means?”</p><p> </p><p>Unzipping his bag with an urgency he asks, “Do tell hyung, I have no clue where your brain is going right now but I’m down to ride,” he smirks in character, “this vehicle home.”</p><p> </p><p>He can’t wait to yell at everyone, throw solid expensive guilt probably literally at their faces, play this addictive game again in the closet, then hop in the shower to free cry under running water.</p><p> </p><p>The older boy looks at him with a knowing smile. “Open carry,” his eyebrows do a hop. He knows this detail matters a lot. “You’ve been carrying an open container of alcohol in public spaces while underaged.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Jungwon freezes in the middle of unscrewing the bottle, “Are you telling me I did crimes at the mall? And I didn’t know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Yes I am.” Jay nods, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder. “Wonie, congrats,” he says it because he means it and he knows this matters, “You’ve got one more to add to today’s wins. Proud of you.”</p><p> </p><p>Hyung welcomes his dongsaeng in his arms to give a solid, nurturing embrace. It feels safe, like home.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay... <em>ah?”</em> the boy’s hands are still on the bottle, frozen. His voice quavers, genuinely touched, “That’s the most thoughtful thing for you to notice,” his voice breaks, “You <em>know</em> me so well… and you <em>always</em> treat me <em>too well</em>.” He lets go, emotionally. He won’t hug back, he’ll just twist open this bottle.</p><p> </p><p>Concerned at this noticeable tone shift, Jay pulls back. “Wonie, are you crying? Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy takes this window of open personal space and turns up the soju. He takes the deepest swig. He emerges still with eyes streaming, internally screaming.</p><p> </p><p>With a shakey ‘ah’ he wipes he back of his mouth and his eyes with his sleeves.</p><p> </p><p>In CG he animates, “I’m okay. I’m just great, man! I just…” he mimes joy, “I just I fucking <em>LOVE</em> crimes, okay? CRIMES.” he’s getting worse at holding it in, “Man, I just... I really really love crimes. I love crimes <em>so much.</em>” this smile is so painful to keep up, but he does.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s head tilts at a swivel. Like a bird, he observes from a distance.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon forgets he was supposed to share. “Crimes are great. So GREAT. Crimes keep me going, when it just gets sooo tough... you know what I mean? Like, crimes are so <em>perfect? </em>For me?! Crimes so <em>good</em> to me!” he keeps sipping. “I enjoy crimes…”</p><p> </p><p>Jay tries to slowly take the bottle away from this boy fawning over crimes. He doesn’t get to the bottle in time.</p><p> </p><p>“… and I just want to keep doing crimes more? <em>HOW</em> do I not? I'M A MAN. Crimes are <em>COOL</em>. Crimes are HOT! I mean I... I love crimes, damnit! Oh I would do crimes if I WAS ALLOWED. Look out! My god, and what crimes DO TO MEeeE?! Physically and EMOTIONALLY. The fulfillment! The <em>order</em> fulfillment! The shipping and <em>handling</em>!? The first class with tracking?!? The EXPRESS DELIVERY?!?! AAAhH shit!” Yangwon turns it up and he kills it. The bottle.</p><p> </p><p>Jay susses that this rant might not be just about crimes. This is also about online shopping? Or something else.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh… Maan, I... I don’t just want to DO crimes, I want crimes in my life…? Forever? A life of crimes? AWW. With crimes… I want crimes to be part of me. I like crimes... Do crimes even like me? Am I fit to lead a life of crimes!? If I stop doing crimes, will crimes… ugh this doesn’t work. What am I to crimes? What are crimes to me? Am I not a boy who has it bad for crimes!? Is this just a game of crimes?? Is that what this is? Am I just a game?! OF CRIMES? Are these my crimes? I don’t fucking care! I need crimes at this point. I can’t without crimes anymore. Crimes like these? These are hard crimes. I don’t have the crime for this?! Daylight Savings Crimes!” He turns up the empty bottle because he’s the kind of kid who holds onto hope.</p><p> </p><p>Jay has figured out that some of these are puns. Time puns. Something is wrong with Yang Jungwon. Emotionally.</p><p> </p><p>“Crimes though, I mean crimes. Look at crimes. Always with my eyes on those crimes. Oh sweet, stupid crimes. IDIOT CRIMES. Crimes aren’t people. Crimes is BIRDS! Oh god, why am I so drawn to crimes? I go hard on crimes but I’m soft—SO <em>SOFT</em> for crimes?! <em>Why,</em> crimes? Crimes make my life so hard sometimes... Ah SHIT. What the fuck, me?” Out of spite, he throws the empty bottle on the floorboard for being useless to him now.</p><p> </p><p>… Jay wonders if this is about him. Maybe it’s time? Maybe now is later? Maybe?</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, what am I doing anymore? <em>Why </em>can’t I<em> stop?</em> I HAVE A JOB.” He folds in half like an ancient phone that made its debut when he was two Earth years old.</p><p> </p><p>Jay thinks this also vaguely work related. He’ll try to help him out with that. Oh wait, HE is vaguely work related. They do work together.</p><p> </p><p>He stays folded, crying into his own pants.</p><p> </p><p>Jay blinks. “You want a hug?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m good,” he whispers into his denim, unmoving. “Hand me my sweater please?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay obliges. Jungwon takes the knit and starts putting it on and stops. He keeps his head inside his sweater, starts to audibly cry at the memory of a dream and then he just stops. Moving and making any sounds.</p><p> </p><p>Wide eyed, confused and similarly frozen in motion Jay asks, “Do you want help with that?” he almost reaches out to touch him but thinks better. Good for him. This is a new shade of freaked out Jungwon he has never seen before.</p><p> </p><p>With a calm voice Jungwon answers concise, “I’m okay. This is on purpose.” he holds his hands up, a warning to maintain distance, “Let me stay this way a little longer. Please and thank you,” audibly he swallows with his head completely covered the knit torso.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon cries silently inside his light blue sweater. He cries until his head feels light because he feels so blue. He thinks he’s hiding it, or he hopes but Jay can’t help but notice that the blue fabric’s color gradually deepens. The knit grows damp with so much liquid emotion.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><span class="u">ALTERNATE SUBTITLE</span>: Jungwon loves crimes. Jay hates Sunghoon’s Shampoo sometimes.</p><p>________________</p><p>😬 ah. well. what’d you think? </p><p> </p><p>Um, haven’t said it in these terms but I like you. Reader-nim. Thanks, for being my everyday. I don’t know you well, but your time and your eyes on my work mean so much to me. I feel that energy and idk I just thought I’d take the time to be sweet for what. lol </p><p>Words matter 🤭</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Hello stupi I.D.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>JayWon get on the same page.<br/>It’s a confusing read.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>part 4 of 4 in the’Scalade.</p><p>____________ </p><p>Grab a pillow or a plush.  No rush.</p><p>____________<br/></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Yang Jungwon is comfortable in his seat but he looks otherwise. In a word, he’s crumpled. On the back cabin he faces the headrest at an angle, slumped with his cheek pressed on plush, head at a swivel, arms dangling by his sides, hands bent back at the wrists. When the car takes too sharp a turn, he lilts in the opposite direction. He jostles the only other passenger riding the’Scalade.</p><p> </p><p>Eyes shut, mouth slightly askew, he takes time to recharge.</p><p> </p><p>Visibly, Sheep is asleep. He isn’t, he’s in sleep mode. From time to time he relies on this function to reserve power, save space and wipe memory, personal and emotional. Times just like these when he’s just cleared a bunch of junk, verbally.</p><p> </p><p>Park Jay lets him rest. While the younger boy is down, he runs through his soft wear. Literally, the light blue sweater. It’s damp in a few places, in pairs, splotches a consistent distance away from each other.</p><p> </p><p>The recognition of that distance tugs at Jay’s heart. He sifts the fabric to even out texture with his fingers. Each set of two in this pattern measures the space between the Yang Jungwon’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Jay feels the weight on himself. He moves the cursor.</p><p> </p><p>“Goddamnit,” he curses, “How long are you going to pretend to sleep?”</p><p> </p><p>“Birddamnit,” still, the younger boy parrots in fluent JayWon. “Let me live.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t want to talk about it.” Jay fumbles with the knit, “That’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want that talk about you.” Jungwon parrots bae, “This okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Jungwonie, we can hop off the subject if you want,” he reaches to hold his hands, “We can act like that didn’t happen but I want you to know that <em>I know </em>that wasn’t about crimes.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes flit open, staring lazily out the rear window. His fingers curl over the older boy’s hands in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry I drank all the soju,” he shrugs lopsided. “I don’t want to talk about feels, but you’re wrong. I do love <em>actual</em> crimes. Mostly victimless, but they have to be fun.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t mind missing out on soju,” Jay laces in his fingers, “and I don’t mind your relationship with crimes as long as you let me in, but I am upset with you.”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy breathes out a scirk. “Jay hyung, are we fighting?”</p><p> </p><p>“We will if you keep letting my favorite person cry alone.” Jay looks through the passenger’s side window with a sad smirk. “Don’t do that anymore? We have to share.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hypocrite~!” Drunkwon pushes himself off his slump, letting go of a hand. “Bring it on,” with garbage aim he tamps down lavender blonde. “Fight me.” A hand limply smushes onto Jay’s face while issuing this low-energy dare.</p><p> </p><p>Jay swipes the palm over his eye socket, “By fight you I mean hug aggressively while crying also! Stop pushing me away, please!?” he scolds with a gentle grip. “You’re not allowed to cry outside of my arms! Not anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! No promises. Your tears are infectious! We’ll be stuck in a negative cry loop forever.” A honeyed smirk, “Also… I can’t, effectively. Plus I don’t <em>actually</em> want to,” then a yuja wedge, “Just let me feel sad about you without you.”</p><p> </p><p>That smirk is a fine line fracturing Jay’s heart. “Wonie, I’m asking you nicely now, lean on me? Really. I want you to.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon takes this literally, flopping down with his torso askew. “There. Done.” he mouths entirely onto Jay’s shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“I meant emotionally. This works but lean in more EMOTIONALLY?” Frustrated, Jay draws a sharp breath in, switching to back pats. “Wonie, I’m sor—”</p><p> </p><p>“sHuSh?! I don’t want it,” he breathes out a soft smirk. Jay can tell the shape over his shirt, “If you don’t want to see me sad, put in work. Push back and pull me through,” he talks into silk. “I work hard and I’m hard work. I won’t give it up.”</p><p> </p><p>Back pats turn into soothing back rubs, “You got it! I like hard work a lot. I will work hard for hard work,” he speaks a multifaceted truth from his heart.</p><p> </p><p>“D’aww!” Yangwon tilts his head, almost rolling off his shoulder, “Look at you. Getting closer, Jay hyung!” At 17% more battery life he leans out of hug to clumsily pat a shoulder, “That’s progress. Good job! Keep at it, you’ll get promoted. Get paid, get la—<em>O shipt</em>,” he grimaces.</p><p> </p><p>At this point his aim, reaction time and ability to gauge energy output are impaired(-ish). He smacks Jay right on a soft part of his neck over that recently loosened high collar, inducing an abrupt cough.</p><p> </p><p>“B<em>uh-gkhph</em>ff! Watch it?!” Hyung buckles over, holding his throat. He protests then does a Park Jay and instantly yields. “Ugh, never mind. I deserve this… but I sing for a living, remember?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oops-phf<em>f</em>f<em>h</em>.” he sputters a low effort laugh, “Not wrong. That’s no way to treat employees,” clocked out, he goes into animated cartoon BossMode. “Especially critical staff? Jay-ah, you’re <em>my</em> civil servant. Like a butler, but for leadershit. You help preside over the TEAM! You’re my chairperson?! Stand up for your rights! …but remain seated, Mister Chairman.”</p><p> </p><p>He raises a fist for Impact, white knuckled with an audible pop, outlined over black cashmere and meant to subtitle a meme, like the font.</p><p> </p><p>Jay gives him an agonized eye roll, rubbing where palm hit his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Behave, Wo—<em>woA</em>H?!!”¡sSLAPp! </p><p> </p><p>He barely has a chance to recover when his face gets a well-intentioned two handed slap, seeing countless stars.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie?! Stop hitting me so hard?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung? Look at me.” This boy is a hypocrite. He can barely focus on the face he’s hand sandwiched, “Look at me?”</p><p> </p><p>Through squished lips and smooshed cheeks Jay peeps, “Wot ish eep boss?”</p><p> </p><p>Starting with a scrunched nose to charm, Jungwon’s face blooms into an intoxicating (/-ed) smile. “Thank yo<em>u!</em> For this legend day. You did real good, bird.” Careful, he rests his forehead onto Jay’s mumbling a soft, “… pretty bird.” Then he jolts with a stagger.</p><p> </p><p>Drunkwon wears the face of an <em>actual</em> child doing complex math, unsure why he said that aloud.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Jay’s head tilts in the hand sandwich, extra cheesing. It’s curious how much he catches left sober. What slips out, what does and doesn’t slur, how he leans hard into what he can’t cover. Sheep’s over the fence and eagle observes to catch what else falls out.</p><p> </p><p>With a twist of his lips, he resets. “17 outta 10, I’d do this again. With you. Same way, no different. No smash cuts, edits, filters... maybe add subtitles? Even the garbage before meet up. This day with you… tears plus screams and extra trauma. With you, I wouldn’t change a thing,” he says, black hair on blonde, “It’s just so terribly fun with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Then he lets go of this bird and leans back to shoot off two sideways finger guns like a sweet faced gangsta.</p><p> </p><p>Jay is thrown by this kindness. “At your service, always. The pleasure was mine,” he smiles bittersweet, “I could’ve timed things better but you’re welcome,” his voice dampens with feels, lips sideways sad, “and thank YOU. I had so much fun too but JayWon doesn’t <em>feel</em> okay? Wonie bee, honeybee... You’re not good?“</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right, I’m not. I’m evil! Ha ha!” he smiles dimples out, dual wielded finger guns beneath his chin.</p><p> </p><p>That was too extra, even for Jay. He felt the space between syllables. That space breaks his heart. He wishes it wasn’t so obvious how on the surface he’s drawn away from that solid pain.</p><p> </p><p>“You wish,” he folds, sweeping the boy’s fringe aside. “You’re just a bad boy who does good things to me. I’m upset that I keep making this sweet person so very sad,” he breathes a gloomy sigh. “I feel we’re a little sad.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sad? Naah,” Yangwon shakes his bangs back in place. “We’re just <em>us</em> in our everyday way,” he distracts with a near convincing smile. “Jay hyung, did you have fun?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I did.” Jay’s lip shakes, “With you, I did.” Absently his hand clutches the cashmere over his chest. “With you, always is terribly fun.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be upset. Today fell right.” Sheep-deo’s eyes tilt low to that hand, “Our schedules didn’t match, still we met up and had so much downtime, just <em>us</em>, for literal hours. The world was ours. Everything that went left felt right. Right? Like Icarus if he lived. We got too close, son.<em> P</em>ff<em>ft?!</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” Bird hyung’s eyes tilt low to spots of darkened blue on knit, “You and I, Icarus in the best light. I get that but I disagree with ‘too,’” he sighs heavy and sentimental.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s right, baby bird. We was everyday JayWon but in the wild, WILD!” he raises a fist for emphasis with a pop of multiple knuckles.</p><p> </p><p>That sound induces a worried gulp from Jay.</p><p> </p><p>“Today’s been a dream, but it’s not over!” he declares with worried brows, “I don’t want it to be, not yet,” then his voice cracks, “and I’m aware all this has to end.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, no. This doesn’t have to end!” The older boy gets taken by distress.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean this actual day?” Jungwon clarifies, with a wobble. He reads this familiar expression and recalls last seeing it at <em>TOUS les JOURS</em>, “Hyung, are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“NO, but who cares!? Are you?!” Jay gathers him again in a desperate clinging hug, “Wonie, your voice cracked and you look like you about to cry again!”</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, chill! I’m cried out and drunk?” he hugs apprehensive, troubled by this reaction, “Of course I have cryface? Sure, my eyes look garbage tired. I <em>am</em> tired. I got out sleepmode, been up since way before dawn and my throat’s raw from a steam of saline and screams plus we’re out of <em>VOSS</em>,” he struggles to swallow, moisture levels at a low. “Hyung..?”</p><p> </p><p>The unease within Jay is palpable, it’s on his face, in this hug, in his voice and it’s clear what this is about. This is multifaceted déjà vu.</p><p> </p><p>It’s after hours yet still he looks out for his Chairman. A lucid function takes over—real BossMode—as much as it can while inebriated. He lives up to his given title and takes in who he is, a boss you can rely on. For Jay, he creates a positive environment where he’ll feel cared after and safe to work on his feelings.</p><p> </p><p>Unlike that hasty open faced slap sandwich, he takes Jay in his hands as if cradling an oven-fresh croissant—a hot, buttery croissant to eat while laying bed. Yes, a lazy luxury but that’s what this energy is. From the mindful awareness of the heat, the intention to chew, to the concern he might crumble flakey in a mess if handled too harsh, and the appreciation for the elegance of this foreign born bread.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah, why do you keep acting like I want to leave?” He is blunt but kind, “I would never! You know how I feel. Quit being my hyung and be REAL. How about <em>YOU</em> lean on ME now? You have me and we <em>have</em> to share.”</p><p> </p><p>Boss Yang's hands shift from the sides of his face, combing through blonde, smoothing an arm around the broadside of his back. With tenderness, he tips Jay’s head to rest on his shoulder, bringing him into a large, accepting embrace. It is a declaration of deep solidarity.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you so afraid of?” The question’s asked low and close with the intimacy of <em>actual</em> friendship. “What worries you so? What is it about us that makes you so anxious, Park Jongseong?”</p><p> </p><p>“Jungwonie, I…” for a moment he hesitates then accepts this frustrated dejection within, “I don’t know what to do with my heart. I don’t know what to do about you,” feelings in earnest leak out in words he’s kept to and from himself, “These beautiful feelings, this want to be close and this intense worry. At my best, still, I can’t stop hurting you.”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy won’t diminish this perspective with a typical dongsaeng smirk, but he’ll be himself and serve a cup of his signature blend of tough love.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t think I’m helpless. I don’t want or need you handling me with kid gloves. That’s not why this works. We work hard and we play rough. I want you in my life as <em>yourself</em>. Yeah, you hurt me, but you treat me right. With you, I’m exceptional. Plus you give really great hugs. You just like this is enough.”</p><p> </p><p>Further, he closes the space within the hug, lowering his head, and tender with his jawline brushes a trail through Jay’s neck. “Don’t stop staying close. Try to catch up, be exceptional with me. Help me? Be my human cape,” he laughs at how well that meme works, “I’m a superhero with you behind me. Legit, you help my ideas take flight. Get on board? Come fly with me,” it makes him shy to use that secret phrase, that silly pet name, but it feels right and he’ll lean into it because that’s how soft his feelings really are, “… pretty bird.”</p><p> </p><p>As he breathes out the words he’s left timid, tucking in a bit of his lower lip.</p><p> </p><p>However full and warm this embrace, Jay pulls away to see the face the boss makes when he uses those words. Eyes seem softer and larger, sparkling with with a something he can’t quite discern. Curious that the boy can’t look straight at him when already he's seen so many versions of those eyes. Steely glare, molten scowl, smiling squint and deadened gawk, plain drunk stare— this is new. <em>Actual</em> vulnerability suited for his youth, widening the gap between peaks and valleys of his character’s dissonance.</p><p> </p><p>The dissonance is breathtaking and all at once, Park Jay knows he’s in love.</p><p> </p><p>Jay breathes out a ragged sigh, shook entirely by this boy with the audacity call him a bird to his face. He’d kiss him, but he can’t bring himself to miss this sight for a single second.</p><p> </p><p>How unfortunate that this rare face doesn’t last, replaced with a honey lemon glower. When the words pour out with this look, Jay will wish he had leaned in for a kiss but then he’ll listen and accept the message because Wonie Bee stings with hard truth.</p><p> </p><p>“...but DAMNIT, bird hyung! You piss me off. Already I KNOW, but why don't you say SO? It breaks my heart every time even if we’re ALWAYS together.” He shakes his head with an open-mouthed scoff, “I’m smart, not a mind reader, plus I’m a human teenager! Let me be selfish and insecure?” With a heavy-lidded with sigh, he slides back into the hug with a voice barely above a whisper, “Sometimes I want to hear that you won’t let go of my hand,” he clings back with pressure in his fingers, “even if I KNOW you can’t stay away either if you tried.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, I’m sorry,” Jay’s head lilts, his ear with the charm resting on fluffy black, “I didn’t want to be heavy or deep in case I don't live up to these feelings. Still, I can't help but be greedy,” he acknowledges a self-serving cowardice. “Every time I take, I know a piece of you leaves with me. I don’t want to keep disappointing you and breaking your heart. Wonie, you deserve the world and I can't give you that. Not yet.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes narrow and the sweetness dilutes from his honey lemon scowl. Now his scowl is pure yuja, just sour and distinctly Korean. With hands to those shoulders, he pushes Jay back onto seat plush. This requires eye contact, displeasure in full view.</p><p> </p><p>“The fuck good is a world without you in my orbit?” his eyebrows knit, teeth grit in a yuja scowl, “Ya! Jay-ah, you<em> mindfuck </em>with this dissonance,” edging closer, he sneers in his personal space, “and I do it right back. Hard. Real hard.” He leans past his face to that lobe with that dangling earring, with malice slows his speech to enunciate. “Repeatedly, intentionally, frequently and WITH<em> cruelty</em>.” He growls, leaning completely out. “Out of spite at first, but it’s cool. I get off on it now.” In full view his eyes grow large, brows up at a soft arc with a disquietingly innocent smile, “You don’t do it on purpose, but I do.” He shrugs, tone dipping back into honeyed, “Hyung, deep down I know you like this too,” with a nod he hugs him wholesome.</p><p> </p><p>This sends Jay laughing a soft melody onto knit, “Oh my... God! Why am I so endeared the more terrifyingly fucked up you are?” He hugs back like a parent of a toddler who just gifted a hand picked flower, “How do you keep drawing me in while you shake me to my core? Why do you let me in when I just hurt you more?” He breathes a sigh that swells through his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe you WANT to be shook? Your face says everything, always.” This smart boy spits facts and with a playful sway he lets go, “Every day I choose to Yang Jungwon with Park Jay. I like to spar and I know what I signed up for. Just Everyday us.”</p><p> </p><p>Like a bro he extends a fist to bump.</p><p> </p><p>Jay takes that bump, “I’m an idiot, huh?” He says as the bump fizzles into a lateral jazz hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Yup. You’re dense but soft like bread, but idiot. You have substance and I will eat you,” audibly he bites with a silly energy, with a self-aware grin, “I get why you think you need me. You don’t, but I’ll take that gift.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really, I do. I need you and I admire you. To learn to be bad to balance out my soft. Jungwonie, you’re the bad boy I wish I could be.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why? You’re already amazing. How about we agree to be the visuals of each other’s <em>actual</em> vibe? I’ll be as cute as you are soft on the inside and you can be the face of the bad boy I need to hide.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I’d like that very much.” Jay sees him with a soft focus lens.</p><p> </p><p>“Cool! Let’s be JayWon for life then,” with a closed-mouth grin he ends his pep talk with two wholesome pats on the back.</p><p> </p><p>In his mind Jay hears the chorus of Stardust is Falling. “Yes… please.” The world could burst into flames and all Jay would see is this boy in front of him with light blue sparkles and a pink color shift adding to his soft focus. Feeling this moment completely he finally says, “Jungwonie, I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Yang Garden blinks, backing away at an angle. “Thank you, <em>friend,</em>” a robotic voice and a hand shake, “You are my best <em>friend</em>. My favorite <em>friend.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s face is calculus at a kindergarten, “What?” He tries again, ”I love you more than a friend.” He hopes a few more words make it clear.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww?” Sheep-deo tilts his head mechanically while he smiling in practically a grimace. “I know. We're a family, bro.” His mouth is rectangular, “Us, parent hyungs, and SunKi plus Jake the dog.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay is weirded out, eyes darting around the interior, not quite sure what’s going on. Are they being watched? Is this filmed? Is he being pranked? How drunk is Jungwon? Why is this not going the way it should?</p><p> </p><p>“Uh… okay?” Slightly frustrated, but unwavering he literally takes matters into his own hands to send his message across. He looks deep into his eyes, “Yang Jungwon, I love you more than anyone I’ve ever known.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon stiffens, eyes wider, mouth angular and saying nothing. His face grows more uncomfortable the longer you look at it like a psychic photograph, but on a boy.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you more than my entire <em>actual</em> family?” This is a test, right?</p><p> </p><p>Internally, Sheep Garden is bleating in horror. He is so visibly unnerved that Jay in all his adoration finds it challenging to maintain eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>Hyung is tenacious. “I love you in a way that is completely inappropriate for a hyung to love a dongsaeng?” This is about finding an exact combination of words, right?</p><p> </p><p>Sheep’s eyeballs threaten to fall off. Veins pop out of his neck. He starts to sing in self-defense.</p><p> </p><p>“Yellow C.A.R.D 이 선 넘으면 침범이야 beep”<br/><em>( If you cross this line, it’s a violation, beep )</em></p><p> </p><p>He leans further away from Jay at steeper angle. Core strength and a rigid hold on his limbs keeps him from completely succumbing to gravity.</p><p> </p><p>Jaybird caws, “What the shit?” shaking syllabically, “Are you fucking with me? Birddamnit!” He follows that strange angle forward maintaining this intimate distance also held up by tenuous forces— core strength and a stubborn need to get Jungwon to take him seriously.</p><p> </p><p>Should this’Calade hit the breaks at any speed, these two would tumble down floorboard.</p><p> </p><p>“Yang Jungwon, I think I’m in love you!”</p><p> </p><p>Passion and irritation take over this bird’s brain. Brain says, ‘Fuck it, I’m going on break,’ clocks out leaving the building completely. Park Jay breaks, determined to take a sharp left into this moment and comes in for a kiss despite clear resistance.</p><p> </p><p>SPOILER ALERT: It doesn’t happen. What does happen is that for a few Park Jay loses his BIRDdamned mind.</p><p> </p><p>Jay knows these feelings are mutual but right now he’s being fucked with—and for what? Now that he’s found the balls on himself to use his words, three specifically, that have tugged at heart for so long with emotions that grew so tall that they manifested into haunting recurring dreams. Since that fateful VLIVE he's had these dreams, finally escalating in the last night with a vision of this boy, this precious person in his life, nearly jumping off a cliff. This progression and the confusing series of events within dream after shook him awake, causing him to leap out of bed to run outside far before dawn in the harsh cold of Korean winter wearing just his pajamas and his entire down comforter. Outside he found himself praying that his best <em>actual</em> friend's uncanny 7th sense was strong enough to pick up on his distress, somehow managing to come to his aid like always has, like magic, appearing <em>every time</em> he needed that SPECIFIC calming because BIRDDAMNIT, the biting cold wasn’t enough. That and the persistent ghost of Borld’s West, the dreams, this phantom pain, the longing—it all ends TODAY! </p><p> </p><p>Regardless, Yang Jungwon WILL accept this verbal confession in full even if he has to push it down with FORCE. Park Jay WILL shove his affection so hard into that face because deep down he KNOWS this what he WANTS too. He’ll take him with shock and awe, exactly how he knows this boy likes it. Past experiences are the best predictors of future outcomes. He KNOWS through first and second hand, plus mouth experience that this bossy honeybee is just that big a TEASE. He gets off on the older boy’s personal suffering! He just wants a fight?! He LIVES for this energy!! So, OF FUCKING COURSE!? JaySUS Fancy Cheesing Crimes! IS THIS WHAT HE WANTS? Does he want Park Jay to go out of his mind?? Well BIRDDAMNIT, it is HAPPENING! THIS IS IT. This boy, this sheep, this catty bee, his boss, this potential criminal mastermind with pretty <em>fucking</em> eyes—whether he likes or not— (who is he kidding? OF FUCKING COURSE HE DOES?!) Is getting told 'I Love You' with feeling and he will get the LOGIC kissed out of him. He will struggle with casual MATH! He will BLUE SCREEN until he sees White Stilton Gold! They might end up floorboard this time. Who knows what other <em>Crimes of Fashion</em> might occur? There is no more SANITY to edge out of this expensive boy. He is BANKRUPT of fucks to give. Park Jay is going out of his <em>BIRDDAMNED</em> mind. CAW!!!!</p><p> </p><p>Like a ringtone, Sheep replies with an electric response.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello stupi I.D. 그 선 넘으면 정색이야 beep”<br/><em>( If you cross that line, I’ll get serious, beep )</em></p><p> </p><p>Jay is hit with a bright yellow sheet of paper in the face. He is stunned.</p><p> </p><p>Silent with yellow paper face, he slowly brings himself and the boy he’s gripping with a dangerous force that may or may not be actively bruising back to an upright angle.</p><p> </p><p>In his mind Jay justifies this as acceptable because it is winter in Korea and no one should be wearing short sleeves for a long time. These marks, if there are any, should be fine unless someone else in the group magically sees Jungwon shirtless.</p><p> </p><p><em>SHIRTLESS</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Park Jay loses his mind again. “YANG JUNGWON?!”</p><p> </p><p>Well, so much for anonymity. Now the driver definitely knows who his passengers are. Jay will have to tip with a years worth of rent at a high-rise in Gangam.</p><p> </p><p>“REALLY!?” soundwaves from his scream are visible on paper, somehow still sticking to his face, “THE FUCK???”</p><p> </p><p>If Jungwon was a baby—and he isn’t—he would be dead from all this shaking.</p><p> </p><p>“After TEN!? <em>THIS</em> is the line? WHY! <em>WHY</em> DO YOU CARRY THAT CARD?” he CAWS all caps, tearing the paper from his face, breathing hard, vision jaundiced, seeing yellow.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon has a black belt and a knife. He isn’t helpless in this situation. Admittedly, he has beaten a few humans in his short life half to death. At any point, he could get out of this hold easy and kicked Jay’s seated butt if he felt at all threatened. He doesn’t and is letting this happen. However, he is annoyed at the volume cutting through his personal space.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m just asking you to quit skipping the line.” Jungwon holds his position, “Jay-ah, you’re tiring me out.” he says with a frown.</p><p> </p><p>Overcome with this look of exhaustion on that face, he mellows. “Wonie, you can’t control when we step over boundaries when we don’t define the line.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung, you can’t control something you don’t acknowledge!” While combative, he keeps the energy of a request.</p><p> </p><p>None of this is malicious. Legitimately, Jungwon needs something else. After so many hours seeing each other at their rawest, realest levels Jay reads this need.</p><p> </p><p>Genuinely he asks, “Jungwonie, is this where you draw the line? At ‘I love you’?" Confused but wanting to understand the older boy backs down.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, I draw the line at being TIRED!” All at once, desperation comes out. “Please, don’t do this. Not that yet? Don’t make me grow up too fast AND do all the work?” He grabs Jay by buttonless opening of his expensively abused silk overshirt, “Let me live SOME parts of my youth in the RIGHT ORDER??”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy is thrown. “How do we go from vibing so hard to not speaking to the same language?” Multifaceted, this is a problem for this transcontinental bird.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, listen! I mean every joke. Every song, every ‘hyung’ and every ‘ah’. Match cases!" he screams onto face and singlehandedly grabs his chin, “LOOK AT ME?! Listen, please!” He shakes this bird facially syllabically, “This <em>IS</em> a test! Fucking READ what I <em>NEED</em>? You made me hate an onomatopoeia! I HATE ‘AWW’ NOW?! What how does ‘AWW’ make you feel?” Carl Jungwon pops in for a second and yeets, “Quit traveling forward in time and fly back a few timezones?!”</p><p> </p><p>In typical toJay’s fashion, he starts off in a flat pokerface, “This is American math but with Korean age,” he says, still with a grip on his chin. Gradually, he animates at a few frames per second, “Except, I don’t know what liner you are! And I only know liner for EYES? AND my calculator is fucking broken?!” by the end he’s animated in 4K HD.</p><p> </p><p>“AAaAargH?!” Jungwon screams at the roof of the’Scalade, hands in his hair in frustration, “Give me three OTHER words!? Same vibe, different energy?” his inner child is weeping, “<em>LIKE</em>, <em>IU</em> is great?! Unscramble that? Say it back?” The poor boy squeaks as he pleads, “Please don’t make this sad, for me? PLEASE.”</p><p> </p><p>Silence falls between the two. Jay leans back in his seat, thinks about crossing his legs and crosses his arms instead, stoking an imaginary beard. He's buying time. He knows the answer but isn’t sure <em>why</em> those words are what he wants to hear.</p><p> </p><p>Then he remembers, Yang Jungwon’s a human teenager going through so many firsts just like he is. Some moments weigh heavier depending on assigned meaning and Wonie’s a uniquely weird boy, just like he is. Of fucking course, this only makes sense read back in JayWon.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no… I’m so sorry. I am an idiot,” Jay's shoulders droop. He’s fallen harder grasping the sincerity of this simple request. All this boy wants to hear are the words, “I like you," the corner of his lip goes up, a shy crooked smile. "Jungwonie, I really like you.”</p><p> </p><p>“THANK YOU.” He crumples relieved, his smile is bright and sweet, “Park Jay-ah, I like you too. I really wanted this memory.” That new sparkle in his eyes returns, they’re large and soft like when he says, “Oh, you pretty bird...” with an affectionate sigh, “say it again one more time?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay dissolves in that gaze and like the bird he is, he obeys. “Yang Jungwon, I like you.” The words come out in a low register, like a secret. Quiet with an implied intensity. The dissonance is electrifying.</p><p> </p><p>This smile on Jungwon couldn’t be shyer, the air around him seems different, like he moves in soft focus. To look at him in this moment evokes the same feeling as if watching a kitten yawn. He asks for what he needs again, “One more time, pretty bird?”</p><p> </p><p>“I like you, boy.” Jay acts with the same energy. “Wonie Bee, honeybee… Boss, I like you so much.”</p><p> </p><p>This is so Jay's speed, cute and fluffy just a few frames per second above pause mode. This softest of boys with his hard candy coating with every ability to move fast and powerful is really into the romantic equivalent of ASMR. Every action, every uttered word done with intention in luxuriant time. This is perfect for him. Meeting this bashful, blushing version of this boy is akin to unlocking a secret level in game after beating this Final Boss. This Yang Jungwon is a rare card. Congratulations to this lucky bird.What a lucky boy he is, this Expensive Everyday Park Jongseong.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon shudders in fluster and his hands up fly to cover his face. “Ugh! Damnit, bird!” but he peeks through his fingers, “That took points off your rock chic vibe… but no complaints.” He tries to compose himself by shagging his bangs, realizes he’s failing so he gives Jay a kiss on the cheek with a “Later,” and puffs out his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p><em>Too fucking cute. </em>Jay’s aura explodes into a thousand feathers.</p><p> </p><p>“AARGHH!!” The older boy swoops in with a wholesome hold, swaying side to side, “Wonie bee, I like you! So much. I like you so much! I like you the most!? As fuck, I like you! I fucking like you?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! Yay! You like me back. I like you too, you pretty bird! Fucking FINALLY! I can <em>actually</em> relax.” Everything about Jungwon unwinds, from his expression to his body language to his voice. “Aww, Jay-ah. I really, really, really, really, really, really like you.”</p><p> </p><p>Buzzing and sweet, he throws his arms around the older boy’s neck and falls into a comfortable embrace. Affection and satisfaction comes across this contact. He’s so at ease, he could drift into sleep, easy.</p><p> </p><p>Jay wraps him up in his arms like the softest kitten. He’s feels like he’s done good. He should, he has.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, Wonie bee. I’m glad.” He closes his eyes, resting his face on fluffy black hair, for the first time not minding at all the feint smell of Sunghoon’s shampoo. He’s just happy they got to this moment, “Call me a bird again?”</p><p> </p><p>Barely giving any effort to move, Jungwon rolls his head sideways to give a playful scowl.</p><p> </p><p>“Earn it,” lazy, he sticks his tongue out then he breathes out a cozy smile, “Just kidding, you pretty bird.” With a delicate touch to Jay’s chin he tilts up to meet his mouth, with a feather soft kiss... then he bites his lower lip and gives a warning. “That’s just for us. I will kill you if you tell anyone I call you that. I will find out. If anyone leaks that, it’ll be me. And I’m not doing it. Unless Niki-ah asks. Or Sunoo-ya. Or my dads? But I don’t think they’re gonna want to know. Unless it’s Visuals dad. He’ll have tips. You know what, I kinda owe Heeseungie Hyung a good laugh. He’ll find this funny. Maybe if Jake has an angle I may share? I feel like he knows things.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, you’re telling everyone?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think I just wanted a reason to bite? I mean, that shouldn’t come from you coz you’ll get made fun of. I don’t need you bullied… by anyone other than me. It upsets the balance of power. Maybe let’s talk about this later… just say I drop the hyung? Ugh. I’m still drunk.” With that rambling statement he melts back into that sleepy hug. “I take it back, I’m not telling anyone. Make them wonder. For a day? I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay will file those comments away in his mind, these are important opinions and possible courses of action of his boss. Like the diligent butler but for leadershit he is, he makes mental notes and takes them to heart.</p><p> </p><p>He does however think about biting back and earning that phrase. Already, his ideas take flight. Patiently he’ll stack his cards in his favor until he’s ready to call his bet. Later. He’ll earn it and it’ll be exactly how he knows this boy likes it.</p><p> </p><p>For now he’s content.</p><p> </p><p>He breathes a sigh of relief, “I guess I never said I like you? Was I that guarded?”</p><p> </p><p>“If you had, I’d be less unhinged but eh. We got some good data. No regrets that I pushed till you fell right. Worth it. Just saying.”</p><p> </p><p>“Glad I didn’t play my hand then. I was planning to confess with Borld’s West.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon jolts out of the hug, “What the ship?! Really? Cripes!” he bleats, “Jay-ah, stop bending spacetime! Didn’t I say we’ll talk about that later?! Stay in the present! I need this solid memory to draw from, you odd bird!”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait. What did you say? Don’t talk in test! No jokes in JayWon. Speak in plain Jay for once?”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop robbing us of our youth? Don’t rush to grow up faster than we have to, emotionally? That I want to sit in ‘I like you’ for a bit? Maybe hit baggage claim before springing those words?”</p><p> </p><p>“Noted. But after that?” That note sticks.</p><p> </p><p>“Be in the moment? Then a callback about you folding a paper earring for Jake's fake dog and doodling over my notebook as a metaphor for the memory of you saying you like me? Then I call you weird.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yang Jungwon, IN BETWEEN THOSE. What did you say?”</p><p> </p><p>“Borld’s West.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay swallows a lump slowly his mouth trembles in a smile. <em>My god, he KNOWS. HE KNOWS!?</em></p><p> </p><p>Jungwon tries to hold in a smile and fails. He leans into that failure with his tongue in his teeth, smiles real silly and covers an upper quadrant of his face diagonally with the back of his hand. Right now it’s the best he can do to try to wink.</p><p> </p><p>“Wh—?” Jay’s eyes go wide, wild in the best possible way, “Are you serious?”</p><p> </p><p>“I mean,” Jungwon leers with a sneer in a most positive way, “Are <em>we</em> serious?”</p><p> </p><p>“YES?!” He takes a moment to bite his knuckle, “Holy shit. Ah ship! SHIP! Holy ship!? I’m an idiot. BirdDAMN! Wow. Wow! BIRDDAMNIT?!” He’s being so ENGENE right now, “What th— HOW. I… my? My god, you’re brilliant? The fuck!? Get out. GET. Get out of my head?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes you are, yes I am,” he nods in continuous tiny, enabling this freak out, “and I can’t. I’m trapped?!” He shrugs  high and wide, “The door is SO heavy and I’m DRUNK.” He memes deep, “Help me out?!” He means deep, “Don’t let me die here?! Alone?” holding his palms up with a playful grimace.</p><p> </p><p>Jay sighs out, rapt in a swoon, gagged with a spoon. He animates in the hands, the face and voice while the rest of him barely moves. Already, he’s so moved.</p><p> </p><p>“STAY?! Pull up a chair!? Me! Wow. Whee!” He emotes with so much hand over face and mouth, “Wonie bee, WE have so much to talk about?!” He looks like he might <em>actually</em> cry.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”  Jungwon looks away, scratching the back of his own head. “Later, promise.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god. I’m …so happy?” he tears up, fanning his face with a hand, “Thanks? Boss!? Thank <em>YOU</em>! Me? Oh, you. ME. YOU! Ah, SHIP!!” Jay is ENGENE stanning JungONE, shipping JayWon.</p><p> </p><p>“JaySus! Don’t cry?!” JungOne screeches with large smiling eyes, “Quit simping?! We laugh now!” Shaking his head he pulls Jay’s hand away from going back to his eyes and mouth, “Also don’t do that. COVID?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Got it, boss!” The older boy nods back, tries to scowl, fails, blinks away, clears his throat, scrunch of his nose and with a lighter tone says, “Three thousand percent, I’d do this again! Next time let me in from the jump.”</p><p> </p><p>“You ingrate!” Jungwon chides. “You with the day off, me with the day out? Today was a gift. Take it! Guilt wrap and all,” he brightens in contrast, “Clean up the script and we can share this with the team. I mean, ship, the mall arc alone would leave Sunoo-ya breadless.”</p><p> </p><p>“Crimes!” Jaybird, now wound up reanimates, “We’ll need an industrial clean up crew for that task.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aaah, we can afford it. Take care of logistics,” Yang-deo scoffs now unable to tear his eyes away from Jay, “Off the record, this was better than Jeju... Jay-Ju,” he bends at the waist before ending his own pun. “… ngwon. —Pf<em>F</em>T?!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay almost gets hit in the teeth but stops him with an open palm. “Right, coz you definitely don’t have favorites... PfffFf Haha HAh!!”</p><p> </p><p>He breaks face and bursts into a beautiful laugh. As is his habit, he covers his eyes using the same hand that palmed Jungwon’s face. The young boy draws forward, halting literal hairs away from contact, beaming at the sound of that laugh.</p><p> </p><p>A sheepish smile, “There you are! Everyday Jay-ah!" he waves a quick greeting with a hand, "Welcome back. We missed you.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay waves a wholesome hello back, “Hey, I’m back again!”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh good, this looks better now.”</p><p> </p><p>They pause for a few, unsure why those lines exchanged felt like déjà vu. With the amount of hyperbolic bullshit between them, of course a few inside jokes fall by the wayside. That’s right, right? Right. Moving on.</p><p> </p><p>The vehicle slows to a stop. Finally, they’ve finally arrived. The time is 10:00 at night.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><span class="u">ALTERNATE SUBTITLES</span>:<br/>ᵈʳᵘⁿᵏjungwon / sober jay or<br/>[ Electric Sheep = Everyday Bird ]</p><p> ___________</p><p><b>Re: Chapter Math</b><br/>I don't know if this'll be 24. Always, numbers are arbitrary. The question mark bothered me and for some reason I'm attached to 2, 4, 7, 10, 17 and 3000. No real meaning, just deep memeing.</p><p>___________</p><p> </p><p><span class="u">AUTHOR TMI:</span> Oh hello. Been a while-ish? I had to take a breather. Congrats to our boys winning their 4th award. Aww, our super rookies. My heart. </p><p>February's gonna be FUN! We have EN-CONNECT, Jungwon's birthday, the ENHYPEN uniforms ship out. Meanwhile, here in the Pause Mode Universe, we have The HeeHoon Valentine's Day one shot, a few more left for 0204, plus extras. I cannot wait.</p><p>Again! Come hang in the comments section? You have my full attention. Tell me what works, what doesn't, how your day was... your opinion on Jay's pet name 😬 uhhh </p><p>Grab a croissant. I have a few. Come eat some bread on this bed with me. I don't care if it flakes, I've got a <em>Dyson V7</em> on standby. </p><p>🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐🥐 </p><p>See you very soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. 3000% still drunk.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>JayWon discuss two options.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>a.k.a from the'Scalade to the'Levator</p><p>sorry not sorry, I love cheese corn.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The scene outside the’Scalade: a dark above, a dull glow of street lights, a tiny moon with a half-open smile, the known geometry of this neighborhood by home. It looks just like when side-eye noona picked up Jungwon. The sky is in a similar state, but like the dark of dawn is to the dark of dusk, the colors come in a different shade.</p><p> </p><p>Masked, backpack strapped, in his padded coat with the fur hood up, life-sized dog under his arm, Jungwon scrolls through his phone on the sidewalk.At the sound of a trunk close looks up. Not wanting to be privy to how much his Expensive Hyung’s dropped this driver, he stands way out of earshot. Details like that gross him out.</p><p> </p><p>With too many shopping bags slung over his wings and on his claws, Jaybird struts with a grunge rock chic swagger. A biting gust blasts open his wool coat, unfurling his scarf and tussling blonde onto his eyes. His hair looks a mess of cornsilk over a black mask. Strangely it works. Noona nature pulls toJay’s fashion together but not without making him suffer the cold.</p><p> </p><p>In mid-walk he buckles with a violent full-body shiver, almost tripping, but saves himself thanks to superior leg strength. It’s all in the knees, baby.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon gets that entire moment on video. Jay pretends that none of that happened and he deflects, leaning a low left into something vaguely down under.</p><p> </p><p>“Ha! That’s funny,” Jay caws from six feet away, “The active disrespect, nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“Disrespect? The audacity.” Jungwon slips his phone back in his pocket. “This is an act of protection for this paper earring letter you so lovingly crafted for our Jake. I do this in service of my team, you ingrate.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve got that dog completely sideways,” he says, finally within casual talking distance, “Is its hind legs tucked behind you and your backpack?”</p><p> </p><p>“Half its body. Chill, it’s not alive.” He lets go of the dog and it stays suspended, securely attached although dangling limp. He reaches to fix Jay’s scarf in a loose knot and pulls his coat closed. “Its easier to carry like this, plus now I can help with gift baggage.”</p><p> </p><p>From a distance, the dog looks real. It hangs with a weight that resembles a lifeless dog. One that used to be alive. How it’s looks hanging by the hip of this angel-faced boy is surreal.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, that is so many shades of fucked up,” he laughs, passing a few handles over, “but I will take this kindness.” Now with a free hand he links an arm with the younger boy on the dogless side.</p><p> </p><p>Leisurely, they make their way toward the entrance of the building. Right before the sidewalk meets the property line, Jungwon hangs a sharp right, tugging Jay along with that linked arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh boy… you.” Jay laughs soft aloud.</p><p> </p><p>“What? This is business related. A quick conference with my trusted advisor.” If he didn’t have his arms full with shopping bags, half a dog and Jay (L-R) he’d have a timid hand comb through his hair, “Is a quick walk around the block this not fancy enough for Rich Hyung Jongseong?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, not at all! I have legs. I walk.” If he didn’t have his arms occupied with Jungwonie bee and shopping bags (L-R) he would’ve shyly reached for the back of his neck, “What can I do for you, boss?”</p><p> </p><p>“Indeed, you. Legs.” he nods with a cough. “Bird, I need your brain. Help me blue sky how we get into the dorm.”</p><p> </p><p>“What like, ring the doorbell or enter with keys?”</p><p> </p><p>“That plus the vibe we come in with.” Yang-deo sways right with an affirmative, “Did a quick damage control scan while you saddled up. The solution's not that straightforward.”</p><p> </p><p>“On your phone? Gotcha,” PR Director Park steps left because why not, “What’re we working with then?”</p><p> </p><p>“Here are the facts: The neighbors ARE pissed, but technically we haven’t broken any HOA guidelines. Peak mess was way before the noise ordinance could kick in. Emails petered out around bread-thirty and other than those two sus chore list adds, things have been quiet on the homefront.”</p><p> </p><p>They take a left down the sidewalk and another breath of frozen air blows.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s good.” Jay says, visibly feeling that winter chill throughout his chest, “At least we know we’re not going home to an eviction notice… tonight. The neighbors can stay mad if we get to keep EN— dorm, but that's my opinion. What do you gather from Hoon-ah and Ddeonu’s chores?”</p><p> </p><p>“Apparently, the dorm’s struck with two points with infection. The make-up room and bunk steps need dissing. Blind optimism has me hoping it’s some sort of small chemical fire incident, but disinfection implies something disgusting with organic matter like a foodsplosion or—”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>THINGS</em>. Talk about not straightforward.” Behind his mask, Jay’s grimaces a toothy ENHYPEN logo.</p><p> </p><p>“Yuh. In any event, we’re stocked with bleach.” Jungwon considers two main applications, cleaning and consumption.</p><p> </p><p>“That is disgusting, but then again, so is the kitchen floor and most of our living surfaces. We ARE human boys.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not wrong, that awareness of what may or may not have happened in the makeup room and the bunk steps WILL fade.”</p><p> </p><p>“Preach. As a team, we ate floor cake. ‘Nuff said. As fuck, we will not care, eventually.”</p><p> </p><p>“Give the team a day of work and none of us will remember. Unless the smell lingers.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay almost gags.</p><p> </p><p>Under his blue mask, Yang-deo grimaces with teeth, “That aside, here’s where we’re boned,” he gives toJay’s fashion a languid once-over, “Work is CC’ed in these. Work is not happy. No matter what, we’ve got to be proactive to even this out with the ‘hood ass.,” a.k.a. the neighborhood association, “and work wants to be in on the approval process of our private in-building apology tour.” He stops walking.</p><p> </p><p>“Cheeses. Yipes!” Bird stops as well, noting that he’s being watched, “That might be worse than getting kicked out? Wonie, that’s no fun.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, no ship.” Jungwon unhooks his arm from Jay’s, “Freaked me out in tiny that I got no pushback getting off tomorrow.” Very quickly these two exchange knowing looks with held laughter. No pun goes unappreciated with JayWon. “They pretty much ‘of fucking course’d the idea with that caveat.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, Leader-nim. I can’t imagine how stressed that makes you.” Jay is unsure if it’s his outfit giving direct access to cold onto his undershirt or if it’s the eyes on him that make him shiver. “You can count on me to help handle whatever.”</p><p> </p><p>Leader-nim hikes up bag handles to the crook of his elbow, “That’s why we took a quick detour. I need your input.” He steps up toJay’s fashion and starts fumbling with the broad scarf, “We can manage this easy, externally,” he undoes the knot and wraps it once around Jay’s neck, “Any other time I’d let this slide. No rules were broken but with work involved… ugh. Hassle.” He takes a length of knit and crosses it over Jay’s chest. “Not gonna lie, I am bothered but I’ve got to come home and deal.”</p><p> </p><p>“I feel that.” Grunge chic hyung says as a section of his scarf is laid over his cashmere undershirt, “You’re doing well I think. Managing your emotions.” He’s not quite sure what’s happening, other than this being standard JayWon behavior in public.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t even know,” he sighs, repeating the action with the other length of scarf but in the opposite direction, “I love everyone to death, but right now I’m feeling mostly the death part,” he smooths the tail ends of the scarf under Jay’s buttonless distressed silk shirt. From a distance it looks like a lingering embrace. “Gotta cool out a bit and really think,” The boy's arms wind around cashmere torso, “or else I roundhouse the first homie I see through the door. Hyung, I worry I'll pop off,” fingers smooth the length of scarf downward to the base of that spine, “because… I am <em>really</em> drunk right now,” he says, the heat of his breath radiating over his mask into Jay’s ear as he lifts up a section of untucked undershirt by the small of this bird’s back.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes go wide, “WOAH. BOLD? We’re in public?!” he whisper screams.</p><p> </p><p>“No shipped. We’re out for a walk.” Jungwon pulls back, nonplussed with a lead-laden look, “I’m drunk. What’s your excuse?” Then he tucks the left over knit ends under Jay’s <em>Balenciaga</em> belt.</p><p> </p><p>Bird hyung blue screens briefly. His heart might have stopped.</p><p> </p><p>Junior Fashionista Jungwon leans out to observe his work, “Looks awkward, but at least your chest is better protected. Let me button up your suit jacket and close your coat more,” he says, helpfully buttoning up Fancy Jay Hyung. “Oh! I can do that thing where I button it wrong, miss a loop intentionally? That’ll keep a bit of this vibe. Not rock chic, eh. You can undo this when we get to the elevator, in case you want to look fancy for the homeboys. For what, I can’t be asked to figure, but you do you.”</p><p> </p><p>“What…” Jay almost tears off his mask, “happened to me?” He might choke on his own carbon dioxide.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you feel a <em>bit</em> warmer now? We’ve got three more turns before we’re back at the front of the building. You are not getting sick for the sake of fashion. Not on my watch.” Health and Safety Enforcer Yang gives a thumbs up.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I guess?” Jay squeaks at a higher register, “I’m feeling kinda… toasty?” He is out of breath and might be running a low grade fever. “Thank you? For your care?”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy wrapped his chest with the broad knit of his scarf, a clumsy of a solution but ingenious nonetheless. It does look weird, but its functional much like his strategy for carrying around this life-sized plush dog.</p><p> </p><p>Extending his elbow out with a snap, shopping bag handles fall into Jungwon’s hand and he staggers back to link arms, “This okay?” he asks swaying right, “I kind of need your support. Physically, to walk a straight line.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” hyung responds with multifaceted warmth, “I keep forgetting you’re drunk.” He sways a left to counterbalance, “Bossy bee, you just speak so well, as always.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! Shut the fuck up, you corny bird!” buzzing, he boss rolls his eyes, “The what with the whenst was I saying?”</p><p> </p><p>The second corner comes up, they take that left and continue to serpentine down the sidewalk.</p><p> </p><p>Jay looks up, makes eye contact with the blurry moon and summates, “You worried about popping off and coming through the door with the right vibe?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, right. Getting through the door” Yang Leader sighs, “If we come in together, all this gift baggage will set too light of a vibe. This dog alone has so much wholesome and whose gonna pay attention to a scolding after visible plush dog?” He can already imagine the team dog people tilt their heads, “Wouldn’t that lessen the impact of the GUILT we’re trying to afflict?”</p><p> </p><p>“Possibly? Maybe.” Jay shrugs with the rustle of luxury paper, “Depends who answers the door.” He thinks of Sunoo’s awareness of Jungwon’s frightening intelligence and Sunghoon’s uncanny ability to pick up what rumbles beneath the surface.</p><p> </p><p>“If we enter separately, I could come in first, fangs out.” Yang-deo lays out scenario two with the same cadence as the first. “Hit them with guilt from the jump.”</p><p> </p><p>For no reason, Jay’s imagination takes flight.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>He visualizes a shimmery, soft focus Yang Jungwon in vampire stage finery with high-fashion streetwear accents, drawn in a hybrid cartoon-anime style kicking down the door with bloody <em>Balenciagas</em> (the ones that look like socks) hissing in a feline predator sneer, pointy fangs glimmering with shounen manga protagonist eyes.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>In a blink, Jay’s creativity goes into a state of superabundance, digitally ideating a composition in simulated <em>Copic Marker.</em> He may or may not have imagined a transformation sequence because soft focus cartoon vampire Yang Jungwon’s appearance evolves and all the blacks are deep purples. Chill yet dissonant lofi R&amp;B plays in the background as he pictures <em>Vampire Shounen Nyang Jungwon</em> in a varsity jacket slash formal tailcoat with both a fur-trimmed hood AND a standing collar, a dress shirt underneath with strategically distressed hems and maybe two or four superfluous ruffles. WE don’t have time to go into what he dreams for pants.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>He brandishes a weapon, one that captions in both Katakana and for some reason serifed German spelling out the name as an acronym—<em>G.U.I.L.T.</em> A matronly Japanese female voice over explains its significance at a speed beyond Jay’s understanding. The weapon is an intricate flanged mace in dalbergia wood with a carved sheep’s head at the bludgeoning tip and runes that glow when <em>Nyang Wonie</em> utters a secret incantation.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Through the destroyed entryway to their dorm he imagines <em>Vampire Shounen Nyang NyangWonie B </em>pounce and he’s got cat ears now. Also a tail.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>“We’d keep you waiting in the wings out in the hallway with the bags until I <em>casually</em> mention ‘<em>Jay hyung’,</em>” Jungwon acts out the tone like a melody with the energy of a <em>‘Later?’</em></p><p> </p><p>Visibly Jay gives a quick raise of an eyebrow in approval… but by god, does his brain go bird WILD.</p><p> </p><p></p><blockquote>
  <p>With no malice toward the team, he imagines them as stereotypical tournament arc anime bad guys purely for plot purposes. The animation sequence goes as follows:</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>Lee Heeseung bursts through a Hollywood action film explosion with an impossibly high flying jump and a smooth landing. He is in a chic, stylized, irrationally skin-tight red leather Team Flare uniform with mismatched ruby earrings, one dangly teardrop stone and one fire emoji. Smoke clears to show him surrounded by various fire-type Pokemon while he showcases personal powers having to do with powerful moves, long-distance destruction, hovering and fluid knees. For reasons he shoots the camera a wink and some tongue.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>An avalanche of snowfall swipes through the screen, revealing elven Ice Nobility Park Sunghoon—pretty much Frozen’s Elsa but with black hair, excessive lethality and also a boy. He sits on an ice throne with a bored stare, gets up and assaults with a luminescent upper body and walks away with a snap of a shimmery flowing mantle. Then he skates across the screen with a floating penguin familiar with character design by <em>Sanrio</em>.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>This icing blue penguin flits to cover the screen, zooming out to an ornate plate of pastel macarons by a feinting couch occupied by a Fancy Lad Kim Sunoo. The look he serves is cozy pirate opulence in the shade of Versailles with a dessert jelly palette. He has an eyepatch the shape of a rose with prismatic petals AND a monocle on that same covered eye. He wields a whip that is also a knife and of fucking course its bedazzled with a plush handle. Biting into a blue macaron, he chooses violence—literally and cracks his whip toward the camera, fracturing the screen.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>The view goes black and resets with a harsh digital glitch. We find ourselves with Hyper Teen Nishimura Riki with a bungeoppang in his mouth (head first) and a submachine gun. He wears a colorful stretch pleat piece by <em>Issey Miyake</em>, dark jeans by <em>Balmain</em>, with electric blue glitter <em>Doc Martens</em>. Jay’s mental image isn’t about what this fatal maknae wears but what he’s on. He sits atop a <em>Balenciaga</em> saddle, riding a moonwalking panther the size of a horse, inside a kevlar bouncy house, set in a futuristic geodesic dome on the literal moon... PSYCHE! The image is color shifted because this is MARS and by god, we are in SPACE.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>From a satellite, the camera zooms all the way out across the nebula until the view is just black and points of light. These are twinkling lights reflected in pillow-soft Aussie boy Shim Jake’s eyes. A sweet, sultry violin and a didgeridoo harmonize in perfect time, creating a unique velvet sound to introduce Jake, visualized as charming and cartoonishly innocent, surrounded by white and yellow week-old puppies—hundreds of them. Just Shim Jake being Jake, covered head-to-toe in puppies, wearing them like clothes, all alive and yapping, loving their sweet little puppy lives as clothes on a human boy named Jake. It is terrifying.</p>
  <p> </p>
  <p>This fictional rendition of ENHYPEN is detailed, but much because he’d go into if he had time and he only needs this piece of visualization to establish plot: A scenario wherein Park Jay (aka. <em>₩renfield</em>) in his flawless magnificence swoops in—wearing a crazy but normal for JayWon outfit (rock chic Tuxedo Kamen from High Garden in Westeros with bird feather accents and the top half of a plague doctor mask) with a blue rose between his teeth—to save <em>Vampire Shounen-nim Nyang-deo Nyang Jungwonie</em><em> Bb QT</em> <em>XR</em> as he casually mentions ‘Jay hyung’ in that tone of voice that registers as a melody.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>However time’s up because Jungwon says something that tears him straight into the present and grounds him in a same but different fantasy.</p><p> </p><p>“…then we’ll pretend to fight,” Yang-deo sways left to signal Jay to round the third corner of this block, “We’ll JayWon bicker but keep it between a four to seven,” he leans right and looks up at Jay, somewhat aware he’s been spacing, “No personal blows. Yet. Later.”</p><p> </p><p>“No promises,” that suggestion gets Jay centered back where he should be, leaning left to balance out Jungwon, “but what should we fight about? Do we give away that we’ve JayWon’ed the whole day out?”</p><p> </p><p>“Eh… I mean, if we’re pretending not to arrive together let’s take the meme all the way.” Drunkwon is junk and he’s having fun blue skying this idea, “Maybe come in oblivious with shopping bags then I start off strong with a ‘boy, where the fuck have you been all night? the kids are acting up again. I spend all day at work and what the mess do I come home to’— that kinda vibe?”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” Jay sputters a laugh, tilting his head at the implication “Aww?! What the fuck. I mean, I’m down? But damnit, okay? Why am I—”</p><p> </p><p>“Then you get on the defensive, say something like ‘but boys will be boys, boy! let them live?’ while you shuffle in all cheese and teeth,” Yangwon’s visualization skills take after his beautiful Visuals Dad, “which gives me an opening to introduce a few details we know that’ll freak them out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Chore app stuff? Ooof, mention bunk steps and the makeup room in random conversation. Evil!” Jay completely endorses this mindfuckery. “I can already see everyone shake. Like leaves. Like gold leaf. No. This is pure gold. Solid, IMO.” He ends by speaking in an all caps acronym with a moist yet crispy chef’s kiss. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon clears his throat, slightly resentful toward Mask Life, “Basically, we’ll go off for a few until they’re about 17% sure we’re fucking with them. Essentially, active gaslighting as a team building exercise to rip the knees off any kind of future rebellion.”</p><p> </p><p>PR Director Park stops in his tracks for emphasis, “Wonie, I like you three thousand but don’t you dare talk that way outside of JayWon. On a corporate level, you have a problematic way of speaking,” then he unlinks his arm, slinging it around his waist, “…although off the record, I’m into it.” He clears his throat, slips a hand into the left pocket of that padded coat and guides him gently to walk on.</p><p> </p><p>Boss Yang wraps his arm around his chief advisor’s shoulder, in so many ways he keeps him walking right down that long, drawn out line. “Noted and noted,” to himself he makes a third note to eventually speak to Jay about math.</p><p> </p><p>On both sides, there is a lot of implication to process.</p><p> </p><p>“So you were saying we go off on each other until they <em>know</em> we know <em>things?</em>” PR Dir. Park sets them back on topic, “How long do you want to go at it for? Pfft!”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft?! Like four to seven minutes? I’d be at it solo before you join, would be nice to round out to a smooth ten. Just enough to bother.” No subtext, just arbitrary numbers. “Then I end with something like ‘no sons of mine, grrr,’ throw my coat across the room, you talk me down, get down about your parenting, then say something like ‘no! spare our boys, boy! I bought GIFTS?!’”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft!” Jay bends at the waist, not even fighting the implication. “Whose legal name do they carry? Are we ENHYPENating or—?”</p><p> </p><p>Yang Leader glosses over this domestic reaction, “Look, the objective is to establish dominance and foreshadow the rise of this leader-ship,” because he’s spinning a career-focused sort of flirtatious bullshit. “Option two starts us off with a fun lie and it gives us the best chances of guilt gifting success. Option one is completely honest, but…”</p><p> </p><p>“…You’re afraid won’t be taken seriously because you’ll come off too soft?” For Jay this issue hits home so hard it demolishes his entire estate.</p><p> </p><p>They round the fourth corner and they end up back at the building’s entryway. Silence falls between as they take their arms back walking through the automatic doors, lost in thought.</p><p> </p><p>At the foot of the elevator, Yang-deo resumes to speak. “Jay-ah, this is your struggle,” he pushes the button to go up, “You get this life, multifaceted. What do you think? Death by kindness was your idea, after all.”</p><p> </p><p>The elevator doors slide open with a <em>DING</em> and Leader-mode shuts off. JayWon step in.</p><p> </p><p>At once he becomes just Jungwon again, a young boy asking someone he looks up to and relies on for guidance. “Jay hyung, help me. Make this call.” The blue mask comes off. It’s important that he shares his this full expression on his face. No games, no sarcasm, no subtext. Literally, a just a plea from dongsaeng to hyung.</p><p> </p><p>Jay hyung, sets down gift baggage and removes his black mask. As well, he feels the need to show that he speaks in sincerity. “Do you trust me, Jungwonie?” He asks with a firm left hand the boy’s right shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Without hesitation he replies, “Explicitly,” eyebrows knotted, eye contact in full with a small, determined nod.</p><p> </p><p>A smile forms, recognizing a promotion. “Pass this on to me completely and follow my lead when we get home,” with his right hand he combs through black hair, reassuring. “Let what goes left fall right. This burden’s mine.” he nods, resolute. “We’ll JayWon this just like your petty crimes.”</p><p> </p><p>Alone in the elevator, JayWon hug. A sense of relief falls on Jungwon, he literally and figuratively leans on his hyung. He feels good to have someone he can count on. Maybe a few tears squeeze out, he’s not sure. He sounds pretty lucid when he’s not losing his shit but the boy is 3000% still drunk.</p><p> </p><p>“Not cool, hyung.” He sniffles out, still holding on to Jay’s shoulders hooked under his arm. “My crimes aren’t petty,” he throws the weakest punch on his chest. “There is nothing petty about my crimes,” he can’t even look at him yet, so he unbuttons that overcoat and that suit jacket. “I might be, but not my crimes!” Once again, he’s back messing with the scarf, emoting a little more, now smiling, “Don’t insult my crimes. They have meaning!”</p><p> </p><p>By the end he’s undone his custom scarf solution from the walk and toJay’s fashion is back to grunge rock chic. Jungwon reaches up to shag Jay’s hair down over his eyes, the way noona Nature set it earlier because in his personal opinion, he just looks better this way.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right,” Jay’s hand is on his own neck, “I know you love them like sons. Apologies to your crimes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Accepted,” Jungwon runs a hand through his own hair, “Now they’re your crimes too. Accept that.”</p><p> </p><p>“I do! I celebrate our crimes,” He reaches up to adjust his…</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ah sheep. My glasses.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jay realizes he threw his glasses to the floorboard of the’Scalade and never bothered to pick them up.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Son of a hyung. Did I really do that?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He starts to tamp down his coat, effectively frisking himself, unsure. So much happened in that ride, so many braincells died thanks to a combination of Ten Minutes, residual Sunghoon’s Shampoo, Jungwon’s sweater weep and—</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! I almost forgot!” Jay finds something completely different in his wool overcoat pocket, “I got you a present, boss.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon gasps out of his sweater paws, “Whaaaat?” He was drying his tears. Aww.</p><p> </p><p>“To celebrate clearing Task Life, I wanted to uh…” fancy cheesing, Jay looks up to the left corner of the lift with a hand on his neck and a hand in the inner breast pocket of his coat, “I wanted to <em>corrupt</em> you a little?” His shoulders shrug upwards, as does his tone.</p><p> </p><p>DrunkWonie bee gasps larger, “Get out. How?” sweater paws still suspended by his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Crimes.” Major Accessory Park Jay thumbs his chin expensively, “That’s right, boss. I took the initiative to gift you crimes,” he beams with a self-satisfied smile.</p><p> </p><p>DrunkWon is <em>Edvard Munch’s Scream</em>. “Get out!” This boy is over the tiny moon, smiling in extra large. His hands end up flat on the top of his scalp, “Oh my BIRD?! What <em>IS</em> this gift!?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay smiles loudly with teeth and an audible, “Yee<em>ee</em>!” This foreign bird is buzzing like a bee, he is excited to spring this surprise.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh boy,” previously flat fingers curl in on scalp with a slight nervousness, but he chuckles silly, “Jay-ah! What is this gonna bee?”</p><p> </p><p>Blonde bird tucks in his lip to maintain a feather’s worth of composure. Smug, his chin tilts up, zipping forward at the shortest distance to take literally four large steps forward. The lack of clear logic and random change of pace causes Jungwon to stumble rearward, narrowly tripping over bags. With a metallic bang of his elbows slamming onto the lift panels, he is backed into a corner. Very much impaired, his reaction times and reflexes suffer the most in this state of semi-fresh drunk. Disoriented, he jumps out of his skin when Jay comes at him like a robot bird leaning with mechanical speed at a stiff angle, forearm making contact with the panel by his head with a tinny bang of his fist. He does this for no reason other than to fuck with him because he can.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” Jaybird is all teeth talking in a stage whisper in this boy’s breathing space. “Close your eyes. Give me your hand.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon hears his own heart beating—in his ears—he does not understand.</p><p> </p><p>Jay inches closer, again, with no intention other than to cheese, with teeth. Park Jay's teeth hang out to say ‘hey’ like family at an outdoor picnic. He’s smiling, moving in at a sluggish yet disturbingly steady rate. This is not romantic, it is creepy and its <em>supposed</em> to be. Jay’s open palm is up, waiting for the younger boy to remit his. The hand is also moving at 1 km/h, climbing in elevation, fingers wiggling silly like lateral jazz hands until they’re about shoulder height.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s hands are flush on the wall panels, physically drunk yet mentally alert, disoriented with no idea if this is supposed to be seductive or just confusing for shits and giggles. He guesses this is 3000% the latter. His face distorts into a smirking grimace, slowly turning into a full-on grin. He starts a dry cough that blooms into a cackling laugh. “BirdDAMNit! I AM EXCITED?!” Head angled up, he whisper screeches into crook of his elbow of his padded coat sleeve, still cackling.</p><p> </p><p>Finally he calms down and smacks his hand palm up on Jay’s “Okay. Make it count, bird.” He says with a big smile, closing his eyes tight.</p><p> </p><p>For a second Jay thinks of what he could do with this advantage, but thinks better of it. This is not the time or the place for the kind of set up he’s got planned. LATER.</p><p> </p><p>Casually, Jay straightens up to stand like a normal human being and dig through his coat pocket. He takes a small package and sets it delicately in Jungwon’s hand. “Careful, don’t close your hand too tight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god. Jay-ah?” Jungwon gasps, “Oh my. gOD. You can’t be <em>serious</em>?” Curiously he recognizes a feint waft of this smell. “Where?! The WhAT. HoW are you? WhY do you—? My god, HoW?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Shh.” Jay shushes this shifty caps mini freak out with a quick, barely physically there but audible peck on the lips. To add an extra layer of agitation to this frustration parfait he spontaneously sings the order, “Open your eyes 이제는 Open your eyes”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s eyes shut so tight that this nanosecond brush of a kiss left him maddeningly gaslit. The drive-by fatality of Jay’s line from 7th Sense at this ridiculous proximity almost pushes him over the edge, then he remembers he holds in his hand something he could easily crush with 2% of his drunk grip strength.</p><p> </p><p>He breathes deep and prays to <em>Serenity</em>, and tightly wind his aggression into a ball to release in closed quarters Later. Still with his eyes shut he says with a deadness. “Jongseong. Don’t make me weak. Again. Yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, for sure,” with a frustratingly wholesome energy he steps back to about where a mentally sound human being would say is an appropriate distance for close <em>friends</em>, “Later.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bet.” He rolls his eyes open and resets, present and excited to visually confirm this surprise present. “HOLY SHIP?!?! HYUNG?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Boss, my present to you. This gift,” Jay says with an expensive yet devious pride, “<em>our</em> crime— underaged consumption of tobacco products.” Nodding and proud with a heartfelt hand on his chest he says dramatically, “Wonie bee, I bought you a cigar.”</p><p> </p><p>“YOOOO!!!” Yang Jokewon freaks out, holding the cigar with both hands a flat surface. He is screaming at this single Cuban cigar, “GET OUT. GET OUT of the’Levator??! Jay-ah! Oh my BIRD!? I am the happiest child.” Both eyes and mouth are wide open, he is astounded by the strength of their connection, “How do you keep doing this?!? This is exactly what I wanted! For the MEMES.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I wanted to support you like that. I’m glad you like my crime.”</p><p> </p><p>“You have no idea. Let’s fire this up at home. Tonight!”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, at the dorm?! There is no scenario where anyone can ignore the smell of a burning cigar in that space. We’re gonna get outed as four around all those functioning noses.”</p><p> </p><p>At that, Jungwon’s mouth flies open in a mischievous smile. “Sssh, pretty bird…” using the cigar like a finger to his lips, he shushes Jay. “Later.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes his head, quietly takes the cigar back and tosses it into a shopping bag he hadn’t noticed until now. How he missed it the first time only makes sense in JayWon, but it makes no sense on Earth because HE was carrying it this entire time. It’s bright orange and on the side it says <em>Louis Vuitton</em>.</p><p> </p><p><span class="Apple-converted-space">This makes him feels like an idiot but</span> he needs to be kinder to himself. He’s just endured a protracted event that would wipe most American teenager’s abilities to do calculator math. After all, he just spent time in the’Scalade as a chair person. Literally. From the moment that he finished sweater weeps, his drunk young leader mind decided he needed lapslocked cuddles. So he literally asks the older boy if he’d be cool being his chair. Of fucking course was the answer. Just like everyday at the dorm. No big. They’re mutual now. ‘I like you’s have been exchanged, pet names have been established, and they made out so many times mostly in public—not at all in that order, but what is time other than a flat circle?</p><p> </p><p>So, Jay says yes and accepts a role in Boss Yang’s employ as Chairperson / Chairman / First Chair / human chair like the plot of an <em>Edogawa Rampo</em> short but 3000% less creepy, with painfully attractive boys, a soft focus filter and a ‘Fluff and Crack’ tag. Nothing out of JayWon norm. They do this all the time. All. The. Time. Why would he say no? Yang Wonie just cried so hard about his feels for him... Even without that, in no universe does he say no. As fuck, that was precious and sad, but he can’t lie, that suffering was adorable. 17 out of 10 he’d do it again just to see this boy break into leftover soju drunk. If it gets him to hear the words ‘pretty bird’ in that tone, with those eyes he’d play excruciatingly dumb all over again. Yeah. Park Jongseong is an equally fucked up human boy. He can take it, he has, will and wants to. He’ll have this ridiculous angel-faced baby bee on his lap again as everyday but in a public vehicle. What could go wrong? If all else fails, the ghost of Sunghoon’s fucking Shampoo unfortunately still lingers and oh boy, the strength of that sensory memory. Works like a charm until it’s a curse.</p><p> </p><p>Well. Yang Jungwon decides to get on this consenting luxury seating like a cool kid on a folding chair minus the cap—backwards—then he decides to power down and go into sleep mode. Until the ride ends, the boy stays a cool kid, holding his seat, as is his right. As cool kid and Chairperson they go into so much drama in various angles from begging each other to lean emotionally, to ‘I love you’s left on read, to mutual ‘I like you’s, to the’Scalade finally stopping and drunk young Yang realizing ‘Oh sheep, my legs are asleep but I don't want to wake up my knees, they look so peaceful.’</p><p> </p><p>Park Jay has been through an awful lot. The shampoo faded a significantly after this boy ran from one end of the mall to another and its just not hitting Jay as hard, the shampoo. That's why ten instead of zero. This boy deserves a medal, this blonde one, the American who always gets compared to birds. He deserves a Medal of Honor. Everyone pour one out for this Bastian of self-control. Everyone, slow clap for Park Jongseong.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly the lights in the elevator flicker and an awareness dawns upon these two. All day it’s been like this, and it’s not a problem until it ABSOLUTELY IS. It is shockingly easy for Jay and Jungwon to get lost in conversation. It is entirely why they get along too well. No matter what their present circumstances are, be it a private setting in close quarters or shamelessly out in public, once they’re in each other’s sights time and space become words on a page. They are present to a fault, hanging onto every nanosecond of concentric connection. </p><p> </p><p>This is how they’ve just lost ten minutes hanging out in a completely static elevator. This may as well have been the or the sidewalk, or the’Scalade, or the jewelry shop, or the stairwell, or by the closet in the hotel, or the private balcony, or the couch at the dorm, or in front of a camera on a live broadcast. JayWon exists entirely on its own physics engine.</p><p> </p><p>Panic slowly injects itself into the young boy’s veins, “Uh… Jay hyung?” audibly he gulps, now feeling an incredible amount of physical thirst, “Are we trapped in the elevator? We’re not moving… Oh no.” His fingers seize into claws. “Oh no no no my god,” his nails dig into Jay’s arms, and thank god he’s got several layers of fabric between that and his skin.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon remembers this morning, how he had to race down so many flights of stairs just to meet his ride in time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Temporary Maintenance.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>His eyes grow wide. He’s about to freak out so hard in all caps with all of his throat and lungs. Yang Jungwon is about to lose his mind in 4… 3… 2…</p><p> </p><p>“Oh shit.” Jay interrupts with a calm. “Oh my god! We’re fucking idiots!” He bends at the waist and begins a breathless, full-bodied laugh, “Wonie! we never pressed a button for our floor!” Still laughing, he staggers to the panel, selects a button that lights up and lifts them home. “Oh… HA haha! Oh my GOD! Ugh! What the fuck is wrong with us?”</p><p> </p><p>As the lift rises up, Jay falls into Jungwon to throw his arms around him for physical and moral support, weakened and in tears by the draining energy his own laughter.</p><p> </p><p>Panic recedes within Jungwon, like the tides recede when the moon smiles in tiny. He smiles in tiny and soon he’s infected yet again by that contagious laugh.</p><p> </p><p>When the elevator doors slide open with a DING, both of them are weak with mirth, bent at the waist, holding each other and their bags and this life-sized dog still magically hanging on to Jungwon’s side by the backpack, trembling to get out of the lift, buckling at the knees with every step. They look like they might cry and they do, in laughter they do.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Son of a hyung, I AM DRUNK.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey, you. sweet thing you. it’s been twenty chapters and here you are. still reading this weird flirtatious bullshit. how ‘bout tell me a bit about you? tell me why this works for you? coz i’m hella wordy and idk why but i’m grounded fluffy, cracked and spicy for what. all these memes... yeah, they themes. every single thing has meaning and everything means absolutely nothing. </p><p>ugh lol no! this isn’t me??<br/>i mean it is but I AINT?! i have WORK. but idk talk to me? i can’t stop writing for some reason, not until i hit 3:00 am on this day (literally the pause mode “day”) and somehow everything obsessively has to make sense. </p><p>tell me a bit about you? seriously, tell me why this weird universe works for you? whether it’s just jaywon or the random ratio i put in of crack to angst or the callbacks to little things every engene knows or my strange graphic design humor? </p><p> i do meme a lot but honestly a little bit of writing style critique could do me some good. also here’s an emoji croissant for good will, this is our thing now. 🥐🥺</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Season’s Greetings,</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>JayWon infiltrate home base. Successfully.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome to Spa Day Out.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
Although still the man in charge, Yang Jungwon takes a secondary role in this arc. His main accessory becomes THE lead accessory. Park Jay gets a promotion from Softy Officer to Master Tactician.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
This tactician’s rate is expensive, only afforded by the best. A good boss knows his own team’s strength. A great boss accepts their limits in depth. What makes Boss the BEST is to be both good and great, plus insight to view a talent pool as wealth. Yang Deo is in an elite class of bests, an exclusive club—Borld’s West.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Boss Yang’s wheelhouse deals with the liberal use of amicable aggression to gain adoration. Guilting with gifts and grace is beyond his expertise. He knows the odds are against him to stick this landing. This wisdom guides his delegation of home base reentry to his second in command, a specialist in material resource management. This move is a high stakes gamble.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
Jay, like Niki and Jake, is a wild card. While explicitly reliable, to trace his specific logic is a terrifying, albeit fun ride. Sure, he’ll fly to point B but in his own way in his own time. This card is an exotic bird with wild feathers and a curious call. His field of vision is limited and specific, but he views from a higher elevation reaching great distances in a blink. While wild and flighty, he is often grounded and is calm until he caws.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
Boss Yang knows that gambling with this hand with this bird of a card will pay off, handsome. He just has to do his part, lean back and keep count of the other cards.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
On Jay’s advice, they stop by their floor’s disposal chute to offload all but one paper bag. Save for the plush dog, everyone’s souvenirs fit into Jungwon’s backpack, easy. 
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
The visible load is divided according to surface vibe, Expensive Jay with <em>Louis Vuitton</em> and Jungwonie with dog plus a paper earring. For now, the plan is to enter as subunit with key, casual as possible. Details fall into place on the fly.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
They’re standing in the hallway. Armed with plush dog, dongsaeng follows hyung’s lead. He looks out for hall traffic, ready to turn on the as-needed charm using this irresistible softy in his arms. Jay hyung, hand on the doorknob, ear flush to the door waits for a cue to strike.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
“…the fuck?” Jay wears complex math face, “Is Ddeonu performing a dramatic read of a monologue? I can’t hear anyone else,” he curls up a double barreled finger gun, inviting a close second opinion.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Jungwon leans in. “Damn, Ddeonu!” he is in awe, “He is riled up something <em>fancy</em>. I dont hear what he’s saying but I dig that oration.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Told you bee, that kid’s your people. Hang out over bread sometime, talk him some Niki.”
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
“Better yet,” Yang-deo waggles eyebrows, “I smell great potential.”
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
Jay’s eyes go small at this superficial threat to his job security. He starts planning to work overtime, but benches that thought finding a cue. He sends a signal and acts bird fast.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">With a silent snap of fingers he says rushed hushed, “Yeah baby, let’s go!” He turns the knob and steps in swift, knowing he’s planted a sour face on the younger boy.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Realizing he was pissed off on purpose for the entrance’s full effect, the boss fights a smile and keeps that look of disapproval to respect tactical effort. He walks in with yuja face, hugging a plush dog. Intentional dissonance.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay chose a quiet window to slam the door at a volume their whole floor could hear, summoning everyone into the entrance hopefully freaked out. Before they make it through, silence breaks with Sunoo’s bombastic delivery.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“…AIRSHIPS MOTHERFUCKERS!"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The two freeze, exchanging wide-eyed looks that grow larger with bewilderment at the sound of Jake’s long, modulated scream.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Change of plans. Jay turns to Jungwon with a hurried shushing gesture. Since this subunit takes four lefts to turn right, a one person gesture splits into two roles. Hyung’s index finger on not his own lips. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This cat named Sheep nearly succeeds at biting. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Bird snatches his talon away but with a clear sound of teeth that bite. In muted panic, he covers that mouth.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sheep’s eyes communicate a clear ‘what the fuck’ at censorship by human hand. Like the shit-stirrer he is, he drops sanitation rules and sticks his tongue out. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Aghast, bird gasps but commits to silence. He answers with a violent shake of blonde. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Hand on door and a mouth, his face does the most, paired with a series of rapid head tilts. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still with the door open, they remain still, ears sharp while the impassioned sounds of sci-fi analogies cut through clear like sharpened steel.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“…Jake! You are the monolith that changes the game from that <em>Kubrick</em> movie about the year Heeseung hyung was born…”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Eyebrows furrow, then one raises and eyes go wide with a twinkle. Black hair fluffs in a nod. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The pair smile wide with teeth. Wordless, an agreement is made. JayWon is sneaking in. As fuck, they intend to eavesdrop. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Setting down the dog and <em>Louis Vuitton</em> they go about the task of closing this door with a zero decibel output. Why this requires two people only makes sense to a half-drunk, gossip hungry JayWon. The hinges squeak, causing them to stop. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then they hear, “…love it! And JayWon,” followed by a long pause.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
Mouths fly open in a voiceless duet with a ‘WHAT.’ The thought of leaving the door ajar to get within hearing distance crosses their mind. Then they remember who they ALL are. A hot herd of feral cats. Urgency kicks in. This door must close because god knows what might be said about the good ship JayWon. Both let go of the door to regroup, each searching for something specific in their pockets.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This is when the hive mind dissolves. Jungwon reaches into his pocket for his phone to say through his Note app that to overcome squeak they have to shut the door quick. Why he doesn’t just do that is because this smart boy is still drunk. He gets home screen and blue screens at a sight so randomly jarring, almost dropping his device.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
 Out of an inner pocket of his coat Jay retrieves a tube of <em><a href="https://tonymoly.us/products/berry-banana-hand-milk?_pos=24&amp;_sid=5a65e2abf&amp;_ss=r">Tony Moly Minions Berry Banana Hand Milk</a></em>. Oblivious to the horror on the younger boy’s face, he turns his head distracted by a timeless anime reference, <em>Laputa</em>. Making a mental note to ask Sunoo later, he turns back to their task. What he sees confuses then immediately amuses.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Jungwon’s covered his eyes with one hand, COVID be damned, phone laying flat on his chest, screen side down. He doesn’t know what is going on in Jay’s head. What is that? More importantly, WHY. Why this now? Is he being fucked with? It’s working, whatever that is <em>frit</em> his brain <em>indélébile</em>.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
Shaking but brave he dares to look and finds Jay dabbing lotion on the hinges of the door. He acts this like this is something normal people do.
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwants to scream.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Inside Sunoo gets a little more animated, voice growing louder and clearer. He says more but what? Something more about a ships? Now he’s yelling and Heeseung says something indiscernible, his distinct but ambient tone a murmur from a length away.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Yang SmartPhone goes back in puffy pocket. He clutches wool shoulders, tearing blonde hyung away from his suspect care of door hinges, spins him around, grabs his guns and rattles this bones with the syllabic frequency of a full-out freak out. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em> <span class="s2">WHAT THE FUCK, JAY-AH?! WHY IS THAT.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay blinks, expertly feigning ignorance. He knows, but this IS good lotion and his logic is sound. Squeaky hinges, ‘nuff said. However, his pokerface loses hold the more he’s shook. This silent freak out is hilarious to him. Finally he cracks a smile.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon almost cracks, mentally. Nostrils flare and he bites his lip, not in a ‘Later’ but in anger. Anger like a ‘bro, I will punch you in the mouth so hard. with my mouth, then softly because I like you, birddamnit.’ Eventually it devolves into a ‘Later’ face but that was not the starting energy. Puffing his cheeks, he restricts breath to regain composure. He is still drunk.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">To stack on this giant improvised <em>Jenga</em> tower of frustration, Jay in arm grab caps the <em>Berry</em> <em>Banana</em> and pokes a puffy cheek with the bottom of the tube.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Screaming internally, this kid’s grip seizes. Jay might be actively bruising, but that’s cool. It </span> <span class="s2">is</span> <span class="s1"> Korean winter. This boy is about to be a blur.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We will craft a plan to save them from themselves!” Sunoo declares with excessive volume, inadvertently saving Jay. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This call out by his fellow Dongsaeng Liner causes Sheep to catch his aggression and take a sharp U-turn into compassion. Cat-like reflexes act in defense against his own id’s offense. He just pushed hard, but before hitting the door he wraps Jay’s body in his arms and pulls him to himself. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The whiplash is violent, causing Jay to angle forward. Startled, he grabs his waist to steady but already it’s too late. Jungwon almost knocks his head hard onto the corner of the doorframe.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay’s quick improvisational instincts kick in. He tears out of that hold and with his forearm between boy and backpack, he extends his arm out to counter the impact, absorbing the force with bones of his hand. It hurts, but he doesn’t say so.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">No sounds are made, but individually they hear the deafening pound of their heartbeat in their ear.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Inside they hear a haunting nonsense phrase, “Borld’s West,” spoken with a weighted deadness by Sunghoon, a voice that usually is soft.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Having saved each other from each other, they say nothing, breathing heavy at an intimate proximity. They hold each other tight in a way that feels both protective and possessive. The mood in this nanosecond is irrationally electric.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwon is reminded of a move workshopped with Niki. This is not how that felt during home practice. He feels bad for laughing when his dongsaeng showed him this move to try. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay is reminded of an ancient movie he walked in on Jake cry watching. Now he gets why he was overcome by that scene and he feels bad for teasing him into visible shame. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Both of them hear 2.04 seconds of <em>Starlight is Falling</em>. From a distance this looks like some sort of flirtation. It is the wrongest rightest time to lean into a kiss, making it JayWon perfect. At the entrance of the dorm with the door wide open, to the sound of the rest of the group’s shenanigans it almost happens.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">That’s when an elderly woman appears, a neighbor in a COVID mask. Halemeoni’s not sure what she just saw, it happened so quickly. She lives on this floor. Finally sick of those rowdy boy’s bullshit, she stormed out of her flat to chew them out. Before she could yell out a ‘YA!’ she falls witness to this and spiritually implodes. She hears <em>Starlight is Falling</em> and her brain added in an overlay sponsorship by <em>Subway</em>. She’s about to run back home to scream into a pillow in privacy when she’s noticed.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jungwants to scream but Jungwon’t… or can’t. Color has left his face and his soul might’ve followed, abandoning his body. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Seeing that change, Jay turns around to see this halmeoni. He recognizes a look and beams. Taking a page out of the boss’s book, he conducts a small scale experiment. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">The older boy nods a greeting, steps back to make sure she has both of them in view. Placing an arm his dongsaeng’s shoulder, he looks right at halmeoni and makes a face he’s practiced with specific lyrics, ‘</span><span class="s3">날</span> <span class="s3">그곳에</span> <span class="s3">허락해줘</span><span class="s1">’. ( </span><em><span class="s2">nal geugose heorakhaejweo</span></em><span class="s1"> )</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">If halmeoni had eyebrows they’d be at her hairline, but she draws hers in. For half a week she goes without, unable to hold a brow pencil without shaking in recollection. She nods back, cordial in slow motion with a curious glint in her eye.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s2"><em>Gotcha bitch!</em> </span><span class="s1">Now</span> <span class="s1">Jay knows things.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He walks toward her, but not without visibly sliding his hand down Jungwon’s arm, making an implication. Within short distance he digs through an inner pocket of his coat. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Halmeoni’s head tilts, confused. Behind her mask, she gasps when without explanation she is handed SEVERAL stacks of KR₩ by this blonde with a deep bow. She gulps, with both hands accepting this random gift that in her perception feels like paperback editions of <em>Harry Potter</em> 4 to 7.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Gift given, taken Jay bows again, smiles like the sun. Goofy he says, “Season’s Greetings,” with a wink and two finger hearts, turning to walk back to a slack-jawed Jungwon. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A sudden burst of commotion inside the house. Sunoo is screaming at a hyung. With that filter of sound they bolt into the dorm, closing the door like they normally would.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Halmeoni stands in the hallway stunned with a grotesque amount of Christmas money in hand and a song she hasn’t heard yet in her heart. She doesn’t move for a few minutes, worried that she smells toast—then remembers she’s literally baking bread. Dough from scratch baking in the oven, </span> <em><span class="s2">actual</span></em> <span class="s1"> bread. She hugs the money like sons and swoons, skipping back to her flat, hiking up pajama bottoms. They’re black with a wide navy blue panel at the bottom.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Inside the dorm the Spa Day BrainTrust gather around the dining room table. They share to a hearty meal family style, an improvised yet expensive and curiously aromatic risotto with a delicate milk tea. Minutes before this domestic slice of peace, the dorm vibrated with lively, anguished berating. A fox went feral on his deer hyung. Conversation died down, but they’re still teen loud, air dense with flavor, tasty idle chatter, and a few sprinkles of laughter. Compliments to the chefs with every onomatopoeia made with delicious delight. Sunghoon gets praised on his own a few times.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In the bedroom is a seething Jay and a nerve-wracked Jungwon. Light’s shut and the door to the hall’s open. Sitting in the younger boy’s bunk, JayWon stew, lost in separate hemispheres of thought. Blonde hyung’s eyes twitch, trying to contain a typhoon of anger. Black haired dongsaeng buzzes with decentralized animosity, holding an empty mug with a sticky note that says ‘coffee for Jakey’ affectionately drawn with a dog. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">JayWon need a moment to gather, or else the first homie they see is getting roundhoused and/or shook syllabically.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They got in unnoticed to subunit screams. Gossip ended, missed most of what was said. Whatever was picked up made little sense, being on the outs of the most inside jokes. That lack of understanding stung. Sneaking no longer was part of the plan but when they got further down the hallway this appetizing aroma grew that reversed.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay was agitated, his head swiveled around slow like an angry owl. Leader-nim saw the energy of a ‘YA!’ about to pop so he tugged him by the sleeve into the nearest room. The gamble was falling through, so they fold this round. Rare card and Bee go to the bedroom and reshuffle.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He had a few things of his own to sort before dealing with everyone else. Halmeoni in the hallway, a general what <em>IS</em> happening and a what the fuck about lotion.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Above, the dog is tucked under the covers on Jake’s bunk. Yang Backpack is floorside, chilling with new homie</span> <em><span class="s2">Louis Vuitton</span></em><span class="s1">. A mug is set beside to keep them company. They are seated bedward.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Hyung, what the fuck?” Jungwon leans back to the wall after setting down the cup, “I have questions. Starting with the least important, which of these two sets of bunk steps need disinfecting and does it have anything to do with Jake’s mug?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Low energy, Jay makes a gagging sound. “We’re not sleeping here tonight. I might kill someone if we do.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s my line,” he says, turning on the flashlight on his phone, scanning the comforter, “A hyung bitch might’ve spilled coffee on my bed... feels dry though?” his hands feel around the plush surfaces, lifting the covers to be thorough.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Wonie, I feel disrespected.” Hyung seated on the edge of the bed says into his hands. “I smell cooked<em> White Stilton Gold</em>. Those savages! I haven’t had that in years and I wanted that for us,” he whisper screams, flopping sideways in defeat.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He doesn’t hit the mattress instead he’s wrapped in a comforter with a human cape hug. The flashlight flickers off.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Jay-ah,” says a deadened voice behind plush fabric, “did you know <em>who</em> that was?” words land heavy in Jay’s ear, “Do you have any idea what you did out there??” Pressure around duvet tightens with a shake. The whisper is a canned scream, “HYUNG. WHAT DID YOU DO.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">In darkness an audible gulp “A neighbor?” then a confident answer. “Relax, I bribed her with all the remaining cash I had on me. It was silly and kinda gross but no big.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The Jay blanket burrito shakes and the feint sound of a dying animal reverberates on part of the comforter, by his shoulder where an entire human mouth muffles a poorly held scream. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Burrito hyung breaks out of his tortilla, “Wonie, it’s not a big deal!” he says with the spirit of a boy grieving his best cheese, making a tight gimbap with duvet and dongsaeng. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“That… that woman is the building super’s wife,” he groans in duvet, “She’s the head of the Home Owners Association and she knows we’re </span> <span class="s2"><em>four</em>?!</span> <span class="s1">”</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Big fucking deal.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“WH—” he’s interrupted by with another shushing gesture. Upset, he bites. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Unbothered hyung acts like he’s not actively being bitten, “Calm the fuck down and listen. I <em>know</em> things,” this bite is just a dramatic nibble, “Two things specifically.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
Unprompted, Jay choses a unique brand of violence. He takes another page out of his owner’s manual and adapts the dead whisper. “One, that woman is like those jewelry store people. I’ve been around too many masked faces with that look. I don’t always pay attention, but when I do, I notice,” he says all this right in his ear, “Two: That halmeoni is ENGENE. A side-eye noona kinda ENGENE. Trust.”
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Again a, “WH—<em>mmffph?</em>” in darkness he’s shushed again but with hand.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“How do I know?” Jay speaks in a sedated hush, “I did things and I watched. That’s what I do. I put things out there, make big moves, act dumb then I watch. When I’ve seen enough, I strike.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He pours answers to questions unasked right into his ear deliberately, enunciating clearly in such a low register at an even lower volume. The words are mostly air and the sounds of his mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">While it’s known that his body doesn’t tickle easy, the opposite might be true for his mind. That’s a battle he has yet to fight. In due time he’ll see if he’s a worthy match to defeat the incessant tingle of ᴶAᵧSMR.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A muffled “W<em>phf—?</em>!” is all that can come out. It’s become difficult to breathe and it has nothing to do with the hand over his mouth. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Oh, you!” Hyung rolls the duvet dongsaeng gimbap over mattress-side with a sweet, wholesome cuddle. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Then he gets back in, right behind him, cape-style to continues with verbal assault.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Again, he speaks with a sinister sweetness at too tight a distance, “You know that look you give me <em>so much</em> grief for? The one that </span> <span class="s2"><em>works</em></span><span class="s1">? The one I </span> <span class="s2"><em>don’t look</em> at Ja<em>k</em></span><span class="s2">e</span> <span class="s1"> to make?” </span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Jungwon winces when he hears that ‘k’ in Ja<em>k</em>e a little too clearly. The reaction has nothing to do with Ja<em>k</em>e.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Do you know why I had to keep practicing? I have to with Ja<em>k</em>e. You’re nowhere in view when I have to and it’s Ja<em>k</em>e.” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Every syllable is a an attack, a tingling on his brain and the breath that accompanies is a touch like a molten feather dragged slow on his neck.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
 “So I bend my brain. I cut, copy and paste. Mentally, I shop out Ja<em>k</em>e.” 
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A pause for extra, also moisture. For a second and strange as it is, he can imagine from the sound the shape of lips in a smirk.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Now, do you get the implication of those expressions? Do you know why that works so well? How I do that so well?” Then in a beat he disconnects from that super-charged mood right into casual speaking Everyday Jay, “As fuck, I am creative! I am proud of that.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This Leader-nim feels very much like sheep, in that this line of questions with no answers is leading him very much astray. He nods his head, mouth still very much held in in hand. The platinum on that thumb on his cheek starts to burn hot.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Good, you know that face I’m talking about. I gave it to halmeoni, then I gave her hella money.” Jay let’s go of his grip with a dissonant boop of that nose. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Pretty eyes have adjusted in this dark, now things just look dim. Twisting his head he raises a brow, hands slowly come out of the comforter gimbap to sprout out palms up. He mimics an IDK emoji to a emote a ‘what the fuuuuck.’ Unsure how to process ANY of that, he relaxes his neck as he takes an extended breath out. He spirals further into disorient realizing his head is now on a pillow. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s2"><em>Oh</em>.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Still hushed but casual hyung continues, “I don’t know what else to say other than I guess halmeoni approves?” He gets comfy in recline, arm bent up on the mattress, jaw on his fist. “Same face we got a few times in front of earrings. From the mask up, obviously.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The noise outside the bedroom dies down, noticeably. Not that they’re in any mood to notice but it does bear noting.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Huh,” the superego paying attention to the background picks this detail up, but the id and the ego are drunk. They take over this brain with a, “wait, what?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Yeah, I know. How can I assume, right?” Like a bird, hyung clicks his tongue, “Wonie, 3000% that woman is ENGENE. You know how I know she’s ENGENE?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He doesn’t even think of opening his mouth because he has no idea where this brain has taken flight, so he sticks his tongue out in tiny. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Bird’s nocturnal vision catches this response, “Yeah. Don’t try. I know you’ll get it wrong.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">That reaction triggers a click. Jungwon gasps in gimbap, “Holy ship. Fashion!” He screams in tiny. Context clues for the win.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well, son of my hyung!” elated, Jay throws his arms around the Wonie gimbap. Plus legs. “I-LAND pajama bottoms. You fucking got it, Wonie b—!“ Now it’s hyung’s turn to be shushed.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Shh! Not so LOUD?!” Bee boss buzzes an order, whisper screaming with a hand over mouth, “Listen. It’s too quiet.” He discounts that he just screamed, albeit in tiny, but this is a necessary deflection. Jay is loud and Jungwon is in no mood to deal.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Bird in the hand takes a beat to listen.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The chatter’s not entirely gone, there are a few murmurs. Every once in a while, a voice becomes more audible but as soon as it picks up it fades, like someone broke the volume knob if the rest of the team functioned like ancient electronics.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Bird and Bee exchange looks with variable degrees of mathematic difficulty.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay shrugs it off, the homies seem far enough away. Jungwon knots his brows and physically strains gimbap to listen for clues, paying no mind to the handsome hyung in his palm, wrapped around himself like a cord protector. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Grunge chic hyung feels slighted.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Suddenly, Jay finds himself introspective. He wonders if he’s trained this boy to take his sweetness with the anticipation of salt. He recognizes he might be feeling a way about being shipped yet handled without priority. To address this, he adjusts his delivery.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">While this is true, Nyang-deo isn’t playing with a full deck of cards. Interest hasn’t waned, he is impaired, but he also can’t not be THIS. A responsible leader who is incredibly curious and maybe feeling a little left out.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jay takes repays a favor. He sticks his tongue out of his covered mouth and almost gets slapped hard enough for the entire floor to hear. Though Jungwon would never make an effort to hurt Jay (too much) his reflexive side has a mind of its own. A crisp floor wide slap that was the reflex’s intended action. Lucky for Jay, his aim and ability to strength gauge remain shoddy. Aim was a little better, but strength flew way below radar. With ease, Jay catches a wrist and regains attention. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Taking in this pose and how there’s no sane explanation for this scene, despite an entire comforter between the tension cuts through so much fabric. JungONE begins to worry. He feels a building warmth, literally, because he’s still in full outerwear, coated with a thick duvet, the heat is on a little high at home and something else. <em>Actual</em> physical dehydration. This is uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Damnit Bird,” exasperated with a look that incorrectly registers and medically ragged breath he asks, “What are you on now?” </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You.” Jay smirks, with the face that he doesn’t look at Ja<em>k</em>e to make. This bird looks like he’s about to devour his prey.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s1">\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Outside the bedroom doors, the last remnants of risotto have been completely devoured. Like JayWon snuck in, so has the effect of that delicate tea brewed by delicate, low-energy hyung Sunghoon. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">This migration of boys began with maknae Niki, who to no one’s surprise announced he was starting to feel sleepy. From a distance, everyone hears him flop face first on leather. At first he is completely askew, intending to lay lengthwise. His knee barely makes it to the seat. Like a dad but puppy, Jake takes the initiative to get that knee off the ground. Before he leaves his dongsaeng to rest he tilts his head off leather to be sure that Niki has room to breathe.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Unhelpfully, the next to feel this tea was Sunghoon, though not as strongly. He’d start a sentence and immediately drift into pause mode. Jake senses a slight yet <em>actual</em> disturbance in the force, but takes a hands-off approach. That’s no longer his job but he sets a watchful eye out. <em>Things</em> be damned, that’s still <em>his</em> Hoon-ah.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It’s when Heeseung started to to lilt in the middle of a joke that Jake’s ears perk up in alarm. Their mathyung is a notorious night owl and getting him to fall asleep before midnight was rare to XR. Suspecting trouble, he does something blatant with Sunghoon in full view of Heeseung, a thing even in jest he never does. He calls him ‘Honey’ with a look he <em>doesn’t look at Jay</em> to make. Sunghoonie isn’t bothered, then again he never is, but the lack of reaction from Heeseungie triggers a click. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jake acts to get these two comfortable and together ASAP. He actively teases the parent hyungs, sparking alight their strong combative sides, effectively pinning them at odds. That gets the two of them to read each other’s rapidly dropping energy levels. Still on their flirtatious bullshit, SungSeung end up staggering to the couch while playing a mini-game a few seat cushions away from a dead static Niki. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Sunoo is the last in the kitchen with Jake, aggressively holding on to lucidity. He insists on cleaning-up then his grip slips, almost dropping one of many favorite teacups. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jakey springs to his aid but not without retrieving the tin of tea to investigate. On this Aussie hyung’s insistence, Sunoo gets assisted to the couch. By the time he hits the plush, he is essentially dead weight with an arm slung over velvet hyung. Impressive arm strength, pure strength of will and a desire to be his best, attentive self got him seated safely next to Niki, who immediately crawls into his Sunoo’s lap. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Finally able to rest himself but still hyper aware that he’s essentially a fifth wheel, he makes his way to lay on the floor by the cushions he hasn’t thrown up on. When he set fancy dongsaeng down already there was barely space for Sunoo to sandwich between boys. He’s about to walk away when he’s stopped by a tug on his clothes. One tug becomes a few separate tugs on his hoodie and one tug on his pants. He turns around to find they’ve made space for him between these two good ships. Pant grab lets go first. On his periphery he sees Sunoo and Heeseung let go off his hoodie. He already knows who took him by the pants because Niki’s hand still is tugging at Sunoo’s hoodie sleeve, opting to extend the gesture via proxy.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Smiling and literally touched, Jake feels like he might cry but he has very little moisture left to spare. He takes a seat. Sunoo lays his head on the crook of his neck, with Niki on his lap who nods, approving. SungSeung take a beat before settling in, unsure about <em>things</em>. Recognizing a look in his Hoonie’s eyes, mathyung wraps his arms around him from behind and leans them both to lay onto Jake’s lap. Big and little spoon hyungs cozy in. Heeseungie looks up at Jake confused. Hee reaches into their lap man’s hoodie pouch and pulls out a floral decorated tin. Sunghoon turns to see what that was about and gets handed. He hugs the tin like a son.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jake smiles in happy puppy. Everyone eventually gets soft, affectionate head pats from Jake in this semi-comatose state. They’ll be mostly quiet with all 7 of their senses deadened for the next 15 minutes. A giant plus for JayWon.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The delicate tea has bloomed in full and the couch becomes a vase for this bouquet of boys. The Spa Day Braintrust rebrand as the Sleepy Boy Pile, a name that for some reason pops up in everyone’s mind. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The fedora is now irredeemable, so is everything else that comes out at this time. The time is 10:50 at night.</span>
</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter crosses over mid ch9 (Risotto &amp; Milk Tea)<br/>_________</p><p>OMFG we got a logo ENGENEs. As a graphic designer, I feel like we just got proposed to. It’s official and I CANNOT. A logo. I am shook.<br/>_________</p><p>Spa Day Allumni, let me know your thoughts? Would appreciate your input. </p><p>Thank you for reading! 🔀✨</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. WHAT?!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>JayWon learns about <em>things</em> and the perception of Leadership.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter crosses over with Spa Day 2020 ch10 (Borld's West)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The mood splits in the dorm. In separate rooms, a pair of Parks set the thermostat at opposing temperatures.</p><p> </p><p><em>Things</em> have cooled down in the living room. The Sleepy Boy Pile is frozen in various states of chill. Ice Prince Park’s concoction has slowed their blood and everyone is cold to the touch. On a hunch Jake shivers. He suspects, he’s right, that right now they’re on thin ice.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile in the bedroom, Jungwon sweats. He is steaming, also melting and he may be overheating. Same for Hot Blonde Park, but different. His blood boils about the cheese but now he craves something spicy. Maybe spicy corn cheese. <em>Things</em> are about to get flamingly Jay.</p><p> </p><p>Still holding onto wrist Jay attacks with a slight angling of his jaw, an eyebrow raised, a cocky curled-lip smirk. That killing move, the one he doesn’t look at Ja<em>k</em>e to make.</p><p> </p><p>On screen it charms, in person it disarms, up close it numbs <em>actual</em> human arms. Jay’s lethality is chemical weapons grade like Ice Park’s. Conscience keeps that holstered in wholesome. He’s socially responsible and by god he cannot claim another life. Not this time.</p><p> </p><p>This one will be different. He’ll be fine, he can fight. He’ll blow his mind.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s never seen this up close. It works too well. He’s got so little moisture to spare and he’s sweating out. Fact: this room is kept toasty for easy indoor wear naps. He’s wrapped in a down duvet, a sweater and a polar fleece-lined puffy coat so large plush he looks like a little marzipan boy with a body built with marshmallows. He’s in trouble. Its not good and it gets worse.</p><p> </p><p>All this expended body heat sends that sensory third wheel SHampoo <em>gone</em>. Now it’s just Everyday Jay and Nyang JungONE. Wrapped in this climate, in wool no less, Jay builds a fire to roast marshmallows with thermite.</p><p> </p><p>That look <em>is</em> pure thermite. It smolders and it won’t stop.</p><p> </p><p>Logically, this flirtatious bullshit shouldn’t be entertained. He’s on the verge of heat exhaustion, much more of this it’ll be a heat stroke and <em>later</em> happens in the ER… but this cat likes to push himself hard and he’s curious. Bold, this bird looks <em>good</em> with this face somewhere between aloof, arrogant and offensive.</p><p> </p><p>Like an idiot rookie he smiles crooked, it trembles up and he purses the top of his lip. He rebuffs with hostility, “I never want to see that live,” he says with a lazy scoff.</p><p> </p><p>The older boy’s acts aghast, “You offend me with that lie,” he counters with a conceited huff, “The disrespect.”</p><p> </p><p>“No lie.” a scowl, then he’s shy. “You’d make it tough. I have a job.” He looks away, dizzy.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww,” a head tilt without wholesome, “a compliment from the boss.” head tilts further. A few messy curls of blonde part, framing a heavy-lidded gaze.</p><p> </p><p>His mouth barely parts with a gracious, “Welcome,” then a labored gulp, “but stop.”</p><p> </p><p>“Make me.” He shakes his head soft with an <em>actual</em> ‘no’ and brings that white wrist further up.</p><p> </p><p>Brows curve in worry but still a smile. “Pffh. I can’t?” That’s a lie, he’s just aware of his strength gauges’s broken knob. “No... I won’t.” That’s honest, he feels bad about earlier.</p><p> </p><p>“Tough.” Bird hops a brow and lands a kiss on the inside of that wrist by the cuff.</p><p> </p><p>The hand of that wrist cramps and fails to make a fist. This has to stop?</p><p> </p><p>He’s made more nauseas upon feeling a blush. He grunts in discomfort, “Jay-ah, enough.” Boss gives a leaden order, “Get off.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyebrows take flight, “Huh?” he reads this look clouded in bias.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s dry eyes narrow. “Get OFF, now.” he says again through a tightly clenched jaw.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s imagination takes flight, “... here?”</p><p> </p><p>Woozy frustration and the onset of heat exhaustion take over Jungwon’s message’s delivery system. He keeps the text short to regulate breath but Jay is being an entire Mailer Daemon and the message fails to send.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” gritting his teeth with shaky breath he takes his free hand wipes sweat from his eyes to his hair. It doesn’t help that he finds this funny and it shows. “Listen?”</p><p> </p><p>It’s not what he says but how he says it and the <em>actual</em> heat that causes Jay to fill that pause with a zoo’s worth of wild.</p><p> </p><p>“Get. Off.” he reads that look and shuts his eyes tight to ward off aggravation, laughter and general dryness of eyeballs. “Get yourself off—”</p><p> </p><p>Every animal in the zoo of Jay’s imagination breaks loose.</p><p> </p><p>“—my body.” Poor boy doesn’t mean to keep pausing so long. He’s being measured about his words because too many syllables make for harder breathing. Plus he feels like screaming.</p><p> </p><p>The loose zoo’s animals start eating each other. They seem happy?</p><p> </p><p>Jay bites his lip, eyes go wide then blink too many times while his neck cranes in a few directions like an owl. His eyebrows go from confusion, worry to relaxed then nods, ending with eye contact. He takes this mission.</p><p> </p><p>Amused, Jay shrugs. “A bold request inside our shared bedroom but I trust you, boss.” The he starts to shift.</p><p> </p><p>Eyes go wide with a breathless, “What.” Nyangwon has math face like he’s never met numbers.</p><p> </p><p>This misunderstanding could’ve ended had the younger boy let this go from fire to dynamite for a second. Jay was about to quit hugging the boy gimbap like a body pillow, which is ALL Jungwon was asking for. He could’ve stopped him before he could undo his belt but his eyes were enough for Jay to reconsider and make things worse.</p><p> </p><p>An eye twitch, “Remove... the weight.. of your being... from my human body?” he tries so hard to be clear through each labored pause.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? Tell me how.” If he wasn’t looking at him that way, he could’ve sensed his unease.</p><p> </p><p>“Just get off?” he whines but starts a lazy laugh, “I’m hot.” he’s breathing heavier.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, how? Also, not wrong.” To be fair, if he wasn’t so used to being spoken to so frequently in test this wouldn’t be an issue.</p><p> </p><p>The lowest energy laugh. “Oh, JaySus. I feel warm?” He tries to clarify but now he clearly burns with embarrassment.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I see. I feel.” Maybe if shampoo wasn’t in the way earlier they’d be speaking the same language. No, that’s a lie. Like this could’ve happened any sooner.</p><p> </p><p>His breathing starts to slow, too slow. “My body is... overheating? Check?” Limp, he moves his captive wrist for emphasis, “My pulse?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay follows but by-passes that suggestion and sets two fingers to his neck, “Weak? But fast.” the rest of his fingers curl around the behind that head.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” Relieved with that answer, he leans into that hand, “Thank you, first aid.” wrongly he assumes victory through context clues, “Now please—”</p><p> </p><p>This just encourages him to roll atop gimbap, “Lets make it race.” That look with a lick escalates. “You’ll have trouble breathing.” Get it, son! ...but seriously, this <em>has</em> to stop.</p><p> </p><p>“I already am?!” More than ever his voice grows frantic, especially now that he’s weakened beneath a weight.</p><p> </p><p>A smirk, “Thanks. I try,” then a leery smile.</p><p> </p><p>“LISTEN,” he balks at the audacity, “I am not. Breathing. Normally.”</p><p> </p><p>Dipping down too close he pays attention to each inhale and exhale, “Yeah. You sound hot.” then with the <em>Cartier</em> thumb swipes a top V from the top of his jaw to his chin.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” with that touch he gets carried by the tide, “pff… you.” They’re so close and blonde drapes over so well. He can barely focus on anything but that old scar of a split lip. “...but really... I am SO hot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, me and yes, you are.” He holds that position, the back of his knuckles drag from his neck to his ear slick with sweat.</p><p> </p><p>A sharp intake of ragged breath, “This a fever dream?” He squeaks a poorly worded sentence, eyes fluttering shut.</p><p> </p><p>“You do feel a bit fevered,” too much effort is put into feeling. Fingers trace features from brow bone, to nose arch, to cheek bone, to ear at a pace of a sculptor. Delicate and deliberate with focused pressure. This moisture’s not helping, in that it makes every movement smoother. This HAS to stop. “... and you look like a dr—”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah!? Do you hear me? STRUGGLE?” he <em>is</em> breathing in some<em>thing</em> else’s carbon dioxide. Survival instincts are kicking in with more syllables in sentences, “Hyung, get the fuck off me?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Tsk, tsk. Oh, Wonie bee,” this wholesome nickname’s now just a spoken yikes, “As if you give ME mercy when I struggle.” Oof, truth! “Deal with it.” Yipes, harsh? “I do. I know you like this too.” Not wrong, but Lordt!? Someone save Yang Jungwon!</p><p> </p><p>JungONE gets desperate shot of adrenaline from the super-ego and does a quick mind-body disconnect to access words. If this wasn’t happening to him this’d be funny. If he didn’t take so many performance training health and safety courses he’d probably have slipped into a medical emergency only slightly bothered, but he is who he is and he can’t not be THIS.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung,” Leader-nim with an intact vocabulary  and a dead affect comes back online with a save, “if I die of hyperthermia indoors in my own bed in winter before we debut, the globe will avenge me,” his eyes fly open with a livid fire and he growls. “You’ll start a civil war within ENGENE, between Edens and BlueJays. At least ONE of my hyung dads will murder you. We swore a blood oath. Zico might go AWOL to find you. My grandmother owns a family of knives.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! You weren’t speaking in subtext this whole time?” guilt and a grimace accessorize hyung’s grungy face.</p><p> </p><p>“No! Not this time.” These are just facts, “I am steaming in ALL my clothes inside a blanket in a heated room with an entire human being radiating god knows how much heat, being hot and for what. You are killing me, literally, Jay hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aah, you almost got me! I caught that! You snuck in a compliment,” he crosses his arms smug above like he just beat a game against his boss, “You ARE fucking with me. If you mean it you can shove me off.”</p><p> </p><p>F’ed up and fed up Boss Yang clicks his tongue. “Hey, let me show you something,” he curls his fingers in near to get Jaybird to come.</p><p> </p><p>Bird hyung descends. “What is it, boss?”</p><p> </p><p>“Get close,” he sounds inviting.</p><p> </p><p>He comes in expecting, “Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Closer,” but this <em>is</em> taunting.</p><p> </p><p>Expecting with a “Mmm,” to land a kiss...</p><p> </p><p>... but lips are blocked by the back of a fist. A classic taekwondo block.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever happens, keep your beak shut,” boss gives a quiet but firm order with no room for interpretation. “No sound or no <em>later</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Softy Officer Park salutes with a “Sir, yessir.”</p><p> </p><p>Then he gets a poke of a finger to the side of his skull.</p><p> </p><p>“B<em>h</em>gr<em>l</em>ph<em>w?!</em>?!?” That poke short circuits and both seasons of I-LAND flash before Jay’s eyes. He may be lightly concussed.</p><p> </p><p>That looked like touch but it felt like a punch. He’ll have a knot and it’s going to bruise ugly but that’s okay. It’s just scalp. Management confirms there are no future plans to shave this eagle bald.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah buddy.” Leader-nim is childhood friends with math. When he’s on, math face is a look of pure confidence, “Strength not even 2%. I am peak body drunk. An attempt to use force right now is a risk we debut as a 6.4 piece with a broken bunk <em>if</em> you survive.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shipt. Sorry.” Jay finally gets it, demonstrates remorse and dismounts.</p><p> </p><p>Finally with that weight off, Jungwon sits up and bursts with a gasp kicking his comforter away. Without aiming, it completely covers Jay.</p><p> </p><p>Until he can find the ends of the covers Jay hears nothing but fabric rustle, snaps, zips and panicked breathing. It sounds bad, now he feels bad. Like a bad man, but worse. Like a criminal but without the smooth. He feels awful.</p><p> </p><p>Before he’s completely out of the fluffy sheet he starts apologizing, “Oh my god, Wonie I’m so so SO sor— OH.” for a second he’s not sure if he’s been concussed into an amalgamated flashback.</p><p> </p><p>Sitting up on the mattress with his head down ruffling perspiration dripping off his scalp, spine completely curved, shaking, breathing heavy out of his mouth, is a shirtless Yang Jungwon. In the time Jay went dark he tore every top off. He looks pissed and hurried, looking for something dry to wick this clammy moisture before it chills him to the bone. He finds Jay staring, shakes his head in disgust and yanks the broad scarf from around his neck with a snap. Shifting to get his legs off the bed, he crumples the knit to mop up while he sets his head between his knees to keep from fainting. First aid.</p><p> </p><p>Jay is frozen, feeling so many things at once, R.A.S. at himself and. The thought stops there. He’s already caused too much trouble. He’ll be a real hyung and help.</p><p> </p><p>Standing from the bunk he slips off his coat, suit jacket and distressed silk shirt. With the silk he helps dry off his back and his hair to free Jungwon while he focuses on regaining a steady rhythm of breath. Once he’s dry enough, he acts like a gentleman and drapes his suit jacket over his dongsaeng.</p><p> </p><p>The young boy’s head goes up, feeling a little better but he looks like he’s been through war. Jay takes a knee and his pocket square. Without words he dabs down the boy’s face.</p><p> </p><p>Looking tired, he rolls his eyes at this hyung. “I <em>was</em> showing mercy, idiot.” Baring his teeth he sneers, runs his fingers through his hair then pushes Jay’s hand away.</p><p> </p><p>That gesture devastates. His entire skeletal structure droops, but it wasn’t meant that way. Jungwon just needed that space clear. Sideways, he kisses his own thumb and sets it on Jay’s lips with a well-placed touch. He isn’t mad, just annoyed with the hassle. Then he gets up, tosses that sweaty scarf at Jay’s face and starts to walk out of the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>He’s almost at the doorframe when Jay says with a small voice. “Don’t leave?” He reaches to say something meaningful but all he can muster is, “… you smell nice.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon looks back in profile, hands in suit pockets with an apathetic look. “Oh? Good to know,” he shrugs, “but… I’m gonna go,” and points out the door with his thumb.</p><p> </p><p>“Wha<em>a</em>at?” this rejection makes Jay blue.</p><p> </p><p>“—change,” he announces while his index crosses over his thumb, “ALL my clothes,” with a stoic look he waves that finger heart in tiny, “in the closet.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay gets that ENGENE flutter at the sight of those hearts, “Oh? Should I—”</p><p> </p><p>“Now? Nah. I’m going solo,” he says acting in slow-mo setting aside suit hem to hang his thumb in the pocket of his denim.</p><p> </p><p>“Why, Wonie, why?” like a brat, this spoiled boy older by two years whines.</p><p> </p><p>With a fatal smirk he says, “I have work,” and gives Jay a clear once over, “business before pleasure.” Then he clicks his tongue and with a swagger flexes part of a dance move, a snap of the suit jacket with no shirt underneath, “<em>Later</em>, pretty bird.” Then he exits.</p><p> </p><p>Left in a kneel, a flustered BlueJay with his tongue in his teeth stays still, holding a damp scarf he doesn’t remember catching. He is aghast at himself realizing how whipped he is at base level. The slightest peek of lean abdominal muscle left him dazed without words. He wonders if his brain got jostled fierce with that poke because he swears the parts he saw glowed. Thinking on the cycle of violence that he is always too eager to perpetuate, he prays for his survival <em>later</em>. Terrified, he smiles in HUGE.</p><p> </p><p>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\</p><p> </p><p>While Jungwon changes, Jay lays essential groundwork. Motivated to achieve a sooner later, he takes initiative and starts distributing guilt gifts. In his mind he’s drafted a proposal that he knows his boss will find attractive.</p><p> </p><p>The off-handed placement of Jake’s dog analogue on his bunk sparked the idea. He climbs up the steps and tucks the plush under the covers for full effect. He stages the scene, lays the ears like it’s real, mindful of his paper accessory. Jake will swoon at this sight, guaranteed.</p><p> </p><p>Next up are the pair of ear gifts for SunKi. For a compatible look, he unboxes Niki’s ear buds and sets them in its carrying case. He sets each package atop pillows on Sunoo’s bunk in the known order they sleep in. Side by side, the the presentation is elegant and it’ll make an impact. On Niki’s bunk he sets the rest of the box with the manual and charger.</p><p> </p><p>For the last set of gifts he hesitates, thinking on why he does and what he wants to do. He’s interrupted when he hears his phone vibrate from his coat strewn on Jungwon’s bunk. What he sees induces shock.</p><p> </p><p>He says to himself aloud, “What the fuck?”</p><p> </p><p>It’s a shaky video but it looks like it’s filming a static image. Without a doubt, that’s the living room couch and that looks like… everyone? They look like they’re taking a nap but logistics of the pose is WILD. Then digital zoom kicks in. He notices how they move, what they do and Jay’s eyebrows take flight.</p><p> </p><p>He slips his phone in his back pocket, sprints out of the bedroom and almost runs straight into an entire Yang Jungwon for the second time that day.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie! Cheeses crimes, you scared me!” Jay whisper screams, hand over heart.</p><p> </p><p>“Same!?” Jungwon whisper screams back, “How is this day so random yet all déjà vu?” he carelessly notes, clutching at hoodie chest fabric. “Got my text?”</p><p> </p><p>The answer is a breathy all capsed, “YEAH.” with all the whites of his eyes out, “Did you talk to them?”</p><p> </p><p>“No. I saw a cuddle boy pile so I ducked to take a few photos then it started moving like a clump of undead. I texted and ran to get you.”</p><p> </p><p>“So weird! Plus the physical closeness!” Jay shudders at the thought, “Normal for us, but straight weird for everyone else.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not <em>that</em> bad, like <em>us</em> bad. It’s just weird that it’s all of them close at once. We still the baddest, son.” he offers a fist to bump.</p><p> </p><p>He takes that bump, “This feels problematic. There can only be ONE. JayWon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Chill, chick. The weird crown’s ours.” there’s a little too much pride in that declaration.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, if they’re all like us now, then what? Wonie, Bird and Bee is already fucked up. My fucked up repression and your fucked up aggression. That times four boys plus that charming little bitch equals what?”</p><p> </p><p>Lost in his own bird math ‘what ifs’ Jay stumbles to lean his head on Jungwon’s shoulder, arms falling limp on his sides. Jungwon staggers back til he feels the wall.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! They’re not us?!” Yang-deo sputters then grimaces in sympathy, “Shh. Get out of your head, Jay-ah. That’s my job and still, that’s none of <em>our</em> business,” he pats his head away from that new knot. “Until it’s a problem, let them live?”</p><p> </p><p>In the hall Jungwon reacts with a series of unseen expressions to inquiries and observations Jay speaks into his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t not wonder, did they pass out? Why? Are they okay? Wh… Why are they all pawing at each other like a pile of kittens?”</p><p> </p><p>Yang-deo shrugs and nods, worried about everyone medically but proud of his team’s close bond.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going down between Hoon-ah and Hyungie? Why is Hoon-ah a spoon-ah in mixed company? What is Hee doing with his hands?”</p><p> </p><p>He smiles sweet, feeling better about the relationship between his parent hyungs.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie,” he slips his hands into pocket of the younger boy’s hoodie like an arm muff, “I want that. Later? They make it seem nice...”</p><p> </p><p>Cocking his head to lean onto Jay’s, he scrunches his nose and nods with a timid grin.</p><p> </p><p>“…but why is it happening on Jakethy’s lap?”</p><p> </p><p>That gets both of them to shake a bit, holding each other in a quiet burst of laughter.</p><p> </p><p>Then Jay takes a hard left with questionable questions in rapid succession.</p><p> </p><p>“How is Heeseungie hyung that comfortable with his head on Jakey’s down unders? Why is Niki’s face deep in a fancy hyung’s lap? What is Sunoo doing on and to Jake’s neck? Is he drooling? Is he nuzzling? Why so slow? Why is everyone in slow-mo? Why is Jake touching everyone everywhere at the same time in <em>nal geugose heorakhaejweo</em> face? Why is this happening? What is Sunghoon-ah examining? Why do they look like they might be laughing? Why do I keep thinking that this scenario would make more sense if everyone was bleeding out?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon pushes Jay by the shoulders, mock offended. “Have a some respect? Them’s my sons?” with a smile he calls back Jay’s story the’Scalade, “In my house? Shame.”</p><p> </p><p>“That would be funny if you weren’t so aware of my <em>actual</em> father complex” Jay’s a little salty hearing his dad quoted.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not funny, Jay-ah. It’s <em>hilarious,</em>” he taunts with a knowing look, “because those daddy issues are <em>exactly</em> why you like me so much,” folding his arms, he stands back against the wall, “Chill though, they’re just being harmless dongsaeng and hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay leans a hand up by his head on that wall, “So are we,” he leans in close to talk, “That doesn’t mean decency.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not my job. Not my problem.” shoulders shrug in response, “Also, it IS decent.”</p><p> </p><p>The irony’s not lost on Jay, “Please,” this talk while shamelessly flirting in the hallway, “If that’s them five, then what the <em>four</em> happens in twos?” but it is funnier this way.</p><p> </p><p>“Or threes?” Jungwon agrees, “Quit with the bird math. We are WORSE in public and YOU specifically have no right to be so rude AND prude.” he puffs out his cheeks, pushes off the wall and bumps into Jay’s shoulder on purpose.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, maybe not me but you’re our leader?” he grabs that hoodie sleeve as he tries to leave, “Lay down some discipline?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon staggers back a bit, pulled by his sleeve. Annoyed, he shakes the hold and grits his teeth. “I will, later.” then he smirks waggling his eyebrows, “While I’m feeling good drunk, let’s go avenge my inbox and your cheese.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay frowns hard remembering his resentment, “Ooh. I’m still angry about that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good!” He beams with two thumbs up, “Use that. Help me shame,” thumbs become finger guns that shoot at the ceiling, then he twirls on his heel to stroll but turns too fast and almost hits a wall.</p><p> </p><p>With a sigh and a chuckle, Jay links an arm. They walk down the hall toward the living room. Voices start to grow, although still uncharacteristically slow and soft for for this group of rowdy boys. From within earshot in the kitchen they Jake’s distinctly velvet talk then suddenly, a loud exclamation from Heeseung. Instinctively, they duck behind the kitchen island.</p><p> </p><p>“That! That right there! That’s the shit that triggers me about JayWon.”</p><p> </p><p>Huddled and crouched Jay and Jungwon share a look of surprise. Of all people to gossip about them and with such passion, the last person they expected this to come from was Jay’s five year homie and Jungwon’s Hyung Father Heeseung.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s no way he doesn’t know! Is he leading him on?...”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon starts to scoot closer down the island on a side not visible from the couch, Jay who’s been following on all fours stops. The younger boy looks back with a hand gesturing close. He turns back too fast to see the look on Jay’s face. Guilt.</p><p> </p><p>“...that’s my kid and I know my kid is soft for Jongseong. I see it and everyone sees it...”</p><p> </p><p>Jay wasn’t aware of how this looked from the outside. Coming from someone he sees as a close friend, someone whom he thought knew his heart, who at one he wanted something more with, this observation cuts deep.</p><p> </p><p>“… He is SO direct. I don’t want him to get hurt or stop being that way. I am <em>so</em> proud and I am <em>soooo</em> jealous that he’s got the balls to be bold that young…”</p><p> </p><p>Peeking from under the dining table, Jungwon shifts back with a hand over his heart. He’s touched by those words, that tone of masculine admiration and that defensive air of protection. He smiles to himself, looking up at the ceiling. He feels good about being true to who he is and he stops trying to follow that conversation. Finally he looks over at Jay who’s leaned back seated with his knees up, resting elbows, also looking up. He’s getting misty.</p><p> </p><p>Confused, he crawls over to the older boy and sets a hand on his shoulder with concern. Jay has trouble making eye contact. Two to four heavy tears drop. The younger boy moves to get between his legs, kneels up, touches his hyung’s cheek, shakes his head and pulls him into a hug. Emotional, hyung wraps his arms around this boy’s midsection and spills a few more tears onto hoodie. While he cries, his crown gains a jeweled peck.</p><p> </p><p>Jay looks up and he mouths, <em>I’m sorry. </em>Lips go crooked while his gaze drifts to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Emboldened by admiration from someone he admires, Jungwon strengthens his resolution to be better than his elders— <em>all</em> his elders and never shrink away from what feels right within reason. With both hands he angles Jay’s head up, thumbs behind his ears and leans over to accept that silent apology from his mouth. On the kitchen floor, behind the island within earshot of the Sleepy Boy Pile Jungwon makes sure Jay knows that they’ll always be cool no matter what. The kiss starts with a soft touch and it blooms as it deepens, an affirmative response to that gaze that he makes when he sings the request ‘please let me in.’ The answer is and it feels like an <em>Always, </em>as it’s been since they met. This non-verbal message and it’s delivery is received well. Now Jay knows he is a priority, shipped, first-class, handled with care and personally endorsed.</p><p> </p><p>Heeseung has every reason to feel jealousy over the balls on this boy, to be so bold yet so young.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, things get a little heated in the pile. Suddenly Sunghoon is screaming. It’s the lowest energy scream, lower than his usual levels but definitely still in that voice that cuts through room tone. 3000% the words Sunghoon screams breaks JayWon out of a daze.</p><p> </p><p>“…you touched EVERYONE in the same way you touched me!…”</p><p> </p><p>Again, JayWon share a look that’s mostly the whites of their eyes. They start to tremble in held laughter. Now in a better mood, Jay cocks his head to suggest peeking over the kitchen island.</p><p> </p><p>“I SHOULD KILL YOU.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon nods with a toothy smile, shoulders doing a little dance, excited. Quickly, they scoot over to where the younger boy was observing from earlier, under the dining table. Suddenly, they catch Sunoo trying to get up.</p><p> </p><p>“… Maybe do the dishes. I don’t want to be…”</p><p> </p><p>At the sound of something vaguely kitchen related, JayWon panic. They turn to each other, instantly they find themselves looking at the closet door. In clear view on the kitchen is the entrance to the walk-in. Like a cat, Jungwon starts to bolt but Jay read that look, that classic ‘imma be a blur in a second’ look and he grabs him by the hoodie hood. Jungwon almost chokes at that tug of fabric around his throat at a speed of zero to yeet.</p><p> </p><p>A rapid series of hand gestures and JayWon’s psychic connection relays a message in two nouns and one adverb: Backpack. Closet. Now. Wordlessly they agree to have Jay work on retrieval (because he can run a straight line) while Jungwon ducks in the closet and takes care of door and lookout duty.</p><p> </p><p>They’re about to break when for no reason other than a collective hunch, they take one last look at the couch to assess the state of the pile. JayWon almost blows their cover with large audible gasps.</p><p> </p><p><em>WHAT?!</em> is the collective thought.</p><p> </p><p>Practically on Jake’s lap while Niki watches laying on his stomach, raised up and Sunoo looks down from a wobbly standing position is Sunghoon leaning up on his elbows to give Heeseung, who is on top of him, between his legs a kiss on the lips. They both clock the fact that Jake has his arm around Sunghoon’s shoulders while this happens and he most definitely is in that face that he doesn’t look at Jay to make.</p><p> </p><p>JayWon go numb in shock. They hold hands, squeeze in solidarity and feel they’ve both gone cold to the touch. They make eye contact and with a determined nod they break. Each boy becomes a blur.</p><p> </p><p>They’ll meet in the closet because now IS <em>later</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I can't stress enough how grateful I am to everyone still reading this series, this one day universe of inside jokes, relentless innuendo and obsessive adherence to continuity. There is no what its for. I've never written this much in my life and really, to me this is fun. I hope to see you again in the next one.</p><p>As always, I'd love some feedback. I like to know how to grow. </p><p>____________</p><p>p.s. Belated birthday greetings to the best boy in the galaxy, this jewel of a human, my bias Yang Jungwon. I felt awful for putting him through stuff for plot but eh. It could be worse? This is fan fiction. I KNOW it gets worse lol.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Same, but different.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon sees <em>things</em> from the dark.<br/>Jay can hear <em>things</em> from below. </p><p>JayWon witness. In the closet they cope.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter crosses over with Spa Day 2020 ch11 (Citrus &amp; Honey)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Flush against the side of the refrigerator with the backpack on his chest like a baby bjorn, Jay waits for a signal. He listens for cues and keeps in view an eye peeking out from that barely opened closet door. Too many times already he’d had his heart in his throat beating fast.</p><p> </p><p>He shoots that eye a glance again, it closes with a calm <em>actual</em> no. It tells him with a hand to crouch low. He follows instructions close because he trusts explicitly.</p><p> </p><p>Boss Yang keeps a sharp lookout through a limited field of vision. This is a gamble, this act of looking. It’s dark in the closet and the kitchen’s fluorescents are on. Easily he could be seen, but witnessing the pile he’s sussed that everyone’s in some state of impaired. Still, he cautions. Sunoo has his back to him but Sunghoon, oh if he only looked about ten degrees to his right he’d be spooked. That bloodshot eye peeks out with stressed out intensity. Add his pale skin, a few messy strands of black, and the severity of the shadows, this sweet-faced dongsaeng has the visuals of a Japanese horror movie ghost.</p><p> </p><p>SunSung speak in hushed tones. Context clues say enough but he strains to listen, hoping some verbs might give away something that secures Jay’s entry into the closet. He tunes out the louder conversation in the living room and focuses on the two black-haired boys passing a knife.</p><p> </p><p>“You mad like I was?” By the sink Sunoo sinks into a whisper, taking a used knife by the blade from Sunghoon.</p><p> </p><p>Cheeky, Sunghoon nods, “You know the game.” He turns away to bring back a skillet full of spoons, “Put them on ice when they don’t act right. Keep a short leash but keep it sweet. That kinda deal.”</p><p> </p><p>Impressed, Sunoo gasps. “Son of a Hyung!” From the saucepan he takes a spoon and waves it like a wand for emphasis, “Boy, do I ever take after you. My dearest Hyung with beauty and brains. Ooh!” He’s tickled with a fit of admiration. Coy, he points with the spoon. “You’re lucky! Feel lucky I have someone new. Someone I like much more than I ever liked you.” </p><p> </p><p>Though in jest, that hurt Sunghoon’s pride so he flexes his charm out of spite. </p><p> </p><p>He passes the skillet with curious energy, “Don’t talk to me that way,” he runs a hand through his hair, not his own but Sunoo’s ending with a sly leer, “You’re lucky we’re in mixed company.” </p><p> </p><p>Sunghoon just turned Knife on his son while his brother watched in the closet, horrified. Jungwon’s mouth flies open, he covers his mouth with the crook of his elbow.  </p><p> </p><p>He flinches, taking the pan. “Father. Don’t test me.” Nervous, he tips the skillet almost dropping all the spoons. He’s shaken by the reflexive tongue dart that comes with this two-person remix of this classic motion. </p><p> </p><p>Low to the ground, Blonde Park covers surveillance of the other side. His ears are on his dyed peers in the living room. The word ‘fedora’ triggers him like a sleeper agent and his eyes go wide.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I’m gonna fucking kill Jake.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"He's going to murder me.” Jake squeaks into his hands, guessing right again.</p><p> </p><p>Heeseung agrees with too much glee. “Yeah, he will.”</p><p> </p><p>From underneath the closet door, the tail end of Jungwon’s belt snakes out slowly to draw Jay’s attention. It works. They exchange looks panicked by independent sources. Two fingers come out of the gap and curl a left. Quickly, he moves from the fridge to behind the kitchen counter. A thumb peeks out from behind the door. Jay gives a thumbs-up back. The closet's thumbs-up changes into a finger heart and Jay’s hand flies up to his mouth, knuckles pressed on his lips in flash fluster. He looks away, timidly pursing his lips, and throws a few finger hearts back in sets of two. Jungwon clutches his chest, disappearing from view for a few. Curious, Jay gets low to the ground to see through the gap underneath. They almost laugh out loud when they make accidental eye contact.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck, let’s do it!” Jake claps unnecessarily loud, cupping air to add volume, “EN’s get it!”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon bolts back upright to case his view. He sees a blonde, a brunette, and a red get on their feet. His eye darts back to the kitchen duo. They both look over to the living room, shaking their heads in fond disgust. From the floor, Jay stays alert for further instruction.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Not yet. Soon.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“LETCHUGO!!” Niki cries with his fist up.</p><p> </p><p>The trio beat feet and slam open the balcony door. Bird behind the island feels that vibration of sound through the floor. He grimaces thinking of the neighbors below. In the shadows, he sees a flash of teeth. Ghost in the closet grimaces at that exact thought. Then some bitch grabs the latch and slams it shut. The sound reverberates and teeth grit hard in JayWon.</p><p> </p><p>Back in the kitchen, Sunoo’s rolled up his sleeves to start with the messy work. The skillet goes in the sink along with his entire gaze. Sunghoon’s gathered the rest of the dishes to wash, daft to the tension he’s added for no meaningful reason.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, quit competing for a prize you don’t need.” he sighs with the sound of a spoon scraping food waste, “I have a weak heart and I can’t play that game.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? I thought you were over me,” Sunghoon says aloof, leaning on the counter next to a set of teacups.</p><p> </p><p>Reluctant, Jay tips up to make confused eye contact but his glance won’t reach. The eye he tries for is popping out of socket. He sees puffed-out cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>“My heart is,” Sunoo diligently distributes dollops of dish soap from a bottle. “but the rest of me needs time to catch up. Feelings linger, Hyung. Your body doesn’t just forget. A strong crush is a sensory memory and triggers still exist for those rush of endorphins. It’s hard.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon feels someone else’s heartbreak in his chest. He doesn’t want to, but he accepts it. His eyes flutter low and he feels a lump in his throat. Then he sees his belt move in Jay’s hand looking up with a meek grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Even when someone else has your heart,” Sunoo reaches up to run his hand through the older boy’s hair, smoothing down to the side of his face, “memories still quicken that pace.”</p><p> </p><p>Then he gives him a soft but unmistakable slap on the cheek that sounds louder than it hits.</p><p> </p><p>This shocks Hoon, touching his cheek. He’s never been slapped. Smug and unapologetic, Sunoo smirks, dusts off a shoulder, and turns back to the sink. He gains several points of respect from JayWon who’ve broken into no-contact applause.</p><p> </p><p>“Ddeonu, I… I’m sorry.” This Hyung father of two bites his lip in guilt, “You’re right. I was wrong to play you like that.” He’s on the right path, but this Park’s also a bird, “You know me though. Maybe don’t wave an invitation to compete?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s mouth flies open, aghast. He imagines Sunoo’s reaction and he’s right.</p><p> </p><p>As predicted, Sunoo whips back with a scandalized, “No! How about you be a<em> real Hyung </em>and don’t bite back at every tease? Be a role model.” He shakes his head and grabs his hyung’s raised arm, “I don’t hate myself like Jake. I know my limits and there’s a side of you I can’t take. Quit being rude and give me time to retrain my brain?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a burn I respect,” he means that for himself and his soulmate. He looks down in shame, then smiles small when he sees his dongsaeng politely fold his sleeves for him, “and boundaries I respect. I don’t mean any harm... but understood. I won’t tease like that anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>Finished folding a sleeve, Sunoo makes grabby hands for the other arm, “Please. I look up to you,” he receives and repeats with sleeve, “Don’t take me for granted. My friendship is a privilege and not everyone can stay close platonic with a former crush.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, Ddeonu!” Sunghoon bends with a breathless laugh.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo cocks an eyebrow, releasing sleeve, “What?”</p><p> </p><p>“You bricked me with déjà vu!” Sunghoon throws his right arm around Sunoo facing away from the sink, “That’s something Jay-ah used to say.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” Sunoo perks up with a proud grin on his face, “I don’t need to know the context, but I will take that compliment!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyebrows jump, wishing he was in the closet to defend himself. Sadly, in focusing on a negative he glosses over the joy in Sunoo’s voice, honored by the comparison. Old habits die hard. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re better than Jay-ah though.” Sunghoon turns that side hug turns into a full embrace, “At least you’ve got the balls part with to your feelings face-to-face.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon blasts Jay a look that says <em>BURNED!!</em> He takes a few steps back from the door to mock and point right at the blonde with his wide beak open. Jay is so close to standing up and scaring the shit out of these gossips with a thunderous ‘YA!’</p><p> </p><p>Then Sunoo pulls back, “Don’t give me that credit. I haven’t.” He twists the tap and lets water run. “I have my own way of saying goodbye. I may never, but I can. Maybe.” those words drawl out with weight, heavy like a loaded gun.</p><p> </p><p>Curious, Sunghoon lilts left, “Is that so?” When his fringe falls over his sight he lets it stay above his eyes. In a deliberate tone, he wonders aloud, “Tell me, how does Kim Sunoo say goodbye?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Sunghoon-ah,” the answer is a haughty scoff, “Push some more and I might,” he folds his arms as if he’s had enough yet dares more. “I’m mutual but I’m not a boyfriend yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?” Sunghoon raises an eyebrow, lip curling with a brazen smirk, “As am I.” </p><p> </p><p>They reach an understanding of the hows and why of this unique bond. How this attraction came to be, why this doesn’t work and how much they’re both alike. It happens at this moment, spoken through a flash of looks like the clash of stray knives.</p><p> </p><p>If JayWon is <em>Ghibli’s</em> Icarus then SunSung would be <em>Disney’s</em> Narcissus.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo shakes his head and leers, “This is my last chance to say goodbye,” his gaze goes low, imagining that metaphoric gun.</p><p> </p><p>“True. Do you need to?” Sunghoon bites his lip in return, leaning a step behind with his feet planted in the fourth position, “No. Do you <em>want </em>to say goodbye?”</p><p> </p><p>“Damnit! You read me right.” He gives a playful chuckle, runs his hand over his own hair, declaring with a chipper huff, “Guess it’s time.”  </p><p> </p><p>The older boy nods and waits for him to feel brave to look him in the eye again. When Sunoo does, he’s met with warmth and acceptance. Sunghoon gets it. He’s had to do this a few times, but not as cordial or with this intimacy and not with someone he cares about as much as he does this boy. It matters to him that Kim Sunoo moves on the way he needs to.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling a burden rise, Sunoo prepares his heart with a last bittersweet smile. “Promise you won’t answer and don’t tell? Please, don’t apologize. Just let me bid you farewell.” Absently, his hands reach for the drawstrings of Sunghoon’s hoodie. </p><p> </p><p>“Promise.” Sunghoon murmurs sincerely, wrapping his fingers around Sunoo’s trembling grip, “I’ll just send you off.” </p><p> </p><p>From the floor and the closet two witnesses have lost the ability to have functioning jaws. Always, game recognizes game and JayWon knows this play. This tone and energy, they’ve been on this same flirtatious bullshit all day. Jay gets it, but isn’t convinced this is happening. Jungwon’s mind is ablaze with confusion. He wants to, but can’t look away. Before he knows it, his phone’s raised up and he’s pressed record. From the floor, Jay pulls down an imaginary lever at the sight of that pointed <em>Samsung Galaxy</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Water runs from the faucet like tears already shed. Sunoo looks like he might cry, but he won’t. That well is dry. With a smile like a sun and a twinkle in his eyes, he takes the only window he’s got, leans into raw honesty, and gifts himself a rare package—complete closure. </p><p> </p><p>Purely for the symbolism of it all, Sunoo turns on the garbage disposal.</p><p> </p><p>To this cacophony of mechanical teeth noshing food waste under running water Sunoo bids a breathless, “Goodbye, my love.” With no regrets, he expresses those feelings with a fleeting kiss on lips he once ached for. This is the first and only time he’ll kiss Sunghoon. It’s chaste yet tender, filled with the last of those feelings and all its ‘what if’s. While he lingers, his feelings don’t. He goes, “Thank you.” and lets go of those drawstrings.</p><p> </p><p>As requested, there is no kiss back and no response to those feelings. It just happens. When Sunoo pulls back, it's Sunghoon who feels emotional. He’s misty but he doesn’t cry either, but he feels <em>actual</em> loss. Nothing sad, the weight of a deep feeling lift. Still, the love remains in a same, but different way.</p><p> </p><p>With a slight blush he says a simple, “Thank you, dear… and goodbye.” He squeezes briefly those hands and turns it into a hearty double handshake, “Treat <em>him</em> well.”</p><p> </p><p>In a blink Sunoo’s mood changes, “I will! Very well, I will. Plus <em>he’s</em> perfect and so much better for me like Hee suits you. No regrets!” He scrunches his nose, shrugs, and raises a fist in enthusiasm. “Would you kindly be a hyung and do the dishes? This dongsaeng’s not feeling like getting hands wet,” he says glib with a flip of the disposal switch.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that why you rolled up my sleeves? You set me up!? I thought you were being sweet?” </p><p> </p><p>“Vengeance for my past self.”</p><p> </p><p>In mock shock, Sunghoon throws a roll of paper towels at the younger boy, “You’re not cute enough to get away with that. You’re not Jungwon! You suck as a dongsaeng Ddeonu.”</p><p> </p><p>Effortlessly, Sunoo catches the roll. “How dare you! You can’t compare me to our literal boss?! You know damn well I take after you, hyung father! I’m as good a dongsaeng as you are a hyung. You suck!” He points the paper towel roll like an accusatory limb.</p><p> </p><p>Tongue in his teeth, Sunghoon makes a clicking sound, and doesn’t fight that fact. They share a low-energy laugh. The older boy takes a sponge, turns on the spout, and starts washing dishes while the younger wipes kitchen surfaces. The adrenaline from that boldness and the satisfaction of catharsis render Sunoo a bit sluggish. He’s coming down from an emotional high, plus residual sedative tea. He acts in slow motion but his mind races. He’s proud of himself.</p><p> </p><p>In the spirit of Spa Day, this event will be bulldozed by several other instances of flirtatious bullshit and emotional trauma. </p><p> </p><p>\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\</p><p> </p><p>The eagle has landed. It is 11:40 at night.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks to Jungwon’s unblinking surveillance JayWon's mission is a success, reuniting in the closet under cover of shenanigans. Seconds into catching those eyes shut, the door swung open, and without a prompt, Jay dove in with an unnecessary but smooth front tumble. After switching from video to photo and a few more rapid shots the closet door falls completely shut. Again, Sunoo’s flair for the dramatic furthers Jay’s romantic agenda. </p><p> </p><p>Once in, Jungwon drops his phone. He tears his backpack from Jay and wraps him in a frantic hold. It’s somewhere between a hug and how a kidnapper would snatch a target off the streets. The energy is that desperate.</p><p> </p><p>Jay responds to this literal clinging with an adoring, “Aww. Missed you too,” keeping in mind he’s got to keep his voice low.</p><p> </p><p>This scene is conceptually cute but it’s got horror movie vibes all over. Jay starts to realize that dissonance with a chill and the shivering on him stresses this mood.</p><p> </p><p>“Same, b-but…!?” Jungwon’s whisper is ominous, “No! Look…” he throws a shaky point to his phone.</p><p> </p><p>The only light in the closet is the glow of a photo gallery. Freaked out by this reaction, the older boy braces himself with an arm around his captor before picking up the device. He guessed but is not prepared for these visuals, emotionally. For JayWon this rings of déjà vu, like the time in the Benz with photos. Again, Jungwon won’t directly look. </p><p> </p><p>Jay audibly gasps, almost screams until he’s breathing in an entire palm through his mouth and nose.</p><p> </p><p>“I KNOW.” Jungwon whisper screams into Jay’s ear, actively shushing. “I thought OUR boundaries were crap. Jay-ah… Are WE normal?” He asks with a full-body shudder.</p><p> </p><p>He has to peel that hand away to respond with a “Wonie, our boundaries ARE crap and no, we are NOT normal. None of us are.” Jay flatly whispers then he gulps. “Oh god, this looks scandalous. This played out too clearly.” Still with an arm around Wonie, he swipes through photos and scrubs the play bar on the video to make sure he sees what he saw, “I <em>fucking</em> called it. What the <em>four</em> happens in twos.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut it off?” he asks with urgency, burying his head onto Jay’s neck, “I can’t look at it?! That’s my dad and I think my brother?”</p><p> </p><p>This <em>Apple</em> user doesn’t know how to shut off a <em>Samsung</em>, so he just sets the device screen down. The session times out, the closet goes completely dark save for the light peeking in from under the door. </p><p> </p><p>Lost and numb, Sheep asks, “Hold me?” while already in a hug.</p><p> </p><p>After ‘psychic’ photographs, a knife pulled on him, beating a man to excess, gaslighting by <em>thing</em>, impulsive underaged drinking, miscellaneous public <em>things</em>, COVID, plus scattered emotional trauma— Kim Sunoo’s farewell might be the thing that <em>actually</em> traumatizes Yang Jungwon. </p><p> </p><p>Jay doesn’t question the redundant request. He won’t undermine authority, says, “Yes sir,” and rewraps his arms in embrace.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the floor rumbles with a single human deer stampede that goes from the balcony all the way down the hall. </p><p> </p><p>“AH!” Heeseung zooms through howling “MY FACE!” at full volume, creating a Doppler effect. “BLANKET!”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?” Jungwon groans, losing his will to have solid bones. “…ugh I look up to him.”</p><p> </p><p>Jake’s in the kitchen too, “…Why do I keep doing stupid things?” he whines from <em>actual</em> dog height. “Why do I keep saying yes to doing stupid things?”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfff.” Jay scoffs, “Little bitch knows exactly why, he plays idiot well too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Too,” in the darkness that lightens Jungwon’s mood, “you idiot. I see you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Woops.”</p><p> </p><p>“BrRRrrr…rRAdi rA-ra rAh!” Niki sounds far away but he’s in the same room. He’s the only one speaking at an appropriate volume.</p><p> </p><p>“What? He’s the one yelling lyric spoilers? I can’t get mad at Niki-ah, he acts right.” At this point, the boy’s just liquid Yang, “This was easier when we were the worst.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Wonie, let’s talk there,” for a brief second Jay shines his iPhone flashlight shines on a bottom rung of hung tops (apparel), “for soundproofing.” </p><p> </p><p>The light goes off before they move.</p><p> </p><p>“Smart. Hey? Ho— oh.” Before he could ask, Jay held his hand, “Thanks, bird.”</p><p> </p><p>“Got you, bee.” bird hyung makes the effort to wink even unseen.</p><p> </p><p>Soon they’re side by side, Jungwon to the left and Jay on the right. They sit behind a row of hoodies and sweaters, legs straight out with their backs to the wall. Heads lean on each other in total darkness, not that it matters but blonde leans on black. Outside fades into a series of murmurs. Sometimes they hear Sunghoon. A right hand laces with a left and a <em>Cartier</em> ring rotates to soothe.</p><p> </p><p>Sheep Garden is lost, “I don’t get it. I like them but I don’t understand why <em>that</em> was.” Truly, he can’t relate to that experience.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, that’s them,” his eyes close to focus on one voice, “You don’t have to know every why.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, but…” thoughts piece together that he doesn’t want, “I am worried.”</p><p> </p><p>Already he knows, “Don’t. That won’t ever be me and Heeseungie. I promise you,” he assures with a touch to that hand playing with his ring.</p><p> </p><p>With a tinge of guilt, he chuckles soft, “How’d you figure?”</p><p> </p><p>“Just feels,” he shrugs, “and I see you.” </p><p> </p><p>The shrug moves his head so he wobbles back to rebuff, “I know I shouldn’t. I trust him, I trust you… and I know you don’t give up until you <em>absolutely</em> do.”</p><p> </p><p>Truth, but it feels like a burn. Jay laughs, “Well, I feel seen?” and ends that laugh with a press of his lips on the back of that hand, “You’re cool, you’re human and I’m flattered.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s shoulders droop. Leader-nim asks his hyung for some wisdom. “Jay-ah, am I being too hard on them to think that wasn’t cool?”</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft!?” The answer is a sputtering spray with so much attitude, “Fuck no, that’s not cool! I’d lose my mind if that was you,” after that emotional burst, Bird comes back to earth with a level headed response, “… but that’s us and our specific morality. Just coz we’re jealous for less doesn’t mean they are. Same how there’s a lot we aren’t bothered with that they wouldn’t do.”</p><p> </p><p>“Call it crimes,” he tries to sound confident but he says this entirely with his head tucked into Jay’s arm, “It’s a good blanket term,” he almost laughs, “Names matter, Jayyy. Aah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Done! Oh, you… Ahahaah,” Jay laughs, slinging an arm over so he tucks into his chest instead, “Check Hyung Line minus me. I side-eye, but they’re unbothered. They’re cool,” another shrug, “I know you look out for Niki, but we don’t know what he accepts.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung, I get what’s up with Sunghoon. He’s a cold slut,” he says matter of fact into the crook of an arm, “What I don’t get is Sunoo. Were we wrong to typecast Sunoo-ya as a rabid jealous type?”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn?! First off: This really bothered you. Wonie that’s your visuals dad and my homie. You dropped the ‘-ie’, the ‘hyung’ and half a ‘-ya’ by proxy. Don’t disrespect him like that, forgive your hyung father?” spoken like a boy who's struggled with real daddy issues, “Names matter and be fair. He’s a shameless flirt not a cold slut,” once again, he proves himself to be a judgmental yet impartial judge, “and what the fuck? What’d I fuck up now to get hyung-ed?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I am bothered! I don’t know why, but I am.” Jungwon finally sees this birddumb facade for what it is. It’s Park Jay’s active poker face. He sees <em>everything</em> too. “Also, no fuck up... but you just passed a snap aptitude test. Congrats! Full marks, Park.” he says as he unlaces his hands in the dark. “Here's a prize.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? What'd I ge—<em>Pfffft!?</em>” Jay gets sidetracked, breaking into a breathy laugh. He stops when he feels an arm go behind his nape. “Aaaah… Hello, you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hi.” Jungwon acts blithe, sat sideways on Jay’s lap, “You were saying?” he asks, casually leaning back.</p><p> </p><p>Jay clocks that tone, takes advantage of the darkness, and cheeses while audibly composed, “Of course. Back to business,” he clears his throat, twists his lips, wraps his arms around his waist, and moves on. “Second: Who the fuck is ‘<em>we</em>’?”</p><p> </p><p>Boss Yang takes advantage of darkness too, “Dongsaeng Line minus Sunoo,” he sinks to lay on Jay’s shoulder, beaming big and stupid when he feels that charm on his left ear touch his forehead.</p><p> </p><p>These idiots have the same dumb look on their faces that neither of them will admit to yet. JayWon in the dark simps hard.</p><p> </p><p>“Basically, I pitched emotional water torture to direct Sunoo’s jealous rage toward Niki-ah. So we developed the finger heart series to supply a low-grade drip of triggers to neg him into possessive romanticism.” Hyung Jungwon lays out his plan with pride.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow! That is SO evil,” Chairperson Park’s hands go cold but his mouth flies open patently impressed, “Props, coz it fucking worked!” he feels great awe for this scheme and deep pity for his friend, “We don’t get to fancy talk as often as we should, but when we do he <em>confides</em>. Sunoo had jealous leanings but he wasn’t rabid. Now he’s INSANE.” For the -enth time that day, Jay’s mouth rests somewhere between a grimace and a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Good! Nice to know we met target goals.” Yang Leader nods, self-satisfied. “I appreciate that validation. That project took a lot of pre-preplanning.” </p><p> </p><p>“Third, you might be the only one to assume he was already that way. Show canon’s clear how hard fancy Fox was for prince Penguin. That tea soaked Ground.” He takes a beat for emphasis and also to frown hard at a thought, “They called him Hoon-Whip.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon gasps, “Woah! Jay, SUS!?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sus! He loved it?” Jay starts a breathy laugh, resting his chin on a head of hair, “… because he gave himself that nickname.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of fucking course!” his scoff blooms into a breathy laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“That thing in the kitchen acted out like a drama. Sunoo’s probably has a few drafts of that script on his note app and for damn sure a mood playlist for it too. He does that all the time and he needs a soundboard. Ship, he’s sent me so many scenario scripts for Niki and I will die before I read any of them because why?”</p><p> </p><p>“What? We have to share!”</p><p> </p><p>“No. I don’t need that entropy bouncing around the hive mind.” Jay stands his ground while being sat on and sitting down. </p><p> </p><p>“Email me one someday or I’m breaking into your phone.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s your mental health, Wonie... but you’re the boss.” Jay nods, threading an arm through that hoodie pouch like a sleeve, “Anyway, so he talks crushlife with me about Niki, but who do you think he talked to about throughout that era of crushlife with Sunghoon?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon gasps again, “Niki! He’s the only one that could see that through. Ship? This makes sense.”</p><p> </p><p>“Niki’s seen that mountain from the jump. When he was only Jake-tall, that fetus looked at Kim Sunoo and decided ‘meh, lemme go moonwalk up this practically vertical slope and dethrone a Prince Charming type’— and he did it! I shit you not, Sunoo is FANCY for Niki.” Jay nods with a knowing that ripples through the rack of clothes, “He could be the jealous type, but Hoon-Whip is a Sunoo he <em>knows</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“The balls on that boy.” Hyung Jungwon says in awe. “Brazen. Good for him, I guess?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, no ship. Maybe he likes the thrill of a challenge? Sunoo probably talked his ear off about Hoon when they shared a bed the first time. Kid probably knows how he wanted to say goodbye.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s some Shim Jake romantic masochism... yikes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you think Niki tagged you specifically to workshop with?”</p><p> </p><p>“Age is the peasant answer, but it’s …give me a drumroll please?”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you want to clarify how you wanted that drumroll or...?” Jay trails off begging for a callback.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately for Jaybird, Jungwon’s a cat now and a feline does not respond to that needy energy. </p><p> </p><p>“Nope. Forget the drumroll.” he shakes his head, “The answer is superior social engineering skills, a.k.a. my sick mind.” he means sick both as a compliment and a pejorative.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww...” Jay tilts in a disappointed droop but perks back up with a, “but, yes Boss! Jungwonie, he pulled out a nuclear option enlisting you. Getting to Sunoo with jealousy via weaponizing that big sexy brain is overkill. That’s asking J.A.R.V.I.S. to spellcheck!” he coughs superfluously. “Our maknae’s no saint. He didn’t aim to break Sunoo down like a regular predator, he wanted psychological vivisection. That's Mengele levels of intent. That’s why you. He’s neutral evil too! As a couple of madlads, you had to work together to craft this monster. I know Sunoo’s grown consistently ill for Niki. So... Congratulations, Jungwonie. You helped kneecap a hyung, emotionally.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay searches for Jungwon’s hand in the darkness to give him a long, theatric handshake but it’s almost impossible for that to happen given the logistics of this lap hug. Still, they find a way to make it happen with Jungwon’s left hand and Jay’s right hand still threaded through the hoodie pouch. It’s awkward, the whole hoodie moves but it works and Jay won’t quit the ‘handshake’ until he hears an acceptance speech.</p><p> </p><p>“Yang Jungwon, how do you feel now that you know you’ve played an active part in enslaving a teammate through emotional dependency?” Human interest reporter Park asks his person of interest.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. I don’t know what to say other than I feel pride?” Carl Jungwon takes his accolades snickering as his whole top moves in this silly handshake, “This was a global effort. I’d like to thank my Creative Partner Nishimura-san for this opportunity to test my theory that yes, you can trap a fox with cerebral corrosion. I die a proud hyung knowing my dongsaeng’s mastered the fine art of manipulation. It was an honor to mentor him. He deserves all the praise. Thank you to big boss Bang and thank you JaySus. This one’s for you, <em>White Stilton</em>. Rest in cheeses.” he kisses two fingers and salutes in respect.</p><p> </p><p>“Well said! I'm touched you remembered my cheese,” Jay ends the handshake with some mild resentment, “I’m still salty about that. I am savory.”</p><p> </p><p>LapWonie laughs at his misery, “Pfff!? You still pouting about that?” he teases.</p><p> </p><p>Fancy Hyung with the dead cheese nods, “M-hm,” committing to pout so hard that he won’t have words break this pout.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, stay pouty.” Using the faint sound of the charm he finds Jay’s ear, traces down his jawline to the edge of his chin. Then with the edge of his pointer, tilts that chin up and leaves a crisp peck on the pout. “Thanks for calming me down,” He means to pull back, but he returns for another short and crispy on that pout, “and leaving me with a smile always.”</p><p> </p><p>While he’s close Jay responds in kind, “Pleasure’s all mine,” and takes a third smooch with a sound, reaching for the back of his neck with a light touch.</p><p> </p><p>Now it’s that hovering warmth of that hand that lures away from Jungwon from leaning out, so he leans back in with a fourth honey crisp kiss to even the count. </p><p> </p><p>He asks close in that space between mouths. “Hey... pretty bird,” Already he’s grinning at how stupid he’s about to sound, but why not. They’ve leaned into stupider things and this is just pleasant dumb. “Call me a bee?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay laughs, but it's mostly air sounds. That has to be the dumbest, cutest thing he’s heard coming from this smart boy. He has to pull himself together, but his cheeks hurt from withholding laughter. </p><p> </p><p>Now it’s Wonie’s turn to cringe in a pout. “I know?! Corny.”</p><p> </p><p>“I fucking like corn!” Jay cheeses at this truth, “I love corn.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, good for corn!” he starts to meme, “Invite me to the wedding. Dibs on best man? I’ll bring the knife and kids...” but as it progresses it starts to feel like self-harm, “and I made myself jealous of food. Wow.” and now he's got a deeper pout.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfff?!” Prince of Corns Park Jay briefly loses his mind, imagining this terrible wedding day to—not a cob—but a can of corn wearing a veil. In his mind's eye, he sees Tuxedo Jungwon in with a well-dressed knife, and their teammates with toddler bodies in tow barging through church doors right as he and Corn are about to exchange vows.</p><p> </p><p>“Ahaha! Aah… Aww, shush.” he licks his lips and waits to tilt when he breathes a “Wonie bee,” with a kiss that teases out that pout. “Honey bee,” then a smooch that’s as sweet as it sounds, then a “bae bee?” </p><p> </p><p>That sends both of them into a fit of breathless giggles.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jay apologizes between chuckles, “That was so dumb and too close to baby?”</p><p><br/>
Still laughing, Jungwon runs a hand through his hair and rests an elbow on Jay’s shoulder. “Pffft, I heard that space,” he sighs as he breathes out, “I’ll allow it.” A gracious pardon, as he comes in for a kiss again but with a slightly parted mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Naturally, this moment is interrupted, because this is happening in a closet inside the home of five other teenage boys on possibly the most chaotic day of their domestic life. No one who lives here can have nice things for more than a few minutes at a time. </p><p> </p><p>A shrill sheik cuts through fabric soundproofing like a knife, “Do NOT fuck with me HYUNG!” It’s Sunoo, popping the fuck off. The sound of a fist striking particle board follows, “I’VE GOT A WEAK HEART AND <em>NO ONE IS SAFE </em>FROM MY <b><em>WRATH</em></b>.”</p><p> </p><p>For no real reason, JayWon comes to the conclusion that Sunoo is freaking out at Sunghoon, being the only other voice they've heard speaking. On any other day, they would've guessed the culprit was Jake.</p><p> </p><p>Yang-deo’s thrown completely. “Is this whole day just a test of my loyalty to Sunghoonie hyung?” he says with a deadness, feeling a headache coming on.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s falls out of it too. He grimaces, “I love how he was just making out with that dude he’s yelling at,” he starts off sarcastic then he realizes that’s his truth. “Peak duality.”</p><p> </p><p>“That is not what happened. Did you see the vid?”</p><p> </p><p>“Scrubbed, so I can scrub it from my MIND.”</p><p> </p><p>“Closed mouth, no moves like in ancient anime. If that was making out then I’d hate to label what we do.”</p><p> </p><p>In the dark, they're overcome with a violent spiritual cringe.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” suddenly Jay sounds like he’s talking from behind his hand, “I hate this conversation.”</p><p> </p><p>“Same,” and Jungwon sounds like he’s talking with an active frown, “and now I know that memory is my Sunghoon’s Shampoo.” </p><p> </p><p>“On the bright side, we’re still really close on a platonic level.”</p><p> </p><p>“For sure. That’s real… and that pisses me off. You still got your phone?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. What’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>In a huff Jungwon crawls out of lap and announces, “I need a rage nap and I don’t know where the fuck my phone is,” his sentences grow short, as does his tone, “Give me ten. Wake me to horse.” and he leaves.</p><p> </p><p>Jay hears the sound of hangers sliding on a clothes rack and feels Jungwon’s presence disappear.</p><p> </p><p>He craws out from between parted hung tops asking, “Where’d you go?”</p><p> </p><p>“Horizontal.” the answer comes from somewhere on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Got room for one more?” Bird chirps.</p><p> </p><p>Cat growls, “It’s a floor.”</p><p> </p><p>“My god, you are ANGRY.” he fights the urge to laugh to not further aggravate.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut the fuck up, hyung. Imma yeet outta consciousness now.”</p><p> </p><p>Not even trying to resist temptation, Park hits iFlashlight to get a glimpse of his favorite sleeping face. Instead, he gets a scene fresh out of true crime minus blood spatter and knife. Jungwon’s splayed on the floor hoodie up with zero finesse and his limbs scattered. </p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, what the hell? Face down?” The tone is scolding, but he’s on the camera app taking a few pictures. He’ll photoshop in a chalk outline for future memes.</p><p> </p><p>Deadwon mumble screams to the floor, “Fuck if I care? It’s a ten-minute nap?!” the voice shakes in anger but is completely unmoving.</p><p> </p><p>The flashlight goes off and iPhone goes on the floor. Everything is black once more and Jay starts to plan swift moves like a nocturnal bird on the hunt. </p><p> </p><p>“Not on my watch,” Jay says devoid of irony. He’s in a kneel and takes a beat to readjust to the dark, keen of spatial awareness.</p><p> </p><p>“He says in darkness,” the body on the floor scoffs with omnipresent narration, “WoA—?!” </p><p> </p><p>That ‘woah’ gets capped by a soft palm. Jaybird’s just turned raptor. From that kneel he swoops in, reaching under that hoodie with a left hand to the younger boy’s mouth. While his right arm gathers upper limbs and a torso, he uses his left elbow to set himself to recline. Then he moves that body with a fluid roll left, while his right hand smooths down to gather knees. Jungwon finds himself once again on Jay’s lap but laying down. The older boy curled himself in, head in the space between neck and shoulder. Now that those knees are over his thighs, his arm goes back to wrap around that waist. </p><p> </p><p>Master Tactician Park lives up to his title, arranging his boss into a cozy cuddle with tactile prowess. This setup was swift and it feels like they fit just right. Full marks for Park.</p><p> </p><p>Boss Yang’s eyes are wide open in the dark, smiling with his mouth in a subscript ‘v.’ He is so much more comfortable and it's not just because before this he was laying face down to anger nap. His arm pillow feels luxurious and the warmth of this cuddle completely envelopes his heart.</p><p> </p><p>He closes his eyes, leans his head right while his arms lightly cross to curl around Jay’s hand and his elbow. </p><p> </p><p>Overcome with gratitude, he gives “Tha—”</p><p> </p><p>“Shh,” but he’s shushed by a voice on his neck with an affectionate, “Sleep, Sheep.” </p><p> </p><p>The pillow arm moves and the hand finds his phone. Jungwon looks over, seeing the glow of the screen behind his closed eyes. He sees Jay type in his passcode.</p><p> </p><p>He’s hit with a pleasant shock that comes out a breathless, “Oh…” </p><p> </p><p>Jay sets the alarm, says, “Catch you horse after ten,” and nuzzles in.</p><p> </p><p>A surge of liquid emotion swells from the younger boy’s chest, he cuddles closer, draping a hand over the older boy’s cheek. He almost says it but decides not yet. He’ll wait a little longer than Horse after Ten and he closes his eyes to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>What makes him feel this teal about Jay? The bird math. The passcode. A two-digit difference. The last two digits differ. 20 is his and it's 09 for Jay but the first four are the exact same. He knows their why is the same. </p><p> </p><p>Once again, Jungwon finds himself thinking the phrase, <em>Same, but different.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hahahahaha I hahaha<br/>uh 😬 not sorry 😛 Maybe?</p><p>I'm gonna keep pulling a Spa Day on chapter math. If you know, you know. Here in Pause Mode numbers are aesthetic but they're meaningful and everything counts. The only math that matters chapter-wise is that no matter what, we cover <b>3AM to 3AM</b>.</p><p>Thank you to everyone who's been gracious enough to support me with kind comments, reads and kudos. I finger heart you so much that I find myself resenting that gesture isn't an emoji yet. From the depths of my SOUL, I thank you so much for your continued patronage. </p><p>Every part of Pause Mode pet project has been a beloved Lyla, a Layla, a Lejla. I've added a fourth a Leila with Enough Flirtatious Bullshit, a one-shot Heart Day weekend gift to my fellow Heehoonists / SungSeungtologists. Check it out if you miss that brand of aggressive sweetness.</p><p>Thank you again for reading. 🍏✨</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Borld’s West.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>JayWon get hit with déjà vu and jamais vu.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You what’s a good song? Can’t Stop Me by Twice. I can’t stop listening to Can’t Stop Me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jay falls asleep as soon after he cuddles in, but nap time never happens for Jungwon. Eyes closed, he buzzes with bird math on the brain. For a few moments, all he can hear is the rate of his pulse and Jay’s slow steady breath. Too many feelings pile up, so he expands his focus to listen to another Park.</p><p> </p><p>From the closet floor, Sunghoon’s diffused tone like the kitchen’s fluorescents leak in through the gap beneath the door. He speaks at a pale, washed-out volume. It takes focus to pick out his story. </p><p> </p><p>Not a problem for a smart boy with intent.  </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon ends up hearing Sunghoon’s version of Jay’s dream, not that there was much to tell. He hears about the balcony, his name, his hyung father’s concern for his best <em>actual</em> friend, and the deafening significance of a terrifying dream unshared.</p><p> </p><p>He almost laughs aloud when he hears Jake scoff, “The disrespect.”</p><p> </p><p>Whatever points Sunghoon lost he gains back in full and then some. This son of two hyungs forgives his visuals father for his cold bird moves, remembering he’s just a person and a bag of stray knives. He's floored by how well Hoon-ah sees Jay-ah. The compassion in his voice, and that gentle suggestion to take a day off out—away from everyone—to make time to think gets him tilting in an ‘aww,’ emotionally.</p><p> </p><p>“…I hope he went and did something cool today and thought about things.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He did. We did.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo chimes in with affection he’s only heard about. He listens, realizing why so much time and effort went into hunting for a souvenir for this fancy lad dongsaeng. Deep respect. SunJay’s mutual investment goes beyond material interest. This fondness makes much more sense. His heart swells hearing Jay described with so much animated warmth. For that reason, Sunoo endears himself, squashing seeds of undue distrust that threatened to sprout. </p><p> </p><p>JaySun are kind of the same but different. Both extra, fancy, and for what. He gets that kindred spirit because of parallels he sees in his alliance with Heeseung. </p><p> </p><p>As if on cue, he hears “Yeah, that’s a hundred percent Jongseong.” That gentle timbre sweet with nostalgia is his dear deer reliable Lee Heeseung. “Once upon a time, we used to be so much closer. I miss those days…”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon looks up on reflex. All he sees is the glow of a fluorescent line but he picks up on familiar melancholy, a tell from his favorite <em>actual</em> hyung. At the start of their friendship, he noticed what was under that smile, this easy charm, and the humor. A deflection from a solemn undertone, and the persistent glaze over his eyes. Jungwon knew that life. They share an archetype and a profound inner sadness. Heeseung recognized his game. From then on they were bonded. That’s why ‘prime.’</p><p> </p><p>This young leader’s heart cracks, knowing those bittersweet words hide behind a smile.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, Jay’s phone vibrates in his hand. In the dark, in a blur, Jungwon shuts off the timer before that horse could neigh. </p><p> </p><p>It's Horse After Ten and Jungwon’s attention comes back in the closet again. </p><p> </p><p>The older boy stirs with a lazy “Mmm?” snuggled into Yang shoulder. Park iPhone slips out hand and arms wrap, zeroing-out space between. He’s half-asleep with his face buried so deep that lips almost skim neck.</p><p> </p><p>Although Jungwon doesn’t tickle, something in this unlit mood, the adjusted contact, that change of pace in breathing, and the sound of nap-fresh hyung tickles. Emotionally. He smiles huge in tiny, remembers bird math, and feels himself fall again.</p><p> </p><p>A hand reaches to tangle into blonde with a polite murmur, “Hey? Jay-ah, horse after ten.” For no reason other than to explore texture, fingers end up idling by the shaved undercut behind his head.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t hear horse,” Jay says low and hoarse into neck, “I felt buzz. After ten doesn't count, Wonie bee.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon fends off a blush, offended for math and his neck. He’d shake his head but it's hot, that breath. So he makes an effort to ruffle feathers. </p><p> </p><p>He pours a faded whisper right into his ear. “I had to,” he gets closer, adding air to speech, “They’re right outside the door.” turning down to decimal point decibels in volume for reasons. One, discretion. Two, revenge. Three, the id knows this works.</p><p> </p><p>Instantly the grip of this hyung’s hug seizes. </p><p> </p><p>Teaser-nim beams toothy at this successfully passed on fluster.  <em>Gotcha!  </em></p><p> </p><p>Jay seethes through clenched teeth, “You,” he mutters with severity, “silly,” fingers on gripping fabric with unsteady restraint, “<em>stupid</em> boy.” The punctuation is a growl.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no!” a giggling whisper squeak response. </p><p> </p><p>This caged bird’s about to beast. A hand goes flat on Sheep’s chest with a pressured knead over cloth, fingers spread, and a thumb curls in under his collar. Jay was trying to behave like a proper hyung and keep this nap wholesome despite proximity. Actively, he’s resisted each time he was enticed by the smoothness of this neck. A feat sans Park SHampoo. This raptor decides now is the time to take. </p><p> </p><p>Too bad that’s not his call to make. </p><p> </p><p>When the halo of one hyung father’s protection wanes, the other picks up. </p><p> </p><p>The sound of unbroken ceramic dropping on wood interrupts with a full-lunged, “WHAT?” from Lee Heeseung.</p><p> </p><p>In shock, Jay halts, leans out, and bends up at the waist. He rests on an elbow glaring at the door with malice. Jungwon stays down, weak with a fit of mute, open-mouthed giggles. </p><p> </p><p>It’s all darkness and whisper screams for JayWon from here on out.</p><p> </p><p>“Da<em>a</em>mn,” Heeseung’s son can’t stop laughing, visualizing the look on Jay’s face, “Intercepted by hyung dad prime!” </p><p> </p><p>“How did he know?” Jay wonders aloud with his tongue in his teeth, “It’s like he sees me?” but he falls into silent laughter as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, the injustice.” Sheep’s head rolls in a tilt, “Seriously, this energy is ‘Don’t touch my son.’ I can’t?! Ahaha—<em>phf!</em>” Despite censorship by hand he snickers out his nose, “pfff!”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck that meme!” this tone is 9% amused, 17% offended, and 20% R.A.S. “As if I’d listen,” he says in the remaining percentage: defiance. “At this point, <em>I can’t stop me</em>.” The last four words with come with rock chic swagger AND is spoken in English.</p><p> </p><p>Unfortunately, Jungwon is still drunk and in a silly mood. Those words in English trigger a mode that isn’t easy to break out of. Ironic, he shares this quirk with Heeseung. </p><p> </p><p>Lying on the floor he spontaneously sings in <em>TWICE</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t stop me, can’t stop me! No, Woah, Woah” </p><p> </p><p>This taunt comes with upper-body dancing and hand gestures that deliberately paw at different parts of Jay’s face. For full effect, he exercises a complete lack of coordination.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you fucking with me?” </p><p> </p><p>The light from under the door reflects a sheepish gleam of teeth on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, you’re fucking horrible!”</p><p> </p><p>Now he’s not even trying to hide the fact that he’s snickering and shamelessly continues with the rap line. </p><p> </p><p>“Risky risky wiggy 위기, This is an emergency”</p><p> </p><p>“This WILL BE an emergency!” Jaybird whisper-caws a declaration of intent, “I will eat you ALIVE!” </p><p> </p><p>Unbothered by the threat and living to provoke he continues with Dahyun’s verse.</p><p> </p><p>“Help me, help me, somebody stop m—<em>mphf?”</em></p><p> </p><p>These lyrics are taken literally and the rest of that verse is snatched by a heavy beak. Sheep is prey. Pray for Sheep Garden.</p><p> </p><p>Poor boy didn’t see this coming—literally because neither of them tried to touch anything other than smartphones and dumb boys. They could've felt up a light switch too. These teens.</p><p> </p><p>True to himself, Jay will attempt to conquer this setback <em>in the face</em> with tactile tenacity and multilingual passion. Now that this bird’s been egged on by a paternal memes and for some reason <em>TWICE</em>. His intention to flirt with a warning against reckless teasing takes a sharp left. Swept into the darkness, this almost <em>Escalades</em>.</p><p> </p><p>While both are keen that the entire team’s outside this paper door, this terrifying turn of events may be developing into JayWon’s kind of fun. This is consistent with their character and their garbage boundaries.</p><p> </p><p>However, no amount of defiance or tenacity can stop a hyung father’s omnipresence.</p><p> </p><p>“…That Jongseong? Park Jongseong?!” Heeseung balks, incredulous.</p><p> </p><p>Jaybird’s flown full-speed into a pane of glass. “Really?!” he whisper screams, “My legal name? My <em>actual</em> Korean name.” He is offended by this incidental personal attack, “Am I being called out?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon sits up abruptly at a 90º angle from the floor, releasing a gunmetal buckle he’s dangerously close to crushing with inhuman grip strength. “Leggo, bird. We snoop,” he says shoving off, “I need to know how much of everyone’s personal allowance to cut.”</p><p> </p><p>The vocal venom endears, “Aww. Harsh.” </p><p> </p><p>“Shush.” a cat’s hiss.</p><p> </p><p>JayWon get low, close to the door, peeking underneath the gap, laying on their stomachs on the floor. If anyone walked in the closet their heads would be doorstops.</p><p> </p><p>“No! Park Jay? The blonde with angry bird call?” The surprise in Heeseung’s voice is dyed with curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>“Why is this gossip so personal?” defeated, Jay recoils into a fetal position.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, that other Park, our Jay-ah.” Sunghoon’s flat affect twists with the audible curl of a smile, “He had it really BAD for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“That bird! I thought we were friends?” Jay whisper screams into his knees in betrayal, “Best <em>actual</em> friends? Frigid!” and now he’s bitter.</p><p> </p><p>Wonie scoots over to mock up close, “Pfft! You Park hyungs <em>are</em> birds,” he almost drapes over in a hug but picks up a detail, “Wait, Hyungie didn’t know? You were <em>so</em> obvious... it broke my heart.” and now he's bitter.</p><p> </p><p>In character, Jay sees the negative and misses a point. “Thanks. I get it.” there’s a transparent amount of self-pity in this tone. “I don’t give a fuck about it anymore, but yeah. I was <em>that</em> deep in the friend zone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sucks, I guess?” feeling jilted but amused with his suffering, Wonie gives the worst head pats on purpose. “There, there.”</p><p> </p><p>These are terrible and each finger hits at an inconsistent rate like little low-energy sub-slaps to the skull.</p><p> </p><p>Jay gets a face full of uncoordinated fingers. “What is this.” He is confused, “Sympathy?” </p><p> </p><p>“No. This is me dunking on you,” like the shit-stirrer he is, he shoves Jay’s head into his knees with a “Yeet!” and scurries.</p><p> </p><p>“Son of a—?!” Aggravated, Jay sits upright, dabbing around for signs of life, "Where’d you go?” He finds an ankle, “Ha! Gotcha!”</p><p> </p><p>To be fair, Wonie wasn’t trying too hard to hide. He could’ve blurred easy, stealthily hopped up on a dresser, but he wanted to be found. It’s more fun this way. </p><p> </p><p>“Eeep!?” he’s snatched in mid-crawl. With a knee on the ground, he stays stable until Jay grabs his other ankle tugging him down. Lucky for them, he’s trained to fall with discretion.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, this cat is face down on the floor again. Jay climbs on top, finds his arms, and pins him with a two-step assault. Jungwon’s left arm gets jerked around back, like a perp about to be cuffed while his right arm stays bent at the elbow, clasped to the ground by the wrist. The older boy releases the limb twisted back and flips this body to lay over forearm. A grip stays on that wrist. From a hover, Jay takes a seat, smug.</p><p> </p><p>“This is no way to treat your boss!” Leader-nim objects in a stage whisper, stunned by this blatant act of insubordination.</p><p> </p><p>Jay smirks, leaning into objective personal space, “True.” he says, criminally smooth, “Not a bad way to treat my man though.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Bae bee blue screens at the implication with a raised body temperature from a fierce flash fluster.</p><p> </p><p>Silence sets, neither sure what to do, afraid to fall further into darkness. Already they've been close but there comes a point where those who play with knives second guess. They teeter on the brink, knowing once they go there, they might not come back. Maybe they pause to wait for a hyung father’s say.</p><p> </p><p>However, momentum is a beast.</p><p> </p><p>Unable to resist, he repeats, “... your man?” Is this a question? A request? Who knows, but it's said with ragged breath.</p><p> </p><p>The mood is a field of landmines.</p><p> </p><p>The intimate response is an affirmative expression and possessive pronoun. “Yeah, man. Mine.” </p><p> </p><p>Velvet Australian cuts through the tension just in time with an excited, “I’d use the word boy, but BOY, do I ever!” </p><p> </p><p>This interruption mortifies in the best possible way. Humor pulls them back from the edge of sanity. They thank god for Shim Jake flinging them into a wholesome laugh. Jay lets go of Jungwon’s wrist, takes that hand like a bro, and helps him sit up. </p><p> </p><p>The younger boy wraps his arms around an equally temperature hot hyung sitting on his lap with a quiet giggle. “That got weird, quick!” he buries his face into cashmere.</p><p> </p><p>Vibrating with a breathless chuckle, Jay returns the embrace with an arm draped around that back and a hand this head resting on his chest. “I’m adding fourth wall commentary to my reasons to kill Jake,” he says with a dissonant fondness.</p><p> </p><p>“What else did he Jake up?” he asks with his cheek on a chest.</p><p> </p><p>He answers with a chin on a head, “You know my father’s fedora?”</p><p> </p><p>He pulls back with a sputtering, “Pfft! RIP Jake.”</p><p> </p><p>“I see your teeth.” he hears this grimace as a smile. He’s right.</p><p> </p><p>It is a Cheshire Cat smile, “Kill him. For us.”</p><p> </p><p>“I will.” Jay holds this leading man in his arms with the intensity of a classic Hollywood protagonist, “With kindness, I will.”</p><p> </p><p>That human conversational tangent was enough to deescalate. Sat in reverse of how they were in the’Scalade bird and cat remain wholesome. This pure content gives room for a Penguin’s musing to waddle in.</p><p> </p><p>A sentimental Sunghoon maps out his relation to this Park, “That’s why we clicked instantly and got to be so tight, trainee stuff and work ethic compatibility aside.” That sweetness has JayWon in tiny smiles until the mood divides with the next sentence. “Suddenly catching each other hard for the same dude—”</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo screeches to edit, “LANGUAGE FATHER,” right as Jungwon loses his shit with his mouth on a shirt and Jay loses a functioning spine, melting into arms.</p><p> </p><p>“Finally,” he teases through fabric giggles, “the <em>real</em> origin story of Sunghoonie hyung’s power over you!”</p><p> </p><p>“Metaphorically hard?! I nev—” with boneless wings, he protests…</p><p> </p><p>… but is discredited by the spokesperson of team logic, “Have you not heard him speak today?! He was thirsty for water!” This fox sounds like he's gone red with panic, “What does he MEAN by HARD?!”</p><p> </p><p>“See? Apostrophes knows that’s bullshit.” He tries to give a boop on the nose that ends up flattening a stiff flared nostril, “Oof, buddy. You got called out!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes the syllables off broad shoulders with a, “Don’t you fucking buddy me, you—!”</p><p> </p><p>“—realizing we developed those feelings at around the same time,” unfazed by interruption, Sunghoon continues.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah! Hoon! Aww,” Jay feels like a protected Park, “Homie defended my virtue? Birddamnit, I love him.” he is touched. “Good man, that slut.”</p><p> </p><p>“I live for this elemental bird ship, but also what the fuck!?”</p><p> </p><p>Hoon resumes, “… and there was someone else that begun to really catch his eye,”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie...!” Heeseung gasps with canon recognition.</p><p> </p><p>“Well that was fun,” that’s when Yang Garden shuts off, “but I’m good on eavesdropping now.” Gently, he pushes Jay away and heads further into the closet.</p><p> </p><p>Pushed off, he’s thrown off. “Really?” Bird hyung asks, confused by the mood shift, “Hey, Jungwonie… What’s up, bee?” He clasps that wrist before he loses him completely.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I don’t want to hear this part outside my head? I like him, I don’t want to feel bitter,” he admits with a lump in his throat, “and I know you well. That’s enough.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay feels those hard feelings through someone else's heartbreak. He stops hearing what's said outside because of how much doesn’t care for this within the hive mind.</p><p> </p><p>He holds this face, brushes across his cheek to find lips with his fingertips. When he does, they brush with a shadow of a kiss. It’s hesitant and sad, an apology for a frown. So he leans in to nip with a sound like a chirp. He pecks at it again, a puckered nudge, still that curve doesn't ease out. So he takes a longer route. He covers his ears, kisses a cheek, and holds the space on the plush that mouth. Not much of a touch but it's patient.</p><p> </p><p>Patience soothes the pout. The hands over his ears tune everyone out. On his own, the younger boy yields with a proper kiss. Jay won’t resist a few more of these simple pleasures. These short-lipped exchanges are sweet and heartfelt felt. This energy is so different from those passionate flickers they choose to cap. It’s affection without the edge, no desperation or that underlying terror that entices. It’s the same but different. Just the same, each little kiss felt with the entirety of their heart all of themselves. </p><p> </p><p>Everything fades into the black and a phantom in the hive mind takes over.</p><p> </p><p>He pulls away to touch that face. Kneeling up, he smells his hair. <em>Tom Ford’s</em> faded away, now it's just <em>Eau de Everyday Jay</em>. Admittedly, a weird quirk, but it's dark, he’s still drunk, he missed this and he doesn’t care. Without cologne, he’s fucking fabulous. He kisses his crown and indulges in that luxury.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie?” a fog settles over Jay. For some reason, he sheds a few tears. It stops when he notices. Why is unclear. Something in the way he’s held, that intake of breath, and a careless touch over his cheekbone triggers a sequence. </p><p> </p><p>The same thing happens to Jungwon. His eyebrows knot in compassion, but he doesn’t know what for. It’s not until he feels tears that this feeling finds a reason.<em> Did he cry? Why? </em>He is totally lost when he catches himself licking his thumb.</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” The word comes out before it registers, “Salty…?” he wonders if this is him malfunctioning drunk.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes go wide. He’s confused but he softens and his hands slide down to touch those wrists, acting out a scene without the surge of emotion.</p><p> </p><p>Things they might’ve already lived happen, they’re unsure. If so, none of this exists in the right order. Motions disconnect from emotion and actively disorient.</p><p> </p><p>Neither of them says anything, processing whatever this is. </p><p> </p><p>Then Jungwon does something that makes no conceptual sense yet clicks. He gets close to a spot he can’t see, drawn by the ghost of a memory. That birthmark on Jay’s neck. He feels like he should, but he won’t—bite. Pursing his lips as if to whistle, he blows a sharp. </p><p> </p><p>That quick spurt of air sends Jay shuddering. Something left falls right, he knows. To him, the signals in the dark read clear but he struggles to compose a statement. What can he say?</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy retracts slow, unnerved with what he’s done and what it means. He has a guess, he’s right but it makes no sense. Unable to match this to reason, he dismisses the thought but it gives him an idea, to say something of a similar shade, but first... Revenge.</p><p> </p><p>Out of nowhere, he clotheslines a seated Jay with the impact of a whole arm to his chest. It doesn’t hurt but it knocks him down. Although he doesn’t have far before he hits ground, Boss Yang catches him with an outstretched arm. Jay finds himself laying face up, a boy sandwiched between hoodie sleeves. His beak is a subscript ‘v.’</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah,” he says, resting his forehead on a cashmere shoulder, “I feel like I’ve known you all my life.” </p><p> </p><p>That beak spreads into a crooked smile, “Me too. This feels right, with you.” His hands come up to curl around the arm over his chest, “Even when we're apart,” and he decides to just come out and say, “my dreams have you.”</p><p> </p><p>This doesn’t seem right, but it feels right. He’ll admit what his logical mind denies, “You’re in mine. I don’t <em>know</em>, but I always feel you in mine.” He cuddles in, hooks on his shoulder with his chin, and sighs, “Though I only saw you the last two times.”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy’s heart starts to pound out his chest. This does but it doesn’t that those details make sense. Of course, he’s only seen him twice. He’s always stayed behind until he tried to jump. Every night he watched him on that ledge until that move. Jay isn’t scared, he is terrified of what this is, this connection, what he feels, and this meme of the hive mind. It’s too much, too soon. This is why his dreams remained without an ear to confide in, but this is the time. Now is later. This is time.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re in mine,” he rolls over to his side and breathes a confession, “All the time. Every time. Jungwonie, I’ve seen you every night.” and he draws him into a clinging embrace, “Every single night since Borld’s West.” </p><p> </p><p>That admission, this embrace, this warmth takes the Yang Garden’s breath away. He clings back in this hug. Borld’s West, that slip of the tongue, that day, the beginning of this life. He has an answer but once said, will things spoil as they do when things grow too much too soon? So he says nothing.</p><p> </p><p>This was jamais vu—literally, unseen. Without sight, they sent signals only they knew. No need for words. It's clear, across countless nights, this <em>is</em> déjà vu.</p><p> </p><p>Once again, Shim Jake. </p><p> </p><p>“Heeseungie hyung!” he booms with the most amount of bro energy, “Jay literally likes your son!” he announces, thrilled and screaming, “That’s bold!” his voice nearly squeaks, “Then he backs off the father to be with his son?!” and now he squeaks. The enthusiasm lays on thick when he practically swoons to declare, “That is <em>italic!!</em>” </p><p> </p><p>JayWon devolve into a silent shaking giggle puddle on the closet floor. Jake’s cartoonish narration, the screaming, the squeaking, the apparent affection hits them hard. As fuck, they are charmed. That velvet shipping label is adhesive and his humorous delivery sticks. Who wouldn’t be enamored hearing him fawn? Previously side-eyed, Jakey earns heart eyes on the low with the knowledge that puppies are easily excited. Although loved, he'll get treated like bitch until fully disciplined.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon tries to get up and fails. He laughs so hard he balls up, curls into knees, unable to speak. All he can think is the phrase ‘Son of a bitch, he Jaked us off again.’ The pun’s too funny to him, he can’t even. The words never leave his mouth but it keeps replaying in his mind each time he tries to get up and he spirals, spiritually tickled. He balls up, trying to silence himself with knees.</p><p> </p><p>Jay has his mouth in his hands, he tears out of the laugh loop first with a statement, “Aaaah, I heard that respect,” He titters, sitting up, “We’ll take that, Jakethy.” </p><p> </p><p>“Damnit! I fucking love Shim Jake.” Jungwon utters pure appreciation into knees.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck?!” Jay whisper screams, manually trying to unravel this bee from his knees. “How?! I’m gonna kill him!” </p><p> </p><p>“Now you feel my beef with corn! Remember that resentment!” Nyang Jungwon puts up a superficial fight, like a cat, all claws and bites, “Jake is my steak to your corn!”</p><p> </p><p>Ultimately, Jay succeeds and earns himself a fluffy cat curled up on his lap and a tough to explain bite mark on his knee. He bit through expensive suit pants, but that’s okay. This expensive Park is made of money plus it’s the dead of a Korean winter.</p><p> </p><p>The time is ten after midnight.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter crosses over with Spa Day 2020 ch11 (Citrus &amp; Honey) Yeah. Same crossover chapter as 23. I'm not sorry, but I am sorry.</p><p>It's always been the plan to have a chapter named Borld's West in both wings of Pause Mode. Funny, they're the shortest chapters in each series but I do just want the plot in each Borld's West to have its own spotlight. I have reasons. They're not good, but I hug them like sons. TTwTT</p><p>Obviously, this is not the end. One more chapter, an epilogue plus a notes page, so 27 although technically 26. I shake my fist at functional math.</p><p>To you, my precious reader thank you for coming along this (uh, and that's a) long ass ride.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Yan(g)dere</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jay has to make things right.<br/>JayWon talk about Heeseung.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>25 &amp; 26 used to be one chapter. </p><p>I split them right down the middle-sh, like Zeus. These chapters are soulmates.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This scene is an unlit closet painted with a broad brush in pthalo blues and midnight blacks. The main dialogue fluctuates from a light sigh 17 dB to 24 dB at peak whisper screams. The background noise is a faded laugh track with animated features. The cast is in position.</p><p> </p><p>On the floor at room temperature is a Park in a seated cross, fingers combing through tufts of black. Laying over legs at a diagonal is a curled-up Nyang Jungwon, head by a hip, turned on his side. </p><p> </p><p>In the shadows, the id is out—a cat, tamed on a bird’s expensive lap. This cat’s clocked out. Time card’s punched and <em>this</em> feels like home. Now he wants to be selfish. No bad intentions, just the freedom to be a little more honest.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck it,” he mewls over a luxurious pillow thigh, “we’re not dealing with homies tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>Jaybird’s still on the clock. He caws a “Wha<em>a</em>at?” faux surprised.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, we will but not well. 86 the yells, save it for tomorrow.” he stretches his limbs, getting cozy, “Now is for us. <em>We</em> discuss, just us.”</p><p> </p><p>Chairman Park beams teeth, “Well, guess what?” He’s anticipated this. This confirms he <em>knows</em> his boss.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Boss Yang yawns with crisp ennui, “tell me what’s what.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pff!? With pleasure,” he serves up a menu. “<em>We</em>’re set for <em>now</em>. Guilt gifts are parked on bunks. Let’s leave a sweet and savory ‘the fuck, for what’ vibe. Keep them sweating, let them stew overnight. Slow-cook guilt with uneasy sleep. By morning, whoever’s fucked up the most will be aching to dish.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, chef!” Yang-deo gasps, “Impressive! We get heads on plates and live deliciously. I like that.” Violently delighted, his arms fly up flailing, “Where’s your head? You’re getting pats.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck?!” his sharp jaw gets a few random smacks, “Is this on purpose?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes,” he bleats with bold honesty. These petty pats are payback, “for friend-zoning my past self.” Petty runs strong in this pedigree of knives.</p><p> </p><p>From the kitchen, Shim Jake starts a slow clap. Each clap captures too much air and spreads through multiple barriers. These claps go on for far too long, but it’s perfect. </p><p> </p><p>At this point, none of their neighbors care, not after the super’s wife dished a full-course meal over HOA group chat about ships sailing this floor. With Jay’s yuletide bribe, she’s <em>Amazon Prime</em>d several pairs of <em>Sennheiser</em> noise-canceling earbuds for the board and the most EN-affected neighbors. For their floor, she acquires 4kHD security cameras and enough monitors to line a wall, a gift to herself.</p><p> </p><p>Jay flinches, expecting more terrible head pats. Instead, he gets a touch between his cheek and his neck. Fingers walk up with silly energy until they settle behind his ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Hear that? Your applause.” Leader-nim speaks with high regard, “TeamHypen agrees you’re brilliant. Good job, Park.” That touch curls around the charm and stays on his cheek, “Smooth. You make me proud.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft?! Hyperbolic bullshit! ...but I will take those props.” Touched, he leans into this hand and grows bashful. A blush rises with what he’s about to say. “I kept the ones for Hoon-ah and Heeseungie hyung in the backpack. I’ll gift them myself.”</p><p> </p><p>“Cool… because?” He prods, curious at this warmth on his hoodie paw.</p><p> </p><p>There is no universe where Jay can say this and keep eye contact with or without light.</p><p> </p><p>“I have to make <em>this</em> right and tell them, specifically, I like you.” He turns, hiding his mouth behind not his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” he’s buzzing hard, glad it’s dark, “Are you asking for my dads’ permission?”</p><p> </p><p>“No?” He means yes, “Just hitting baggage claim.” Bird shrugs, pawed mouth in a hyperbolic arch. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s floored. He pairs a drawn-out gasp with dubious poetry from Jake. “That is <em>italic</em>.” Coiling his arms around with brows curved in affection, he sighs into cashmere. </p><p> </p><p>Proud of himself, Jay curls above his favorite cat. He’ll come out of this closet bold, claiming this ship.</p><p> </p><p>Though there’s no distress, frayed edges are left. A voice cuts through, delicate to point out that there’s more to smooth.</p><p> </p><p>Dear, deer mathyung Heeseung sounds wistful, like he’s found closure. “… Now I know why Jongseong and I aren’t as tight as we used to be, and why we can’t go back to that...”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon knows that isn’t enough because he <em>knows </em>his Heeseungie sets himself aside. Like the <em>actual </em>leader he is, he’ll advocate for his kind.</p><p> </p><p>He sits up, swallows his petty plus pride, and asks, “Please make that right? He thinks you’ve left him behind.” Arms come around Jungwon's waist and hands clasp tight. He sinks into that embrace. “Come back. Hee misses you”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie, I—?” Unsure what to say, Jay holds.</p><p> </p><p>“Hee’s like me. I feel that deep.” His heart and voice break, “You’re a bruiser. You push hard when you fall back. I don't want that for anyone who grows fond of you, especially him. <em>We</em> love him.”</p><p> </p><p>Distorted with emotion, Jay buries his mouth on fabric and breathes a name to self-soothe, “Jungwonie…”</p><p> </p><p>“I get why you did that,” the young boy says from experience, “it’s hard to stay close to ‘not yours.’ You smell fresh baked bread you can’t eat.” He feels a bitter grip smooth over his back, “You did that to me. Shelved me though I knew, then hung around my case. You left me to <em>see</em> you.”</p><p> </p><p>That guilt crushes. Hands cross over to pull close, “Oh Wonie... doll, I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon accepts regret with a tug on that loose high collar and lips to this neck. He’ll stay to speak in that space.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, if this wasn't mutual and I lost to a Knife, I’d bounce for a bit but I'd be back SO soon. I couldn’t quit being close coz you’re <em>that</em> dude—a supremely cool rare bird.” This hug tightens with this highest truth, “You’re irreplaceable and you took that gift back from hyungie. How mean of you.” </p><p> </p><p>Jay sighs out ragged. Complex feelings bubble up with words that choke, “Wha... but I— you...?” </p><p> </p><p>“You guys are home and home feels off. That’s all. I can't relate exactly.” He owns the limits of empathy, “Jay-ah, I don’t pretend to know the challenges you’re facing. I know there’s no replacing what you’ve lost... and you need time.” </p><p> </p><p>Spooked, this bird jerks away, “Are you sure you don’t know Hamilton?”</p><p> </p><p>“Is that a fancy cheese? Where is your head?” He hisses venom, offended, “I’m SO hungry too, but now is not the time! Not an appropriate tangent in the middle of serious team repair!”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I thought I—?” he feels rude for interrupting. Also gaslit, “I mean, do go on.”</p><p> </p><p>“Park yourself back in this hug or I bite knees.” Boss Nyang shakes his head, wrapping arms back over knit top aggressively, “Focus, bird! Cheeses.”</p><p> </p><p>Bird hyung returns arms waist-side and head broad-ways on Yang shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t deny you know what you’re doing.” Carl Jungwon reads observation notes, “Before you figured a gift for Ddeonu, you knew what to get HeeHoon. That’s why <em>Easel</em> took no time. Why jewelry shop came first to get engraving on lock. Obviously, you value him as much if not more than your best <em>actual</em> friend. It’s all over Hee’s gift and it doesn’t help that he shows up in Hoon’s.”</p><p> </p><p>“Get out of my head?” He’s joking, he thinks, “It’s not safe in there.”</p><p> </p><p>“Told you, I’m trapped.” He memes what he means and blows past. “Give hyungie back <em>his</em> Jongseong. Quit holding out. You miss your bond, bad, stuck on a past with just you two. Move on? Join the rest of the class and take him with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re right,” the fine print’s been read on this tea, “I miss my homie hyungie but it's not like I avoid him?”</p><p> </p><p>“Buddy, I see your floor plan. That line you think is flat IS a wall. We can’t have that in the middle of home. Tear it down and be real again? Be an <em>actual</em> friend,” he holds firm with tough love. “Buck the fuck up, Park! Make the fuck up with our buck.”</p><p> </p><p>Sour, he belts, “We’re still close!? I don’t want to confuse us. There’s Hoon-ah and there’s you. Argh?! To top it off, he didn’t have a clue?” That’s a yuja insult. “How do I find my way back when he just caught on to what's changed?”</p><p> </p><p>“Be honest? It’s not like you have to confess,” he’s keen that’s cheap canned corn, “Open your heart. Love is an open door.”</p><p> </p><p>That disappoints, deep. Jay is displeased with empty cheer-up bullshit, “That’s as useless as ‘be yourself.’”</p><p> </p><p>“Shush the fuck up and let me speak to your medium?” Bothered that fell flat, he’ll translate into fluent Jay. “I need a minute, let me concentrate.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? My medium?” Most would reach for the occult, but this is Jay. “What am I, a shirt?”</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, that’s it! Shirt!” Wonie picks up that dropped keyword, “Your love is <em>shirt</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“The disrespect.” An offended hyung recoils from this hug. “My love is not shit! My love is like RAIN.”</p><p> </p><p>“No shit, but’s also its <em>shirt</em>,” he tugs on hyung’s pricy abused knit shirt to clarify, “Jay-ah, your love IS <em>shirt</em>. Mine’s a men’s extra-large. Give Heeeungie his youth large. His fits me too, but I don’t wear <em>Made by Jay</em> like that. His shirt doesn't take from my stock.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! You wear oversized. Holy ship, that was relatable,” this suits Jay to a tee. “Wonie bee, you speak me well!”</p><p> </p><p>Thankful for custom-fit guidance, Jay parks in hoodie-sleeved arms, winding a hand into hair, driving him back into reserved space. </p><p> </p><p>“Damn right, I do. I know your native tongue,” Wonie nods, back in a hug, making an effort to wink with two fingers in the dark, “well. Whatever you have in your heart for him is cool.”</p><p> </p><p>Snickering at that sneaky tease on his neck, he says in place of a banned phrase, “I like you 2XL Jungwonie... So much, too much, just you. I’m overstocked.”</p><p> </p><p>“Double large? I’d be swimming in shirt! Tch!” That scoff is charged air, “... 2XL you too, boo, but not the point. I’m jealous, not greedy and I’m not asking you to be a Jake about it.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s a lie. Emotionally, true, but a mere mention of Jake triggers greed. He drops a pop quiz, an endurance test with the goal: attach a sensory memory to a subject. A passing grade requires adherence to the topic and peak self-control. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon goes long, “They’ve already got a Jake, just don’t get Jake. Maybe a little Jake, but not too Jake. Don’t take that from Jake. Jake needs that job security and there can only be one Shim Jake. One Jake is already too many Jakes. Sure, Jake's great, but no one needs to Jake off as much as those two. Especially in two.” Jake is a tool, conversationally, “Pythagorean. Pfft. Pathetic. No, I’m judging. I don’t get that theorem or see that adding up. It sounds like treble.”</p><p> </p><p>“I feel you,” multifaceted, “I like Jake but too much Jakey in twos gets Jakethy,” they enjoy this active disrespect. It's fun to Jake-off sans Jake, “and I’m not that kind of Park.” No disrespect for that Park, just facts plus an active coping mechanism.</p><p> </p><p>That tangent was a cheat and it’s not healthy to keep taking Jake’s name in vain. This could spiral into weirdness. Upping the ante, he throws a line on that point with a curve.</p><p> </p><p>“Ddeonu’s right, but feels are feels and then there’s <em>love</em>. Feel free, but use your head. Real <em>love</em> is deep respect. While you <em>love </em>him, you’re in <em>love</em> and he's in <em>love</em> with someone you bromantically <em>love</em>. That’s a lot of <em>love</em> between four points and a lot of lines. If you really <em>love</em> us, you’ll put in work. Graph the points, draw lines and you’ll see the shape of <em>love</em>. Fill it in and it’s solid.” For emphasis, he clicks his tongue. “Respect that shape, the space between, and be confident in how you <em>love</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Love is intense and moving. Feeling, skin, deep. This space is given much respect. Geometry was mimed for full effect. This wholesome message is real, deep, and solid advice.</p><p> </p><p>With worn-out breath, Jay concedes, “You got me, I am scared.” he groans, copping to his fear of a flame. “It’s hard… and a lot of feels to handle, man.” He sighs, emotional. “But, I’ll do it. I’ll make it right.” </p><p> </p><p>“It’s just discipline. Work on it? Feng Shui your mind into a cozy cage. Follow my lead. We’ll get you there, pretty bird.” Spoken like a boy who’s sketched plans for an aviary. “I love him plenty. I love my hyung father like a son.” </p><p> </p><p>“The family tree sounds like a spirograph,” Jay suggests with a line.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice try,” those roulette curves will not be mimed. He’ll dial this back to family-friendly, “It kind of is? All but two Parks have team fathers, but everyone has sons,” he hops back on topic, as this test goes both ways, “Remember, making <em>this</em> right includes him. Feel me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I do.” Just facts, “You feel me too.” Also facts.</p><p> </p><p>“Well.” Yes, he does. “I’m gonna get off that now and quit riding you on him. Full marks, Park.”</p><p> </p><p>Just like that, this chemistry test ends. Jay gets to advance to the next stage. He gets slow claps, emotionally.</p><p> </p><p>“Is it over? You done?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you can laugh now.”</p><p> </p><p>“I keep telling you that’s not how it works,” Jay starts massaging his cheeks and his jaw, “Oh, my fucking face! Hurts so good.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good job. Stayed on topic, but brush up on verbals. Not fair with the lights off, but eh. We’ll go again,” Jungwon awards a proper head pat, “and props for tapping into Hoonie. Who knew?”</p><p> </p><p>”Ah thanks, a few wires crossed during practicals. I clocked that vibe, figure I’d try.”</p><p> </p><p>”Sneaky on the spirograph though. Cheap. That's a back rub and a reset.”</p><p> </p><p>”You crossed wires with ‘pretty bird’.” </p><p> </p><p>“Reeeally? You shoulda kept that to yourself, fool!”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft. Woof! I can feel my face tone up. These sharp features are gonna get sharper. Great sesh.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah buddy, you are sharp. I’ll break you next time. No way you’ve gotten this good so quick.”</p><p> </p><p>What he endured in the dark is not what <em>you</em> think. That was a tickle fight. No lie. JayWon have a Tickle Fight Club. Bullshit, you say? Pull up a chair.</p><p> </p><p>Sure, the motions are similar but those touches weren't delicate or seductive. They were brutal, bordering on abusive with one clear goal—death by lols. Since one of them has a clear advantage, the rules are skewed. It is an endurance test for one and an active defense for another. Every word is a trigger. Every Jake, every <em>love</em>, every bit of geometry was a weird tickle tactic.</p><p> </p><p>Jay barely got a move in, all his energy went into facial control and voice modulation. He sucked at this game at first, but he’s gotten so much better. Moving forward it's going to be tough for Jay to look at Jake without internal mirth or have a chat about love without a touch of <em>actual</em> insanity.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon did this to him, broke him this way systematically, but he was given permission. They’ve been at this game long before mutuality, even before close friendship.</p><p> </p><p>Why the fuck and for what? This unfair fight was Jay’s brainchild. He asked for this, literally. He wanted that the power that came with ticklessness and he’s never known anyone more tickless than Yang Jungwon. </p><p> </p><p>Once upon a time, Park Jongseong read on a dubious listicle that suppressed laughter was the best exercise to tone facial muscles. In pursuit of peak visuals, he leaned into this theory, challenging every trainee he could to tickle fights just to get his fix. He was a ticklical bully, a menace of a dongsaeng and god help you if he was your hyung. That ended the day he first challenged Jungwon. He met a mountain he couldn’t scale, a broken boy who couldn’t be tickled. This defeat at the hands of this pretty new face filled him with equal parts R.A.S. and morbid curiosity. He’d die laughing, resurrect, then throw down a rematch over and over again until repetition retrained his brain. </p><p> </p><p>All this has fried this bird some, but what he’s lost in brain cells he’s gained back immeasurably with a companion who makes him laugh, refined facial features, and a poker face that can’t be bested by most. Now his poker face is steel, but he’s aiming for diamond. He’ll get there quick because his trainer is a tickless wonder.</p><p> </p><p>When he graduated past openly breaking into a cackle, the younger changed the game. It became about keeping a straight face. When it looked like an achievable benchmark, the younger moved the goal post by holding conversation, requiring meaningful dialogue. The ante will keep rising to keep the older from a decent chance at a counterattack. </p><p> </p><p>It’s not going to be a fair fight when Jay goes diamond because his touch carries a different intensity. Jungwon’s known this, it's why he’s never let him win. How Jay went from crush to obsession that first tickle fight when went easy on him and allowed him to try to tickle. He doesn’t tickle, but he’s not immune to touch. These tickle fights might be training for Jay but it’s a dangerous gamble for Jungwon.</p><p> </p><p>“By the way,” Jungwon adds a dollop of honey yuja, “I WILL slice your throat with a small Swiss Army knife if you slip up. It’ll take forever. Several small incisions forever. You’ll stay alive for most of the process and the cuts won’t be clean. You’ll bleed out, go into shock, and you’ll let it happen because I know you. I’ll hold you close while I make slow progress.” He stays these gruesome lines indelibly sweet. “Not the best use of a mini multi-tool, a total waste of human you and I’d lose a good chair but I have morals. I never back down from my goals. Soo… don’t betray my trust, m’kay buddy?” Eyebrows are dancing in the dark.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s blood runs cold then superheats. “Jesus <em>ACTUAL</em> Christ?!” He whisper squeaks two octaves high with an unseen, yet audibly indecent smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Pray you don’t fuck up.” Yan(g)dere suggests half in jest, “Just blue-skying, but if you’re legit worried, maybe tag in a Park?”</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft!” That wasn't that funny, it’s practical advice but Jay laughs too much because he’s broken. “Understood!” His unclaimed baggage is on its way home. “We’ll probably cry.” That’s an understatement, “We will cry,” now that’s a statement, “but after I do, give them DAWNSK. Reset the vibe with a psychic blow to show <em>we</em> ship them too,” and that’s a public statement.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice! Thoughtful.” Yang-bee flips off real knife mode and turns up the sweet, “When you get it right you get it—” he plants a loud lush smack of a kiss on Jay’s lips, an actual ‘<em>mwah</em>.’</p><p> </p><p>That random smooch and this fickle mood catch Jay off guard. He laughs, charmed by this dissonance. “Was there an end to that sentence?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, a chef’s kiss.” He says glib like that makes sense, “You're our chef and you got a kiss, aka ‘perfect?’ Catch up, hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>“Birddamnit—<em>what?</em> Uh... um, thanks? I try? And uh…” A flock of brain cells fly into a turbine. He’s concussed, emotionally. Pray for him, not that he needs it because like the champ he is, he bounces back to business, “So... kitchen knives? Leave team drama to me. I know both well and I get how this makes sense.”</p><p> </p><p>“Damn. Hyung move! You’re a <em>real</em> hyung, Jay hyung.” Yang Leader accepts that help with two solid pats on the back, “Deal. Niki-ah stays under my watch, but the greater drama is yours. I believe in you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course!” Jay glows with a feeling of success, he pats back twice. “I am your <em>actual</em> hyung and I do know <em>things</em>,” pats smooth into back rubs, “Don’t go there if you don’t like where those feels take you. You’ve got enough to deal with, so tag me. Let me in.” </p><p> </p><p>A peck on the forehead punctuates the end of the sentence.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, Jay-ah.” Yang Leader lilts, resting his head on an arm. “Trust, I’m down to go the distance and feel deep, but if I don’t go slow I won’t last long. It’s already hard and so rough on me, I’d be raw if I take it all in at once. I might break—”</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s eyes go wide and dry, overdrawn, and on the brink of emotional bankruptcy. That card’s been charged few times too many. The back rubs he gives cease, lest it takes on a different tone.</p><p> </p><p>“—emotionally.”</p><p> </p><p>Feeling mildly fevered, he blinks deep and pictures a glacial Park, recognizing this as pure vulnerability. These back rubs stay textbook wholesome.</p><p> </p><p>“I read but I don’t feel like you do. I <em>can’t</em> actively care. I’m sensitive but I’ve got an empathy gap, which sucks coz I love them AND I <em>really</em> care. There’ll be nothing left in me if I deal in feels plus work,” young Leader sighs resigned, “though I need to be better to do this job well.”</p><p> </p><p>“There are some things you just can't achieve with effort. Jungwonie, you can only be you. I know what I do because I’m me and I’m older. Doesn’t mean I feel people better. Two years isn't much, but it’s time and perspective combined.” This back rub curves, inviting this boy to lay burden on his chest, “Do you well, that’s enough. You <em>know</em> what you feel and play with probabilities easy. I’m dyslexic reading me and I go nuts with hypotheticals. I obsess over specifics ‘what if’s, unlike you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t assume,” that whole note falls by a quarter rest, “I’m lose myself in hypotheticals too.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay takes multiple measures, “Is that too much too soon? I can take it back.” He holds this note.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>No</em>, you can’t.” Jungwon throws an accent on ‘no’ and drops a clef, “Take a rain check. It’s not that deep.”</p><p> </p><p>“It is the deepest discussion two people can have, you psychopath! How can you say that!?” He asks, double sharp.</p><p> </p><p>The answer is natural in his signature flat, “Easy. Very easy for me. So, relax.”</p><p> </p><p>“Curious, but okay? Rain check. After you let me say I lo—” That thought halts with a heavy tug. “What the— Where are you taking me?”</p><p> </p><p>The answer is a blank, “Behind hung tops.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello. Been a while.</p><p>No one talk to me about math. I am upset with Math. And time? Time is my patriarchy, I will fight it??? 💪</p><p>I kind of have a rule (ahahah) that if I write something over 8-10k words for a chapter, it gets cut down and polished. That’s exactly what’s been going on and I feel like I’ve been coloring in fractals but I find this funny? Yes, I have a problem.</p><p>Sorry I write like a Rorschach test.</p><p>Missed you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. That’s an L!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jungwon has a dark secret.<br/>JayWon advances in culture.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you haven't read ch.25 Yan(g)dere hop back.</p><p>26 &amp; 25 used to be one chapter. </p><p>I cut them right down in half-ish, like Zeus. They are soulmates.</p><p>———</p><p><span class="u">HEADS UP</span>: There’s a link to a visual aid hidden in dialogue. Please check it out. I promise it’ll be worth it. It’s cute. 👍</p><p>———</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jungwon drags Jay to the back of the closet by his belt with reckless force. A familiar row of hoodies and sweaters part on the rack. The older boy is flung in and the line of fabric soundproofing closes over. </p><p> </p><p>Pissed, Nyang-deo jumps on his knees and shakes this bird's bones syllabically, “Birddamnit, son! Don’t say it!? Not yet with <em>that</em> between us!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay squints in darkness. He’s been at an arcade of mind games for too many hours. It’s been fun but now it’s hard to hear well. All his safety features were crash tested to excess and brake pads have worn thin. He’s about to pop the fuck off.</p><p> </p><p>He caws back, “We practically do?! We talk about love all the time? You certify I'm in love—with <em>whomst</em>? You rode me SO hard on loving Heeseungie right? Plus homeboys! You were shucked at my bogus marriage to corn?! We tease in Jake!? We are supernaturally possessive!” Jay rocks the fluff out of Sheep, “3000? 2XL?! Wonie, we can't keep getting into math every time we draw the shape of love.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon gasps. After all they’ve been through, the naked honesty and bold truths, this bird has the audacity to talk math AND time? He’s been so patient it’s worn him out. Still he’s generous with his null sum of fucks to give. With a dusting of chips on his broad shoulders, he pops the fuck back and withhold exactly one kernel of truth.</p><p> </p><p>He bleats, “That shape is an EGG?! The love I drone on about is platonic and familial plus MEMES!” his volume climbs half a decibel at certain words, “Can I not openly love my family? I am a new DAD, a LEADER, and of FUCKING course I love my SONS! And your Park Bom-tier love of <em>plain</em> corn IS worth mockery, SON.”</p><p> </p><p>“Call me SON, one more time?!” Aghast, Jay rises to half a decibel also for impact, “I am NOT your son. <em>This</em> between us is NOT familial and if we’re platonic then we’re been side-eyeing a saint.” He means Jake.</p><p> </p><p>“Watch your tone.” Jungwon seethes too close to his face. “You ARE family and just between us, no man is platonic with his <em>wife</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay takes a shot, “You don’t get to skip that line. Yellow C-A-R-<em><strong>D</strong>!</em>” he seethes back, keeping a compact distance. Hurting, he continues to plead, “The fuck is that? How do you go there without telling me you love me? Tell me! Obviously, you do!”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah... I can’t?!” He's running out of room to hide. This lack of transparency is opaque. “That’ll cut me deep. Right now I—”</p><p> </p><p>“FINE.” This space is so wide it frustrates. This absence of why has a presence and a weight. “You're not ready to say it but I am. Let ME say it because I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“You BIRD,” seizing his collar, he looms, burning with malice. “I mean that in the worst way!”</p><p> </p><p>Unintimidated by basic violence, he smolders with a dare. “Try to stop me from hearing you say ‘bird’ as anything other than a sound I find objectively hot.” </p><p> </p><p>That doesn’t go over well. “Fuck you, BIRD.” he glowers.</p><p> </p><p>He feels that glower. “Still HOT.” The expletive changes nothing. </p><p> </p><p>“AaAaRgh!” He blurs in the dark with a growl, with a short-distance, full-speed pounce. Knit fibers are re-victimized by this clawing grip. If this cashmere shirt had a soul, it’d be begging for death. Again. The older boy’s body absorbs the force of his wrath. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck YOU in your BIRDishly handsome face. Are you so that spoiled to keep trying to sneak past the ONLY border I have? Check your privilege and give me space!”</p><p> </p><p>Silence falls between them and Jay sniffs. That cut him deep.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” deflated, he pries fingers off his collar, slips his hands under this boy’s arms, lifts him off, and begins to crawl away until he feels a meek tug on his sleeve.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” this angry voice is suddenly small, “not literally?”</p><p> </p><p>He pauses to sit back down, sniffs again, and wipes off a tear on his sleeve. “Oh. Okay…” </p><p> </p><p>This cat feels bad. Pawing in the dark he finds a lap and sits in the space between, and leans back, legs outstretched.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry?” Jungwon’s tone is so much softer than it was.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re okay.” Jay nods, hiding his weep and doing a poor job.</p><p> </p><p>“Hold me?” His words come out like a plea, “Dry your tears on my hoodie?”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” he sniffles, lifting his arms to wrap around front, making contact but just barely. He raises his shoulder to wipe a few more tears on his knit.</p><p> </p><p>“I said dry your tears on my hoodie, not yourself,” he takes these arms around him to wrap closer, “and make this hug not suck.”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay? Uhh…” Jay lets out a weak groan, setting his head down on the shoulder in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“This hug is for peasants. I don’t know who the fuck you are holding me because my Jay-ah gives luxurious hugs.” This cat taunts, resting back on this chest, a backrest, “Also, this seat is garbage. Where’s <em>my</em> chair?” He squirms in search of a comfortable angle.</p><p> </p><p>Jay gasps in surprise, on his own he stops breathing. “Why is this happening to me?” He is toasty. </p><p> </p><p>“With or without your help I will I make this seat cozy,” he states his goal, sleeking thighs like armrests, “so if you want to hold onto sanity, hold me like my Jay-ah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not COOL! Literally, I am WARM,” Chair creaks, recalling how to breathe. “I will have you know Sunghoon’s shampoo is GONE.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” NyangWon feigns surprise for a syllable, “No shirt. I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Sick of this game, Jay belts his displeasure, “What is this?” yet he cozies up like the expensive lounger he is, “I don’t understand. Drawing me in then pushing me away? All because you don’t want to hear me say that I—”</p><p> </p><p>“Not like this. Not in a closet, parched AND starving with the lights off in whisper screams after a full day of emotional trauma bonding?! Do I have to remind you I'm a fugitive? Or that I keep freaking out over drama I finally have time for? Or that we’ve been all over each other after you’ve denied our long-suffering mutuality? Or that my inbox is an abyss? Oh and, we're fucking idols, we have jobs to lose. And I’m the youngest leader of our species?! There’s a million things I haven’t done! Just you wait? Let me survive the next 24 hours. Literally, I’m saying not today. NOT YET.” </p><p> </p><p>That would crush a lesser man. Jay knows that isn’t the case but a teenage boy, however smooth or smart, is barely a man.</p><p> </p><p>”That’s fair,” reticent, he withdraws. “Wonie, I like you a lot, but you’re right. Today’s been a treat and <em>we</em> don’t have time. I’ll dial back,” a pit in his stomach grows when he kisses this hand, “Thank you for this dream, you’ve been a doll. Hit me up if you want a partner for crimes. Clam this rain check anytimes.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? No! Boo! Oh, two...” this shakes him into desperate monosyllabic sweetness. “Stay parked? Jay-ah, please, don’t put me back on the shelf?” This doll feels selfish asking that for himself.</p><p> </p><p>“How do I take this then?” He’s lost, clutching his Heart. “Tell me, how does this make sense? Make this make sense or we die behind our best men’s hung tops!”</p><p> </p><p>“FINE.” Jungwon might cry, “You wanna know MY darkest secret? Why I don't want to hear the words I scream with all my actions?”</p><p> </p><p>“By choice, I aid, abet and enable. Maybe I witnessed a murder?” This gravity drew him closer to this boy’s orbit. “I hid evidence and bought new shoes. You have my legal council. <em>We</em> have secrets and a grave. Wonie, I’m down to ride. I am ride or die.”</p><p> </p><p>“Legal council? Like moral support or literal defense funds?”</p><p> </p><p>“Both.” That’s real.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, bird. I thought you were memeing, but I might need that rain check. Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>Piqued with double meaning, Jay hatches a scheme. He’ll talk in full Jungwonese, speak in test, weaving memes, bold truths and sweet secrets into casual conversation. This a dangerous attempt. He may drown in immersion diving in too deep. This gamble is worth it if he levels up trust through fluency.</p><p> </p><p>The older boy takes a breath, takes in this intoxicating chaos, and flies at full speed into this melodic language. </p><p> </p><p>He starts with a clock that’s been ticking his heart that changed his state of mind.</p><p> </p><p>“Jungwonie, since the day we met, strange things keep happening that I can’t explain with words. I got lucky finding you.” Jay goes nonstop with references he won’t address because this is how you speak in test, “You’re weird in a cute way and my favorite person to be around. Cozy cuddles in your arms make me feel special. Just hold me close, don't let me go.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Recognition rouses like the sound of an arcade, a cacophony of too many games.</p><p> </p><p>“Ssh,” that hush comes in too close with a blatant slide of hands across this torso, “Only focus on my voice. Sheesh!” </p><p> </p><p>Shaken and stirred, Jungwon squeaks. “Excuse me?” while cognizance takes a seat and cozies atop confusion. </p><p> </p><p>“Sweet bee, I don’t care that I’m a BIRD in your CAGE. Lock me in? That cage is designer. I don’t care if that’s wrong because it’s Frank Lloyd Wright.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you talking like that?” cognizance begins to wiggle on confusion. “Wait a sec…”</p><p> </p><p>“But why you always lying? You say we’ll go slow but you never do. You like me, I know, but tell me you need me? Say so. I need you. This sweet bird wants to be selfish. Take me? Be mine? Come be my teacher? Give me that green light and bae bee, I’m yours.” Jay hasn't said an original word. These are all lyrics and song titles, but it’s true.</p><p> </p><p>“Get out of my head.” This boy begins to bend, feeling fuzzy and mildly gaslit.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling that tilt, Jay goes full-bore into his next attack.</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, look here, bae bee. Bad boy, I like you, and boy, I trust you. For you, I’ll get violent. I ain't afraid of a little pain. I’m here, there’s nothing to fear.” He hit an iceberg with the theme to <em>Titanic</em>, “Tell me, tell me, t-t-t-t-t-t-tell me how dark is this secret? How deep does this go? This is like a black hole and I feel like I’m getting suc—”</p><p> </p><p>It sinks in. “Oh my god.” Jungwon’s mouth flies open, “This isn’t you being a garbage flirt,” he gasps with both his hands over his mouth. “You…. You’ve clocked my playlist.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah boyyy,” Jay cheeses, fists shooting up, pulling on two imaginary levers, feeling pompous levels of pride. “It’s sus as fuck, but fuck, it’s us."</p><p> </p><p>“Well, this is embarrassing.”</p><p> </p><p>“You should be. Shame.” He starts to snicker, “You trying to cage me?” </p><p> </p><p>“No?” he means yes.</p><p> </p><p>That snicker turns into a low, slow giggle, “Do you want to take that ride in a <em>Bugatti</em> next time?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll take away a rain check if you don’t stop.”</p><p> </p><p>“We can walk?” His giggles start to pick up speed, “Share a tiny umbrella on the way to rain check-in?”</p><p> </p><p>“You shush your pretty mouth.”</p><p> </p><p>“Or you gonna funk me in the rain?” Now his giggles are full-blown laughs. “AHhahA?!” </p><p> </p><p>“SHUT YOUR BEAK?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll get back in my birdcage.” He’s all nose scrunches and tiny nods in the dark. "By the way, it's navy blue. My passport.”</p><p> </p><p>“How’d you catch ALL of that?” Wonie’s mouth stays open, mortified, “I… I scrolled through ONCE so quick to find Pretty U?!” his voice squeaks at the end.</p><p> </p><p>“Yup. That’s all it takes.” DJ Park sucks in through his teeth, cocky. “<a href="https://i.ibb.co/4WJYrqr/0204bbirdcag3.png">Thumbnail</a>’s cute.”</p><p> </p><p>“NO!" Wonie bee's curls into a seated fetal position, face behind his knees in shame. "Ah, SHIP!?”</p><p> </p><p>“Bee’s in the trap!” This bird’s fists are still up, now doing a slow seated body roll, rubbing it in with a shameless ‘yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.’</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously?” he’s intrigued and really feeling this side of Jay. “With expired glasses, you read that?</p><p> </p><p>“Easy. Sharp visuals,” He flexes still, on a roll, “plus gestalt theory.”</p><p> </p><p>“Such power...” he whispers with a shiver and unable to close his mouth, awed that Jay might be an idiot savant with a photographic memory. Twisting in his seat to reward greatness he throws hands flat on Jay’s chest.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been promoted again. Congrats. Take that rain check soon.”</p><p> </p><p>He stops and drops the roll, “Which one?”</p><p> </p><p>“Both,” he clicks his tongue, “Get a <em>Coupé de Ville</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Four?” Bird hears that subtext. The countdown’s begun. “Uh… Bold album?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, two. Yeah, boo.” Bee’s all teeth, watching him slowly pick up those keys, intellectually. “I may be young but I’m r—,”</p><p> </p><p>“JayZus!? Stop provoking me!” Jay lights up with a blush that glows in the dark.</p><p> </p><p>Days later, they’ll recognize this conversation as the moment they discovered they’re both in the Hive. The Bey Hive. The memes of the hive mind keep folding in on each other like jong-i jeobgi.</p><p> </p><p>While JayWon’s been the common tongue, up until now, they’ve had a gap with dialectical comprehension. Now they’re on the same level. Jungwon can talk Jay with ease (with an emotional disconnect), and Jay can speak Jungwon (despite concussive culture shock.) Language blurs further between the two but in this mist a rare culture blooms.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon melts into his seat, shoulders falling at peace. Now his secret doesn’t feel quite so dark. Playlist acceptance is just that that huge a benchmark. </p><p> </p><p>He gathers Jay’s arms in his arms, “You’ve earned this secret, but you die if you speak this outside hung tops.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie bee, I know.” Jay clicks his tongue with a morbid callback spoken suave, “My throat is yours.” </p><p> </p><p>This cat curls in silent snickers, “Noted? Uhh,” coughing, he washes his hands and turns the page. “It’s my notebook.” </p><p> </p><p>“I knew it,” bird’s beak flies open in a gasp, “You’re my Light.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfffff?! That’s an L,” he sprouts a laugh, honored. “I wish. What a dream, a grim reaper with graph paper.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, the one with math?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” a nervous Jungwon gulps, “Those numbers don’t add up,” he has to be brave. They <em>have</em> to share. “It’s work notes but really,” he draws a shaky breath, puffs out his chest and confesses, “it’s... my journal.” </p><p> </p><p>Jay almost laughs straight into an eardrum. “Really. In math?” This is more fantastic than a shounen anime plot.</p><p> </p><p>This shame is <em>actual</em>. "Jay-ah, it's bad. I’ve got a habit. I... I’m addicted to math.” He is reviled by his intellectual heresy, holding back tears. “I blow through so much math every chance I get. Recreational math, and not the pure stuff. I do... bird math.” </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon breathes a ragged sigh and shudders, disgraced. Exposed, he’s filled with an urge withdraw. Hands go over his face and his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Jay doesn’t know if he’s being fucked with. This boy folded himself in half, trembling, either sobbing or holding in a storm of giggles. Regardless, it’s an abundance of feeling. He’ll be true, play with this energy and trusting the method acting through this madness. </p><p> </p><p>“That is dark. Why’d you start?” he unfolds this boy, gets him to sit back with some encouraging pats, “You’ve got so much potential...  why waste it on math?” This hyung is all grandmaternal energy.</p><p> </p><p>“I was bored. At first just to blow off steam,” this voice is precious kitten smol, “but it made ME smile so much,” he gets sentimental, “and I got to keep in plain sight what mattered when things got hard.” Now he’s got an audible pout, “When I’m tired, taking down notes or doodling at meetings to look like I care,” he trembles with bitterness, “a quick hit of math picks me up,” he sniffs, “but now, I can't stop me?” he is so ashamed, “I need that high from bird math.”</p><p> </p><p>This brilliant boy feels like he’s disrespected high authority, bastardizing the only pure thing in this world—mathematics.</p><p> </p><p>Hyung feels his agony and goes pillow-soft. He lovingly pets his hair, “Tell me, Wonie Bee, what’s in there?” Nurture thrives in his voice, smooth and sing-songy, “In your notebook. Is it work? Everyday life?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon is a kitten crying, upset it can’t fly. </p><p> </p><p>“Kind of?” he mewls, “Sort of…” he meows, “YES?!” and now he’s just a self-loathing child, “It’s everything?!” He cringes at himself. “Career benchmarks, team shenanigans, teen bullshit, dreams, memes, ship charts, bird logs?” He free-weeps and sniffles.</p><p> </p><p>This is a personal test for Jay. ‘Bird logs’ almost broke him open. This is funny but he mustn’t laugh if he’s going to be hyung about this.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, sweet bee?!” Hyung throws his arms around Jungwon’s head and swaddles him. He lets those tears soak cashmere sleeves. “Shhh... That notebook makes sense now.” he lands a flock of feather-soft kisses, “Notes and doodles aside, it’s a clown car of numbers with four letters repeating.” This is getting to him. He bites his lips, tearing up in empathy. This pain is palpable, “Legit, I worried you were losing your mind for less wholesome reasons.” Now hyung’s really sad, that lip trembles and he actually cries, “We’ll get us into therapy soon…” his voice wobbles, he means it. <em>They</em> need therapy, “We’ll get through this.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon can’t hide his tears, they stream over wifey. “Jay-ah, this habit takes so much time,” that’s where the real pain is, “it eats at my life? I need to sleep, but I can’t? I do so much math it hurts my hands,” this is now universally sad. “Already I reel at how this day out will translate, but I want this memory with you the way I want it on paper.” Aww. “It’ll be a dense page like I keep trying to solve the Riemann Hypothesis?” His poor mouth is stuck in a grimace, “I’ll make time tomorrow when I should be working. That’s how much this matters to meee…” he bleats and freestyle weeps.</p><p> </p><p>Jay has to hold his head back, not wanting to dowse the head of hair tucked under his chin with his own flood of tears. </p><p> </p><p>“I feel you,” emotionally and literally. Somber and swallowing hard he also addresses a similar vice, “I have a problem too.” A dam of liquid pain releases with a whimper.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon holds back tears, sensing a sad Jay. He pulls down these cried-on sleeves, fingers clutching in sympathy.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah? No! You too? Oh no!” He twists in his seat, legs dangling over armrests and starts the Sisyphean task of drying this sensitive hyung’s tears with his hoodie paws, “Tell me, boo? Baby bird, I’m here for you.” He conjures strength to hold his Hand.</p><p> </p><p>Feeling solace in this gesture, Jay breathes in tears. “Don’t tell? I…” he snivels, “I Notes App, though not as bad,” Jay audibly pouts too, “but it’s BAD.” and now it's a loud frown, “Gigabytes bad!” Now it's just a parabolic arc and words flow out, “I lose SLEEP getting my demons out.” Paws keep wiping, “but it feels good?” Spoken like a man who’s learned to be proud of his shame, “Like, SO. GOOD?!” Maybe a little too proud, that voice was sus. He dials it back with big hyung energy, tapering his outpour with a wise whisper. “So, I get it. This addiction. It’s real.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay hyung gathers few shreds of maturity and talks low, soothing, and matter of fact.</p><p> </p><p>“On lazy days I emoji,” he takes the hands from his face, holding thumbs to palms, “but I mostly small caps acronyms and hard returns.” He wipes these wet hands on the chest of his shirt, “Punctuation is for peasants though lo-key I’m weak for kaomoji. On days when it's a lot, I grocery list.” As dry as they can be, he takes each hand to his lips individually, “Every entry about you is groceries,” then with the cuffs of his sleeves, he swipes back tears on this boy’s cheeks. His hands wind in his hair. “This day is ALL groceries.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m groceries? Aww.” That makes this weird mango happy. “Thank you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah... Groceries in bulk.” This odd watermelon is happy that clicked. “<em>Easel</em> for life.”</p><p> </p><p>Just because it feels right, they gloss over lips like a soothing balm, a flavored kiss. Neither has known salt to taste this sweet. This language barrier splits clean, completely.</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy pulls away, not because he wants to but he has something to say.</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah… pretty bird, feel it too,” he turns back to lean on his chair like he’s used to, “I that word you too,” those damp sleeves come back around like a sweater cape, “but those words need more than a footnote a page. It should live on its own.” These words take on a self-deprecating but affectionate tone, “Just that in colored marker with little doodles of eagles and cats plus hearts?” A pause to simp and cringe at himself hard, “I… saved those cherry stickers from that day just in case.” </p><p> </p><p>Jay has to take back a sleeve to cover his mouth, “That is the most endearing thing I’ve ever heard.” as fuck, he feels loved. </p><p> </p><p>Having dowsed his keeper with honey in bulk, this buzzing bee blue skies a dream. “Take me out on purpose? Plan a day, maybe one we have off the day after so I can squee doodle. Give me time coz I need to keep practicing eagle. For now, let me keep ‘I like you?’ That was nice? And let me bird math <em>our</em> crimes.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a difference between <em>their</em> crimes and crime crimes. There is no paper trail for crime crimes.</p><p> </p><p>This hyung beekeeper smoothes like whipped honey, “Of course. This habit is <em>ours</em>.” He might suffer brain cellular loss and diabetes, emotionally, but he’s ride or die for this bae bee. “If you don’t mind me all over Notes App while you do math, we’re symbiotic. We’ll cover for each other if we end up looking trashed the next day.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>This hyung.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon nods, satisfied with this suggestion. “Yeah… That works,” he grips knees, “We can tell the boys we’ve been up all night in each other's mouths or something normal like that.” He holds composure for 2.4 seconds before devolving into airy cackles, appalled by his salacious crumbs.</p><p> </p><p>“Pffff?!?! Mind your language?! Cheeses fucking christ!” Jay has a null sum of brain cells left. That's hyperbolic bullshit, but he's getting there. “Just to be clear, you're being extra about math and you want a romantic day out with a day off after to squee doodle, yes?”</p><p> </p><p>“Kind of? Sort of. Yes about the day. I think I'm just obsessive but I do feel like a degenerate for abusing math,” his shoulders tilt to shrug, rolling his neck. “Ugh. Sorry, I'm like a moody cat? Makes me feel bad that a sweet bird like you likes me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You are a cat but I'm a bird of legend. I can tame cat.” Park finds a snug space to park a head, tucking his hands into hoodie pockets. “In my opinion, cat works like sheep and bee.” </p><p> </p><p>“Is this about a lazy name pun? Sheesh.” he rests his hands over ankles in a seated cross. “Should I be making Jay Park jokes when I kick it with you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t assume we’re talking about the same pun! Which cat name pun have you heard?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, it's not like there's more than one? Just Nyang Jungwon.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay quivers dramatically with a hand over the chest over his chest, “Aaah! Cute!? I’ve thought so much about it,” and he’s written plot the first arc of that anime, “but you saying it?” He’ll bank this soundbite for moments of weakness. “Hits right, right in the feels.” </p><p> </p><p>“You sound dumb.” For two boys who’ve been simping all day, this is notable. “How are you this weak for 'Nyang Jungwon'?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god! It gets better every time it hits! Chick-a-plao!” Jay’s voice quivers. Physically debilitated by cinematic imagination, he drops forward. “You got me, boy. You shot me, bad.”</p><p> </p><p>“I was aiming for the sky.” Jungwon’s tone goes flat with this weight on his back, but he’ll investigate this angle. He says for puns and ships, “Nyang Jungwon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh! My heart?!” and so the balance shifts when Jay slumps back into the wall at an incline, now both hands clutch over chest over chest, “Oh, I’m dead.”</p><p> </p><p>Held like a rag doll at an even more awkward pose he goes, “Huh,” and sees potential. He leans back into science and tries that again with zero vocal inflection. “Nyang.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay goes full ENGENE. “Augh!? Why is this happening in darkness!? The INJUSTICE. Do this again in the light?” There is no excuse for how extra he’s being, but by god, this freak-out real. “I want this for my birthday.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck it. This cringe is worth it,” with a feline smirk he takes a physical turn. Like an airy melody he goes, “Nyang?” in a charmed ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Ack!? No! Not yet?” he squawks, openly weak. Hyung is a gurgling puddle of liquid cheese spilled on the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” he paws, “Jay.” he pauses, “Aah?” He teases, getting close with the ‘ah.’</p><p> </p><p>Jay makes a sound like a dying animal, sucks in his teeth, takes bae bee by the hand, and gathers his words to propose.</p><p> </p><p>“Nyang Jungwon, will you camp out in the closet with me tonight?”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you already cashing in a rain check!?” His eyebrows are a halo. ”You suck at capital management.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ssh. Trust me.” This is a modest proposal, “Let’s get some pillows, a few comforters in here. Feng shui a bit?” Essentially, he wants to build a pillow fort, “Get cozy, look through our notes. I’ve been at it since the day after we met. Sad, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“A sleepover? Fuck yeah! I’m floored. That’s a plan. A floor plan! I’m on board. Floorboard? Puns?! I’m excited!” He whisper screams at a full 24 dB. “If that’s sad then I’m clinically depressed. Been hoarding since the cab receipt.”</p><p> </p><p>“You might be, but you beat me by a day! Mine was the note you paid me back with.”</p><p> </p><p>Out of nowhere, Sunoo shrieks in American cheese, “DO NOT MAKE AN ORPHAN OF YOUR SON!”</p><p> </p><p>“That... was loud and irrelevant.” for some reason Jay feels gaslit again. </p><p> </p><p>“That lucky fox!” Jungwon’s aghast, that line would’ve won him a bingo, “I’ve been waiting for an excuse to pull that quote.” </p><p> </p><p>Jay makes a high-pitched sound like a cheep. “Huh. I thought you didn’t know Hamilton,” he remarks in deadpan.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon laughs sounding like actual sheep. “Oh... hey, check this out?” he fires the cheapest shot, wiggles his shoulders with feline energy, and fully commits to a “Nyang?”</p><p> </p><p>He aims for the sky and kills a bird, emotionally.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, you…” Jay coos, mind-wiped and inappropriately enthralled. </p><p> </p><p>Just like that, Dark Mode switches on. He’s about to do his thang, this black swan. Hot blonde hyung’s ready to do some dancing in the dark. Forget everyone, hyung fathers be damned! Christmas came early for Park Jay and he is essentially Spa Day’s Santa Clause. He is owed. He deserves!? This boy’s been on his sleigh all day and it’s about time he slayed this boy. Jay Clause is hungry and wants his cookies, and by cookies he means Nyang Jungwon. No amount of clawing from this cat can stop this speeding energy, it revs hard like a Bugatti driven by a couple of criminals on the run. These double B's are going off-road.</p><p> </p><p>For a second, his higher brain pops in with a question. Should he be doing this with the rest of the team outside just a paper door away?  `<em>Fuck you brain!? Let me live!</em>’  Jay drives through the question, for life. This bee’s about to get the knees f—</p><p> </p><p>Heeseung screeches, cheesing through this tease. “WHAaaT?! Jakethy. Did we turn you on?” This smile’s so huge it’s audible, they can almost hear his teeth.</p><p> </p><p>In the closet, a spiritual Bugatti runs headfirst into a deer, instantly killing the driver on impact.</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus.” Jay cracks into a toothy grimace and starts to pray for everyone’s soul.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon doesn’t pray, he acts. “That's it, enough putting off work.” </p><p> </p><p>Hangers slide on a rack. Jay regains vacancy on his lap. In a blink, the lights are on in the closet. </p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck?” Hyung Blonde Park hisses, rubbing his eyes as he ducks out from slightly parted tops. Bizarrely, he thought the light switch was outside. “Why didn’t we do that sooner?” </p><p> </p><p>“Dramatic effect?” still Drunkwon shrugs in a state of squints, “pfft! I'm drunk. Let me live?” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, I keep forgetting,” he does. On the floor he spots that abandoned Samsung Galaxy, “I mean, dark mode Wonie’s just that fun” </p><p> </p><p>The phone gets picked up by hyung to hand over. Dongsaeng already has his palms up, expecting. </p><p> </p><p>Not wanting to be predictable, Jay disregards those hands and steps to slip this phone in its owner’s hoodie pouch. </p><p> </p><p>Not wanting to be bested, this hand in his pocket gets trapped on its way out in a wholesome handshake. </p><p> </p><p>They shake each other's hands, firm like businessmen, for too long. It turns into a match of grip strength. When it seems like the younger has the advantage it turns into a game to see who keeps going without breaking face. When it appears like the older is winning and arms grow fatigued, the younger ups the ante by doubling hands. When the younger gains, the older narrows his eyes then opens them garishly wide without blinking. That triggers a staring contest. </p><p> </p><p>Two pairs of eyes go wide and dry. Four arms have muscles drowning in lactic acid. </p><p> </p><p>Dongsaeng plays his hand. </p><p> </p><p>Unprompted he says, “Dark mode Jay is fun,” and sticks his tongue out through his teeth in tiny, a playful blep. “terribly fun.” His eyebrows dance with this innocent blep.</p><p> </p><p>Jay idles, staring at that blep, deciding if he powers down his brain to switch on Dark Mode again. Like a bird after rain, he shakes hair and thoughts from his head. He’ll be a <em>real</em> hyung. They’ll come undone if he keeps pulling that thread. </p><p> </p><p>He bites his lower lip visibly, exaggeratedly, not in an attempt to seduce but to display comic levels of displeasure. Jay wears a light-hearted frown—an <em>actual</em> ‘no’— and takes this L, freeing those hands.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This chapter crosses over with Spa Day 2020 ch12 (Player 01 &amp; Player 02)</p><p>———</p><p>【 ɘǫɒɔbɿid 】</p><p>tinyurl.com/0204ThumbnailsCute ← if you missed the visual aid</p><p>tinyurl.com/0204birdcage ← the fake playlist for references. It’s not great, I made it for plot &amp; I’ve written my Wonie as supremely strange child. </p><p>———</p><p>Thank you for your patronage and your patience with 0204. Wish I could say I was a quality over quantity person but I’m so wordy and I have control issues lol. </p><p>Talk to me! I miss you?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. No way. 0204?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>JayWon come out of the closet to a filthy floor.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter crosses over with Spa Day 2020 ch12 (Player 01 &amp; Player 02) </p><p>____</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soon as Jay withdraws from the competitive handshake, a poppy tune streams through the kitchen. An acapella version of TT by TWICE done in alternating lines. </p><p> </p><p>Violently delighted, Jungwon and Jay’s mouths drop into comically large smiles. This beat is a bop that warrants spontaneous choreography. </p><p> </p><p>The subunit stages an improvised dance jam. Thumbs curve under eyes while downturned pointers mimic tears. Verses sung too well for memeing are lip-synced. They shimmy shimmy to honeyed ‘ooh’s. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon bends out of sync, thrown off by Flame On aegyo. Jay’s gone all-out and, boy, does he tickle. In a blink, that feeling piques into something else.</p><p> </p><p>Blonde waves shake à la salon blowout. ‘You don’t know how I feel’ is a smatter of gold leaf dusted off shoulders. Arms bent at the elbows are the wings of a valkyrie in preflight. ‘So mean, so mean,’ is pure violence, a pout with undue lethality, and for what. He drops a bombshell just to meme with a bop. Kicking up a notch, Jay pairs expressions to lyrics with real feels because no one vibes harder to ‘TT’ like he does. In unduly intense aegyo, his sharp features slice through so much silly.</p><p> </p><p>This drive-by comedy routine jostles strong sensory memories attached to that pout. This is a personal attack. Jay is striking when his lids flutter low and his gaze turns down, that look hits so hard it slaps. Jungwon knows the words but he loses focus on vocal cues. At Hoon-ah’s first ‘aww’ he slows to a melting point.</p><p> </p><p>Jay sees that tilt, “Really? TWICE?” he smirks with a raised brow.</p><p> </p><p>Yang-deo plays it cool. “What? A bop’s a bop,” he shrugs, palms up. “Pfff? What is that?” This ask regards an inexplicable sequence. </p><p> </p><p>Using an entire hand, Jay swipes blonde from dome to face, to chin, to neck, to chest in one fluid motion. That same hand goes over his collar to the end of his arm. Then he wipes that hand onto the younger boy’s hoodie—thoroughly, as if he’s washed a hand, needs a towel, and uses a <em>friend’s</em> clothes because that’s what normal people do in this dorm.</p><p> </p><p>“What... is this?” Sheep Garden is lost in the pure utility of this action, “What are you wiping on me?”</p><p> </p><p>Deadpanned, Jay gives a blithe, “Just me,” while still wiping his hands on this hoodie. He expounds with his name and sketchy English. “Jay… wipey.”</p><p> </p><p>The pun takes a beat to buffer. It fully loads. Then discord dings through the walls in the key Lee flat major (cackling, dying) and an explosive Park cawing a guttural, “FUUUUCK!” </p><p> </p><p>In a testament to five years of camaraderie and innate compatibility, Jay and HyungSeung have coincidentally, cosmically, set up a similar joke with a homophonic pun. Their comedic timing is superb.</p><p> </p><p>How these jokes slay in this closet versus out there in the kitchen is the difference between dawn and dusk.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s mouth flies open, he bends at the waist and loses knees to a lung-deflating wheeze. He grabs the closest <em>thing</em> to keep from crashing but laughter wastes his grip strength. Hands make full contact, futilely sliding down the longitude of a Park. It curbs impact but doesn’t prevent liquefaction. Succumbing to gravity, he is a boy pile of one. </p><p> </p><p>Sunghoon cracks into full-lunged shrieks and a turret of ice-cold slaps. “Fuck you! Fuck you! FUck YoU!! FUCKING HELL what the FUCK?! WHAT THE FUCK!?!? AAAARGH!!!” Though contextually disconnected from this scene in the closet, his screams sound like a battle cry demanding vengeance for a fallen son.</p><p> </p><p>Despite being audibly assaulted, Deer father’s uproarious laughter swells.</p><p> </p><p>Serendipity works against this dongsaeng, his hyung fathers unravel him further. His mind decays like Hee’s; like father, like son. Devoured whole by madness, he is sapped of energy and grows weak of heart. Jung wants to screech but his voice abandons his throat along with the will to exist for each one of his bones.</p><p> </p><p>Proud of this moment, hyung extends an expensive treatment in the form of physical and emotional support. He takes a knee and gathers this dying boy in his arms. Yang boy shakes in these arms before flatlining. By the end, he struggles to breathe with short, seizured gasps. It’s unclear if his cold, limp hands try to slap face or caress in loving farewell. Pretty eyes close, a few laugh tears stain cheeks and arms fall floorward with a twitch. Jay actively resists an impassioned ‘NOO’ when motion ceases and holds him close with predictable dramatics. </p><p> </p><p>Wonie stays down, dearly departed, dimples out with his tongue through teeth in tiny illustrating cartoon death.</p><p> </p><p>Jay smirks, picking up what he’s put down. Fingers brush past this cheek and comb into wavy black hair. Starved, he angles this head and licks his lips, ready to make a meal out of this dish. </p><p> </p><p>Momentum is shirked with a hoarse, “YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!” a throaty ’nay’ from Visuals Dad. </p><p> </p><p>Blonde shakes in frustration, gritting his teeth. He blinks SO deep, wondering how many times he’s gone into spiritual warfare with these dads for this lad, with Ice Park specifically. Determined to whet his palate, he bites air and tries again. </p><p> </p><p>That thread is cut clean with another piercing scream, “AARGH!” and a frosty slap.</p><p> </p><p>Jay wants to weep. Burning with R.A.S. he leans again when suddenly Jungwon revives. The younger boy opens his eyes and regains his spine. He surges forward to barely a centimeter of space, as if to steal a kiss—but doesn’t. He steals something else. For puns and ships, he makes the sound of a smooch, hops up, and leaves. </p><p> </p><p>Bird hyung is in shambles, a victim of wanton snack theft. He feels wronged.</p><p> </p><p>Still in a kneel, salty he keeps getting fucked with, Jay hyung yanks Yang pant leg in mid-escape. Those pants are slack and beltless. They come off, lopsided, and halfway down to knees.</p><p> </p><p>This nuclear fallout sends shockwaves, decimating the sparse population of brain cells in the area. A high-pitched ringing drowns out all sound, rendering these closet dwellers functionally deaf.</p><p> </p><p>Exposed, a scandalized Jungwon nearly trips whipping around only to find Jay’s come undone. The older boy dies in a peal of silent laughter, rolling at the sight of his <em>Mack Weldons</em> on someone else again. He forgot—no, to survive he HAD to forget. Microfiber fabric barely peeks from beneath this oversized hoodie. Each peep hits like too many terrible head pats per second.</p><p> </p><p>That silent rage of laughter plants a shrewd smile, sprouting large with teeth. Teaser-nim folds his arms over his chest and doesn’t do anything about his pants because every time it looks like Jay’s about to recover, this sliver of <em>Mack Weldons</em> sends him limp in a slump, spiraling headlong into giggles. By far, he believes this to be his best mistake today, possibly to date. Basking in this passive act of domestic terrorism, he cheeses with power.</p><p> </p><p>Jay musters all the courage he requires to look his own underpants in the face, at face level, at face value. He is fazed but eventually, he pulls himself together. It just takes a few tries. </p><p> </p><p>The first time, the laugh loop folds him in thirds into child’s pose. On the second try, with much suffering, he gets vertical then wacky-arm deflates. On the third, Jay resurrects, filled with the spirit of determination. He takes one small step and swiftly pulls those pants up by the vacant belt loops like an absolute gentleman. With great bravery, he fights a war against outrageous blush, unable to look at this human face lest he fall back into that laugh trap. His mouth is an italic subscript ‘v.’</p><p> </p><p>Deeply dimpled, Jungwon adopts a similar smile, tucking his lower lip in. He locates that belt he snaked under the door, abandoned on the floor. His jaw goes askew when he tries to not spit in laughter seeing Hyung Bird’s fried, flown into a blue screen with thumbs suspended in his belt loops.</p><p> </p><p>Shaking his head with a nose scrunch, Boss Yang reaches forward to slip his phone into the back pocket of not his suit pants. Effectively, he hands over rights to his <em>Samsung Galaxy.</em> </p><p> </p><p>That token of trust is a leap taken. More than a deflective push to be present, it is an exchange of power in the making. Gradually, hearing trickles back. </p><p> </p><p>This breaks Jay out of his trance, twitching but relatively intact. Releasing pants, he goes into his pocket, cocking an eyebrow at the device. He’s about to pass it back again but is met with a head shaking ‘no’ with a stiff hand raised. </p><p> </p><p>Once again, Park Sunghoon. “NO!” </p><p> </p><p>JayWon exchange glances, thinking a time Hoonie said ‘yes’ when he should’ve said ‘no.’ What is Hee up to? What is this hyung skating away from? To what doth this Prince protest too much? Why this hard-lined no?</p><p> </p><p>Voice shaking, ParkHoon pleads, “No aegyo! NO!!”</p><p> </p><p>JayWon split a king-sized snicker.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s time,” Leader-nim chuckles with a mischievous grin, “Take video with my phone and hit record before rolling out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” Jay nods, fiddling with the device, “but camera’s on lock.” He waves the screen aiming the front-facing camera at Jungwon, “Give me face.”</p><p> </p><p>“No!” He ducks out of view, sidesteps persistent attempts until he hides his face on Jay’s back. “Use code,” he says behind cashmere.</p><p> </p><p>“How?” Jay spins around, wings flapping to grab at this Won. “I don’t know your passcode?!”</p><p> </p><p>Wonie follows the curve, like tail feathers on this whirly bird. He stops the spin cycle by hand, covering this hyung’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you do.” Suddenly, he’s shy. He rests his cheek behind hyung’s shoulder, “Same four as yours, then you.” Then he lets go and slinks away to face the door.</p><p> </p><p>Jay takes a beat. He’s taken back. “No way. 0204?” He asks at normal speaking volume.</p><p> </p><p>“Ssh! Don’t be so loud,” he shushes, pushing a finger over <em>his</em> mouth, “but yeah… plus you.” and he turns back around.</p><p> </p><p>In mid-revolution, he’s stopped manually. </p><p> </p><p>Dumbfounded by numbers, Jay grabs him by the arm and flips him over just to sigh in his face. “My god. Wonie, we might be soulmates.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe?” he shrugs, avoids those eyes, mouth askew and shy. He says, “If we are,” then stains his lips with a devious smile, “pray for your soul, mate.” Fangs come out, smirking in tiny.</p><p> </p><p>Tongue in his teeth, head at an awkward angle, Jay plots a way to respond. Before he can react he gets cucked, emotionally. </p><p> </p><p>A provoked Penguin barks in Jake, “DON’T BULLSHIT ME MATE!”</p><p> </p><p>This bird might <em>actually</em> cry. ‘<em>BirdDAMN. Again with the JAKE?!</em>’ Used to this, he sighs wholesome and resigned. </p><p> </p><p>“I will if you guys keep speaking in Jake,” he chuckles, shudders and shrugs that off. To clean his slate, Park Jay starts singing Jay Park. “Seattle to Seoul, baby,” he unlocks the <em>Galaxy</em> with a numeric remix of his birthday. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>020420</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hyung’s heart skips a beat, looking at this home screen like a kitten yawned. This phone would’ve been hugged if the lights were down. Fancy cheesing, he holds the phone, screen out, like a hand model. He tilts in an ‘aww,’ beak a crooked grin.</p><p> </p><p>Those were lyrics so that spaceless ‘baby’s allowed. Even so, Jungwon has to hide his mouth. He’d clear his throat loud if they were behind hung tops, so he swallows a smile and tries to move on.</p><p> </p><p>“You got it, pretty bird.” JungONE says with two thumbs up, “Ready?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay hits record and beams back, thumbs up. “All set, boss!”</p><p> </p><p>“EN’s get it, son!” he whisper screams with upturned thumbs now finger guns shooting off one by one. </p><p> </p><p>“Letchugo!” he unholsters a double-barreled finger gun and fires back a shot.</p><p> </p><p>Guns cross over Yang heart. He mimes bleeding out when those guns turn into the tiniest hearts.</p><p> </p><p>Footage shakes. “You got me, boy. My heart?!” Jay fakes an old man voice, staggering back a few steps with a hand over his chest. </p><p> </p><p>Emboldened, Jungwon debuts a move developed in the dark. This custom-fit gesture still in its research phase is horse tranquilizer grade. Fatality is guaranteed but it requires an equivalent exchange. It’s a risk he must take for science.</p><p> </p><p>Finger hearts hover by cheeks and become fierce little fists. They turn inward. One after another they curve into paws. Lips curled in a smirk, he dips into high-fructose corn. 3000% this pose is a capitalized ‘Nyang.’ </p><p> </p><p>Park Camera-nim freezes, forfeiting function to frostbite. His smile is so small and restricted it strains all facial muscles. It’s a brutal workout that has him screaming cellularly. Jay falls into a diabetic coma. Emotionally.</p><p> </p><p>Nyang Leader hides his face in his sleeves, burning with embarrassment. He’ll struggle to make eye contact until this move is perfected. This killing point needs to be workshopped extensively if he’s going to survive the aftermath. </p><p> </p><p>Necessity pulls Jaybird out of neurological stasis. Thumbs fly across the screen to text himself evidentiary video before the master of the <em>Galaxy</em> scrubs all trace of this clean. That was everything. He feels complete. As fuck, he is charmed. </p><p> </p><p>He hits send and sighs, lit with a swoon.</p><p> </p><p>This timid cat emerges, proud of himself, cringing like a winner, making eye contact with knees. He turns on his heel, shaking off fuzzy feels with a hand rake through hair and a shoulder roll. </p><p> </p><p>Leader-mode reactivates. Fully psyched, he grips the doorknob, ready to make an entrance.</p><p> </p><p>Hyung slips Yang <em>Galaxy</em> into the pocket his <em>iPhone</em> parks. He leans a hand on the door over this boy’s head.</p><p> </p><p>Leader-nim raises an eyebrow at the obstruction but opts to act aloof. He’s a professional. A professional tease. He twists the knob and pulls. The door stays shut with the weight of an insubordinate ‘<em>Not yet</em>.’ </p><p> </p><p>Unsurprised, he lilts with a lip bit, swiveling back, and the limb above slides across to rest more than a hand. On the door lands a forearm, then an elbow, then a fluffy black head. A strategically disheveled blonde shadows over the rest. </p><p> </p><p>In a snap, Jay’s the finest silk. He bestows an eloquent kiss, heavily accented, fluent, opinionated, and rude. Tongue-in-cheek, he gives boss a mouthful. With one hungry and the other parched, a few wires cross. Jungwon drinks him in, refreshed by this smooth. Leaning in to tilt, he lets himself melt, pressed up on the door for extra help. He knocks back bubbly sweet pecks on the pout. Then Jay smacks the tastebuds right out of his mouth. Hands roam beneath a hoodie’s oversized fit and claws get stuck on cashmere knit. </p><p> </p><p>They’ve only left each other’s literal sight, but this touch is as if they haven’t been together all night. The vibe is a soft welcome home with a ‘where the fuck have you been’ kind of slap.</p><p> </p><p>If these walls could talk, this paper door would have the most to say. Lucky that’s not the case. They’re free to adore.</p><p> </p><p>They pull back, arms travel around the younger’s waist and the older’s neck, in a daze, breathing in sighs. It’s not long that these heavy-lidded looks turn into the goofiest, toothiest smiles. They stay this way, holding each other, trying not to break face.</p><p> </p><p>Darkness was fun. They felt more, learned more, and made peace with their shadow selves. </p><p> </p><p>However, Jay thinks of what he’s missed, the shades of blue that black brought out. What a shame not to see those pretty eyes, that playful smirk, and those frustrated eyebrows curl. Even the silly tears. He keeps feeling robbed. The injustice. Jay holds onto this vision, not wanting to stop.</p><p> </p><p>Those thoughts reflect in Jungwon’s mind. How mean, to sit in a room without a view of Jay. So mean. What a waste of charm, and soft, and sharp. He missed this animated sequence. This pretty bird does not belong in the dark. For as long as he can, until sheepishness takes over, he’ll keep watch.</p><p> </p><p>Outside they hear general disorder to the tune of dear deer and penguin prince. They’d be laughing if they paid mind, but this closet is all about selective focus.  </p><p> </p><p>Made shy by this abundance of eye contact, Jay tears away, spying a belt within his periphery. His lip curls and picks it up. One more time, he’ll play dress-up. This belt returns from whence it came, back home to Yang slacks. Carefully, he threads this white strap through loops and takes his time, knowing he only gets five tries. He lifts the hem of this hoodie for the first loop in the front, does the same for the second loop on the side, then he hooks his chin over this collar to reach to the loop behind. Actions loop for the last two loops until it all comes around full circle.</p><p> </p><p>Jay stays wholesome, each action maintaining pure utility. This is just his hobby, he likes to dress people and it’s always a pleasure to dote on his favorite doll.</p><p> </p><p>Flustered by this anticipatory service Jungwon’s eyes purposely wander, looking for a distraction. That’s when guilt hits, seeing that cashmere worse for wear. He grimaces knowing he did this and keeps doing this in anger.  ‘<em>Oh, shirt.</em>’</p><p> </p><p>With a strong compassion for fashion, he evens out knit, stretching, and smoothing again. When he finds himself idling down the body of the shirt to its frayed hem, he resets and takes it from the top, spending more time on the collar where he’s done the most damage. At the point where Jay rests his chin on his shoulder to loop around, he pulls the fabric back to knock some of these kinks out. Sleeking knit, he has a private laugh at the absurdity of this pragmatic hug. This shirt goes from odd couture to fancy asymmetric, faithful to Jay’s standards.</p><p> </p><p>The white strap weaves through double D-buckles and all that’s left to fasten is a pull. Jay hesitates, not wanting this moment to end. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon feels that pause. He looks up and reads it all over hyung’s face. He feels the same way. This collar’s done but he lingers.</p><p> </p><p>As penance for teasing and in empathy for Jay’s persistently curb-stomped appetite, he leans left into his version of cute. Fingers leave knit, drift up this neck, and coil behind ears deliberately slow. The older boy’s focus shifts to that rising touch. On the door he lifts on his toes, knowing this effort shows intent like the leaden look in his eyes, and his crooked smile, and the angle of his head. </p><p> </p><p>That face he makes hits Jay right the feels. Top lip puffs out, lower lip tucks in, and a tiny bit of teeth peek. It’s a precious smile, enamored and unashamed to be. His gaze is benevolent, seeing in soft focus, multifaceted. Openly, he takes a deep breath and exhales a dreamy sigh, shoulders rising, falling, chest dipping deep in exhale.</p><p> </p><p>This earns an authentic head tilt, “Aww. Jay-ah,” Bee Yang hums in a whipped honey mood. “You pretty, pretty bird.”</p><p> </p><p>The belt tightens with a firm tug and the grip on this strap draws close double Ds to <em>Balenciaga</em> B’s. </p><p> </p><p>Jay’s mind is ablaze. “Caged,” he gets suave right into personal space.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmph. No.” Wonie pouts with a fluffy head shake, “It’s not a cage.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ri<em>ii</em>ight,” he sounds unconvinced and looks like he’s starving, speaking to bread. “either way, I tweet.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s foul,” he scoffs, offended by the implication. “It’s an aviary,” he nods goofy, toothy, and sweet. </p><p> </p><p>Synonymity has this bird laughing through his nose, “Like a geodesic dome?”</p><p> </p><p>Words matter, Wonie knows. His eyes go wide with ambition, “More like a geodesic globe.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow. For me?” Honored, Jaybird gasps, “Oversized!”</p><p> </p><p>“Opulence.” Boss Yang’s eyebrows dance while he whisper sings, “The world is ours”</p><p> </p><p>He enables this whisper singing with, “World is ours,” because at any volume, these vocals are worth hearing.</p><p> </p><p>This boy would be dancing if he didn’t have his hands full. For now, this multifaceted truth he sings is enough. “Don’t you know I’m a 내가 널 이끄는 boss” ( <em>boss that leads you </em> ) </p><p> </p><p>That generosity and that song deserve a tilt, “Aww,” he lands a peck on that cheek, “Wonie bee,” then he parks another chirp on the other cheek.</p><p> </p><p>That blonde tickles and this boy chooses to tickle. He stifles a giggle. “Oh, Beekeeper ahjussi,” he drones, dropping a honeyed kiss on that beak.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s all miniature grins. “Honey bee,” he coos with a tasty smooch. “Sweet bee,” he nips at lips with no excuse.</p><p> </p><p>Smitten, this kitten tears away with a blush, “Stop? Not so much. I’m buzzed,” multifaceted. This boy is still drunk and high on feels.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww,” hyung tilts, he lilts, he sighs. “You’re a doll,” he stays on hold, literally biting his own tongue.</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft. You’re a chair,” he huffs, mildly upset with an order complied.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a no,” Jay rejects that reality and substitutes his own. “Boy, I am a throne,” he nods, insisting on price difference because money matters, “and you are a king.”</p><p> </p><p>That hyperbolic bullshit earns an incredulous, “Wha<em>a</em>at? Me? Naw. A king? Pshh.” Jungwon’s dismissive but all teeth.</p><p> </p><p>“You ARE royalty, my king.” Just like that, he’s back on the smooth smooches, meeting that mouth with a lippy nudge.</p><p> </p><p>Overcome with a blush, the King chases back that nudge with a tender crisp touch of lips. Eyes closed, he stays on this Subject for a little longer. When he pulls away, he stays on the subject. </p><p> </p><p>“Then…” he stalls, unsure how this given title will be taken, “you’re the Hand of the king,” he says low and does a slow once-over of this hyung. </p><p> </p><p>“Ooh.” Jay looks up to the far left corner of the closet and says the first words in his mind, “I like that power.”</p><p> </p><p>Wonie’s mouth flies open, impressed. “Exactly! I appreciate how you’ve got <em>our</em> priorities on lock.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck yeah, I do!” Jay scrunches his nose, elated with how well he’s learned to speak in Jungwon.</p><p> </p><p>They disassemble this hug to exchange soundless bro high-fives and fist bumps that fizzle into lateral jazz hands. They share a muted laugh, bumped and fived hands over mouths. </p><p> </p><p>Back on the door, Jungwon folds his arms and leans backward, giggling through his nose. Jay falls back in line resting an elbow.</p><p> </p><p>This bird sends a thinly coded message laid on thick. He bends. He leans. He breathes, “Take this Hand?”</p><p> </p><p>Boss’s eyes stay focused on the floor. He receives that forwarded message. With a slight smile he responds with a nod, “In time. Just keep holding me, Hand.”</p><p> </p><p>Unsatisfied he’s indulged himself rotten, Jay comes back with a greedy, “Oh, you,” and gets a palm to the face.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon throws the game and wins a bird in his palm. “Enough? We have work. Plus I’m thirsty.” He means literally.</p><p> </p><p>“FffphfF?!” Jay blows squished raspberries into this hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut it,” Yang-deo he rolls his pretty eyes, wiping his spittle hand onto Jay’s shirt. “For real, I need liquid water.” Without hesitation he turns, grabs the doorknob, and mocks himself in private for this corny, multifaceted truth.</p><p> </p><p>At 1:20 in the morning the closet door swings open to, “NO MORE SYLLABLES,” a disembodied scream from an unseen Park. Somewhere, Heeseung bursts into muffled laughs.</p><p> </p><p>Jaywon’s eyebrows rise to hairlines then fall into complimentary knots puzzled by the dissonance of sound versus the sparse scenery. </p><p> </p><p>At first glance, the kitchen appears empty. Soon, they find three boys with their backs to them huddled together, sharing a comforter underneath the dining room table. Jay grimaces, wondering whose duvet that is because that floor is literally filthy. He thinks of all the feet and the fallen food that floor’s been intimate with. He prays to ENGENE it’s not his. </p><p> </p><p>Speaking of filth, this exchange between the only speaking voices in this room seem to be coming from somewhere by the island and the far counter. The tone between Sunghoon and Heeseung shifts from hilarious aggression to flirtatious bullshit. The air is so dense and thick with that vibe, it’s stupid.</p><p> </p><p>Unable to pay attention to anything other than his ailing hydration levels, Jungwon makes a beeline for a half-empty liter bottle of <em>smartwater Alkaline</em> on the counter. Quickly he swipes it off, uncaps the bottle, and turns up. Several glugs in he sees Jay shaking, <em>Galaxy</em> in hand, bugging out. The older boy’s jaw is unhinged yet takes his assigned task to heart, diligently filming the floor, bent over the island for a better view. </p><p> </p><p>At Sunghoon’s honey-laden “Darling,” Jay almost gags, footage shaking in a full-bodied cringe.</p><p> </p><p>Unbothered to put down the bottle, Jungwon keeps drinking while he creeps closer for a look. He expects something hilarious that would justify Jay’s acerbic reaction but finds himself floored by the boys on the floor. Eyebrows fly way above this water bottle. In a beat, he’ll struggle to process his feelings.</p><p> </p><p>Then Heeseung says, “Aww… Baby doll,” and Jungwon almost sprays a throat full of <em>smartwater</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, this all clicks. Why those images made him uncomfortable, why he’s been struck with a feeling he can’t place. This is more than a dongsaeng son walking in on his hyung fathers in the middle of a scene he’d rather change the channel on. This is about deep, personal relatability and concentric empathy.</p><p> </p><p>He sees things at face value and is faced with the fact that he is fazed.</p><p> </p><p>Sunghoon, his visuals dad, drips with sweetness when he speaks yet glowers with so much ire while he sits atop abdominal muscles belonging to Heeseung, his primary hyung father, looking like the deer he is with wide eyes, acting like prey, restrained and loving it. Instantly, he clocks this pose and then some. He’s long since recognized his inner predatory Hoon. Adoption into this family of Knives went beyond visuals. Dealing with that is still tough despite predictability. What shakes him to shudder is accepting that he’s been in <em>this</em> position and understands exactly how Heeseung <em>physically</em> feels. Sure, the lights were off, he didn’t see but he <em>knows</em>. These shared experiences. Like father, like son—they <em>know</em>.</p><p> </p><p>And then there’s ‘Aww... Baby doll’. He might need to hop into therapy to unpack how those wires cross. Now memories are tainted and he worries he might keep seeing his fathers in Jay instead of just <em>his</em> Everyday Jay. He regrets allowing ‘bae bee’ and he regrets calling him ‘son’ so many times.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon has an existential crisis.</p><p> </p><p>This son of two hyungs and heir of six sons slowly recaps water and sets it back on the counter. He turns to Jay with his head at a mechanical swivel, snatching his phone back. Single eye twitching, he points the lens right at this flailing bird. Jay sweats. He lets him sweat.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon realizes the Park hyungs have been long-time workshop partners. He gets that he has a few more <em>things</em> in common with his hyung father, similar predatory bird attacks. Obviously, there’s a lot more to JaySeung than their similar vocabulary of sweet nothings. This Venn diagram might have a notable, maybe sizable, overlap.</p><p> </p><p>Sheep Jungwon wears a face of a child doing complex bird math. This disproves balanced equations and quadratic formulas he’s spent too many hours trying to solve. When all he had to factor in was himself being like Sunghoon and Heeseung this was simpler. Maybe he put Jay on too high a pedestal to break down why he felt so equal to Jungwon. Numbers, symbols, and three letters repeating flash in his mind. He recharts, regraphs, and redraws lines. He sees the shape. It’s a beast with too many angles and curves. This shape is terrifying and this is his beast. Nay, this shape is THEIR beast. </p><p> </p><p>Math dissolves and he’s left with words, mostly normal fucked up stuff.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What is this? This is fucked up… my favorite people are so fucked up... and I’m like them? But I like them and I’m fucked up… but I like me... and Jay... is... but he? And Hee? And Hoon? PLUS ME? No! That’s fucked up. Jay hyung— AH, SHIP!? I mean, Jay-ah, noOoO! My god this is so fucked up it makes me feel normal. Oh. I... feel normal? Is that what this is? Do I feel fucked up because I feel normal? Fucked up, but wow. What a gift. I’ll take this fucked up gift. This is okay. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Finally, I feel normal. Hooray.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>These thoughts change this young Leader’s perspective and this vicious scowl turns into a playful smirk plus a coquettish raise of an eyebrow.  </p><p> </p><p>This standing Park hyung’s mouth dances while in a shrug with his palms up. He grimaces toothy, pouts hard, bites his lower lip, then sticks his tongue out—a wordless admission that yes, birds of a feather do wrestle, and yes, while he might’ve been a garbage flirt with hyungie, a lot of himSeung rubbed off on him, hard.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon shakes his head with a smile, leaning over the kitchen island to rest his elbows, and draws his focus back to his main priority—work. Work meaning, capturing this filthy floor routine on video for potential blackmail collateral. </p><p> </p><p>Jay strolls over and drapes himself on this boy King like a heavy full-length mantle. Still up to task, he lends his strength with a stable grip on those wrists, steadying the <em>Galaxy</em> in Yang Leader’s hands. The footage shakes when they quietly laugh, mocking the tension stacking between these two hyungs who’ve made sport of restraint. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dummies. Get a door.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The Leader-ship lets this happen, whatever this is with hyung parents HeeHoon. The show goes on. They join the wrapped audience under the table from over the counter. Game recognizes game and they get that life. Some things have to fall left to feel right.</p><p> </p><p>They film in silence until it looks like they’re about to cross a line <em>they</em>’ve long left behind. A shade of jealousy colors this decision. The boys on the floor are about to get a Parental Filter thrown over courtesy of an approving audience. Actively, they’re hypocrites but for <em>this</em> life, the logic is sound. That isn’t the sort of thing that should happen in or be enabled by mixed company. Discretion is key and there can only be one JayWon.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe this is the sort of call Jungwon has to keep making with his team, this family of homies. These feral teens. While he’s smart, he isn’t perfect and still just a rookie dummy of a kid. They all are. There’s still so much to learn.</p><p> </p><p>Like all good fathers, he raises his inherited sons to do better than he has and try to provide what he ultimately wants for himself, time and space to <em>live</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Later, after guilt gifts, he grants his hyung fathers—his hyung sons—one more present: a closed door. He offers some paternal advice on how to get away with crimes with the words, “Don’t be so loud.”</p><p> </p><p>Yang Jungwon lets them live.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>Curious about the kitchen floor?</p><p>Check out <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28092081/chapters/69311982#workskin"><strong>Player 01 &amp; Player 02</strong></a> and/or follow <strong><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28092081/chapters/69312327">Jungwon &amp; Jay</a> </strong>out of the closet in Spa Day 2020. </p><p>Wanna skip to the closed door?</p><p>See what Heeseung and Sunghoon do with the advice “Don’t be so loud” at <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29364219"><b>Enough Flirtatious Bullshit</b></a>.</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
Join us next time for the real finale, the <strong>EPILOGUE<br/>
</strong><strong>a</strong>n<strong>d</strong> some supe<strong>r</strong> secr<strong>e</strong>t extr<strong>a</strong> content, <strong>m</strong>'kay?</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is the end of 0204. Technically, the end of the main isolated arc between Jay-ah and Wonie. Next installments will be... longer (ish?) because the door opens and everyone gets a chance to come together and interact in Pause Mode Proper (that's what I'm calling the epilogues and the insert one-shots.) Same deal as in Spa Day, we got an epilogue and an extra after the "end."</p><p>Like I've mentioned before, we still go from <b>3AM to 3AM</b>. The only math worth upholding IMO. </p><p>This was such a fun write for me. It reminded me of how much fun I had writing Player 01 &amp; Player 02. IMHO, this is a good side-piece (pff) I mean read with that chapter and vice versa.</p><p>✨💚 SSpian0 🍏✨</p><p>p.s.<br/>Happy 100 days to my fellow ENGENE everywhere! It’s been such a ride. I’m so happy we all got on this chaotic journey together. This is my first kpop fandom and already I’ve had the time of my life. Here’s to ♾ more days with EN— as EN🔀 ❣️</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. EP1LOGUE: a REGATTA?!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jaywon divide and conquer on a soul level. (1/2)</p><p>Jungwon changes into jammies.<br/>Jay gets served cold tea.</p><p>They brush their teeth with SunKi, chip away at the fathership and get Jake, in no particular order.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: this is dense. The epilogue stars the whole ensemble. </p><p>I will not compromise. For max ENjoyment, I pulled a Zeus, cut the epilogue in two. </p><p>Please ENjoy part one of 0204’s Epilogue.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day in and the day out merge. An open door and an intent to connect make two plus five seven again. Parallel timelines become concentric, undivided by paper walls.</p><p> </p><p>At 1:30 in the morning, a heptagon reassembles and time becomes a flat circle.</p><p> </p><p>Three hours pass after entering the dorm to the smell of decadent cheese, delicate tea, and impassioned screams. Finally, JayWon come out finger guns blazing… but it takes ten minutes of HeeHoon’s flirtatious bullshit before  they have the floor. </p><p> </p><p>They have no right to complain. </p><p> </p><p>They’ve been and done the most, flying so close to these sons exposing their crimes. Like ghosts, they shared space on a paranormal plane. If anyone bothered to turn around or had a moment of <em>actual</em> silence, <em>those</em> homies would’ve known <em>these</em> homies were home. They’re not that slick—no one in this dorm is, but they’re moths, drawn to the delicious light of their own arcs.</p><p> </p><p>One could call this day a Spa Day miracle or the universe where Icarus survives.</p><p> </p><p>Things fall right for Jungwon and Jay because they took time to appreciate space. They acquire the entrance they desire, instilling fear and intimidating with mercy.</p><p> </p><p>They keep their secrets. Kind of. Sort of. They do but they don’t. Like successful people, they act knowing that strategy, timing, and luck is key. TLDR; they socially manipulate. No malice, yes mischief, plus a little tough love. That’s how this Leader-ship plays. Rough.</p><p> </p><p>To establishing dominance and foreshadowing their reign, as blue-skied they divide and conquer. The gifts will deliver conquest, but first, a set up for division. In mixed company, they answer vaguely. Disclosure is reserved for isolated points to build trust.</p><p><br/>
________________________________</p><p><span class="Apple-converted-space">⭘</span> HS  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> SH  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> JK  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> SN  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> NK*<br/>
________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Boss Yang hangs back, sprinkling sweet and salty bait. Tactician Park gathers prey. </p><p> </p><p>Naturally, the first target is Jake. After outing himself as Park Fedora’s assailant he‘s set up to be vulnerable.</p><p> </p><p>“The fuck?!” Jake springs from under the table, nearly capsizing a seat. “You know about the fedora?? AND the cheese? HOW.”</p><p> </p><p>A slight dimple creases Jungwon’s worn facade. Inside his mouth his tongue touches a canine. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gotcha, bitch.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jay takes the signal and makes a move. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>________________________________</p><p><span class="Apple-converted-space">⭘</span> HS  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> SH  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> JK  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> SN  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> NK*<br/>
________________________________</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you, Shim Jake, I should kill you!” He rages with a split-second grin over a scowl, flying across the room cawing, “That fedora means <em>something</em> to me!”</p><p> </p><p>That subliminal smile scares exactly one drop of piss. “OH SHIT.”</p><p> </p><p>In a flash, Jake is airborne. He scoots across the tabletop and bolts to the hallway. Seeking safe haven, he heads to the bedroom, scampering like a cartoon dog. Fear takes over. He forgets doors close. That cup slung on a bed comes back to haunt. He nearly wipes out when it mysteriously appears in front of his shared bunk.</p><p> </p><p>That’s when an classy bird dives to the rescue. Jay rounds the corner, glides into the room, and sees Jake go diagonal. He lunges, arms outstretched, and scoops this charming little bitch by the waist and the tops of his shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>Heart thumping out of his chest, Jake reflexively clutches the lean guns he’s swaddled in.</p><p> </p><p>Jay holds so tight he feels a pulse through his grip. This action was pure utility and muscle memory took over.</p><p> </p><p>Trembling like a thunderstruck puppy, Jake is swept up in the moment. Wires cross within this indulgent back hug. He wilts into this security, squeezing the hand on his collar.</p><p> </p><p>Faced with complex bird math, Jay’s grasp goes slack. A wholesome grand maternal side activates. He elects to keep this embrace until Jakey calms down.</p><p> </p><p>And that’s when Jake’s brain leaves the building. With a velvet touch, he slides his thumb across <em>this</em> Park’s hand, lifts it to his lips, and touches base with a tender kiss on the palm. </p><p> </p><p>Aghast, Jay flattens that mouth, gripping face with fingers digging into cheeks. He shifts Jake to face the bunk in clear view of the large dog plush under covers.</p><p> </p><p>Jake melts spontaneously. He doesn’t know what it is he’s looking at but he drowns in a flood of happy memories and deep liquid emotion. He breathes deep and exhales a full-bodied sigh.</p><p> </p><p>This bird clicks his tongue. He lets that shuddering swoon happen, feels it all in his palm, and enjoys every bit of payoff. When he’s had enough, he moves.</p><p> </p><p>He pours a silken whisper into Jake’s ear. “Shim Jake. Keep your damn mouth shut about this or you die tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>“MmeEephff??!” Jake screams, muffled by grip strength. A new kink is added to his frayed psyche.</p><p> </p><p>Satisfied with that terror, Jay lets go and wipes hands on suit pants.</p><p> </p><p>Jake grabs his knees and steadies his breath, afraid he might faint, “Aack?! I’m sorry! Don’t kill me Ja—<em>yYiiiP</em>!?” Suddenly, he wears an arm like a scarf, a headlock <em>Made by Jay</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, it won’t be me,” Jay says with a curious accent. “<em>He</em> doesn’t like when you touch his <em>things</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? OH.” That implication sinks in a snap. Jake looks up, eyes sparkling with curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>Jay looks down at the pup he's impounded and sticks his tongue out through a carefree smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Ohohohoho!” Jake’s mouth is a huge triangle with rounded edges.</p><p> </p><p>Nodding in hummingbird, Jay unwraps a slice of American cheese with teeth.</p><p> </p><p>When Jake starts to tilt in an all caps ‘AW’ Jay hauls him out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>Before passing through the doorframe Jay warns, “If you want to stay alive,” he beams, “stay scared.”</p><p> </p><p>Jake nods, semi-hard Australian cheesing for his mates. Jay picks up the pace, stomps down the hallway with big ‘YA’ energy, and jumps into kitchen conversation.</p><p> </p><p>In Spa Day Out fashion, this was ‘a blink and you’d miss it’ moment. All but 2Js blinked. That’s how things go when you drink in minutes like months.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>One down. Four to go.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jay submits a report with a sharp raise of an eyebrow. He gets a languid blink in response.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>________________________________</p><p><span class="Apple-converted-space">⭘</span> HS  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> SH  ◉ <strike>JK</strike>  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> SN  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> NK*<br/>
________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Under the guise of shooting video, Jungwon takes notes. As Jay has a Fedora and Cheese meltdown, he sifts over the overarching shock of their abrupt appearance with digital zoom.</p><p> </p><p>A gleam of teeth with real relief; an omniscient but aloof eye; stiffness within flowy body language; a sneaky gaze begging to be noticed; the shake of pupils with a smile.</p><p> </p><p><em>That checks out.     </em><em>Things</em> are complicated, but ostensibly above board.</p><p> </p><p>At a corner of kitchen talk, he ends recording and drops the guilt gift bomb to scatter the crew. </p><p> </p><p>To up the ante, he misdirects with honesty, “I’m about to crash. I’ve been up since 4:00 and I can’t… I can’t summon anymore fucks to give. That well is dry for the next few hours.”</p><p> </p><p>On the way out, Jungwon walks into Jay. From the outside, it looks like a bump, but it’s an armless hug, a starter to dish with whoever noticed. Likewise, it’s a statement that he is fading, <em>he</em> is missed and would like later soon.</p><p> </p><p>Jay hurts himself with discipline. They’ve been passing a glass of water to compensate. Sure, they’re <em>actually</em> thirsty but like everything the Leader-ship does, it’s selfless multitasking. It’s hard to go without when you're accustomed to luxury.</p><p> </p><p>Leader-nim waves, sweeping eyes across the kitchen. He studies the variable looks in response, fixing on Jay’s next two targets, his hyung fathers. Sunghoon’s heavy-lidded raise of eyebrows and Heeseung’s crooked, closed-mouth smile.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Good hunting.</em>
</p><p><br/>
________________________________</p><p>◎ HS  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> SH  ◉ <strike>JK</strike>  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> SN  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> NK*<br/>
________________________________</p><p> </p><p>With that in play, he leaves on a solo mission. The target is a wild card requiring personal attention. He lures with a sidelong glance as he turns around.</p><p> </p><p>“Goodnight,” he slips a motive within his out, “I’m gonna go brush my teeth. I need to brush my teeth. I need clean teeth…”</p><p> </p><p>Niki boldly takes the bait to pursue conquest of good oral hygiene.<br/>
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</p><p>________________________________</p><p><span class="Apple-converted-space">◎</span> HS  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> SH  ◉ <strike>JK</strike>  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> SN  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> NK*<br/>
________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Lit with a smile, he shares, “…and I can tell you about how I’m allowed to drop the ‘hyung’ around Sunoo now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Nice.” Wonie throws a fist quickly bumped, “Did you try that thing we workshopped?”</p><p> </p><p>That drive-by hits. Sunoo screeches, “What the fuck?!”</p><p> </p><p>Feline predators swap toothy grins, bumping paws prowling to the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>“I killed.” Niki admits to crimes, “I moved! I shook. No injuries. Yes fatalities. I got Hyung Line minus Jay fist bumps. You’d be proud.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am! Good job,” JungHyung flips the light switch, “Who hit first?”</p><p> </p><p>“WE did,” maknae boasts, hand to the back of his neck. “He, emotionally. Me, physically.”</p><p> </p><p>Hyung Leader reaches for floss, “Ha! Was he floored?”</p><p> </p><p>Niki mutes a high-pitched scream with his teeth, “YeeE<em>E!</em> In private-public! How’d you guess?”</p><p> </p><p>Wonie’s mouth hangs agape, buzzing by proxy, “I mean!? Archetypes?” He snaps a length of floss. “AND I am your hyung. I do <em>know</em> things,” and he’s done things. Always, game recognizes game.</p><p> </p><p>A packet of floss is tossed from elder and younger dongsaeng.</p><p> </p><p>“Too smart, hyung,” floss is caught with one hand. “What about you?” He fetches a glass to fill with tap.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon puffs his cheeks with dodgy eye contact, “Well. I broke a chair…” he snickers.</p><p> </p><p>“Emotionally?” Niki asks. When the response is a shrug he slaps <em>his</em> rear, whisper shrieking, “Daaamn! Won, you HO!”</p><p> </p><p>“Shush?! Keep an open mind? It was wholesome,” he coughs, “-ish. I mean, I was good. And <em>bad</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like... SO bad?” The puma raises a brow, smirking.</p><p> </p><p>The cat’s brows dance, “You know it.”</p><p> </p><p>“OW!” Niki gets on his toes, points up, and laughs. “Hee-hee!” </p><p> </p><p>They break face, leaning on the counter like a friend. Workshop is all about talking in test about tests and testifying about testing boys. There is no language barrier.</p><p> </p><p>“See?” Smiling wide, Niki pulls a foot of floss, “I get <em>that</em> hyung.” Courteously, he passes a glass anticipating a need to gargle.</p><p> </p><p>This kind of <em>thing</em> is why this maknae is the perfect test subject.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, you do.” Jungwon nods, taking the glass and raises pre-gargle water. “A toast. To workshop working.”</p><p> </p><p>This sort of <em>thing</em> is exactly why this hyung is his ideal analog.</p><p> </p><p>“Here, here.” Niki lifts long floss, “Do another soon?”</p><p> </p><p>“I gotcha, Niki buddy,” then he swigs too much water to gargle.</p><p> </p><p>“Same, HyungWonie,” then he winds too long a length of floss.</p><p> </p><p>The air shifts while swishing water through teeth and a wax thread coils between fingers. That thread IS long but it winds too slow. This hyung can read, he saw and he knows. Maybe maknae does also.</p><p> </p><p>With a heavy heart, Won taps an arm with a soft backhand. </p><p> </p><p>The youngest looks up from floss and sees that look in the mirror. Fingers bound, he sits on the counter and leans on a close friend.</p><p> </p><p>Eyes to the mirror, Jungwon rests his head over ash blonde and asks below a whisper, “Nishimura. You holding out on me?”</p><p> </p><p>Niki responds with a tug on a sleeve with fingers flossed, a silent plea to come close. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon steps over and rests his hands on the surface on either side of this boy. He gives an ear, shielding Niki’s face from the door to keep confidentiality.</p><p> </p><p>The secret is barely audible, “Yang? I found out… I’m like you,” he mumbles in mostly air and mouth sounds.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, no…” Jungwon matches his volume, “I’m sorry. That hurts,” he gives a protective hug. “You okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Niki tears up, “I saw it coming but I let it go. I was frozen,” he had to take this test to know. “I thought I’d be good but… feels bad, man.”</p><p> </p><p>He hesitates to ask, but to help heal he must, “You upset with anyone?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah… I just hurt myself.” He buries his face on a shoulder, “Guess I’m not as chill as I thought,” with wisdom beyond his years he asserts this truth, “but my jealousy doesn’t change my <em>Heart</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“True. Feel those feels, own it and push through.” Jungwon tightens the embrace. He offers advice he too must follow, “Trust. We got this.”</p><p> </p><p>Niki squeezes out his last tear and nods, resolute. Like an absolute mad lad, he breaks the floss binding his digits and wraps his arms around this dear friend-leader.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Jungwo-nim,” he says, clutching shoulders with a grip from behind “I needed to hear <em>you</em>, specifically.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s when Yang-deo sees Jake jog from the bedroom with blinders. Evidently, within earshot, he runs into Sunoo and speaks with a hyped up hush. Jungwon sets a trap and waits for JakeNo to come into view. He knows the good petty can do and he’ll turn their weakness into a gift for his only dongsaeng.</p><p> </p><p>He tips Niki off before they’re caught, “Don’t brush your teeth yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“… but I’m about to floss? Ah, no!” Maknae remembers he tore floss but forgets he can salvage this thread. Weary, he sinks into a deeper hug, upset he let his teeth down. “I wasted household resources…”</p><p> </p><p>The fox and the hound come into view right at that slump. Aghast is inadequate to describe Sunoo’s face but anything meaning more is hyperbolic bullshit.</p><p> </p><p>Stifling a laugh, Yang Teaser whispers a clear, “Own it,” then pulls away to suggest at a normal volume, “Maybe break for snacks?”</p><p> </p><p>Niki’s eyes widen, grinning in chibi.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon looks to the upper left corner of the mirror, shrugs, pets Niki on the nape, “Make it quick.” Then turns to shoot a casual call-out. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Jake hyung, got a sec?”</p><p> </p><p>“Sure!” Jake turns on the charm, hiding a low rumble of terror. “What can I do you for, m’lord?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay might’ve done too good a job. He’ll get thanked later.</p><p> </p><p>On the way to Jake, he passes a slack-jawed Sunoo. Nyang-deo will be a bro. He sets a sweet yet heavy claw on the bewildered fox’s shoulder, lifts a paw to a chin, and shuts that mouth manually.</p><p> </p><p>“Get cute.” Nyang-bro baits with a leer.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo’s brows scurry up with a smile triggered by the word ‘cute’. Poor lad never saw it coming. A superhuman flick of the wrist lobs him into the arms of an expecting puma.<br/>
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</p><p>________________________________</p><p><span class="Apple-converted-space">◎</span> HS  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> SH  ◉ <strike>JK</strike>  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> SN  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> <em>NK*<br/>
________________________________<br/>
</em></p><p> </p><p>Soon as he makes the pass, Jungwon takes an excerpt from the book of Nishimura. He stumbles over to Jake, throwing his arms over mate’s shoulder and waist, spinning him to face the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>Jake <em>knows</em> things but plays dumb for two reasons: One, this is adorable. The dongsaeng line’s pro-SunKi agenda has his blessing. Two, he’s a sucker for treats. This pose makes him feel like a teen Gene Kelly with a cute boy Cyd Charisse.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon also has two reasons for bugging with this cuddle. One, to conceal crimes by monopolizing attention. Two, JungWants to. Jake is <em>down </em>and far as he knows, there’s no reason to mindfuck. Feeling guilt for dunking on Jake without Jake so much, he pays off karmic debt with a wholesome hug.</p><p> </p><p>“Aww?” Cautiously, puppy hyung hugs this randomly affectionate cat back, “I love you too, Yang Jungwonie.”</p><p> </p><p>“I never said that,” fickle Nyangwon scoffs and wobbles the hug. “but same, Shimp Jake.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?” Briefly, he gets distracted by a fragrance. He starts to turn his head, wondering if it’s <em>Eau de Jay</em>. “What was that?”</p><p> </p><p>In a rush to divert, Jungwon slaps a hand sandwich with Jake. “You’re forgiven for the cup,” he mashes cheeks in palms, “and if you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here for you, son.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, ‘kay?” Jake is stuck on a scent, having his lips in a forced pucker with lopsided eye contact is… different, and the offer doesn't help. He smells a trap but it tempts. He eyes broadness like bread. “That’s prime real estate for tears, but why the spacial treatment?” </p><p> </p><p>“Who knows Jakey?” Leader-nim drops a heavy crumb, “Maybe you need that much room to cry.”</p><p> </p><p>Jake freezes. Why that cuts, he can’t guess. He drops his guard. “How—?”</p><p> </p><p>Whatever’s needed cloaking in the bathroom ends and it’s time to put the puppy down.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon tells the truth, “I don’t, but take that room anytime.” He waves, strolling off, unbothered to stay for a response.</p><p> </p><p>Just a little, Jake swerves for that familiar swagger. He mumbles, “Thanks for the hug…” Distracted by a sense, he throws caution to the wind. For the sake of discovery, he’ll be an idiot with a death wish. He thinks aloud, “Alright then, I’m gonna go smell Jay for science,” and he takes a brisk walk under a bus.<br/>
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</p><p>________________________________</p><p><span class="Apple-converted-space">◎</span> HS  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> SH  ◉ <em><strike>JK</strike> </em> <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> SN  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> <em>NK*<br/>
________________________________<br/>
</em></p><p> </p><p>Pretty eyes narrow at the sound of a scamp. He has limits but he lets go. On his way back to clean teeth, he’s tagged by a linked arm.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo giggles, “Pffft! That hyung. He don’t love hisself,” he shakes his head, approving of disapproval</p><p> </p><p>“Ddeonu, do me a favor?” Boss Nyang says blank, “Keep 2Js out of my sight.”</p><p> </p><p>Niki snickers, brushing freshly disheveled hair in the mirror.</p><p> </p><p>This fox raises a brow, “Forever?” he asks with the sweetest, slyest smile.</p><p> </p><p>Impressed, Cat-Leader spikes back a Cheshire smile, “Nah. Just tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo smirks, “You got it, bro-deo.” He salutes, then trots off to hunt down Jake.<br/>
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</p><p>________________________________</p><p>◎ HS  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> SH  ◉ <em><strike>JK</strike> </em> <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> <em>SN</em>  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> <em>NK*<br/>
________________________________<br/>
</em></p><p> </p><p>Sections of hair out of place, Niki cheeses at his reflection, pleased with himself. He slinks an arm over Jungwon as he steps to the sink.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re having dessert,” he says with his tongue in his teeth, “but I’ll chill until Sunoo’s back with mincho.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon scrunches his nose, “Pffft! You deserve,” he picks up floss and elbows Niki, “Look at you with your no hyung! You’ve grown up so fast.” He dabs an imaginary tear.</p><p> </p><p>Hand over his chest, Niki takes a few bows, “Ah, thank you. Ah, thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“GET OUT!” Jay Jakes off while hugging his friends.</p><p> </p><p>Under that duvet of sound, Jungwon shifts gears. He finger hearts Niki to death, but there’s that lingering ‘death’ part he needs to take out.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, real quick.” Yang goes dark, all color drains out, “About VLIVE chat. Lemme cut back the salt.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh? <strike>Bor</strike>—m<em>mrrf!”</em> a strike through Niki’s reply comes via a hand clapped over his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“NO!” Jay is irate. He’s been Jaked off too many times today, “You don’t belong in this moment!” It’s getting to the point where he can’t Jake off anymore. It’s starting to hurt. Emotionally. “NOT THIS FUCKING MOMENT.” But birddamnit, there’s something special about a good Jake.</p><p> </p><p>Messages spam the HOA communiqué. As per Halmeoni’s injunction, certain recipients are off the chain. They’ll handle this internally until cash runs dry.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, eyes go dagger-sharp. “Shut the fuck up,” Jungwon cuts with a sterile edge. “Take that to your grave. Never speak on that. That was very bad. Never acknowledge it, that bad. Not cool bad, just fucking bad. You fucked us up, that bad. Like, I could kill you with my hands, BAD. A part of me will always hold a grudge and if <em>this</em> goes south, you know we share a house.” He grits, releases his grip, and throws them back in a hug, “but… thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>“What.” Maknae’s scared stiff in this hug. That was supposed to be scrubbed from his record.</p><p> </p><p>An eagle caws the ears off a deer and a penguin to drive back a dog, “Goddamnit can I not have nice things with you Jakeing it up with your fucking Jakeness?!”</p><p> </p><p>“It did things. Weird things. Good things,” Yang-deo smothers with a hug, “but don’t EVER do that again. Don’t try that with <em>him</em>,” to make that facet crystal, he points to the hall. “<em>He’s</em> got a weak heart and you don’t want the guilt of a psychic weapon. For <em>his</em> sake, find your own way.”</p><p> </p><p>A dog whines, after being pecked on. “I could cry!? I’m hurt! Hoon-ah, are you going to let him talk to me like that?” Jake is confused. He thought he was special. That hug-save made him feel so special.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, Jungwonie,” it was a good-natured stunt. Niki copied what he saw on TV, “I wanted to help.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sweet thought, but we’re cats,” he’s introspective enough know that they’re cute but evil. “Mind those claws.”</p><p> </p><p>Niki nods, accepting the scolding and the affection implicitly trusting his leadership.</p><p> </p><p>Hurt, a hound howls, “That’s cold!” Jake was being good. The injustice. Jake needs justice.</p><p> </p><p>“Heads up, keep an ear out.” Like close friends after a spat, he eases up, eases out, and moves on. “Jay hyung’s on the case.” He grooms the hair sticking up from this dongsaeng.</p><p> </p><p>“You still ‘hyung’?” he reaches to reciprocate, tousling fluffy black bangs for volume.</p><p> </p><p>A bird squawks when a fancy fox takes out the hound, “Thank you Sunoo-ya!”</p><p> </p><p>“When I want to.” Jungwon checks the mirror and gives a thumbs up. “He’s a <em>real</em> hyung and I respect that.”</p><p> </p><p>Eyeing his reflection, Niki also gives a thumbs up. “You are too. A <em>real</em> hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>Thumbs-ups become fists bumped that fizzle into jazz hands and evolve into finger hearts.</p><p> </p><p>Friendly screams travel down the hall. </p><p> </p><p>“You owe me a date!” It’s Kim Sunoo with some mincho plus a spoon and a handful of Shim Jake.</p><p> </p><p>Those words screamed set Puma in a deep scowl. Like the catHyung he is, Jungwon takes Niki by the shoulders, pushes him out of the bathroom, into the hall, and through the doorway of the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>“Go.” Nyang-deo points to not Niki’s bunk.</p><p> </p><p>Puma-san salutes with a toothy grin. “Hyung. Respect!” he whisper screams, spinning that salute into a turret of finger hearts, while he moonwalks to bunk steps with an awkward amount of eye contact. When he sees gifts, hands hit the ceiling with heart arms.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll buy you dinner!” A thankful bird cheeps excessively to a young fox.</p><p> </p><p>Wonie tosses back a flossy two-finger heart salute, sidestepping as Sunoo drags Jake by the hoodie hood.</p><p> </p><p>“It’ll be fancy!” Jay is SO loud.</p><p> </p><p>Flossing in the hall, Leader-nim shakes his head and tears into his gums. Dark mode whispers made him forget that consistently Jay is THE loudest.</p><p> </p><p>Once the hound is released, the fox glances at the cat, seeking permission. The cat softens. He answers with finger hearts with floss in teeth between. His expression is bloody teeth, but he curls his lips. He endorses this fancy alliance 3000% but above all, he trusts.</p><p> </p><p>That approval melts Sunoo’s heart. Ice cream plus a spoon and a hand cross over his chest, sprinting to Jungwon for a quick one-armed core squeeze. Then he screams, “It better be!”</p><p> </p><p>Wonie is rattled by that sudden scream in his ear, but he gets that life. Unbothered to stop flossing, he sways side to side in this brotherly hug.</p><p> </p><p>That sway emboldens extra request, “Take me shopping before we eat!”</p><p> </p><p>“I will!” Jay shrieks generously.</p><p> </p><p>Psyched for fancy times, Sunoo bobbles and wriggles floss in someone's maw.</p><p> </p><p>And then Jay says something so wrong for tonight. “Don’t take Niki!”</p><p> </p><p><em>BIRDDAMNIT.</em>     Floss cuts through gums again.</p><p> </p><p>“No offense Niki! You’re great!” Course, Jay doesn’t mean anything. He's just being a bird.</p><p> </p><p><em>Don’t talk to my son, you BIRD!!!   </em>Inherited paternal instincts go into overdrive.</p><p> </p><p>Carefree, Sunoo yells, “He's in bed!”</p><p> </p><p>Thinking quick, Jungwon lets floss dangle between teeth, grabs Sunoo by the sleeves, and pushes him into the bedroom to his bunk steps.</p><p> </p><p>Stomps rattle the bed frame. Niki peers over the bunk, thrilled to have dessert via bedside delivery. Mercifully, he’s dead to audio courtesy of high-fidelity gear by <em>Sennheiser.</em></p><p> </p><p>Jungwon sighs in relief. Those <em>Amazon</em> reviews were no joke.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo squeals, “MY BED!” he waves a spoon at Niki who waves back a dainty jewelry box. In a blink, the fox blurs. He howls from the top. “Also he doesn't mind!”</p><p> </p><p>Mouth in a bloody grimace, Yang Leader lets go of what he can’t grip. For the sake of his spirit and gums, he tunes out long-distance talk. Leader-him logs off, walks to the sink, loads toothpaste, and multitasks like a normal teenage boy. While he gargles bloody water he sends a text.</p><p> </p><p>    🍽<em> ttyl workshop?</em> 👯⛈🦅</p><p> </p><p>As soon as he sends the message, he gets a response.</p><p> </p><p>    🦊🪤👯 <em>OFC!!!!! YEEE</em> 👀</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo’s deal is beyond his scope. That’s Jay work. All he knows is that he’s got Niki, Niki’s got Sunoo and SunKi are happy with earpieces. HyungWonie feels like that’s a job well done.<br/>
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</p><p>________________________________</p><p>◎ HS  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> SH  ◉ <em><strike>JK</strike> </em> <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> <em>SN</em>  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◉</span> <em><strike>NK</strike>*<br/>
</em><em>________________________________</em></p><p> </p><p>Once he’s winter fresh he takes selective attention to detail and gets closer to <em>actually</em> winding down. He shuffles past a dear deer and two birdishly handsome Parks. He gives a tired eye-smile.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Two down. Three to go.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Then he enters the closet to get cozy in pajamas.<br/>
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</p><p>▣</p><p><br/>
Half-changed his mood swings. Dressing up feels off. He eyes the buttons of his pajama top with resentment and tears his gaze. That’s when he notices a luxury piece—a suit jacket that kept him going cold after being hot. It was flung across the closet onto a dresser.</p><p> </p><p>Tidying up, he takes the garment to hang with hung tops. It still smells <em>Fucking Fabulous</em>. He smiles, sighs, then cringes at himself for getting hung up on fashion. Loopy with withdrawal, he drapes the sleeves over his shoulders and soothes with a silly act of self-care. He gives this suit jacket a hug.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>This hug sucks… but eh, good enough.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>That piece of peace is pierced by a grateful fox. He howls, “I LOVE YOU JAY HYUNG!”</p><p> </p><p>JungWants to scream. He almost tears fabric but decides not to push his luck. He’s gotten off committing too many crimes of fashion for one day. Also, this suit jacket deserves respect. It’s been good to him.</p><p> </p><p>Eagle caws to rebuff. “DON’T DO THAT! THOSE WORDS AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE YELLED THROUGH A HALLWAY!!”</p><p> </p><p>This boy’s so tired he’s slipped into delirium. To him, that scream is a hug.</p><p> </p><p>Then a foxy come back reinforces brotherly trust, “NEITHER IS THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION TO BE FAIR!!!”</p><p> </p><p>Abruptly aware of his fragility, he sighs. He felt a lot.</p><p> </p><p>Buttons are up and pajamas are on but he lacks cozy, too keen of the voices outside. Fancy conversation’s passed and a delicate talk’s begun. He stares at the closet door, knowing if he eavesdrops he may bruise his heart.</p><p> </p><p>Everything is essentially okay but trust, it’s tough. On the fly, it’s hard to feel trust. He does, but he can only be himself. This way of feeling is part of himself. The peaks and valleys of intent and emotion create dissonance. To be just he must keep his actions flatlined… but jealousy IS yuja. While that sour makes the sweet, it cuts deep. Climbing that slope is a feat, at times it’s practically vertical. He fights to stay vertical. These feels are what push him horizontal and rage sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Distracting himself with a task, he takes that suit jacket again, snags a hanger, and walks to the line of hung tops.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s so sweet! You don’t have to do that.” Mathyung is emotional in the best possible way. He sounds flattered.</p><p> </p><p>Solace comes through that soothing tone. He’s glad Hee’s in good spirits. Maybe Jay extended a good-hearted gesture.</p><p> </p><p>“… But I’d love for you to dress me. Aww jeez, Jongseong.”</p><p> </p><p>If he had any moisture to spare he’d be sputtering out. Jungwon almost dives behind hung tops to take a soundproof rage nap.</p><p> </p><p>In frustration, he sucks in his teeth and draws blood from his gums. The aftertaste of sharp mint and dull iron triggers memories. They’re of good times with a friend, an innocent sole he’s corrupted and had to part ways with.</p><p> </p><p>Crime shoes. A shame it had to go, but it was time. That refreshes him with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>Twice he recalls looking to them in distress and found guidance. The first time, they were on his feet. Weaving through the city and unable to lift his eyes off the ground. He counted on them to spirit him to safety. Miraculously, crime shoes lead him to his favorite Park. The second time, they were off on the floorboard of a luxury ride. When he needed mercy, he looked to them for help. Like magic, he felt answers come. He remembered details that identified specific baggage.</p><p> </p><p><em>Actual</em> crime aside, he thinks fondly on those shoes like a lost charm. This thread lends him peace.</p><p> </p><p>While he waxes on an unspooled thread, the moment’s cut by a sound he recognizes, one he can’t ignore. A distinctly different sorrow at a distance. That distance dings.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Jay sounds like he might cry, “I just didn’t know how to come back around here for a while… and I didn’t want to cry anymore about you.” Definitely, Jay cries.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s hand goes over his chest with a gulp of emotion. Fingers clutch his pajama top to knead away the heartache. Absently, he curls a thumb under his collar and blinks deep.</p><p> </p><p>Like Niki knew about Sunoo’s sweet goodbye, he <em>knows</em>. Except he asked for this. It needs to happen. Deep down, this is what he wants for JaySeung. This is the comfort he wanted to give, a gift from himself.</p><p> </p><p>Alone in this closet, he wonders if he’s got any comfort left for himself. For some reason, he thinks of Jake and he hears a sly voice of reason say, ‘<em>He don’t love hisself</em>.’</p><p> </p><p>Again, he hugs himself.<em>   This hug is garbage.</em></p><p> </p><p>Frayed, he eyes the rack of hung tops like a display case of bread. The wall of fabric tempts. He wants to be horizontal and Esc-Key consciousness but he won’t. There’s a later in his horizon and a hand he wants to hold. This is a matter of discipline. He pushes through.</p><p> </p><p>Determined to be his best self, he turns his back on temptation and nearly falls walking into an old companion.</p><p> </p><p>Yang Backpack.<em>   Oh no. I’m sorry.</em></p><p> </p><p>Genuinely, he feels awful as if he’d kicked a puppy. This bag holds his everything, extra content, tasty but curious bread. This bag deserves respect. He remembers THIS and salvages this thread.</p><p> </p><p>He takes a knee, unzips to unpack loaves, a pair of gifts for his parent hyungs plus one he has yet to address, a notebook, his favorite pen, and a long powder blue folio with an eagle sticker in tiny.</p><p> </p><p>While he waits for a cue, he takes a brain vacation with a loose collection of totems, trusted sources of strength. Recharged by supportive evidence, he resets.</p><p> </p><p>Again, he hears a sound he can’t ignore, a frantic call of a concerned hyung father. “Did… Did you touch my son!?”</p><p> </p><p>At that, he jumps. “Woah, hey. I felt a little drunk again,” he says to no one, hit by mild vertigo going vertical too quickly.</p><p> </p><p>He shakes his hair, pats himself on the back, and grips an invisible hand.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>◈</p><p><br/>
The closet door opens to the thunderous clap back of a hyung father’s overwhelming love. </p><p> </p><p>“DON’T TOUCH MY SON,” says Heeseung with huge fiery eyes and a mind ablaze for reasons.</p><p> </p><p>Looking exactly how he feels, Jungwon wobbles out and dives into a conflict he has no awareness of, just context clues. That’s all he needs to freestyle scoff. Weighing Hee’s reaction with the microscopic size of a sharp beak, he submits an educated guess. That fatherly screech means that Jay was what he consistently is: too much, too soon with his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>“Jay hyung, did you have to say that? You know how crazy protective he gets. Do better.” </p><p> </p><p>Hearing back-up arrive just in time, Jay screams internally though externally he just cracks a smile. Most of his effort goes into keeping static instead of assaulting with a hug. This has to deescalate so he can tag out. There’s still a stray fox.</p><p> </p><p>Heeseung rushes to Jungwon to hover, however, his energy smothers with a swaddle. Dialing back from Prime Papa to concerned mathyung he asks, “Son! You okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm-hm.” Jungwon minimizes the truth. “I just came to get Jay hyung. We’re tired.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh?” Sunghoon’s been himself, exceedingly attentive, watching water boil, and thinking. Dunking on the <em>other</em> Park, he ices with an innocuous, “What’d you guys get up to today? I mean, yesterday.”</p><p> </p><p>That cold poke ruffles. Jay glares, knowing any animation is a win for the Prince. He keeps a side-eye until he can’t with him. Until then, he defers to the boss.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon sees those tiny fangs glint. Of fucking course, <em>that</em> Park sees things. He’d dish with ParkHoon, knowing he’d be proud, but his other dad’s there, and Hee looks tired, emotionally. Now is not the time. Having dropped his guard in fatigue, all this shows on his face. He covers his mouth, embarrassed to be transparent.</p><p> </p><p>Jay visibly panics. That’s this cat’s honest face. Now he just wants out of the kitchen. He just rebuilt a bridge and paternity trumps fraternity. For his son, mathyung would turn that bridge into kindling and burn surrounding cities to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>Clocking panic, Jungwon beams. He feels lighter, pleased to have passed on discomfort. </p><p> </p><p>Proudly he admits to, “Crimes,” eyes twinkling with a honey-sweet, angel soft smile. “We had an adventure. A big adventure.”</p><p> </p><p>Mathyung’s heart thaws with that twinkle, it melts with that whipped honey smile, and it liquefies at the word ‘crimes.’ He sniffs twice. He side-eyes but good fathers do. His son’s a rare happy that blows back that persistent rain cloud. </p><p> </p><p>Sunghoon blesses this union with a tease. “Oooh.” He coos like he knows more. He doesn’t, he senses. That’s enough to pluck at this odd bird. “That kinda bad boy. Here I thought—” </p><p> </p><p>“Dumb shit like that is why you—” Jay animates then freezes to scowl at that arctic bird. He turns from bait and takes a cue to exit, “I’m gonna go brush my teeth and change for bedtime.”</p><p> </p><p>A nuclear family of hyungs look on, following that speed walking bird visually with specific fondness.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>________________________________</p><p>◎ <em>HS</em>  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◎</span> <em>SH</em>  ◉ <em><strike>JK</strike> </em> <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ⭘</span> <em>SN</em>  <span class="Apple-converted-space">  ◉</span> <em><strike>NK</strike>*<br/>
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</em></p><p> </p><p>Jay almost walks into a dongsaeng taking a swift left into the bathroom. Sunoo startles by the sink.</p><p> </p><p>“Kya?!” Tap water splashes up from a jerk of a spoon, “Hyung! Cheese and rice, you scared me.” He was rinsing off that spoon and an empty carton of mincho.</p><p> </p><p>“Ya!” a beak flies open at a target sighted, “Ddeonu, move? I need clean teeth.” <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>________________________________</p><p><span class="Apple-converted-space">◎</span> <em>HS</em> <span class="Apple-converted-space">    ◎</span> <em>SH</em>  ◉ <strike><em>JK</em></strike> <span class="Apple-converted-space">    ◎</span> <em>SN</em> ◉ <strike><em>NK</em></strike><em>*<br/>
________________________________<br/>
</em></p><p> </p><p>“Be my guest,” he steps aside, presenting the counter with his props. “While I’ve got you, lemme flex. Spa Day was LEGEND. We had a jug of tea—each! Hyung, you’ll be pissed you missed out.”</p><p> </p><p>This hyung shrugs. “Eh, I doubt, but pour me a cup? Just a splash, make it sweet.” </p><p> </p><p>Sunoo spills teeth at that confident shrug. “Well! This brew is steeped in yuja,” he tosses a tub in the trash. “Hellova bite, this batch.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay talks in curated text. “Nice. You fucking love yuja.” He washes his hands fancily. </p><p> </p><p>“Do I ever! It’s tasty,” Sunoo stirs in flavored subtext. “As fuck, this puckers.”</p><p> </p><p>Reaching for a towel, Jay wipeys. “Fancy! OoOoh Ooo Ooo,” he sings while Sunoo grooves then says like he didn’t derail with a song, “Well, get to it. You have T-minus my minty fresh mouth. I’m on the clock and I wanna get off ASAP.” </p><p> </p><p>Jay runs the faucet again. With a cupped hand, he takes water from the tap straight to his smirk.</p><p> </p><p>Fox drops jaw. “I clocked that,” he gasps, delightfully scandalized. “I’m taking that to dinner, you degenerate.”</p><p> </p><p>Vibing too smooth with that peasant move, hyung flashes an okay sign while gargling.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo clears his throat, then breaks the news with a spoon microphone. “Top story: SungSeung’s set sail. The flag is up, sails are down, and it’s anchors away. When the wind blows, it’s always a hard left. I shudder at that rudder, matey. Details available upon request.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay spits, “Aye, what a gift. Go on,” he grabs his toothbrush to paste.</p><p> </p><p>“Next up, my favorite human interest story: SunKi is mutual. We are exactly what we look like.” He pauses for applause then throws a spoon in his mouth to eat a scream. </p><p> </p><p>“I fucking told you!” Like a good friend, Jay screams for him, pointing a loaded toothbrush at his face like a dental ace attorney.</p><p> </p><p>Spoon between teeth Sunoo freaks. “Shut the fuck up and lemme squee?” He plucks the spoon from his mouth with a fun pop. “Hyung! He kissed me!” Cringing like a winner, he simps in a moving crouch with clenched fists. “It was FIRE.”</p><p> </p><p>Making a special guest appearance, Niki walks in slow motion with a timely, “불타오르네” (“<em>Bultaoleune</em>”)</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo is a kettle in full boil, “Eeeee! I can’t?!” Hand over cheek and seeing in soft-focus sparkles, he ganks an arm before Park Toothbrush meets beak. He points a shaky spoon. “Look at him?!” </p><p> </p><p>Niki poses like he’s hit the end of a catwalk at a fashion show. </p><p> </p><p>That spoon stays stiff and shameless while he revs in ENGENE. “That sweet son of a bitch?! My god. He’s great!” He grabs Jay by the knit, gagging. “FUCK me, he’s SO great.”</p><p> </p><p>Used to this, Jay carries on, parking a toothbrush over molars, warbling, “Didn’t you say he was asleep?”</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo scoffs. “How dare you.” Offended, he lets go with a shove, “That was Jake hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>Niki leans on the door frame, sipping praise with smugness. Jay pumps a bro-fist. They bump, they boom and fizzle into jazz. Then puma prowls out of sight.</p><p> </p><p>Leaning back on the counter, Sunoo waxes poetic twice. “We’re a power couple and I LOVE the POWER. The boy is BUTTER and I am popping CORN?” He slams a spoon on the counter and forks over a melodramatic confession. “Hyung, I snapped in half. No quarter. I got wholesome?! You’d be <em>proud!</em>”</p><p> </p><p>Jay goes bro making tooth froth. “Get it, son!”</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo’s eyes go wild, “I did,” he says with a low tone and a high smile, then he claws at Jay to shake syllables in whisper scream, “IN. MY. OFFICE.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay gasps in foam. “I live.” A drop of mouth lather drips from the brush handle.</p><p> </p><p>“What else…” Sunoo pounces back on task, tapping a spoon over his cheek, “Oh! In the entertainment section, we’re all whipped for Jake hyung now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft?!” Foam sprays all over the counter.</p><p> </p><p>“We gang bathed him,” What a poorly worded report. “in the tub.”</p><p> </p><p>“The fuck?!” Jay wipeys surfaces he’s hit with spittle, “With soap and water?”</p><p> </p><p>“What are we, peasants? We take care of our kin.” Sunoo helps rinse the counter, running the tap again, “Bitch got a cold shampoo, a fancy facial AND his body buffed two ways. Niki drew blood,” he shrugs, “More details upon request.”</p><p> </p><p>From the hallway, Niki pops his head in frame to shake ash-blonde then yeets. Sunoo has his back to the door, but Jay sees that the maknae never <em>actually</em> leaves.</p><p> </p><p>Brushing over his budding wisdom teeth he petitions the court, “I move we strike that from the record.”</p><p> </p><p>A disembodied thumbs up sneaks in and out of sight. Jay lifts an eyebrow, pleased.</p><p> </p><p>Counter now clean, Sunoo leans on the doorframe and continues, “Polls show Jake’s soft on ships and hard for SungSeung. High key, they live for it.” </p><p> </p><p>“WHAT.” Jay caws, spitting dental suds on purpose after brushing. “Both?” He washes his mouth and grabs floss, “I sussed on the low, but yipes! High?”</p><p> </p><p>“Keys are on the ceiling,” this fox news reporter sings a shuddersome spin. “They jangle a ‘DO’ sharp <em>and</em> a ‘ME’ flat.” He shudders some, “Fuck, if I care? …but the fuck? I care. Poor pupHyung’s a mess, but I digress,” he turns down for what he’s about to dishper, “So. Blind item: Pre-trainee life, down under Jaeyun had a proto-wife,” The word is girlfriend. “with the same name as his <em>actual</em> dog. He broke it off a with the broad abroad…” for this he <em>actually</em> whispers, “with a letter.” Then punctuates with a “Dun dun DUUN.”</p><p> </p><p>“The disrespect.” Shook to gasp, Jay draws blood tearing gums with floss. </p><p> </p><p>“Right? The audacity.” Sunoo waggles brows, whispering commentary into his microphone.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo keeps building on this moving piece, “She didn’t know he was running for his dreams. He left undercover of a holiday then he yaat forever,” he sweeps the spoon with short waves like he’s shading in a screen-wipe.</p><p> </p><p>“Wow,” Jay drools bloody spit. “Bitch move.” He feels for that but beams like he’s found catharsis.</p><p> </p><p>“Mm-hm. Now he’s allergic to mutuality but he wingmans as a hobby. He’s a boy with love like a person who’s friends with bread and you don’t eat friends… It’s a bit sad, but some cucumbers taste better pickled.” Sunoo shrugs, a little blue, “Guess that’s why daddy deer sees teal and prince father purple hearts him.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay thinks deep while he winds up flossing. Before he runs the tap he asks, “Shouldn’t that be <em>the</em> top story? That’s ACTUAL news.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah. It’s a cold case. It’s irrelevant. Also, who cares?” Like an actual Fox News Reporter, he’s unashamed with his delivery, “That ladykiller’s reformed. Emotionally, he’s bi though technically he’s straight, but…” he makes a whispering gesture, but keeps his normal range—which is louder than average, “just between us lads, I think he’s THE gayest.”</p><p> </p><p>Before Jay can die laughing, he gets a buzz in his pocket. He snaps into task mode, holding a finger up to hit pause then grabs his phone. If this is a text it must be urgent and it can only be JungOne. He thinks in calm and acts in dispassion, knowing things might’ve gone left. </p><p> </p><p>Instead, he sees a text from Jake. He almost flushes his phone. </p><p> </p><p>    <em>i have ears </em>😢<em> ngl tho </em>😏✨</p><p> </p><p>This text neither confirms nor denies. It just IS. Jay rolls his eyes and slips his phone back in his pocket.</p><p> </p><p>Confused by that fluid swap of expression Sunoo asks, “What was that?” </p><p> </p><p>“Spam.” Jay says with the smallest eyes, “Please, continue.”</p><p> </p><p>He side-eyes that response, “Anyway, Jakethy’s a monk. He’s pure as Rain, the singer. Like, an <em>actual</em> angel with Rain PD’s physique and a puppy brain.”</p><p> </p><p>“I get it. Rain is great.” Jay thinks of rain and then he thinks of Rain. “We smelled his neck.” He gargles like a peasant again.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, we did.” Niki pounces, leaning an arm on the doorframe. “Good neck.”</p><p> </p><p>“Broad shoulders.” Jay kisses two fingers and points skyward. “Never forget,” then a whole hand of tap water to swish in teeth for a final rinse.</p><p> </p><p>“That still grinds. Just my luck that was the one week I wasn’t grounded.” Sunoo laments then gets back on track, “Well, hyung. You’ve got minty teeth, so… The end! Go clock out. Get paid, get la—”</p><p> </p><p>Niki censors with a “Kkeut!” and a horizontal slice of hands.</p><p> </p><p>Jay spits gargle. With a soggy palm, hyung sets hands like shoulder pads, and says in spearmint, “Damn, Ddeonu. You’re the best carafe,” and he pulls him into a huge dictionarily wholesome hug. “That was quality. I finger heart you, Apostrophes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww, hyung!” Sunoo squeezes back, “Ugh, hyung? Did you give me a wet shoulder?! After all this effort to educate you?” He cringes, displeased with his wet fabric. “Also, did you call me a Greek cheese?”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft! No. It’s a compliment. Look it up when I text you the word later.”</p><p> </p><p>“Aww? That’s nice.” Overlooking his displeasure with wetness, he relishes the hug, then senses an upgrade. “Holy wow. This hug is extra expensive. Did you level up?”</p><p> </p><p>Flattered and lo-key curious about specifics, Jay graciously takes the compliment. “I am an expensive hyung and this is my hug,” he’ll chalk it up to practical experience. “Also maybe? Details available upon request.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, my. I can’t wait for our date.”</p><p> </p><p>Noticing a mechanical swivel of an ash blonde head, Jay keeps it inclusive. “Niki-ah! Get on this.”</p><p> </p><p>“For real. Try this, Niki.” Sunoo sidesteps to make room, “Jay hyung hug’s so luxe it’s WEIRD.”</p><p> </p><p>Wary, puma gets within wingspan. He lifts his arms halfway and gets plucked in a top-shelf embrace. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, wow.” Snug, he fastens his arms with a face like he’s nommed gourmet fish bread. “Firm… but plush? I feel safe. Also privileged, for some reason.” He unhugs quickly. He’d go longer for science but won’t indulge, cautious a cat might walk by. However, he wants this power for himself. “Teach me this.”</p><p> </p><p>“Done.” Proud of his skill, he flips blonde like a shampoo model. “Claim lessons whenever.”</p><p> </p><p>The older blonde lands a firm hand on his shoulder. The young blonde grips his arm. Blondes share a look of understanding. With that, Niki pretends to walk away again. Sunoo follows him out the door visually, sightseeing before he follows.</p><p> </p><p>Once Niki’s offsite, Jay tugs at Sunoo’s hoodie hood. “Hey…” He’s got one last order of business to discuss. “Explain Laputa sometime.”</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo whips around in shock, “You heard that? You two are SO sneaky!”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft, as are you.” Jay scoffs, making the sound of a smooch. “That was cold.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” His sharp eyes dull, feeling guilt for his actions, but not remorse. That’s clear when he smiles at nothing at knee level.</p><p> </p><p>Hyung’s brows furrow and folds arms to scold, “Kim Sunoo, that’s foul! You can’t have that stirred in the mix while you‘re whipped stiff. Make it right or—”</p><p> </p><p>“I will! I know, hyung,” Sunoo meets that criticism with an adamant seethe, “I didn’t plan to—I blue-skied, but at the time it felt right, and it’s not a secret. You might not get it, but he does. We don’t talk a lot, but we’ve <em>talked</em>.” He grits teeth, tall in his truth, “He’ll be proud of me because he <em>knows</em> me, and if I hurt him, I will make it more than right. I’ll make it fucking fabulous!” A hand crosses over his heart, striking his chest with a firm smack that makes him wince. That looked like it hurt. “I’ve GOT him, trust.” </p><p> </p><p>That sincerity, those gestures, and the defensive passion put Jay at ease. That feels secure but more than that he’s relieved that while unseen, Niki never leaves. He trusts that Niki <em>sees</em> this slope with eyes wide open. This job is done and whatever happens next is between dongsaengs. Implicitly, he trusts this subunit will figure it out.</p><p> </p><p>“Good.” Jay unfolds and ruffles Sunoo’s hair. “You’re on notice, but I believe you. Never fuck up like that again.” </p><p> </p><p>Drawing a horizontal line over his neck, he swears his allegiance. “Knife to my throat, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay smiles with teeth. He gets that life slash deathwish.</p><p> </p><p>They walk to the hall, Jay ahead with Sunoo waddling behind. Hyung tilts his chin at the boy leaning on the wall by the door frame. Niki’s kept his head up and his ears out, as advised. Hyung waits for these SunKi to acknowledge each other. With soft looks, they do.</p><p> </p><p>He motions for both to huddle. With a straight face, he says, “You didn’t hear it from me, but JayWon’s sailing into the sunset. I’ll go down on that ship.” These words are pure bird in expletive.</p><p> </p><p>Niki vibrates, holding in a canned cheese wheeze.</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo’s mug drops in a gasp, snatching Niki’s hand. He chooses to hear according to his priorities. “We’re a regatta.”</p><p> </p><p>Looking puzzled, Niki asks, “How are we lasagna cheese?”</p><p> </p><p>“No Niki,” Sunoo says with reverence, “it’s a classy boat race in expensive European water.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shh?” Jay pulls a zipper over his lips, “Keep it below deck tonight or we’re dining at Subway.” </p><p> </p><p>Sunoo nods at hyper speed with a grip that cuts off circulation on Niki’s hand. </p><p> </p><p>Hyung blonde turns to young blonde with a double-barreled finger gun. “Niki-ah, you know the drill.”</p><p> </p><p>Niki-baby’s teeth come out, “Oh yeah. Bad boys for life,” he draws a finger gun, takes the muzzle to his lips, and zips up teeth with a swipe. </p><p> </p><p>Shaking with privilege, Sunoo whisper screams a trembling, “Laputa is REAL and we are a REGATTA?! That’s PEAK fancy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Son, no. Regatta sounds fancy, but they’re mostly <em>just</em> yachts. You’ve hit peak extra.” </p><p> </p><p>He balks, “JUST yachts?!” Suddenly that hyung feels too rich for his blood.</p><p> </p><p>Niki extends his regards, “I’m happy for you two, hyung. I wish I could write a pretty tweet,” he baits with a nose scrunch. “Tweet tweet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfff?!” That sneaky tease is Jay’s cue to go. That kid’s an insider and he’s in no condition to dance around. He lifts a stiff wave, “Aight, I’m out. My breath is mint, so no more citrus tea.” Hands in pants pockets, he turns on his heel with utilitarian advice, “Brush your teeth, boys. Toothpaste flavored ice cream doesn’t count.”</p><p> </p><p>Then he walks into the bedroom.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>________________________________</p><p><span class="Apple-converted-space">◎</span> <em>HS</em> <span class="Apple-converted-space">    ◎</span> <em>SH </em>◉ <strike><em>JK</em></strike> ◉ <strike><em>SN</em></strike> ◉ <strong><strike><em>NK</em></strike></strong><em>*<br/>
________________________________<br/>
</em></p><p> </p><p>Left in the hallway still holding hands, Niki snickers at Sunoo’s open mouth. He’s in a teasing mood.</p><p> </p><p>With a knuckle, he lifts his jaw, tilts his head toward himself, and says, “Sunoo, you’re my heart, but you forget,” then he smirks with a shake of his head, “our balcony has a glass door.”</p><p> </p><p>Sunoo’s hand goes cold. He jerks away on reflex but this maknae has grip strength like the best of them. Keeping hold of Sunoo, he yanks his arm, adding a smooth hand to his waist. The fox stumbles forward, gripping a bicep to steady. Gracefully, Niki lifts their hands to shoulder height, while the arm around Sunoo’s waist slips to the small of his back, elbow poised at a delicate angle. </p><p> </p><p>The older boy’s eyes grow round and starry, recognizing this as a closed ballroom dance position. His lip quivers and opens his mouth to unleash a clown car of speech.</p><p> </p><p>He starts with an apology, “Niki, I—”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy hushes with a blunt order, “Shhhut up and dance with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Good foresight on Niki, because if he hadn’t cut in Sunoo would’ve said too many words to be sane.</p><p> </p><p>Timidly, Sunoo looks up with a crooked smirk. He sees a predatory feline gazing at prey. That smirk turns into a bright smile. Niki takes a few sweeping steps in a 4/4 time, traveling a rounded path. Ensnared by this momentum, the fox keeps the pace and follows those fluid steps. The rhythm goes slow, slow, quick, quick, slow, slow, quick, quick. SunKi dances the foxtrot to a silent track. They make a few grand loops in the hallway before these steps lead them back into the bathroom. The door shuts when Niki kicks back and ends the dance with a dramatic dip.</p><p> </p><p>They pursue good oral hygiene.</p><p>
  <span class="Apple-converted-space">________________________________</span>
</p><p><span class="Apple-converted-space">◎</span> <em>HS</em> <span class="Apple-converted-space">    ◎</span> <em>SH </em>◉ <strike><em>JK</em></strike> ◉ <strong><strike><em>SN</em></strike></strong> ◉ <strong><strike><em>NK</em></strike></strong><em>*</em><br/>
________________________________</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>to be continued<br/>
in EPI2OGUE: the ‘J’s</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Kids, the moral of the story is be careful when flossing. Floss with dispassion. Gums matter.</p><p>If you’ve read Spa Day, this is chapter 13, Jungwon &amp; Jay: the director’s cut. Scratch that, this is the Criterion Collection. 😬</p><p>You know how it goes in Pause Mode. Not much might happen or be said, we go over the exact same events. Nothing changes, everyone still brushes their teeth and goes to bed. It’s just making sense of what happens inside their pretty little heads.</p><p>More flirtatious bullshit to come in part two. </p><p>As always, thank you for giving this wordy for what nonsense passion project a chance. Sorry for the delay. That's a lie. I'm not sorry, I needed time. ⭘</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. EPI2OGUE: the ‘J’s</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jaywon divide and conquer on a soul level, part two. (2/2)</p><p>Heeseung says a prayer, Sunghoon knows and Jake follows his nose.</p><p>JayWon fuck with each other, emotionally.</p><p>All this in no particular order.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Welcome to part two of the Epilogue! </p><p>This is still Ch13 of Spa Day: Jungwon &amp; Jay, the director’s cut. You've come this far, you know this density. Have a snack while you ENjoy this fic.</p><p>Thank you for your patronage.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jay walks into the bedroom with unwavering focus. Starting at his bunk he retrieves building materials for a teen pillow fort. He folds sheets for easy transport. </p><p> </p><p>That’s when he hears a muted sniffle and the rustle of paper from behind. Jake’s in bed with his hood up, facing the wall. The glow of a phone shuts and he goes dark. </p><p> </p><p>This Park gives Shim space. He doesn’t mask his presence in case this Aussie friend needs a good mate. </p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Task Life awaits. After stacking his bedding, he moves to the Boss’s bunk to gear up on plush. Lifting the duvet, he uncovers a mess of coats, every top Jungwon wore, plus some of his layers. He heaps all but one piece of garb on a sheet and rolls a fabric gimbap. Once the ends are tucked, it almost passes as a big billowy pillow. </p><p> </p><p>Another sniffle leaks from the top bunk. Jake shakes with a whimper. Jay feels <em>that</em>, feels <em>him</em>. He knows that’s his letter at work because that’s how he meant to touch him, emotionally. </p><p> </p><p>Jay touches him literally, giving that hoodie hood a few heartfelt pets. A silent way to say, ‘<em>You’re a good boy, Shim Jake.</em>’ </p><p> </p><p>A hand reaches to acknowledge, lacing fingers for a brief moment of tactile support. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I love you too, Park Jay.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>With a squeeze, Jay takes back his hand and continues to fold. </p><p> </p><p>Jake sniffs again.</p><p> </p><p>【 ◉ 】</p><p> </p><p>Emotionally overwhelmed, Jake soothes himself with mindful meditation. He taps into his physical senses, then sidetracks his quest for zen with sensory memory. Following a scent trail of <em>something</em> that doesn't belong to Yang Leader, the hound analyzes clues. It could’ve been Jay but <em>Tom Ford</em> threw him off. The clothes on the bed didn’t help as every piece smelled like both, <em>Tom Ford</em> and that something else. That shuffle off and shifty gaze flicker in his mind like he should know what that is because game always recognizes game. </p><p> </p><p>This touch from Jay’s sanitized hand enters as new evidence and it all clicks with a sniff. Jake sees that sailboat in the 3D poster. He deduces the culprit. That eerie scent WAS alcohol as he sussed, but it wasn’t cologne. It was a taste in his mouth for too long. He’ll never forget. </p><p> </p><p>Soju. </p><p> </p><p>This discovery is yuja huge. Somehow, this doggie detective has to warn the BrainTrust that this Won's off.</p><p> </p><p>Jake perks up, goes perpendicular and scrambles out of his covers. Before he goes, he lovingly tucks in the plush friend now named Lejla. In a beat, he bypasses steps, leaps off the bunk, and blurs past Jay.</p><p> </p><p>〖 ◉ 〗</p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes his head at that action sequence but puppies be like that sometimes. He takes this privacy to hold a powder blue sweater for a little too long… then he primes the stack. He also collects payment for a two-part relationship counseling session with Niki’s pillows.</p><p> </p><p>The bathroom door unlocks. Sunoo and Niki exit with clean teeth and an inability to make eye contact. They walk into the bedroom as Jay heads out.</p><p> </p><p>Though Jay susses criminal misdemeanors, he won’t narc. Walking past he shoots a leery grin and says, “Goodnight.”</p><p> </p><p>SunKi exchange quick looks, peeks that ricochet in separate directions, ending with solo rakes of hands through hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Where are you off to, hyung?” Sunoo asks with a pale blush. </p><p> </p><p>Without pausing his walkout, hyung drops a loaded crumb. “I’m going back in the closet with Wonie,” he boasts then goes.</p><p> </p><p>The Dongsaeng Line minus Jungwon bend at the waist, holding each other in a silent fit of laughter. When they gather themselves, they share a gaze.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>________________________________</p><p>◎ <em>HS</em>    ◎ <em>SH</em>     ◉ <strike><em>JK</em></strike>     ◉ <strike><b><em>SN</em></b></strike>     ◉ <strike><b><em>NK</em></b></strike>*<br/>
________________________________</p><p> </p><p>This cavalier bird would’ve dusted a shoulder if he didn’t have armfuls of fluff, so he gets that smug out with a fancy strut. He squeezes bedding and loses himself in a substitute hug on this short walk down the hall. If not for animated flailing he would’ve walked right into Jake. </p><p> </p><p>“WOULD you kindly get the FUCK out my way Jaketopher?” </p><p> </p><p>He burns calories stifling the urge to kick Jake. That said, he goes in a raging fugue state with no tonal affect. When he comes to he’s saying, “… kindly get out of my way before I lose control of my <em>anger</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Jay-ah! HAha uh?” Jake is a dog in the bin with a trash excuse. “Hey, I wanted to say thanks for my gift!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay is disrespected by that audacious lie. Mate is bullshitting, for what? He nearly calls that out then he sees the gobsmacked faces of Sunghoon and Heeseung. </p><p> </p><p>He screams with his eyes, <em>‘Bitch, what have you done!?’</em></p><p> </p><p>Jake plays dumb. The hound does a trick that shoots this eagle out of the sky. </p><p> </p><p>Charmingly, sincerely, he asks, “Can… I give you a hug?” Paws come up at a low acute angle with teary puppy dog eyes. “I actually, really, really, needed that… I’m genuinely touched.” </p><p> </p><p>Shim is objectively adorable and while that lippy pout is a little fucked up, it works.</p><p> </p><p>For a split, Jay thinks of dropping everything for an exquisite hug. Right now, Jake touches his heart in all his soft parts. Despite his warning, he knows if anyone could use a lavish hug right now, Shim rates a high second place.</p><p> </p><p>Jay feels freely but uses his head—literally cocking his chin to gift permission. “Make it quick.” </p><p> </p><p>Smiling huge, Jake scurries behind Jay for a titanic embrace, wriggling his arms between plush and torso. Wilting with a comfortable sigh he rests his chestnut mane on this tall shoulder blade. He thinks about asking Jay on a date.</p><p> </p><p>Now, Shim’s got a magic touch so effective that he makes Jay feel like Rose. A terrible rendition of <em>My Heart Will Go On</em> plays in this Park’s mind as he processes this role reversed hug between Jaynardo DiCaprio, Jake Winslet, and sheets that smell like the Heart of his Ocean. This hug disorients, emotionally.</p><p> </p><p>Fatigued and also in need of a hug, blonde lilts over chestnut. Jay’s guard clocks out, leaves the building, and goes home to the knife and kids. If this hug lasted longer, he would’ve confused HeeHoon and Jakethy with a burst of tears. That’s just how much he feels. </p><p> </p><p>… and then a violent chill travels up Jay’s spine.</p><p> </p><p>The aura of a ghost-type Pokémon spills from behind the fridge like volcanic vapor. Jungwon appears, pretending to drink too much water. The bottle goes down. He leans on a cold appliance with a canned jelly smile and a grip on a liter of <em>smartwater</em> like a flanged mace.</p><p> </p><p>Shivering cellularly, Jay speaks a cool, “Give me some time to be mad and we’ll try this again tomorrow.” </p><p> </p><p>Jake nods pure as Rain. He pats a shoulder and says, “Thank you Jay-ah. I’ll be back to try again tomorrow. Good night.”</p><p> </p><p>Instead of hurling a water bottle at a face, Jungwon lobs a grin, too sleepy to decide which face to aim. He talks like the dead with an angel face, “That was kind of sweet,” one fang peeks. “Night, Ja<em>k</em>e.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Okay? Night guys, Jake out.” Jake backs away to lose liquid the right way with his stash of loose tea.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>________________________________</p><p>◎ <em>HS</em> <span class="Apple-converted-space">    ◎</span> <em>SH</em> ◉ <strike><b><em>JK</em></b></strike>◉ <strike><b><em>SN</em></b></strike> ◉ <strike><b><em>NK</em></b></strike>*<br/>
________________________________</p><p> </p><p>Unbothered with goodbyes, Jay walks up with an exit strategy and a gesture of affection snuck in utility. </p><p> </p><p>“You ready to go to sleep?” he asks with an easy smile the closest they’ve been since that armless hug. </p><p> </p><p>Sheep Garden eyes that humble bundle with a self-deprecating grin. He gets a peek of sky blue knit sandwiched in comforters. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” he closes his eyes. He’ll take that not hug and a brief out. “Let’s go.” </p><p> </p><p>Reaching into the stack, he skims cashmere, accepts several pillows in his arms, and turns to the closet. They say their farewells, sharing a load of fluff, and almost get a clean break if not for a hyung father’s watchful eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sure but… The bedroom’s that way.” Heeseung points out, still burning with questions, “Where are you two off to?” </p><p> </p><p>If Jungwon wasn’t leading, Hee would’ve asked, <em>‘Jongseong, where the fuck are you taking my son?</em>’</p><p> </p><p>If Sunghoon was asking, Jay would’ve cawed, <em>’None of your fucking business, Park!’ </em></p><p> </p><p>Sheep picks up the tab. “The closet.” He is crisp, bold, and dry. “We’re going back in the closet.” </p><p> </p><p>Refreshed by that smooth reply, Jay takes a swig of that energy and ducks under that umbrella of protection. He speaks in its shade, admitting to the exact truth. “Yeah, sleepover in the closet JayWon style. Peace.”</p><p> </p><p>With that, they step through the threshold of the walk-in.</p><p> </p><p>『▪』</p><p> </p><p>The closet shuts. Jay leans on the door for support, knees buckling as nervous energy unravels. Meanwhile, pillows plop by hung tops, and bedding is arranged.</p><p> </p><p>The cat sneaks up. He scares with a flat, “Boo,” and a tap over blonde.</p><p> </p><p>The bird startles and snorts a laugh. “You!” he caws, then lunges with arms out to attack. </p><p> </p><p>Jay tackles Jungwon with a hug. They land on well-placed plush. One predicted an impulse accepted, while the other counted on a skilled fall. JayWon mute giggles on each other, whisper screaming.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god,” Jungwon laughs, curving up to welcome a cozier hug. “We fucked them up good?! Those faces! And Jake? That was terrifying. And fun!”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft?! I thought I was gonna pass out,” Jay snickers on jammies, tucking his arms under, “I could feel those side-eyes from Sunghoon-ah and Heeseungie hyung?! And you…” he shudders.</p><p> </p><p>That shudder tickles, emotionally. “Not gonna lie, that got dicey. I am fadiiiing… and I missed this hug—but birddamnit! Jay-yaAᴬawʷhₙn…” </p><p> </p><p>Jay tilts in an ‘aww’ watching a kitten yawn. That yawn makes him yawn like a sigh. His hands are occupied, so he covers his mouth on PJs, then he <em>actually</em> sighs.</p><p> </p><p>Chin on a chest he says, “Go to sleep. Sheep, it’s bedtime.” </p><p> </p><p>“Not yet, bird,” Sheep defies. “We have gifts and plans plus I gotta go back out solo.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Wonie, you’re done. I’ll finish them.” Hyung peels away then a hand on his head tells him to stay. </p><p> </p><p>“That’s not up to you, Jay-ah,” Wonie’s touch curls around that nape. “I just need a quick break.”</p><p> </p><p>Weakened by touch, Jay gives but doesn’t give up, “That’s… a no. Just no.” he scolds up close, “You look rough, a hair away from popping off rough,” he’s seen those eyes before, he knows. “You have limits, boy. Just look at you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Boy,” he parrots with a leaden hush, “just look at me.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay raises a brow. He wants, he won't but he does what he’s told and notes how cozy this boy is on fluff. He’s a good hyung in theory. In practice, he glides out of orbit, pulled by the gravity of a gaze and a palm. </p><p> </p><p>“A break isn't going to magically grant you fucks,” Jay’s vulgar words serve up tough love. An arm unhugs to grip a collar for emphasis, “How’re you gonna give a single fuck when you’ve got none, huh? Enough.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon sighs, looking to the ceiling for answers, “I know. Let me think.”</p><p> </p><p>Three down, two to go, and those two are <em>his</em> two. <em>Their</em> two. They’re four. Therefore, he can’t leave those two for the night with things unresolved.</p><p> </p><p>But things are dire. Jay is right, he’s roughed up, emotionally and physically, losing grip on lucidity with every breath. </p><p> </p><p>He sighs again. </p><p> </p><p>Jay helpfully distracts, playing with his collar, nuzzled over his chest. He weaves a hand into blonde, to ground himself as he sinks deep in thought.</p><p> </p><p>This hug that should’ve perked him up feels like too little too late. It’ll take time to hydrate his headache, coffee won’t be enough, and no amount of skinship will revive him like actual fucks to give.</p><p> </p><p>A few scenarios run through his mind and all roads lead back to this bird in his hand, his exclusive resource, Park Jay. </p><p> </p><p>A thumb tucked inside his collar draws awareness to the rhythm of his breath. Compared to Jay’s, his is shallow. He is fading so fast. </p><p> </p><p>Without a supercharge of fucks he might not meet his goals. He has options, yes, but there’s only one way he can maintain control.</p><p> </p><p>He’s got to be a savage.</p><p> </p><p>This would’ve been easy before mutuality, now he anticipates the toll. He cares, but he enjoys it and he knows he might not have the wherewithal to stop… but he needs those fucks. To give. Now.</p><p> </p><p>Before he can’t keep a straight face, he acts.</p><p> </p><p>Too clearly, he gulps, ‘<em>I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry.’</em> </p><p> </p><p>Jay hears that gulp in his ear. He glances to check-in then gets struck with a look like a backhand. </p><p> </p><p>From below, the Boss comes off like he glares from above. This authoritarian gaze objectively objectifies a <em>thing</em> that should feel privileged to have his attention. It’s a heavy look of love.</p><p> </p><p>This bird drops beak at this spontaneous lethality. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>JungFUCKINGwon?!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>A battery of Fucks to Give gets a 2% charge. </p><p> </p><p>“You know what I need. Help me out,” he traces a line down that neck with his thumb, “Give me some.” </p><p> </p><p>Vague words surge a heat in his palm. The charges doubles to 4%.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure,” Jay coos, “Tell me how.”</p><p> </p><p>JungWon’t expound for now. He hums, “It’s just fucks to give. No big. You know how.” </p><p> </p><p>This ruffled bird’s eyes dilate. “What,” he balks, then licks his lips to mask a nervous gulp, “Literally?”</p><p> </p><p>Fucks To Give charges to 7%.</p><p> </p><p>NyangWon laps up that tension with a once-over twice and cracks a Cheshire smile. </p><p> </p><p>“No. Emotionally,” he waggles his brows.</p><p> </p><p>“Whaaat,” this bird in the headlights look is pure <em>objet d'art</em>. “Rephrase that.”</p><p> </p><p>This poor little rich hyung’s about to get concussed.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon points to himself. “I am out of fucks to give.”</p><p> </p><p>“Understood,” Jay backs this fact. </p><p> </p><p>“You,” a nose is booped, “have <em>a lot</em> of fucks to give. Me, specifically.” </p><p> </p><p>A beak is tiny. “Guilty, your honor.”</p><p> </p><p>“You have a surplus,” A touch over cashmere above a heart.</p><p> </p><p>“I do.” A heart skips with an idling touch. “Absolutely, I do.”</p><p> </p><p>“… while I have a deficit,” then the letter ‘O’ in sign language. “Provide the supply I demand and stabilize my economy.” A nod to feign clarity. “See what I mean?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh… kay?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon keeps nodding. “This means ‘zero’. Nothing,” he refers to the ESL ‘O.’</p><p> </p><p>It’s all misdirection, but it’s not a lie.</p><p> </p><p>“Ookay, then?” Jay mirrors the nod and the sign to try to gain understanding… and he arrives at a conclusion with a violent blush, “Oh. WOAH. but…? I mean. Yolo, I g—”</p><p> </p><p>The charge climbs to 17%.</p><p> </p><p>“Cool, you get it. It’s wholesome,” The zero blooms with three fingers into an okay sign. “Basic capitalism wholesome.” </p><p> </p><p>“Wait.” Jay is thrown by the word ‘wholesome,’ “What?”</p><p> </p><p>FtG battery’s at 20%.</p><p> </p><p>“I am fuckless and I need some,” he explains flatly, “to give. You have a wealth of fucks in a mutual account I can’t access and I’m overdrawn,” he explains poorly, on purpose. “So, cut me a check from that trust fund of fucks and save me from debt. Emotionally, please.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay lifts a finger, “One more time for science.” </p><p> </p><p>That finger raises FtG to 29%.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know how much clearer I can be,” dimples twitch, “Use your brain. Do the work? Solve for ‘J’.“ </p><p> </p><p>Implicitly trusting, Jay goes into pause mode for a manic minute of wall-to-wall thought. A blank look falls on his face and pupils fly everywhere like he’s thinking of math plus soft sciences. </p><p> </p><p>⧙ ⧈ ⧘</p><p> </p><p>Sure, they’ve been close, public close, closet close, but the pressure, the timing, and the stakes—this ask should be nothing, right? 24 hours of mutuality has yet to pass yet they’ve gone faster than light. He thought he was ready. What for? What is the raincheck for? </p><p> </p><p>Now it pours. </p><p> </p><p>Jay saw it coming. Does he run? Does he fire his finger guns or let it be? He thought he was ahead of the game, but that was spontaneous. What happens with expectation? He rarely feels this pressure offstage. Is that what this is? He’s running out of time. Does he know the theory? Who does the what? What is the what? What is he? To what did he agree? Wise up. Suddenly he wonders about every touch and every taste. Was his boldness a farce? Was he out of place? Has this boy been that bold, maybe bolder all this time? He dropped pants and he ran. Rise up. Isn’t this part of the like? Like, really like? No. This is love. But what is love? What does love feel like? HeeHoon is on the other side. What about emotionally? In this economy? What of the value of this Korean Won? What about COVID. Rise up. What of wholesome? Dictionarily wholesome? JayWon wholesome? Wholesome, like that bread? His stomach growls. ELIZA. Strawberry Soft. So soft. He feels soft. Like <em>Volvic</em> makes him soft. Like lips, like a taste of <em>fraises</em> behind curtains at an <em>Yves Saint Laurent</em>, soft. He can’t look that bread in the eyes… but he walks like the living bread, he eyes him like bread. He’s hungry, wants bread but you don’t eat friends—Wait!?</p><p> </p><p>⧛ ⧉ ⧚</p><p> </p><p>A drop of cold sweat trickles from his scalp to his eyes. Hair essence mixed in with sweat stings and he blinks too many times. </p><p> </p><p>Jay will not throw away his shot.</p><p> </p><p>… but for good measure he asks, “Does this involve pants?”</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Jungwon cracks, “Pfffft?! Whaaat? No. Where’s your head?” He shoves Jay’s face to the crook of his neck, “We’re in the closet and I have work. I meant, make me laugh and give me hugs.” </p><p> </p><p>park_Jay.exe force quits. As a precaution, his body and mind cut ties. A connection severs in Jay’s spine. For a few minutes, he goes completely offline while he restarts in safe mode. He’ll be back after the break, mentally.</p><p> </p><p>That facial meltdown spikes the FtG charge to 49%. </p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah, I just want grandma hugs. You know, a squeeze with extra cheese? A <em>White Stilton Gold</em> hold? Then make me breathless,” he can’t stop, “with a few corny jokes.”</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Park Mind and Park Body decide it’s time. This isn’t working anymore. They had a good run. Goals have changed, the affection remains. They’ll maintain a professional relationship.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Jay’s gone ragdoll. His arms are fresh pasta. He hears crickets.</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s my hug? It’s me, sweet honey Wonie bee?” he trembles with noiseless laughter, “I’ve worked so hard. Pretty bird hyung give me my reward,” he is shameless, “I need your lavish hugs, hyung. Lavish me,” he is wicked. “Lavish me with wholesome hugs!” </p><p> </p><p>Wonie gives in to his <em>actual</em> addiction.</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Park Mind thinks of when this partnership made sense. Back when Park Mind was sharp and Park Body was sheesh. Oh, the things Park Body did that Park Mind could only imagine. They were unstoppable. R.A.S. couldn’t tear them apart. How will they share custody of Park Heart? </p>
  <p> </p>
  <p><em>My God, what happened to us?  </em> Park Mind starts to cry in the dark. </p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>No movement or sound comes from this hyung, except for dry blinks so deep they’re audible in <em>actual</em> silence.</p><p> </p><p>Now, this hug sways laterally, horizontally. “Beekeeper-nim? Ahjussi? Bzzz?” This boy is a tease, “Hold me? I know you want to. You always do. I see it in your eyes,” he is so mean, “the same way a grandma looks at their grandchild. Jay-ah, touch me the way I want you to,” so mean, “like a supportive hyung! Where’s that nurturing spirit?”</p><p> </p><p>This dissonance grinds, multifaceted. </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Park Body packs its bags and books a flight to Seattle. Lovingly, it looks at a picture with Park Mind, from back when things were simple. Park Body could do no wrong as long as it moved. Now they’re always at odds, hurting each other even though they only mean to love.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>Jay’s brain activity nears clinical death. To the touch he’s as hot as fresh boiled egg.</p><p> </p><p>For the hella, Wonie gets extra and whines, “Jay-aaah? Pfft!? Fffffu-fffufft,” but that whine is sus and that laugh hits like strawberry bread to the face. </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Park Body wants to cry, but it doesn’t. Park Body can’t show warmth. It has to go. No hugs, no touches—it just has to go. It calls for a car to the airport. Park Body slips on its mask and walks out the doors of perception to the sound of a weeping Park Mind. This cruelty is kind.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>FtG is up to 72%.</p><p> </p><p>Now he just openly mocks. “Yeah, keep making that face, hyung,” he means that blank, soul-sucked face, “That’s the stuff that gets me going—with laughter?! Heheh HaHa Aaaah… so good.” </p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>Park Mind picks up a double-barreled finger gun.</p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>The giggle fit dies. He sways that hot stone-face with his hands and asks, “You okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nah,” a void whirls behind Jay’s eyes, “I’m. Hm. I died a little inside.”</p><p> </p><p>Nyang dongsaeng’s been mining for spiritual plutonium. Deep trolling his reactive hyung was THE nuclear option to refuel his Fucks to Give. He ought to be cautious playing on the border of emotional Chernobyl.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Jay wants to lay in a tub and inhale soapy water to sanitize his psyche. Without knowing, he empathizes with Jake.</p><p> </p><p>“Well… um,” he sounds like he’s sorry, “Jay-ah, I'm…” but it’s a trap. “Nyang?”</p><p> </p><p>In a beat, Angry Jaybird comes back online, eyes mostly whites. “Pphff? Argh!” despite that sputter laugh he is<em> 9x</em> salty and pours his frustration into a growly, playful hug. “You?! Grr!” </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon breaks into an airy cackle, “Eehee hehehee!” </p><p> </p><p>He’s up to 92% FtG.</p><p> </p><p>“There should be LAWS to PROTECT ME from YOU.” Jay belts a shrill whisper truth. </p><p> </p><p>This crazed bird energy IS the raw material this emotional alchemist’s been after, “AHah hAhaha! You—” he transmutes this ire into a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“BIRDDAMNIT, I need JUSTICE?” Hyung throws hands. </p><p> </p><p>This alchemic laugh fills his cup, “Ah hahaah!” a pitch-black mug with one word in white that says ‘fucks.’ “Your face when—pFFfft?!” </p><p> </p><p>With an impassioned ‘YA,’ he tickles, “Boy, I could kill YA?!” with a flurry of jabs blocked by casual Taekwondo.</p><p> </p><p>“DO IT,” he taunts, enjoying this spar, “kill me!” That got dark. “With KINDNESS. Hug the fucks into me, EMOTIONALLY. Then leave it in WHOLESOME. HeEheee hahaAapfffFfft!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay grabs shoulders by the broadness to shake giggles. </p><p> </p><p>“LANGUAGE?! Do you <em>actually</em> want to die?” Step away from the dark side, Jay. “Keep it up and I MIGHT,” he’s a fugue state away from that reality. “I’ll buy you that bus and drive us into the ocean—to HIDE your body?!” </p><p> </p><p>Then a few tears fall because, of course, he imagined that scene with background music—that garbage version of the theme to <em>Titanic</em>. Jay drops his dongsaeng onto plush with a puff with a gaze on a distant sunset in a timezone far beyond these walls.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh? Jay-ah, don’t cry…” the younger boy grimaces with teeth, reaching to wipe not his tears, “I just—” </p><p> </p><p>“DEAL WITH IT.” he whisper squawks, furiously wiping his face on not his sleeve, “You keep breaking me and making it fun?? Now it’s my turn to break you.” </p><p> </p><p>Nyang snorts, “Tch,” he scoffs. “As if,” he taunts. “Try me.” </p><p> </p><p>Riled up, Jay pushes the boy down, sits on this chest, binding those arms with his legs. Shedding his subservience, he gives the Boss an insubordinate stare down. He hits back that demeaning tone, that condescension, every little bit of slight with a sneer that blossoms into a fucked up smile. Peak pissed-off Jay is devastatingly handsome.</p><p> </p><p>Unfazed, Jungwon holds his own. He dares those sharp eyes with a roguish smile. He’s forgotten about time in all this fun. Little does he know, hyung has a secret weapon. </p><p> </p><p>Jay won’t just cross wires, he’ll cut them CLEAN to dismantle this bomb. He never wanted to be this, but he got pushed. <em>Tteomillyeo wasseo</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Justice for Jay begins now.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll show you to a side of me you’ve ONLY seen in passing.” Oh no. “You know Everyday Jay.” Oh my. “You’ve met Expensive Jay,” Oh boy. “now I’d like to properly introduce you to my shadow,” Oh JaySus, “my darkest self,” Oh, here we go. “Meet… Aegyo Jay.” </p><p> </p><p>Sheep’s bleating skids to a halt. </p><p> </p><p>He gasps, “Don’t you DARE,” Sheep finally feels like prey, “I’ve SEEN him,” his voice shakes, “I can’t look at him?!” pretty eyes fill with actual terror, “You know I can’t?!”</p><p> </p><p>No quarter, no mercy. </p><p> </p><p>Jay smiles sweetly. Too sweetly. It reaches his eyes. It radiates outward. His aura glows a zen gold in staccato strokes, like a Buddha painted by <em>Edvard Munch</em>. His eye smile melts on impact. </p><p> </p><p>“Stop…” this boy feels his energy drain out. “Hyung, stop?” his cup of fucks gets nudged. </p><p> </p><p>Hyung goes high fructose. He’s only smiling but the vibe keeps escalating. The air starts to thicken, like in a kitchen with hotpots of honey and corn syrup in bulk. The syrupy fumes smother. For no reason, Jay shimmers. </p><p> </p><p>Wonie is a bee stuck in honey, “No.” his movements slow, “No…” He can’t get out. “nO?” </p><p> </p><p>That’s when Jay takes a page from the book of Shim and blends his muggy smile with a pout.</p><p> </p><p>“The fuck?!” Jungwon panics, "Does that pout have to pucker?” He freaks, using the last of his stamina in a futile wriggle for freedom, “Get off ME.” </p><p> </p><p>Under a curtain of blonde, eyebrows start to curve inward, that pout gets lippier. </p><p> </p><p>Then he rubs his tummy. </p><p> </p><p>Time stands still and all color drains from this scene except for the golden glow that is Jay’s presence.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no,” Wonie shivers, “No,” Wonie quivers. In slow motion, with barely any strength to let his voice out he whisper screams, “NOoᴼoₒ!”</p><p> </p><p>Jay makes grabby hands, his voice goes up an octave and says in babie, “제이 배고파 용!” ( <em>“Jay baegopa yong!”</em> )</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon opens his throat to scream at a frequency only dogs can hear.</p><p> </p><p>In bed with Lejla, Jake wonders if he’s gone crazy, or if he died in the tub, or if he’s in a tea coma.   <em>What was that?</em>   He prays to ENGENE for his survival until daylight.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Jay flits between modes like Jekyl and Hyde but smoldering boy and spellbinding babie. He caws for vengeance then in a blink is his most adorable self. </p><p> </p><p>“Mmm-mm!” Aegyo Jay hums, all eye smiles and nose scrunches, then goes mad bird, “—but I mean it. Multifaceted. I AM hangry,” his stomach growls to back this fact.</p><p> </p><p>Sheep squeaks a weak, “We have bread?” pointing in the direction of Strawberry Soft with his head, “Eat? I care.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’ll eat.” Angry JayBird frees an arm, “I’ll have bread,” he pushes a pajama sleeve to the elbow. “You’re bread to me, boy,” his brows fly up. “You’re bread to rights,” he scowls with teeth. “Oh my god, you are SO bread right now,” he glowers expensively. </p><p> </p><p>Jay licks his lips, slowly lifts that arm, and opens his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Yang Garden grows wild with anxiety, “Jay… hyung?” Lo-key, he lives.</p><p> </p><p>Jay’s lips graze wrist and nips at skin. “Don’t fucking ‘hyung’ me, young man,” he seethes, then feeds.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon seizes in fright.</p><p> </p><p>A switch goes off and a lethal bite turns into a silly chomp. Aegyo Jay goes, “Ohm nom nom nom,” pelting this arm with silly, soft bites.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon’s heart stops. He sheiks in his mind. </p><p> </p><p>Sunoo feels a chill then cuddles up to his not boyfriend. Niki also feels a chill and adjusts their blanket.</p><p> </p><p>Aegyo Jay nibbles at double speed from wrist to elbow and back again like corn on the cob, “Nom nom ohm nom nom,” his noms are cartoon sound effects.</p><p> </p><p>“THIS IS WRONG.” JungWhisper screams, “This is SO wrong?!”</p><p> </p><p>Aegyo Jay takes a break from nomming to look up with sparkling eyes and make little bebi lip-smacks while rubbing his tummy. “Mmmm!”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s <em>actual</em> wholesome,” he whispers at a high pitch, “NO.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay licks his lips like a child who doesn’t know how to eat right. He breaks into an eye smile and goes for more little noms on an arm.</p><p> </p><p>“NO. Not like this! Let. Me. GO.” He’s terrified but enticed. He can’t look away. He’s too weak to pull back his arm and he shakes with nervous laughter. “I made a mistake?!”</p><p> </p><p>Angry Jaybird has no sympathy. “<em>F</em>uck you.” he snarls with a crispy 'F' and draws two-finger guns from his back, tucked behind Balenciaga belt. “I’m doing TT again.”</p><p> </p><p>“EEE.” Wonie screams in bee.</p><p> </p><p>“Bee, buzz louder. Buzz. BUZZ,” he points finger guns sideways at this boy’s head.</p><p> </p><p>“Zzzzz?!” Wonie bee buzzes a death knell.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll make you buzz so loud we <em>actually</em> get kicked out.”</p><p> </p><p>“WHAT. Don’t do it!” Jungwon puts his hand up, looking down the barrels of hyung’s guns.</p><p> </p><p>“Then I’ll buy this building and burn it to the ground for fun,” Jay tugs at his loose high collar so hard he shows clavicle. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>FOR WHAT?!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“You used to be so WHOLESOME,” this boy feels traumatized in the best possible way, “Now I know how I made you feel. Forgive me?”</p><p> </p><p>“NO,” Angry Jay pouts with a spiteful shimmy and then Aegyo Jay takes the wheel, “You don’t know how I feel! So mean! So mean! I’m like TT, aww?!” Loaded finger guns go under his eyes like tears. “Just like TT?! AWW?!”</p><p> </p><p>Sheep gets sheared. He loses his shit on sheets to a breathless giggle, “Aaah?! That <em>specific</em> pout?!” he loves that pout, but hates it’s power over him, “My life force?! I have work? And a loose pile of morals… AH heee-heheh Ahah?! … pfft?” he laughs with so much joy he falls apart, “Jay-ah… I’m meltiiing…” he bites his lip, so in love that pout and the insanity of Aegyo Jay, “Oh, my bird… I…” he thinks it and almost says, “I… like you… so much… pffzz.” </p><p> </p><p>Pretty eyes close, shaking with a fake swoon. Again. This sweet little chocoball goes soggy.</p><p> </p><p>FtGs hit critical mass with a 100% charge.</p><p> </p><p>Everyday Jay comes to his senses, shocked with himself. “What have I done? Oh god. Wonie, wake up? I’m a monster?!”</p><p> </p><p>He hops off this liquid kid, scoops him up in his arms, and kisses him. On the forehead. That’s it. That’s all this brat deserves for pissing him off so much. </p><p> </p><p>Eyes closed still, Jungwon’s lips turn up.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” he sits up with a deep breath in, fully alert. “I’m recharged.”</p><p> </p><p>“Cool.” Jay hyung raises a bro fist, “You ready to go back out?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Good stuff. Nice and silly,” dongsaeng Yang pounds that bro fist, “Thank you for your service, Park.” </p><p> </p><p>Jay leans forward for a proper hug, “Pleasure, Yang. Privilege to serve,” then he lets go like bro.</p><p> </p><p>“Watch it with that pout. That’s just… Sheesh.” Jungwon sucks in his teeth, tucking a tuft of blonde behind an ear, “Aegyo Jay’s not allowed around me at work.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s employee discrimination,” Jay smirks, tousling black waves in place.</p><p> </p><p>“Come out a few with their gifts. Both sets, expensive and traumatic. Maybe in five to ten?”</p><p> </p><p>This personal stylist gives a final ruffle for volume. “You got it, boss.” </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon dangles that heart-shaped charm then pulls his hand away with the flourish of a magic trick. Thumb and index cross to make a heart.</p><p> </p><p>Jay laughs through his nose and looks away with a light blush.</p><p> </p><p>This finger heart spirals out. Jungwon kisses the heart with an open-mouthed smack. It ricochets back. The top of the heart lands on Jay’s lips, a proxy kiss via a quick touch of fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>“Keep it up and you’ll never leave this closet.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfff. Too funny.” </p><p> </p><p>Boss Nyang stands up with his game face on, eyes on his goal beyond the door. He makes a few sweeping strokes over his pajamas to smooth, rolls his shoulders, and straightens his collar with a pop. </p><p> </p><p>“Wish me luck,” he says with a determined look, extending a hand towards his seated hyung. </p><p> </p><p>Hyung takes that hand like a bro. Yang Leader pulls him up and pulls him in for a thug hug. Then like a terrible hyung, Jay turns this bro moment into something JayWon wholesome. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon turns to leave, but Jay draws him back and takes justice for himself. He shoves a petty pout in his face, bites for that crude ask for an embrace, and gives him lip for his terrible vocabulary with a minty fresh mouth. In his breath, he growls. That sharp tongue doesn’t hold back, he puts him in his place, in his arms, and he chews him out. The younger boy atones for his tone with a soft hum. He pays the toll, he takes it all like so much bread in one go. He doesn’t resist arrest, he relents. This might feel like spite, but he knows this act of aggression is mercy. Non verbally, he atones for his tone the kindest way he knows how, with sweet honey crisp kisses that make the softest sounds.</p><p> </p><p>Jay backs down. He pulls back with a delicate ‘<em>muah</em>’ and accepts this apology.</p><p> </p><p>“Good luck,” he says, flashing Jaynardo DiCaprio smile.</p><p> </p><p>Yang gets gifted an auxiliary battery pack with a 20% charge, just in case he needs an extra boost. </p><p> </p><p>“Ha! Now I have a surplus of fucks,” he bounces, fists up psyching himself. Boxing air with finger hearts he says, “Thanks for the snack!” and twirls toward the door.</p><p> </p><p>Tongue in his cheek, Jay blushes, touches the back of his neck and waves with a sigh, “Bye-bye, bee.” </p><p> </p><p>Yang Garden turns with a purr, “Later, boo.”</p><p> </p><p>“That was a pet name?” That’s been there from the jump. “Well, birddamnit. I feel dumb. And flattered? And spooked.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but it’s a diss too,” Wonie bee shrugs gripping the doorknob. “For ghosting my feelings for so long. But for real, yeet!” </p><p> </p><p>Then he twists and pulls the doorknob.</p><p> </p><p>「▪」</p><p> </p><p>The door cracks open and Jungwon peeks out. He catches his hyungs right as they’re leaving the kitchen and calls out with a meek, “Heeseung hyung, Sunghoon hyung?” Then he goes about his business with the parental subunit.</p><p> </p><p>In Earth time, ten minutes passed. How this makes sense, how no one heard a word, makes none. Chalk it up to superior time management skills plus vocal control or a unreliable narration… or maybe, just maybe, half of JayWon is a Korean-American-Gallifreyan. </p><p> </p><p>Who knows. One <em>other</em> Park does. Details available upon request.</p><p> </p><p>《⬥》</p><p> </p><p>Jay gets to work, scraps his plan to build a fort, and makes a bed fit for a king. Before he lays out plush sheets, he tidies up. </p><p> </p><p>On a section of the floor, he sees an explosion of notes spilled from a blue folio by an open notebook, an unzipped backpack, two pink loaves, and a lone cigar. Carefully, he stacks paper, simping at his handwriting. It’s an effort not to lose himself in these little notes—letters from an ENGENE before that was a name. He remembers what he meant with every word he wrote and in what he didn’t say.</p><p> </p><p>The loose pile is set beneath hung tops, then he turns his attention to the notebook. He lifts a pen with a cat design from the spine and flips pages, searching for photos. Bird math flashes before him. Away from ’S’s, ’N’s, and an ‘H’s he finds a section that’s just zeros, twos, lots of fours, some nines, and ‘J’s written two different ways. Behind all that he finds what he’s looking for between blank pages and a few stray sheets of yellow paper.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, inspiration strikes. He doesn’t have time, but he will because he wants to and he’s just that extra. He picks up the cat pen, sets ink to paper, and then he uses the stapler.</p><p> </p><p>〈⬥〉</p><p> </p><p>At 2:30 in the morning, Jungwon accomplishes his mission. Gifts are given, photo evidence is turned over, grateful tears are shed and loyalty is bolstered. Moreover he achieves transparency with the hyung parents when he allows himself to be completely vulnerable. </p><p> </p><p>This son of hyungs discloses his actual crimes, drops the ‘hyung’ in private-public, and infers the existence of JayWon <em>crimes</em> with the glib line, “I’m gonna go sleep with Jay-ah,” said pure as Rain with his signature wink.</p><p> </p><p>Albeit aghast, HeeHoon give this Leader-ship their blessing with affection. </p><p> </p><p>For ships and tickles, he walks away after exposing Jay, emotionally—frozen in fluster in front of his hyung parents. He goes back into the closet, leaving the door half open to hear him struggle and enjoy the sound of him dance around a point he can’t escape.</p><p><br/>
________________________________</p><p>◉ <strike><em>HS</em></strike> ◉ <strike><em>SH</em></strike> ◉ <strike><b><em>JK</em></b></strike>◉ <strike><b><em>SN</em></b></strike> ◉ <strike><b><em>NK</em></b></strike>*<br/>
________________________________</p><p> </p><p>It takes a beat to take in this view. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon is rocked by how the closet’s been Feng Shui’ed. Jay’s interior design skill turned the vibe of this walk-in into that of a chic master bedroom. This small space seems so much bigger on the inside. He doesn’t know how Jay found the time, but he did and everything feels like his kind of luxury. JayWon cozy. </p><p> </p><p>Though overhead lighting’s off, the room is lit with ambient glow, a diffused yellow. He finds the source, an iPhone flashlight attached to a charger inside an improvised lampshade made with stapled yellow paper—a stash of yellow C-A-R-Ds.</p><p> </p><p>On the floor is a wide mattress made with pillows with a comforter spread atop to even the surface. For pillows, Jay pulled a few of their knit sweaters, hoodies, and plush fleece jackets, folded and rolled them into a sheet at the head of this makeshift bed. An extra comforter and a throw come over it all to be used as covers. To top it off, the powder blue sweater has been jong-i jeobgi’ed into a cat, à la hotel towel art. Next to this knit cat is his notebook propped up and opened to a page.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a hand turkey—Nay, a hand eagle, and a simple bird math equation he views in sparklevision. </p><p> </p><p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>He gasps, looking at this page like Jay’s solved the Reinman Hypothesis. It’s it makes little mathematical sense, but the ‘J’s are written right. It means everything. These are words he’s banned in numbers. To him, this is an aptitude test passed with flying colors and a written contract, the beginning of the long drawn-out line to Borld’s West.</p><p> </p><p>Touched by this tailor-made gesture, he sets his hand over the eagle. It feels like a hand holding his, a new totem to take for those times when <em>he</em> can’t be in his Everyday, his <em>tous le jours</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Instinctively, he picks up the notebook to hug. That’s when he notices what it’s been laying on, an <em>Easel</em> CD folio with a beat-up plush cat keyring, overstuffed with notes. It’s so full, it can barely close. This is all his handwriting, his scribbles, and a few abandoned candy wrappers.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon melts completely. He goes horizontal. He thinks of saying <em>‘I love you.’</em> That’s how much he feels <em>this</em>. He’s so happy JungWants to cry, but JungWon’t. He bares his fangs to send his sheepish ego and his overworked superego into the shadows. The id is out front. It’s his turn to dance. </p><p> </p><p>With a huff, he gets on his feet, fuming with impatient energy. Finally, he’s hit a point where he’s <em>actually</em> had enough. It’s time for this ruler to uncap his pen, hit paper, draw thick lines, bisect a shape and fill the page with angry scribbles and shade.</p><p> </p><p>╳❖╳</p><p> </p><p>A head bursts behind the door with a shake of black fluff. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” He growls with teeth, “What the fuck Jay-ah?” so irate with the wait for an <em>actual</em> <em>later</em>, “You gonna keep flirting with my parents ’til I drag you back in or what?”</p><p> </p><p>Behind Jay, Heeseung’s mouth drops. All his teeth show up—incisors, canines, molars—just teeth being teeth, saying ‘hi’ as a family, though none of his wisdom teeth show up. They’re gone. Hee is aghast, astounded, impressed, and shook on a soul level by this intimidating boss move, this real hyung energy, this big daddy vibe of his dongsaeng son. Lo-key, he is jealous. High-key he is proud.</p><p> </p><p>He says a quick prayer.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dear ENGENE, <br/>
<br/>
Pray for my homie, Jongseong. Emotionally.<br/>
And physically. Also psychologically.<br/>
Keep him alive for debut.<br/>
<br/>
Thank you. Amen.<br/>
</em>
</p><p>
  <em>—Sincerely, Lee Heeseung #always_together</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Notably, he leaves off ‘spiritually.’ Hee knows there is no saving Jay’s soul.</p><p> </p><p>Jay snaps in attention and does an about-face with a large, birdishly handsome smile. He makes zero eye contact with the peers he bids a hasty farewell to. “Yup, I’m out. Peace.”</p><p> </p><p>Before the door closes, Wonie catches a sly look. A sweet yet ice-pick sharp side-eye from a beautiful monster, the hyung father he gets his morals from. It’s a look that says, <em>‘Get it. Kill him, son.’</em></p><p> </p><p>The door closes. This poor hyung never saw it coming… at least, that’s what he’d like his Boss to think. It’s just more fun this way.</p><p> </p><p>JayWon keep it terrifyingly fun and they get it, son. </p><p> </p><p>… until kids in the hall get involved with Sunghoon and Heeseung’s quest for clean teeth, and the Leader-ship has to teach them how to shut a door. </p><p><br/>
________________________________</p><p>◉ <strike><b><em>HS</em></b></strike> ◉ <strike><b><em>SH</em></b></strike> ◉ <strike><b><em>JK</em></b></strike>◉ <strike><b><em>SN</em></b></strike> ◉ <strike><b><em>NK</em></b></strike>*<br/>
________________________________</p><p> </p><p>While they don’t discuss Borld’s West, that signal’s read clear: They share a dream. </p><p> </p><p>When he’s ready he’ll pose the question, the hypothetical, the innocent prank that began their personal haunt. It’ll be a long time before either of them take this seriously, but as promised, <em>they’ll</em> discuss.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How do you marry Yang Jungwon?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>When Jay hears the answer he’ll understand why he was so glib, why to him, this loaded question’s answer is no big. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Be you. Park Jay, just you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>That simple answer is <em>White Stilton Gold—</em>like <em>actually</em> tasting <em>White Stilton Gold</em>. He’ll feel dumb for making such a big deal of it. It’s just cheese, good cheese he has feelings for, that he’s hyped for what. Still, it’s special cheese. Expensive cheese. <em>His</em> cheese. Cheese he’s waited for. Cheese that means <em>something</em> to him. It’s specific and exactly what he wants. He’ll just feel a little dumb because he could’ve <em>Amazon Prime</em>d it easy and gotten it next day with no fuss.</p><p> </p><p>They’ll share a laugh at his expense, as usual.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>END OF EPILOGUE</strong>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Join us next time as JayWon go bed and meet in a dream in <strong>Chapter 30: Eden Park aka. JAYWON'S EDEN</strong></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>🐈❣️🦅 </b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>End of story, kind of?<br/>I KNOW. What more can I say? I went HAM on inside jokes and I've grown more obsessed with Jay learning French. 🦅🇫🇷 </p><p>Come back for the final final final episode and help me bid this "Day" goodbye?</p><p>Thank you to everyone who keeps coming back to this nonsense. I love you. Sincerely, I do.</p><p> </p><p>p.s. I don't know Math. I don't know her. 💅✨ </p><p>Also, talk to me? Tell me what you think. Let me know if/how the notebook page hit. Legit I traced Jay’s hand, redrew his Eagle from GGU GGU and took his handwriting samples from Seasons Greetings. Give me some head pats. Emotionally. 🐝❣️</p><p>See you soon. 🍏✨</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. [ BONUS ] Eden Park aka. JayWon’s Eden</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It’s bedtime for JayWon until it isn't.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ENded 04/12/2021.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In ‘bed’ at ten to 3:00 in the morning, Jay sifts through papers in a powder blue folio. He wears a topknot and large gunmetal glasses by <em>Hugo Boss</em>.</p><p> </p><p>After a loud ‘bang’ Jungwon closes a door again, face devoid of fucks to give. That changes when he’s handed a first-class ticket via an <em>Easel</em> CD travel case. </p><p> </p><p>In a fleece throw and matching I-LAND pajamas, JayWon take a trip down memory lane by the glow of a stapled lampshade. Through muted laughs and whisper screams, they talk while they read.</p><p> </p><p>Jay gets flack over keeping cash ‘mint’ in sealed plastic. Jungwon rants about financial management, how he ate cheap snacks to pay back debt, then goes off about how many <em>Twix</em> bars he didn’t eat. The older boy reveals that this was a milestone and why this money unspent is worth more than gold.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon gets sheepish over a piece of masking tape. It spells his name in English in felt tip marker. Jay finds out how <em>he</em> knew that an anonymous bottle of water was an apology. He’s told that even without a label it says <em>Volvic</em> on the plastic mold plus the ‘J’s by a hand <em>he’ll</em> always know. The younger boy admits he almost gave up until water gave him hope.</p><p> </p><p>A lull falls as they compare notes, obsessing between the lines. Two sets of arms match correspondence, reading from the same view. Folios are set above a shared lap.</p><p> </p><p>In a blink, words disassemble for the younger of the two. They become shapes on a page. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t hold on to what he can no longer retain. He doesn’t say so. He just fades, gaze sliding down the length of a page, sinking into his favorite chair.</p><p> </p><p>Jay feels his companion nod off, “Jungwonie?” he nudges the boy on his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Muh—? I’m awake…” he snaps, almost knocking teeth off a face.</p><p> </p><p>The blonde dodges. “No, you’re not.” </p><p> </p><p>That fluffy head to leans back on his hyung’s shoulder while a head hooks a chin over his collar to file letters away.</p><p> </p><p>“… technically, I am.” he quietly deflates.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie bee. You’re dying on me,” figuratively, literally. “Let me tuck you in?”</p><p> </p><p>“Shh…hhzh,” he sh’coffs, rolling his head, “No… I just got here… lemme stay.”</p><p> </p><p>“... but we need space,” wise words. “I sleepwalk sometimes,” facts, “and I scream,” also facts.</p><p> </p><p>“phff,” Jungwon musters a weak laugh, leans off and folds forward like a broken marionette, “fine… Make me cozy.”</p><p> </p><p>“At your service,” Chairman Park takes this task with pleasure. </p><p> </p><p>Boss Yang is a crumpled weight, bent at the spine, limbs at harsh angles. Park doesn’t waver. Again, he dotes on his doll. A nurturing mode switches on and muscle memory takes over.</p><p> </p><p>… then Jay starts to dawdle, also on the edge of slumber. For a beat, he spaces and admires the scenery. </p><p> </p><p>Of all the places he’s seen around the globe, nothing beats this view. This sleeping face. <em>He</em> takes his breath away, literally with a sigh. The sound of himself simping breaks his daze. Jay realizes <em>he’s</em> not entirely asleep, clocking the shape of a mouth—a face he knows is a smile trying not to eke out.</p><p> </p><p>Flustered, he offsets with a dramatic inhale then fetches a blanket. When he turns back, his pink blush escalates to a blazing magenta. Earrings absorb the temperature of his ears.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Son of a hyung?!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>All the buttons of Jungwon’s top are undone. These PJs only have three buttons and it hardly goes halfway. It’s Jay that’s extra because it’s the thought that counts. </p><p> </p><p>His thoughts are sus. </p><p> </p><p>While he goes through a roster of facial expressions, his mind catches fire, stoked by delirium that comes with the onset of sleep after a long day.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>When did that happen? Was it like that? Did HE do that? Aww… or did I do that? No? … but I don’t remember. Am I on autopilot? What did I do again? JAY, SUS?!? I’m sus! Cheeses crimes! Oh, boy. Oh, Sheep. Shipped. Sheets—SHEESH?! Oh no… yes? NO! Maybe. HELP! Dear ENGENE, Who did this to him?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jay wants but Jay won’t, though Jay’s at the end of his rope. To the best of his ability, he’ll keep doing as he’s told… but first, he bites his sleeve to stifle a scream and count from ten to zero. </p><p> </p><p>That muted ‘YA’ gets this half-dead boy in a snoozy snicker. </p><p> </p><p>Hyung slaps the glasses off his face. Before buttoning this top, he takes wholesome precautions. Against his better judgment he does a hasty mind-body disconnect. </p><p> </p><p>By the time he comes to, the buttons he’s buttoned are undone again except for the one he just did. Receding into his black jammies like a turtle, he groans. When he emerges, the last button’s undone as well. He shoves a fist in his mouth to punch a shriek. </p><p> </p><p>Jay wants to weep and other things but he WON’T. He tries again. This time he’ll stay present to ward against the insidious forces that haunt these buttons. </p><p> </p><p><em>One, two, three buttons</em>… and it’s copasetic. </p><p> </p><p>The chest behind white rises and falls with slow, shallow breaths. Hands are to the side, popping and locking every few measures. </p><p> </p><p>Like a good butler to this cat, Jay shakes out the duvet. Fabric obscures the view for nary a second and magically, buttons are undone again. </p><p> </p><p>Sheep IS down, but he’s not out of the game yet. 3000% this bird’s being fucked with. </p><p> </p><p>Relieved that he’s not the culprit, Jay breaks into his signature laugh. He’s lost for words in the best possible way.</p><p> </p><p>That contagious laughter spreads. Jungwon giggles through his nose. He gives up the charade and curves upward with an overhead stretch. Through a flutter of lids, he sees Jay going over his buttons. For a little longer, he’ll fight sleep. He wants to keep a little more of this later now… but there’s only so much he can do with will and greed. </p><p> </p><p>The older boy senses that gaze. He smirks, topknot swaying with the shake of his head. “You can barely breathe. Enough criminal intent.” </p><p> </p><p>A yawn curbs what would’ve been a bold comeback. He settles with, “m’kay… Jay wifey.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pfft,” Jay sputters, fastening the last button. He sets a hand on that chest above his heart, “See you soon, boy.” </p><p> </p><p>“Mm-hm,” a frail nod. “Jay-ah…” with his last bits of strength, he throws arms around his hyung’s neck, “G’night hug?”</p><p> </p><p>Jay melts with this struggle to stay present. This boy can barely anything. Arms that would’ve held tight are so weak, his voice is so small he hardly speaks. Bird stifles touch that would compete with needed sleep but he’s so soft for this dozy bee.</p><p> </p><p>“Wonie… of course,” he wraps arms across those shoulders and that lower back. He gifts the hug he knows <em>he</em> wants even if <em>he’s</em> not all there. </p><p> </p><p>JungMumbles a fuzzy, “Hnm… g’day.”</p><p> </p><p>“The what?” dBs escape bird’s range of hearing.</p><p> </p><p>Elbows bend, the boy draws closer, gets near the heart charm to enunciate. “I. Said… Good. Day…” then he sighs so heavily he droops into Jay, “… thanks, you… s’much.”</p><p> </p><p>“You too. Promise, we’ll do this again,” he gifts a fleeting kiss on the neck, “Now, sleep Sheep.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mhm,” Sheep nods, parroting the gesture with a lippy peck like a soft pop, “… you too.”</p><p> </p><p>That was slow, maybe a little sloppy and on a spot with a subliminal trigger. Jay blushes, scrubbing intent. That’s a just sweet sleepy boy who can’t aim anymore. That’s what that is. </p><p> </p><p>The sleepy boy does it a few more times with the same garbage aim. A tiny chirp on the edge of a jaw, then a little cheep on the collar, then a quick peck on the neck.</p><p> </p><p>“I like you…” he murmurs, then blows raspberries into a shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“ffwAH? That tickles?!,” wholesomely flustered, Jay tilts. “Aww. I like you too,” he raises shoulders and squeezes a little tighter, “so much, too much, you.”</p><p> </p><p>Wonie snickers through his nose, hitting the charm with a ‘chu’ by the base of this ear, “M’hm… much.”</p><p> </p><p>“Teehee hee, d’aww.” Jay jerks with a tilt of his neck. “Ah, you’re endless.”</p><p> </p><p>That tilt pushes Sheep’s head down in the middle of a ‘muah.’ Lips drag a trail from under sharp jaw to the soft collar.</p><p> </p><p>“BwAah!” that earns a sharp inhale, “Ww—Mmm?!” The older boy chokes on a noise.</p><p> </p><p>Wonie opens his mouth to yawn again. That breath descends and then… munch.</p><p> </p><p>“—nnNyAackK?” every cell of this Park screams, “I HAVE WORK?!” he whisper freaks, “Please please NO TEETH?”  </p><p> </p><p>Jay worries about an upcoming shoot. While he has no idea what the endgame is and however much he objects, he won’t turn down a gift. Also, he’s frozen in terror and can’t let go.</p><p> </p><p>… but there is no motive. Yang’s been out cold since mid-‘muah,’ yawned and hit teeth on a neck. Just teeth on a neck, nibbling in his sleep after hours of pushing hunger aside to meet goals. At this hazy border of lucidity, wires crossed. He really should’ve been fed. </p><p> </p><p>After a solid minute of soft snores and drool, Jay regains control of his nervous system. He’s still unsure if this sleep is real. Regardless, this hyung acts on face value. He tucks him in.</p><p> </p><p>Then something happens—a definitive tell that says this is not a test.</p><p> </p><p>Eyes closed, Wonie reaches out, lifting his hand in an inexplicably graceful pose.</p><p> </p><p>The older boy nearly engages, then he feels a chill and a voice tells him ‘<em>No, just watch</em>.’ Jay makes a fist and listens to his gut. It growls.</p><p> </p><p>Four syllables sneak out of his mouth.“사랑해... yo” (<em>Saranghae… yo</em>) The hand falls on plush with a puff. After ‘yo’ he slips into a dream.</p><p> </p><p>Jay hits the ‘mattress’ with a puff, vision blurring with liquid emotion. He takes this gift, holds it close, and mutes thoughts that want to beg <em>him</em> to say it again, then to please repeat for clarity, then ask one more time for science. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay then,” he raises a stoic okay sign, keeping his promise not to say it yet. </p><p> </p><p>To cope, he disassembles the lamp, hops on Notes app, and goes off. Thumbs fly typing, laying the groundwork for a trip for two. The destination: a lush volcanic garden, a protected park in France, for one day when the globe is better, when the default isn't life in masks. As he writes, he realizes how much he wants to get there without bending spacetime. He’ll take too long to plan to get it done right. Until then, he’ll stay patient and keep learning French. </p><p> </p><p>Before he crashes, he sneaks a modest kiss goodnight between the eyebrows. Brows furrow and the corner of a lip curls in a smirky smile.</p><p> </p><p>Satisfied, Jay shuts his phone, gets cozy, and holds a hand. He follows <em>him</em> into sleep.</p><p> </p><p>They meet again on the edge of a stock photo warped with detail. </p><p> </p><p>/////////////////////// </p><p> </p><p>This is a dream and he knows it.</p><p> </p><p>Before he takes a look around, he looks down. His shadow bleeds onto the ground. In his ears, the rush of wind, the flow of water, the rustle of leaves, and the drone of bees.</p><p> </p><p>Already, he is violently delighted.</p><p> </p><p>This scene again. Same cliff, different details—incredible color. This composition’s taken a surreal twist.</p><p> </p><p>The sky isn’t an unfamiliar name like azure. This blue is his—a baby blue. It has a texture, an overlay of knit. Rain clouds dot the far horizon. They’re fluffy yet melty, like dollops of liquid and whipped honey with dark edges in gradients of purple to near-black indigo. </p><p> </p><p>A lush mountain range with neon green highlights frames the valley, like something he’s heard described. The plain below is a labyrinth of corn with features connected to the teal sea. The water glitters a pitched-up hue in day-glo. </p><p> </p><p>To the North-West of this valley is a lake of ice that melts into a rushing river, a vein to the sea. On the edge of the water to the South-East is a modern pier. A lush delta curbs the river rapids into a gentle stream.</p><p> </p><p>Now there are a few creatures—each larger than life, doing their own thing separately, together.</p><p> </p><p>A single bird circles overhead, an Eagle whose feathers catch light with gold wings like corn silk and an undercarriage of reflective obsidian. The shadow it casts is large and looming. When it caws it’s a sound you can see. When it flaps its wings, the gust bends space. Time slows when it’s in one place. It lands on the frozen lake, the delta, and the pier. It visits the garden to feed and stays there the longest. At each point it caws, it pecks and it plays. </p><p> </p><p>Atop a hill at the heart of the maze is a Black Sheep with striking eyes. Its gaze flits between the maze and the sky, watching over the scene. Alone, it chooses not to rest. The Sheep is surrounded by dissonant wildflowers and geometric topiaries. Massive hives occupy the topiaries, oversized Bees buzz in and out. They are sentinels, visiting the residents of this valley to observe and report. A layer of fluff on this Sheep is just a swarm of Bees moving in unison… except in one place. A Cat sleeps on its over a pure patch of wool, protecting this vulnerable spot. </p><p> </p><p>To the North-West on the frozen lake is a Deer with antlers ablaze. It coasts majestically on its knees over ice, skating circles around an Emperor Penguin with thick eyebrows. This ice bird glows from a distance and it wears a crown of knives. When the Deer knee-skates through ice, it melts a trail of rushing water that feeds the river. Over its path, the Penguin glides freezing the path solid, keeping the river from overflowing into the mainland. They skate around each other like two electrons bound by a magnetic gaze, filling the river and resurfacing the ice. </p><p> </p><p>This Deer could level the mountain with a stomp and set fire to the corn maze. As well, this Penguin could freeze every molecule and the blood in each resident of the valley. They could, but they don’t. While this is an exhausting effort to keep their powers in check, for now, this blazing Deer wants to skate on his knees and this knife-crowned Penguin wants this challenge. The valley thrives because they skate in spirographs.</p><p> </p><p>This symbiosis is key to this ecosystem.</p><p> </p><p>On the other end of the maze, by the river’s edge is a prismatic Fox spirit with too many tails jumping around a CGI Puma. The Fox knows its enchanted and maximizes its potential. It has a voice, so it sings. It moves, so it dances. It’s aware it’s pretty so it struts in sunlight, showing all its colors. It uses all of itself and doesn’t hesitate to find out if it has more to share.</p><p> </p><p>The CG Puma casts nets and sets up fishing rods on this futuristic pier. It gets it’s fundamentally different (it’s made of polygons) but doesn’t care. It’s there to fish. It’s always wanted to fish. It will never stop enjoying the act of fishing. While it preps to catch, it moonwalks to a foxy tune. Its gaze is powerful, a look that causes the Fox to seize. By default, it makes an effort to be silly and soft. It doesn’t want the Fox to stop being its prismatic self in its presence. </p><p> </p><p>Together they pull a gilded net teeming with wild bunggeopang—living fish bread. Once the net hits the pier, they dance in celebration, moonwalking, singing, and shining. Revelry wakes the sole inhabitant of the delta.</p><p> </p><p>A lone Labrador Retriever with a pearlescent coat sleeps on a delta covered with dandelion puffs. When it wakes to the sound of festivities it leaps to the pier. It takes the shimmering net of bunggeopang from the Fox and Puma. It runs through corn stalks, not taking any of the paths, but making the patterns of the maze. </p><p> </p><p>First, it visits the Sheep to deliver the catch of fresh fish bread. The Sheep bleats and the Bees receive. The Cat gets agitated, but it rests while the Sheep eats tails and saves the heads. </p><p> </p><p>Back at the pier, the Fox and the Puma move to the fishing rods, collecting a personal stash of bunggeopang. It’s more difficult than the net, but they work together to learn how best to catch fish bread this way. For them, bunggeopang is tastier off the rod.</p><p> </p><p>After leaving tribute at the garden, the Dog takes the net to the ice. It breaks bread with the Deer and the Penguin. Once full, the Dog fondly watches the two take their time feeding. </p><p> </p><p>The lake continues to melt around the Deer as it eats. The cautious Penguin makes careful taps to freeze the surface. Without this, the Deer drowns itself on the spot. If it burns too hot in one place the Dog barks to scare the Deer into giving chase. It does this so the Penguin can pirouette its Deer’s surface solid. </p><p> </p><p>When the Deer and the Penguin are fed, the Dog does a few laps, mowing down corn, making more paths before it returns to the pier to leave the net. Then it retreats to the dandelion delta. It induces sleep. It can’t let itself be awake for too long. It needs time. Dandelion seeds fly as it slumbers, each wisp carrying the same three wishes over and over and over—to be surrounded by love, to love and be loved again. The wisps travel across this expanse. Someday they’ll take root in a place the Dog won’t fear to tread. Until then, corn grows over old paths it won’t take.</p><p> </p><p>As the Dog rests, the Eagle swoops into the garden. The gust blows away the Bees. The Sheep goes to sleep, temporarily freed of the din of constant droning. The silence wakes the Cat. The Eagle and the Cat eat this collection of severed bunggeopang heads. At the end of the meal, they play until Cat claws at the Eagle and it flies again. The Bees return, the Sheep wakes and Cat sleeps. The Puma and the Fox pull a bunggeopang net.</p><p> </p><p>The cycle repeats again.</p><p> </p><p>This reduces Jungwon to laughter, overwhelmed by this splendid vision. He can’t get over how much has changed since the last time he stood on this blank cliff. Somehow he knows this is the same place, he understands these are things his mind has made but… </p><p> </p><p>He feels his brows curl inward. His hand flies over his mouth and feels tears trickle down his cheeks. The liquid sensation triggers memories. He realizes that this dramatic scene, this over-the-top everything, the colors, the textures, the sounds—this amazing composition isn’t all him. </p><p> </p><p>This world has one more god. “Jay-ah.”</p><p> </p><p>A few strands of blonde to enter his periphery. In his ear, he hears a sound he’s heard all day, a voice he can’t get enough of at any volume.</p><p> </p><p>“Boo.” A sudden weight lands on the shoulders of the first god of this valley. “Jungwonie!”</p><p> </p><p>Rushed with a beautiful fright, he friendly screams, “You!” </p><p> </p><p>An arm slings around his neck. “Yes, me.” </p><p> </p><p>It’s Jay. Dream, real, Everyday Jay just Jay being Jay in a side hug with teeth hanging out like family.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon hops on his heels, gripping shoulders to shake. “Jay-AHahaHA hah!” He cackles. </p><p> </p><p>Jay shakes shoulders back, “Wonieeeehee HeheeHe hee!” He laughs, same energy.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re here!” Jungwon screams on a face, “In OUR dream.”</p><p> </p><p>“Or we died,” Jay shrugs with a cheesy grin.</p><p> </p><p>“Eh,” he shrugs back, “You’re here,” he slides his hand an arm. “Dream or death, this is paradise.”</p><p> </p><p>The droning of bees picks up like white noise at its loudest level. The Sheep bleats as a layer of swarms leave its wooly pelt.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah,” Jay tugs on a wrist and holds this hand, “I feel I’m in paradise.”</p><p> </p><p>A gust of wind picks up, overhead they hear the Eagle caw. They look up just in time to see a visible soundwave like an aurora.</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon laces his fingers. “That’s brilliant,” he smiles at the eagle, “We’re in our own fucked up Eden.”</p><p> </p><p>“That IS brilliant! JAYWON’S EDEN!” Jay screams so loud he makes a dissonant echo. </p><p> </p><p>The younger boy’s eyes go wild at the discord bouncing back. He curves his hand next to his mouth and screams to the cliff, “AAAAH!! JAY-AAAAH!!!” </p><p> </p><p>That makes a warped echo and two huge isosceles smiles.</p><p> </p><p>Jay puts a stiff hand up by his face and belts a, “YAA!” he screeches, “YAAAAAAng JUNGWONiIiEEeeE!!”</p><p> </p><p>Another crazy echo. JayWon break into boisterous giggles. The giggles bring back a fucked up echo too. This makes them laugh even louder and the valley fills with a messed up harmony of laughs and screams.</p><p> </p><p>Jay starts leading them to the edge cliff with a wild smile, “Hey. Do you want to jump?”</p><p> </p><p>“I DO.” Jungwon yells, bursting with excitement.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to eat some of that living bunggeopang?”</p><p> </p><p>“YES.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’ll be a hell of a quest. I’m not sure how large they are. These animals look like <em>Gigantamax Pokémon</em>. The bunggeopang might be horse-sized, but fuck it!”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon punches the air with an, “EN’S GET IT!” cackling, eyebrows dancing. He grabs Jay by the arms, looks deep in his eyes and says with a twinkle in his eyes, “Let’s eat one alive, nibble lengthwise, and see if I can slip into in a fish bread like a sleeping bag. Please. I want this more than anything.”</p><p> </p><p>Jay trembles at the sincerity of that plea, lip shaking, eyes inexplicably watering, eyebrows curling in, clearly getting emotional.</p><p> </p><p>“Cheeses!” he tears away from that hold, bends at the waist and throws his hands over eyes, “Oh my GOD. Why is that so hot? I could fuck you right now?!” </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly the Bees stop droning, the echoes of laughter stop. Even the wind halts. You can hear a pin drop. </p><p> </p><p>Stunned Jay looks up, “How come we ended up with this silence?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon freezes and gives the blankest stare, head on a slow swivel. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” he knows that face. He did something dumb. “Did I say that out loud?”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon strokes an imaginary beard, raising an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>Jay's mouth flies open in shock. He smiles, grimaces, then smiles again, raising his shoulders with his palms up.</p><p> </p><p>“I meant I could hug you?” he says with a spicy corn cheese smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I see you,” Jungwon clicks his tongue and leers. “but save those crimes for real life. We dream shenanigans now,” he blushes, giving two solid, platonic pats on the arm. With laser focus on a goal he proposes, “Let’s pick some corn then hitch a ride on the dog when it goes to the lake. What do you say? Are you in?”</p><p> </p><p>Awed, Jay covers his mouth like he just got a different proposal. He might cry. Filled with overwhelming bliss he screams with all of his dream lungs, “YANG JUNGWON ARE YOU ASKING ME IF I’D LIKE TO GRILL CORN ON THE ANTLERS WITH YOU???”</p><p> </p><p>The younger boy answers with a smooth, “You’re damn right I am, pretty bird.” He raises his brow with a heavy gaze.</p><p> </p><p>Jay goes weak in the knees, worrying his thoughts might leak again. A glint from the lake catches his eye. The Emperor Penguin’s shimmering gaze rights this left. That’s him, he knows. He smiles at the penguin, gives it an okay sign. The skating penguin waves a flipper back then flips him off. </p><p> </p><p>Jungwon walks to the very edge of the cliff. For the first time in dreams, without thinking if he can, can’t, or should, he turns around. He doesn’t see what else is behind. He just sees Jay. </p><p> </p><p>The younger boy cocks his head with the shadow of a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“Jump with me,” he offers his hand, extending an invitation, “Help me wear a mega-bunggeopang like a TaunTaun and we’ll get all the king corn you want.”</p><p> </p><p>The older boy looks at that hand, then up at those eyes. His heart swells at this vision. This sweet faced boy with a smoldering gaze, dressed in deep blue regalia, standing on the precipice of a steep cliff, framed by the insane colors of an overwhelming scene about to face giants he has no fear of.</p><p> </p><p>He’s never seen anything this breathtaking.</p><p> </p><p>“Of fucking course,” Jay smirks and boldly takes his hand, “with pleasure, I will.”</p><p> </p><p>Jungwon smiles like the moon of this night. He grips this hand and without hesitation, tackles Jay at this short distance. They fall off the cliff head-first, cackling.</p><p> </p><p>They wake up immediately.</p><p> </p><p>/////////////////////// </p><p> </p><p>Sunghoon wakes out of a dead sleep. He’s thirsty and something else. </p><p> </p><p>Head empty, no thoughts, he sits up in the dark. It’s hours away from sunrise but he knows where he is and who’s there. The soft snore to his left belongs to his not-boyfriend yet, as is the bunk he’s in. </p><p> </p><p>Slowly, he climbs out of bed, pausing to hover above a sleeping head. He finds lips, steals a kiss then waddles to the kitchen for a drink of water. </p><p> </p><p>For the second dawn in a row, he sluggishly reaches for a glass in the cupboard. He doesn’t bother to open his eyes or flip a light switch, he just knows what he needs to do. A sense of duty calls, somehow always linked with <em>actual</em> thirst. </p><p> </p><p>A familiar fragrance tells him to quietly open his eyes. By the moonlight from the glass door to the balcony, he sees it. Again, a shadow with a head like a distorted pineapple. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jay-ah?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Then he notices the wide-open closet door.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jungwonie.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He sets the glass down and sprints to the walk-in, grabbing a long padded coat and a hidden treasure kept in the back of his dresser drawer.</p><p> </p><p>Sunghoon zips up and lights an expensive candle, smirking with his tongue in his teeth. Buzzing with excitement, he steps to the balcony, folds his arms, and leans on the doorway. </p><p> </p><p>This Park stays on ice while he wakes a bit more, combing hair with his hand a few times. Until his cue, he eavesdrops on another Park and a Garden plotting at normal speaking volume. </p><p> </p><p>“—a chair made of human hands.”</p><p> </p><p>“No. Don’t make that a recruitable character.”</p><p> </p><p>“Instead of a wrist stump, four arms for legs with hands at the end. Five hands total, functioning elbows and it needs to be ALIVE.”</p><p> </p><p>A gagging sound, “That’s grotesque! How could you create that homunculus?</p><p> </p><p>“That hand would be ours and I’d love it like a son. Name it HandSome.”</p><p> </p><p>“NO. What!? Wonie, why would you name it?”</p><p> </p><p>“What kind of parent doesn’t name a CHILD?”</p><p> </p><p>“Parent? Aww,” the sound of a honey-crisp kiss, “—wait! NO. That’s NOT our child! That’s a BEAST. Why not a helicopter or a hovercar?”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a cop-out! Technology means NOTHING in Eden Park.”</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t know that. Check the PIER.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah, that hand chair is your REAL spirit animal. Think about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Visualize it.”</p><p> </p><p>“NO?!”</p><p> </p><p>“Accept it, then think of all the corn it can grab.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, fine! Could it travel down a Y-axis? It’d have to climb down.”</p><p> </p><p>“If it inherits your grip strength, it can do anything. Believe in yourself, hyung.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m getting so creeped out… and so flattered. Fuck?! Can’t we hail a mega bee or the eagle?”</p><p> </p><p>“They have work. Although, I would like to ride that eagle.”</p><p> </p><p>“Pffft?! … my god AAAAARrrGH. The mouth on you?!” </p><p> </p><p>“Quit projecting. It’s a bird the size of a concert stage. Blame your brain.”</p><p> </p><p>“What’s left of it…”</p><p> </p><p>“Jay-ah, if we have this brainchild we could see our dream up close. Let’s just try.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s… I know you’re right, but CHEESES CRIMES let me think?! I can’t let you keep mindfucking me like this repeatedly.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe don’t smile if you hate it that much.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh god, I am smiling.”</p><p> </p><p>Sunghoon’s not sure what he heard, but he’s wide awake now would like this conversation to stop before his imagination catches up. It could be much much worse.</p><p> </p><p>He grips the latch and makes an entrance with a heavy-lidded swagger, “Good dawn, boys.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>Thank You for Reading   ||   pause mode: 0204’s Day Out</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Curious?Come out to balcony.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I love you for reading this, thank you so much for taking this long-ass ride with me, this humble author of only 123 days. </p><p>Special thanks to my personal ENGENE in the comments section, my ENliza, TooManyFandomsToBeSane and Lin Manuel-Miranda because for some reason Hamilton is such a big part of this series.</p><p>Sound off if you've been around for the whole thing? Tell me what you think or give me an emoji or a button smash. I just like knowing who's stuck around for this mess so I can pray for your mental well being.</p><p>Speaking of, my fellow ENGENEs, I pray for our survival as a global community. Two words. Border: Carnival. I can barely breathe?!</p><p>Come check out the balcony one shot coming soon.</p><p>⛵️🎹✨🐝✨</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you ended up here through Spa Day, thank you so much for following this tangled thread. </p><p>Full disclosure: Jungwon is my bias.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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